Caught | 3

Summary

Fire Escape - Episode: Caught | 3 Release Date: December 9, 2024
Host: Anna Sussman, Snap Studios at KQED

---

Introduction

In the third episode of Fire Escape, titled "Caught," host Anna Sussman delves deeper into the harrowing journey of Amika Mota—a young mother, midwife, and daughter of a feminist icon—whose life takes a dramatic turn after a fatal crash leads to her incarceration. This episode explores Amika's transformation from a prisoner to a firefighter within an all-female crew of incarcerated firefighters, highlighting the challenges and emotional turmoil she faces along the way.

---

Amika's Transition to Firefighter

After six years in prison, Amika awaits a life-changing moment. At [00:00], Anna sets the scene:

“After six years in prison, Amika waited on the edge of her bed. She had a small bag of her belongings. And then the prison fire captain came in with two other fire girls and they walked her out of a door in the back of the prison.”

At [00:49], Amika recounts her intense departure from prison:

“And so, you know, we jump in this fire truck and drive out the gates of the prison. And that was, that was a pretty intense moment because I hadn't left the walls, I haven't gone past the barbed wire.”

Upon arriving at the fire station—a modest one-story brick building—Amika is introduced to the rigors of firefighter training. Captain Rodriguez oversees her initial assessments, ensuring her gear fits properly to maintain professionalism and safety. Laquisha, a fellow firegirl, shares insights into the meticulous process of donning turnout gear:

“They don't want them to be too tight and revealing... just a little bit baggy.” ([01:54])

Amika’s first physical test involves carrying a 25-pound hose attachment along with her 50 pounds of gear, aiming to complete seven laps around the firehouse. Successfully accomplishing this feat earns her the respect and cheers of her peers:

“I just knew that I had just taken, like, a step into a whole new little piece of my life in prison... I felt proud.” ([03:43])

---

A New Environment and Growing Tensions

Amika describes the stark contrast between the prison environment and the firehouse:

“I have trees and flowers and a window, actually, in the quarters where you could hear animals and birds... this whole environment changed in an instant.” ([04:16])

Despite these positive changes, the firehouse is not without its challenges. The presence of amenities like refrigerators and real beds symbolizes a semblance of freedom, yet strict regulations persist:

“We were not free... counted in, flashlights checked on, you know, like every night.” ([05:21])

Captain Lott warns Amika about maintaining connections with friends inside the prison, emphasizing the consequences of any missteps:

“If they caught her connecting with her friend inside, she'd be sent back over that wall.” ([14:19])

Laquisha echoes these sentiments, expressing her internal conflict about loyalty and the desire to help those still incarcerated:

“We still wanted to help... we never wanted to disconnect from that.” ([08:33])

---

Navigating Racial Dynamics and Isolation

Laquisha faces significant racial dynamics within the firehouse, highlighting the underrepresentation of black women:

“It was really difficult in particular for black women to get into the firehouse. So much so that they used to call the firehouse the White House.” ([07:03])

Captain Lott discusses the challenges of being one of the few black members in a predominantly white team:

“They picked the same type of white girl... it's hard to humanize an oppressor without feeling like you're compromising something within yourself.” ([07:56], [24:25])

This isolation reinforces the "us versus them" mentality, making it difficult for Laquisha and Amika to fully integrate and trust their white counterparts.

---

Maintaining Connections and Risky Endeavors

Amika and Laquisha strive to support their friends inside the prison, despite strict prohibitions. Their efforts include bringing in small comforts like CDs, gum, and even cheese:

“It's how we do it. We share what we have, always.” ([10:18])

Their commitment takes a dangerous turn when a friend inside convinces them to procure cell phones—an invaluable commodity for inmates longing to maintain contact with the outside world:

“I did agree with one girl to get some cell phones.” ([10:38])

The sisters plan and execute a risky operation to smuggle the phones into the prison. They conduct "drop" runs, burying the phones discreetly in the firehouse garden:

