Podcast Summary: "The Come As You Are Podcast" Feminist Survival Project with Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski
Episode Overview Released on November 16, 2022, the inaugural episode of the "Come As You Are" podcast, hosted by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, delves into the foundational concept of pleasure as the cornerstone of sexual well-being. Drawing from Emily's extensive experience as a sex educator and insights from guest Adrienne Maree Brown, the episode explores the interplay between pleasure, societal pressures, and personal liberation.
1. Introduction to Pleasure
The episode opens with Emily Nagoski inviting listeners to reflect on everyday moments of pleasure. She highlights how simple experiences—like savoring a warm shower or enjoying the perfect song—constitute pleasure and set the stage for understanding its significance in sexual well-being.
Emily Nagoski [00:01]: “This is pleasure.”
2. Defining Pleasure as the Measure of Sexual Well-Being
Emily emphasizes that pleasure, rather than frequency of sex or number of orgasms, is the true measure of sexual well-being. She underscores the importance of recognizing and cultivating personal pleasure to navigate the complexities of modern life.
Emily Nagoski [02:22]: “Pleasure is the measure of sexual well being. It's not about how much you crave sex... It's whether or not you like the sex you are having, whether it's genuinely pleasurable to you.”
3. Pleasure Activism with Adrienne Maree Brown
Introducing Adrienne Maree Brown, a pleasure activist and author of Pleasure Activism, Emily discusses the concept of pleasure as a deliberate practice essential for personal and social liberation. Adrienne elaborates on reclaiming the right to pleasure against systems of oppression.
Adrienne Maree Brown [04:39]: “Pleasure is a practice.”
Emily Nagoski [04:51]: “Adrienne's book is a practical and poetic guide to accessing greater pleasure.”
4. Insights from Audre Lorde
The conversation delves into Audre Lorde's influential essay, The Uses of the Erotic as Power. Audre's definition of the erotic as a profound sense of aliveness and satisfaction is highlighted, illustrating the deep connection between pleasure and empowerment.
Audre Lorde [06:33]: “The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos and power of our deepest feelings.”
Adrienne Maree Brown [07:22]: “It feels like she gave us this key... to be satisfied in this lifetime and that we could have contentment and small pleasures.”
5. Productivity vs. Pleasure
Emily and Adrienne discuss the societal emphasis on productivity, critiquing how it often overshadows the pursuit of pleasure. The term "chorgasm" is introduced—a feeling akin to orgasm derived from crossing tasks off a to-do list, highlighting the fleeting nature of productivity-induced satisfaction.
Emily Nagoski [11:45]: “Chorgasm can admittedly feel great.”
Emily Nagoski [11:58]: “We live in a world that defines the good as making a profit instead of meeting human needs.”
6. Practices for Cultivating Pleasure
Adrienne shares practical strategies for integrating pleasure into daily life. These include transitioning rituals after work to reconnect with aliveness, such as spending time in nature or taking a bath, and maintaining gratitude practices to acknowledge daily pleasures.
Adrienne Maree Brown [16:22]: “I need to take five minutes... run that energy down into the earth before I try to interact with anyone.”
Adrienne Maree Brown [17:36]: “What pleasure was I able to experience in this day?”
7. Gratitude and Radical Gratitude Spell
Adrienne presents a powerful gratitude practice through her poem, "Radical Gratitude Spell," emphasizing the importance of recognizing and honoring the small pleasures even amidst struggles and grief.
Adrienne Maree Brown [17:51]: “You are a miracle walking... You are enough. Your work is enough. You are needed. Your work is sacred.”
8. Caller Interactions and Practical Advice
Throughout the episode, callers pose questions about enhancing sexual desire, navigating sex post-divorce, and balancing work with personal well-being. Emily and Adrienne provide evidence-based and compassionate responses, reinforcing the episode's central theme of prioritizing pleasure.
Caller 1 [02:07]: “How can I increase my spontaneous desire again?”
Caller 4 [21:02]: “Are you supposed to have sex when you get that old?”
9. Conclusion and Call to Action
Emily concludes the episode by encouraging listeners to adopt intentional pleasure practices to foster sexual liberation and a more fulfilling life. She highlights the transformative impact of gratitude and mindful pleasure in shifting perspectives from mere productivity to holistic well-being.
Emily Nagoski [19:37]: “I highly recommend it. In the rest of the series I'll be answering your questions.”
Key Takeaways:
- Pleasure as Fundamental: Pleasure is essential for sexual well-being and personal fulfillment, transcending traditional metrics like frequency or intensity of sexual activity.
- Pleasure Activism: Actively pursuing pleasure is a form of resistance against oppressive systems, enabling personal and social liberation.
- Balancing Productivity and Aliveness: Recognizing the transient satisfaction from productivity versus the enduring fulfillment from pleasure encourages a healthier, more balanced life.
- Practical Practices: Implementing rituals for transitioning between work and personal life, and practicing gratitude, can significantly enhance one’s ability to experience and sustain pleasure.
Notable Quotes:
- Emily Nagoski [00:01]: “This is pleasure.”
- Adrienne Maree Brown [04:39]: “Pleasure is a practice.”
- Audre Lorde [06:33]: “The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos and power of our deepest feelings.”
- Emily Nagoski [17:36]: “What pleasure was I able to experience in this day?”
Recommendations: Listeners are encouraged to engage with practices that prioritize pleasure, such as gratitude journaling and intentional self-care rituals, to enhance their sexual well-being and overall quality of life. Additionally, exploring Adrienne Maree Brown’s Pleasure Activism can provide deeper insights into integrating pleasure into activism and personal growth.
Stay Connected: For more insights and episodes, follow Emily Nagoski on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to the newsletter at emilynagoski.com. The podcast is produced by Pushkin Industries and available on all major streaming platforms.