Podcast Summary: "Most Batsh*t Insane Woman I’ve Ever Met | Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer"

Date: September 8, 2025
Host: Caleb Hammer
Guest: "Apricot" (Pseudonym), 31, Santa Clarita, CA / Lake Havasu, AZ

Overview

This episode of Financial Audit features a wildly unpredictable, at times surreal conversation between host Caleb Hammer and “Apricot”, a 31-year-old gig worker and aspiring author living (sort of) in Lake Havasu, AZ. Caleb attempts to untangle her story, finances, and eccentric worldview, resulting in a rollercoaster of financial dysfunction, romantic entanglement with multiple felons, self-deprecation, and a record-low Hammer Financial Score.

Themes explored include generational caretaking, avoidance and escapism, failed influencer ambitions, impulsive spending, familial strain, and a persistent disconnection from financial reality.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Who Is "Apricot?" – Origins & Caretaking Claims

• Apricot is ostensibly from Santa Clarita, CA but currently resides in Lake Havasu, AZ, caring for her elderly grandparents.
• She juggles gig economy work: DoorDash, Uber Eats, Grubhub, Instacart.
• Claims caring for grandparents prevents her from holding regular jobs, yet admits to frequent travel to CA for her hospitalized father.
• Caleb Challenges Reality:

  “You moved from Santa Clarita to this?… You’re 31, living in a literal nothing town, in the middle of nowhere, for this?” (04:12)

2. The Gig Economy as Temporary Survival

• Prefers the flexibility for her "caretaking" (which becomes increasingly suspect).
• Admits to disliking structured work, aspiring instead to social media fame or a writing career (“starving artist”).

3. Nihilism, Procrastination, and Big Dreams

• Admits to procrastination, lack of ambition, and “doom-pilled” thinking:

  “I have a big problem with procrastination.” (07:25)

• Wants to be an author, YouTuber, podcaster, etc.—but has published nothing.
• Currently pursuing an English BA, with earlier associates in English & Psychology, all funded by loans and FAFSA (08:45).
• Admits to failed classes despite wanting structure:

  “Even in structure… oh, she’s failing.” (10:40)

4. Financial Illiteracy & Family Apathy

• Living Situation: Shares a house (actually a closet) with her wheelchair-bound grandma; claims to pay a nominal rent (which grandparents largely return as gas money).
• Admission: “I sleep on the floor in their closet… It is detrimental to my overall health.” (21:01)
• Family Strife: Estrangement from siblings—blocked by sister who calls her “snake in the grass.”
• Caleb: “Have you ever been an adult in your life?” (21:29)
• Historical pattern: Quits jobs, moves around, falls back on family, cycles through caretaking roles.

5. Romance with Reoffending Felons

• Boyfriend: 20 years old, currently incarcerated, prior convictions in multiple states, on/off relationship, met working at a fast-food restaurant.
• Sends ~$200/mo to support him in jail; uses Apple Cash, CashApp.
• Relationship is ambiguous—she reveals he “didn't call me his girlfriend until prison.”
• Caleb: “You want a convict from multiple states to be in your life forever? He is going to drag you down. Do you not see?” (00:35, restated at 38:42)

6. Absurdist Writing Aspirations

• “Reads” her writing/diary excerpt about taking her phone to the bathroom—Caleb and producers note it reads as “13-year old girl” writing (16:04).
• Entire ambition is unsubstantiated; neither real output nor plan.

7. Debt Disaster Unveiled

• Total Debt: $46,000 (mix of student loans, credit cards, collections, car debt).
• Admission to PayPal scam with ex-boyfriend; banned from multiple buy-now-pay-later services (Afterpay, Klarna).
• Spending Habits: Outspends income by 2x every month; impulse buys like Apple products, luggage, beauty care, Amazon bingeing.
• Claims “most” purchases are for grandparents or returned; evidence suggests otherwise.
• Caleb:

  “Who do you think you are spending that kind of money? That is disgusting.” (71:45)

• Zero budgeting or financial tracking; consistent overdrafting.
• Avoids/ignores monthly payments, lets everything go into collections, then attempts to rationalize.

