I've Never Seen This Before | Financial Audit

Summary

Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer

Episode: I've Never Seen This Before | Financial Audit
Date: February 25, 2026
Guest: Vixen, 32, Minneapolis, MN

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Episode Overview

This episode is a candid, at times chaotic, and often humorous financial audit of “Vixen”, a 32-year-old manager at a coffee shop from Minneapolis, Minnesota. The conversation dives into Vixen’s complex personal background as a trans woman, her unconventional and at times controversial views within her community, and, ultimately, her uniquely disastrous financial situation. Caleb’s signature brash but honest style leads the conversation through personal identity, career backstory, and, as always, a surgical breakdown of income, debts, and spending patterns.
The overall tone is irreverent, sometimes contentious, but always centered on financial self-awareness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Background & Identity (00:57–16:15)

• Vixen's Introduction
  • Vixen, age 32, Minneapolis native, currently a manager at a coffee shop.
• Trans Identity & Community Views
  • Vixen discusses being trans, preferring not to focus on pronouns ("I've been called they/them before. That was very upsetting." – Vixen, 02:44).
  • Expresses unorthodox views: doesn’t consider herself a typical left-leaning trans woman, says, "I don't agree with what the trans community is putting out there" (13:31), identifies more as libertarian.
  • Staunch on biological distinctions, rejects idea of trans women participating in women’s sports for fairness (05:29).
• Controversial Tone
  • The conversation quickly swings into politically charged, offbeat banter about politics and identity, with both guest and host calling out each other’s assumptions and language.
  • Notable, self-deprecating humor throughout: "You're a confusing beast, aren't you?" (Caleb, 13:13), "Beast, definitely." (Vixen, 13:17).

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2. Career, Income, and Education (06:44–17:15)

• Employment & Salary
  • Current job: Coffee shop manager (makes about $60,000/year gross, or ~$4,900/month net, though Vixen’s financial awareness is poor and she initially underestimates her own income).
  • Past career: Elementary and music teacher, in Fargo, ND, until social media controversy.
  • Former side gig: Occasional professional singer for events (up to $500/gig, highly irregular).
• Transition & Surgery Costs
  • Multiple gender-affirming medical procedures over six years, mostly covered by insurance, $5,000–$7,000 out-of-pocket.
  • Future planned surgeries: Further facial feminization, a nose job, and a BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) in Turkey—estimated $40,000 total, which will not be covered by insurance. No clear financial plan to fund these.
• Parental Financial Involvement
  • Parents have paid off old student loans and a prior breast augmentation, totaling $40,000, forming a significant debt she owes them.
• Education
  • Bachelor’s degree in Music Education, originally trained in opera and music performance; taught elementary music prior to transition.

"So you owe them $40,000 for boobs that don't even exist." (Caleb, 75:29)

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3. Financial Audit: Spending, Debts, and Habits (21:09–93:08)

• Awareness Gaps & Budgeting
  • Vixen admits, “I put everything on my Apple card and pay it off at the end of the week. That's my budget.” (21:29)
  • Consistently underestimates both income and spending by large margins. For example, guessed December outflow at $2,500; actual: $9,300 (21:35–22:49).
• Major Debts
  • Apple Card: $2,159 balance, $1,000 accrued interest in a single year, usually making only minimum payments despite believing otherwise.
  • Personal Loan (Upstart): $9,000+ @304/month—rolled over from a previous $12,000 loan, originally used for LASIK and paying off credit cards/car.
  • Parent Loan: $40,000, no structured repayment schedule.
• Retirement and Savings
  • Wiped out $23,000 401k for transition-related medical procedures, now only $1,700 in retirement savings—“horrendously behind”.
  • $5,000 currently in savings.
• Spending Patterns
  • Severe impulse spending: $2,000 on a TV, frequent Starbucks, Amazon/Pop Mart figurines, “multiple” new outfits for this podcast appearance (none actually worn), myriad subscriptions ("I've never seen more subscriptions on someone's phone than this." – Caleb, 63:20).
  • No consistent tracking or budgeting, despite professed intent and use of budgeting apps.
• Lifestyle Expenses & Side Hustles
  • Large outlays for transitioning (surgery, electrolysis, laser hair removal).
  • Occasional, insubstantial income from OnlyFans and singing ($7–$14/month from OnlyFans).

"Your financial life is defined as: I spent on my Apple card and pay off. No, you don't, you dumb broad." (Caleb, 54:31)

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4. Underlying Issues & Life Choices (46:26–87:47)

• Gaming/Streaming Priorities
  • Recently bought $2,500-$3,000 worth of Twitch streaming equipment, turned bedroom into a streaming room, sleeps in the living room.
  • Host skeptical of financial viability.
• Relationship Dynamics & Roommates
  • Moved from Fargo due to uncomfortable/unsafe roommate situation (63-year-old fellow trans roommate developed obsession, became threatening, including gun threats).
  • Discusses challenges in dating and relationships as a trans woman.
• Social Media & Job Changes
  • Fired from teaching over parents objecting to non-explicit, but “spicy” lingerie photos online, which were posted under a different name.
  • No residual or significant income from these posts ("peanuts" from OnlyFans).

“You spend uncontrollably. You got a hundred-inch TV for your living room ... You're up your life. So what is wrong? You don't know how to manage your finances.” (Caleb, 54:07)

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5. Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Financial Obliviousness
  • “How can you not—you know you're on a podcast, right?” (Caleb, 24:10)
• On Transitioning:
  • “I wanted to come on here cause I didn't want you to put me in the same category as all these other trans people." (Vixen, 32:59)
• On Relationship Boundaries:
  • "I put them through tranny boot camp, essentially." (Vixen, 84:44)
• On Surgery & Procedures:
  • “Your tip is now your clit.” (Caleb, 69:25)
• On Budget Reality Check:
  • “You have an extra $2,200 on a monthly basis. Give you 200 for fun. You have $2,000 left ... Apple’s paid off in a month—don’t use it again…Upstart is paid off in about four... this is all done in a year and three quarters, two years max.” (Caleb, 91:17-91:34)

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6. The Numbers—Final Audit & Budget (88:06–92:17)

Monthly Basics

• Rent/Utilities: $1,650 (all-in)
• Debts: $25 (Apple), $304 (Upstart), nothing yet to parents
• Car insurance: $75; Gas: $20 (lives next to work, Prius)
• Phone: $110 (Apple upgrade program)
• Groceries: $300
• Healthcare: ~$25-30/month (co-pays every 3 months)

Realistic Surplus

• After all essentials & minimum debt payments: roughly $2,200/month excess.
• Plan: Aggressively pay off Apple Card (1 month), then Upstart (4 months), then begin paying down parent debt.
• Emergency fund and retirement need urgent restructuring after debt payoff.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Personal background / Political-identity discussion: 00:57–16:15
• Career and education history: 06:44–17:15
• Surgery and transition expense details: 07:39–08:18; 29:52–32:00
• Singing demo/Ave Maria: 38:47–40:29
• Financial illiteracy revealed (income/spending): 21:09–22:49; 53:02–54:03
• Debt breakdown: 52:45–55:05; 73:07–75:32
• Moving/roommate saga: 84:06–87:47
• Budgeting and financial plan: 88:06–92:17
• Final financial score & wrap-up: 92:19–93:08

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Episode Summary

This episode is signature “Financial Audit”: wide-ranging, bluntly comic, occasionally tense, with a focus on both the numbers and the messy human realities behind them.

Vixen’s personal story is one of constant reinvention—musician, teacher, barista manager, streamer, side-hustler, with an expensive and ongoing gender transition. Her financial life, however, is best described as self-sabotaging, impulsive, and completely lacking in structure or self-awareness. Multiple debts and wiped-out retirement savings are compounded by uncontrolled spending on Starbucks, subscriptions, gadgets, and surgery plans with zero real budgeting.

Caleb, as always, cuts through the drama to the core with his characteristic tough love: stop spending, use what’s left for aggressive debt payoff, restore an emergency fund, and get retirement back on track. While the episode is filled with side conversations about identity, relationships, and challenges as a trans person in the Midwest, its core message is universal: know your numbers, control your lifestyle, and make a plan—or your future will be as uncertain as your current bank statements.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

I wanted to come on here because, like I said, I feel like you've had a lot of libto trans people on here.

[B]

Still don't know what that means.

[A]

Like lived out.

[B]

We have people left wing on the show. We have people right wing on the show.

[A]

I thought maybe you might be one as well.

[B]

Why am I libtard just the people

[A]

that you have on here?

[B]

Oh my goodness.

[A]

You have an only that has nothing to do with me working with kids during the day. I put them through training. Boot camp, essentially.

[B]

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[A]

Hi, I'm Vixen. I'm 32 years old. I'm from Minneapolis, Minnesota, and this is financial audit.

[B]

Okay, I have to ask a couple questions just so I'm being respectful. 1. Are you born a woman?

[A]

No.

[B]

Really? Yeah, I hit it. Well, I guess that's actually not that complicated.

[A]

Not you clocking T right away.

[B]

Well, fake tits and masculine features. Who would have thought?

[A]

Not me.

[B]

Good. I just wanna make sure I'm being respectful.

[A]

I paid a lot for you to

[B]

not see that though you're on the she. Yeah, but that never really works. I know, but that's okay.

[A]

People know.

[B]

But that's okay. Doesn't mean I don't respect, you know, whatever you want to do. So are you she, her, you. You specifically requested not to do pronouns. At the beginning.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. And I can do that.

[A]

Yeah, I've been called they them before.

[B]

Okay. That was very upsetting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, Based on what you just did, she's offensive and you are naturally white.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Because I see like lots of dark tones that I feel like you're trying to hide on your face.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Like there's some black here and here.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's just contouring. It didn't blend well enough.

[B]

Okay. I thought maybe you were pulling like a white chicks situation.

[A]

I'm naturally white Norwegian.

[B]

Okay, that's good. Norwegian. Norwegian, trans. We love them. Yeah, that's everyone's favorite kind of trans.

[A]

I mean, you've had a lot of interesting trans on here.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You've had a lot of lived out trans on here. Switching sides.

[B]

Lived out trans.

[A]

Libtarded trans. Yeah.

[B]

Lived hearted. What does that even.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know, I was thinking that you kind of had a thing for libta trans.

[B]

I don't think I've. I mean, I. I don't hate trans people, but I also don't think I've ever had sex with a trans people.

[A]

Never know.

[B]

Oh, no. Well, I mean, once you get down there, you kind of know, but sometimes.

[A]

Sometimes not though.

[B]

Okay, then pause. Can I ask the question?

[A]

You may ask the question.

[B]

Is it there? Does it dangle?

[A]

Nope. Really? Yeah.

[B]

Oh my goodness. How much does this cost?

