Her "Baby Daddy" Destroyed Her Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer

Episode: "Her 'Baby Daddy' Destroyed Her Life"

Date: October 11, 2023
Guests: Jenna (21, Yukon, Oklahoma)
Host: Caleb Hammer

---

Overview

In this emotionally charged and candid episode, host Caleb Hammer sits down with Jenna, a 21-year-old server from Yukon, Oklahoma, who reveals the tumultuous financial and personal repercussions of a relationship with her much-older ex-partner—the father of her two young children. The discussion centers on Jenna's struggles with debt, single parenthood, trauma from an abusive relationship, and her efforts to regain custody of her kids, all while trying to rebuild her financial life and mental health. The episode is a deep exploration of resilience in the face of relational and financial adversity, with practical advice on budgeting, debt repayment, and mental healthcare.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jenna's Background and Current Situation

• Employment:

  • Recently started serving at Buffalo Wild Wings, currently making around $1,200/month (00:42).
  • Previously worked as an Arby’s manager, earning nearly double ($2,400/month) (08:15).
  • She lives with her father after fleeing an unsafe situation with her ex (01:15).

• Custody and Family Dynamics:

  • Jenna has two children, both with her ex who is 20 years her senior (she met him at 18, he was 38) (02:00, 02:40).
  • Currently does not have custody; her ex is withholding the children, and there is no formal custody agreement yet (02:05).
  • Ex has a history of abusive behavior, including domestic violence and controlling tactics (04:24, 33:41).

• Support System:

  • Now relies more on her father and family; her parents are more supportive after witnessing the ex’s neglect (10:47).

Memorable Quote:
"I'm only 21. I had both my kids before I turned 21, and he's keeping them from me right now because he's scared if he lets me see them or take them, that I won't bring them back. But I've never done that to him." — Jenna (03:02)

---

2. Relationship Trauma and Its Consequences

• Abusive Behavior:

  • The ex was arrested for domestic assault while Jenna was pregnant, which began a cascade of trauma and instability (04:41).
  • She describes a particularly traumatic incident: "He drove off with the car door open. And I fell off on the highway" while pregnant (05:28).

• Psychological Impact:

  • Jenna acknowledges grooming and manipulation due to the significant age and power difference (03:28).
  • Diagnosed with PTSD as a direct result of the relationship; struggles with depression and possible bipolar disorder (27:07; 41:12).

"I have never been more miserable than when I am with my baby daddy." — Jenna (35:41)

---

3. Financial Snapshot and Analysis

• Income/Budgeting:

  • Her current income is unsustainable, especially without child support (08:48, 09:03).
  • Using government food assistance (SNAP/food stamps: $375/month) and SoonerCare Medicaid (16:04, 17:54).
  • No rent payments due to living with her dad, but struggles with car insurance and expenses (38:15).

• Debt Situation:

  • Multiple credit cards opened to build credit and to buy essential baby supplies (09:52).
  • Total debts include Amazon, Discover, Destiny, Victoria’s Secret cards, and a Chime credit builder (23:13, 23:38).
  • Current balances:
    • Amazon: ~$1,100, Discover: ~$1,350, Destiny: $110, Victoria’s Secret: $248 (14:00–23:42).
  • Many missed payments, fees, and high interest rates (up to 27.49%) due to prioritizing kids’ needs and instability (14:46; 17:20).
  • Jenna’s credit score dropped to 467, recently improved to 521 after some repayments (15:25).

• Financial Habits and Critique:

  • Despite poverty, 25% of monthly spending went to non-essentials: eating out, convenience foods (taquitos, Red Bull), and minor "feeling better" shopping (24:38; 43:04).
  • Occasional cash advances through “Dave,” a cash advance app, further complicated her finances (29:08).
  • Host critiques this as "25% is going to bullshit" (50:02).

"We are not going to use excuses... Chaos is chaos, but your future matters. Even in the midst of a storm." — Caleb (26:16)

---

4. Education and Future Planning

• Education:

  • Jenna is attending a local state college, majoring in Business Management; tuition covered via Pell Grants (20:27).
  • She is in her first semester, balancing full-time coursework with serving (20:49).

• Career Path:

  • Has prior management experience at Burger King and Arby’s (21:13).
  • Intends to pursue higher-paying management jobs after degree, possibly outside fast food (22:04).

---

5. Mental Health and Coping

• Coping Mechanisms:

  • Recognizes that much of her discretionary spending is emotional—used for comfort against loneliness, pain, and trauma (26:32).
  • Host strongly urges therapy as a healthier, more sustainable coping mechanism (27:03).

• Current Mental Health Support:

  • Medicaid covers therapy; has begun appointments, in process of transferring providers after her move (27:07; 37:13).
  • Diagnosis of PTSD, longstanding depression/anxiety, possible bipolar disorder—host encourages seeking a second psychiatric opinion (41:43).

---

6. Practical Financial Rehabilitation Steps (Host's Advice)

Debt Repayment Plan

• Tackle credit cards one at a time to remove accruing interest and minimum payments step-by-step (17:20).
• Pay off Destiny and Victoria’s Secret cards first, then Amazon and Discover; possible to eliminate the debt within 6–12 months with higher income (43:45).
• Avoid using cash advance apps and incurring more fees/interest (29:08).

Budgeting

• Jenna’s budget, post-essentials and food assistance, can allow ~ $350 surplus/month if she cuts all non-essentials (43:10).
• Host insists on total elimination of discretionary, “feel-better” spending until she’s out of debt (24:38–26:32).
• Start an emergency fund after debts are clear, aiming for $5–10k (45:58).

Building Toward the Future

• After establishing an emergency fund, start contributing 20% of income toward retirement (Roth IRA or 401k), even on a modest income (46:35).
• As legal and custody issues settle, secure child support and move toward independence—don’t move out before clearing debts (32:21).

Support & Encouragement

• Host and show offer continued support, encouraging Jenna to reach out during her journey (49:21).

