I Exposed Her Cheating On Financial Audit

Summary

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Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer

Episode: "I Exposed Her Cheating On Financial Audit"

Date: March 30, 2026

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Main Theme and Purpose

This episode of Financial Audit features Lily, a high-earning sales representative, and Bernard, her unemployed ex-boyfriend, as they unpack an unusually complicated and dysfunctional financial (and personal) entanglement. Despite breaking up four years ago, Lily continues to support Bernard financially—and the two maintain daily contact—all while Lily is in a serious relationship with someone else. Host Caleb Hammer peels back the layers of their finances, personal dynamics, and dependencies, providing a mix of financial advice and candid relationship commentary.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Lily & Bernard Dynamic: Broken Up, but Bound (01:00–18:00)

• Relationship Status
  • Lily and Bernard dated for ~3 years and broke up four years ago.
  • Lily has been with her current boyfriend for 3.5 years but remains financially and emotionally tied to Bernard.
• Current Living Situation
  • Lily lives with her parents; Bernard rents a shack from a friend ("tool shack in the yard").
  • They do not live together but see each other daily.
• Lily’s Support for Bernard
  • Pays his rent, gives an allowance ($80/week), buys his groceries, pays for his weed, gaming devices, storage, motorcycle, and more.
  • Makes him lunch and delivers it almost daily.
• Bernard’s Contributions
  • Unemployed since July, allegedly due to nepotism and lack of opportunities in construction/restaurant sectors. Admits personal responsibility for ongoing unemployment.

Memorable Moment
Caleb, incredulous at Lily's choices:

"Why are you with this pathetic excuse of a man? He's a child. He's a joke. He's a beta." – Caleb (07:51)

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2. Everyday Enabling & Secrecy (08:50–23:00)

• Current Boyfriend’s Knowledge
  • Lily’s boyfriend doesn’t know—the extent—of her financial support for Bernard, nor does he know about their late-night hangouts during the trip.
• Parental Involvement
  • Lily's father restricts Bernard's visits to the house ("once a week, for laundry and Xbox").
• Communication Patterns
  • Lily and Bernard communicate daily, meet up for errands, and spend hours together; Bernard is always at the top of her text and Messenger lists.

Memorable Quote

"This is the most insane thing I’ve ever heard in my life." – Caleb (11:42)

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3. Relationship History & Cheating Exposed (25:02–37:45)

• Origin Story
  • Co-habitation began early when Bernard was kicked out by his religious grandmother (for having Lily over in "short shorts").
  • Finances became intertwined quickly.
• Reasons for Breakup
  • Drift caused by Lily’s demanding schedule, a live-in friend, and lack of communication.
  • Bernard engaged in explicit messaging with someone about a master-slave fetish ("I was a slave", 29:15).
  • Both parties accuse each other of retaliation cheating ("revenge makeouts," buying feet pics out of spite, etc.).
• Ongoing Residual Guilt
  • Lily suggests some of her continued support is guilt from mutual infidelities and chaos ("a lot of guilt from all that retaliation." – Lily, 35:50).

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4. Dysfunctional Finances Dissected (53:28–76:51)

• Lily's Income & Spending
  • Gross: $70K; Net: $6,500/month.
  • Spending: $400–$1,300+ monthly on eating out; paying family $300–$400/week for expenses; extensive support for Bernard and parents, enabling multiple bankruptcies.
  • Heavy drinking habit revealed—buys two 750ml bottles of whiskey weekly; admits to being an alcoholic for 8–10 years.
  • Financial aid to parents includes allowing her mother direct access to her account.
• Debt
  • Credit card balances at high interest, recurring 401(k) loans (three over past years, most recent: $16,262).
  • Motorcycle loan for a $10K Harley—exclusively used by Bernard.
  • Student loans ~ $31K; minimum payments made.
  • Lily's retirement is effectively nothing due to loans against it.
• Bernard’s Finances
  • Two credit cards, both overdrawn/maxed out, used for food, energy drinks, OnlyFans (primarily for "feet"), and Transformers action figures.
  • All income is from Lily ("All my finances come from her." – Bernard, 36:13).
  • Possesses a storage unit full of games/collectibles, covered by Lily.
  • Failed drug test at HEB (supermarket job), extensive marijuana use (habitual smoker), and history of short-lived jobs.
• Loss of Control
  • Both demonstrate lack of budgeting, impulse spending, rationalization of poor habits.

Memorable Interaction
Caleb:

"This is a pathetic joke and I cannot wait to call this guy in the post show. You have no clue. This is going to be incredible.” (89:59)

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5. Addiction, Mental Health & Dependency (62:04–88:47)

• Addictions
  • Lily: Admits to alcoholism; frequent scratch-off purchases; heavy fast food and energy drink consumption.
  • Bernard: Chronic marijuana use; OnlyFans habit ("It's all about the feet for me. Yeah, and the booty." – Bernard, 79:40); history of cutting (self-harm as a teen).
• Mental Health
  • Lily: Increasingly overwhelmed, describes herself as enabling.
  • Bernard: Defensive, defeatist, feels burdened but expects Lily to continue providing.
• Rehab and Help
  • Caleb recommends rehab and counseling for Lily and urges a hard cut-off with Bernard. Lily is reluctant ("I'm too far deep." – Lily, 81:32).
  • Bernard objects to counseling, believing it's unaffordable, but Caleb insists free resources are available (95:33).

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6. Host's Final Assessment and Advice (94:00–End)

• Financial Audit Score

  • Bernard: 0/10 ("Your finances are zero. Your finances are loser." – Caleb, 51:23).
  • Lily: ~3.5/10, depending on changes.

• Plan for Change

  • Caleb's Prescription:
    • Lily must cut Bernard off financially within three months.
    • Move out from family; stop parental enabling and financial abuse.
    • Start budgeting via app (Dollarwise), pay down debts, seek mental health/recovery support.
    • Bernard must acquire employment and address dependency, or lose all Lily’s support.

• Skepticism

  • Caleb doubts either will follow through, citing years of empty "change is coming" cycles.

Notable Quote

"You're always going to be a loser if you only surround yourself with losers. You need to escape being around losers." – Caleb (88:47)

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Timestamped Memorable Moments & Quotes

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Description | |-----------|---------|------------------| | 07:51 | Caleb | “Why are you with this pathetic excuse of a man?...” | | 11:42 | Caleb | “This is the most insane thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” | | 29:15 | Bernard | “I was a slave.” (on fetish messages) | | 35:50 | Lily | “I think there is a lot of guilt from all that retaliation.” | | 51:23 | Caleb | “Your finances are zero. Your finances are loser.” | | 79:40 | Bernard | “It's all about the feet for me. Yeah, and the booty.” | | 88:47 | Caleb | “You're always going to be a loser if you only surround yourself with losers. You need to escape being around losers.” |

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Final Thoughts

• Dynamic: The episode is a rare look into a financial—and emotional—codependency years after a breakup, with layered secrets, chronic enabling, and addictive behaviors.
• Tone: Caleb vacillates between comedic disbelief, harsh honesty, and frank, compassionate pleas for self-respect and recovery.
• Takeaway: Without firmer boundaries, accountability, and outside help, neither Lily nor Bernard will break the cycle of mutual destruction and dependency.

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For those who haven't listened:
This is one of the most chaotic, raw, and revealing episodes in Financial Audit history—equal parts financial trainwreck, codependent drama, and raw reality check. Caleb’s attempt to chart a path forward is met with a wall of rationalization and dependency, making it a must-hear for anyone interested in what not to do with their ex—or their finances.

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[End of Episode Summary]

Transcript

[Caleb Hammer]

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[Lily]

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[Caleb Hammer]

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[Lily]

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[Bernard]

Get new habitats.

[Lily]

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[Caleb Hammer]

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[Lily]

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[Caleb Hammer]

To watch episodes of Financial Audit a week earlier, check us out on YouTube. How long have you guys been together?

[Lily]

We broke up about four years ago.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you dating someone yet?

[Lily]

Yes. Three and a half years.

[Caleb Hammer]

What does that guy think about you being here with your ex that you can't stop giving money to?

[Bernard]

I don't think he knows.

[Lily]

I did not tell him that we were coming here.

[Bernard]

You threatened to call the cops on me if I put my hands on you. Better be thankful. Better be thankful for that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, okay. So you guys slept in separate rooms?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Bernard]

Yes, we slept in separate rooms. We certainly did not sleep together.

[Lily]

I got the receipts. Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

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[Lily]

Hi, my name is Lily. I'm 29.

[Bernard]

I'm Bernard. I'm 34. And we are from southeast Texas and

[Lily]

this is financial audit.

[Caleb Hammer]

Guys, thanks for coming over to Austin. I really do appreciate it. Lily, you're right in front of me. Let's start with you. What do you do for a living?

[Lily]

Oh, I am a sales rep for a very popular chip company.

[Caleb Hammer]

Chip?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

Like, okay, so you go. Oh, that's interesting. So you go around to the grocery stores?

[Lily]

Yes, I'm in the big grocery stores. I don't. I'm not in the trucks. The. The big grocery stores like hbs, Kroger, all them.

[Caleb Hammer]

Not in the.

[Lily]

In the trucks. We do both sides.

[Caleb Hammer]

Trucks.

[Lily]

Yeah, we go to like convenience stores.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, what do you make? What's your monthly pay?

[Lily]

So I'm salaried at 70, but I do a lot of overtime salary.

[Caleb Hammer]

So after tax, how do you get salary and then over. Okay, okay, well, no, no, nevermind that. It's just a little less common, but go ahead.

[Lily]

After taxes, I make about 78,000. That's what hits good.

[Caleb Hammer]

What hits your account on a monthly basis. That's great income, especially for, I mean, you guys are like an hour outside of Houston. So the cost of living dramatically goes down.

[Lily]

Right? I'm sorry, what was the question again? What'd you say?

[Caleb Hammer]

What hits your account net on a monthly basis?

[Lily]

Oh, I think I did the math and was like 6,500.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'd hope you do the math. How the else would you budget? Okay, 6,500 you do.

[Bernard]

Bernard, I am currently unemployed.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, that 6,500 has to stretch everywhere. Why are you unemployed?

[Bernard]

I cannot seem to procure employment in my area.

[Caleb Hammer]

Cannot.

[Bernard]

I cannot seem. I try.

[Caleb Hammer]

I mean, I have a note here from Lily. I financially support a grown man who just can't get a job. Since July.

[Bernard]

She used that. That was her words.

[Caleb Hammer]

N. I threw that in.

[Bernard]

Threw that one in for spice.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, I mean, also, I financially support a man who keeps getting fired from every job he's ever had.

[Bernard]

That then that's pretty.

[Caleb Hammer]

So kind of like a child sometimes too.

[Bernard]

That. That happens.

[Caleb Hammer]

So even more of a child. Okay, so what. What is your industry that you can't procure a position in?

[Bernard]

Well, I've. I've worked predominantly in construction and the restaurant industry.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why can't you procure construction? Because that happens everywhere. Especially in states that build, like Texas.

[Bernard]

It's very nepotistic.

[Caleb Hammer]

I don't know anybody very nepotistic. Construction, known for nepotism. Pretty sure it's known for, you know, somebody like illegal immigrants.

[Bernard]

If I'm also Not. I'm also not.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, but also not really. But I mean kind of. I mean here and there. But construction's booming. I know it certainly slowed down over

[Bernard]

the old guys that are in the trades. They don't want to hire young guys because it's threatening.

[Caleb Hammer]

So why are other people getting jobs and not you specifically? And also, you're 31. You're 31. You're asking question.

[Bernard]

There's only so much to go around in a small town.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay. And you're the only. Okay, it's not. It's not that small of a town. It's just.

[Bernard]

It's a lot smaller than here.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes, Houston. Well, yes, Houston, third largest city in the US, Louisiana the second largest city in the US Houston's about to be number three. Austin, the 11th in the US Yes. I don't think we're comparing it to the top dogs. It's from a town like I am from. Well, isn't that town like a quarter million Metro?

[Lily]

Probably about 183last time I checked.

[Caleb Hammer]

Metro or city?

[Lily]

City.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, so probably about a quarter million metro. That's about the same town.

[Bernard]

It's also in disrepair. It's falling into entropy fast.

[Caleb Hammer]

Perfect.

[Bernard]

So it needs to be a construction job.

[Caleb Hammer]

Listen, but that is like from the town that I'm from and there were jobs everywhere from construction in Michigan. Doesn't even build like. So I think this is a you problem, especially if it's since July. Listen, I would say I'd get it if it was a couple months and you're starting since July. The you doing.

[Bernard]

I certainly do think that I bear a certain amount of responsibility for that.

[Caleb Hammer]

I would hope so.

[Bernard]

There's. There's also the issue that even if I found a job, it's not going to like take me out of the position that I'm in. Especially being a loser. Yeah, pretty much.