[A]

Well, thankfully I got it covered by insurance.

[B]

Insurance?

[A]

Yes, insurance.

[B]

Okay. A lot of people are gonna be upset that they've contributed to the pile that makes their premiums more expensive for that. But I don't really care what people do, genuinely, generally.

[A]

So I wanted to come on here because like I said, I feel like you've had a lot of libbed hearted trans people on here.

[B]

I still don't know what that means.

[A]

Like libbed out, like super.

[B]

Yeah. We have people left wing on the show. We have people right wing on the show.

[A]

I thought maybe you might be one as well. Like a libtard.

[B]

Why do you even think that? Like, I don't even care if someone does. But I don't know.

[A]

I've watched a lot of your. A lot of your shows.

[B]

No, every time I take a political compass test, I'm pretty much in the middle. I'll take left wing positions when the facts are there. I'll take right wing positions when the facts are there. That doesn't mean I sit in the middle on every issue. It means I start from the middle and then go where the facts Are. I don't really give a shit where it comes from. Why am I libtard just the people

[A]

that you have on here.

[B]

We just accept who applies on the show. I'm guessing you are not libtard because that's very important to you. Identity politics critical to you making it through your life. I guess.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. Especially in this world.

[B]

You're trans. You know that, right?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

A lot of people don't like that.

[B]

Do you think you should play in women's sports?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think that's fair.

[B]

You're a controversial one, aren't you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're all over the place.

[A]

All over the place.

[B]

You get there.

[A]

How did I get where?

[B]

It's rare to get a right wing trans.

[A]

I wouldn't call myself right wing.

[B]

Okay. You immediately called me a libtard. It's hard to not think you are.

[A]

I know, but I wouldn't. I don't agree with everything. The right way is going.

[B]

Okay. Just confusion out of the. Okay.

[A]

I know. I'm an interesting one.

[B]

What do you do for a living? How about. Let's start there?

[A]

What do you think I do for a living?

[B]

I already know what you do for a living because you told me before, dumbass. Oh, stupid. And I can actually use that word correctly now?

[A]

True.

[B]

Or someone say incorrectly, but I don't care.

[A]

So there's a lot worse things you can call me to.

[B]

I'm not using the F word. You're not going to get me to use it. I'm not going to use it. I'm not going to use it.

[A]

We'll see.

[B]

You're not going to get me to use it. Colton.

[A]

There's another one.

[B]

I'm not going to say it.

[A]

There. There's another one. Yeah, that one.

[B]

Oh, is that the one?

[A]

Yeah, I use it all the time.

[B]

Okay. I assume you use the N word as well.

[A]

No, not really.

[B]

No.

[A]

I've been accused of it, but who

[B]

accuses people of using the N word?

[A]

People. People that don't like without actually hearing

[B]

you say the N word.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I mean, you do look like a Fox News host with a. With a. With a jawline.

[A]

With a jawline.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm planning more surgery, so.

[B]

Okay. How much has this all cost?

[A]

Well.

[B]

Cause this is financial audit.

[A]

Right. And it is mostly covered by insurance.

[B]

But what. Okay, what have you spent on it, dollar wise? Great budget.

[A]

I was just gonna say.

[B]

Okay, all right, calm down, calm down, calm down. How much does it cost?

[A]

You Upwards.

[B]

Some of the other people are coming in late. Brandon, Lindsay. They watch so they can do the pro show. Post show. Brandon, we have a. Oh, he knows. I love it. We love it.

[A]

I waved at him before I came in here. He's like, who is this person?

[B]

Okay, so how much does this cost you? You're affirming surgeries.

[A]

Yeah. Well, what have I had to pay or what is it like.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Yes, your money. Why have you spent? Because I know you don't make much money even though you haven't told us what you do yet. It's kind of annoying, but I know what you do. I assume it doesn't make that much, but please, how much have you spent? Please?

[A]

It's like, I'm very thankful. I've been like five to seven.

[B]

Okay. Over the course of, like years. Over the course of how long?

[A]

Six years.

[B]

Okay. And how much is the rest of your surgeries gender affirming gonna cost? You know, she doesn't have a penis. Foreign. It's impressive.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Sorry, I just. I like to share these things with Brandon. He didn't get to experience the first five minutes of this mind blowing conversation.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

Yeah. So how much don't you just leak urine? Isn't that the issue, though? I heard, like. I've heard of that.

[A]

That is something that happens. Yeah.

[B]

See you. You gave a face like. Well, that's.

[A]

Well, that's not my experience, but it has.

[B]

Oh, it happens to.

[A]

Happens to people that don't go to the right people.

[B]

Okay, so what do you do?

[A]

I am a manager at a coffee shop.

[B]

Okay, we got there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good. Very good. And how much do you make, vixen?

[A]

About 800 a week.

[B]

That was at your net. Is that. What's your account?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I have another one coming in. Lindsay, do you know she does not have a penis?

[A]

I did know that.

[B]

That's impressive. How do you know these things? You're not even the producer assigned to this episode.

[A]

Well, because I'm obsessed with her, so.

[B]

Oh, we got lots of big fans in the office. Okay, so is it 800 net?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Times 52. So $41,600 a year to be the manager.

[A]

She said 41,000.

[B]

Is it $800 a week you said?

[A]

Yeah. What did you.

[B]

What did you put in times 52? Because there's 52 weeks a year. 41,600 net. Net. That's net.

[A]

Yeah. I thought it was something like 50.

[B]

Is that before taxes?

[A]

No, that's after. I thought it was like 800. 800.

[B]

Do you know how much hits?

[A]

I thought so.

[B]

Wait, do you not actually know what hits your account?

[A]

Yeah, that was like 850 or 800.

[B]

You thought? Yeah, but you actually don't know. Well, is it hourly?

[A]

Look, no, it's salary.

[B]

Okay, then this should be pretty consistent. The payroll that came in last month should be the number, right?

[A]

Should be.

[B]

It was 4973.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

What is wrong with you? How do you not know?

[A]

I. I did.

[B]

They transitioned to the the brain to dumb blonde.

[A]

Well, that does happen. Yeah, there's a whole subculture online about that.

[B]

No, What? That trans become stupid after getting rid of penis?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know.

[B]

About getting to testosterone levels or something.

[A]

I don't know. About getting rid of the penis?

[B]

Well, I don't know. After what.

[A]

After you transplant.

[B]

Is this real?

[A]

People.

[B]

I don't know what's real.

[A]

And with me, people claim that all the hormones changes, like your biology and your chemistry and stuff like that.

[B]

Well, yeah. I mean, you're doing something unnatural.

[A]

Right. But it doesn't change that much besides physical features.

[B]

But you just said hormones and stuff. I think it's does. Getting rid of your balls doesn't change much hormonal. Why is it?

[A]

Well, it stops. You stop producing as much testosterone.

[B]

Well, that's. Yeah, that. And aren't you doing estrogen?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, are these not hormonal changes?

[A]

Yeah, but it's not changing like the. Like the biochemical.

[B]

What?

[A]

Makeup of your DNA, which is what people say they call a trans woman. Biological women. Which is not true.

[B]

Correct. This is your excuse for not knowing how much you make?

[A]

No, no, that's just genuine. Like, I was shocked. I thought I was like 800 a week.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Colton said you went on a full rant of a laundry list of reasons you don't even like the trans community. What are you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're such a confusing beast, aren't you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Beast, definitely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What is wrong with you? Why? Why, why? Why'd you go fully down this rabbit hole and you hate everyone around you that's in your community.

[A]

I don't know if I like, hate them. I just don't agree with it.

[B]

What? Don't agree with what?

[A]

I don't like. I don't agree with what the trans community is putting out there.

[B]

And I asked, what. Oh, my goodness. You have gone. I don't know how this happened. What is wrong with you? You are not smart. Please. What?

[A]

I'm just. I'm just saying, like, what? I believe that it's okay that trans women are biological men, and it's okay to say that.

[B]

I think everyone agrees with that.

[A]

No, they don't.

[B]

Biological.

[A]

They don't. No, a lot.

[B]

Okay, well, that's okay. People can do whatever they want. Doesn't change biology.

[A]

I don't care. I know. Exactly. And then we. Okay. And then we have people saying that these young kids know that they're trans at a young age. It's like.

[B]

No, but that's like 1% of the population that's actually even, like, acting on that. Like, it's. But.

[A]

But it gets blown out of proportion.

[B]

It certainly does. Welcome to winning elections. But I mean, that's okay. So that's your whole freak out?

[A]

Well, no, I just. I have values on why? I don't believe that's a thing.

[B]

Do you watch Marxist?

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

What do you watch?

[A]

I don't really watch.

[B]

Where are you getting things from?

[A]

Lived experience.

[B]

No, come on. You have opinions and some. Usually it's hard to get into an opinion without at least knowing it exists somewhere. And you. Come on.

[A]

I mean, I have friends on both sides.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have friends that are very lib doubt and I have friends that are more right wing.

[B]

Okay, but the way you talk about it libbed out and right wing clearly makes you look less upon the left. Meaning you are right wing regardless of what you say.

[A]

I mean, I consider myself more libertarian.

[B]

Fine, if you are.

[A]

I consider myself more libertarian.

[B]

Okay, Libertarian. So you can do whatever you want?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Including the children.

[A]

Well, I guess. Obviously you can do whatever you want. People are adults. I don't know about kids.

[B]

Yeah, if we're going full libertarian.

[A]

Before I was. I worked as a manager, though I was an elementary teacher.

[B]

Well, in Minneapolis.

[A]

Actually I wasn't in Minneapolis at that time.

[B]

I was going to say they wouldn't care, but I could just see that being hyper controversial. Where were you?

[A]

I was in a red state. Fargo, North Dakota.

[B]

And what did they think of that?

[A]

They never wrong with it.

[B]

Is it because you're halfway convincing?

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Halfway.

[A]

I know. I'll take half.

[B]

She's getting there. She's spending more.

[A]

I didn't have a. They didn't have a problem with it because I just did my job.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Well, you know, maybe things are blown over the top online. Who would have thought?

[A]

Well, they are. That's what's exactly. Usually when people see trans or hipaa trans you. They have some kind of. Trans women are women and these minors should.

[B]

Are you a woman?

[A]

No, I'm a trans woman.

[B]

So it's like a new breed.

[A]

Sure, that works.

[B]

Wow. Man.

[A]

I don't love the idea of saying trans women are men, but it's like biologically biological.

[B]

But gender. Don't they separate gender?

[A]

Oh yeah. Biological all the time. Well, you don't identify.

[B]

Yeah, well, look what you've done. You've done something like you.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You're not identifying.

[A]

I know. Well, yeah, I guess. But I don't. I don't go around saying I identify as a woman.