“Let’s say: it will be nice, not it would be. Because you can go do this. If you follow what I laid out here, you’re gonna have a successful life, financially speaking.” — Caleb (46:01)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He [drove] off with the car door open. And I fell off on the highway…pregnant too.” — Jenna (05:28)
• “The car you have, is it paid off?” … “I bought it with my taxes this year.” — Jenna (12:28)
• “I beat myself up because I should have known.” — Jenna (11:25)
• “That is heartbreaking. That's terrible.” — Caleb (02:22)
• “That's not good when 25% is going to bullshit.” — Caleb (50:02)
• “He needs to be an adult... Be an adult. My goodness, this man.” — Caleb (11:19)
• “We are not going to use excuses to [mess] around…Your future matters. Even in the midst of a storm.” — Caleb (26:08)
• “We're gonna do it someday and I'm gonna be in a better place. I'm sure of it.” — Jenna (49:53)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–01:17: Jenna’s background and move for safety
• 01:58–03:28: Children, custody, and age-gap relationship
• 04:24–05:41: Domestic violence and traumatic incidents
• 08:15–09:38: Work/income history and financial strain
• 10:47–11:19: Family support and reflections on the relationship
• 14:00–18:17: Deep dive into credit card debts and payment history
• 20:15–22:39: Jenna’s college education and management experience
• 24:38–26:32: Critique on emotional spending and budgeting advice
• 27:03–27:19: Therapy, mental health, and coping strategies
• 32:21–33:11: Logistics of support, childcare, and future planning
• 36:01–36:55: Relationship violence, custody battles, and mental exhaustion
• 43:04–45:58: Host’s debt repayment and financial recovery plan
• 46:01–49:53: Motivation, actionable steps for financial security, and encouragement

---

Final Hammer Financial Score (50:02)

• Spending in a budget: 2/10 ("25% is going to bullshit.")
• Debt: 2/10 (No collections or IRS, but still bad for her income)
• Emergency fund: 0/10 (none)
• Retirement: 0/10 (none)
• Real Estate: 0/10 (none)
• Overall Hammer Score: 1/10

---

Episode Tone & Takeaways

This episode is raw, vulnerable, and at times heavy, but also deeply supportive and practical. Caleb balances compassionate validation of Jenna’s trauma with firm, actionable advice, setting high—but realistic—expectations for her path forward:

• Honesty about trauma and mistakes is crucial for growth.
• Emotional spending is understandable but unsustainable; therapy is necessary.
• Budgeting, increased income, aggressive debt repayment, and legal action are the pillars of Jenna’s recovery plan.
• The show promises ongoing support and sets a goal for Jenna to revisit with a “completely turned around life” in a year.

---

Summary written in the candid, accessible style of the original conversation, focused on clarity and comprehensive coverage for those who haven’t listened to the episode.

Transcript

[A]

My name is Jenna. I'm 21, I'm from Yukon, Oklahoma. And this is Financial Audit.

[B]

Well, thanks for coming down from Oklahoma. So what do you do for a living up there?

[A]

I'm actually a server. So I wait tables at a Buffalo Wild Wings.

[B]

Ooh, I love me some B dubs. Okay, servers depending on the area. And Buffalo Wild Wings is honestly kind of expensive. You can be making some money. What would you say you bring in on average? Because I know a lot of that is tip based. Let's think average on a monthly basis.

[A]

Well, the average. I haven't really gotten a good consistent average because I haven't worked there like that long.

[B]

How long have you been working there?

[A]

It's been like a couple months. Probably like two.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what did you bring in last month?

[A]

Probably about like $1200. Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean maybe, but total. You're talking after tips and wages?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What's the minimum wage in Oklahoma?

[A]

It's 213 an hour.

[B]

No, no, no. What's the minimum wage?

[A]

725.

[B]

725. So if you don't make. Make that after. Yeah, after tips, then. Okay, so. Okay. Wow.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I just.

[B]

You live alone?

[A]

Started. Well, I live with my dad.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I live with my family right now. I just moved to Yukon cuz I'm from Weatherford. It's about an hour away.

[B]

Why'd you move?

[A]

Um, well, I had a couple situations going on with my kid's dad. So he showed up at my house and he wanted in. He was being on the door and the windows and stuff and it really freaked me out. We had been broken up. We've been broken up for a year now. So like that was only a couple months ago and he has a new girlfriend and everything. And so I figured the best way for me to be able to move on was to kind of like get away. And so I moved to Yukon because my dad lives there.

[B]

I know. You have two kids currently?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are they both his as well?

[A]

Yes, they are.

[B]

So you moved away. What's the custody agreement?

[A]

We actually don't currently have one. I am in the process of working on it. We kind of both are. I don't want to talk too much about it because he's kind of like keeping the kids from me right now.

[B]

So you don't have them?

[A]

No. It's really. Actually it's heartbreaking. It's terrible.

[B]

Yes. That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

[A]

Yeah, I've been begging to see them and he Won't let me see them.

[B]

You can cut this part of the conversation off at any time. Just let us know. But, like, how has that conversation and relationship gone where it's just like, okay, he's keeping them from you.

[A]

It's. Our relationship has been awful, basically, ever since I've known him. Like, I said, I was 18 when we met, and he was 38. He already has three kids before me.

[B]

Three before you.

[A]

And he has another one on the way with someone else that's being born today.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Yeah. So really, like, my mental health has been really messed up because of this, because I put everything into him. You know, I was 18 when we met. I'm only 21. I had both my kids before I turned 21, and he's keeping them from me right now because he's scared if he lets me see them or take them, that I won't bring them back. But I've never done that to him.

[B]

You met him in 18. You did not meet him younger than that?

[A]

No, it was 18. Yeah. That's a. A lot of people do get, like. Think it's sketchy. It kind of is sketchy. I didn't meet him until I was 18. But when you do the whole, like, time. Because our daughter and everything.

[B]

Well, the age gap, I'm just thinking, like, grooming and stuff like that. I mean, technically, yes, you're 18. You're an adult. Stuff, like, just.

[A]

Honestly, personally, now that I've been through it, I see it more, and, like, I wish I could have, like, seen it then, but I see it now, and it's really, like, it's been a struggle every day. Like, this is a. It's bad.

[B]

So he was banging on the. Okay. So, yeah. So there's some fear. And you moved home with Pop. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're far from your kids now.