[Caleb Hammer]

I don't know you enough yet. What.

[Bernard]

What's the threshold to not be a loser? 50k a year?

[Caleb Hammer]

How about you just get a job?

[Bernard]

I'd love to.

[Caleb Hammer]

You love to. What is he doing to get a job?

[Lily]

Well, I'm putting in his applications right now, so I've had several interviews.

[Caleb Hammer]

And you rely on her, the woman who is working overtime to pay the bills for you to.

[Bernard]

To do that, to even get an

[Caleb Hammer]

interview, even at a minimum.

[Bernard]

Well, if I is wrong with you, if I do the. You know how they have the assessments? Well, maybe not just you, but when you apply for a job, they make you do these assessments on the computer.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes, I'VE applied for jobs before.

[Bernard]

If I do them, he's so bad. I always get rejected.

[Caleb Hammer]

Did you graduate high school?

[Bernard]

Yes, I did.

[Caleb Hammer]

Did you go to college?

[Bernard]

I did a close to half semester college.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay. You dropped out. That's okay. I did too.

[Bernard]

I didn't have the money for it, actually. My grandfather told me he'd pay for it when it came time to pay for it, he refused. He left me with the bag and I couldn't afford it, so.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, well, I'm having a hard time having sympathy when she's the one putting in job applications for you. Well, this is going all the way

[Bernard]

back to a long time.

[Caleb Hammer]

Long time ago. Exactly. You're 34. You ain't the young one anymore. What do you mean? They're. They're not letting the young ones get in. You're. Dude, you're like, almost towards the middle of your career. Your middle of your career comes in a few years. Like, what I. What are you talking about?

[Bernard]

I applied at every electrical place I could find in the Golden Triangle. And all of them said the golden.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why you keep. Okay, they were. They were saying. They were saying this before filming. I know. There's the Texas triangle.

[Bernard]

It's called the gold.

[Caleb Hammer]

Austin to Dallas to Houston to back. And apparently they're in South East Texas. I still don't really understand because it's literally. You take Austin, Central Texas, you go east, that's where they are. All of a sudden, that becomes south. Even though we're central, doesn't really make sense. Like South Padre. Now, that's also center. I wouldn't say that southeast. But that is south. It's not. There's no southeast if you go down from there. It's just the Gulf.

[Bernard]

I would have came up with a different.

[Caleb Hammer]

I would have called it so you.

[Bernard]

I would have called it the butthole of Texas. Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

If it was up to me, yeah, that's great. But all I know for a fact right now is your procurement at jobs is actually her just buying weed for you while you watch TV and play video games all day, essentially. Why are you with this pathetic excuse of a man? He's a child. He's a joke. He's a beta. He's a bitch. What the. Why are you. How long have you guys been together?

[Lily]

We were together for four years. Well, no, we were. We were together for almost three years, actually. Oh, no. Yeah, we broke up about four years ago.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you guys together?

[Lily]

No, we're not together.

[Caleb Hammer]

Of course you're here. What are we talking about?

[Lily]

Well, I mean, what's going on?

[Caleb Hammer]

Why.

[Bernard]

Why do I have financially entangled? We're financially entangled.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay. Wow, That's a first in the show. No, that's actually. That's actually interesting because that is a situation that many end up in, unfortunately. Okay, good. I'm go. Wait, why are you finding his weed? And while he just plays video game. Do you guys live together?

[Lily]

No, we don't live together. I live with my.

[Caleb Hammer]

What the is happening? What? What. Who do you live with?

[Bernard]

I rent a shack from my buddy. He's got like a tool shack in the yard.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh my. You're such a.

[Bernard]

And I rent.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, I'm glad you escaped this because. What the. I don't understand why you're still funding his weed in gaming.

[Lily]

Well, I mean.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, you pay his rent too. Oh my. What is happening? I'll be honest, I'm actually kind of excited because it's rare that we get a completely different kind of landscape of a conversation and financial audit honestly these days, because so many financial conversations you can have. And I was actually a little disappointed for a second. I was like, do I need to yell at Cassin? Why do I have a couple that isn't together? But no, you guys being a broken up couple but still financially entangled. This is curious. And this ha. This happens to couples every single year. I don't know as much. About four years later, I would suggest. I mean, you're a loser. And also you have no.

[Bernard]

Well, I would like to add that this hasn't been the thing for four years. She hasn't been supporting me since we broke up. This is more of a recent thing since I lost my job, bro.

[Caleb Hammer]

He's gone and he lost his job. And July, what the f are you gonna do? Are you just gonna support a child for the rest of your life?

[Lily]

No, I'm just. The end goal is to help him get on his feet.

[Caleb Hammer]

But I mean, how are you helping him by taking care of all his bills while he just smokes weed and plays video games all day? In what way does that actually get someone on their feet?

[Lily]

I must agree. I am an enabler. But I mean.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes, you're an enabler.

[Lily]

He. He's trying. He absolutely tries. I mean, he goes to interviews.

[Caleb Hammer]

I mean, after you put in applications. How much effort do you think he's putting in these interviews if he can't even put in applications? Come on, be honest. Are you dating someone yet?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

What does that guy think about you being here with your ex that you can't stop Giving money to what the.

[Bernard]

I don't think he knows the full extent of it.

[Caleb Hammer]

What? Really? How long have you been with this guy?

[Lily]

Three and a half years.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, okay. What the. Okay, so you don't think he knows the full extent? You tell me what the going on? What the is going on? Dude's getting cucked in 4k financially. What the is. How does he feel?

[Lily]

I mean, he trusts me, obviously. He's. He's very self confident and he's very sure of himself. So. I mean, he knows that I love him and I'm not gonna cheat on him. So. Yeah, he's not happy about the situation. I don't think any man would be. I don't think it's a relationship ender, but he's definitely not happy. And I would like to be out of the situation.

[Caleb Hammer]

Three and a half years. You guys are progressing to a more mature relationship, maybe even next steps, right?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

And he wants f tier curly haired man, loser to just follow you around the rest of your life. Including him. Following him around?

[Lily]

No. No. No way. I don't want this to be the rest of our life, that's for sure. I definitely want some separation and maybe that's the whole reason I'm coming on here, you know?

[Caleb Hammer]

Do you guys have feelings for each other?

[Lily]

No. I love him very much, but not in love.

[Caleb Hammer]

What the. This new guy, what extent does he know?

[Lily]

I mean, he knows pretty much everything.

[Caleb Hammer]

Really? He just said not much.

[Lily]

I mean, he knows, but he does not. The financial parts, I guess.

[Bernard]

He might know.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's the conversation. So pretty much everything except for anything. You guys stayed in Austin last night, right?

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

Guys stay together.

[Lily]

I got two different hotel rooms. Obviously I'm not like that. Come on, Caleb.

[Caleb Hammer]

Come on. I'm asking. I'm just asking. So you guys slept in separate rooms?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Bernard]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

The world moves fast. Your workday even faster.

[Bernard]

Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data.

[Caleb Hammer]

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[Bernard]

Learn [e-mail] M365 copilot We slept in separate rooms. We certainly did not sleep together.

[Lily]

Don't even. Don't even. Like this. Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm just asking. Rooms.

[Lily]

I got the receipts, man. I got the receipts, okay?

[Caleb Hammer]

Why is he giving that face?

[Bernard]

We did not sleep together.

[Caleb Hammer]

I want you to listen to me. I'M going to say this again.

[Bernard]

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm not asking that. I'm asking if you slept in the same room.

[Bernard]

We got two rooms. One for her and one for me. I slept in my room and she slept in hers.

[Lily]

We've been doing this. Well, we stayed up for a long time.

[Bernard]

Stayed up watching drama. And then she went to her room.

[Caleb Hammer]

Ah, okay. Okay. Should we call this guy at some point? This is crazy. I feel like we should. What the. Okay, okay, you're a loser. But also this is. You're weird, dude.

[Lily]

Yeah, it's a really weird dynamic.

[Bernard]

Oh.

[Caleb Hammer]

That you are doing and staying up and sleeping watching Futurama together.

[Lily]

It was Family Guy.

[Bernard]

I think you know me well enough to call me a loser, Mr. Hammer.

[Caleb Hammer]

And what would be the opposite of that?

[Bernard]

Loser. I asked you earlier, what's the threshold to not be a loser?

[Caleb Hammer]

Is it 50, unemployed, smoking weed all day. She's applying for jobs for you. She is. You fail every interview, every assessment, all the basic shit. I don't need you to be an electrician. Do you have a certification? Have you gone to trade school?

[Bernard]

I had a certification, but it expired.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, there you go. How about you renew that? What the is wrong with you? Listen, I'll get you.

[Bernard]

I couldn't find a job so I didn't have the money to put to renewing it.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, well, fund that instead of funding his weed. Ron, what is wrong with you?

[Lily]

Yeah, I definitely need to prioritize. I've been letting him kind of run wild and now it's time to get the reins on it.

[Bernard]

I disagree with the framing of that. I wouldn't call it running wild.

[Lily]

Really?

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh my. Guys, the story, it just is. Okay, I didn't. I had no idea what I was walking to. She makes him lunch every day and drops it off for him.

[Lily]

Yeah, I start working 3:30.

[Bernard]

We did that so that we wouldn't be going out to eat lunch every day.

[Caleb Hammer]

We? We, We, We. Who the is we? She has a boyfriend of three and a half years who is. We're going out to lunch every day. What are you talking about?

[Bernard]

We're. Well, before, when she wasn't dropping a lunch off, she'd get off of work and I'd be hungry and we'd go get something to eat like at McDonald's or something. And then it was me, by the way, who had this idea to actually buy actual food so that we didn't have to do that shit.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's not the point of what I'm reacting to.

[Bernard]

Come, come back to us.

[Lily]

He likes McDonald's.

[Bernard]

Come, come back to us.

[Caleb Hammer]

Bro, you not understand what the. You make him lunch every day?

[Lily]

Almost every day. If I don't wake up late, if I don't want to be late for work.

[Caleb Hammer]

So you leave. Do you live with your boyfriend?

[Lily]

No.

[Caleb Hammer]

Three and a half years. And you don't live with your boyfriend and then you leave your parents house and you drop off food to your ex?

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

So you don't live with your boyfriend.

[Lily]

Right.

[Caleb Hammer]

Of two and a half years.

[Lily]

Three and a half.

[Caleb Hammer]

Of three and a half years. But you leave your house every day to see him first thing.

[Lily]

My boyfriend's very self sufficient. I don't need to do that for you.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's not what I'm asking. That's not what I'm saying. You have a boyfriend of three and a half years and every day the first thing you do in the morning is see him.

[Lily]

Oh yeah, I know that for sure. It doesn't escape my mind.

[Bernard]

I was your first.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're the one doing it.

[Bernard]

I was here first.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you trying to win your way back?

[Lily]

Don't even.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you trying. Who broke up with who here?

[Lily]

I broke up with him.

[Bernard]

Well, no, that's not true. Initially I broke up with you.

[Lily]

Oh, okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

And how's the win back campaign gone?

[Bernard]

There is no win back campaign.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, so. And then the financial entanglement, you say that's what the current boyfriend doesn't know.

[Lily]

Correct.

[Caleb Hammer]

So you're saying he knows about the lunch every day?

[Lily]

Yeah, I think he. Yeah, he knows. I make him lunches every day.

[Caleb Hammer]

This is a load of barnacles. Okay, and did he know about the late night Family Guy Futurama extravaganza?

[Lily]

I did not tell him that we were coming here.

[Bernard]

He won't watch it.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you actually kidding me?

[Lily]

I. I didn't. I didn't want him to talk to you.

[Caleb Hammer]

You don't understand what is happening right now. This is the most insane thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Bernard]

Well, you didn't tell anybody was coming.

[Lily]

I didn't tell my family either.

[Caleb Hammer]

You don't have to tell them.

[Bernard]

I think she told.

[Caleb Hammer]

But your boyfriend, that you're going with your ex, that you drove all. Is there any. Is there. Oh, we have to call this man. No, I don't know if it's going to be in the main show and the post show, but. No, no, no, it's not an option. We're calling this man. You bought a solar panel for him too. I'm so confused. What the is this? You. What is the solar. You bought a solar panel?

[Bernard]

Not like a big one for house.

[Caleb Hammer]

What do you mean? What the are we talking about?

[Bernard]

It's like that big. It's enough to charge a little battery pack that I can charge my phone on, basically.

[Caleb Hammer]

What? Wait, if you can't charge your phone, how are you playing video games all day?

[Bernard]

Well, I have a handheld.

[Lily]

I bought him a handheld for Christmas.

[Caleb Hammer]

You bought him a handheld for this previous Christmas? Yeah, a couple months ago.

[Lily]

Well, he had it switch, but it wasn't working like he wanted.

[Caleb Hammer]

What is it? A stream deck? A Steam deck?