“We buried the phones in my garden... to save for later.” ([13:23])

However, the constant fear of being caught weighs heavily on Amika:

“I got really nervous about them being buried in the garden... something could go wrong.” ([17:59])

Eventually, the stress pushes them to abandon their mission, burying the phones in a secret location within the almond orchards during an early morning run:

“We can hide them or we can get rid of them... bury our phones... we were like, fuck that. We're going home.” ([19:02])

---

A Pivotal Rescue and Emotional Confrontation

Amika's dedication as a firefighter peaks during a rescue operation at a tragic car accident. Responding to a distress call, she and her team arrive at a scene where a mother and her baby are trapped:

“It's an awful feeling. Everybody's heart drops... mom and baby were pinned inside.” ([20:24])

Amika encounters a corrections officer (CO) she recognizes from the prison. This CO is the father of the family involved in the accident:

“I saw the green first... he was the father and grandfather of the mother and child.” ([21:39])

In a moment of profound humanity, Amika assists the CO in stabilizing his grandchild's spine, witnessing a rare display of emotion from him:

“I hope that they saw that in us. It was like a strange and beautiful thing, you know, it was humanity.” ([24:00])

Despite this connection, the power dynamics remain unchanged, as the CO is still her jailer even in this vulnerable moment.

---

Balancing Professionalism and Personal Struggles

Amika and Laquisha harness their professional skills to excel in their roles. Laquisha leverages her background as a midwife to aid in medical emergencies:

“I felt confident about working having my hands on a baby, for sure.” ([25:38])

Amika reflects on her past as a midwife, drawing parallels to her current role:

“In my old life as a midwife, I stood at the gates of life... I was good at it because I can get really calm in chaos.” ([26:20])

These experiences allow them to perform under pressure, yet the emotional toll remains significant. Amika grapples with the loss of her freedom and the constant threat of being sent back to prison:

“I wanted to do my job well and I wanted to go home.” ([19:21])

---

Conflict and Suspicion

Despite her efforts to maintain professionalism, Amika's clandestine activities eventually draw the attention of Captain Lott and Captain Rodriguez. After receiving a warning about her communication with the inside, Amika is summoned to the captain’s office:

“...they need to talk to you about your connection to the inside.” ([14:01])

The confrontation leaves Amika anxious and uncertain about her future within the firehouse:

“Do I really belong here? Should I be here or should I go back in?” ([14:49])

---

Conclusion

"Caught" intricately weaves Amika's internal and external conflicts as she navigates the precarious balance between her responsibilities as a firefighter and her lingering ties to the prison community. The episode underscores themes of resilience, identity, and the quest for redemption amidst systemic challenges. As Amika continues to perform heroic acts, the ever-present threat of her past catching up with her looms large, setting the stage for further developments in her transformative journey.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Amika on Leaving Prison:

  • “We jump in this fire truck and drive out the gates of the prison... I hadn't left the walls.” ([00:49])

• Laquisha on Gear Fitting:

  • “They don't want them to be too tight and revealing... just a little bit baggy.” ([01:54])

• Amika on First Success:

  • “I felt proud.” ([03:43])

• Laquisha on Racial Challenges:

  • “It was difficult for black women to get into the firehouse... we were the White House.” ([07:03])

• Amika on Humanizing the CO:

  • “I hope that they saw that in us. It was like a strange and beautiful thing... humanity.” ([24:00])

• Laquisha on Emotional Struggles:

  • “Do I really belong here? Should I be here or should I go back in?” ([14:49])

---

Final Thoughts

Episode "Caught" of Fire Escape offers a compelling narrative that delves deep into Amika Mota's struggle for identity and redemption within the walls of a prison-supported firefighting team. Through vivid storytelling and poignant moments, the episode captures the essence of Amika's resilience and the intricate dynamics of power, race, and humanity.

