Feminist Survival Project: Episode Summary

Episode Title: Amelia Has Feelings About Pride Month
Hosts: Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski
Release Date: June 26, 2025

Introduction: Amelia's Upcoming Engagements

The episode opens with Amelia announcing her return to live sessions on Fridays at 4 PM during May and June on their YouTube channel, YouTube.com/FeministSurvivalProject. She mentions her plans to engage with the audience by answering questions, singing songs, and discussing topics like "Murderbot." Amelia expresses excitement about June's focus on Pride Month, setting the stage for a deep dive into her personal feelings about the event.

Amelia (00:00): "I hope you can join us. June is busting out all over. All over the medals and the hand. We're talking about Pride month."

Amelia's Internal Conflict with Pride Month

Emily initiates the conversation by highlighting Amelia's discomfort with Pride Month, prompting Amelia to elaborate on her feelings and experiences related to her identity.

Emily (00:40): "Talking about Pride specifically. Amelia is uncomfortable about Pride specifically because..."

Amelia (00:46): "I am going."

Amelia clarifies that her discomfort stems from her upcoming trip to the Boston Early Music Festival coinciding with the Pride Parade, leading her to question her participation.

Amelia (01:37): "I have not identified as straight kinda, ever."

Exploring Sexual Orientation and Past Relationships

Amelia reflects on her past, discussing her experiences in undergrad where she engaged in relationships with women, not out of personal identification but often as a means to make her boyfriends jealous. This history contributes to her current feelings of not fully identifying as straight.

Amelia (01:53): "I got used several times by girls to make their boyfriends jealous... Guys were everywhere all the time."

Emily (02:28): "But you also were not out as."

Amelia emphasizes that her long-term relationship has led her to live a life that appears entirely straight and feminine, further distancing her from queer identification.

Amelia (02:59): "I live a very straight life. I live a very feminine life."

Gender Identity and Community Perception

The conversation shifts to gender identity, with Amelia identifying as agender and expressing discomfort with outward displays of non-binary identity. She discusses the pressure within the trans community regarding medical transition and societal expectations.

Amelia (04:15): "I have had to replace my entire wardrobe twice in the past four years... I own one shirt with pink stripes and I haven't worn it in over a year."

Emily (05:01): "There's a debate about, like, are you even trans enough if you're not really requiring medical transition..."

Amelia shares anecdotes about transgender individuals grappling with societal expectations to conform to feminine ideals, highlighting the internal conflicts faced by those who do not undergo medical transitions.

Amelia (05:32): "They are she. They're pronouns now. And is non medical."

Pressure to Participate in Pride

Amelia articulates her internal struggle over whether she should participate in Pride, given that her identity is not overtly visible. She grapples with feelings of not being "queer enough" to take up space in Pride events.

Amelia (09:35): "Am I allowed to Pride?"

Emily (11:35): "This year in particular, it is important to remember that Pride started as protests."

Amelia questions her responsibility towards Pride as a form of protest and whether her presence would contribute meaningfully, given her perceived privilege and passing appearance.

Amelia (16:12): "Does the privilege mean that I should get out of the way or does the privilege mean that I should?"

Balancing Personal Well-being with Community Engagement

The hosts discuss the importance of processing one's identity and feelings through participation in community events like Pride. Amelia considers the impact of attending on her mental health, especially as someone on the autism spectrum who finds crowds overwhelming.

Amelia (14:20): "I consider my non participation in public Pride events to be a protection of my mental health because crowds are so intense and overwhelming for me because I'm so very fucking autistic."

Emily encourages Amelia to engage with Pride in a manner that aligns with her comfort level, suggesting attending on the periphery to experience the event without full immersion.

Emily (35:07): "You can touch Pride for the first time. It sounds like if I was going."

Amelia contemplates minimal participation, such as watching the parade from a nearby location, balancing her desire to engage with her need to maintain personal well-being.

Recommendations and Moving Forward

Emily recommends actions for Amelia to consider, including purchasing an Agender Pride pin to signify her identity and exploring how her participation can contribute to her sense of belonging without compromising her comfort.

Amelia (20:10): "Maybe I can just buy an Agender pin at Pride in Boston, maybe. And then it won't be just like, I bought this on Etsy. I'll be like, I bought this at Pride."

The conversation underscores the importance of self-processing and integrating one's identity within the broader community context, even amidst personal reservations and external pressures.

Emily (24:19): "It means complete the fucking cycle. It means feel the feelings that have been sitting there so that they can move through your body and out so that it can be integrated."

Conclusion: Embracing Complexity and Personal Choices

The episode concludes with Amelia acknowledging the complexity of her feelings and the absence of a straightforward solution. She decides to navigate her participation in Pride based on her personal circumstances, such as her plans to attend a 17th-century opera and the physical accessibility of events.

Amelia (34:03): "Maybe there is."

Emily (43:04): "Okay, then."

The hosts wrap up by emphasizing that Amelia's internal struggle is a shared experience among many, highlighting the diversity of identities and the varied relationships individuals have with community events like Pride.

Amelia (42:54): "You are not the only one who has this experience."

Key Takeaways

1. Identity Fluidity: Amelia's journey highlights the complexities of sexual and gender identity, especially for those who do not fit neatly into predefined categories.

2. Community and Representation: The episode underscores the importance of representation within Pride events and the internal conflicts individuals may face regarding their participation.

3. Mental Health Considerations: Balancing personal well-being with community engagement is crucial, particularly for individuals with sensory sensitivities or other mental health considerations.

4. Self-Processing and Integration: Engaging with one's identity through active participation can aid in processing and integrating complex feelings, fostering a stronger sense of self.

5. Personal Agency: Ultimately, the decision to participate in Pride is deeply personal, influenced by individual circumstances, comfort levels, and the desire to support and belong to a community.

Notable Quotes

• Amelia (09:35): "Am I allowed to Pride?"
• Emily (11:35): "This year in particular, it is important to remember that Pride started as protests."
• Amelia (14:20): "I consider my non participation in public Pride events to be a protection of my mental health because crowds are so intense and overwhelming for me because I'm so very fucking autistic."
• Emily (24:19): "It means complete the fucking cycle. It means feel the feelings that have been sitting there so that they can move through your body and out so that it can be integrated."

This episode delves into the nuanced interplay between personal identity and community participation, offering listeners a candid exploration of the challenges and considerations that come with navigating Pride Month as someone who feels both connected to and distant from the traditional narratives of queerness.