[Bernard]

Here's the thing.

[Lily]

No.

[Bernard]

Well, it's an Anbernic. It's an Android thing. And so on the switch, I have to buy video games, so that's more money, but on Amber, Nick, I can just play the games I already own, so I actually haven't spent any money on video games since Christmas.

[Lily]

Yeah, because I. Well, that sounds completely true. I'm pretty sure you went to Game Exchange a couple of times.

[Caleb Hammer]

Do you not feel bad about this? Not. Not even the fact that she's thinking. The fact that she has a boyfriend? That's the egregious part here in my mind.

[Lily]

Oh, he doesn't care. He gives no shits.

[Caleb Hammer]

What do you think about her boyfriend?

[Bernard]

I'd put him in a body bag. Ah,

[Caleb Hammer]

so not the biggest fan.

[Lily]

They've never met.

[Bernard]

Certainly can be.

[Caleb Hammer]

He's never met the guy that is you're spending all your time with.

[Lily]

No. No, he hasn't.

[Caleb Hammer]

Colton. This is insane.

[Bernard]

Where do you find these people? Colton?

[Lily]

Oh, geez. Not in real life. No way.

[Caleb Hammer]

What the. So he's seen this?

[Lily]

I don't think he's ever watched it. But I'm not gonna tell him there's

[Caleb Hammer]

a halfway decent chance a short or clip will pop up.

[Bernard]

As much as he likes finances, you'd think. You'd think he'd come across this show eventually.

[Lily]

Yeah, he's very good with his finance.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, fine. What has he told you about Mr. Bernard being around all the time? What has he expressed? What has he shown you? What are the conversations that have happened?

[Lily]

Well, he gets pissed every time I tell him I'm doing like. Like he's not happy about the lunches or anything like that, but he still. He doesn't really have an opinion.

[Caleb Hammer]

How about the existence of Bernard and the fact that you see him all the time and buy him all this stuff?

[Lily]

He doesn't like it, but he understands.

[Caleb Hammer]

Understands what understands how. What is his understanding? What is this? He understands. This is insane.

[Lily]

I mean, we broke up a long time ago, and there was a reason for that breakup. So, yes, I'm pretty sure he knows it ain't gonna happen again. But, I mean, his living situation right now is not very good. And I'm actually more focused on that and getting that fixed than focusing on my relationship right now, which is really bad to say, but it is the truth.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, my friends, I respect the rules. I will not break the rules. May I tell the audience what the rule is? Sure, because they will be confused. I need a shirt from you as well. Okay. Okay. Because I can't do it because they will be confused. Why I haven't asked it.

[Bernard]

Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

I cannot. And now I understand why. Ask questions about sex between them. So that is the last time that'll be mentioned, and we will not go deep, deep into that. There's also another rule about comparing their dick sizes. I didn't understand that one, and now I do. But I appreciate you allowing us to tell the audience what the rule is.

[Lily]

It's okay. Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

And now we will not go into those subjects as you have requested. Does Bernard ever go over to your house that you live in with your parents?

[Lily]

Yes. He's allowed over once a week.

[Caleb Hammer]

What. What is that? I've never heard anything like this in my life. What the even is that?

[Bernard]

I can only come once a week.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, I'm gonna come.

[Lily]

He's allowed to come over to do his laundry and take a shower, play Xbox. And play some Xbox.

[Caleb Hammer]

What the.

[Lily]

What's wrong with that?

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, shut the up. Are you serious? What the. How do you feel about all this? But I kind of.

[Bernard]

I kind of personally, how I feel about it is. I don't see why I can only come over once a week. I don't see why I can't just come over.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah. Who made that rule?

[Lily]

My father.

[Caleb Hammer]

And why?

[Lily]

Because he doesn't. Like. He thinks he's a moocher.

[Caleb Hammer]

Here's the thing. You know, it's actually kind of crazy. This is weird how this is working right now. I. I despised you at the beginning. Thought you're a loser. And. Yeah, I mean, you probably are technically a loser, but I kind of like you. I kind of like them. This is kind of winning, right? This is kind of winning, like, good for you.

[Lily]

My dime. Come on.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, but you're. You're. You're not stopping. Your dad's the one head who had to implement rules because you couldn't fair this is crazy. This is actually crazy. We will call this. We will call this boyfriend and tell him we have to. I'm sorry. This is not an option. You didn't say that was a rule before. So we're going. We're going. My gosh. Okay, so wait, where do your parents think you are right now?

[Lily]

They think I'm on my boy. My boyfriend's.

[Caleb Hammer]

Your parents think you're spending the night at your boyfriend's house right now?

[Lily]

Yes. Yes. The more they don't know, the better.

[Caleb Hammer]

I think we should call the father as well, no? Oh, yes. Oh, absolutely. Yes. This is absolutely crazy. So why. Okay, because we will look into the financial entanglement. But what was the breakup that allegedly happened, but I guess hasn't really happened? Please tell me you suck with money. So you download a budgeting app. You start with the classic one, Ynab, but everyone just deletes because it's way too complicated to use. So you go to everydollar. That's Dave Ramsey, the personal finance guy, right? Well, they're gonna force you to use it his way. That's not very personal. Finances. Rocket Money. They got a lot of commercials, but they're owned by Rocket Mortgage. Guess what they want to sell you in the end. Then there's the new guy on the block, Monarch. Hundreds of millions of dollars of private equity raising so far. But private equity doesn't have the best track record when it comes to private data. That's why I like Dollarwise bills. Play these people just like you for people just like you. No private equity, no gimmicks. Just the best budgeting app there is. Download it now, start the free trial. Dollarwise.com link in the description below. That's kind of stupid, I'll be honest. But what's not is actually getting a checking account that gives you free money. Free money. We like free money. You can get up to $350 in bonus cash right now when you sign up for the checking account that I use, Chime. Also, it makes your savings grow at a 3.5 APY interest rate. Guys, you can watch Financial Audit and get free money at the same time. Who would have thought? That's incredible. Check it out. Link in the description below. Sign up for chime. Get that 350 right now in your checking account. Well, we guys break up or explain

[Bernard]

the extent we started living together when we. We started living together early. When we started dating. We only dated for like a month, I think.

[Lily]

Yeah, and he got kicked out.

[Bernard]

I got kicked out of my Grandmother's

[Lily]

house and he moved in with me and my parents.

[Bernard]

I moved in with her and her par.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why'd you get kicked out of your grandmother's?

[Bernard]

Well, so Lily came over one night and my grandmother's asleep. I have people over sometimes. And so Lily comes over one night. We didn't do anything. Anything. We're just on the bed cuddling fully clothed and my grandmother, I see her poking her head in my room and then she turns away. And then the next day she comes at me and she says, I think you would be more happy if you lived on your own. Which was not possible for me at the time. I did have a job at the time.

[Lily]

He didn't mention that I also wore short shorts. And his grandmother is deeply religious. So I mean I don't think she really liked that.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's weird for her.

[Bernard]

But it is hers as a nun. But so I moved out and went to Lily and her parents house and the plan was, is I was going to get an apartment but we spent a lot of time together and things were going really well. So we just kind of. We just kind of got comfortable in staying together like that.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

And all the money started getting intertangled.

[Bernard]

Well, I had a job at the time and I was in school at

[Lily]

the time and I was doing really well and had an internship. So like my, my time was spread really thin. So when we started I was like in the relationship but I was like half out of it as well. Like he was living in my house.

[Caleb Hammer]

It's okay to be independent and busy. That's not an inherently horrible thing. No, but I don't just depends on the.

[Bernard]

Her friend moved in to this whole situation and it created a situation where like every night she would come home and she would spend time with her friend drinking. And I don't really like the friend. I just, you know, would stay inside. And so this rift started to form and after a while of that I kind of started talking to somebody on messenger and he was trying to break

[Lily]

up with me and because of this person and I didn't want to break up.

[Bernard]

Well, it wasn't necessarily because of the

[Lily]

person, but I mean we're. I mean to be able to say the relationship.

[Caleb Hammer]

A lot of cheating in this world

[Lily]

to be able to say the relationship. I. I got us an apartment, got us out of my parents house and

[Caleb Hammer]

that's what will save that.

[Lily]

I mean obviously all the problems were coming with all the people around us. Like I was getting spread then like people. I mean my parents wanted my attention

[Caleb Hammer]

you were boozing with your friend every night.

[Lily]

That's also true. Yes, but he also didn't want to participate in.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, maybe he didn't want to booze with your friend. I wouldn't want to booze with your friend.

[Lily]

He didn't want to hang out with my parents either. My parents were paying for most of that at that time anyways.

[Caleb Hammer]

Got to put in a little bit of the parental love.

[Lily]

And he didn't put in a lot at the time.

[Bernard]

I thought I did. I don't remember my relationship with her dad really going souring until, like, right after we moved out. And then.

[Caleb Hammer]

But why is all of a sudden. If we're living with someone, we're dating her. Why is that? We messaged someone because this was forming.

[Bernard]

I felt, like, abandoned, essentially.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, but you hadn't broken up yet or gotten permission though. Open relationships. So that is cheating. And I know here I have a type.

[Bernard]

I didn't know how to communicate things like that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, that's not communication, though, because I have a message. I have a message that said your messages to this person was about a fetish dynamic you wanted to explore. That's not. There's a rift. That's not. I'm feeling abandoned. That's you messaging someone about a kink you wanted to explore. What was that? A master slave dynamic.

[Bernard]

Me and this other person both shared that fetish, and that was something that.

[Caleb Hammer]

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[Bernard]

I was a slave. Ah.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah.

[Bernard]

And it was a dynamic that I didn't feel comfortable trying to share because I didn't know with Lily, because I felt like she wouldn't understand the dynamic and that it would have too many implications in the real world and not be able to just be compartmentalized.

[Caleb Hammer]

Keep the kink inside. Inside the house.

[Lily]

Well, I even tried to get, like, get into the kink with him, and he just didn't want it. He wanted that separate. He wanted the girlfriend and then he wanted this sex stuff, which could be

[Caleb Hammer]

fun if you guys are aligned on that.

[Lily]

But we were.

[Bernard]

I didn't know how to.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes, you're vetoingly against cheating, aren't you?

[Lily]

I don't like it. I trust them until they give me a reason not to trust them.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, I know. You're so against cheating. And then. Okay, so you found out somehow, right?

[Lily]

Yeah, I looked through his phone one night. Don't ever do it, guys. It's not worth it. I looked through it, I saw it. It was under a different name. And I was like, you mother. I just threw the phone. He was asleep and I slapped him across the head. And it was not. It was not my brightest moment.

[Caleb Hammer]

Wait, but then he broke up with you?

[Bernard]

Well, I had broken up first before we moved in the apartment.

[Lily]

And then I would try to.

[Bernard]

We moved into the apartment together and she looked at my phone. This is. She actually looked through my phone a couple times.

[Caleb Hammer]

I agree. Never go through someone's phone. Let me see your phone.

[Lily]

Really?

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes. You've seen the show? Absolutely. Of course. Also, someone smells like booze here. Who is drinking?

[Lily]

Me, maybe to calm down a little bit.

[Caleb Hammer]

It is currently 27 minutes into the episode and it's 11:53am at the time of filming this.

[Lily]

I'm off today.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes, it is.

[Lily]

I'm not driving. I drove here. He's driving.

[Caleb Hammer]

What time did you drink?

[Lily]

10.

[Caleb Hammer]

He texted, I'm awake this morning. She said, okay, I'm bringing you a waffle to his place.

[Bernard]

And then I asked for milk. What do you mean by that?

[Caleb Hammer]

And then she said, come down to my room for a second.

[Lily]

I was doing my makeup and hair in the room.

[Caleb Hammer]

Uh huh. So why'd you need him to come?

[Lily]

Because he was getting all this stuff out of the other room and I had all my stuff in my room and he was getting stuff down to the car.

[Bernard]

I was trying to be on time.

[Lily]

Yeah. And we got here punctual. Just the wrong building.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, Tuesday, she says, so I'm finishing up work, but I slept like total shit last night and I'm exhausted and still sick. I really want to go home and take a nap. Did you want me to bring you food? I mean, I guess that's not crazy because we already know that you guys are. But I mean, that is crazy.

[Lily]

Normally it's just so normal to us. I don't really think of that as crazy.

[Caleb Hammer]

It is not normal.

[Lily]

Our whole dynamic's not normal.

[Caleb Hammer]

Mom asked me to swing by Walmart for a few groceries. You Want to shop with me or just have me meet you after?

[Lily]

I mean, he doesn't do anything all day. Let him come out. Come on. He can come to the Walmart.

[Bernard]

I did go shopping with her that day. Her mom was.

[Caleb Hammer]

You hit her up all the time and then you never really finish.

[Bernard]

You always like, I went shopping.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, no, you hit her up all the time like, what you doing? She's like, I don't know. I'm doing okay. It's like, what you doing?