[A]

Were you seeing them very often before that? I had them all the time, actually. I had them every day before this. So when we first broke up, he actually got arrested for domestic assault and battery in presence of a minor.

[B]

Against you or something?

[A]

Against me. While I was pregnant with my son. We had just found out I was pregnant with my son, and he got arrested for that, and we broke up. And we were broken up for a while, and we got back together for, like, a week. We broke up again, and they revoked his bond because he. Well, he wanted to talk to me. I had left his house, and he wanted to talk to me, so he asked me to talk to him, and he didn't want to talk to anybody, like in front of everybody inside. So he asked me to talk outside. It was raining. It was cold. I was pregnant. I was 18 weeks pregnant at this point. So I sat in the car. The door was open, no shoes on. My phone was inside. And he drove off with the car door open. And I fell off on the highway.

[B]

What the.

[A]

Yeah, it's bad.

[B]

Wow. Pregnant too. Okay. So, I mean, I think. Okay, first of all, I. There is absolutely no defense. Not even close.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Not even close. When we're going into the court situation, obviously we're probably gonna hear another side of the story. Just because I don't want to be someone who's just like, you know, I am not the court.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But even just. Let's just assume, just for the sake, you're the only person here, that everything you said is 100% the truth and there was nothing else at all. And there's no excuse for any of that crap anyway. Violence. Not even close. Wow. Sounds like you should probably have those kids. And it sounds like that's probably the direction that it will go, but. Wow, that's. I'm so sorry. You've been through all that.

[A]

Well, it's so much worse. That's just the beginning. This last year has been the worst year of my life. 100.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I. After that happened.

[B]

You're only 21.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's awful. I could only imagine, like. Like sometimes I think there are probably people that are double my age that have not even been through.

[B]

I haven't.

[A]

This. This my kids dad has put me through, like. Because, I mean, after that happened, his bond got revoked and we only had the one car. He told me it was a Christmas present before that all happened and he left and he took it.

[B]

Was it in his name or yours?

[A]

He never even changed the tag into anybody's name. So then when he left, I couldn't do anything about it. Well, I walked everywhere that winter while I was pregnant with my daugh. Okay. So, like, it's. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Again, this is assuming that everything you said is 100 true and correct. And it will be corroborated as so in the court of law. Yeah. I'm gonna need you in that situation then to definitely get custody. And then we're gonna need you to probably do some sort of restraining order. And then there was one at one point.

[A]

It did get dismissed, though, because the way that it works is like. Oh, sorry. The way that it works is like, he's from Kansas City, so that's where he ran off to when they revoked his bond? Well, they couldn't serve him as papers. And until they serve the papers, you have to continue to go. And I didn't have a car and it was like 20 minutes away, so you have to go every two weeks and see. And so it ended up getting lapsed over and dismissed. I didn't get that.

[B]

Might be something that we're looking at. That might be something we're looking at. Again though, if there is violence and, you know, constant communication, reaching out. Sorry, this is not how I expected this to kick off. So you said you bring in 1200amonth? Last month. Was that. Was that the number? 1200?

[A]

Yeah, but that's not normal for me. Like, before this, I was a manager at an Arby's and I made double that.

[B]

Is there an Arby's in the area?

[A]

There is. And I have been asked to go over there. It's just I've been. I was feeling out serving at Buffalo Wild Wings, you know.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Because I just started.

[B]

Well, all I'm saying is if we're building a life and then the kids come back, 1200 is going to be hard to live off of. Even in a low cost of living area that's gonna be. Well, I've definitely been 13, 14 a year.

[A]

I've definitely been making more lately, like. But it's just really inconsistent. I've been thinking about doing something else, obviously, because the area that I live in is way more expensive than where I'm even from.

[B]

Sure. But what I was gonna also say is child support. We should probably seek that as well. Again, assuming everything and anything that you've said is correct. We're only hearing from you. But it doesn't matter either way. If any kind of abuse or anything did happen. There's no excuse for that. Regardless, just. I want to make that crystal clear. But just assuming anything and everything you said is the truth. Yeah. We need to do restraining order. We probably needed to have some child support and stuff like that because this is going to be hard for you to live off of with two kids. Now, did you all plan on having children?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, well, so, I mean, I guess that kind of probably explains why you're in debt. Right? Okay, so we didn't have a lot of money. There's just been craziness in life.

[A]

Well, I. I opened the credit cards originally to like help with my credit. And then I got pregnant with my son and my kid's dad didn't help at all. Like, he disappeared. He left the state. He, like, I Still had my daughter, and he wouldn't. He didn't buy anything. And, like, so one of. One of those credit cards, the whole day is just to buy baby things for my son so that he had everything he needed before he born. And so, like, I'm in this hole and I feel like I'm drowning. But it was all just to like, make sure that I had, like, what they needed, you know? And they always. They've never gone without. Like, even now, like, my numbers are messed up by my kids.

[B]

Like, how are. How were your. Your parents in this situation?

[A]

They're a lot more supportive than they used to be. Like, because in the beginning, there was a lot of. He shades, he say, she say. But then my kid's dad, he left and he quit helping. And it was very obvious. Like, he didn't get my kids. He didn't get my daughter anything for Christmas, even though he was here.

[B]

Dude sounds like a complete piece of.

[A]

It's not. Yeah, he's not great. But I was like. I was so, like, we had created a family.

[B]

He needs to be an adult. I mean, what, he's like, 40 something right now?

[A]

41.

[B]

Be a adult. My goodness, this man.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I go through it every day. Like, I beat myself up because I should have known.

[B]

No, don't beat yourself up. You were 18 and this dude was basically 40.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You couldn't even drink yet. So I don't know. People always ask me, what high yield savings account do I use for my own money? Some of you know by now, it's so far, I love them. It's great for my checking account needs. It's great for my high yield savings account needs. And right Now I'm getting 4.5% interest on my monies. I love that rate on my monies. So if you want to get a great rate like that on your monies, just check out the link in the description below. I have a paid affiliate link there. You can get bonuses all the way up to $250. And I took advantage of that and you should, too. I don't know. That pisses me off. So I get why you went into the credit card debt. Obviously, your goal now is to get out of the credit card debt and.