Transcript

[Anna Sussman]

You're listening to an episode of a Wondry exclusive series. To continue listening, join Wondry and enjoy ad free listening to over 50,000 episodes, Early Access to your favorite podcasts and more. Join Wondry in the Wondry app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify Snap Studios. After six years in prison, Amika waited on the edge of her bed. She had a small bag of her belongings. And then the prison fire captain came in with two other fire girls and they walked her out of a door in the back of the prison.

[Amika]

And so, you know, we jump in this fire truck and drive out the gates of the prison. And that was, that was a pretty intense moment because I hadn't left the walls, I haven't gone past the barbed wire.

[Anna Sussman]

They pulled into the fire station, a neat one story brick building with a screen door and a garden on the prisonering road. She hopped off the truck and Captain Rodriguez led her behind the building and started pulling oxygen tanks and hoses and masks from a huge crate. It was time for a test of her mental and physical strength.

[Laquisha]

I got fitted for my turnout gear.

[Amika]

Which is the gear that we slide.

[Laquisha]

On over our everyday clothes. And it is, you know, the really heavy kind of insulated pants. And she's sizing me up, you know, and picking sizes for me because they don't want them to be too tight and revealing. Like even your just your regular gear, they want to make sure they're not too small so your boobs don't show and not too tight on your butt or whatever. So she likes to make sure it's.

[Amika]

Just a little bit baggy.

[Laquisha]

You have suspenders that hold your pants up. The boots are the most important part. And the boots I got fitted for and they just kind of sit in your turnout gear. So when you actually jump in to get your gear on, you jump first into the boots.

[Anna Sussman]

And once she was fully suited up in all the gear, she was handed the metal end of a fire hose and it was heavy. And she walked out to the front of the station.

[Amika]

She had about 50 pounds of gear on a 25 pound piece of a hose attachment. And you had to circle the firehouse and you just had to see how many times you could circle. And it was like a thing to be able to make at least seven times.

[Anna Sussman]

Everyone came and gathered outside the firehouse to see kind of what she was made of.

[Laquisha]

I mean, all of the women on the side and the kind of captains are all watching to kind of see how hardcore I am.

[Amika]

You're literally, you're walking in this gear that you've never experienced. You can barely breathe one step and then the next. Physically exhausted, literally body shaking. And it was designed to let us know what it feels like to be in a fire.

[Laquisha]

The underlying thread is, if you can't do this, you're not cut out to be here, which means you're getting sent back inside. It's like, you better, you know, sink or swim on this one.

[Anna Sussman]

She made it seven times around the fire station. She did it, and all the fire girls cheered.

[Amika]

I just knew that I had just taken, like, a step into a whole new little piece of my life in prison. I mean, I remember taking off the gear and just being so soaked with sweat, Everything stuck to me and blisters on my feet from the boots. But I felt like I did it because I didn't know if I could do it when I started. So I felt proud and I felt.

[Anna Sussman]

Exhausted, sweaty, and limbs shaking. Amika stepped into the firehouse that would be her new home.

[Amika]

Literally in, like, 300ft from the gate of the prison. You go to this little. What feels like a little sanctuary, right? Just couldn't even believe what I was seeing. Trees. I had trees and flowers and a window, actually, in the quarters where you could hear animals and birds. Just my whole environment changed in an instant.

[Anna Sussman]

And inside the firehouse, there was stuff like the stuff of normal houses.

[Amika]

We have a fridge. This is the first time I had seen, like, a refrigerator that you could open and, you know, grab something out of a stove. This is the first bed I'd seen in five years, too, right? So we went from the mat on the steel bunk to an actual mattress. And I think that may have been the most exciting thing of all was that mattress. It was like, oh, my God. And a pillow. We had real pillows.

[Laquisha]

From the inside, people looking out at the firehouse, those things were enticing, like the bed and the mattress and the state food. So, like, from the inside looking out, it kind of looked like this illusion of more freedom, but there. We still used a pay phone. We got counted in, flashlights checked on, you know, like, every night. We were not free.

[Anna Sussman]

And she didn't forget what Captain Lott had told her. If she kept in contact with her friends inside the main prison, if she made any trouble, she could be sent back in.

