I Gave Everyone Molly At My Wedding w/ Langston Kerman | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: First Date with Lauren Compton
Host: Lauren Compton (YMH Studios)
Guest: Langston Kerman
Episode: I Gave Everyone Molly At My Wedding
Date: November 25, 2025

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Overview

In this insightful and often hilarious episode, comedian and content creator Lauren Compton sits down with actor, comedian, and writer Langston Kerman for a candid “first date.” They delve into relationships, marriage, parenting, failed poetic dreams, and wild wedding stories—including how Langston and his wife turned their nuptials into the most loving group Molly experience. The conversation is peppered with honesty, banter, and intimate confessions about what makes relationships (and breakups) hard, and why little rituals and quirks matter in love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Relationship Journey & Marriage

• How Langston Met His Wife (03:04)

  • Set up by a mutual friend during simultaneous visits to Chicago; hit it off; survived a two-year long-distance relationship (Baltimore ↔ New York) before moving together to LA.
  • Notable Quote:
    “I tricked her into doing a long distance relationship for two years. … Persistence and begging and sort of like constant.” – Langston (03:36)

• Transition to Living Together (04:11–04:31)

  • Found LA to be a better mutual base. They’ve now been together in LA for 8 years with two kids.

• Marriage Details (02:25–02:34, 07:51–08:01)

  • Married since 2019, together for six years married and four years dating prior.
  • Notable Quote:
    “We were dating for four years and we've been married for six.” – Langston (08:01)

Proposing & Wedding Stories

• Unique Proposal Approach (08:05–09:36)

  • Fooled his wife with a fake Comedy Central release party; secretly edited his special to insert a personalized proposal video; surprise family and friends hidden in the other room.
  • Quote:
    “So the half hour starts to play… then it cuts to me being like, hey, will you marry me? And then in the other room, a bunch of her friends… were like hiding in wait. … It was perfect. I'm very proud of it.” – Langston (08:26–09:36)

• The Wedding: Molly for Everyone (39:17–40:17)

  • Openly shares they gave guests (they trusted) doses of Molly, contributing to a legendary, loving atmosphere.
  • Quote:
    “We bought a ton of Molly… and [were] disseminating it throughout the wedding to people who we knew hearts wouldn’t explode from the drug. … Everybody was just on Molly, and everybody was really having a great time.” – Langston (39:17)

Serial Monogamy and Dating Philosophy

• Monogamy Styles (10:12–11:04)

  • Both Lauren and Langston describe themselves as “serial monogamists,” struggling to date more than one person at a time due to emotional investment in potential partners.

  • Quote:
    “It was so hard for me to date more than one person at one time. If I liked you, it got me in trouble a lot…” – Lauren (12:44)

  • Langston’s self-reflection:
    “I use intimate language… that creates an impression with people … that maybe we are supposed to be together. And I don’t even know if I feel that way.” (12:57–13:22)

• Breakups, Ghosting & Closure (15:01–16:08)

  • Lauren always preferred an honest “let’s be friends” text post-date, rather than ghosting. Langston agrees it’s better but finds both uncomfortable.
  • Quote:
    “I don’t like friend would make me rage in my apartment. … But I would say that ghosting similarly is deeply painful and never resolves itself.” – Langston (15:36–16:08)

Romantic Pasts & Personal Growth

• Going Back to Exes & What Keeps Us Stuck (16:08–17:48)

  • Langston reflects on a Boston relationship he knew wasn’t right, attributing it to “sadness” and lack of grounding while at grad school.
  • Quote:
    “A lady that consistently cares about me felt like safety, regardless of the fact that, like, we did not get along at all.” – Langston (17:48)

• Ditching (and Publishing) Poetic Dreams (17:51–20:12)

  • Both confess to thinking their poetry would make them millionaires.
  • Lauren shares only selling one copy, to “a skateboarder who felt bad for me on the Venice boardwalk.” (19:24)

Living Together & Division of Labor

• Household Chores & Expectations (23:05–24:09)

  • Langston: Does most cleaning but draws a hard line at not cooking (“I’m not cooking shit”).
  • His wife is “a junkie person—not dirty, but clothes everywhere,” which he jokes is a “female” thing.
  • Quote:
    “I'm responsible for most of the cleaning in the house, but I don't cook, and I draw a hard line on that. … I'll make sure the dishes are taken care of.” – Langston (23:37, 24:05)

• Changing Diapers (25:09–27:35)

  • Lauren’s husband refuses to handle poopy diapers (“He will throw up if he sees poop”); Langston is flabbergasted and suspects she’s being “tricked.”
  • Quote:
    “I think…and I have, I been tricked? I want to be careful with the words I use, but I’ve learned about gaslighting pretty recently.” – Langston (27:02)

Parenting, Kids, and Gender

• Numbers and “Months” Conversations (05:01–06:58)

  • Comedic exchange on how long you can keep describing a child’s age in months.
  • Quote:
    “Part of what months is is that they are changing so often… but after awhile, a two-year-old is a two-year-old.” – Langston (05:46)

• Differences in Raising Boys vs. Girls (28:11–29:52)

  • Girls are “objectively better”—more advanced, sweeter, less likely to “smash things.” Boys “just want to smash things.”
  • Quote:
    “I would say girls are just objectively better, but I got the best that boys can offer.” – Langston (28:14)

The “I Love You” & Meeting Parents

• Saying ‘I Love You’ & Meeting The Families (30:06–32:27)
  • Six or seven months for “I love you.” Meeting family was less important to Langston, but it was big for his wife.
  • Quote:
    “I'm not the type of person that would have needed her to…get my mother's approval to make that happen.” – Langston (31:37)

Reflections on Compatibility

• Cohabitation & Routines (33:13–35:45)

  • Lauren moved in quickly with early boyfriends, learned her routine would be disrupted and found freedom in her marriage because her husband lets her “do [her] thing.”