[A]

Get out of the credit card debt.

[B]

And like, the car you have, is it paid off?

[A]

It is paid off.

[B]

Good.

[A]

I bought it with my taxes this year.

[B]

Oh, how much was it?

[A]

It was 3,500.

[B]

Okay. That's definitely very, very cheap for any kind of used car these days. Miles on it and what's the car and make?

[A]

It has like 167,000 miles.

[B]

What's the car?

[A]

It's a Nissan 2009 Nissan Sentra.

[B]

Okay. Okay. So we definitely need to get you an emergency fund. We need to get you out of the credit card debt because I want you to have these kids. But when you have these kids, we.

[A]

Need a. I need to have a plan. That is a big concern of mine because like I always find a way to make ends meet.

[B]

Like the court's also going to have a hard time putting the care of kids and someone who like can't financially support the kids. If I'm not, if I'm not mistaken.

[A]

Well, before this happened, like I said, like when I lived in Weatherford, I had a really good paying job and I did pay everything by myself. Like I paid all my rent, my bills, I bought everything for the kids. I never asked my kids dad for anything. I still, even now, like, even though he won't let me see them, I still buy everything for them. I do Walmart pickup orders.

[B]

So we're definitely gonna get you. We need to. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Again, just hearing your side, but assuming, assuming everything you said is correct. We need to get you those kids and then we need to get child support from that piece of $1,104 zone here. This is an Amazon card 350 payment. That's. That's actually. That's a good $40 is the minimum. So we're making progress on that. I assume not having rent is helping. Yes, dramatically with that. Very good. The car you drove down here is that car?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. $30 of interest is being stolen from me on a monthly basis. But you're not making any purchases, so.

[A]

I haven't made any since I realized how bad it was.

[B]

When was that?

[A]

A few months ago probably. I haven't made any purchases on any of these cards unless it was like a recurring b. I was going to.

[B]

Say there is one reoccurring that comes.

[A]

Up in another, but not on purpose. I haven't been using them because I. It's been stressing me out. Think about it.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure 145 of fees this year, so we probably have missed payments and. Well, was that during the transitionary period or.

[A]

Yeah, well, it was because I didn't have like I was making sure everything else is taken care of. Like my kids. Making sure everything for my kids was good, that they had everything. And then with moving, I didn't have anywhere to put all my kids stuff. So I had to get a storage unit and. Yeah.

[B]

And 206 hours of interest at a 27.49% interest rate on this card. So, yeah, it's definitely something we want to put. Your credit score is 467.

[A]

Actually, actually, actually, no. Since I paid some. Since I paid a lot of these, it's gone up. It's 521 now. It's gone up drastically pretty fast because I paid quite a bit.

[B]

Yeah, because you went from essentially, what is zero, honestly, when it comes.

[A]

Well, it was good when I opened them. But you had the missed payments. Yeah, it definitely got me pretty good.

[B]

Those will be on your score for a while, on your credit for a while. So discover it. We have. Yeah. This is another pretty big balance for your income situation. $1,348.20. Are you on. Are you on any government support with this income?

[A]

I get food stamps.

[B]

Yeah. I was going to say, because again, you're making like, if this continues, like 13,000 hours a year, essentially like that.

[A]

Yeah. Last year I think I made like 12.

[B]

How you said you had a better Arby's job.

[A]

Well, because I did take off, like, quite a bit while I was pregnant with my son.

[B]

Yeah, that was just last year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So while you were pregnant. Okay.

[A]

Well, not while I was pregnant, but. Well, kind of. Yeah. Because there was a job transition.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was working with my kid's dad and that didn't work, obviously.

[B]

Sounds like nothing works with that guy.

[A]

No, we do not work together.

[B]

$36 of interest accrued on this. There was a recurring purchase, four bucks. But you made a $300 minimum monthly payment. That's good. I am gonna critique how you're going about this. Instead of making, you know, decent chunks of payments towards everything across the board, which is what we've seen so far with the two cards. I want you to talk one at a time so we can just fully get rid of that minimum payment and fully get rid of the interest being accrued on that singular thing. And we'll get there at the end. But again, I am happy that Juviles clearly awoken to. This is not beneficial to us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

$57 minimum monthly payment with $36 of interest being accrued. Some dental thing. $4.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I didn't have any other card and I actually got my wisdom teeth removed and there was like a little fee for something I can't remember. And that was the only card I had on me.

[B]

Is this four bucks?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's like a co payment. I Don't know.

[B]

Are you on like the healthcare exchanges? So you have insurance?

[A]

I have sooner care, Medicaid.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Okay, yeah, that makes, that makes sense. Yeah. Fees this year again, probably missing payments. $121. We're probably missing a lot of payments for a bit and 84 bucks of interest.

[A]

Tell you exactly. I've missed two consecutive amongst on all cards.

[B]

Oh Lord, kill me. Okay, I. I have questions about just the getting in, especially to the second pregnancy and stuff like that, but that's just. This is not appropriate for my position. So I'm just. Yeah. Like we had an oops baby the first time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like, why were we not taking precautions?

[A]

Well, I did want to get on birth control, but he honestly told me he was scared it was going to make me fat, so. Ever been on birth control before I met him?

[B]

I'm just talking to him. He should just wrap it up.

[A]

Yeah, he doesn't like to do that. Obviously. He has six kids in at 40.

[B]

$164 of fees on this one this year so far and $41 of interest. Seven hours of interest. Agreed this last month. Did make a good payment. And $110 is what you brought it down to with a $40 minimum payment. $110. Good. This is. See what I would have done in hindsight is just fully made sure this card was completely done before paying extra on the other ones. But this one's a 24.9% now chime. We have a credit builder now for you. I mean, honestly, I think what a lot of people in your position do, if you're gonna use like a credit card, debit card, it's like, you know, I have mentioned them a million times with a fizz card. It acts like a. It acts like a debit card, but it helps build credit. It's just immediately paid off. Like it's a debit card essentially, but it helps build credit. So that's. That might be something worth considering versus something like this, which you can fall into different fees and interest and stuff on here that I just really don't like. A lot of at and T stuff on here. Then we're taking care of insurances and then multiple Amazon purchases. So you're just using this to build credit, I'm assuming.