[Lily]

Well, what you doing? The conversation when I go and talk to him.

[Caleb Hammer]

Huh?

[Bernard]

You're only supposed to text for meetup. Don't just sit there all day texting.

[Caleb Hammer]

Who's Ponyboy?

[Lily]

Pony Boy is his friend.

[Bernard]

Pony Boy is my ex drummer.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, you're talking to him too?

[Lily]

Yeah, I mean, they had a huge fight and I'm kind of the go between with that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, I guess you had a big fight with him at some point.

[Bernard]

This was years ago, man.

[Caleb Hammer]

He was trying to take accountability. Now what's Vidor?

[Bernard]

That's one of the those cities in the golden triangle of southeast Texas. Of southeast Texas.

[Caleb Hammer]

Definitely east. That is for sure. Headed back now. Want to meet me at my house in 12 minutes?

[Bernard]

Okay, when you take it out of context, it might. It sounds crazy.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you kidding me?

[Lily]

He lives about seven minutes away from my house.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, I'm not gonna go into the rule that you told me about. I come scoop you up. Yes, I'm here. Dude, this is a lot of engagement for meeting all the time. All the time.

[Lily]

Yeah, I see him every day. We hang out every day.

[Caleb Hammer]

Do you guys communicate on any other platform?

[Lily]

No. Maybe I'll send them some memes on Facebook.

[Bernard]

Yeah.

[Lily]

Messenger?

[Caleb Hammer]

No. Snapchat?

[Lily]

No.

[Caleb Hammer]

Instagram?

[Lily]

No, I don't do.

[Bernard]

I don't have Snapchat.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm an adult, so sometimes on messenger.

[Lily]

Yeah, you can look at messenger. It's not a problem. He's trying, man. He's really trying to find.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, I'm not even. Dude, I already have. You guys are. You're meeting up all the time.

[Bernard]

He's an. He's an auditor and that's what he does.

[Lily]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

I mean, I'll be honest. In the end, are you. First of all, he's at the top of your text list and messenger list. He's just at the top. Where's the other.

[Lily]

I mean, he's there.

[Bernard]

He texts all the time.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you hoping he sees this and breaks up with her?

[Bernard]

No, no, I'm hoping he doesn't see that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why Nobody sees it at this point. Why?

[Lily]

Because he's embarrassed.

[Bernard]

Oh man.

[Caleb Hammer]

So I know right before she broke up with you, you went out and just made up with a bartender.

[Bernard]

Yeah, I played a show with Ponyboy and there was a bartender and we all went to ihop. Like everybody. All the band people.

[Caleb Hammer]

And your revenge for her breaking up with you was you buying feet pics from her old roommate?

[Bernard]

Oh yeah, well, that comes later. But that was a thing.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, but I'm being told you weaponize these feet pics.

[Bernard]

Yeah, well, it was a means of revenge on both of them. It was revenge on Lily for having a boyfriend and it was revenge on the friend for being a dick. Uh huh.

[Caleb Hammer]

And I guess your revenge immediately was going and a boy and a woman

[Lily]

while I was paying for the apartment. He sure as hell wasn't me. So, I mean, it's not my fault that he couldn't finish with the girls.

[Caleb Hammer]

With the girls?

[Lily]

Well, with the girls he cheated on me with, it's not my fault he couldn't score.

[Caleb Hammer]

Huh. What does that mean? You mean he couldn't get with them?

[Bernard]

She's saying that.

[Caleb Hammer]

So the people he messaged, she's saying

[Bernard]

that she one ups me because she could get laid. And I mean if you're gonna, if

[Lily]

you're gonna make out with a girl, downhill from there.

[Caleb Hammer]

Guys, this is weird. So how intertwined are the finances?

[Lily]

Still very intertwined.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why? Why after three and a half years? Why four years?

[Lily]

I think there is a lot of guilt from all that retaliation.

[Caleb Hammer]

What's the guilt? What do you mean? Oh, from that retaliation? Yeah, that's the guilt. That's what you feel guilty about right now? Hiding this from your boyfriend and parents and all that shit and whatever the family guy means.

[Lily]

I like family.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's the guilt. That's what the guilt is. Guilt from four years ago. So what's the intertwined? Tell me.

[Bernard]

Well, essentially she has her finances and I have no finances. All my finances come from her.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, completely. And the current boyfriend doesn't know that part?

[Lily]

I mean, considering his situation, I'm sure he can assume, as we thought about it.

[Caleb Hammer]

Is he a cock? Is he a little pussy?

[Lily]

No, he's very alpha male.

[Caleb Hammer]

What? No.

[Bernard]

Yeah, he's so alpha male goes around talking about how alpha male he is.

[Lily]

No, I don't.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, well if who goes around saying that he does or she does?

[Lily]

He was a slave, not him.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah, yeah, but at least he's like. He understands himself. He embraces it. Someone going around, I'm an alpha male. Sounds like the biggest I know. And also, no offense, him getting cucked for three and a half years sounds like the biggest I know.

[Lily]

I mean. I mean, he could have moved me in a lot sooner and we wouldn't be in this mess.

[Caleb Hammer]

At least he likes being slaved instead of. I mean, he looks like he likes a good whipping instead of you. A dude in front of him.

[Lily]

I mean, it was behind closed doors, but I mean. Yeah, still.

[Caleb Hammer]

So, I don't know.

[Bernard]

I'd like to say for the record that when she slept with that boy, I busted in the room and I told the dude, you're not sleeping here, you creep.

[Lily]

And full disclosure, I paid you 100 bucks to get out of the.

[Bernard]

That was the first time. That was the first time. Not the second time?

[Lily]

First time. That was the only time.

[Bernard]

There were two times. Yeah, it was.

[Lily]

No, I don't believe that. But you're the one who. You're the one who did.

[Bernard]

Y' all were watching Justice League, black and White, and I'm like, why is the aspect ratio all weird? Because I was with the guy. Because I didn't like him.

[Lily]

Well, he was a loser anyways.

[Bernard]

And you threatened to call the cops on me if I put my hands on him.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Bernard]

So he better be thankful. Better be thankful for that.

[Caleb Hammer]

At the first time, you had to call the cops.

[Bernard]

She did not have to call the cops. She didn't have to call the cops anytime. So she did, huh?

[Caleb Hammer]

What was the first time?

[Lily]

He gets angry.

[Caleb Hammer]

In what way? What has happened?

[Lily]

Well, I have left before, and I was kind of vindictive, and I did turn off the Internet and stuff, so I might have. I mean, he didn't take that too kindly. And I tried to leave with the weed and stuff, too, and he didn't take too kindly to that, so I couldn't really get out the door.

[Caleb Hammer]

He wouldn't let you leave.

[Bernard]

That's not true. That is not true. She was the one standing. I was not standing.

[Lily]

I was standing at the door.

[Bernard]

She was at the door. I was not in between her and the door. She had the weed and bag. I tried to grab the bag. I was not trying to grab at her. I was not trying to touch her.

[Lily]

And I fell.

[Bernard]

But we. We tumbled together. We fell together. Actually, both fell down. And before any of this happened, she slapped me in the face.

[Lily]

I slapped you in the face because you pulled me.

[Bernard]

And when the cops came out and I told them, no, no, you slapped me first. Then I reached for the weed. And when the cops came out they asked me if I want to press charges and I said no.

[Lily]

They asked me if you.

[Bernard]

Because you ain't about that life. You have no idea what it's like to deal with the legal system. I've had to deal with that shit. You do not want that.

[Lily]

That's fair.

[Caleb Hammer]

What have you dealt with?

[Bernard]

I had. I've had probation two or three times.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, for what?

[Bernard]

So the first time I had probation, I was underage and I hit a guy on the bus for so good.

[Lily]

So good. So good.

[Caleb Hammer]

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[Lily]

How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

[Bernard]

Cause there's always something new.

[Caleb Hammer]

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[Bernard]

Shop new arrivals first and more.

[Caleb Hammer]

Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you wreck.

[Bernard]

I didn't know that shooting a spitball at me.

[Caleb Hammer]

Reasonable.

[Bernard]

When I was 19, I picked up a possession of marijuana charge and a minor in possession of alcohol charge. And I did probation for that. And I want to say, well, no, it wasn't probation, but I spent night in. I spent a night in jail one time for trespassing tickets.

[Caleb Hammer]

And are these on your record when people do backdrop?

[Bernard]

They're all expunged.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay. And there was another one.

[Bernard]

That should be it. Okay, so two probations and 32 hours in jail.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's it. We're not surprised you're not getting a job. I mean, your lifestyle and your personality is a bit rough. Not employable so long as you've had a job.

[Bernard]

Well, every job I have, I excel at. In the work itself. It's the HR and the corporate talk and the news speak that I can't do.

[Caleb Hammer]

The news.

[Bernard]

The news speak? Yeah, from like 1984. That's how people talk nowadays, man.

[Caleb Hammer]

Is he talking about newspeak?

[Lily]

HR talk.

[Caleb Hammer]

Does he excel?

[Bernard]

Karen talk.

[Lily]

I mean, he's really good at his job when he gets it. But like the last job that I kind of helped you get into, you kind of that one up.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, you gave it. Oh, my. Well, as long as you've had a job.

[Bernard]

Well, it was in like the end of December, beginning of January. I got hired on at a major, major supermarket, Heb. And I didn't even make it. I had the computer day where you watch all the videos. And I had one day of training on the floor.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's the longest job you've had. No, no, I'm sorry. What's the longest job you've had?

[Bernard]

Was a year.

[Caleb Hammer]

It's like, by 34.

[Bernard]

I've had two jobs I've held for a year, and those are the longest I've ever held a job.

[Caleb Hammer]

What were they?

[Bernard]

Walmart. I held for a year. And the other one?

[Lily]

The gas station job.

[Bernard]

Oh, I held the gas station job for two years, but it was off and on because I went.

[Lily]

That's where we met.

[Bernard]

I went like a year and then quit.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's where you met?

[Lily]

Yeah. We both worked for the same gas station company, but different stores. We weren't intertwined. He worked by the one I lived close to, and I came in one night to get a 4 loco. And, yeah, I was gonna ask him out. Well, he was gonna ask me out, apparently. But I asked him out first and I got the number. So.

[Caleb Hammer]

Now, why'd you quit HEB after a couple days.

[Bernard]

Oh, well, let me finish. Yeah. So we did the. I did the training day, and I'm supposed to be hired for overnight, and they're telling me I'm supposed to have a schedule. By the end of my training day, I don't have it, and I go home. And the next day my manager calls me. He's like, can you come in today? And I couldn't. I literally didn't have clean clothes. And I'm like, no. He's like, well, when can you come in? And I'm like, I can come in overnight. And he's like, can you come in tomorrow at 9am and I thought that was a little weird, but I wasn't thinking too hard about it, so I said yes. So I go in the next day, and he's like, we have reasonable suspicion and we're going to drug test you. I straight up told him, like, dog, you ain't got to drug test me. I'll just tell you right now, I'm gonna pop for marijuana. And he's like, well, I'll tell HR that you're refusing to take a drug test. I'm like, that's not what I'm saying. But I asked him what the reasonable suspicion was. He said, there's an aroma coming from my bag.

[Caleb Hammer]

And I think, like, her and booze.

[Lily]

Very reasonable.

[Bernard]

Well, I didn't remember. And I think that's just because it's so habitual. I'm pretty sure that I took like a butt or two because I didn't have any at home. She works at the same HEB through her job, so I stopped by the car and I grabbed some weed and I put it in my bag. Then I go inside and I don't think about it because I'm such a habitual smoker. So when I say I bear a certain amount of responsibility, that's what I mean. I do bear a certain amount of responsibility for my situation.

[Caleb Hammer]

I would say so. So what's this corporate dog? Give me an impression.

[Bernard]

Hi. How you doing today? Yeah, so we're looking for somebody with a flexible schedule who wants to be part of a team.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay.

[Bernard]

Do you fit that description, sir?

[Caleb Hammer]

I mean, yes, that would annoy me a little. But don't you think that is actually relatively fair for what they just be

[Bernard]

real with me, man. This is life or death for me to take me the job or don't.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, it sounds like don't. You don't fit the culture they want because people at hbi, honestly, I've only had good experiences with people working at heb and I feel like you wouldn't be that so fair.

[Bernard]

That's fair. I've got. I got the personality of a professional wrestler.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, so before we go into these finances, I have one other note that is honestly just blowing my mind because it's. It's leading to a different conclusion than I think you intended it to when you said it. But it was like, oh, every time I think of getting back together, it's an instant no, not worth it. I understand. It should be an instant no, but the thing is, you're considering getting back together while you've been with the guy for the three and a half years. Do you not hear that part when you say that? What is this thought of getting back together? You're with another man.

[Lily]

No, no, I never thought about like that before.