[B]

Very conflicting. Just on your existence.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Okay, but you were forced to leave your job as a teacher, so obviously they had some kind of issues.

[A]

What so on my social media, I post some more spicy content.

[B]

Spicy, but they're all fake anyway, so what is there even spicy about it? Things that don't exist. Your boobs aren't real.

[A]

The parents.

[B]

Your vagina is not real.

[A]

The parents.

[B]

I guess if you post the butthole, those are pretty gender neutral, which I can't do. Oh, then what's the point?

[A]

The parents.

[B]

Would they not like. I mean, look at you. Your tits out right now and I'm not even looking. You know why? Because they're fake. Why even look at that point?

[A]

Fair. Yeah, but parents would find my stuff.

[B]

Wow. Are you posting X rated stuff?

[A]

No.

[B]

How risque.

[A]

Just like.

[B]

Okay, show us lingerie.

[A]

Show us lingerie photos.

[B]

Let's see. See if this was a justified firing.

[A]

I didn't get fired from. I left it.

[B]

Yeah, forced to leave your job is kind of what I got. This is your risque.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I mean this is the kind of content that people post when they're Eczema is unpredictable.

[A]

But you can flare less with ebglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase. About 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[B]

MGLIS Lebracizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per 2 milliliter injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Eglis before starting ebglis. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

[A]

Ask your doctor about Eglis and Visit or call 1-800-LILYRX or are 1-800-545-5979 trying

[B]

to sell of true. So it kind of makes sense, right? I don't think I would want my teacher doing that.

[A]

But how are they finding me?

[B]

Well, they looked you Up.

[A]

Yeah, because you're the teacher. Right, but it wasn't. It's not the same name.

[B]

One person found it, and then they shared it within.

[A]

I know, but, like, why are you. That's my private business. That has nothing to do with me working with kids during the day.

[B]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, this kind of makes sense, right? I would understand why they would kind of want you out of there. Right. Especially in a more conservative state.

[A]

No, no, I disagree.

[B]

When was the last time you were, like, appearance of a guy? Can I see it?

[A]

You didn't see it.

[B]

Of a guy. You being a guy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, show me.

[A]

You just went through the pictures.

[B]

I wasn't looking intently. I was just, like, you know, seeing that, I think it was relatively fair. Oh, my goodness. What the. That is crazy. Make sure we put that on screen right now. What the. Yeah, that is crazy. Are you doing anything to your voice, or is that natural?

[A]

Um, well, I mean, this is how I talk now.

[B]

Yeah, but are you doing something intentional, or is that just how it is?

[A]

This is how I. This is how I talk now. So as. Like I said, I was an educator. A music educator, I should say. Really?

[B]

What were you teaching? Music.

[A]

What? Where.

[B]

What. What kind of music?

[A]

Oh, elementary. Elementary music educator. Okay, I know. Sorry. But I was also a voice teacher,

[B]

so not a real job. Oh, there's a real one.

[A]

I was also a voice teacher, so I understand how the vocal mechanism works, so I was able to train my voice to sound like this now.

[B]

So how you doing? 5,000 hours a month, by the way.

[A]

Thank you. That's a compliment. What about my voice?

[B]

Well, yeah, I mean, you're imitating like a biological woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I thought, you know, maybe you were doing something tonight. But no.

[A]

No surgery, though. No surgery on that.

[B]

That's the surgery you can do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Vocal feminization. Vfs, they call it highly against that. It's extremely dangerous.

[B]

Well, then, yeah, probably shouldn't do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. This episode is not about trans. Despite what you think, however, it just. Okay, rabbit holes. Listen, you thought you made $3,400 a month, but you make $4,900 a month. How the. Were you so wrong? How can you pay bills? How can you even pay bills if you're off by that much?

[A]

I put everything on my Apple card and then paid off at the end of the week.

[B]

The end of the week?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But that's not. No. If you think you make $1,500 less than you make, how are you even surviving? How are you budgeting? How are you existing? How are you doing anything whatsoever?

[A]

I mean, like I said.

[B]

Okay, what was your outflow? I have your inflows. 5,000. What was your outflow?

[A]

Oh, gosh, just this last month?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, this was christmas. Oof. 2,500.

[B]

What the is wrong with you? It was $9,307. How can you be that wildly off? What are you talking about? What is wrong with you?

[A]

I don't know. I thought I understood it. See, this is what people say. This is why you're here. This is why I'm here.

[B]

Sure, but I need to know a little bit about where you're coming from, how your life is now, how your mentality is now, or else we can't fix anything. How the. Were you that far off in your own assessment? What do you think? Going back to last month, you're looking. You thought it was 2000 something. How, how, how, how were you there?

[A]

Just because I was thinking about Christmas gifts.

[B]

So you thought it was only 2000? Your entire spending for everything. What's your rent?

[A]

So rent is altogether 1650.

[B]

So how the do you think you only spent 2000? You think everything else in your life was only 400 more? 500, 600 more.

[A]

Sure, sure. Okay, I got you. Oh, I was not. Sorry, I wasn't following the question. Was not following.

[B]

Broken.

[A]

Okay, So I spent $9,000 last month. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yes, I agree. That's crazy. What's crazier is that you think you only spent 500 more than your rent for all of your expenses combined outside of that, including any kind of fun you did, health care that you do, co pays, trips, gas, food, electricity, Internet. Gas for driving.

[A]

All of the electricity, Internet, all of that is bundled in with money.

[B]

Okay, but the fact is, you thought you only spent $400 more than your rent. What the are you talking about? What does it look like right now the way you do your finances? Please.

[A]

Well, since I started watching your show, I downloaded the dollar Wise budgeting app.

[B]

Yes, it's a good start. So tell me, what are you doing? What these things look like. You're clearly not using it. If you thought you only spent $2,500 last month.

[A]

No, I haven't.

[B]

What the are you talking about?

[A]

You're right. Like I said, I am just paying everything off my Apple card at the end.

[B]

Is that it? That's what your entire life looks like?

[A]

That's my budget.

[B]

Define your entire financial life. I pay off my Apple card. That's it. Nothing Else exists. You can't tell me a single thing outside of that. What is wrong with you? How can you not. You know you're on a podcast, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

How can. Can you tell me what the is going on? There has to be more in your life other than you pay on a credit card and that. Oh, I got tits. Congratulations. Can only take you so far in life.

[A]

But I like them.

[B]

Close. Not perfect. Almost there. Good. Well done.

[A]

But you don't like them.

[B]

I don't care. One, they're fake.

[A]

And two, and. Huh.

[B]

And I just. I wouldn't do it because it's hard when it doesn't get naturally wet. And also my boobs isn't. Well, it's like. Yeah, but if I'm interested in the boobs another way, it means we're going in other directions. So it's like, do I want to go to the full package? Probably not. So I mean, it's just, you know.

[A]

Do you know?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Have you. Do you even know?

[B]

Does your vagina get naturally wet?

[A]

Yes, it does.

[B]

No. How?

[A]

Because I did a surgery that a different kind of like procedure. It's called. Oh. What

[B]

does it look like? A vagina?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

With all the roast and folds and everything has the same feeling. Has everyone said it feels the same?

[A]

I haven't had any complaints.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, but do they say it feels the same?

[A]

I guess. Yeah. I mean, I don't.

[B]

Wow. This is crazy. No, that's impressive. Congratulations. Congratulations.

[A]

Okay, I'm trying to think.

[B]

Then. Then, then you're right.

[A]

Of what it was called.

[B]

My logic was flawed. I only don't like them because they're fake.

[A]

Fair. But there's different, like procedures that you can get. Like how you can get it. Like you can get it with no depth whatsoever and more like aesthetic from the outside instead of no depth of it.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Well stop taking me down the trans rabbit hole. You are more than that. That cannot be the most interesting thing in your life.

[A]

No, I appreciate you saying that.

[B]

Exactly. You are not able to give me anything beyond that. The moment something trans related comes up, you're able to talk like crazy. But I don't ask anything about your finances. Just say I pay off my Apple card. Give me something. I need to know what your life looks like.

[A]

Dude. It's because chick. You can say whatever.

[B]

Dude is gender neutral in my.

[A]

Yeah, I know. So is bro. It's fine. Especially at this point. Especially at this point.

[B]

Uh huh. Go on.

[A]

I was really thrown off by the finances thing. I thought I made More than that.

[B]

What? That you made more? No, you told me you made less.

[A]

Well, no, that's. I.

[B]

You do make more than you said.

[A]

Yeah, I was.

[B]

You don't know that yet.

[A]

I was just going by.

[B]

I have clarified that you do make about $1,500 more than you thought. Are you. Is there. Are you. Have you not caught up to that yet?

[A]

I caught. I'm caught up, yeah.

[B]

Are you sure? Oh, how do I get through this? Okay, well. So why'd you go to Minneapolis?

[A]

That's where I was born. Okay, so. Born and raised Minneapolis. Moved up to Fargo for college, and then.

[B]

Okay, why don't you just open, like, a trans daycare or something?

[A]

A trans daycare.

[B]

You'll make an infinite amount of money and no one in Minnesota will look into you.

[A]

Well, now, in Minnesota, yeah. Good. Yeah, that's fair.

[B]

Were you not able to follow along on that either? You know that's happening right now.

[A]

I said it's fair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

30 seconds later, I'm also white. Not so friends.

[B]

It counts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Dude, you're like, superior.

[A]

I don't know about superior.

[B]

In Minnesota.

[A]

Yeah, it's fair. It's blue, but it's not just.

[B]

Okay. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

I swear.

[B]

You are. Oh, you are. How do people have conversations with you?

[A]

That's a good question. I'm very controversial on a lot of things.

[B]

I don't think so. Because you're not able to speak.

[A]

You don't think so?

[B]

No. You are not conversational. You're impossible to have a conversation with.

[A]

Besides the budgeting thing. I've been answering your questions.

[B]

This is financial audit. I need a little bit on the money.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

You got to give me some. Some information, but this is what. I can go into these numbers with any kind of knowledge.

[A]

Right, but this is what I. This is what I'm doing. Like, pay. What I said about the Apple card. Put everything on Apple card and pay it off like I said. I saw part of your thing was like, to make an Excel spreadsheet and put what you would pay for each of those things down.

[B]

Okay, listen, again, I'm glad you want to talk about trans. I don't really give a. You've piqued my interest a couple times on the vagina thing, especially, because that's just like, one, we love vaginas here. Two. I think a lot of people are curious.

[A]

Didn't you say a lot of people or at your. One of your last shows that you were thinking that you were bi at one point?

[B]

Yeah, a long time ago.

[A]

How. How did that. What. What sparked that experience with young.

[B]

Okay, I'm asking the questions, though, because you're on my podcast.

[A]

I was just curious. When I heard that, I was like, oh, okay. Musician.