[A]

Oh yes, I remember. So I'm also in college full time, so I had to buy books.

[B]

You are?

[A]

Yes, I am a very busy girl.

[B]

Are you? How's college being paid for?

[A]

I got it all covered by financial aid.

[B]

What? Well, hold on. Via Pell Grants.

[A]

Pell grants.

[B]

Okay, so not student loans, financial aid. Okay.

[A]

Basically it's because I'm poor.

[B]

Right. How much school have you finished so far?

[A]

I'm actually my first semester.

[B]

First semester community college.

[A]

It's a state college, but it's a very cheap one for the area.

[B]

Okay, well, I mean, it's being paid for, so I mean, I don't care. But what are you trying to study?

[A]

I'm looking into business management.

[B]

Lovely. Fantastic. Fully, fully supportive. That's great.

[A]

For my age, I have like, after my daughter was born, when she was two months old, I started managing at a Burger King. So I was 19, I had a two month old and I was the shift man. I was a shift manager. And after a couple months of shift managing, I became an assistant and I did that for a year. So I really like enjoyed doing that and supervising and doing the paperwork side of things. So I figured, yeah, but do you.

[B]

Not like working at the fast food places?

[A]

I actually have gotten to the point where I don't mind it that much. Like for a while I used to hate it and dread it, but now I honestly don't mind going.

[B]

I'm curious, why not just work that job then? I understand wanting to get a degree, but if you're already getting those jobs and making an okay living off of it, why not just like go down that path essentially, instead of taking the next four years?

[A]

Well, because they're not necessarily like the greatest paying jobs. Like as a business management, I would want to do more like in like a bigger company.

[B]

Sure. It also depends where because we've had fast food managers on the show making 60, $80,000 a year.

[A]

Well, in my current, like when I was a shift manager at Arby's, like the most I've made as a manager so far in My area was 12.50.

[B]

It was smaller. Lower income area though, right?

[A]

Well, yeah, it's gonna be a college town. It was a little bit more expensive for the area, but still extremely cheap compared to like definitely here.

[B]

Yeah. And then we just job shop in those situations as well. And you build up the resume. But no, I'm totally for this college and it's paid for. It's good. Just trying to see what you're trying to do and what you like to do. So there's no balance on that. Right on that chime.

[A]

Oh, no. Like, so the way that you have three deaths. Yeah. So the way that the chime one works is like it goes straight out of your Account like a.

[B]

But you have three deaths though. Correct. Amazon, Discover it and then the Destiny card.

[A]

There's one more.

[B]

Okay, I don't have that. What is it?

[A]

It's a Victoria's Secret card.

[B]

Now we didn't take that one out to survive.

[A]

No, we did not. We took that one out to make ourselves feel better.

[B]

Not against. I'm not against trying to feel better. Not against that. Against going into debt for it though, because now you're trying to climb out of it. What's owed on that? What's the balance like?

[A]

248.

[B]

Okay, 248.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Minimum monthly payment.

[A]

40.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Now this is a cash app. You're using it kind of like a checking account, spending account.

[A]

Well, so the way that I used to do it at Arby's and I kind of have it set up at Buffalo is I have like a percentage to my cash app, especially since my kid's dad has my kids. Like I just like for it to automatically be on there asking him money for the things he needs for my kids. So I do 15% on my cash app. But as a server that doesn't really work because I don't make anything in my regular checks. But before when I was making real checks, it was a bigger chunk.

[B]

Well, okay, so there's 70 cents in here. What are all these jiffy trips? Be honest, because these are like 14, $13. You can 100% tell on my end if we're doing a cheap gas fill up or if we're going in, we're around with some taquitos.

[A]

I'm not going to lie, it's probably a mixture of both.

[B]

Okay, so taquitos. Taquitos. Taquitos. Some drive through taquitos, pie shop, some Kanko. Kanako. Kanako. Arby's.

[A]

The Kanako is an oil change and stuff.

[B]

So you did it twice?

[A]

Well, I got an oil change and I got a Red Bull. Honestly.

[B]

Okay, pie shop, Brahms store, on cue. Some drive through McDonald's. By the way, where you worked was like places with drive thrus. You shouldn't give them money, they should give you money on cue. McDonald's. What's on cue? Amazon, what's on cue? Oh, you're taquitoing like crazy.

[A]

No, I really, it's not that bad. I don't feel like. But maybe it really is.

[B]

I mean I'm, I'm naming them off and taquitos and McDonald's and taquitos. How many taquitos did I name that month? So okay, like flat Out. I sympathize with your situation 100%, but because I care about you, because I care about your kids, because I want you guys to have an amazing future. When we're trying to get out of credit card debt and we're making $1,200 a month, we are not going to Mickey D's, we are not getting taquitos, we're not getting a Red Bull when we're getting an oil change. We're not around. We're just not doing it because your future matters. Your future matters. Your kids futures matter. We're not around right now.

[A]

Yes, I. I know. I've been trying to figure out how to get myself out. It's so. It's been so chaotic, like everything in my life.

[B]

We are not going to use excuses to around. We're not. Chaos is chaos and chaos sucks. It does. But your future matters. I mean, and it just is as simple as that. And we're choosing your future over around. Even in the midst of a storm.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like a lot of the reason that I do the mindless spending is because, like, I'm trying to make myself feel better because my situation is really not great.

[B]

No, absolutely. Again. And like I said, I sympathize with it, like, truly. But because I care about your future, it's just like what we need to find are better, better coping mechanisms now on the Medicaid and everything. Do you have therapy?

[A]

I've been looking into therapy.

[B]

I actually, we're no longer looking into it. We're doing it.

[A]

Well, I did. I have started the appointments. I know they or they diagnosed me with PTSD from my relationship with my kids. Dad.

[B]

Yeah, I bet. Yeah.

[A]

But since I moved, they were transferring me to a different facility. So it takes a little bit of a process. I haven't heard from them yet.

