Our inspiring podcast guest today, Scott Tillema, is an award-winning keynote speaker and negotiation expert who helps leaders navigate difficult conversations with confidence, influence, and trust. Drawing on more than 20 years in law enforcement, including his work as an FBI-trained hostage negotiator and a business negotiator trained through the Harvard University Program on Negotiation, Scott brings rare, real-world insight into what it takes to lead effectively in high-stakes moments. His work focuses on showing leaders how to connect first, influence second, and create outcomes that move people and businesses forward. In this episode, Scott unpacks the psychology behind negotiation and human connection through four key factors: understanding, timing, delivery, and respect. He shares how his early life, career in law enforcement, and deep study of human behavior shaped his approach, why judgment blocks connection, and how problem-solving can sometimes stand in the way of true empathy.

We also explore what bad leadership can teach us, why influence is a learnable skill, and why we should never forget that connection is at the very heart of influence. Join us for an eye-opening conversation about how to harness the influence you may not even know you have to change the world for the better.

Key Highlights From This Episode:

Scott's beginnings in hostage negotiations from studying psychology and working in law enforcement. [04:45]
How his childhood and early adult experiences shaped his curiosity about what drives people. [06:53]
How judgment acts as a barrier to connection and ultimately negotiation. [11:20]
Four factors of negotiation: understanding, timing, delivery, and respect. [17:03]
Why it is truly possible for anyone to become a strong verbal influencer. [21:32]
What we can learn from bad leadership and the mistakes they make along the way. [26:12]
Why problem-solving creates a barrier to true empathy. [31:02]
A final word of encouragement about the influence you might not know you have. [44:55]

For More Information:

Scott Tillema Scott Tillema on Instagram Scott Tillema on LinkedIn

Scott Tillema on YouTube

Links Mentioned in Today's Episode:

Scott Tillema's TEDx Talk The 7 Habits of Highly Effective PeopleAlison Fragale's episode on Finding Brave Alison Fragale's book, Likeable Badass

———————

READY FOR A HUGE SHIFT TO ACHIEVE MORE SUCCESS, IMPACT, AND FULFILLMENT IN YOUR CAREER?

Work with Kathy and get hands-on, transformative CAREER & LEADERSHIP GROWTH COACHING SUPPORT today!

Join me today in one of my top-requested career and leadership growth 1:1 coaching programs and take 20% off the price this week as a valued Finding Brave listener, with coupon code 'FBRAVE20 as my thank-you for tuning in!

Visit my Career Help page, or click the links below for more information and to register today and save 20%:

– Jumpstart Your Career Success (3 sessions)

– Career & Leadership Breakthrough program (6 sessions)

– Build Your Confidence, Success and Impact (10 sessions)

———————

GOT A BURNING CAREER OR PROFESSIONAL GROWTH QUESTION? Ask me on Hubble

I'm thrilled to join the Hubble Expert Advisory group, a space for thoughtful conversations and honest advice on life, work, business, and career challenges.

I often hear from people worldwide seeking guidance on careers, leadership, personal growth, and making a bigger impact. Now, connecting and answering your questions is easier than ever—Hubble lets you book a one-off call or recurring sessions with me.

Book a call with me today via Hubble - I'd love to support your top goals: https://app.hubble.social/kathycaprino

———————

Order Kathy's book The Most Powerful You today!

In Australia and New Zealand, click here to order, elsewhere outside North America, click here, and in the UK, click here.

If you enjoy the book, we'd so appreciate your giving the book a positive rating and review on Amazon! And check out Kathy's digital companion course The Most Powerful You, to help you close the 7 most damaging power gaps in the most effective way possible.

Kathy's Power Gaps Survey, Support To Build Your LinkedIn Profile To Great Success & Other Free Resources

Kathy's TEDx Talk, Time To Brave Up & Free Career Path Self-Assessment

Kathy's Amazing Career Project video training course & 6 Dominant Action Styles Quiz

———————

Sponsor Highlight

I'm thrilled that both Audible.com and Amazon Music are sponsors of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offers and free trials today!

Audible Offer

Amazon Music Offer

Quotes:

"Crisis isn't reserved for the SWAT team. We're all experiencing this in our teams, in our organizations, in our families. So these techniques and structures that I've learned in these life or death conversations are so needed and so interesting to people outside of the law enforcement lane." — Scott Tillema [0:06:03]

"Influence begins with connection and connection begins with a dialogue, and the block to dialogue and the block to connection is judgment." — Scott Tillema [0:11:25]

"So often we think about what we're going to say, and if we're really elite we think about how we're going to say it, but rarely does anybody give consideration to the right time to deliver the message." — Scott Tillema [0:17:50] "We all have the power to be incredible verbal influencers." — Scott Tillema [0:22:51] "The enemy of empathy is problem-solving." — Scott Tillema [0:32:16]

"Leadership is going to take courage." — Scott Tillema [0:35:42]

Watch our Finding Brave episodes on YouTube!

Don't forget – you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my YouTube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show!

323: How to Negotiate Success in Your Work, Relationships and Career with Scott Tillema