• Long Distance Perks (35:45–36:30)

  • Langston credits long distance for keeping independence in his relationship:
    “I knew I had a set time where I could speak to you… But then I get to go around…doing whatever it is I want to do.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Langston on proposing:
  “This dumb, dumb thinks we’re about to watch it with our pals and then it cuts to me being like, hey, will you marry me? … It was perfect.” (08:26–09:36)
• On wedding Molly:
  “Everybody was just on Molly and everybody was really having a great time.” (39:17)
• On breakup etiquette:
  “I don’t like [the] friend [text], would make me rage…but ghosting is—at least friend, I go, oh, I know what this is. Ghosting is like I’m still wandering the streets, staring up at buildings…” (15:36–16:08)
• Lauren on poet dreams:
  “I self-published 500 copies of this book that I wrote. … I sold one. To a skateboarder who felt bad for me on the Venice boardwalk.” (19:24)
• On household labor:
  “Don’t even touch [my laundry]. Stay out of that. … My children, someday they’ll have chores. … How am I going to discipline them…when their mother doesn’t do hers?” – Langston (23:05–23:28)

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Timestamps for Key Moments

• Intro & First Date Vibe — 00:30–03:03
• How They Met & Early Relationship — 03:04–04:31
• Marriage Story & Proposal — 07:51–09:36
• Serial Monogamy Discussion — 10:06–13:22
• Breakup Strategies: Ghosting, Friend Zone — 15:01–16:08
• Staying in Bad Relationships — 16:08–17:48
• Poetry Degrees and Miserable Publishing — 17:51–20:12
• Household Labor Division — 23:05–24:09
• Parenting: Diapers & Children’s Ages — 25:09–27:35
• Raising Boys vs. Girls — 28:11–29:52
• Saying "I Love You" — 30:06–30:25
• Proposal Game & Early Bonding — 30:25–31:11
• Meeting Each Other’s Families — 31:32–32:27
• Routine & Cohabitation — 33:13–35:45
• Long Distance Love’s Silver Linings — 35:45–36:30
• Wedding Story: The Molly — 39:17–40:17
• Wedding Planning Chaos & Reflections — 40:17–46:14

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode keeps a playful, confessional, and lightly sarcastic tone, with both Lauren and Langston wielding self-deprecating humor and honesty. Banter is sharp and familiar, with neither shying from vulnerable admissions about failed relationships, personal flaws, gender quirks, and unconventional romantic gestures.

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Where to Find More

• Langston Kerman: @langstonkerman on social media; podcast “My Mama Told Me”
• Lauren Compton: “First Date with Lauren Compton” everywhere podcasts are found

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Final Takeaways

This “first date” is a revealing case study in modern relationships, featuring the messiness, humor, and joy of finding (and sometimes choosing) your person—plus the occasional party drug to keep things interesting. Lessons abound in letting go, staying honest, laughing at yourself, and the value of not taking weddings too seriously.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First date, baby. First day.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

First. Oh, man. Said I was ready and then I wasn't. That's fine. I fixed it.

[A]

I was suffering. I thought that was your thing. I didn't know.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

Like plants the way that you wanted it.

[B]

What a way to start off this show. Welcome to another episode of First Date. My name is Lauren Compton. My guest today is a comedian, a writer, an actor. You can check out.

[A]

Take your time. There's no reason.

[B]

I know.

[A]

There's no reason to worry.

[B]

It's like a leave out.

[A]

Fix that first.

[B]

You can check out his. Did I shave my armpits today? What a way to start. You can check out his website, LangstonKerman.com.

[A]

You nailed it.

[B]

To check out his stand updates. This is wild. What's up, you guys? What's up?

[A]

What's up?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Okay. I fixed it.

[A]

I didn't know we clapped. That's so cool.

[B]

How's it going?

[A]

I'm chilling. How are you?

[B]

I'm doing good.

[A]

I. I was. I was late to arrive here and I apologize. I had the wrong address.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

I didn't know where to go. No, there. It's. It's really with you a little bit.

[B]

It kind of is.

[A]

There's gonna be a sweet spot. You're gonna rotate it like another.

[B]

You know.

[A]

What's 15 degrees?

[B]

Never bothered me. Okay, whatever.

[A]

We did it.

[B]

I guess I'm fine. It's still touching my shoulder, but I don't care. It can touch me.

[A]

So brave.

[B]

Thank you. I'm working on it.