[B]

So in all the just chaos and storm and history and all that crap through that we worked the therapist to find better coping mechanisms and things like that instead of digging yourself deeper in a hole or preventing you from coming out of the hole as quick as you could be, which will take a big stressor off of you. So, yes, I think as far, anyone and everyone should do therapy, regardless of their mental health situation. But as far as someone who is like primed for it, yes, we need to make sure that you get the mental health that you need to get through the situation and then get out of it and have an overall improved life. So definitely take advantage of that and find a therapist that works best for you. Fits in the Plans that you have, you know, you might have to do a couple therapists to figure out the one that fits for you. Some people try one, doesn't work and then they stop. That's not how it operates. You got to find the right one for you. So definitely, definitely do that. That is going to be a major prescription for you from me. Therapy CHIME this is a checking account, but we ended with negative, negative $3.45. Yeah, I'm sorry. I get that. I get that it's making you feel better, but we're not doing. We're not. I get that. I get that and I'll say again that I sympathize with it, but we are not choosing a Red Bull at an oil change over actually having a positive balance in our checking account. We're not choosing that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Amazon, the Brahms store. Yeah. Taquitos and now Dave. I haven't seen Dave in a long time. Dave is like a, if I'm not mistaken, isn't like a cash advance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. We can, I'm sorry, that is, I.

[A]

Haven'T done one in a long time. It kind of just caught up to me. Well, it kind of just caught up to me from a while ago.

[B]

Yeah, we can't take advantage of that because in general you're not taking advantage of it. They're very much taking advantage of you. That's how that works.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So that's just, I, I, I get it in the situation and wanting and you know, it, it's that extra thing but especially when money's going out that we shouldn't do like in total with the taquitos and eating out, it was 11% of your overall spending. So when it comes to that and getting our, getting some advances on our money, you didn't have to if we weren't doing the spending and extra unknown shopping like Amazon and stuff, we don't, we don't know what that went to, but that's like extra 3.2%. So the extra spending and I get why it's a cope why. So we get it, but just looking forward, we're not borrowing from Dave to do that anymore. We're just not McDonald's taquitos from Walmart because there's only $2.70. Certainly not a necessity. Probably Dave again, spot me tip. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. Well, like.

[B]

Is that like a.

[A]

Okay, so if they spot you money, like who?

[B]

Chime okay, so if time's spotting your money and there's this extra fees with it, Just stuff we're not using or use something like the fizz card. My dude, I get wanting to have good credit, but you are not taking Spotify. I see you're on the student plan. Even still. 599. Your income, anything that. If we can stop anything we can listen to ads. It's okay. That's not gonna be a bank breaker. It's just the overall discipline and everything around it. We're changing our habits and we're not. We're not. We're not around anymore. So that's all your accounts. Is there more?

[A]

No, that's it. Actually.

[B]

Yeah. Those two spending accounts. Not much money came in. This is not survivable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. You're going to the school full time?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Good. What I might need to do, and this is gonna be hard. How much you can when you get the children back, which you should. If again, everything we said was correct. How much help is your dad gonna be to lean on?

[A]

Well, they actually just had a baby. My dad and his.

[B]

Everyone is just popping out little.

[A]

Yeah. So their son is my brother. Their son is actually six weeks younger than my son.

[B]

Oh, are they? Well, since they're already in the situation with an infant, are they gonna be able to help with yours?

[A]

I don't know. Honestly, like, I planned on moving out on my own eventually. Like in my own place. Yeah.

[B]

Not until you're out of debt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So this was my thought, so. And then I'll then tell me if it's possible. It's like, okay, we're going to school during the day. We're doing a little bit of homework after that. But what we're doing kind of in. Into the night a little. We're gonna make sure you can sleep and be healthy, but into the night a little. Maybe picking up an assistant manager position at.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A place so we can bring in more money.

[A]

I have thought about getting a second.

[B]

Job, but when you're working, who's going to take care of the kids? Will your dad?

[A]

That is the concern right now.

[B]

Okay. We need to have that conversation. Has that conversation been had?

[A]

Well, they have DHS assisted daycare, but how is that? Well, it's. It's good. But their dad hasn't been taking them because he doesn't want me to pick him up.

[B]

But once you're in. Oh my gosh. Are they just like being. That sounds like. Do they go outside? Is this a safe situation? Well, obviously from the history it sounds like probably not, but like they're not just being locked inside. Are they?

[A]

Well, they do. They do. Get out. It's just like he. He won't take them to daycare because he knows I can pick them up and he's scared if I pick them up, I won't bring them back.

[B]

And you wouldn't and you shouldn't.

[A]

It's been bad though. Like, I mean, just the other day he pushed me off the steps at his house and took the kids for me.

[B]

Dude, if for some reason you're watching this, you. You're a piece of. And I really don't like you. I don't really hate people. That's not really an emotion I feel. But I really don't like this guy.

[A]

Well, really, I mean, I was like three months pregnant with our son when I found out he had another baby on the way. And he lied to me the whole time and said it. He was like, it wasn't his kid.

[B]

He's a 40 something year old little baby.

[A]

Oh, that girl, she's 22.

[B]

No, he. He's a 40 year old child.

[A]

Yeah, well, we're. She's 22, I'm 21, he's 41. So he's got a type. Us youngins.

[B]

I want to take a brief moment to thank today's video sponsor, Aura. Are you sick and tired just like me and everyone else, honestly, of receiving endless spam calls every day? I mean, look at this. Let me open my phone. Look at this. This right here is all spam. It's crap. Except for one friend. There's one friend phone call. The rest is spam. Data brokers are making a fortune selling your information to robocallers, spammers and others who want to learn more about you, like where you live. But with Aura, they can identify data brokers exposing your info and submit opt out requests on your behalf. Brokers are legally required to remove your info if you ask them to, but they make it super hard to do. Let Aura handle that for you. Aura also does a lot more to protect you and your family from online threats you can't see. It's really easy to set up so you don't have to download several different apps to get things like parental controls, antivirus, vpn, password management, identity theft, insurance and more. You can get everything at one affordable price. Let Aura do the hard work of keeping you safe online so you can focus on other things with peace of mind. Go to aura.com hammer or check out the link at the top of the description below. Thanks again to Aura for sponsoring this episode. I mean, I don't know, I mean, 18. That's certainly where it gets a little sketchy because this is, like, on that cusp. And, you know, there can definitely be lots of manipulation and stuff like that.