[B]

Oh, for sake. Okay, so if a trans part is a big part of your life, let me bring that to finances. Obviously, we're trying to budget in some future operations. What are some things you're trying to do? This was a question I tried to ask earlier that you could not answer. Let's see if you can get to it this time. What is it gonna cost? What are some things you're trying to do in the near future that we need to budget towards?

[A]

So I. As a transsexual, we know that want. We know more surgeries.

[B]

We know that that's always. I'm trying to ask you what they are. I just established that for you.

[A]

I want to get a second round of facial feminization surgery.

[B]

Okay, so what are you gonna do?

[A]

I want to go to Turkey and get my face cut up again.

[B]

Yeah, but what. What are you trying to do to Turkey? So you have to fly to Turkey. Well, Turkey, what are they going to do? Like, what's going to happen?

[A]

Well, I want to get. Well, you've noticed the anger.

[B]

Yeah, you have a manjaw.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. I want to get rid of more of that. Even though I already, like you saw

[B]

before, man jaws are hard to get rid of.

[A]

I know.

[B]

They're very manly.

[A]

And then I also want to get more of a Barbie nose.

[B]

Turn to your side.

[A]

To my side?

[B]

Yes, turn to your side. Let me look at you. You have a good nose. What the is wrong with you?

[A]

Not good enough.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so also.

[A]

Also, I want to get a BBL in Turkey.

[B]

All right, give us a twirl.

[A]

Give you a twirl?

[B]

Yeah, give us a twirl. I'm objectifying you right now. Come on.

[A]

I see that. Well, I came on this show, I guess, for that.

[B]

Yeah, you need one. Okay. Sit down. Yes. Okay, I got it.

[A]

That wasn't embarrassing at all, huh?

[B]

Okay, so what is this bvl gonna cost? The obviously crucial one here? Cause your ass is a sad excuse.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Thank you. It's gonna cost, like, 23, 25.

[B]

25 what?

[A]

Thousand.

[B]

What? The nose one. That you have a good nose. The jaw one. Thank you.

[A]

That's 13.

[B]

Cause you look like a man. So what does that get us to? About 40?

[A]

Yeah, around there.

[B]

40,000 for your income. That's crazy. How are you paying for that because no insurance, right? That's out of pocket.

[A]

That's out of pocket.

[B]

Fuck. Are you paying for that?

[A]

I mean, I haven't paid for it yet, but. No, I want to.

[B]

No shit. I'm asking how are you paying? The answer to how are you doing? This isn't. I haven't done it yet. Are you. What is wrong with you? You can. You've never been on a podcast.

[A]

I have.

[B]

What? What? Cause no one who comes on the show has ever been on a podcast. You're telling me you've been on a podcast and somehow you are like this?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess.

[B]

What podcast have you been on?

[A]

I've been on some podcasts with some friends.

[B]

Uh huh. There it is.

[A]

A lot in the trans community. Uh huh.

[B]

Okay. So very good. They're my friends. How do you.

[A]

Okay, well, I said friends and then you're like, uh huh. And I'm like, yeah, no, that explains

[B]

why you haven't actually done any real podcasts. Oh, right.

[A]

Not something as popular as this.

[B]

No. You got there. You figured it out. Yeah, I had to explain. But you. I did it all by yourself. Okay.

[A]

So I just. I really.

[B]

Here she goes.

[A]

I wanted to come on here. Cause I didn't want you to put me in the same category as all these other trans people that come on here.

[B]

I don't put people in categories. I'm putting you in the category because you're literally. I haven't put anyone in any category. Usually it's financial. Up. What category am I putting them in?

[A]

This is financial. What?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

So this is financial. Not up.

[B]

What category have I put them in?

[A]

Like trans people.

[B]

You just said I put them on. You just said I put them all in a category and you don't want me to put them in this. You in the same category. What category have I put them in?

[A]

Oh, okay, I got you. We got there. We got there.

[B]

Oh, whoa. You taught at a school.

[A]

I know. The taught children music though. What category of Lift Hearted Trans.

[B]

I don't believe that I've done that, but okay, this is. From what I've seen. I'm not putting you in libtard. I'm putting you in.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I've already established that.

[A]

Thank you. No, I know. I could see that. I could see experience. A membership that backs what you're building with American Express Business Platinum. Enjoy complimentary access to the American Express Global Lounge Collection and a welcome offer of 200,000 points after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card. Within your first three months of membership. American Express Business Platinum. There's nothing like it. Terms apply. Learn [e-mail] Business Platinum It's a. Yeah,

[B]

buddy.

[A]

Back to turkey.

[B]

And then flights and hotel.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And food.

[A]

Yes. It's expensive.

[B]

So how did you plan on paying for this when the only thing you could tell me about your financial life is I put money on my apple cart and I pay it off. So how do you plan on paying for it? Please, please, please, please.

[A]

Hopefully budgeting when I figure this out.

[B]

So no plan. So no plan.

[A]

No.

[B]

How do you plan on figuring this out then? Cause you said planning on budgeting after you figure this out. How'd you plan on figuring this out?

[A]

Taking the extra money that I don't use from when I get paid and then reminder making.

[B]

9,000 went out, 5,000 came in. So yeah, correct that. So how do you plan on doing that?

[A]

Um, 9,000 usually doesn't come out though. That's not.

[B]

What did you just say?

[A]

9,000 doesn't usually come out every month.

[B]

How do you know that? You thought you made $1,500 less than you do. You thought you spent $500 more than your rent. How can you say 9,000 doesn't usually go out? How can you possibly say that? How can you be a reliable narrator for that in any way whatsoever? Please inform me.

[A]

I can see where you're coming from. However, I. I don't, I've never, I don't think I've seen that, like as a summary of my bank statement. Like that never really threw me off.

[B]

Okay. And you get some extra money being a professional singer as well, Right? So that'll help.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell me about that.

[A]

I mean, people hire me for funerals, weddings.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell me about that. Obviously, yes, because I just said you make money doing that and then I said tell me about that and then you didn't tell me about that because you are certified. Actually, I believe we uploaded before we uploaded you. Financial audits. Most guess unfortunately they have already been superseded. Now I'm. It's rubbing off.

[A]

It's rubbing off. At least it's not the trans thing that's not rubbing off, is it? No.

[B]

I've never had a desire to be a woman.

[A]

Thank God. Good for you. That must be nice.

[B]

It is, I think. I guess.

[A]

Be nice to be comfortable in your own skin.

[B]

Okay. Well, why'd you freak out and go all woman?

[A]

My dysphoria.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Having gender dysphoria from a young age.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

How do I. Oh, my God.

[B]

Cause we're getting a lot of people, surprisingly, even on libtok, that are saying, like, why are all my trans friends detransitioning?

[A]

Yes. Cause they transition for the wrong reasons.

[B]

What reason was that exactly?

[A]

What reason is it mine I can speak to. Cause I had gender dysphoria from childhood.

[B]

And what was their reason? Who detransitioned?

[A]

Well, because they transitioned. Because their friends did. And it was a social thing. Because of trans TikTok and transtrenders.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And that's why I wanted to be different.

[B]

Why is she making this side gig of singing?

[A]

Oh, that's not con. That's not that consistent. But it's like 300, $500.

[B]

Sing me a song.

[A]

What song?

[B]

I like Sabrina Carpenter.

[A]

Okay? So just please, please, please don't prove I'm right. Can I even do that? Like copyright? I don't know.

[B]

Keep going.

[A]

That's the only one I can think of at the moment.

[B]

There's more to that song.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Sing something else. You know one thing.

[A]

My ego's another. I'm begging you, don't.

[B]

And what do you make from that?

[A]

That Three hundred and five hundred dollars, depending on how many songs for what kind of events?

[B]

Funerals. That happens at a funeral?

[A]

No, not. Not Sabrina Carpenter at funerals. No, it's more like Ave Maria. Yes. Oh, you want me saying Ave Maria?

[B]

Oh,

[A]

Av Maria. Gratitude.

[B]

Maria Grazia Plana. What's with the weird pauses?

[A]

Probably not getting the right breath control. I'm nervous.

[B]

No, it's like when your tone breaks up, you all of a sudden.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[B]

I will pay for that.

[A]

Well, it's you. Okay.

[B]

Pause and all.

[A]

Usually I'm better warmed up than I wasn't expecting to sing. Okay.

[B]

So we can.

[A]

I really wasn't.

[B]

We can't put any projected income on that.

[A]

I wouldn't know. It's more of a side thing. It's not consistent.

[B]

So men. Straight men.

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[B]

I have to ask the curious questions in between here and there just to keep my curiosity going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How often does a straight man uniquely you? How often like someone who's not coming back for seconds?

[A]

It's usually I don't continue it.

[B]

Damn. So how often does a unique person

[A]

like A unique person.

[B]

I don't like someone that you haven't slept with. How frequently do you. A straight guy. Straight, not bi, not gay.

[A]

No. I prefer straight men.

[B]

I know you do.

[A]

Not a lot. Not like frequently. Not like two to three a month.

[B]

So one to two.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Okay, good. Good for them. And they do it. No questions, no flaws. No, they don't. They're not even like curious.

[A]

Not usually.

[B]

Do they know?

[A]

Yes. Oh, yes. And they want that consent. Yeah. Yes. Because I'm not about.

[B]

Huh. All right. He would. Congratulations. We'll get you guys a room.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Afterwards.

[A]

I am not about not disclosing because I'm not about.

[B]

And would you give him a wood?

[A]

Absolutely. That's why I have this cherry slushy. Cuz he recommended that one.

[B]

It is very good.

[A]

It is good.

[B]

Okay, good. We got that taken care of. Well done. Let me know how it is. I'm genuinely curious.

[A]

Oh God.

[B]

I'm just. None of us have like experienced that before, so. Yeah, you're a pioneer. Okay, very good. What do you think your financial score is? 0 to 10. 0 being the worst, 10 being the best?

[A]

0.

[B]

All right. If you want your financial score, take the [e-mail] it is free and it just takes a few minutes to see where you stand in the world of money. Where you need to do better or where you're doing really well already and what you need to do to improve caleb.com and if you don't want to be like a guess who ends up on this show. 1. Don't transition. 2. Download the dollar wise budgeting app. Take the free trial to see if you like it. New features being added every single month at the time of this being uploaded. By the way, our whole new refresh. All bunch of new features should be added and most people take the annual version once the free trial ends because it saves a lot of money like 50%. And you get my budget friendly cookbook signed by me mailed directly to you. Check that out. All those links are in the description below. Let's jump into these numbers. Oh my goodness. You the world moves fast. Your workday even faster. Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you quickly write, analyze, create and summarize so you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn [e-mail] M365 copilot have an only. So we need to add that income too. So you didn't get.

