Feminist Survival Project: Introduction to Dr. Donna Oriolo
Episode Release Date: June 19, 2025
In the inaugural episode titled "Introduction to Dr. Donna Oriolo," hosts Emily and Amelia Nagoski engage in a profound conversation with Dr. Donna Oriolo, a respected sex and relationship therapist and the author of Drink Water, Mama, Mind Your Business. The episode delves into themes of systemic oppression, self-esteem, authenticity, and the societal pressures that contribute to burnout, particularly among feminists feeling overwhelmed by their responsibilities.
1. Introducing Dr. Donna Oriolo
The episode begins with Emily facilitating a personal introduction, allowing Dr. Oriolo to present herself authentically rather than relying on a scripted bio.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"My name is Dr. Donna Oriolo. I use she/her pronouns. I'm the author of Drink Water, Mama, Mind Your Business. I'm a sex and relationship therapist, and I practice in the DMV area." [00:29]
Emily emphasizes the legitimacy of Dr. Oriolo's credentials, highlighting the importance of recognizing the expertise she brings to the conversation.
2. Exploring the Book: Drink Water, Mama, Mind Your Business
The discussion transitions to Dr. Oriolo's book, exploring its origins and the cultural significance of its title. Emily humorously references a moment where Cynthia Erivo uses the book's title in a viral clip, questioning its origins.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"It's definitely a thing that Black people say. We've been saying, like, 'mind your business' at various levels, but 'drink water and mind your business' feels a little bit more recent." [02:46]
Emily shares her emotional response to the book, revealing how its powerful message resonated deeply with her, leading to an insightful exploration of its core themes.
Emily:
"Nothing says I love you quite like destroying the system that took root within you." [05:48]
3. Systemic Oppression and Supremacy Culture
A significant portion of the conversation centers on understanding and dismantling supremacy culture. Dr. Oriolo articulates how societal systems indoctrinate individuals to believe they must conform to specific roles to be deemed worthy.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"We are planted, watered, fertilized in the idea that somebody is better than you, period... it's your duty to change as much about you as possible to make the white supremacist's head delusion happy." [05:48]
Emily echoes this sentiment, discussing how individuals often sacrifice their authenticity for external validation, highlighting the toxic cycle of competition fostered by systemic oppression.
Emily:
"So basically you lose because I'm willing to sacrifice everything about who I am on the altar of your comfort and convenience." [07:33]
4. Self-Esteem and Authenticity
The dialogue delves into the chasm between one's authentic self and the persona imposed by societal expectations. Dr. Oriolo explains how masking one's true identity leads to deep-seated shame and disconnection from oneself.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"Most of us are walking around basically as somebody's narcissistic, masturbatory wet dream. We are not ourselves." [26:34]
Emily relates this to her work on burnout, emphasizing the struggle to bridge the gap between who one is and who they are expected to be.
Emily:
"There's a gap between who you are and who you are expected to be... navigate that gap and pretend that you actually already fully are the thing you're expected to be." [24:20]
5. Impact on Personal Well-being
The conversation shifts to the tangible effects of systemic pressures on mental and physical health. Dr. Oriolo shares personal anecdotes illustrating how chronic stress from oppressive environments can manifest in severe health issues.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"I went to my doctor and he said, 'You need to choose. Choose the job or your health.' And when I left that job, my body returned to normal." [55:04]
Emily supplements this with her own experiences, underscoring the importance of setting boundaries to preserve one's well-being.
Emily:
"I took one medication six months out of the year, two medications for 12 months... my whole life is defined by whether or not I can sleep as a result of perimenopause." [35:22]
6. Promoting Drink Water, Mama, Mind Your Business
In promoting her book, Dr. Oriolo outlines its intended audience and the resources available to readers. She emphasizes the book's relevance to anyone impacted by supremacy culture, offering free resources to democratize access to information.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"This book is for anyone who has been told that self-esteem is a personal problem... impacted by supremacy culture." [16:01]
Emily advocates for supporting the book through various means, highlighting the importance of community and collective responsibility in fostering change.
Emily:
"If your library doesn't have it, please ask them to carry your book... request it from your local library." [43:32]
7. Building Community and Accountability
The hosts and Dr. Oriolo discuss the importance of community support in navigating personal and societal challenges. Dr. Oriolo differentiates between responsibility and accountability, urging listeners to define clear goals and take actionable steps toward change.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"Responsibility is task-oriented. Accountability is outcome-oriented... define what you want." [21:05]
Emily reinforces this by sharing strategies for sustainable self-improvement and the significance of collective effort.
Emily:
"Run as fast as you can today and also the three days after that. It's about what's sustainable over time." [85:00]
8. Embracing Authenticity and Overcoming Shame
The episode concludes with a powerful affirmation of self-worth and the importance of embracing one's true self despite societal pressures. Dr. Oriolo emphasizes that everyone's value is inherent and not contingent upon external validation.
Dr. Donna Oriolo:
"Other people may have more than you, but they're not worth more than you." [51:10]
Emily adds a final note on the significance of self-acceptance and the ongoing journey towards personal authenticity.
Emily:
"Your best is what it was today. And that was what you had. It was your best." [85:21]
Conclusion
"Introduction to Dr. Donna Oriolo" serves as a compelling entry into the Feminist Survival Project, setting the stage for future discussions on navigating and overcoming the myriad challenges faced by feminists today. Through candid dialogue and profound insights, Emily, Amelia, and Dr. Oriolo inspire listeners to embrace their authentic selves, challenge oppressive systems, and build supportive communities.
Key Takeaways:
- Systemic oppression ingrains beliefs that undermine self-worth and authenticity.
- Authenticity requires setting boundaries and prioritizing personal well-being.
- Collective responsibility and community support are essential for meaningful change.
- Drink Water, Mama, Mind Your Business offers valuable resources for those impacted by supremacy culture.
Notable Quotes:
- "Nothing says I love you quite like destroying the system that took root within you." – Emily [05:48]
- "We are planted, watered, fertilized in the idea that somebody is better than you, period." – Dr. Donna Oriolo [05:48]
- "Other people may have more than you, but they're not worth more than you." – Dr. Donna Oriolo [51:10]
- "Your best is what it was today. And that was what you had. It was your best." – Emily [85:21]
Listeners are encouraged to engage with Dr. Oriolo's work by obtaining her book, participating in reading groups, and accessing free resources available at drinkwaterbook.com.