Stop Asking for Permission, Start Asking for Support, Ep. (913) - F.I.R.E.D UP with Krista Mashore

Summary

F.I.R.E.D Up with Krista Mashore – Episode 913: "Stop Asking for Permission, Start Asking for Support"

Release Date: December 26, 2024
Podcast: F.I.R.E.D Up with Krista Mashore
Host: Krista Mashore

Introduction

In Episode 913 of F.I.R.E.D Up with Krista Mashore, titled "Stop Asking for Permission, Start Asking for Support," Krista delves into the crucial distinction between seeking permission and garnering support, particularly in the context of personal and professional transformations. Targeted at entrepreneurs striving to distinguish themselves in competitive markets, this episode offers actionable insights into fostering self-belief and securing the backing necessary to achieve meaningful change.

The Pitfall of Asking for Permission

Krista begins by addressing a common mistake many individuals make—seeking permission rather than support when attempting to implement significant changes in their lives or businesses.

"When you come to somebody and you're doubtful and you don't have conviction in yourself and you really are asking for their permission... you're kind of asking for their advice."
[02:15]

She shares a personal anecdote from her first marriage, referring to it as the "starter trial marriage," where she often sought permission from her spouse for various endeavors. This approach, rooted in doubt and lack of self-conviction, frequently resulted in a lack of support.

"Don't ask for permission, ask for support... you need to have conviction and belief and faith in yourself, in what you're doing."
[05:30]

Building Conviction and Self-Belief

Krista emphasizes the importance of approaching others with unwavering confidence in your goals. Without self-assurance, it's challenging to inspire others to support your initiatives.

"He who has the most conviction wins the debate."
[09:45]

She draws parallels with how children relentlessly pursue their desires, showcasing the power of persistent belief. By embodying this conviction, individuals can encourage their partners or supporters to back their ventures wholeheartedly.

Choosing the Right People to Seek Support From

A pivotal point Krista makes is the significance of selecting the right individuals to approach for support—preferably those who have experience in the area you're venturing into.

"Don't ask for someone's advice that hasn't done the thing that you are trying to do."
[14:20]

Using her transition from a successful real estate agent to a coach as an example, Krista illustrates how even well-meaning loved ones can inadvertently hinder progress if they lack relevant experience.

"I was asking them to do something that they never had done before... they never did."
[18:10]

Strategies for Securing Support

Krista outlines actionable steps to effectively seek support:

Approach with Absolute Faith: Present your plans with unwavering belief and provide clear reasoning for why you're confident in the decision.

"I know that if you believe in me and you help me and you encourage me... I'm going to believe in myself."
[22:35]
Anticipate and Address Concerns: Acknowledge that pursuing big goals may require temporary sacrifices, such as time or attention, and communicate these needs clearly.

"Let people know on the other side of it that you know you're going after something big."
[27:50]
Leverage Support Networks: Utilize close relationships to create a support system that uplifts and motivates you during challenging times.

"The closer that you are to somebody, right, the more that you need their support."
[31:25]

Personal Transformation and Relationships

Krista reflects on her journey of overcoming personal challenges, including eating disorders, by recognizing the necessity of seeking and accepting support.

"I needed to ask for help, I needed to ask for guidance... I needed to rely on other people to help push me up when I was feeling weak."
[36:10]

She also highlights how shifting from seeking permission to asking for support positively influenced her marital relationship, fostering a more supportive and encouraging partnership.

"When my husband does that to me when he asked me for support and not permission, I'm much more likely to like, want to give him that."
[40:45]

Conclusion and Takeaways

Krista concludes by encouraging listeners, especially women, to emulate the assertive approach often seen in men by asking for support instead of permission. This shift not only empowers individuals but also cultivates more robust and supportive relationships.

"As a woman... quit asking for permission and just ask for support and see what happens."
[43:30]

She underscores the transformative power of self-belief and the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive individuals who have the experience and understanding to back your initiatives.

Final Thoughts

Episode 913 serves as a compelling guide for entrepreneurs and individuals alike, emphasizing the need to transition from a mindset of seeking approval to one of fostering support. Krista Mashore's blend of personal experiences and strategic advice offers valuable lessons on building conviction, choosing the right support systems, and ultimately achieving financial independence and early retirement.

For more insights and resources, visit KristaMashore.com/Podcast.

Transcript

A (0:00)