[A]

No, no, no. Not. It's not significant. It's peanuts. Oh like $7, $14. Oh, it's not significant.

[B]

Okay, but can I add the singing? Do you get a gig a month? On average.

[A]

No, I just. Just do manager income.

[B]

Okay, I'll do just manager income. Well, look what's on top. The infamous Apple card. The only thing you know about your life.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Outside of you being trans.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's what you've wrapped your entire world around for the entirety of your life.

[A]

That.

[B]

Well, you're literally able to talk about nothing outside of it.

[A]

No, that's just about you. Well, not. Well, Gotcha.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Not really.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Talked about how I'm a singer and it was a teacher.

[B]

I mean, Colton told me you're also trying to budget and becoming. Buying a shit ton of equipment to become a Twitch streamer.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Full time.

[A]

I did. Do.

[B]

You already did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, but he says. Oh, so you have to buy a new computer. Why? So we have to budget in 40,000 hours for this trip and then you're gonna get. You're gonna get all this equipment to do Twitch.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

That's kind of stupid. I'll be honest. But what's not is actually getting a checking account that gives you free money. Free money. We like free money. You can get up to $350 in bonus cash right now. When. For the checking account that I use, Chime. Also, it makes your savings grow at a 3.5 APY interest rate. Guys, you can watch Financial Audit and get free money at the same time. Who would have thought? That's incredible. Check it out. Link in the description below. Sign up for chime. Get that $350 right now in your checking account. Starbucks is bull and a waste of money. And you already know that by making your coffee at home and invest in the rest. So now you need to do that with your energy drink as well. Make Gamer subs at home for just 40 cents a serving. And honestly, it literally tastes better. And we proved this accidentally via a blind taste test in our Hammer Elite show, Fat and Fatter. The number one ranked energy drink is Gamer Sauce. Literally, the cherry flavor is insane. Listen, you can also get free samples to see if you like it or 10% off your order at gamersupps GG. Or click that link in the description below. Type in code. Caleb, how much is that gonna cost? What are you getting?

[A]

I got about, I don't know, about 2, 25, 3,000. For that we're gonna need. That's more realistic than the whole surgery thing on the horizon.

[B]

Yeah. I don't understand. If you're spending more money than you make. Well, so is the surgery happening or not? Because listen, I'll budget for whatever people want to do. When people have bad reasons for leaving the country, I still will make a plan for them to do it. If you're budging to get a chin and a butt or no chin and a butt, I will do it. But is it. Is it happening or not? You tell me.

[A]

Yeah, it's gonna happen.

[B]

Okay, so we're doing that. But this doesn't make sense. If all of a sudden we have to upgrade our gaming equipment. We have to do this. It doesn't get there.

[A]

But I'm thinking in terms of the fact that it's a smaller amount. Therefore, that's going to come before the surgery.

[B]

But that takes. But every amount saved to get to the surgery gets immediately drained every time we hit this. These little goals along the way.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So you don't ever get to the big goal. So that doesn't make sense. What's more important? Twitch or.

[A]

But well. Ugh, that's a good question. More important or. Cause then if I did talk about it, I could make more money.

[B]

You just told. Well, yeah, okay. Maybe you ain't. You know, you ain't no sinna. My new crush. I love Cinna. Can I just say, she like, my goodness, I'm obsessed. Like, whoa. And pokimane. Also my wife. Oh, my goodness. Those. Those two. Listen, I just. Both of them. I'm proposing to both of you right now.

[A]

Okay. Interesting.

[B]

But you ain't them, girl.

[A]

I know. I haven't started.

[B]

You said you did in the past.

[A]

I know, but, like, I mean, Colton's

[B]

telling me you literally sleep in your living room so that you can make your bedroom your twitch room.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So clearly you're prioritizing that.

[A]

I am.

[B]

I don't think you're going to make money, though. I mean, Brandon and Tyler do pretty well because they have the connection to this show on their twitches. They still don't make, like, money. Like, livable money, Money that will go towards goals. It's like extra help.

[A]

Brandon does twitch.

[B]

Yes. And he actually has a platform, unlike you.

[A]

That's true. That's true.

[B]

And he still does just halfway decent. It's more like passion, I assume. Yeah, like 500 bucks a month. That's what he's getting.

[A]

At least. Yeah. At least he can quantify it and

[B]

put it get his. But he's grinding on it, like, most every day because. And you just see. And then. And this is. This. This makes no sense because you cash out your 401k, so you have to spend on your hobbies, and then you just paid $8,000 for laser hair removal. So how do we ever get to these goals if you're just blowing thousands on along the way? It doesn't make sense. 8,000? How'd you pay for 8,000?

[A]

It's not bullshit.

[B]

Depending. If you're trying to get to the big goal, anything that is a want that takes us away from that big goal is bullshit. In my head. You had to do the 8,000 for laser hair?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why shave?

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Laser hair is great. Trust me. Oh. I funded it for my girlfriend, don't get me wrong.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So electrolysis, but you're trying to get to the butt. You're trying to get to the.

[A]

No chin, but electrolysis. Okay, so before I could have my bottom surgery, I had to get electrolysis, so I had to get all the hair moved.

[B]

Oh, for. How'd you even buy that? How'd you afford that 8,000? This makes no sense.

[A]

Well, that was part of the 401k.

[B]

Yeah, 401k. So our retirement's gone for the sake of not having hair?

[A]

Yeah. So I can have the bottom surgery. The things.

[B]

Was it big?

[A]

Oh, God. I don't. No. Think. I don't think so. No.

[B]

Oh, okay, then it's fine. Wasn't benefiting the world. Okay. Wasn't contributing much. What, you're offended by the thing you want to get rid of?

[A]

No, it's. I just never thought of it in that way, so it's just kind of like. What?

[B]

Dude, you gotta do some math. In the end, everything's quantifiable.

[A]

Yeah, but I never thought of it as a.

[B]

Get over it.

[A]

Well, sure, I guess. I don't know. I just never thought of it that way.

[B]

When you measured it.

[A]

No, no, no, no. God, no.

[B]

You looked at her and went. You.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It makes you uncomfortable. Yes.

[B]

You never jacked off?

[A]

No. Whoa.

[B]

Mark just freaked out. He's the. He is the he. He jacks off like a professional.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah, that's. Yeah. I've never thought of it in the way.

[B]

Okay, so I can see that feeling like an emergency to pull your 401k out. I can. Like. I can see why it feels that way.

[A]

See, this was more of an emergency than getting a. I can understand.

[B]

You looked at your. And you vomited. It's. You know, I can't relate. But.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

See, I look at mine and I come.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

I'm easy.

[A]

All right. Did not know that about you. After all these episodes, I should have known these.

[B]

Oh, now you know. Now you know, now everyone knows. I just look at. Oh, just did it. I'm an easy one.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Okay. Apple card. So this is usually where I ask what's going on here. But the answer's gonna be, I put money on it and I pay it off. Is there anything else that is.

[A]

Okay, that's it. I charge it and I pay it off at the end of the week.

[B]

You pay it off every single time. So it never accrues interest?

[A]

Yes, because the interest is pretty high.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. The spending on here is insane. Oh, my absolute goodness. What are you doing? What are you doing? That's a lie. You had $1,000 in interest charged. You're a liar. You don't know what you're doing. There's $1,000 in interest charged. Almost rounded up. What the are you talking about? Pay it off every week. No, you do not. No, you absolutely do not. So I am marking this as a debt, you moron. You couldn't tell me how much money you make? You couldn't tell me how much money you spend. Now you're going to tell me that you pay this off every week while you've accrued a thousand hours in interest for 20, 25. No, you. This makes no sense. You have no idea what you're doing. You're confused on your gender. You're confused on your numbers. You're confused on everything. And I love that for you. Except for the numbers part.

[A]

You love that for me. Oh, thank you.

[B]

The gender part. Yeah. Be confused. It's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or dysphoric or whatever it is. Right?

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean. Yes. Gender. Dysphoria. You had someone on here that had yellow hair that said dysmorphia.

[B]

Great. Real tits.

[A]

Were they great because they wanted bigger nose?

[B]

No, one of them lifted because those things had gravity.

[A]

Okay. Interesting. Okay.

[B]

You could only dream.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

So 25 minimum payment with a balance of $2159.32. 13 years to pay off if we make minimum payments only. And I know you put more than that, but then you spend more, and then interest accrues. I think you just don't put enough towards it to actually pay it off like the way you think you do. And then interest accrues like crazy. And I know you spend money like crazy. I'm being told right now you bought four new outfits for this show.

[A]

I did.

[B]

For this filming.

[A]

I did.

[B]

We don't do multiple outfits. You wear one. I know you have never seen anyone change in the show's History.

[A]

I know. And it was just because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. And then you know what the best part is? And this is sarcasm. I'm not wearing any of the outfits that I bought. Why?

[B]

Why?

[A]

Why is this just what I thought I was gonna like when I put it on and I didn't see?

[B]

You spend uncontrollably. You got a hundred inch TV for your living room.

[A]

Yeah, you're.

[B]

What is wrong with you? You go absolutely crazy. You buy for your Instagram, for the holidays, for everything. And then this is on this credit card that is accruing interest like crazy. You are pages of spending. You're uncontrollable. Your financial life is a defined. I spent on my Apple cart and pay off. No, you don't, you dumb broad. I can say that. See, I'm being.

[A]

I'm being.

[B]

I'm being good.

[A]

Yeah, you're being.

[B]

I'm being a good guy.

[A]

You could say worse things too.

[B]

She's a broad. She's a. She's a. She's a. What are other woman names?

[A]

Keep going.

[B]

Slut. Hoer. Hoe.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

We got any.

[A]

You're missing the bangers for women. You're missing the obvious one for women. No.

[B]

Well, I'm doing the women thing because I'm. I'm being. I'm being appropriate to your Boo. Identification. There's another one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What is it? I don't know. I thought I was an expert in slurs. I say them in my sleep. What is the good slur?

[A]

I'm the one that you started off saying that you weren't gonna say.

[B]

Oh, I'm not gonna say the F word. I'm not rude like that.

[A]

Okay. Usually that's fine. Usually.

[B]

Because I don't say it to real ones. I just say it to my friends when they're acting like,

[A]

we did it. We got there. So proud of you. Great. Fantastic.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm so glad we got there.

[B]

But I would never call you that.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Just like I would never call Tyler. Boy. I would never. I would. I would never. I would never call Colton gay. No, I don't. You are, but I don't. It's still saying.

[A]

I know, it's terrible.

