Financial Audit Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: I F*cking Hate Them | Financial Audit
Host: Caleb Hammer
Guests: Jordan (26) & Matt (24) from Springdale, Arkansas
Date: December 22, 2025

Main Theme

This episode of Financial Audit puts a spotlight on the turbulent financial and relationship dynamics of Jordan and Matt, a young couple grappling with communication issues, patterns of instant gratification, hidden debts, and a lack of financial literacy. Host Caleb Hammer digs deeply—often combatively—into their spending habits, mindset, relationship power dynamics, and massive debt, aiming to confront destructive behaviors and highlight the urgent need for budgeting, accountability, and mutual growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relationship Dynamics and Communication Issues

• Jordan is characterized by the host as dominant in conversations, often making unilateral financial decisions while Matt acquiesces or remains passive.
  • Caleb repeatedly points out that Matt needs to "stand up" for himself and that Jordan "cucks" him in both financial and everyday decisions.
  • There is frequent banter about whether Matt is able to express his needs, with running jokes about Jordan talking in circles or shutting down communication.

Quote:

"You communicate by saying you’re doing something, then you do it regardless of what he thinks." — Caleb [38:30]

• Matt expresses concerns about being left out of major financial decisions, learning about debts and obligations only after the fact.
  • Jordan downplays or dismisses the seriousness of the secrecy and lack of communication.
  • They share finances only for joint bills, while otherwise maintaining separate accounts, leading to confusion over what constitutes joint vs. personal expenses.

Quote:

"It's joint for the bills… but then separate accounts for personal income." — Matt [34:07]

• Jordan is accused of a “victim mentality” and of twisting narratives to justify her decisions, while Caleb insists she avoids genuine self-reflection.
  • Matt, while admitting Jordan has become better, admits it's a source of ongoing frustration.

2. Debt, Spending Habits & Instant Gratification

• Staggering household debt, much of it hidden or underestimated:
  • Both guests were shocked to find their real total debt was over $82,000—Jordan herself vastly underestimated her portion.
  • A significant amount is in collections, originating from a mix of past relationship co-signs (notably for a water filtration system), consumer debt, and family loans.

Quote:

"I’ll tell you what’s in it—$82,569.93 of debt. You say you’re not that bad." — Caleb [19:30]

• Large, impulsive purchases justified as “bonding” or self-care activities.
  • Jordan bought a $3,700 OneWheel (electric skateboard) despite already being in deep debt and Matt owning two.
  • Explanations for such purchases include improving self-esteem, shared hobbies, or poor-quality alternatives—which is met with heavy skepticism by Caleb and Matt.

Quote:

"You spent 37[00] on a OneWheel. You know it’s bad." — Matt [16:08]

• Refusal to accept responsibility or consequences for “co-signed” debt.
  • Jordan co-signed a water system loan for a former partner and currently refuses to pay if her ex defaults, despite it affecting her credit.

Quote:

"I'm not paying it. That's not my water system." — Jordan [63:20]

• Heavy spend on eating out and small luxuries (coffee, bakery, boba, etc.)
  • Around 40% of monthly discretionary spending is described as "bullshit" by Caleb.
  • Jordan sometimes borrows small amounts even from family (e.g., her mom) to satisfy cravings for non-essentials like specialty tea.

3. Income, Employment & Budgeting

• Both work full-time, making a combined income of approximately $4,700/month, but struggle to budget within their means.
  • Jordan, a newly hired receptionist at $21/hour, also does sporadic dog-sitting.
  • Matt works at a botanical garden, earning about $2,300/month.
  • Despite this, their monthly and impulsive spending consistently exceeds income.

Quote:

"You guys spent $5,000 when you brought in about $4,500, so that's a lot better." — Caleb [31:55]

• Misunderstandings about credit, collections, and co-signing persist.
  • Jordan openly admits that, had she understood the implications, she might not have made the same decisions—but also demonstrates repeated failures to learn from financial missteps or research ahead.

4. Financial Literacy, Enabling, and Therapy

• Jordan is enrolled in therapy but is harshly criticized by Caleb for “enablement” rather than true behavioral change.
  • Her history of unhealthy financial habits is described as unbroken despite therapy and weight loss achievements.

Quote:

"You're in enablement therapy, not having a therapist that actually helps." — Caleb [56:04]

• Caleb characterizes both sets of parents as “enablers,” especially regarding loans and cosigns.
  • Family loans (to both dad and grandma) are considerable, and Jordan's dad financed her OneWheel, which the host derides.

Quote:

"I'm calling him [Jordan’s dad] post-show. We need to stop this enablement." — Caleb [68:00]

5. Coaching, Tools, and Next Steps

• Caleb enrolls them (at no charge) in his “Master Your Money” program and provides access to budgeting apps/tools.

