Feminist Survival Project – "Amelia and the Very, Very Expensive Month (A No-Buy Update)"

Hosts: Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski
Date: September 10, 2025

Episode Overview

In this candid and relatable episode, sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski discuss their tumultuous journey with the no-buy lifestyle amid a string of unexpected (and unavoidable) expenses. Using their signature blend of warmth, humor, and just the right dash of righteous indignation, they recount the "very, very expensive month" that upended their budget goals and offer reflections on consumer culture, accessibility, self-compassion, and emotional survival under late-stage capitalism.

Main Discussion Themes

1. The Unraveling of No-Buy: When Life Gets Expensive

• Amelia’s Appliance Woes ([00:47]–[08:11])

  • Amelia shares her frustration after her $7,000 custom fridge dies after only five years, and no repair techs are willing to fix it—"They just declined the opportunity for my thousands of dollars. They were like, nah, now create trash." ([02:32] – Amelia)
  • She eventually settles for a $3,000 smaller fridge, compromising on features and spending two months improvising without proper refrigeration.
  • Emily relates with her own pricey kitchen mishap: shattering a $3,000 glass induction cooktop ([03:06]), only to find replacement costs nearly equal to buying new.

• Planned Obsolescence and Frustration ([02:58])

  • The hosts rail against the short lifespans and poor warranties of high-end appliances, and the unsustainable cycle of forced replacement.
  • "Welcome to the world of planned obsolescence." ([02:58] – Emily)

2. Other (Unexpectedly) Necessary Spending

• Medical and Accessibility Purchases ([14:16])

  • Emily and her partner purchase a $600 heavy-duty ramp for their aging pit bull so she can comfortably access her favorite backyard.

• Tech and Everyday Accidents

  • Amelia details smaller, but still frustrating, costs: replacing a broken tablet ($100), a lost pair of glasses, and other must-haves.

• Major Life Enrichment Expenses ([15:48], [16:24])

  • Amelia splurges on a $1,000 Boston Early Music Festival pass (plus $3,000+ in hotel fees) and tickets to the Metropolitan Opera for a show composed and conducted by women—fulfilling both an accessibility need and a core value.
  • The effort and cost to secure a dignified, accessible opera experience highlight barriers for disabled and neurodivergent patrons.

3. No-Buy Mentality: Where It Worked and Where It Didn’t

• Intentional Decluttering and Value Assessment

  • Emily applies a "ventralness" test to her possessions: Does this thing make me feel good, or does it weigh me down?
  • Shoe and puzzle stories illustrate efforts to reduce possessions, not just accumulate less: "I reduced my overall shoe volume while increasing the eventualness of my total shoe situation." ([24:44] – Emily)

• Conscious Wins

  • Both hosts celebrate resisting temptation (no plants, no extra clothes, canceled Audible memberships), and openly acknowledge their slip-ups.
  • Amelia: "I did not buy [the denim dress]. It would have made sense ... but I didn't need it and I didn't buy it." ([28:11])

• Library Wins Over Amazon ([29:13]–[33:25])

  • Amelia’s biggest no-buy win is learning to use Libby and the Boston Public Library e-card for ebooks and audiobooks, reducing dependency on costly digital platforms.
  • Emily describes her system of always having "10 books on hold" to ensure a steady stream of free content.

4. Emotional Survival and the Psychology of Shopping

• Shopping as Coping and Distraction ([42:29])

  • The hosts discuss how shopping often acts as "numbing" against stress and despair—"One of the reasons people buy things is to avoid feeling their feelings." (Emily, [42:31])
  • They acknowledge that numbing is sometimes necessary for survival, but warn against letting it perpetually substitute for real feeling and healing.

• Capitalism, Economy & Political Context ([44:55])

  • Conversation veers into late capitalism, economic bubbles, and the stress of societal precarity, tying personal spending to broader systems ("our job is to be stronger than the fire" – Emily, [49:12]).

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I paid $7,000 for this refrigerator. I will pay two or three thousand dollars to have it repaired because I cannot replace this refrigerator.” – Amelia ([02:07])

• “They just didn’t want to do it. They...declined the opportunity for my thousands of dollars. They were like, nah, now create trash.” – Amelia ([02:32])

• “Welcome to the world of planned obsolescence.” – Emily ([02:58])

• “Opera is about big feelings. Opera is a medium intended to express things that are so big that you have to sing about them.” – Amelia ([17:40])

• “June was a very expensive month. It was a $10,000 month.” – Amelia ([21:54])

• “So it's gonna take me a bit to dig out of that hole... next time we do an update, I will have nothing to report.” – Amelia ([56:36])

• “Our job is to be stronger than the fire... The point of no buy is...to stay connected with the things and people around us that actually matter, rather than distracting ourselves from what really matters with shit that just does not matter.” – Emily ([49:13] & [49:23])

• “I am paying an artist to do an oil painting of our dogs... If you’re gonna spend money, it should go to stuff you’re excited about and love.” – Emily ([50:35], [51:14])

• “I feel pretty expert in... is this a ventral thing to have in my house, or does it make me feel bad?” – Emily ([54:33])

Key Segments & Timestamps

• Opening: Appliance disasters and planned obsolescence ([00:24]–[08:11])
• Accessibility, health expenses, and big life spending ([14:13]–[22:01])
• Opera, accessibility at cultural events, and intentional value-based splurges ([15:48], [16:22])
• Small purchases, no-buy “failures,” and trade-offs ([22:01]–[27:37])
• Library/Audible workaround and reading as self-care ([29:13]–[33:25])
• Decluttering, puzzles, and the “ventral test” ([33:25]–[39:30])
• Ruminating, emotional coping, and shopping as numbing ([40:01]–[43:32])
• Context: Economy, politics, and responding to a world on fire ([44:55]–[49:13])
• Spending values, supporting artists, and small joys ([50:06]–[53:30])
• Reflections on poverty, frugality, and not buying by default ([52:13]–[54:31])
• End: What success looks like now, self-compassion, and permissiveness ([56:07]–[57:58])

Closing Reflections

• The hosts stress self-compassion and adaptability: sometimes spending is unavoidable, and guilty feelings help no one.
• Building a meaningful, sustainable, ventral-feeling life is more important than perfection in "no-buy."
• They encourage listeners to reflect on what really matters to them, resist consumerist distraction when possible, and lean into the radical act of finding joy, even when the broader world is on fire.

Tone and Takeaways

Warm, wry, validating, and honest—Emily and Amelia celebrate survival, not austerity. They encourage flexibility, emotional honesty, and intentionality when it comes to spending, and remind listeners to value what nourishes them—even when reality throws the budget out the window.