[B]

Starbucks. Starbucks. So you already work at a store. Just make your coffee at home. Make your. That one right there. The energy drink. You're not buying energy drinks anymore. If you buy energy drinks, you. Well, we already know you are, but that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gamer subs. You are getting gamer subs. Those are the free samples. You can get the free samples right now. Use code caleb@gamersups gg links in the description below. But also, it's 40 cents a serving. You're making it at home. You're making coffee at home. Why are you buying at Starbucks? It's so stupid. Starbucks. Starbucks. Southwest, Culver's, Chipotle, Pop Mart. Pop Mart. For what? Oh, you're Labu booing. You're boo booing. Why are you. You're past the trend. Labubu is done.

[A]

I know. This is not new.

[B]

Labubu's done. Transitioning's done. You're past the trend. That was all Covid girl. I know you're done.

[A]

How much Pop Mart's on there?

[B]

Well, there's one, and then Papa Murphy's and. Oh, Pop Mart. Pop Mart. Pop Mart. What are you doing? What is wrong with you? It is not funny. It is not cute. You're up your life. So what is wrong? You don't know how to manage your finances. You think you're not paying interest on here, but you are. And then you're spending a little boo booze every second of your life. Fuck Transla boobs.

[A]

Trans Laboobs.

[B]

Why you're throwing everything away for popmart? What the f is wrong with you?

[A]

I was originally given a bunch of Labuboos because I made fun of it with the people that I worked with. They gave it to me as a gift. And I was like, oh, no, I can't make fun of it. And then I got them stolen, so I had to rebuy them. A gift?

[B]

You didn't have to rebuy a gift. This is gone. The gift's gone.

[A]

I know I didn't and I wanted to have that still.

[B]

But don't you want to? First of all, you already took from your retirement. We need to get your retirement caught up. Because even if you're trans, you still got to retire.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

Like, you don't get to not retire anymore, right? I mean, I don't know. Minnesota might give you an endless, like, amount of money for the rest of your life because you're trans. Who knows? Maybe that'll happen at retirement.

[A]

But just hang out.

[B]

Let's rely that doesn't happen. Let's rely on that not happening. You need to retire. You pulled a retirement. You think you're going to popcorn every five seconds of your life. Which you are you. What's wrong with you? Starbucks again. Going in, getting some bullshit Amazon.

[A]

No Taquitos.

[B]

Whole other page. You're in Minnesota. They don't have taquitos. Starbucks. I don't know. I don't care.

[A]

Okay. I was like, what?

[B]

Nail spa? Let me see. Dude, that's rough. Is it?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

No, that's bad times.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Cause those are like gluons.

[A]

They're not. They're real. Oh, no.

[B]

You got scammed.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I can't tell my nail lady.

[B]

It's because you got the wrong minorities. See, we got the Asians here and they do it great. You went to the Somalians. Netflix, Amazon, Amazon, Kickoff, Inc.

[A]

Thank you to you.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Thanks to you.

[B]

Oh, it's Kickoff. Okay.

[A]

You use your code and everything.

[B]

Well, that's good. Apple Bill. I mean, it works.

[A]

It does.

[B]

Uber. Southside News. What is that? You pay for it. You better know what it is.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know what that is. Southside News, you dumb broad.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. What is wrong with you? You literally probably have a subscription to it every single month for nine bucks.

[A]

Is it then from New York?

[B]

I don't know how the would I know? What is wrong with you? How would I know that? I don't know. Uber?

[A]

Yeah, it sounds like Shelburne.

[B]

Solana. Oh, you went to New York?

[A]

New York, Yes.

[B]

Why'd you go to New York? You're trying to go to Afghanistan or something?

[A]

Afghan, Turkey?

[B]

One of those.

[A]

Yeah. I have to go to New York for a post op follow up doctor's appointment to observe? Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's part of the process. I mean, it's a follow up post episode.

[B]

Dude, you're telling me Minneapolis doesn't do trans surgeries? Out of all cities they do, but it's Minneapolis.

[A]

They do, but not where I went. I went to New York.

[B]

Well, I know that to get the

[A]

best of the best, shout out to nyu.

[B]

How much does that cost? Yes, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How much did that cost me? Oh, God.

[B]

But then you have the travel and food. Look what you're doing while you're there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I have no idea.

[B]

15Amazon Papa Murphy's Vidiq. You pay for Vidiq, you pay for Vidiq. Who the pays for Vidiq?

[A]

There's a guy that I was seeing that was helping me edit my videos when I was doing YouTube.

[B]

You were seeing him for his skills?

[A]

No, no, no. That was just on the side.

[B]

Let me see what this man looks like. I need to see what someone looks like that sticks it in.

[A]

I don't have.

[B]

You don't know who he is.

[A]

I blocked him.

[B]

I can pull him up, but I don't remember.

[A]

Like.

[B]

You don't know his name? You do not know the name of your ex.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Good. Give it to me.

[A]

But I don't know his Instagram.

[B]

Dude. It should just be his name.

[A]

No, no, it's not. No, no, no, no.

[B]

His name is not his name.

[A]

Not on Instagram.

[B]

Search his name. See if it exists. Search it. I know you can type, even with gluons.

[A]

Oh my gosh. That's so, so offended by that.

[B]

You should be offended that you paid so much for it.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it is expensive.

[B]

So you'd pick Brandon over me?

[A]

Yeah. Sorry. Damn.

[B]

I'm getting cooked.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

I'm getting cooked these days.

[A]

Can't find it.

[B]

Getting cooked.

[A]

I mean, you are attractive. No, especially. Oh God, thank you for having the beard back when you shaved that.

[B]

It was an accident.

[A]

That was. It wasn't on purpose. It was terrible.

[B]

We're delayed by a month. It was an accident. I trimmed wrong and then at that point I had to commit.

[A]

I mean, you didn't have to.

[B]

No, I had to.

[A]

Was it that bad?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Worse than being a baby face.

[B]

Well, the baby face only exists for a couple days. Goes away quick with stubble.

[A]

Okay, I wouldn't know more.

[B]

Pop Mart, Apple Bell, Apple Belt, Pop Mart, Dollar Tree. Not as good as dollar wise. You spend money there.

[A]

Tree. Oh my God.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I can't. I can't remember what that was for.

[B]

I don't trust you to remember anything. That's why I'm no longer asking questions. Okay, Amazon, Apple Bell, Total Wine and more. Is that why you're all up?

[A]

No, I promise.

[B]

Best Buy. Best Buy for Thanksgiving.

[A]

For Thanksgiving.

[B]

Best Buy was for Thanksgiving.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

You bought $2,000 wine. Okay, what about the 2,000 for Best Buy?

[A]

That was a TV.

[B]

Oh my goodness. Yeah, you can't afford that Apple bill. Pull up your phone. There is no one's photos folder. I'm gonna further avoid than yours to the Apple card. I'm going to snoop around on your phone. It's not your photos.

[A]

Okay, sorry. Sorry, freak.

[B]

Didn't mean that in the trans way. Don't cancel me.

[A]

Eh? I've been much worse.

[B]

No, I mean I don't care what people do. I really don't. People. Okay, here it is. I've never seen more subscriptions on someone's phone than this really? Really. Airbrush, catfish and everyone for $35 a month. What is wrong with you?

[A]

A month? No.

[B]

No. Okay, okay. You got annual, but still catfishing, everyone.

[A]

Social media. Social media.

[B]

Yeah, catfish. Apple tv. It is one of the better ones. You still can't probably afford it. And then you got Face App. More catfishing. You have to double catfish. What's wrong with you?

[A]

That's one of the reasons I'm hated by the trans. What the.

[B]

I use Gmail every second of my life. I don't pay for it, do I? Not on my phone, at least. You pay.

[A]

Is that annual too?

[B]

You got Grok icloud plus firing.

[A]

I didn't mean to.

[B]

Notably.

[A]

Yep, we're working.

[B]

You pay for X and Paramount plus out of all. Come on. Paramount plus sucks.

[A]

Why?

[B]

And you do have Hammerly. The best membership on YouTube. Number one for a reason. Because we got three premium, incredible, high quality shows posted every single day. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, including the post show for this episode. And you like it, right?

[A]

Oh, love it.

[B]

It's so good. We. We produce. It's.

[A]

This is why it's so gagged.

[B]

It's top tier. It is the absolute best. Yes, you're gagged, but I promise you will not be getting gagged. We'll hear with anything. I assume he doesn't want to. I think he gave a thumbs up for niceties. Oh, and then he got premium. Okay. Oh, my goodness. Look at you. You got 15 snaps to reply. How many people are you sliding in? Did you get people? Every second of your. Look at this. What are you doing?

[A]

Unpopular.

[B]

Okay, it's not there.

[A]

What were you. What? What were you looking up there?

[B]

Well, no, that's not downloaded either. Wait, where are you meeting people? Bumble? No. Yeah, no, you don't have anything downloaded. Not even Grindr.

[A]

Where are you meeting people in person?

[B]

Where? At protests.

[A]

Oh, God, no. I thought you knew me better by now.

[B]

Where. Where are you going to be?

[A]

Protests and Instagram.

[B]

Ah, now that she said it, I know. Oh, yeah. This fatty's trying to get in you, Adrian. You're not going to land that nut. Sorry, guy. Okay, but in person.

[A]

Where ever Wish you could find that one social media unicorn? That expert who can strategize, design and run ads, manage influencers, edit tiktoks, crush analytics, all while impressing the cmo. Sounds magical, right? Let's be real. Social media unicorns don't exist. But dedicated expertise does ignite social media. Gives you proven specialists who deliver results without burnout. Marketers love legends, but they invest in impact. Visit ignitesocialmedia.com and mention unicorn for a free consult. Just like out at bars and stuff.

[B]

Okay, so there's seven things. Oh, so they have to get drunk first.

[A]

No, no, no. I prefer. I said consent first.

[B]

I hope so. I know Minnesota and Wisconsin are drinking states. Okay, so you're sure in the cart you have some eye wearing.

[A]

Is that what that was? I was wondering what you were doing.

[B]

Yes, it's your sleep mask. And then ink cartridges. A very expensive desk. Oh, multiple desks. You're considering a lot. A 49 inch, like, triple wide monitor. It's kind of crazy.

[A]

It is. It is. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You're not buying this. Unless that's what you're prioritizing, but we just can't do the rest. Okay, you just ordered some ink, some pens, some. Something's being delivered today. They can't even figure that out. Utensil trays, gardening knee pads. I'm sure you get on your knees a lot. Sharpie, retractable, permanent markers and other computer. You just got a computer desk, literally, a couple weeks ago.

[A]

Yeah, that's for the living room.

[B]

Why are you looking for another? Why do you need a desk for your living room and bedroom?

[A]

Because one's for the gaming setup. No one's not.

[B]

I hate you. Laptop sleeve cover more. You get more pens than anyone I've ever.

[A]

It's for work

[B]

at the coffee shop. You just got a pop up from only.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's a posting reminder.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I gotta post it. Yeah.