  • Strong recommendation for picking up extra jobs, strictly following a budget, and considering selling their too-expensive car.
  • Offers career resources (course certifications) to help boost income.

• Long-term roadmap outlined:

  • Pay off debts over 2-3 years
  • Build emergency savings, then retirement contributions
  • Only discuss marriage and meaningful next steps once there’s clear and sustained change in financial behavior

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You are the annoying one in this conversation. That is why I am ripping you.” — Caleb [00:00, 37:44]
  Caleb’s recurring, confrontational refrain frames the entire episode’s tone.

• “I don't know how you're going to deal with this... She glued me back together. No. Yes, he did.” — Jordan & Caleb [81:24]
  Demonstrates Jordan’s perception of the relationship as stabilizing, versus the reality of ongoing financial chaos.

• "If I touch your OneWheel after this, did I fucking like, diddle you?" — Caleb [33:15]
  Exaggerates the absurdity of the couple’s attachment to possessions.

• “You can’t say that. Yes, I can. The boot fits.” — Matt [30:11]
  Matt's rare pushback, met with laughter and more jabs.

• On enabling:

  • “Why would he do that for you? Cause it's so enabling. Such bad decision making.” — Caleb [67:50]
  • “No, he's doing it out of love. He loves his daughter.” — Caleb [69:54]

• On communication breakdown:

  • “I feel like you project your aggression onto your guests. Is there something going on? Are you okay?” — Jordan [36:34]
  • “You cuck him, and you actually smell like a Halloween store somehow.” — Caleb [38:44]

• Repeated use of “cuck,” “beast,” and other provocations:

  • “You absolute beast.” [32:51, 67:47]
  • “You're a mess.” [86:53]
  • “She's broken.” [44:48, 74:47]

Important Timestamps

• [01:56] — Initial personality clash and first discussion of secrets in finances
• [07:04] — Origin of major debt (water system co-sign for ex-boyfriend)
• [13:18] — Breakdown of $240 hair appointment and “mental health” justification
• [16:08] — $3,700 OneWheel purchase: start of deep-dive into impulsive spending
• [19:30] — True total debt disclosed ($82,569)
• [27:16] — Analysis of household spending versus income ("doing great" vs. "rocky")
• [40:10] — Jordan admits to borrowing from her mom for tea
• [46:00] — Host details how 40% of their spending is on non-essentials
• [54:09] — Jordan reveals she’s banned from Klarna (payment app)
• [55:09] — Weight loss and health journey discussed
• [63:20] — Jordan flatly refuses to pay water system debt
• [82:15] — College now unfunded; plans for career training support
• [98:00+] — Detailed build-out of a bare-bones household budget attempting to fit massive debt and bills

Summary Table: Financial Situation

| Category | Amount | Notables | |----------------|--------------|----------------------------------------------| | Total Debt | $82,569.93 | Student loans, car, co-signed water system, family loans, medical, collections | | Household Income | ~$4,700/mo | Jordan: $21/hr (+dog-sitting). Matt: $2,300/mo (botanical garden) | | Recent Large Purchases | $3,700 (OneWheel); $240 (hair); regular small luxuries | Funded despite debt; little to no budgeting | | Retirement Savings | Jordan: $7,000 (401k); Matt: $5,000 (401k/Roth) | Not enough for age or combined household | | Monthly Overspend | Spent $5,000; Brought in $4,500 | 40% of spending labeled as “bullshit” (non-essentials) |

Tone and Takeaways

The tone is highly confrontational, irreverent, and at times caustically humorous, but the episode is peppered with moments of genuine concern and practical advice from the host. The overarching message is one of desperation for the couple to break out of destructive patterns—both financial and interpersonal—before advancing to major life milestones like marriage or children.

The episode stands as a cautionary tale about the interplay between communication, personal responsibility, and financial health within relationships. Listeners are reminded that budgeting, self-awareness, and accountability are key—not just for individual stability, but for relationship resilience.

Final Recommendations & Conclusion

• Immediate halt to major non-essential purchases
• Strict adherence to budgeting with outside accountability
• Consider reducing car cost via private sale
• Participate in financial literacy programs and potential career upskilling
• Do not proceed with marriage or joint financial moves until there’s substantial progress and transparency
• Address enabling behaviors both personally and within their families

Caleb’s parting words:

“You have to go bring in more money right now and you have to follow the budget. Use the Dollarwise budgeting app. Go through the master your money series. That’s the plan… If you don’t want to end up on this show, make sure you’re not like these guests.” [103:54]

For Listeners Who Missed The Episode

If you’re looking for a raw, unfiltered look at how easy it is for couples to fall into deep financial disarray—and how relationship communication often tracks with money mismanagement—this episode is both a caution and a call to action. Caleb Hammer’s signature blend of tough love, sarcasm, and real-world advice makes for an engaging, if sometimes jarring, journey through the financial trenches.