[Caleb Hammer]

Like, how can you say every time I think of getting back together, it's an instant no. You've been with someone for three and a half years.

[Lily]

I. I know our situation. So does all the people in my life.

[Caleb Hammer]

When people ask no, objectively, no. When objectively, no.

[Lily]

You just know situation in my life.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, no, first of all, Bernard. And second of all, no. You said your boyfriend doesn't. You said he knows like 50%.

[Lily]

Honestly, he doesn't know.

[Caleb Hammer]

Doesn't know you're here. He doesn't understand the extent of the financial integument. He doesn't understand the details of everything. He knows broad scope, high level.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's what he knows.

[Lily]

Right.

[Caleb Hammer]

So no, people don't know the situation. What the are you talking about?

[Lily]

Well, when they asked me about it and like why I keep him around. It's because I want to help him and I do want to see him do better. I want him to get better. Like I want him to be able to live and actually live. Come on. Can't live. Come on.

[Caleb Hammer]

Bro's just winning. He doesn't have to do anything all day, Gets the around. Do drugs, play video games and he gets his dick sucked. It's an assumption, not asking.

[Bernard]

It's not that great to do nothing all day, trust me.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, it's not. It's not depressing. No, it absolutely is. And honestly, you should man the up and I'll get you a course career certification and something of choice. Maybe construction, maybe a tech trade or maybe, or sorry, maybe a trade. You take what you want with it, you go through the certification, get a full job. That means you actually have to apply. A lot of people in the audience have used course careers to improve their income dramatically. So you should too. No. I mean, yes, you are. You are an absolute joke. You really are as far as a 34 year old. But the fact that you're enabling and also there's some weird shit going on and I'm not going to go down that rabbit hole, but it's like, what the. I feel bad for your boyfriend and I feel bad for you and also you're enabling him and also it's a mess. I mean, you give him an allowance, plus take care of all his bills. What's that? Allowance. You're giving him an allowance?

[Lily]

Yeah, why?

[Caleb Hammer]

How much? For what?

[Lily]

Well, it's like, it's just $80 a week. It's if you want some extra food, soda.

[Caleb Hammer]

You are giving an X from 4 years ago an allowance. These are my numbers boys.

[Bernard]

All right?

[Caleb Hammer]

This is the number of Hammer Media llc. They're seeing it for the very first time. What you have done with the memberships, I think is, is remarkable. I see how much you're posting and it is mind boggling to me how much you get out there. Yeah. And honestly, since that membership number, because this is January's official numbers, we've added hours on top of that. I'm amazed at how much your shorts make you. Can I say that? Oh, sure. Your shorts generate you month. This was crazy. What happened? You see, what was that? I mean, we lost.

[Lily]

It's the same.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm. We're talking about like the same. Let him digest. Okay. I'm not happy right now. I'm actually texting him. Who are you texting? Robert coo. Is Robert doing A good job. If this is. If this is happening, we'll see what he says. Is there a price where Ramsey Solutions says, caleb, we want this after tax is 100. $100 million. I'd consider. If budgeting apps make you feel like this is for you. Most people who struggle with budgeting aren't irresponsible. They care about their money, but they get overwhelmed every time they look at it. They download an app, connect their accounts and try tracking. But within a few days, it feels like a homework assignment. They're failing. Too many categories, too many rules, too many red alerts screaming at them about. About what they did wrong. So of course they stopped opening it. Not because they don't care, but because it makes them feel worse. And here's what nobody talks about. The stress isn't coming from your spending. It's coming from having zero clarity in using tools that turn money into a failing grade. Have you ever thought, I just want to know where my money's going without being judged for it? You're not alone. That's exactly what we built dollar wise. If you want a calm and clearer way to see where your money is going, try Dollarwise. Download the app today and get a three day free trial. No setup nightmare. No manual tracking, no pressure to be perfect. Just connect your accounts, see where your money's actually going and decide if it works for you. Click below to download dollar wise and see if this helps you feel more in control without the stress. And if it's not a fit, cancel anytime. Well, you have a boyfriend. Well, you don't just hear that.

[Lily]

He's literally the equivalent of a child to me though.

[Caleb Hammer]

Good. Let him learn and grow up to become an adult.

[Lily]

So I'm trying to do.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're not trying to do that by giving him an allowance live too? No, he will figure it out. The dude's not going to die.

[Lily]

Yes, he is.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, no. And if he does, natural selection. But he also. He's just not going to die.

[Lily]

I mean, you don't know his living situation.

[Caleb Hammer]

He would figure it out. He would go to a shelter. He would do something.

[Lily]

I don't think he would do it himself.

[Caleb Hammer]

He's not going to do anything because you just endlessly support him and buy him things. I'm being told he guilts you into buying more things Constantly.

[Bernard]

Guild.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, she said you do.

[Lily]

I kind of use as in seven for him to do something.

[Caleb Hammer]

Just do what you do.

[Bernard]

This and all me to come here.

[Lily]

Yeah, I did.

[Caleb Hammer]

What did you do to get him to come Here.

[Lily]

Well, we might have went by the LEGO store on the way over here, and I might have bought him a LEGO set. He didn't even like it, though. It's not fair. Now we gotta go back before we leave. Like, I got a LEGO set, too, but that's besides the point. Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, my goodness. It's under your seat. Let me see it.

[Bernard]

This is the one she got.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, my goodness. This is reality. Every time someone thinks the show's not

[Bernard]

real, that's the power of baby.

[Caleb Hammer]

I mean, it's cool. I like it. I'm a fan. I want one.

[Lily]

I melt it last night. You really like it?

[Caleb Hammer]

You did?

[Bernard]

I did something for her and thought it was you. Well, she got something else for me.

[Caleb Hammer]

What'd you get?

[Bernard]

I got the new Millennium Falcon, but we're gonna take it back because it's part of the LEGO's smart brick system. And I'm not trying to buy in on there. It didn't count with the smart brick system.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, that's a little deeper down the lore than I even know. I guess I'm not in that deep. All right, this is gonna be out in. Your finances are zero. Your finances are loser.

[Bernard]

Your finances are worth $10,000 in a year. My entire life.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's not possible. If you've held down a job for a year, that's not possible. Unless you mean holding down a job is like five hours a week for a year.

[Bernard]

I had. I guess I've never done the math on this. I had the Walmart job from February to February. So I had it for a year. I was making at the time, what was it, $9 an hour. And I was working full time, so I've never done the math on that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, well, that's more than 10,000 a year. Regardless, I'm gonna be auditing your finances, and we need to get you the separate and you need to grow the up. Your financial score is 0 out of 10. I'm just gonna say it now. I wanna know what you think yours is. 0 being the absolute worst, 10 being the absolute best.

[Lily]

Well, I took it back in July when I started. I mean, when I first did the application, I did another one again and I got oh. And I'm hoping at 3.5 now we never know.

[Caleb Hammer]

We'll see. Listen, if you want that score the same way she did, all you have to do is go to caleb hammer.com, take the assessment. It is free. Just takes a few minutes. See where you stand in the world of money, where you're doing Great. Where you're doing poorly, where you need to improve. And if you don't want to end up like him or her, sign up for the new and improved dollar wise budgeting app. It is incredible. It has changed the ecosystem of budgeting apps out there. Take the free trial to see if you even like it. And if you do, most people sign up for the annual version because it saves 50%. And you. Honestly, I don't think this is. This is. Is this after March? Is this being uploaded after March? Oh, this is gone, sorry. Actually, you lost it. That doesn't exist anymore. But you will. Annual members get our budget meal plan. It's a detailed meal plan for every day of the month, signed by me, mailed directly to you. It's also sick, but the cookbook's gone forever now. Sorry you missed your opportunity. Go to Dollarwise.com Calebhammer.com get set up with all that good stuff and change your life like tens of thousands of other people have. But let's get into this and if it is still March, just in case. Yeah, then it's still available, but who knows? Oh, my gosh. You paid for a parking ticket for 500 for him as well. What the we're doing. Is there anything. What was that?

[Bernard]

Beep boop.

[Caleb Hammer]

Did you not listen? Do you not mute your phone like we told you to do?

[Bernard]

I'm sorry, that was. I'll do that now.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm so excited to call your boyfriend. You have no clue. You have no clue. All right, let's talk about discover it. I'm gonna assume every account is yours, right?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

Do you even have an account anywhere of anything?

[Bernard]

I actually have two accounts at federal credit unions.

[Lily]

What?

[Bernard]

That.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are. You don't even know this yet? You give him money?

[Lily]

Wait, wait, what? You don't have credit?

[Bernard]

That's my checking. Those are my checking accounts. It's my natures and my stellar.

[Lily]

Stellar? What's stellar?

[Bernard]

This is the bank up the street. Well, it's not even a bank. It's a credit union. Do you have a federal credit union? Where I just put. I have checking account where I put money in.

[Lily]

What money? You don't have money.

[Bernard]

The money you give me for an allowance.

[Lily]

Oh, okay.

[Bernard]

Or actually, there's nothing in the stellar at all.

[Lily]

So why do you have it then?

[Bernard]

It's a bank account. It's a checking account. So in case I get a check, I can check it, I can cash it.

[Lily]

Well, isn't that supposed to be what the Nages does?

[Bernard]

Well, yeah, but I picked. They don't have NAGEST in Houston. So when I worked in Houston, I got the stellar.

[Lily]

Okay, continue. Go ahead.

[Caleb Hammer]

We'll look at those if we can so discover it. You're holding an immense balance. Yet you're giving a man child money and buying him an $800 Lego set on the way here. Yet you're holding an extreme balance that is accruing interest $2594.44 with interest accruing of $34.99 a month and a minimum payment of $55. You put way more on than you put towards it. Close to you have it. What are you doing? This takes 10 years to pay off and he'll still be a child that you're supporting. What the is wrong with you? Why are you spending so much damn money on this credit card when you are not paying it off to save youring life?

[Lily]

Well, I mean, my money only goes so far every week. I get paid every week and it's

[Caleb Hammer]

all going to him. You. No, when I.

[Lily]

When I get.

[Caleb Hammer]

I only have so much money every week. How much was spent going out to eat? I only have so much money every single week. How much was spent going out to eat in the previous month?

[Bernard]

At least $12 a day maybe. That's a good estimate.

[Lily]

I would say probably like 4 or 500.

[Caleb Hammer]

What would you say she spends on a monthly basis going out to eat? She only has so much money.

[Bernard]

Well, what's 12 by 30? Like 300 something? 360. So probably 400 just for lunch.

[Caleb Hammer]

At least $1,332.43 in the previous month going out to eat. But I only have so much money

[Lily]

on a weekly meal.

[Caleb Hammer]

You. What are you talking about? That's an insane amount of money. That's a fourth. No, no, it's like a fifth of your income. What are you doing? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Well, no wonder you live at home. You blow it all going out to eat. You're a loser too, living at home. 28, 29. Wrong with you. Actually, I'm okay with living at home, but listen, you do. Well, you don't need to. No, you're literally having to get permission to have your ex come over.

[Bernard]

Her parents couldn't afford the place. They haven't there.

[Caleb Hammer]

Also, you're getting milked from that direction too.

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, good.

[Lily]

Yeah. And they just.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you putting money towards the rent or something?

[Lily]

Oh, yeah. I give them 400amonth and they just went through their second bankruptcy, so they don't have money right now or any credit card. So if they need something.

[Bernard]

I can't see any of her money. Her mother has her hands on it.

[Lily]

She's on my account. She does. She takes out what she needs to. To pay bills. I don't physically pay my own bills. Okay. She takes them out. She budges it out for me.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, they bought JLP once with your money?

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah. That shit's expensive.

[Lily]

Yeah. The year's worth.

[Caleb Hammer]

They bought the year's worth?

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

Wow.

[Lily]

I think together it was like 44, bro.

[Caleb Hammer]

You gotta get out. You just gotta go be independent, move somewhere. Just get away from these people. You can love your parents and still move.

[Bernard]

I've had for years.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're that guy. You're the equal thing. You're the same thing. What do you. What are you telling her that. What do you mean? You are that. What? She's paying your rent, your utilities, your everything. Why can't you move in with your boyfriend? You've been together for three and a half years. Allegedly.

[Lily]

Yes, we have definitely been together for three and a half years. I. The first. My first trip. I've only had three relationships. My first two, they moved in really fast and I felt really trapped.

[Caleb Hammer]

So it's three and a half years. It's different than one month for you guys.

[Lily]

Well, we also work together, so.

[Caleb Hammer]

You and your boyfriend?

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why would you do that?

[Lily]

We don't work together together. We work for the same company. But that's not entirely true. He. We. We were the same. We were the same position when we started, but he got.

[Caleb Hammer]

Now he's your boss?

[Lily]

Yes. He can't work over me, so I.

