Transcript

A (0:00)

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B (0:15)

Episodes of Financial Audit a week earlier. Check us out on YouTube. You know what she wants to do, guys? Has she discussed it with you? She wants everything to come into one account and then give you two allowances. The one who makes no money handing out allowances. That's.

A (0:28)

That's not where I was thinking.

C (0:29)

Yeah, I told you that before.

B (0:32)

And you guys talked about bringing in a second dick. It would get more affordable.

C (0:36)

Just a penis. You'd be a loved peanut.

B (0:41)

Is this you guys again?

C (0:42)

Yes.

B (0:43)

Wow. Okay. Everything is done.

A (0:44)

I don't have any credit cards open.

B (0:46)

Why would you want to come into this? Do you just want to combine so that we have her income?

D (0:51)

Caleb, you mind if I take a second?

B (0:52)

Can you guys take a second? Thank you.

C (0:55)

He's probably going to need time before.

B (0:57)

He comes back on.

C (0:58)

He's going to shut down.

B (1:01)

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A (1:23)

Summary

Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer

Episode: Financial Audit's First Throuple

Date: September 29, 2025

Overview

This episode of Financial Audit features the podcast’s first-ever “throuple”: Alice (34), Joey (37), and Ella (31) from Tucson, Arizona. The trio is navigating not only an unconventional romantic and family arrangement—including three adults, four kids, two grandparents, and pets in one household—but also an immensely complicated and precarious financial situation.

Host Caleb Hammer approaches their unique dynamic with curiosity, candor, and humor, using his trademark tough-love style to break down their tangled finances, patterns of overspending, and the challenges of integrating finances in a polyamorous household. The episode is a blend of candid relationship talk, stark financial reality checks, and moments of levity as each partner attempts to reconcile their personal habits and shared obligations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to the Throuple & Family Dynamics

[01:23–05:10]
- Alice and Joey are legally married, and Ella is their girlfriend who recently moved in.
- All three are raising four children (three from Alice & Joey; one from Ella).
- Joey's parents also live on the property, making a total of nine people in the home.
- The family structure is openly polyamorous:
  
  “This is polyamory at its finest.” – Alice [01:47]
- Kids have affectionate nicknames for Ella, like “Syrup,” and regard her as a parental figure.

2. Current Living & Financial Situation

[06:05–13:13]
The trio live together in a 2,000 sq ft house on five acres.
The house is jointly purchased by Alice and Joey.
Joey’s parents contribute $1,000/month to household expenses, but are described as “very religious” and not supportive of the relationship structure, though they like Ella personally.
The house is considered too expensive and not necessarily a home anyone loves ("No, I didn’t really want it from the beginning." – Alice [28:20])

3. Income, Employment & Roles

Major Income Sources:
- Joey: Teacher, ~$80,000/year.
- Alice: Teacher’s aide and ghost tour guide, ~$1,500/month.
- Ella: Recently switched to nursing assistant, expects $20/hr.
- Joey’s parents: flat $1,000 monthly contribution.
- Previous attempted income from a now-closed coffee shop and other lost ventures.
Alice and Joey are applying for school to get radiology certificates.
Multiple references to the stress of balancing work, school, and parenting for all parties.

4. Financial Dynamics and Integration Challenges

[13:56–19:03]
- Ella remains financially independent but is considering integrating her finances.
- There is anxiety and hesitation about combining, especially for Ella, who’s used to independence.
  
  “I have trouble letting go. I’ve always been in control of my own money.” – Ella [18:50]
- Alice is the de facto “household CFO,” but her control is questioned:
  
  “You’re very dominating. The one who makes no money handing out allowances… you’re very controlling.” – Caleb [23:14]
- Joey admits he has avoided being involved in finances, which has led to “money anxiety.”

5. Debt Situation

[19:54–49:09]
- Total combined debt (including house): ~$551,000.
  - Mortgage: $437,911.
  - Other debts (credit cards, personal loans, etc.): $113,063.
  - Student loans, family loans, collections, medical debts, etc.
- Alice and Joey had previously moved to New Hampshire, bought and sold property at a loss, and took out personal loans (“starting to feel like a pattern”).
- Much of the debt is high interest (over 10%), and several payments are overdue.
- Some credit cards are maxed out or over the limit; some loans are in collections or under debt relief.
  
  “Did you know you’re over the limit? … You’re saying ‘we know.’ He doesn’t know! Why do you say ‘we’?” – Caleb to Alice [43:35]
  
  “We’re behind on everything.” – Joey [97:22]

6. Spending and Budgeting Habits

[46:49–108:13]
- Massive overspending on “bullshit”—mostly fast food, eating out, and miscellaneous treats.
  
  “Going out to eat was $1,035 last month and you can’t make a $1,000 minimum payment on a credit card because ‘we paid our other bills’—that’s a bull excuse.” – Caleb [46:56]
- Grocery spending is “bougie,” not frugal, and repeatedly called out.
- Nearly all participants acknowledge impulse/guilt spending—for themselves and especially on their kids.
  