[Laquisha]

I think that was the hardest part for me is, like, oh, I've always been a little outspoken. And then I thought, like, I don't know how that's gonna fly Here.

[Amika]

From.

[Anna Sussman]

Wondry and Snap Studios at kqed. I'm Anna Sussman. And this is Fire Escape, the story of a woman whose world burned down. And then she learned to fight fire from behind bars. This is episode three, Caught. Amika knew that now as a fire girl, she had, from the position of the women inside, a very powerful position.

[Laquisha]

I mean, we were in our positions as fire girls. It was a place that the majority of folks in prison would never get to.

[Anna Sussman]

Why not?

[Laquisha]

Because it's difficult to get in.

[Anna Sussman]

Only about 12 folks were accepted into the firehouse out of the thousands that were incarcerated in that prison group.

[Laquisha]

It was really difficult in particular for black women to get into the firehouse. So much so that they used to call the firehouse the White House. That was part of why I didn't know if I belonged there.

[Captain Lott]

I was like, hey, I want to go to the firehouse. Has anybody heard about it? And so most of the girls were like, well, you're not going to get in there. And they described the firehouse as like a place for white girls. Who doesn't have.

[Anna Sussman]

This is Laquisha. She worked at the firehouse with Amica. And like Amica, she also didn't know if she belonged.

[Captain Lott]

Because I was black, I knew that I would get treated differently because I did get treated like that when I did get there.

[Anna Sussman]

When she got to Station 5, there was only one other black person there. Almost all the other firefighters were white.

[Captain Lott]

Like, they picked the same type of white girl.

[Anna Sussman]

You know, Laquisha was coming from living in a very diverse eight person cell inside.

[Captain Lott]

The cells that I were in were pretty mixed. So, you know, there was white, black.

[Anna Sussman]

Hawaiian, and she missed those folks. Now she was surrounded by the almost all white fire girl team.

[Captain Lott]

But I just knew that they didn't trust me because I was black. And it sucked not to just be able to communicate with like minded, you know, not like minded people that are like me based off of race because, you know, we share certain things based off of culture and things like that.

[Anna Sussman]

Both Laquisha and Amica said that was really part of the reason they both kept close ties with the people inside, even though it was against the rules.

[Captain Lott]

You know, because we still had friends on the inside, we still wanted to help. You know, it wasn't like we just wanted to disconnect from them because we all have something in common. And so I never wanted to disconnect from that.

[Anna Sussman]

Did you find yourself looking forward to calls on the inside?

[Amika]

Oh, yeah.

[Laquisha]

Oh, yeah. I couldn't.

[Anna Sussman]

The firefighters from Station 5 were sometimes called into the prison to help with Smoke alarms or kitchen fires, things like that. And it was thrilling because it was a chance to see old friends.

[Laquisha]

Every time we went inside, I wanted.

[Amika]

To see everybody I could possibly see.

[Laquisha]

Like, which yard are we going? If we're going to sea yard, I am going. That's it.

[Amika]

Like, I hope I get to see my friends and just. Even if I can't say hi or I see them from the truck, like, you know, blowing kisses and just.

[Anna Sussman]

You're allowed to blow a kiss?

[Amika]

No, we're not allowed to do any of that. We're not allowed to wave. We're not allowed to blow a kiss. We're not allowed to do any of that.

[Anna Sussman]

But her friends inside, when they saw her coming, they'd start singing.

[Laquisha]

Is the Alicia Keys Girl on Fire? The girls inside, they would joke and start singing that to me when I would come in.

[Anna Sussman]

They'd try to think of ways to support their folks inside. Laquisha and Amiko would bring in kind of innocuous but comforting things like CDs or gum or cheese.

[Amika]

I could definitely have gotten in trouble for cheese, but what's the trouble look like? I probably would have gotten kicked out of the firehouse.

[Anna Sussman]

Are you serious?