[A]

I think there definitely, definitely was. I don't like to, like, make it a big deal, and I really don't talk about my situation a lot, like, to people, but, like, I have never been more miserable than when I am with my baby daddy.

[B]

Oh, I don't want you to ever see him again, other than across the room in a courthouse.

[A]

I. He, like, makes my life. He makes me hate my life and, like, the nicest way possible. Like, and I try to be nice to him and not, like, I really do try to be civil, but, like, the things that he's been doing the past nine months, it's hard to be, like, me and his. Like, me and the other girl have been in fist fights.

[B]

Like, gosh, it's. Well, don't do that. Don't go to violence.

[A]

Oh, no, she hit me first.

[B]

Either way, I don't want to see you land up in jail. Yeah, it's not going to be good.

[A]

It's not a good. It's not good. And that's what I'm saying. Like, I just, like, I want to run away almost, but I have to have my kids. I can't just run away. And I can't just, like, block him because, like, he has my kids.

[B]

I know. Well, we'll get there again. Well, we need to get there. That's. That's a part of the conversation that. I mean, that just needs to happen in the legal avenues, and I hope you're pursuing that so behavior. The Red Rock Behavioral health. Is that like a therapy copay?

[A]

Yeah, it's a copay for when I went to go see about medications for mental health.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

So like, a psychiatrist, it's like a. It's like a place that helps with all that kind of stuff. So they do the psychiatrist therapy, drug, like, if you had drug problems, all that kind of stuff. It's like a whole mental health. No, it's like a whole mental health place, if that makes sense. They. They specialize in mental health that, like.

[B]

Helps serve the community.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, actually with the unknown shopping. So with the tequilas and everything, now that we know what some of these places are and then include Dave, it's like 20. Almost 25% of your spending was. This doesn't need to happen. Not when we're borrowing from Dava. Okay, so phone at and T75 bucks. 75. So that's your phone bill? Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Building out your budget. You don't pay anything to your dad to live there?

[A]

No.

[B]

Good, because there's no money to be given. Car insurance. Basically a car payment. It's pretty. Yikes.

[A]

Yeah, My driver's license has been suspended twice for driving without insurance because I'm poor.

[B]

And gas, we only saw 63 bucks. But we also don't know again, some of those are taquitos, some are gas. I don't know. What do you think you spend on gas on a monthly basis?

[A]

Probably about like $150.

[B]

Okay. How much do you send. How much do you need to send to the kids? I guess. I mean, you said you did that, but how much do you.

[A]

Honestly, it really depends on what he needs for them, this man. Yeah. Usually I got better about not sending him money. Usually now I do Walmart pickup orders because.

[B]

Good. Because you never know what he's spending it on.

[A]

Yeah. That way I know that he's getting exactly what the kids need and nothing else. Like, I even do it for groceries and stuff. So, like, I buy their food and stuff, too.

[B]

How does groceries for you work at home?

[A]

Well, I get food stamps, so I get.

[B]

Does it fully cover everything?

[A]

I get $375 a month.

[B]

Good. So I'm actually not going to put food budget in your thing. Well, except for the kids.

[A]

Well, I. Okay. So, yeah, I use. I really use about 100 to 200. Well, like 150 to $200 on my kids.

[B]

For yourself.

[A]

For myself is the rest.

[B]

Do you spend any cash on it?

[A]

For their food.

[B]

For your food.

[A]

For my food, yeah. That's why there's so much eating out going on.

[B]

Okay, I'll give you an additional hundred bucks. I think that's how the math works. 150. Let's call it additional 150 for groceries. Toilet paper. Extra. Extra stuff for the kids as well. Stuff like this. Just what you need to survive. Extras for the household, because the kids are gonna put it up to 200. You're gonna have to adjust this, obviously, once you get full custody and everything, but. But more should come in because he needs to provide as well. He needs to. And we're going to make sure that is legally binding via the court. Oy, oi, oi. Okay. Utilities, Internet. Not a thing. Okay. Do you know what copays might be once you start receiving therapy? Or is it fully covered through Medicaid?

[A]

I want to say it's fully covered for the therapy part. The Only part that they more make you pay for is if you meet with the psychiatri psychiatrist, which is what that was because they said they didn't want to prescribe me anything because I'm adjusting to my life and they're worried that what I'm going through is just the trauma from my breakup, not anything else.

[B]

I can appreciate the perspective, you know, not just wanting to get someone on medication immediately through, you know, all like what could be a life change thing.

[A]

Yeah, well, I mean, so I tried to like talk to them about maybe like seeing because they just. They diagnosed me with ptsd, which is definitely new. That's something that wasn't a thing that I had before. But I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was in high school. And so like this has been a pattern.

[B]

You know, maybe we just get a second opinion.

[A]

That's what my mom was wanting me to do because they all are concerned with my spending habits and my. Just the way I carry myself. That I have bipolar disorder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's what I try to.

[B]

Were you diagnosed with bipolar?

[A]

Well, when I was younger they thought that that's what it was, but because like when you're that age, they don't want to diagnose you with something like that.

[B]

I want you to use your health insurance and go see a doctor as well.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I have to doctor. Go see a psychiatrist. Yeah. So well take. Let's take some personal responsibility. Aspect of this is you get this stuff scheduled.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So get some stuff scheduled. Take advantage of the program you're on. Anything else you need on a monthly basis. Phone bill, car insurance, gas, food, and then just the extra toilet paper and whatever else is needed. Anything else that is automatic coming? I don't think so. As well from you. Okay. So again, the situation is going to change when you get full custody, but hopefully the income situation through child support will also change. The grants not pay for the books they did.

[A]

It's just there was some other books that weren't like connected through the class that I had to buy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That just weren't automatically taken from my financial aid. That's why I paid on a separate account.

