Financial Audit

Episode: The First LGBT Divorce On Financial Audit

Host: Caleb Hammer

Guests: Trisha (22, Ultrasound Tech) & Carrie (32, Sous Chef) - San Antonio

Date: September 3, 2025

Overview

This episode features Trisha and Carrie, a newlywed lesbian couple from San Antonio with a significant age gap (10 years), as they undergo a financial audit with Caleb Hammer. They candidly explore their $130k+ debt, current financial behaviors, communication issues, aspirations to start a family (via IVF), and the legacy of previous relationships and family dynamics. The episode delves into the emotional and practical realities of combining finances, tackling debt, and planning for a future together in the wake of an LGBT divorce and challenging upbringings.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Couple & Their Income

• Introduction & Background

  • Trisha: 22, mobile ultrasound tech, earns $24/hr, 40–50 hrs/week, $4,000/month take-home.
  • Carrie: 32, sous chef, $50k/year (~$3,150/month take-home).
  • Dual-income household: ~$7,100/month.

• Debt Burden & Living Situation

  • $133,734.81 in total debt, with a breakdown coming through the episode (credit cards, car loans, student loans, store cards).
  • Renting a townhouse, five dogs are a notable part of lifestyle and expenses.

"We're surviving. We're getting there." — Trisha (02:58)

2. Relationship & Family Planning Dynamics

• Rapid Marriage & Age Gap

  • Married one month ago, dated for 2.5 years. Age gap noted (32/22).
  • Discussion on feeling rushed ("I wouldn't say that I felt rushed, but... did feel like it was in times two speed." — Trisha, 24:55).
  • Both acknowledge "playing catch-up" in different ways due to age and life stages.
  • Past relationships: Trisha was previously married to a man at 19, divorced in less than a year.

• IVF & Who Will Carry the Child

  • Want children soon, prefer three. Carrie (older) wants to try carrying first: "I would like to try first...because I'm older." (07:09)
  • Disagreement exists but not conflict; biological readiness and finances play roles.

"I'm trying to push it as much as I can right now so she doesn't end up 32 and $133k in debt like me." — Carrie (13:10)

"Instead of me succeeding you, why don't we meet in the middle and start succeeding together?" — Trisha (14:14)

3. Communication Issues & Money Habits

• Habitual Overspending & Lack of Accountability

  • Both admit to not budgeting, and having separate finances until just two weeks prior.
  • Frequent Amazon purchases, impulsive spending, and lack of monthly financial discussions.
  • Both guests have struggles with self-control and mutual accountability, especially on nonessentials.

• Notable Quotes:

  • "Whenever I get home and there's Amazon packages...it's a little, kind of like out of left field." — Carrie (11:02)
  • "I think the conversations include her saying, 'hey we should get our finances taken care of,' and I'm like, 'yeah.' And then I just keep doing exactly what I was doing before." — Trisha (09:57)

Memorable Exchange:

• Caleb: "So, fresh into a marriage and we don't communicate solid." (20:37)

• Trisha: "Yup. 10 out of 10." (20:40)

• Joint Finances

  • Now depositing both paychecks into one account but only recently started.
  • Discrepancy in awareness of actual spending (one estimates $7k/mo, other $9k/mo).

4. Debt Breakdown & Trouble Spots

• Credit Card & Store Debt

  • Multiple credit cards/store cards, often maxed or over limit:
    • Kay Jewelers (wedding rings): $5,172.91, large deferred interest hit. (26:32)
    • Home Depot: Washer/dryer purchase, $1,505 balance. (34:27)
    • Big Lots: Recent couch, deferred interest hit.
    • American Eagle: $334 for jeans (often unworn).
    • Discover: Over the limit, purchases continue even while maxed.

• Vehicle Loans

  • Trisha’s Honda HRV, $21.5k (5.54%): Co-signed with her ex-husband, creating risk and stress. (77:36)
  • Carrie’s nearly paid-off Jeep, $9.3k (8%).

• Student Loans

  • Trisha: $29k, missed payments have tanked her credit (474 score). Now on income-based plan. (81:03)
  • Carrie: ~$50k from various studies; not paying due to current school enrollment.

• Collections

  • Trisha has a past apartment lease in collections.
  • Carrie has possible engagement ring collections issue pending.

• Late Fees & No Autopay

  • Frequent late fees on nearly every card.
  • Neither uses autopay—Carrie: "Something about it makes me anxious." (39:09)

"You have reasonable aura in this conversation, but then you don't put in anything." — Caleb (48:05)

5. Spending Triggers & Lifestyle Choices

• Eating Out & Convenience Purchases

  • Over $900/month spent eating out; "snacks and Red Bulls" a huge recurring expense.
  • Excuses include inconvenience of meal prepping, irregular schedules, and "seeing something shiny."