[Amika]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Anna Sussman]

Okay. I don't understand why you were willing to risk getting kicked out of the firehouse to bring a pound of cheese.

[Amika]

When you love folks in there. It's like, you know, that's how we do it. We share what we have, always.

[Anna Sussman]

They'd bring in little pieces of love to the prison church, which was one of the rare times they'd get to be together. So they'd sneak in a treat and pass it between them. But then a friend asked them for something bigger.

[Captain Lott]

You know, when you go to church, the girls inside the prison would try to, like, get you to do stuff. And so I can't believe I'm saying this, but I did agree with one girl to get some cell phones.

[Anna Sussman]

Cell phones are probably the most valuable thing to people locked away from their loved ones.

[Captain Lott]

It was like, I was in there when we couldn't do phone calls because our parents couldn't afford the calls. You know, I was in there where you're paying somebody, like, can you throw away my mom? You know, I remember my mom got sick, and I couldn't get in contact with her. I was freaking going crazy. And so, you know, and that's how the prison makes money, you know? So if I could provide the opportunity for somebody to talk to, a family member, I was willing to risk it.

[Anna Sussman]

So Laquisha decided She would approach Amica and tell her that she had an idea to bring in some phones, and she even had this potential cell phone hookup.

[Captain Lott]

So I went. I had put so much trust into her. Like, I went to her and I was like, look, this is what I have. And this is what I mean.

[Amika]

She's like, what?

[Captain Lott]

And I'm like, yeah, I got these phones, and I don't know what to do.

[Amika]

It's a big deal to have a phone. You know what I mean? And it's a huge commodity on the inside. We wanted to share that commodity with folks on the inside.

[Anna Sussman]

So Amica and Laquisha planned a drop.

[Amika]

A drop is when somebody from the outside either leaves cell phones or whatever on the outside perimeter or as close as they can get to the inside perimeter, and we're instructed on where it is, and we pick it up.

[Anna Sussman]

The fire girls would run these training runs along the perimeter of the prison through the almond orchards all around.

[Amika]

And we knew where the towers were. We knew where patrol was.

[Anna Sussman]

So one morning on one of those training runs through the orchards, she and Laquisha went to the drop point.

[Amika]

We just basically wore our sweats with, like, tight, stretchy pants underneath them and big sweaters.

[Anna Sussman]

The drop point was marked by a pile of rocks, and the phones were piled up underneath.

[Captain Lott]

And they were flip phones at that. Oh, my. Like, and they were big. So can you imagine? Like, flip phones wrapped in Saran Wrap. And it was like six of them, too. It was like six phones.

[Anna Sussman]

They stuffed them inside their sweatshirts and kept running. And when they got back, they reburied them in the garden outside the firehouse.

[Amika]

We buried the phones in my. I call it my garden. I know it was a communal garden, but it was my garden. That was my baby. We started burying them in my garden.

[Anna Sussman]

To save for later.

[Amika]

Yeah, to save for later. And we figured out who we were actually supposed to get them to or if we were going to do that or if we were going to sell them ourselves.

[Anna Sussman]

So they waited with those cell phones just beneath the dirt in the firehouse garden, praying nobody would notice.

[Amika]

Yeah, after maybe a couple months at the firehouse. And, I mean, I thought I was really doing good. I was running the program and doing the routine and kind of doing everything I thought I was supposed to do.

[Anna Sussman]

She was in living quarters one day, and it was just after mail call.

[Amika]

And Captain Lott and Captain Rodriguez called me into the office. I remember Captain Lott with his feet up on the desk. They said to me, you're here because we need to talk to you about your connection to the inside.

[Anna Sussman]

They caught her writing letters to the women inside. They didn't seem to know anything about the cell phones, but they were upset about the letters.

[Amika]

And they kept telling me, you're not ready to be here. You're not ready and you need to let go.

[Anna Sussman]

In the office at the fire station, the captain was very clear with her. If they caught her connecting with her friend inside, she'd be sent back over that wall, she said. She looked down and nodded along, but her head was swimming.