[Caleb Hammer]

It's not inherently bad as long as you guys follow all the HR rules, everything's disclosed, everything. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, TikTok's gonna be my power dynamic, but there's clear things that companies do to make sure there is actually is an apartment balance. So.

[Lily]

Yeah, we're not the only ones that.

[Caleb Hammer]

But that is weird in general. I can see. And you won't move in together.

[Lily]

His longest relationship was like seven years and it was long distance, so he's never really lived with a woman either. He's lived with his parents.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why are you wasting your time with this boy if you're not even willing to move in with him?

[Lily]

Oh, I'm willing. I just.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why aren't you? Your parents are milking you and your ex is milking you. Do you not understand that? That's crazy.

[Lily]

I've got told so many times.

[Caleb Hammer]

Kids?

[Lily]

No, no. I do want kids, though.

[Caleb Hammer]

You already have them.

[Lily]

Yeah, I know.

[Caleb Hammer]

So when you guys live together, is he gonna be able to come over?

[Lily]

No, no. I'm trying to get him all settled in his own life. Get a girlfriend, you know. Oh.

[Caleb Hammer]

So first, shut the up. He clearly wants to be with you.

[Lily]

No, it's not happening. I'm sorry.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, but you would choose her if given the choice.

[Bernard]

Not anymore.

[Caleb Hammer]

Stop the cap. What?

[Bernard]

Nah, not. Not anymore.

[Lily]

I think he got hurt when I told him no. Even if I broke up with my boyfriend, I wouldn't go. I wouldn't be.

[Bernard]

She's never told me that. That's a lie.

[Lily]

I've told him that.

[Bernard]

No, you haven't. That's never been what you said.

[Caleb Hammer]

What has she said?

[Bernard]

We had a conversation, actually, kind of recently about this. And her boyfriend was never a factor in any of the things that she told me. Essentially what she told me is that she would not be able to trust me if we were to come back together. And of course, you know, I posit that that was years ago and I'm a different person, but he's grown. I still can understand that sentiment, but to me, it's like, at this point, how can I get back with her? Even if she breaks up with her boyfriend, knowing that she was with him for so long, knowing what I know about him, he.

[Caleb Hammer]

So you would have wanted to get back with her if she didn't say that?

[Bernard]

I mean, at some point. At some point, absolutely. I would have gotten back with her. But, like, man, I do not like anything I know about her boyfriend.

[Lily]

He doesn't know anything about my boyfriend.

[Bernard]

I know what he said about Charlie Kirk's assassination.

[Lily]

What did he say? I didn't hear.

[Bernard]

He said. I don't give a. He was a piece of.

[Lily]

He did not say that.

[Caleb Hammer]

You told me.

[Bernard]

He said that's what you told me.

[Lily]

Well, he also got mad at a whole wrestling wrestling corporation for doing a skit about the assassination of Charlie Kirk. And they.

[Bernard]

Oh, that was a different thing. That was a different thing.

[Caleb Hammer]

What was it?

[Bernard]

And I did not blow up out of proportion. It was. They recreated the Rampage Jackson situation where Rampage Jackson attempted to murder a professional wrestler or an amateur wrestler and in real life. And then they recreated it for their storyline. It was a local promotion and I tried to get their spot from the Comic Con pool. Yes, I did. Because that was.

[Caleb Hammer]

You have too much time on your hands.

[Lily]

He can't. He doesn't have Instagram anymore because he keeps getting Fights on Facebook. Because he keeps getting in fights in the comments.

[Caleb Hammer]

You keep finding people that like the assassination and yelling at them.

[Lily]

It's not even about that. It's just random stuff.

[Caleb Hammer]

No.

[Bernard]

Well, it's. So the thing about the assassination is.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, yeah, let's get into this.

[Bernard]

Let's get into this. Yeah, let's get into this. Okay, so here's the thing. I don't care about Charlie Kirk. Don't like him. I don't agree with him with the most things, especially with foreign policy and politics. But the fact that somebody can get shot in America for expressing their political

[Caleb Hammer]

beliefs, engaging with people, Every normal person is against that.

[Bernard]

Well, not her boyfriend. Boyfriend didn't give.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's a bad take, that Your boyfriend has death. That shouldn't be celebrated.

[Lily]

I can't speak on my boyfriend. I don't even know if that's an accurate representation of what he believes. So.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yeah. Why do you really have that opinion? You've never met this guy.

[Bernard]

Literally the words came out of her mouth.

[Lily]

I don't believe that 100%. He hears what he wants to hear

[Bernard]

every day.

[Caleb Hammer]

You drink every day.

[Bernard]

So she don't remember.

[Lily]

I do.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're an alcoholic.

[Lily]

I am. I'm trying to quit. We're both trying to.

[Bernard]

Oh, that was another thing I used to tell her when we were together. You can't become an alcoholic. And lo and behold, decent rule.

[Caleb Hammer]

It's a pretty good rule.

[Lily]

I mean, both of his parents were alcoholics, so I don't think that helped in our relationship either. So I think it was.

[Bernard]

My mother died from cirrhosis.

[Caleb Hammer]

We are trying.

[Lily]

Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

Any other addictions I should be aware of?

[Bernard]

I smoke marijuana every day. We know that.

[Caleb Hammer]

We know that. What about your. What was just typed to me scratch off.

[Lily]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

But I only have so much money every week. Yeah.

[Lily]

Tell me it's a lot better because I don't have the money to do it anymore.

[Caleb Hammer]

What's a lot better? $60 a week for your whiskey, 400amonth for your weed. Oh. How much for your scratch offs? Oh, you guys are. You guys are. Wow. Society is carrying you guys along.

[Lily]

Yeah, isn't it? Well, I mean, I have fun. I mean, scratch offs. I don't want to be at home all the time. I mean, I don't want to be.

[Caleb Hammer]

You drive to different locations to sell chips?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you drinking?

[Lily]

No. No, no, no, no. After work. I mean, shoot, everybody likes a cup of whiskey after work, don't they?

[Caleb Hammer]

A cup of whiskey.

[Bernard]

A cup.

[Caleb Hammer]

Do we call them Cups of whiskey.

[Lily]

A glass. A cup.

[Caleb Hammer]

You know, a cup of whiskey sounds a bit different than a glass of whiskey. That sounds about how you smell. Was that what you were drinking this a.m. yes. Oh. Before you came here. Really? Wait, how early did you start drinking this morning?

[Lily]

Probably nine. I think I said 10 early. I think it was nine. I get nervous and. Yeah, it helps with the nerves.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, my gosh. Both of you are insane. Had no idea. Honestly, I. I'll be honest. I didn't think this episode would be anything. I saw you guys and you guys were so quiet. Every time I tried to talk to you guys out there, you didn't say anything back to me. I don't know why. Like, usually guests are like, kind of happy to see me, but I was like, hi, guys. You didn't even acknowledge me. And I was like, all right, what the am I dealing with here? But this is insane. You guys are actually insane. What the is wrong with you guys? Is that what you're spending the 2,139 and you're 1,300 going out to eat scratchers. How much is scratchers a week? Dude, Miscellaneous bullshit. That must be scratchers. 545. 545. How much?

[Lily]

That wouldn't be that much.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why don't you spend on scratchers? Unknown shopping. 529 other large. 1600. Dude, you probably spend. You probably spend 3000 hours a month on bullshit.

[Lily]

I probably spend like a.

[Caleb Hammer]

This is insane for this credit card. You're saying, I hope my score went up from July. You just added thousands to this interest accruing card, and it's all you.

[Lily]

Well, January is the better of the months. I'm glad you don't have last month.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, this goes through January end of December.

[Lily]

Oh, yeah, yeah, all the way through.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, this is the entire month of January.

[Lily]

Glad you don't have February.

[Caleb Hammer]

What is wrong with you?

[Lily]

Oh, nothing.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's pathetic. What is wrong with you?

[Lily]

It was my birthday and Valentine's Day.

[Caleb Hammer]

What size of whiskeys do you get?

[Lily]

750 milliliters.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay. How big is that? Oh, that's pretty big. That's what she said. So it's one of the bigger bottles?

[Lily]

I guess.

[Caleb Hammer]

How frequently are you buying these?

[Lily]

Twice a week.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, I am not a drinker. Please give me indications.

[Lily]

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[Caleb Hammer]

700 liters.

[Lily]

750 milliliters.

[Caleb Hammer]

750 milliliters twice a week. Okay. I'm getting shocked faces in the studio. Yeah, that's a lot of whiskey.

[Lily]

Yeah, and I've been alcoholic for probably about last 8 to 10 years.

[Bernard]

Damn.

[Caleb Hammer]

He's 29. Oh good. You're an actual alcoholic. But you don't drink at work.

[Lily]

No, but the problem is.

[Bernard]

Mazaristroom.

[Caleb Hammer]

Bro, can you. What the. Fine. Go. No one has to on the show. What is wrong with you? We're trying to film something.

[Lily]

He has a small bladder.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why the are you supporting this. This degenerate piece of shit? Brandon, come. Come double team with me here. The is doing here. Smell her breath, Brandon. It's horrendous. Well, yeah, it's all. Call it fucking. It's not even new.

[Lily]

I even asked for mints.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're just trying to hide your booze.

[Lily]

Sorry, Brandon.

[Caleb Hammer]

What the. She needs to abandon this man immediately. You two are the two biggest losers we have ever had on the show. Yes, but you're. But you're supporting him. Oh, that's harsh.

[Lily]

He's the baby.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, that's harsh.

[Lily]

Yeah, I. I do a lot.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're doing. Exactly. Why are you supporting him? You need to abandon him.

[Lily]

Well, he's literally homeless. What can I do?

[Caleb Hammer]

You're cheating on your boyfriend. Allegedly. We do not. We are not going into that. Not physically. What you don't know.

[Lily]

And we're not talking about financially, he's very well off. I mean, he doesn't give a shit. I mean, what financially?

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, you're going behind his back though? He doesn't know everything that's going on. You said he doesn't know the details. That is still infidelity.

[Lily]

I suppose in a way.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, it's infidelity. Infidelity doesn't have to be sticking it in which again we're not talking about. So I don't even know. But it doesn't matter.

[Lily]

Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why are you doing this to another man? And why are you supporting a loser? You need to leave. And also you just go get some Help. If you actually are struggling, get some help, dude.

[Lily]

Yeah, for sure.

[Caleb Hammer]

Like, I'm gonna prefer you going to rehab over fixing your finances any day. Because your life matters more than that. Can this guy get out of the picture? Can you please leave? Bernard, what the are you doing? Stop. He will figure out his own shit. Humans figure out their own shit. They do. They do all the time.

[Lily]

People have financial supports and family support.

[Caleb Hammer]

So there's nothing I can do here. You'll never leave him. You'll never abandon him. This isn't. We're talking about an ex boyfriend right now, right?

[Bernard]

Right.

[Lily]

Right.

[Caleb Hammer]

How many ex girlfriends are you supporting financially? None. Exactly. I'm supporting no ex girlfriends financially. Get a dude. Here he is. So the spending on here going in, getting some. Going against who's going in and buying energy drinks and shit.

[Lily]

Energy drinks are for him. And then I'll buy Starbucks.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, you're no longer buying him energy drinks and Starbucks. Make coffee at home. Give him coffee at home and buy him gamer subs. He can make this at home with his water. Here's some free samples. You can see which flavor you like. Okay? There's a few different ones. They're very good. You can get free samples of gamersupps GG link. In the description below, make sure you use code Caleb. And then you can figure out what flavor you like. And then it's literally 40 cents a serving with my discount of 10% off using my link. Okay, that's making energy drinks at home. And they're incredible. They're legitimately incredible. No more stopping designing it into bullshit. Make your energy drink at home, okay? Use camera subs. My energy drink. Energy drink. Taco bell, Little Caesars, KFC Energy Drink, McDonald's, Chipotle, Dunkin Donuts. Doordashing specs.

[Lily]

That was.

[Caleb Hammer]

That has to be very frequent.

[Lily]

No energy drinks.

[Caleb Hammer]

McDonald's, Wendy's, Thai food, Dunkin Donuts. Again, that must happen all the time. Sonic, Dairy Queen energy drinks, Barnes and Noble, Doordashing. Kick around me. McDonald's, Greek Grill, Starbies. No, make it home. Starbucks, you. It's also like the worst chain. Like, it actually is like the least good coffee.