• Hobby Spending

  • Plant collections ("little collections"), impulse buys, multiple lunchboxes.

• Dog Expenses

  • $280/month on dog food for five dogs. No pet insurance. (83:43)

• Subscription & Miscellaneous Spending

  • Netflix, multiple streaming services, podcasts, "Try Guys," Heart Starts Pounding, etc.
  • Overdraft fees have occurred on checking.

• No Emergency Fund, Retirement, or Health Insurance

  • $1,000 in savings max; "acorns" app with $10.
  • No active retirement planning.
  • Neither has health insurance; can't afford/is waiting for employer enrollment. (91:36–91:46)

6. Family & Upbringing Influence

• Trisha’s parents: Homesteader, biblical, not supportive (of her divorce or sexuality).
• Carrie's family not discussed in much detail.
• Both want to break family money habits, though Trisha acknowledges her parents are "financially successful" (33:37).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"We're both irresponsible on this. Like, you wouldn't communicate about it and then you just let it go. Like, I don't know what to do." — Caleb (29:29)

"I know this is a partnership, but I want her to do better than me, so she's not..." — Carrie (15:33)

"In my mind, if I have it in my checking account after I pay for it, then I can afford it." — Carrie (86:42)

"If someone does three puffs of meth a day and you do one, doesn't make you good." — Caleb (71:19)

Key Segment Timestamps

• 00:30 – Start financial audit, discuss relationship, age gap, and finances
• 02:56 – Income & debt revelation
• 05:00 – IVF and who will carry child
• 07:54 – Trisha’s past marriage & divorce
• 09:38 – Money communication struggles
• 11:02 – Amazon/package spending issues
• 13:34 – Age gap & attitudes toward money and catching up
• 16:11 – Family planning (number of kids, IVF)
• 18:12 – No budget, failure to track spending
• 19:52 – Monthly overspending, big events
• 24:41 – Did Carrie rush Trisha into marriage?
• 26:32 – Kay Jewelers deferred interest drama
• 29:29 – Apprehension about financial accountability
• 34:27 – Home Depot card, plant collections
• 39:09 – Aversion to autopay
• 47:21 – Trisha’s credit score exposed (474)
• 50:04 – Lunchboxes, food spending, and convenience
• 59:02 – "Important bills" vs. "credit bills"
• 62:02 – Why so many dogs?
• 65:49 – On sexual orientation, family rejection
• 70:02 – Poor budgeting, food/energy drink spending
• 83:43 – Student loans, Carrie's school plans, upcoming breadwinner shift
• 91:36 – No health insurance, medical cost stress
• 93:24 – Budget summary: They could get debt-free in two to three years if disciplined
• 94:25 – Final Hammer Financial Score: 0.5 out of 10

Host's Assessment & Advice

• Primary Diagnosis

  • They make enough income but are sabotaged by uncoordinated spending, lack of budgeting, and no financial guardrails.
  • "This is just a budget situation... Just buckle down. If you guys budget, pay goes up, stick to your means... you’re out of debt." (93:24)

• Action Steps Suggested

  • Track spending TOGETHER monthly.
  • Use a budgeting app; get education (Dollarwise Central plug).
  • Prioritize debt pay-down — avoid new debt.
  • Get on autopay to avoid late fees.
  • Secure both health and pet insurance ASAP.
  • Realign priorities toward long-term goals: IVF, homeownership, family stability.

Conclusion

Trisha and Carrie embody financial habits and emotional patterns that are extremely common among young (and not-so-young) couples in America: income that's "good on paper" goes up in smoke thanks to lack of planning, separate financial worlds, impulse spending, and avoidance of tough talks.

The episode is a wake-up call for anyone living paycheck to paycheck despite solid income—and especially for couples who want to start a family but aren't prepared to support themselves or a child. As Caleb repeatedly points out, their issues are fixable with planning, communication, and a willingness to confront hard truths.

Final Hammer Financial Score:
"You guys are 0/10 for spending, 0/10 for collections, 1/10 for emergency fund, 0/10 for retirement, 0/10 for real estate. Rounded up: 0.5 out of 10." — Caleb Hammer (94:25)

If you haven't listened, this summary covers all the tension, the humor, the hard truths, and some tender realities behind starting over (with love and debt) as a couple in 2025 America.