[Laquisha]

Do I really belong here? Should I be here or should I go back in?

[Anna Sussman]

Thanks to Audible, our presenting sponsor, these days it can be hard finding time to disconnect and truly immerse in a good story. But that's where Audible comes in. Audible meets you where you are. With the Audible app, you can access the largest library of audiobooks and exclusive content. Whenever and whatever you're doing. Whether you're a fiction enthusiast, a lifelong learner, someone looking for a laugh, there's an Audible title for you. In my house, we listen to Audible every night as part of our evening routine. Hi, I'm Abigail, Anna's daughter, and I listen to Audible every night as a part of my bedtime routine.

[Laquisha]

Right now I'm listening to Esperanza Rising.

[Anna Sussman]

It's a really good book. Thanks, Abby. If you're an Audible member, you can choose one title per month to keep from their entire catalog. New members can try Audible for free for 30 days. Visit audible.com fire or text fire to 500. 500. That's audible.com fire or text fire To 500. 500. Why didn't you want to go back inside?

[Laquisha]

Um, I had just been in prison for years. Like, do I want to go back into an eight man cell? Do I want to go back to staring at pink bars on the window? Do I want to go back to shitty ass correctional officers that have this level of power over me? No.

[Anna Sussman]

She knew she never again wanted to put herself in the position of living under the whims of the green cops. And she kept thinking about all these accidents and fires and the lives they were saving and the lives they lost.

[Laquisha]

Cotton bale, fires, overdoses, heart attacks, strokes. There was a dialysis lady. I remember we went to her house often. Really young, really young mother who was really ill. And we went to her house a lot. We're going out on calls. We're doing things that are, like, kind of amazing and productive and things we never even imagined.

[Amika]

It just shifted me. It just Shifted me all the way around.

[Laquisha]

It was like, oh, we're saving somebody's fucking life, right? Like we're breathing air into a child's lungs.

[Captain Lott]

I'm going through these experiences, and you're being around family, different people, families. And some of these calls are so traumatic that you're like, I'm not about to risk, you know, bringing stuff illegally on the inside. Maybe there's a different way we could do it, you know? But the problem was we still had to.

[Anna Sussman]

The problem was they still had those cell phones under the dirt outside the firehouse.

[Amika]

I got really nervous about them being buried in the garden. It just felt like a little critter could get in there or something. Like something could go wrong and maybe I didn't bury it deep enough.

[Captain Lott]

She used to give me these intense looks, like every time anybody went near these phones. She used to give me this intense look, like she used to be like, baby. And that was her thing. She'd be like, baby, oh, you're such a baby. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? But I think when we finally was like. I told her, like, I'm not taking it in anymore. I don't know. We need to. We can hide them or we can get rid of them. Like, we really sat there and thought about how to get rid of these phones.

[Amika]

We just wanted to be, like, free of them and not have to deal with this, like, thing hanging over us. I just. I didn't want to do it.

[Captain Lott]

I think she came up with the idea of putting in. In the field, and I was like, okay.

[Anna Sussman]

They made a plan to ditch the phones on an early morning run because.

[Captain Lott]

We used to get up at, like, five in the morning every day. And so, you know, the captains are pretty sleepy around that time, so they're not really, you know, watching you.

[Anna Sussman]

So before sunrise, they dug up the cell phones from the garden, looked around to be sure nobody was watching from the towers or inside the firehouse. And halfway through their run, in the middle of rows and rows of almond trees, they buried their phones in the sandy dirt at a march spot so someone else could pick them up and they wouldn't go to waste.

[Captain Lott]

I think that's when we've, like, felt some relief. Like, you know, we didn't want to.

[Amika]

Get caught, and we buried our phones, and we're like, fuck that. We're going home. It's a similar process to, like, you know, what it meant to detach from the outside and my family and My kids, I had to kind of detach again from people that I really cared about. One of the things about prison is that you. The one thing that you're always ready for is change. And you are. People leave all the time. People leave you all the time. And it was just time. I just wanted to do my job well and I wanted to go home.