  “I cave when it comes to the kids… I know I do. I can’t really justify that.” – Alice [107:22]
- Admission of “cope spending” in the face of stress, grief, and anxiety. Much of their lifestyle has failed to adjust to new realities post job/career and life disruptions.

7. Communication and Emotional Dynamics

[51:04–70:03]
- Joey admits to “shutting down” when confronted with financial stress.
- Caleb repeatedly encourages Joey to take more responsibility rather than retreat.
- Multiple moments where Alice’s dominance and comedic coping are recognized, but the need for collective accountability is stressed.
  
  "He was also asked on multiple occasions to be involved in the finances and he opted not to..." – Alice [68:18] "If you choose not to be involved, then it goes off the cliff. You got a bit of responsibility in there." – Caleb [53:19]

8. Long-Term Prospects and Potential Solutions

[91:20–129:28]
- The household is barely solvent given current income relative to debt and expenses (“We need 9,801, but only bring in 9,900—a $98/month surplus”).
- Bankruptcy is discussed as a possible but last-resort option.
- The only possible ways out:
  - Increase income (more work, side gigs, etc).
  - Radically cut spending, especially eating out.
  - All adults actively participate in financial decisions.
  “Looks like the only way forward is we’re going to do this Javier Milei style. We’re going to make big cuts.” – Joey [94:27]
- Therapy is suggested for both financial anxiety and to improve communication.
- Ella is almost out of her personal debt relief program but brings baggage from her previous relationship and some collections.
- Ceremony/proposal moment: Alice gives Ella a ring in a symbolic commitment gesture [119:07-119:50].

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On financial integration:

Alice: “Poorly. That's what we're really trying to figure.” [07:18]
Caleb: “You’re very domineering. The one who makes no money handing out allowances… you’re very controlling.” [23:14]

On their debt shock:

Caleb: “$550,974 – it's like $200,000 higher than you thought, Ella.” [21:19]
Joey: “Oh, that's a lot larger of a number than I was hoping for.” [22:13]

On overspending:

Caleb: “Going out to eat was a thousand thirty five last month and you say you can't make a thousand dollar minimum monthly payment on a credit card because you pay your other bills… that's a bull excuse.” [46:49]

Emotional toll:

Joey: “I'm deployed to my f***ing life. I couldn't go and walk through the house to go to the bathroom. I'd piss outside so I didn't have to walk past my kids… I'm a ghost in my own reality to try and earn as much money as I can.” [48:24]

Proposed solutions:

Joey: “Maybe I should be the one who's dealing with all this, and maybe Alice ought to be the one who's on a stipend.” [91:40]
Ella: “Everything is achievable, but it does take a lot of work and discipline. And I would like to have a lot more say on, you know, saying no.” [113:52]

On dynamic:

Caleb: “Are you sure they aren’t ‘cope loving’? Because sometimes people look for extra things when life is hard—are you sure that once life gets back to normal, the place for you is there as much as it is today?” [77:48]
Alice (proposal): “Maybe there'll be more. Maybe we'll have a whole handful of rings.” [119:07]

Timestamps for Important Segments

Dynamic & Family Setup – [01:23–06:11]
Parent/Grandparent Involvement – [12:04–12:32]
Income and Debt Overview – [13:56–22:04]
Financial Shock at Debt Total – [20:00–22:13]
Mortgage & Housing Situation – [28:20–39:10]
Patterns of Overspending & Eating Out – [46:49–56:02], [105:01–108:13]
Relationship & Financial Control Dynamics – [23:14–24:19], [51:04–53:14]
Emotional Reactions and Coping – [48:24–49:09], [69:06–70:03]
Proposal & Commitment Symbolism – [119:07–119:50]
Budget Breakdown and Feasibility – [122:35–126:32]
Final Assessment & Financial Score – [129:27–130:16]

Final Assessment

Hammer Financial Score: 2/10 (generously rounded up)
- Extreme debt load, disorganized finances, chronic overspending, minimal retirement, and household just barely covering minimum expenses.
Key Action Points:
- All adults must be equally engaged in finances.
- Extreme, immediate spending cuts, especially on dining/impulse buys.
- Increase household income by all possible means.
- Consider therapy for anxiety and as a group.
- Consider bankruptcy as a last resort after changing behaviors.

Tone & Atmosphere

The episode mixes blunt financial critique and humor with moments of real empathy and vulnerability. Caleb is direct—often exasperated by the chaos—but never cruel. The trio shows good humor despite tough revelations, and while the relationship is unconventional, they’re honest about both their love and their issues. The household’s situation is dire but not hopeless—if radical accountability and cooperation replace the current cycles of avoidance and cope spending.

For Listeners:

This episode will appeal to those interested in complex family structures, real-life financial struggles, and the intersection of relationship dynamics and money. If you’ve never heard a couples’ (or throuple’s) audit before, this episode is the definition of “unfiltered reality.”