Podcast Summary: Feminist Survival Project Episode: Understanding Disability Etiquette
Release Date: April 22, 2025
Hosts: Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

Introduction to Disability Etiquette

In this enlightening episode of the Feminist Survival Project, hosts Emily and Amelia Nagoski delve into the nuanced world of disability etiquette. Aimed at feminists feeling overwhelmed by societal expectations, the episode provides practical guidance on interacting respectfully and empathetically with individuals with disabilities. Drawing from their personal experiences and expertise, Emily and Amelia offer actionable insights to foster understanding and inclusivity.

Personal Perspectives on Disability

Emily begins by sharing her journey from being able-bodied for over four decades to becoming an ambulatory wheelchair user and identifying as autistic. This transition has heightened her awareness of justice, right and wrong, and the importance of rule-following.

Emily [00:44]: "I have not had any time to internalize the idea that because I'm disabled I should be apologetic for needing more resources. There's a lot of me that's just like, why should anything about my life be different just because I can't walk very far?"

Amelia acknowledges Emily's perspective, highlighting the common tendency among disabled individuals to feel the need to be apologetic.

Amelia [01:19]: "It is the case. Because I walk with a cane... I've witnessed the apologeticness of people who are disabled who use wheelchairs."

Mobility Aids and Social Interactions

The conversation pivots to the use of mobility aids such as wheelchairs and scooters. Emily emphasizes that most wheelchair users are ambulatory and questions societal skepticism toward visible mobility aids.

Emily [03:08]: "Most people who use wheelchairs are ambulatory. If you can walk, why are you using a wheelchair? Because if I walk a hundred steps, I'm gonna have to lay down."

Amelia shares observations from airports, noting the often overly polite demeanor of wheelchair users, which can be exhausting.

Amelia [02:44]: "At a place like an airport, for example, I board with the people who are using wheelchairs. They're almost always super ultra friendly and nice toward the people who are wheeling them down the jetway."

They discuss the discrepancies in treatment between wheelchair and scooter users, highlighting societal biases.

Emily [04:30]: "The difference in treatment you get when you use a scooter versus a chair is shocking."

Accessible Restroom Etiquette

A significant portion of the episode addresses the appropriate use of accessible bathrooms. Emily outlines scenarios where using a wheelchair-accessible stall is appropriate and emphasizes not judging others for their reasons.

Emily [08:09]: "There are absolutely circumstances... Use the minimal support need provided."

Amelia shares frustrations with parents misusing accessible stalls for convenience rather than necessity.

Amelia [10:10]: "Parents choose the accessible stall because they want to be in there with their child, not because they need it."

They establish guidelines to ensure accessible resources are available for those who genuinely need them, advocating for mutual respect and understanding.

Helping Others Respectfully

The hosts transition to discussing how to offer help without imposing it. Emily advises always asking before assisting and respecting refusals without pressing further.

Emily [25:57]: "If you want to help someone with a disability, ask first. Do you want help?"

Amelia concurs, emphasizing the importance of consent and specificity when offering assistance.

Amelia [29:28]: "If a person asks, help them with that little thing they asked for and not more."

They caution against assuming what help is needed, encouraging listeners to listen and respond to the individual's requests.

Public Interactions and Personal Stories

Personal anecdotes illustrate the challenges and triumphs in navigating public spaces as individuals with disabilities. Emily recounts a troubling interaction with a pilot who questioned her use of a wheelchair.

Emily [56:42]: "How can you use that chair when you don't need it?"

Amelia shares a positive experience where a flight attendant respectfully offered assistance without overstepping boundaries.

Amelia [30:27]: "They asked... They did the thing that they offered to do that I consented to, and it was a fantastic experience."

These stories highlight the spectrum of societal reactions and the importance of respectful, consent-based interactions.

Summary and Guidelines

Towards the episode's conclusion, Emily and Amelia summarize key etiquette rules for interacting with individuals with disabilities:

1. Do Not Touch Mobility Aids Without Consent:

   • "Don't touch people's mobility aids or hearing aids without their consent." (Emily [06:29])

2. Recognize the Diversity of Needs:

   • "People using mobility aids all have differing needs, and yet all have the same need." (Amelia [22:02])

3. Use Accessible Resources Respectfully:

   • "Use the least amount of support available that you require." (Emily [39:48])

4. Offer Help Appropriately:

   • "Ask first, listen to what they ask for, and do that thing." (Emily [54:35])

5. Avoid Assumptions About Abilities:

   • "Don't assume adulthood or intellectual capacity based on visible disabilities." (Emily [24:46])

6. Respect Autonomy and Independence:

   • "People prefer to do things independently when they can." (Amelia [36:41])

The hosts stress the importance of empathy, consent, and respect in fostering inclusive environments.

Conclusion

In this episode, Emily and Amelia Nagoski provide a comprehensive guide to disability etiquette, blending personal experiences with practical advice. By adhering to these guidelines, listeners can contribute to a more respectful and inclusive society, alleviating the exhaustion and overwhelm often felt by feminists navigating these complex social dynamics.

Emily [54:33]: "Don't touch their aids. Ask first, listen to what they ask."

Amelia [57:44]: "Help people the way they ask to be helped and don't help without their permission, period."

This episode serves as an essential resource for anyone seeking to understand and practice respectful interactions with individuals with disabilities, reinforcing the podcast's commitment to empowering feminists in their daily lives.