[Anna Sussman]

Amica focused on her training on the fires and accidents they responded to each day. One morning a call came in and Amika and the other firefighters all jumped on the truck. They heard from bits and pieces over the radio that they were headed to a car accident.

[Amika]

You know, we roll up on scene and see a car seat kind of like up against the window. I mean, that's always. It's a baby. Like, oh, my God. And so the sense of urgency, you take it to a different level at that point. It's just. It's an awful feeling. You know, everybody's heart drops. And the whole car was crumpled into a tree. So it hit a tree and mom and baby were pinned inside. So the airbag had gone off. Mom was in the front seat, but pinned in, couldn't really get out. And the baby's car seat was in the back. We had to cut open the door to get mom out. Okay, I can do this. I can do this. You have to kind of clear your mind and get ready. Okay, I can do this. I can do this Shit. Like, I haven't done this yet. Okay, I can do this. I can do this. I don't know who called the CO or if. I don't know how he knew. But I saw the green first.

[Anna Sussman]

Amica looked up, and there at the scene of the accident was the green cop, the corrections officer with the gray hair, who she said looked at her like a piece of shit all those years, the stickler.

[Amika]

You know, I definitely recognized him from the yard. He came probably right from the prison, actually in his uniform. He was the father and grandfather of the mother and child that were in the car. We were doing definitely eye contact through the whole, you know, scene. So it was the first baby I.

[Laquisha]

Had ever C spined and C spining means you need to stabilize their neck and spine. Hoping I remember the steps along the way. You have this little delicate being, like, don't let me fuck this up. Don't let me fuck this up.

[Anna Sussman]

Amika carefully held the co's grandbaby spine stable with her hands while quietly talking in her ear. The CO's daughter, the baby's mom, was loaded into a Life flight helicopter, which Lifted off the roadside in a swirl of dust.

[Amika]

And the emotion coming from him, you know, to see his family being, you know, pretty injured and being life flighted out. And for him to actually show those emotions in front of us was pretty intense, too, because they don't do that. Right. It's his daughter and his granddaughter. And so he was in tears.

[Anna Sussman]

Did he become more of a human?

[Laquisha]

Yeah. Because you could maybe see expressions you wouldn't see on the inside. You know, seeing fear, seeing tears, seeing somebody in the place of being a caregiver and loving on their children. Like, we certainly don't see that peace on the inside.

[Anna Sussman]

After Amika and the firefighters got both mom and baby to safety, she picked up the metal wrappers and the bits of broken car and climbed back into the truck and headed to the prison. And she kept thinking about the CO in the green uniform.

[Amika]

I felt like, I hope you know, I loved your child just the way I would love my child. You know, I hope that they saw that in us. It was like a strange and beautiful thing, you know, it was humanity.

[Anna Sussman]

But even in that fragile moment, this man was still her jailer.

[Laquisha]

We are situated as an us and a them, right? So I.

[Amika]

You.

[Laquisha]

There's only so far you allow yourself to feel compassion. I imagine that's kind of their take on us too, right? It is hard to humanize an oppressor without feeling like you're compromising something within yourself.

[Anna Sussman]

Chowchilla is a prison town. The prison is the biggest employer. And the fire girls were often the ones who showed up when the guards and their families had an emergency.

[Captain Lott]

I wondered if they knew we were the inmates. I'm pretty sure they did because it was, like, all girls. Yeah, we were all girls, so. And I think, you know what? In seeing them in the vulnerable position, they treated us nicer because I think we were in their private space, we were in their home, and we seen them in a vulnerable position. So they're, like, nice, like, okay. But they were different compared to if they were in uniform. It's different energy.

[Anna Sussman]

When they were called out to emergencies with pregnant women or little babies, something deep in Amica's brain would take over.

[Laquisha]

I was able to call on my.

[Amika]

Previous.