[B]

Posted since it says 22 days. Yep, 22 days.

[A]

So I said I'm not. I'm not active. On it.

[B]

Okay. And then canceled. And HR Pharma. One shot, sterile lubrication. Something for what? What is that? That's what you have to. You have to inject that so that you cream.

[A]

Not inject it. It's. But you put it on the dilator and then.

[B]

So you don't get wet.

[A]

No, you do, but it's.

[B]

But you have to put something in there to get out.

[A]

Yeah, because it's a surgical equipment.

[B]

You don't get wet your body naturally.

[A]

Yes, it does.

[B]

What then what's this for?

[A]

But you need more. You need more lubrication. For sure. It's because it's a medical instrument.

[B]

So you don't get wet enough.

[A]

Not for a medical device.

[B]

Oh. Why are you getting so many of these? Because you got a couple.

[A]

I have to go through it.

[B]

For what? What is this?

[A]

So once you get the surgery down there, you have to dilate. Bottom surgery. Yeah, bottom surgery.

[B]

You have to dilate. How often?

[A]

Twice a day.

[B]

For why?

[A]

Forever? Yeah. To keep. No, not forever. No, no. For the first year. For the first year.

[B]

For what?

[A]

To keep the surgery from closing.

[B]

It'll close.

[A]

For the first year.

[B]

It'll close. Your vagina will close.

[A]

The body treats it like an open wound. For the first year.

[B]

Do you have a clit?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that was

[A]

the tip. Whoa. Yeah.

[B]

Whoa. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your tip is now your clit.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Definitely not as much sensation as a clip probably.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

No, not even close.

[A]

I can't speak to it.

[B]

Well, just nerve endings. It's not even close.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay, so who here is trying to slide in your DMs? Ryan. Is he?

[A]

No.

[B]

Ally?

[A]

No. These are all just friends from work.

[B]

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[A]

I don't. What?

[B]

Dw.

[A]

What?

[B]

Oh, let's see what DW said. So, fine. Where are you filming? Oh, my goodness. Dude, I'm telling you. Listen, if you want a hot guy, just Fuck position.

[A]

He is really cute.

[B]

Yeah. Colton would do so many bottoms. Wow.

[A]

Do so many bottoms.

[B]

Okay, I understand. Jeez. So are you sure you would be able to hold down a live stream? Because, again, you're kind of. You're not able to have a conversation.

[A]

I. I guess not. I thought I could.

[B]

No, sure. No, really. Have you listened to yourself? This conversation?

[A]

It seems. I. I've. I don't know. I feel like I've normally been able to do it.

[B]

Okay, so what did you Finance for $9,000 with a finance charge of additional $9,222.

[A]

I was at the upstart.

[B]

Is it. You tell me. Okay. What'd you do? Upstart?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Why? What? When? How? Please try.

[A]

Oh, God. That's back right before COVID I believe. During COVID Yeah.

[B]

No, 24. October 24th.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, a year and a couple months ago.

[A]

Gotcha. Yes. That one was to cover the other one that I had during COVID You

[B]

said it only cost a couple thousand dollars. But this is already nine.

[A]

Right, but I took out that one to cover what I had left of the other one.

[B]

Oh, what other one?

[A]

Other one that I had before.

[B]

Oh, the other upstart loan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You took out a $9,000 upstart loan to pay off an upstart loan?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're giving them endless interest forever.

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

You're paying for their entire company, their entire headquarters, funded by you?

[A]

Just me. Yes. It was to pay off Lasik and the credit card debt that I had before.

[B]

Why'd you have to do Lasik?

[A]

Cause I don't want our glasses.

[B]

You don't want. Exactly want. You didn't have to do that. What's more important, butt cheeks are Lasik.

[A]

Okay. Lasik was very important.

[B]

What, you're telling me that's not a valid question in this conversation.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah, it's true.

[A]

I wanted to not have to wear glasses because I can't do contacts.

[B]

Oh, that's why you did Lasik. Who would have thought?

[A]

Yeah. That's why it was Important.

[B]

Shut the up. I don't know what the balance on this now is because that interest is going to be accruing throughout. I don't know. I assume it hasn't gone anywhere. No, doubt it probably not. Plus a prepaid finance charge. So that principal became 10. I'll mark it at 9. I highly doubt it's that low yet, but it's a monthly payment of 304.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

30404.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah, that's gonna stack. And what was your original upstart for in 2021?

[A]

I'm being told in 2021, the original upstart I think was like 12, 000.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. What was it for? Oh, why'd you take it out?

[A]

I told you that's what it was for. The Lasik paying off mid. Yeah, the deb or not debit card.

[B]

I was at that time. Yes, it is.

[A]

It is spreading. Hopefully it doesn't go over there.

[B]

You're wearing old women perfume.

[A]

Oh, no. I'm so offended by that.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Oh. Do your parents support your lifestyle?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, that's good.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Why do you owe them $40,000? That's insanity. That is crazy. What the. That has to be one of the largest parent loans we've ever had, right? That's crazy. 40,000 for what?

[A]

They helped pay my first, like, breast augmentation.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Then you lied at the beginning of the conversation. You literally told me the surgeries out of pocket for you have only cost a few thousand dollars.

[A]

Yes, for the ones that I currently have right now.

[B]

But the ones before you had previous boobs.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What? And so you owe them $40,000 for boobs that don't even exist.

[A]

Okay, the $40,000 was all for that. That other part is student loans as well. So they paid off my student loans and then.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. You went to school for what?

[A]

Ah, good question. Music. Started vocal performance, like opera.

[B]

Realized that I played Maria was with actual training. That happened at a university.

[A]

Yeah, from a while ago.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. You totally not give me. Oh, my God. You should see my Instagram where it's actually like, I'm ready to sing.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, okay, whatever. Vocal performance. And then after that I went to live audio, like working on the stages and stuff. And then behind the scenes, were you mad music industry? Yeah, yeah. This is before I transitioned.

[B]

When did you transition?

[A]

2000 or 2019.

[B]

Okay, so you were on stage? Well, backpack, audio background. Yeah. Okay, good. Then.

[A]

So I went all around the music Department at school. Like every single thing you could do.

[B]

And did you graduate?

[A]

I did graduate.

[B]

Oh, and what?

[A]

Music education.

[B]

It was music education. You went to elementary school?

[A]

Yep. High school for a year before I transitioned.

[B]

But choir.

[A]

Choir. Ah, because you were a band.

[B]

The least interesting of all.

[A]

No, I loved choir.

[B]

Well, yeah. You're gay.

[A]

Yeah. But you like the band.

[B]

Which is why I thought I was bi. No, I'm not.

[A]

Because of band.

[B]

I like vagina. Regular ones.

[A]

You don't know that.

[B]

I don't know. I have an experience. I haven't experimented and my girlfriend doesn't have one, so I guess I won't.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

She just has the normal.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Vagina Classic, we call them.

[A]

No, just Vagina. Not a Neo Vagina.

[B]

Vagina Classic Natural. No, no monthly injections for that one.

[A]

Monthly? It's weekly.

[B]

Oh, you have to buy it twice a month. Okay. Okay. So the parents. Now this was years ago. Then. When did they do this? When did they give you the 40,000 hours? You person.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't years ago.

[B]

When was it then?

[A]

Just recently.

[B]

When was it? Please. Fees. Is there like a minimum monthly payment?

[A]

There will be, yeah.

[B]

What was that agreed on? When does it start? How much did you agree on it with them?

[A]

That hasn't been decided yet.

[B]

Then how can you say it's going to start quickly?

[A]

Because I told them I want to pay off my upstart loan first so I can put that money.

[B]

And did they agree? Yeah, but you're not rapidly paying off your upstart. In fact, a lot of your money has to go to the Apple card because you spend an endless amount of money on bullshit on your Apple card. Duh. Listen, I'll let you use the Fizz card. Debit card. That builds credit. Yeah. And whenever you decide to get a better paying job, which I mean, you actually do. Okay. I thought it was pretty good.

[A]

I just got promoted.

[B]

Well, yes, except you thought you made $1,500 less. Doesn't matter. I'll get you an accounting certification so you can actually look at your through course careers.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

Okay. It's good. It's good.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I'll also put you through our Master your money program. I know you signed up for one of the classes, but you get all the classes with it.

[A]

No, I signed up for the whole thing.

[B]

The Master your money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good. Well, we'll make sure the rest of it is for free.

[A]

And then right after. Thank you. Right after that is when I got.

[B]

Yeah. Make sure you're active in the community. A lot of people holding each other accountable. So make sure you do that. Listen, okay, so I. I don't even know what to put for a minimum payment there. You got kickoff. Okay, we talked about that. That's fine though. You just do that as the normal thing. But that's all you got? Just those three dads, Apple, upstart and parents? Nothing else?

[A]

No.

[B]

What's your car situation?

[A]

I paid it off.

[B]

You paid it off?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Why the are you with all this extra if you pay off a car? Well, wait, if you were good enough to pay off a car, why are you with all this other debt? Oh my goodness.

[A]

Part of the upstart was paying off the original upstart that paid off the car.

[B]

Oh, okay. Checking account. Oh my goodness. What is this? What is this Apple thing? What? What? The provisional credit. Provisional credit. What is this?

[A]

I got hacked. What? I got hacked so I had to cancel everything.

[B]

Oh my goodness. It was like. It was like a whole. Oh my goodness. They took so much money. I'm glad you got that reversed right from the size of it.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

We got it now, but it just doesn't look great on the.

[B]

Oh my goodness. And then Apple purchase. Apple purchase. Apple purchase. This is crazy. It was from them still, right? Yeah, yeah, all throughout. And something with meta pay. $1,499. Meta pay, exactly.

[A]

That was the main. That was the thing that tipped me off that I was getting hacked.

[B]

That's crazy. Okay. You went inside, got some bullshit. Culver's again. Netflix, Domino's, Starbucks. Starbucks. Stop with that, dude. Amazon, kfc. Amazon one month member something. Starbucks. Corbin's. Kfc. Fortnite. Yeah, we're really living it up Covid, aren't you?

[A]

Yeah. I thought I canceled that a while ago.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Haven't done it.

[B]

No. Apple bill. Apple bill, Starbucks. Going in and getting some energy drinks or some Starbucks again. Apple bill, Starbucks. Apple bill. Meta pay. Meta pay. Starbucks. Starbucks.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

None of them. Okay.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Well, those are a dollar each, so.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

Your Starbucks were multi dollars.

[A]

Multi dollars. Yes.

[B]

Apple bill and other Meta pay. Oh, there's is. That's that one. An Apple bill. Then Ven went out money. Ven went out money and zelling out money. Crazy. 5,000 in the savings. That's actually pretty good. But I mean, you have that instead of the. Well, okay, let me see your fidelity you pulled from your 401k. So what?