[B]

I need you to start budgeting and start going aggressive with it. Maybe this is your budget, maybe it's not. It's hard to say in this situation even still with the thousand two hundred bucks a month, you have an extra 350 bucks left. You could have over on a monthly basis, but I think the income is going to change, it's going to increase. It's going to increase with this job because you're going to get better at it. And we need you to get a better job in general, which we know you can do because you have the history and you have the resume for it. You work with a resume builder online as well and just.

[A]

I do have a resume like I have a pretty good one.

[B]

Put it through an algorithm though and make sure it gets reviewed and everything like that. It can, it can call out things that don't look good on a resume and it can offer improvements that'll push you over the edge for a better job. Either way, what I would do, because you live at home, there's less. You have a bit of a safety net. I'm going to. We immediately pay off the Destiny card and then we pay off the Victory card after that. That should be done within two months. Now the other two cards, I would attack the Amazon card the hardest. You could probably tackle that in this income situation in about four months and then you can tackle the discovery card in about five months. So we can do, we can eliminate the bad debt in a year ish. A year ish with your current income situation. But I think you could honestly get that down to six months with just a boost of 350 bucks a month. Just a boost of 350 bucks a month could cut that in half. I think you could do it even quicker than that. Well, what I need you to do immediately after attacking them in that order and working as much as you can to pay them off as much as you can, $10,000 minimum. I need you to put aside an emergency fund for medical things. Kid, medical things for yourself. You never know what's going to happen, what's not covered or things like that car breaks down, which would not be a surprise and doesn't make sense to put money into it. Then we go get ourselves five to $10,000 car that we're taking to a mechanic getting a seal approval that is going to get you kid, you and your kids around safely. Now this legal stuff, there's legal expenses as well potentially that are coming into this. Not 100% sure. You know, let's cash flow that the best we can. I would rather you put minimum, your kids come first, put minimum monthly payments towards the debts than the extra money that we have. Put them towards the legal things as necessary and. But then once that's resolved or you don't have to pay for something on a monthly basis, then put it towards the debt, put it towards saving up a fully funded emergency Fund. Yeah, I see you paying. If you go get a better job, which I know you can do and you know you can do, you can pay off the debt at least in six months. And then you'd have a fully funded emergency fund in a year from then. So a year and a half. Let's call you out of bad debt and a fully funded emergency fund and your life has changed.

[A]

Yeah, it would be nice.

[B]

It would be nice, but I have.

[A]

Been struggling since my kids have been born.

[B]

Let's say it will be nice though. Not. It would be, it will be because it's, it's right in front of you. It's. You can go do this. What I need you to do through that situation is aggressively budget, make sure you're pursuing the legal avenues to make sure you're. You get child support and you get full custody. But I also need you to take care of your mental health throughout this whole point because it could collapse on itself if you're not. If you fall into a depressive state or bipolar, you know, wherever it might be, I don't want you to fall back into old tendencies because mental health was not taken care of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's what I would do. And then something you should start considering when you're 22, 23, you'll still be in college, but that's paid for. Start contributing 20% after that, $10,000 in the emergency fund. 20% on a monthly basis towards retirement, Roth IRA. And you can put it into. If there's a work sponsored 401k as well. But let's max out that Roth IRA every year and let's do minimum 20% that included on a monthly basis into retirement. Because even on a lower income, but even just on a. Let's just say you were a fast food manager forever. Let's say you made 50,000 bucks. I could get you to being technically and officially a millionaire by retirement at your age. If we're putting 20% aside so we can get there. When you get to the place where you're better off than your parents ever were, you're better off than that piece of dude ever will be, and you have an amazing life built up for you and your kids, you could cash flow their college if you want to eventually. So I mean, there's a lot of avenues here, but those are the basic steps that need you to follow for the next year and a half. Ish. And then start getting on that retirement and pursue the legal avenues and take care of your mental health through that whole situation as well.

[A]

Yeah, it is nice seeing, like, because after my son was born, I got very depressed and I kind of let it all go. Obviously I got really low, like just to the point where I honestly didn't like, even want to go outside for like, months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so when I finally, like woke up and kind of like realized like, I needed to do something, it was kind of like all my stuff is already late and.

[B]

Sure. Well, that's in the past. Yeah, that's in the past. And if you realize you're in a mental health crisis, make sure you take advantage of the resources that exist out there. But that's in the past. We're not going to judge you for the past. Everything is as it is right now. What matters is what you're doing now and what you're going to do going forward. So if you follow what I laid out here, you're gonna have a successful life, financially speaking. There's other things that have to be dealt with outside of the finances, but financially speaking, you can have a successful life if you just follow this plan. Do you have any final questions, Any final thoughts?

[A]

I mean, it's good to feel like I'm gonna have a plan because, I mean, it's been like, it's been hard for me to really make a plan honestly, because I didn't know where to start. I mean, Obviously I was 18 when I had my kids. I barely knew how to take care of myself.

[B]

Well, we're gonna support you along the way. It's not a recording episode and off type situation. So any questions, any help, any resources, anything we can provide along the way, reach out to us. We're here. We have eyes on all the emails. So reach out to us. We will help and point you in the right direction and answer the questions that we, that we best can. And then keep us updated on your situation as well. I'd love to have you on in like a year, year and a half and see you just have a completely turned around life and we can all celebrate.

[A]

I would love to.

[B]

I hope you will love to.

[A]

Yes. We're gonna do it someday and I'm gonna be in a better place. I'm sure of it.

[B]

I'm sure of it too. Obviously a very difficult situation all around when it comes to her finances though. Hammer financial score spending in a budget. I'm gonna say 2 out of 10. It's really not good when 25% is going to bullshit. So 2 out of 10 debt, no collections, no IRS debt, but it's still really bad for her income. So 2 out of 10 emergency fund there's nothing 0 out of 10. Retirement there's nothing 0 10. Real estate there's nothing 0 out of 10. It's going to be a 1 out of 10 hammer financial score for now. Come back in a year and a half. Let's see what it is. Make sure to check out all the resources linked in the description below. They are what I use or would use in specific situations. If you want to be in an episode of Financial Audit and you're able to make it down to Austin, Texas, fill out the survey in the description below.