[Lily]

I like their consistency.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, you don't. They're consistently shit any coffee. First of all, coffee shops is just like bean milk. It's like every coffee shop is consistent. Every place I go to is consistent. Shut the up. Starbucks is bull and a waste of money. And you already know that by making your coffee at home and investing the rest. So now you need to do that with Your energy drink as well make gamer subs at home for just 40 cents a serving and honestly, it literally tastes better. And we proved this accidentally via a blind taste test in our Hammer Elite show. Fat and Fatter. The number one ranked energy drink is Game Sauce. Literally the cherry flavor is insane. Listen, you can also get free samples to see if you like it or 10% off your order at gamersupps gg or click that link in the description below. Type in code Caleb I am so excited for you guys to finally get your hands on what I've been working on for a year. The brand new dollar wise budgeting app. And listen, I get it. The first iteration was a disaster. Many reasons from working with an external agency to shit infrastructure that I could use. But let's be honest, that was on me. So I put my money where my mouth is and after investing millions of dollars and hiring dozens of people, we've completed, completely rebuilt, dollar wise and it is truly incredible. And to celebrate I am giving you some insane deals to sign up for the first time or trying it again after you use the shitty version last year. But these deals only last through March 31st and then they're gone forever. Download now. Take your free trial to test it out and get the monthly plan at a 33% discount for three months. Or take the annual plan for an insane 50% discount. And with the annual you get my budget Friendly cookbook signed by me and my brand new 30 day detailed budget meal plan signed by me as well. Both of them mailed directly to you. But after March 31st the cookbook is gone forever. So this is literally your last chance to get it. Don't miss this opportunity of a lifetime. Download Dollawise and start your free trial. Go to Dollarwise.com or click those links below. Elsa's Greek Grill, Starbucks Whataburger Energy Drink Energy Drink Coffee Taco Bell, Dairy Queen, Doordash Dash Pass. That's what you need if we can't afford bill spending thousands of dollars a month on bullshit, putting it all on credit cards while we're getting abused from every angle financially. Dairy Queen, Little Caesars, Apple Bill, Longhorn Liquor, doordashian Kickrame, Subway Energy Drinks Energy drinks Coffee. Wendy's Energy Drink, Chick Fil A, Olive Garden Discount Liquors, Doordash and Kikorame. Spoon it and I'm sure you guys definitely do did not spoon it during Family Guy. Okay? And Energy Drink coffee Sonic Sally Beauty, Papa John's sheen Longhorn Steakhouse under 1 bucks Longhorn Steakhouse 80 bucks not me.

[Bernard]

I ain't been treated no Longhorn Steakhouse.

[Lily]

She got lunch for her girls at work.

[Caleb Hammer]

And they on your card.

[Lily]

Well, they, she can't have credit cards

[Caleb Hammer]

because of the, you know, so have let her. Because of what?

[Lily]

Because she, they went through their second

[Caleb Hammer]

bankruptcy, which is where you're headed, by the way. So, yeah, continue that trend. But not only that debit card. She can use her debit card.

[Lily]

I, I don't leave money in my debit debit.

[Caleb Hammer]

Her debit card. She can spend her own money. What the fuck are we doing? How old's your mother?

[Lily]

55.

[Caleb Hammer]

Girl, can I just get you to go to rehab? Get out of rehab, go to meetings and then just leave southeast Texas and go anywhere, any direction in the country. Leave these people. Leave these people. You're getting abused from every angle. Seriously, just, you need to get out. And the fact that you're glugging your life away as well is just telling how it's probably why you're okay with it all. You're just willing to submit and just accept life as it is. Horrendously. Starbucks, Karame, Doordashing specs energy drink, Dunkin Donuts energy drink. It's pathetic. First month of the year. Korean interest is gonna be thousands by year end. Thousands. Let me see your checking account.

[Bernard]

It's only gonna go back so far, but I'll show you what I can.

[Caleb Hammer]

You'd want to get back with an alcoholic. What does your boyfriend think about your drinking?

[Lily]

I did tell him, but he doesn't, I don't think he realizes the extent.

[Caleb Hammer]

What the f. How many of you guys see each other? What the is happening here? Sounds like this guy is non existent.

[Lily]

We see each other when we're both off, so once or twice a week. Well, we talk every day, we text every day. I would like it to be more frequently. Obviously he doesn't smell you. I think you're smelling my perfume.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're just did a breath into Brandon's mouth. I am not smelling the perfume. How much did you drink this morning?

[Lily]

Well, I, I got a higher alcohol content than usual, so instead of 50, I'll. I think I did 75 and like 150 proof.

[Caleb Hammer]

But. How much did you drink?

[Lily]

I, I, I couldn't tell you. Like, I, I don't really think about it.

[Caleb Hammer]

What, you go from the bottle?

[Lily]

No, no, no, no. I just put it in a cup and I kind of step on it.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why did you put it in a cup? Okay, well, he figures out how to use a phone. Oh, here we go. He figured it out. I don't want to touch this. I really don't. I feel like you have, like.

[Lily]

I feel like you have a new phone for a while.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, seriously, can you just stop? What is wrong with you? Good. Let him figure out his life. You know, he's gonna be literally like this forever until he figures it out. And he's never gonna figure it out if you don't stop babying him.

[Lily]

That's very true.

[Caleb Hammer]

You have 75 bucks in here. Oh, my gosh. And he's just going to the Cafe Wonderworld and energy drinks and McDonald's. It's like. That's all I needed to see. It's nothing. It's horrendous. It's pathetic. And you enable that and you support it. Yeah, but it's sad. It's disgusting. Stop. I'm trying.

[Lily]

I'm trying to. I'm trying to do more for myself. Like, I got a valise trip planned in, like, four months, and we're to bise.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're going to Belize?

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

No. Do a trip to rehab.

[Lily]

No, I'm going to. I'm going with my friend.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm going with my friend and take them to rehab. 70. I just got a whiff. That was rough. $75.05 with a minimum monthly payment of $75 in your past due on credit one. You're past it. Why? Why does he have credit one?

[Lily]

I don't have a credit one card.

[Bernard]

No.

[Caleb Hammer]

Who has credit one?

[Lily]

My sister has a credit card.

[Bernard]

That must have been mine.

[Lily]

What are you talking about?

[Caleb Hammer]

Must have been. This is. You're behind.

[Bernard]

Yeah, I do have credit card girl.

[Caleb Hammer]

He has a max out credit card.

[Lily]

You don't even know you don't have credit.

[Caleb Hammer]

How the.

[Lily]

Do you have a credit card?

[Bernard]

That was from a couple years ago when I was an electrician.

[Caleb Hammer]

Nope. This was actually a month ago. Two months ago.

[Bernard]

Well, the statement.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yep. Which it's only behind one payment a month ago. There's a late somebody.

[Bernard]

So my dad was like, you got to build credit.

[Lily]

You have a charger.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, it is his credit card. And you didn't know about it? I'm being told, bro. See, this is what you're allowing. And you're okay with this? You're pathetic. Stop. What do you mean he doesn't have credit? This is credit one. They will approve anyone. It doesn't matter. And he has credit.

[Bernard]

Well, I can't use it.

[Caleb Hammer]

What do you mean? Yeah, it's maxed out. On what? What'd you use? It on. What did you use it on?

[Bernard]

Food, energy drinks.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, my.

[Bernard]

When I gave you.

[Lily]

I give you an allowance. I give you 80 a week. Like, seriously.

[Bernard]

I can't use that to pay the card, though. I have to use that for my. You can't pay the card?

[Lily]

You can't use that to pay the card. How are you paying the card then? You don't make money.

[Bernard]

I'm not paying it.

[Lily]

You're not paying it. So who do you think is gonna pay it?

[Caleb Hammer]

Who the do you think's gonna pay it?

[Bernard]

I figured one day I'd have a job and I could start paying on it.

[Lily]

Like it did in January, like it did in July. Like it did in March.

[Caleb Hammer]

You've had jobs. When did this come in?

[Lily]

You didn't have a job then.

[Bernard]

I'm pretty sure we pulled it out when I had a job. The idea was I was supposed to build credit.

[Lily]

What'd you spend it on? There's not. There's no way. It's just energy drinks. You. You drink like two energy drinks. You got to pee like a racehorse. What did you spend it on?

[Bernard]

Just stuff. Normal stuff, you know, energy drinks, food, Gooner games. I do have an only then. That is a thing.

[Lily]

An only.

[Caleb Hammer]

You have an oldie fan. Subscribe to one.

[Bernard]

Well, I. I'm on only fans as a consumer. We'll say that. We'll say it like that.

[Lily]

You had a huge problem only fans when we were together.

[Caleb Hammer]

You. You're. You're. She's paying your rent, an allowance, and you're on only paying for $20.

[Lily]

That's what it is.

[Bernard]

$15.

[Caleb Hammer]

Is it all about the feet?

[Bernard]

It's all about the feet for me. Yeah. And the. And the. And the booty.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, you're a loser too. And you're enabling it. What the is wrong with you?

[Lily]

I gotta figure out that card now. Thanks a lot for that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why do you see I can't. There's no conversation to be had here, dude. I'm sorry. No, no, you do not. I didn't even know about it. What can I. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? You don't need to know about it. Leave him. Leave him. Let him figure it out. If you do not, you will be doing this until you're 80. What is wrong with you? Stop. I can't convince you. Listen, I'll let you use the fucking mine card. It used to be called the fizz card. It is a debit card that builds credit. That's all you need. It only allows you to Spend what's in your checking account and you have 75 bucks instead of blowing all this money you don't have. Okay, how much you spend on feet a month?

[Bernard]

A month? Maybe 14.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's insane for your financial position.

[Bernard]

Yeah, considering I don't have.

[Caleb Hammer]

And he's late and he's destroying everything. Congratulations, by the way. Here's another credit card he has that you don't know about.

[Lily]

Well, you have a second card. Are you serious? What is this one? Another capital one, isn't it?

[Caleb Hammer]

Capital One Platinum?

[Bernard]

Is it maxed out?

[Lily]

Two Credit, one Capital One?

[Caleb Hammer]

It's not maxed out. It's over. Max out?

[Bernard]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

By far.

[Bernard]

I can't make a dent in the.

[Lily]

Was that like. Seriously?

[Bernard]

It's not all foot pigs.

[Lily]

What is it then? What the. Is it. Is it games?

[Bernard]

There's probably a significant amount with the games. Probably Transformers action figures.

[Caleb Hammer]

Transformers action fig. Oh, my God. Dude, this is pathetic. Why are you. Why?

[Lily]

He has a. He has a whole storage unit full of games.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, he has a storage unit? Yeah, he can't afford his own rent. Why are you supporting this?

[Lily]

I guess I'm too far deep.

[Caleb Hammer]

No, no, no. You can literally just walk away. This isn't a hole you can just walk away. You don't have to dig out. You don't have to do anything. You just walk away. Do you pay for the storage unit, too?

[Lily]

Yes.

[Caleb Hammer]

I'm gonna kill myself. Yeah, it's over. Max out. The limit on here is 300. He owes 460.

[Lily]

How do you even get over that? How long. How old's that freaking card? Like, how much interest is that?

[Bernard]

Well, you know, you buy things here and there. Next thing it's over. Maxed out. $10 here, $20 there. And then next thing you know,

[Caleb Hammer]

my goodness, you're up, too. You got cuts on your arm.

[Bernard]

Well, that's. That's from.

[Caleb Hammer]

You used to be a cutter?

[Bernard]

When I was a teenager.

[Caleb Hammer]

Good. These guys are messed up, man. Oh, well, I'm glad you stopped. Can we just say that?

[Bernard]

Yeah, there's not. That is not a thing.

[Caleb Hammer]

Currently good for a long time now.

[Bernard]

Yeah, it was a good once. Isolated incident when I was 14.

[Caleb Hammer]

14? Well, the minimum's 3, 2, 2, 17, but it's like, not really. It's just because you're behind on everything. And this is about to get sent to collections, and there's $235 of fees, $102 of interest that have just hit at a 30% interest rate. Who has the 401k loan?

[Lily]

The only one that has a 401k.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, that makes sense. Oh, my goodness. You took out $16,262 for what? For what? For what? Possibly.

[Lily]

My. My credit card was over 17,000, so I figured it'd be easier to take it out of my 401k and pay it off.

[Caleb Hammer]

That clearly didn't help because you just spent thousands on your credit card and racked it back up. Because you didn't change your behavior, nor are you willing to cut your parents off, nor are you willing to just walk away from this loser. What is wrong with you? Why do you do this? Why do you consider this acceptable in any form whatsoever? If you lose your job. This call's due.

[Bernard]

Due.

[Lily]

Yes, I know.

[Caleb Hammer]

And this is not gaining anything in the market. You're just paying yourself back a few percentage points while you're losing everything in the market. It's horrendous. It's horrible. 620amonth comes from your paycheck towards this. Are you sure you're 6500 net? Is that before or after that?

[Lily]

It's after. That was net.

[Caleb Hammer]

Better be. That's insane. What is wrong with you?

[Lily]

And that's not the first loan I've taken out either. This is. This will be the third time I've borrowed against my 401k.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why?

[Lily]

It's just. It's the. The amount's gotten bigger every time, bro.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why, though? Why? What were the other ones for?

[Lily]

Paying off the credit card.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why do you do that without changing your behavior that got you there in the first place? Because clearly you just it up every single time.