[A]

Not fidelity, though.

[B]

What was in your 401k? Cuz now you only have 1,700 for retirement.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Which at 32 is horrendous and disgusting and horribly behind in your.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

So how much do you have? How much did you pull out?

[A]

23.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

But it wasn't through Fidelity.

[B]

Okay. And then. Oh, you just also just blew 2,500 on your checking account. For what?

[A]

For the TV.

[B]

Oh, for moving. No, for moving.

[A]

Oh, the moving on top of it.

[B]

Oh, what did you do? Why does it cost so much money for people to move? What is wrong with you?

[A]

So what's expensive?

[B]

No, I have never. I have never spent even remotely that much money.

[A]

I had to.

[B]

And I have money I had to move from. And I move endlessly.

[A]

Fargo, North Dakota.

[B]

Oh, Fargo.

[A]

Minneapolis.

[B]

Huh. I moved from Kalamazoo, Michigan to Austin with like a couple hundred bucks. What the is wrong with you?

[A]

What did you bring?

[B]

I sold everything and packed up my sedan. Why'd you have to. Yeah, it would have been cheaper to just get some uche in a marketplace.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't sell anything. Yeah, no, my last.

[B]

What the. How could you afford that in your checking account?

[A]

Dude worked a lot overtime before that.

[B]

Did you? Cause your.

[A]

Before I got promoted.

[B]

Okay. Cause your salary now.

[A]

Yeah. Yep. That's why I moved. Cause I got promoted.

[B]

That's why you moved. It's not cause you were forced out of the. When did you leave that teacher job?

[A]

Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. 20, 23.

[B]

Okay, that wasn't that long ago. How'd you have to think about it that hard? Okay, so why'd you leave? I mean, you said you were forced to leave.

[A]

Yeah, I left because I didn't want to be monitored. Like, if I wasn't able to do my job as a teacher and like, have that be enough, but maybe it

[B]

would have blown over the controversy.

[A]

No, because I was literally called down to the principal's office.

[B]

They told you to stop.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stop posting. Lose. You're a teacher. You know you're a teacher. You're the day. Yes, but stop posting it. If that's the rules. Really? Why was that? Why is you posting titties online more important?

[A]

Because that was something that was making money off as well.

[B]

Huh. Making your what?

[A]

I was making money off that as well.

[B]

Oh, come on. Was it comparable? Then where's that money today?

[A]

Yeah, good question.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Spent it.

[B]

So did you quit at the end of a school year?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank goodness.

[A]

I wouldn't leave in the middle.

[B]

Well, I don't know. With you. I don't Know.

[A]

So another reason that I left Fargo was cause of the roommate situation that I was in.

[B]

The roommate situation. What was that?

[A]

It was.

[B]

What, an anti trans.

[A]

No, it was a trans person.

[B]

Okay, so you guys were transing it up, touching fake clits.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Ugh.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

You're the one with one. I don't know. I'm not disgusting by it.

[A]

I was the one. My roommate was an older person that transitioned. Older? Like, is this.

[B]

Are we ageist?

[A]

No, but I'm just telling you the situation.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I put them through tranny boot camp, essentially.

[B]

What?

[A]

Oh, tranny boot camp.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cause nobody was there.

[B]

I'm also sure the parents of the school loves that you have a camp.

[A]

Well, but that was afterwards.

[B]

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[A]

So they. I had no one when I transitioned, so I wanted to try to feed that person for somebody.

[B]

And.

[A]

And long story short, they ended up falling in love with me.

[B]

Okay, well, tell them no.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Okay. There you go. What? How old were they? How old are you?

[A]

63. Damn.

[B]

And how old are you?

[A]

32.

[B]

Why are you roommates with them? Weirdo.

[A]

To help them. I needed a roommate and they needed a roommate as well.

[B]

What a mistake it was. Okay, so what happened then that you had to emergency spend 2,500 to move?

[A]

Well, that and the manager.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

They were very protective. Overprotective of me, weirdly, like. And jealous of guys that I would hang out with. They were guys. What?

[B]

That you would.

[A]

Oh, yes. Hang out with?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You.

[B]

You are not smart.

[A]

And to the point where, like, they got very, very violent and.

[B]

But in what way? To who? And how?

[A]

To me.

[B]

So they were protecting you, so they hit you?

[A]

No, to, like, the guys. The straight men? Yeah, essentially.

[B]

But the guys you would fight the straight men?

[A]

No, they wouldn't actually fight the straight men.

[B]

What Are you saying. You said they got violent?

[A]

Yes, they did get violent. They did get violent. They had a gun, so that made me very uncomfortable.

[B]

Did they shoot someone?

[A]

No.

[B]

Where's the violence?

[A]

They had one. They, like. They, like, threatened to.

[B]

They threatened to shoot you?

[A]

Not me, the guys.

[B]

Did he threaten the guys? Yes, he threatened them. He said, I will shoot you.

[A]

Yeah, I will kill you.

[B]

Okay, there it is. That is bad. That is bad.

[A]

Yeah. So I was on the.

[B]

I understand wanting to move from that.

[A]

Well, it just. I didn't want to be with someone that was, like, in love with me in that weird way.

[B]

Well, yeah, that's weird. But also, if you set your boundary and they're like, chill with it, it should be okay.

[A]

They're not chilling.

[B]

They're not with it.

[A]

There was no boundary injuries. That was the problem.

[B]

Yes, I agree. Did you guys.

[A]

God, no.

[B]

Okay. Did you see it?

[A]

No.

[B]

You never saw it?

[A]

No.

[B]

He was in love with you, and he never tried to manipulate that. Okay, that's good. He. Well, he tried, but he didn't.

[A]

Like. He did.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

But I was like, good.

[B]

Yes. Put your. Put your. Draw your line. That's good. Always draw a line. No, we like that. You can advocate for yourself these days.

[A]

Yeah, I need to get out of that situation. Plus us getting.

[B]

Oh, you had to call the cops on him.

[A]

Almost.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, almost.

[A]

And that was the point where I was like, okay, this needs to change.

[B]

All right, let's make you a budget. Okay. I mean, what's. What's your rent?

[A]

1650.

[B]

1650, you said? Internet, gas, electric utilities are all included in that.

[A]

Yep. In garage.

[B]

Okay, well, I wasn't. Okay, part of it. $25 for the Apple Card and $304.04 for the upstart. No minimum payments to the parents yet, so that makes your debt. Minimum monthly payments. $329.04. Okay. Vroom, vroom. Drive, drive. Gasoline to run over the protesters. How much? 20 bucks a month. You live right next to the coffee shop.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Literally?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And it's a Prius.

[B]

I'm not gonna say the word. I'm not gonna call you one. Car insurance, how much?

[A]

75.

[B]

What? That's incredible.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Phone bill.

[A]

110.

[B]

Ah, there it is. You owe on your phone.

[A]

I mean, it's. I have the.

[B]

You owe on your phone.

[A]

Apple upgrade program.

[B]

Okay. I would do helium anyway. It's like 15 bucks a month, and T Mobile has to be good.

[A]

Can that work? Yes, with an upgrade. Apple upgrade.

[B]

Well, you just have to get off that program.

[A]

That's the problem.

[B]

Why is your under nose wet? This entire conversation. Does it just drain with all the things you've done?

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

Does it?

[A]

No, I think it's makeup. Huh? I think it happens sometimes with makeup.

[B]

Okay, well, you're not sniffing.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Groceries, 300 bucks a month. Use the meal plan and the cookbook and all that good stuff that I master.

[A]

Your money that I have. That's exactly digital.

[B]

Anything else you need to survive? I'm gonna make you 175 instead of 100 because you need extra things.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You don't need tampons, though.

[A]

No.

[B]

Which is nice.

[A]

Nope. I don't even need to perform it, if that.

[B]

Okay. Do something.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's a thing.

[B]

Okay. Medical health care. CO pays on a monthly basis. Come on. I know you got. Come on. You don't have medication to take.

[A]

Yeah, but it's not a monthly thing.

[B]

You don't have co pays.

[A]

It's every three months.

[B]

How much for that?

[A]

$75.

[B]

Okay. I'll put like 30 bucks. 25 bucks. You have a gym?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Subscriptions? I'll put in 50. You have any pets?

[A]

Nope.

[B]

That's good. You're not playing on it, are you?

[A]

No.

[B]

That's good. Anything else I need to put in this budget?

[A]

You put turnouts.

[B]

Pretty. It's pretty lean, which is great. Honestly, I don't know how you're.

[A]

But what I mean, spending habits is what's it up.

[B]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

And the fact that I overspent by that much. I'm so gagged.

[B]

Nope, it's not happening. Okay. Needed to survive on a monthly basis. $2,734.04. You make five. You shouldn't have to take out money from your parents. You have an extra $2,200 on a monthly basis. Give you 200 for fun. You have 2,000 hours left on a monthly basis. Apple's paid off in a month. Don't use it again. You can use the VIS card. What is wrong with you? Okay. Upstart is paid off in about four.

[A]

Four months.

[B]

Yeah, dude. Because you actually have money, even with spending 400 on fun. Then with your $2,350 you have left on a monthly basis at that point. You say 300 at that point. Takes a year and a quarter to pay off your parents. This is all done in a year and three quarters, two years max. Then you get a fully funded emergency fund, and then you start contributing to retirement again, maybe 50. 25. 25. 50 on living, 25 for fun, 25 for investing and you have a great life. Okay, we have a lot of crazy things to talk about in the post show and a lot of crazy things are going to happen in the post show. You can already tell Brandon. Get ready. Get the hands ready for squeezing.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Join Hammer Leap. I'm going to get the Hammer Financial Score done first and then make sure you click that join button for Hammer Elite. Best membership on YouTube number one three shows a day, six days a week. Spending your budget. You overspend. 010 debt. It's not the worst, but the parent loan kind of sucks. But I'll say 2 out of 10 parent loan brings it down. Emergency fund and the upstart is pretty brutal as well. Emergency fund is about a 3 out of 10 retirement not good. 1 out of 10 real estate 0 out of 10. You shouldn't have said you're a 0 with that little bit of savings you had. That doesn't really make sense. Hammer financial score 1.5 out of 10. Get yours@caleb hammer.com now join us for an extra 20 minutes in the Hammer or in the Financial Auto Post show. See you there. You gotta call your parents. It is time to own up. You gotta own the up for your mistakes. Call them now.

[A]

When were we planning on starting that repayment?

[B]

I mentioned it a couple times. I don't know. Maybe dad has too.

[A]

I think I would be able to pay it back in.

[B]

Hey guys, don't forget about FreeCash. Linked in the description and pinned comment below.

[A]

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