How to ask for support and not permission. When you are trying to get your spouse, your partner, fill in the blank, to actually support you when you're trying to make true change. One of the biggest mistakes that we make, and I will tell you that I was guilty of this too in my first marriage. I like to call it the starter trial marriage. I was always asking for permission, like, can I do this? And here's what I found out, is that when you come to somebody and you're doubtful and you don't have conviction in yourself and you really are asking for their permission, whether it be permission to pay for something or permission to actually do something, you're kind of asking for their advice. But when you go to them and you're not super convinced about what it is that you're asking for, oftentimes they're not going to support you. So what? So my advice is this, don't ask for permission, ask for support, right? You want to get their buy in, but in order for you to get their support, the first thing that you need to do is you need to have conviction and belief and faith in yourself, in what you're doing. And something else that's also very important to think about is this, is that oftentimes we go to our partner, our spouse, fill in the blank, almost like they're our counselor, right? And oftentimes we're asking them things to support us with that we've been complaining about for a long time. So it looks like you complaining about your job or you're, you hate this, or this isn't working and this isn't going well and you're trying these things and nothing ever works. And then you say, hey, should I try this thing? And they're like, well, no, all you've been doing is complaining about it for the past six months, 12 months, two years. Why would you do that when everything you've tried hasn't worked? So why are you asking me for permission when I'm just going to say no? Because everything you've tried has not worked. So the steps are this, Number one, ask for support, not permission. But when you ask for support, you need to come with absolute faith. Faith and belief and assurance and conviction that you know what you're doing is going to work. Here's the deal, everyone. He who has the most conviction wins the debate. I want you to think about whether you have a child or not, right? Think about kids. Kids come to you and they will just berate you and ask and beg and plea. They are like, like know that they're just gonna keep asking until you say yes. They are convinced that they're gonna get what they want. So oftentimes, what do we do? We break down and we say, oh, God, yes, quit bothering me. Just go do the thing. Right? You want to come to your partner or spouse, whoever it is that you go to for guidance or advice, you want to go to them with the same conviction. And somebody gave me some really smart advice one time, and it was this, don't ask for someone's advice that hasn't done the thing that you are trying to do. And oftentimes, sometimes the people that love us the most in our life will tell us no. And they think they're helping us. They think they're giving us good advice, but they've never done the thing that we're trying to do. I always use this example. My dad is one of my favorite people in the world, right? And I knew when I was 47 years old that I wanted to leave my safe, secure job as a real estate agent. I was making about $1.8 million a year in gross commissions, doing really, really well. And I wanted to be a coach. And I had been thinking about it for a couple of years, and quite frankly, I was exhausted and tired of being a real estate agent. And I wanted something more. I believed that I was meant for more. It was meant to really, really help people and support people. So when I came to my husband who loves me, my mom and dad who loved me, and I said, I want to do this thing, you know, what do you think? And you want to know what they said? They said, krista, normal people at 47 don't leave their safe, secure job to go do something else. We love you, but no one's going to pay you to coach them. Now. They had my best interest at heart. They wanted to help me. I was going for them basically asking for permission when what I really needed was their support. And although they were trying to help me, so they thought, right, I was asking them to do something that they never had done before, right? I wanted to be a coach. I wanted to make more money, more impact. I wanted to serve more people. And they did too, but at a different level. So I can't ask them to do something that they've never done. So number one, when you go to somebody, you really want to ask our support and you want to try to ask someone who's done the thing that you're trying to do. And oftentimes, you know, when we ask people for help, they're the same people or permission, right. Otherwise known as support. We're going to them and we're. We've been complaining about our life, complaining about our circumstance, complaining about a situation. And so we go to them and ask them something. Their go to is to say no because they're trying to protect us and help us. So we have to really be careful about, number one, who we're asking and what we've done beforehand. So you're thinking about starting something new, doing a new endeavor, trying a new job, leaving a career, going after big things. Right. When you go to somebody, number one, you have to go to them with absolute belief and faith and reasoning as to why you know this is the right decision. And you need to basically tell them, like, look, I know that I'm going to be more successful if you'll just support me in this. I'm not asking for your permission, quite frankly, I'm asking you to support me because I know with your support that I'm going to be able to do better. I know that if you believe in me and you help me and you encourage me and you inspire me, I'm going to be much more likely able to get this thing done. I also know it might be hard, it might be difficult. And the more support and help and love and faith and belief that you have in me, the more I'm going to believe in myself. So the bottom line is this. I see so many women especially, and I can say that because I am a woman and I made the same mistake as many women do in my first marriage. I. I was always asking for permission and not asking for support. And quite frankly, even if I did ask for support, it wouldn't have mattered because I was with the wrong person, Right? But most of you hopefully are not. And I think that most people, they want to support us, they want to help us, they want us to do the right thing. So ask for support. Also. Another thing that you can do when you're trying to go after big things is let people know on the other side of it that you know you're going after something big. And so it might take your attention away from them. And if you're neglecting them too much or they need you just to give you a little reminder, a little nudge that says, hey, I'm feeling a little lonely and feeling a little weak. Can you just give me a little time? And then if they do that and they communicate with you that you will change and give them what they need, oftentimes I don't know about you. But for me, sometimes I just need a little bit of attention, a little bit of love. And I'm doing great, right? And I think that most people want to support us, right? There's not very many a holes in the world. Most people just want to give us what we want. They want us to stop complaining, they want us to get the result. And so we need to help coach them to, to lead us to that conclusion. So ask for support, right? And I'll tell you something. With anything I can tell you how important this is. Even for me with my eating challenges, like, I had to realize I needed to ask for support. I needed to ask for help, I needed to ask for guidance. I needed to be able to rely on other people to help push me up when I was feeling weak. I needed to be able to have that phone call or that person to support, support me. And that was one of the biggest things that I was lacking. So the closer that you are to somebody, right, the more that you need their support. But start by asking for that and not asking if it's okay or not. Most men, no offense men, but they don't ask for permission, they just do it, right? And we just have to go along for the ride. So as a woman, as to be your own hero, to be the person that's going to be able to take care of you and get everything that you want, we need to emulate some of the positive things that men or our spouse do, which is quit asking for permission and just ask for support and see what happens. I can guarantee that things will change, but you've got to come up and you've got to believe in yourself when you're asking, right? When you're asking for support. I hope this is helpful. I know it's been very helpful for me in my life. It's been helpful for me in my relationships. When my husband does that to me when he asked me for support and not permission, I'm much more likely to like, want to give him that. I want to help him. I want to be that, that good, supportive wife. And I'm sure that you do too. And I'm sure so does your spouse. Team member, fill in the blank. Hope this is helpful. Thank you for watching and I will see you next time. Hey there. If you want to learn how to dominate your market as a real estate agent, how to sell more listings and stand out as the go to obvious choice, sign up for my virtual event, just go to kristamayshorn.com forward/lesslesslistings do me a favor. This is a three three day virtual event. I'm going to teach you how to stand out in your marketplace. Go to kristamayshore.com forward/lessless listings and I will see you there.