8. Hopelessness, Contradictions, and Escapism

• Maintains that “tomorrow isn’t guaranteed”, justifies hedonistic spending and stagnation:

  “I'm stuck in this mindset of like ‘tomorrow is never guaranteed.’” (61:06)

• Professes desire to change—yet refuses to compromise on English degree, influencer aspirations, or returning to work.
• Admits to deep avoidance, wanting “structure” but dropping out, failing, or ghosting all prior opportunities.

9. Personal Relationships & Identity

• Seeks validation via relationships, creative recognition, and family approval.
• Designs her own drama—her life is “movie-worthy”, yet self-defeating.
• Relies on astrology, manifestation, and cosmic excuses (dismissed as “the ick” regarding budgeting).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Living in a Closet:
  Apricot: “I sleep on the floor in their closet.” (21:01)

• On Her Romantic Life:
  Caleb: “You want a convict from multiple states to be in your life forever?... He is going to drag you down. Do you not see?” (00:35 / 38:42)
  Apricot: “My boyfriend is in jail.” (00:33)

• On Career Ambitions:
  Caleb: “You want to be an author… How do you become an author if you’ve never authored?” (07:17)

• On Writing Output:
  Apricot: “This is like my mind and diary... This is just random stuff. I don't even know who wrote this...” (15:02)

• On Family Dynamics:
  Caleb: “Your entire plan out of this is to either be a writer or a YouTuber or a podcaster or a singer, or do psychology reviews—but haven’t posted anything.” (31:17)
  Producer: “It gives 13-year-old girl.” (16:04)

• On Her Finances:
  Caleb: “You have a lot of debt. How much of it goes into prison at this point?” (22:27)

• On Evasion, Excuse & Nihilism:
  Apricot: “I think there’s like almost like a nihilistic point of view where I’m like, what is the point of anything?” (06:24)
  Caleb: “You are a complete, complete failure. I’m call it as I see it.” (81:42)

• On Self-Realization:
  Apricot: “I’d like to stop living like that because I feel like in my 20s, I didn’t grasp the concept that, like, you make your own bed and you actually have to lie in it.” (53:04)

• On Structure/College:
  Caleb: “Why can’t it be in something that would get you a job? You can be a writer without an English degree.” (09:45)

• Final Hammer Financial Score:
  Caleb: "Hammer Financial Score: 0.5 out of 10." (93:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:07] — Apricot reveals real living location (Lake Havasu, AZ)
• [04:28] — Moves for grandparents, family responsibilities explained (critique begins)
• [06:24] — On nihilism and motivation collapse
• [07:06] — Aspirations to be an author unsubstantiated
• [09:36] — English BA, student loan debt mounting
• [14:32] — Slam poetry/“writing” showcase
• [20:59] — Living in a closet described
• [21:31] — Caleb questions her adulthood, history of moving
• [30:30] — Family relationships detailed: blocked by sister, called "snake in the grass"
• [38:42] — Prison romance, doubts about future
• [40:31] — On survival mode (Caleb: “You’re not in survival mode…”)
• [46:07 onward] — Deep dive into credit card, Amazon bingeing, endless debt (throughout 46:00–81:00)
• [52:00] — PayPal scam history revealed
• [61:06] — Hedonism, “live for today”
• [93:30] — Hammer Financial Score delivered

Tone & Style

• Caleb is characteristically blunt, sardonic, and exasperated, veering between comedy and genuine frustration.
• “Apricot” is bizarrely open, self-sabotaging, often self-effacing, and vacillates between candor and evasiveness.
• The atmosphere shifts rapidly: absurdist comedy, bleak realism, and the surreal, with constant interjections from producers.

Conclusion: For Listeners

This episode offers a tragicomic masterclass in financial self-destruction, avoidance, and the pitfalls of persistent magical thinking. While Caleb attempts to coach "Apricot" toward actionable change (suggesting call-center work, accounting certification), she remains paralyzed by indecision and denial, resulting in one of his harshest assessments to date.
There is not just a lack of a financial plan, but a core unwillingness to engage with reality—underscored by her “movie-worthy” romantic life, closet living, and debt-funded escapism.

Quote to Remember:

Caleb: “You are a complete, complete failure. I’m call it as I see it... Hammer Financial Score: 0.5 out of 10.” (81:42, 93:30)

For anyone feeling lost, overwhelmed, or tempted to avoid reality—this is a cautionary (and at times hilarious) tale of what happens when you double down on avoidance, magical thinking, and endless deferment, both financial and personal.