[Lily]

Well, that's why we're here.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's why you're here. Shut the up. That's why you're here. This is a mess. That's beyond anything I can do. You're not willing to leave him. You're not willing to stand up to your parents. You're not willing to even move in with a boyfriend of three and a half years. You need rehab. You need to grow the up for the first time in your damn life. You're already graying, man. You're literally already graying. And you don't have a job.

[Bernard]

This is true.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're pathetic. Okay, I'm being told you take out a 401k loan once a year.

[Lily]

This last one was for two years.

[Caleb Hammer]

Insanity. Insanity. Yes, you are graying, Colton. But you have a job, so it's not bad to gray. It's the fact that he's a child

[Lily]

and he's graying I started graying when I was 22.

[Caleb Hammer]

That's because you're a drinker your age. Like 90. I mean, come on. It's gonna be honest. You're going for an early grave. I had a very close family member die of alcoholism. It's not great. And you're headed down that path.

[Lily]

There's a lot of changes coming, for sure.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, good. They're always coming. Never here. It's funny how that works, isn't it?

[Lily]

I'm trying.

[Caleb Hammer]

Are you? I mean, you have whiskey on your breath from 75% proof alcohol from 9am this morning. Where's your trying? I don't smell trying, that's for sure. So where's your trying?

[Lily]

We're definitely eating out less. We're.

[Caleb Hammer]

We're Weir. You're Weir. Why is it Weir? Do you not understand this is an impossible conversation? There is no win from here. The fact that you're giving Weir. We're not a weird. We're not a Weir.

[Bernard]

I pushed for us to buy groceries and more often instead of I asked to buy groceries.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're not in odds. You're not in us. This shouldn't matter. This should not be the words that

[Bernard]

are being used instead of going out for so much. That's how the lunches started, Actually, yes.

[Lily]

That's been the past couple of months, and they have helped. But we still go out at least once a day for food.

[Bernard]

Typically, there's no hope here.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, it's the Harley Davidson.

[Lily]

I own it.

[Caleb Hammer]

But he uses it.

[Lily]

Yes. I don't have a license for it. I mean, what is it, an iron? 883 Sportster 2022.

[Caleb Hammer]

I can't find the total balance on this.

[Lily]

I think it's about 10,000. Around. 10,000?

[Caleb Hammer]

That's insane. You're not even using it, and this dude's gonna smoke pot one day and just crash it. So you pay 223.79amonth? 78 cents a month. $223.78 a month around there, yes.

[Lily]

Like 185, I think.

[Caleb Hammer]

What? No, your minimum payment is $223.78 1.

[Bernard]

It's like 180 or 90, and then there's a $40. Like a warranty, essentially.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, so your minimum monthly payment is $223.78?

[Bernard]

Yes, sir. That is correct.

[Caleb Hammer]

Do we have the value? It won't pull it up. We don't know. But listen, I highly doubt it's worth that 10.

[Lily]

My dad said if he f. This up, then he'll take it.

[Caleb Hammer]

Will he pay for it?

[Lily]

I don't know about that.

[Caleb Hammer]

Oh, my goodness. You surround yourself with losers.

[Bernard]

Her dad ain't about that life.

[Caleb Hammer]

This is your entire life as losers. Do you realize that? Do you realize you are surrounded by losers in every way?

[Lily]

I mean, I guess it takes one to no one. We're all losers around here.

[Caleb Hammer]

Takes one to no one. I don't. How am I a loser?

[Lily]

I mean, you're putting on chapstick. First of all. What?

[Caleb Hammer]

This doesn't make any sense.

[Lily]

I mean, you just gotta. You gotta pull those lips up.

[Caleb Hammer]

Well, that explains why yours are dry and crusty. Being bitten like. What the. Zoom in on those 4K.

[Lily]

Thanks for that.

[Caleb Hammer]

You're welcome. You're the one who brought it up. Yes, I'm putting on chapstick. I. It's. We dehumidify the office so it's more comfortable, which means it's more dry. So you're just surrounded by losers. Doesn't mean you necessarily aren't. You are, but you can fix that. But honestly, the best way for you to. I've given up on you. There's nothing I can tell you in the end. The real answer is you just need to get a job. But you're not going to, so I don't really care. You're gonna. Your whole life. You're done. Okay? You are the only one with any kind of hope. But you're always gonna be a loser if you only surround yourself with losers. You need to escape being around losers.

[Lily]

Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

And you need to probably go get some help.

[Lily]

Yeah. I choose not to have friends because if this ends up happening.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, well, that's not how friendships work, though. You're just surrounded by horrible people at all times. Student loans. Who has 33 or $30,889.21 in student loans?

[Lily]

That's me.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay.

[Lily]

What degree do you have a bachelor's in? Marketing.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, I guess. I mean, you're making great money, so it works. Okay, what's your minimum monthly payment?

[Lily]

I pay like 200, 250, so I think it's 200.

[Caleb Hammer]

Is the minimum payment plan of some kind that is lower. So 200 payments. None of the interest rates are horrendous. We got one that just peaks over 5%. Most of them are low, so I would do minimum payments until these are paid off. Why are you putting extra towards them? That doesn't make any sense. You have a credit card that is accruing interest. You have a motorcycle that is Accruing interest that is not worth what it is. Why the are you least of the worries? Least of the worries. Checking account. $21. Started with negative $0.67, yet you're giving him money. Dude, this is such a pathetic joke. This is a pathetic joke and I cannot wait to call this guy in the post show. You have no clue. This is going to be incredible.

[Lily]

We don't call each other so this is going to be interesting. I've never really called him before.

[Caleb Hammer]

What a great relationship with three and a half years these two have had and they see each other two times a week and they never call. Yeah, this is great. Okay. Energy drink. Energy drink. ATM withdraw. $80. I think that's for his allowance. Cash app. 100 bucks. Dunkin Donuts, Subway Colorado Canyon. McDonald's energy drink. Cash app. 15 bucks. Energy drink. Energy drink. Raising canes. Energy drink. Little Caesars. Actually, Groceries. Finally. Energy drink. ATM withdraw. 20 bucks. Energy drink. Energy drink. Miller's discount. McDonald's Jack in the box. AI is incredible. It can teach you how to fry an egg and even write a poem pirate style. But it knows nothing about your work. Slackbot is different. It doesn't just know the facts. It knows your schedule. It can turn a brainstorm into a brief. And it doesn't need to be taught. Because Slackbot isn't just another AI. It's AI that knows your work as well as you do. Visit slack.com meetslackbot to learn more. Energy drink. McDonald's energy drink. Energy drink. Cash app. 10 bucks. Energy drink. Energy drink. Charlie's Philly Spoon it. Energy drink. McDonald's energy drink. Novroski's energy drink. Energy drink. McDonald's cash app. $100. Cash app. 180. Who gets these?

[Lily]

That's for his stuff.

[Caleb Hammer]

I thought he got 80. Oh, my. Energy drink. Energy drink. Actually, groceries again. $500. ATM withdrawal.

[Lily]

I don't know what that was for.

[Caleb Hammer]

Ah. Energy drink. Energy drink. Energy drink. Dairy Queen. Raising Canes. Sonic Energy drink. Energy drink. KFC Energy drink. Energy drink. Energy drink. Gamer Subs Guys, it's so much more affordable. Not this. $5 every time. 40 cents a serving. 40 cents a serving. That's so good. You have no idea. It's. It's the future. It really is. Spoon it. Energy drink. Energy drink. Burger King, Atmitra. 80 bucks. There's the allowance. Energy drink. Energy drink. McDonald's Energy Drink. Energy drink. Cash App. 75. Energy drink. Longhorn Liquor. Taco Bell Energy Drink. McDonald's Energy Drink. Energy drink. Energy drink. Energy drink. Energy drink. Starbucks energy drink. Jack in the Box. Auntie Ann's. Donald's energy drink.

[Lily]

Auntie Ann's.

[Caleb Hammer]

When you go there, the is wrong with you. What? So he has access to your checking account?

[Lily]

I mean, I'll let him use my card sometimes.

[Caleb Hammer]

Why? What is wrong with you? In every way whatsoever. Sorry. Your retirement's a joke. 27,000. But you owe against it. 16. So it's nothing. It's pathetic. It's horrendous. It's so stupid. What are we doing? Is there even a budget to make for her? She needs to. I don't know if you need rehab, but you need to start going to meetings and slowing down and stopping. Obviously. Don't cold turkey for alcohol, you'll die. But my gosh. Seek expert opinion on that doctor supervision. Income, 6,500. What's your rent or what do you pay for your parents?

[Lily]

My mom takes out 300 a week.

[Caleb Hammer]

She takes out. Okay, a week.

[Lily]

Well, that's for my phone, my rent, my helium.

[Caleb Hammer]

Fifteen bucks a month. Same towers and services team.

[Lily]

It's all on the family plan.

[Caleb Hammer]

Yes, but. Get that and move the away. Get that and move the away. I don't give a. Get that and move the away. 1200.

[Bernard]

Wow.

[Caleb Hammer]

Minimum monthly debt payments. Yours, not your 401k. Because that becomes before your net 400. $478.78 phone plan. You will. You need to get out. You need to move the out. How much? Vroom, vroom. Drive, drive, gasoline. Vroom, vroom. Drive, drive, gasoline.

[Lily]

$200 a month.

[Caleb Hammer]

Car insurance.

[Lily]

140 for me.

[Caleb Hammer]

So that's.

[Lily]

And what was it? 89 for him?

[Bernard]

Like 89 for the. Yeah.

[Caleb Hammer]

229. Necessary food. You can do 300. Move out. Do you do groceries for the house?

[Lily]

No, just for him.

[Bernard]

They do it when you buy groceries. Her family?

[Caleb Hammer]

He's not in the budget anymore. They're cutting him out. In fact, I'm okay with the car insurance until he gets a job. No car insurance for three. This is what I'll do. You can support him for three months. After three months he will have transitioned or he's done. That's it. He has three months to do it and then you're cut dry. Okay. $300 for groceries.

[Lily]

Okay.

[Caleb Hammer]

Car insurance. What's just yours? 115. Good TV fund. Anything else you need to survive? 100 bucks. Medical, health care. CO pays on a monthly basis. Do you.

[Lily]

No.

[Caleb Hammer]

Gym?

[Lily]

No, not anymore.

[Caleb Hammer]

Subscriptions? Let's say 40 bucks.

[Lily]

You have any pets over eight. So no. Well, my dog's over eight years old so I don't need any insurance for her.

[Caleb Hammer]

But depending on the breed. How much for pet food?

[Lily]

Either way my mom pays for it.

[Caleb Hammer]

Okay, you move the up. Well, let's get your shit right now. Anything else that needs to be in the budget that I have not taken into account. You're completely cutting them off in three months. Hello? Anything else that needs to be in the budget?

[Lily]

Anything else?

[Caleb Hammer]

No. Ask him. He's not a part of this. He's done. I don't give a. He needs to figure out his life, man.

[Lily]

No, not that I can think of.

[Caleb Hammer]

Go to counseling if you need to do whatever you need to do. You're living expenses.

[Bernard]

I'm not going to afford to go to counseling.

[Caleb Hammer]

Buddy, you make zero money, you live near Houston, you can get free like crazy. You have no idea. All you have to do is look. Absolutely. We get it all the time in the show. You're liars who are not looking into things.

[Lily]

No, I've been trying.

[Caleb Hammer]

Can we send him resources? Yes, we will send him resources because they're pathetic and can't can use search engines.

[Lily]

My tribe.

[Caleb Hammer]

Listen, you have an extra $5000 a month. Wipe off your debt in a few months and then you're done. I'm so. That's that. That's it. An extra $5,000 a month. Shut the up. This is so stupid. Cut them off in three. Grow the up. Get some help. Stop being a pussy. We're gonna call the boyfriend on the post show. Join at Hammer Elite. Hammer Financial Score. Just go yourselves. Guys, this is Hammer Financial. Click join Hammer Elite. That's it. See in the post show, how do you feel about your girlfriend and her ex boyfriend going to Austin together and watching Family Guy late into the night in the same same bed together?

[Bernard]

What?

[Caleb Hammer]

What kind of conversation is this? It's a conversation where I'm trying to tell you you might be getting cucked. Dude. This is the last week. Don't forget to download the new dollar wise budgeting app. This is officially now the best budgeting app on the market. And I'm giving you a special deal to download, but only through March 31st. Take a free three day trial to test it out and then you get the monthly plan at a 33 discount for the first three months or the annual plan at an insane 50 50% discount. With the annual, you get my budget friendly cookbook and my brand new 30 day detailed budget meal plan signed by me and mailed directly to you after March 31st. The cookbook is going away forever, so this is literally your last chance. Don't miss the opportunity of a lifetime. Download Dollar Wise to start your free trial, go to Dollar Wise.com or click the link below.