[Laquisha]

Skills as a midwife. I knew my way around a baby's body, right? Like, I knew the little parts that made up their skull and their chin, and I knew how to.

[Amika]

Take their.

[Laquisha]

Vitals with just my fingers and not having to, like, use, you know, the kind of tools, right? So I knew, like, I felt confident about working Having my hands on a baby, for sure.

[Anna Sussman]

I talked to you in ways that were like, oh, there it is. You know what I mean?

[Laquisha]

Oh, yeah. As soon as I got to the.

[Amika]

Baby, it was like.

[Laquisha]

It felt calm. It felt like a calm washed over me in a way.

[Anna Sussman]

Right, because your body knew how to do it.

[Laquisha]

Because my body knew how to do it.

[Amika]

You know, in my old life as a midwife, I stood at the gates of life, right? And so it's a similar intensity. And I loved the work and I was good at it because I can get really calm in chaos.

[Anna Sussman]

Before she was incarcerated, Amika had so many times held that gate between life and death for others. She'd held that trust and those powers. One time she was delivering a baby for a husband and wife who were musicians, and they wanted to name their.

[Laquisha]

Baby Cadence and Beautiful Birth. And then Cadence didn't want to breathe. And I worked on her for a good 30 minutes. I mean, it's so hard to even explain how intense it is to be working on, like, a little six pound baby and trying to breathe for them. Her mom and dad were talking to her the whole time. It was so incredible. I was breathing for her, and her little heart would pick up when she heard her daddy's voice, even though she wasn't breathing. And then in those last few minutes, it was like. I mean, I could see her spirit.

[Amika]

She started to just. Her whole color started to shift.

[Laquisha]

But it was more than just like.

[Amika]

The color of the skin.

[Laquisha]

It did feel very much like an aura, almost of light, and it felt warm and it felt like light and heat. The last couple of minutes before her heart rate normalized and she stabilized, a.

[Anna Sussman]

Lot of people would not want to be in that room at that moment. Why do you want to be in that room at that moment?

[Amika]

Oh, God.

[Laquisha]

I mean, to me, that's like the sacred moments of life. Like, what an honor to be able to be in that space. There's always a level of the responsibility that is really hard to carry, especially when it is like, you know, if someone thinks the health of their baby is in your hands, or that life or death is in your hands as a midwife.

[Anna Sussman]

But does that mean that you believe it's not in your hands? Is that right?

[Laquisha]

No, it's not in my hands. I am a vessel, but I am not so cocky that I think that I have the strings that control life and death.

[Anna Sussman]

Now, she was helping teeny babies trapped in cars.

[Laquisha]

And then the other piece that came naturally is just the mothering part, right? Which is you're calming down an upset baby and you're trying to make them laugh and you're trying to make distract them as you're wrapping these things around their head. And they're like, where's my mama? So, you know, it was all those things.

[Anna Sussman]

Back at the fire station, she had again learned to navigate the rules. She was learning the dials and the hose protocols. She was cleaning out her garden and planting new flowers. It seemed like she was making it work.

[Amika]

A few months later, I got called into the captain's office again.

[Anna Sussman]

Again, she was called into the captain's glass walled office where the whole firehouse could watch.

[Laquisha]

They called out my last name and, you know, said, get in the. Get in the office. We want you in the captain's office. You know, you worry about the worst. You think it could be a call.

[Amika]

That they've received, like you lost a.

[Laquisha]

Family member or something has gone wrong or your date isn't gonna stick.

[Anna Sussman]

They had already told her they were watching her, watching for any reason to send her back inside.

[Laquisha]

I'm ready. Whatever I gotta be ready for. It's like I kind of try to get my shoulders straight and, you know, head up, look them in the eyes, like I don't wanna show a whole lot of emotion or walking into the captain's office. Captain Lott's got his feet up on the desk, hands by his head. He looks mad. I just walk in and they shut the door behind me.

[Anna Sussman]

Follow Firescape on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to episodes early and ad free by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify or on Amazon Music with your prime membership.