[A]

It's really brave of you to suffer through that.

[B]

So I see a wedding ring on your finger. You're married.

[A]

I am married, yeah.

[B]

When did you get married?

[A]

I got married in 2019. I've been married six years. I do math pretty good.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you feel like it's going well? I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening.

[A]

I think so. I think it's going pretty well.

[B]

It's Going better than I'm doing right here so far on this show.

[A]

Listen, if every episode is like this, you're doing great.

[B]

It's not okay then.

[A]

Not your best work, but that's okay. There's still time to fix this. We've got a whole podcast to do.

[B]

It can only go up from here.

[A]

It can only go up.

[B]

So how did you meet your wife?

[A]

I met my wife through a mutual friend who I went to college with and she did teach for America with.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then that friend was living in Chicago, where I'm from. I was visiting that friend. My wife was similarly visiting that friend. We hit it off for a weekend and then move. Went back to our respective places. She was in Baltimore, I was in New York. And then I tricked her into doing a long distance relationship for two years. Wow. Pretty fucking cool. And then.

[B]

Well, how did you trick her?

[A]

Persistence and begging and sort of like constant.

[B]

You kept it going?

[A]

I kept it going.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Real hard for two years. And at some point it became, hey, what are we doing?

[B]

She said that.

[A]

I think we both felt that after two years of riding the bus, that's a long time to go get some pussy. It's pretty. It's a bummer. You know what I mean? You start reflecting, you go, this is a three hour ride for pussy. This doesn't feel right to me.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

And obviously a beautiful person attached to that pussy. But pussy at some point was the primary focus.

[B]

Of course, it's.

[A]

It's how it always works. And so we decided that New York wasn't the best option for her where I was. And so LA was. Was the next best option. So we moved to LA together.

[B]

Wow. So y' all just went straight to the west side?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Is that where you guys are now?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you like it?

[A]

Yeah. I've been there eight years now I have two children. I'm raising youths. All on our own. We're doing it. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. You have a kid?

[B]

I do.

[A]

How old?

[B]

He's nine months old on Monday.

[A]

Whoa. Still wet. That's cool. That's awesome. Congratulations.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

How old are your kids?

[A]

I have a 17 month old and I have a 4 year old.

[B]

How many months do you go before you start saying they're a year and some change?

[A]

I wouldn't have said that to an adult that isn't still in months.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know the language. So I'm talking to you like somebody that knows that language. I talk to a grown up who has, like, reasonable things going on in their life? A year and a half.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't give a shit how.

[B]

But how long do you think is to. When do you think that people should cut that out and start saying like, like, do you think you can go 24 months?

[A]

I don't think you should. I think that's nasty behavior. I think. I think we all know what two years is. We all. You know what I mean? Like, part of what months is is that they are changing so often at such like a massive scale that months matter.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, it really makes a difference in like the size and frame of this person. Yeah, but after a while, a two year old is a two year old. We all know what the fuck that looks like. We all know how to engage with it. You say hi, you move on with your life. You know what I mean? You pretend they're stronger than they are. It's basic behavior.

[B]

It would be crazy if we were like, I'm 172 months old.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

And that's cool that you know your math, but please don't say it to me.

[B]

I don't know if that's how many months old I am. I was hoping no one would fact check me. I don't know what 38 times 12 is.

[A]

I don't either, but.

[B]

But it sounds like a lot.

[A]

We're the same. Many months old, though.

[B]

But that's.

[A]

That's exciting.

[B]

That would be crazy.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't.

[B]

If I was better at math, I would do more than just this podcast in my life.

[A]

You see, I'm not helping you. I'm not jumping to your age.

[B]

Here we go. They're googling it for me. 456 months old.

[A]

That sucks.

[B]

Oh, my. I feel like a vampire.

[A]

That's a sucky thing to say out loud. Don't say that.

[B]

I won't. Ever again. But that's what I mean. Like, that would just be like, how many months is too many months to start saying they're this many months?

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think we should do months for very long.

[B]

Yeah, it's already like. I think once he gets to be like a year, I might go to like, you know what? I don't know if I'll go past 12 anyways. We can move past this month.

[A]

So are you just gonna say a year from then?

[B]

Like a year and a month or a year and three months?

[A]

Oh, you're being weird.

[B]

Is that weird?

[A]

You're still Doing it. Just commit to an age.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, if you're gonna, if you're gonna bail on it, which I respect that you're bailing on it, you got to just be like a year, a year and a half. And you stretch it so I can't.

[B]

Say like a year and three months.

[A]

I, I think you might as well just do months then.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think we all know the, the basics of that math. I'm a principled man. I stand on a firm belief that, that you either say a year or you say months, but. Yeah, but not in between.

[B]

So let's go back to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So your relationship. So you had a two year long distance relationship and then you moved to la and then you guys got married shortly thereafter.

[A]

Two years later, we got married.

[B]

So you were dating for four years?

[A]

We were dating for four years and we've been married for six.

[B]

How did you propose?

[A]

Oh, good question. I, I had a Comedy Central half hour coming out and I am not the type of person that would want a premiere party for anything. It's not very fun for me. I don't like people staring at me for any when I'm not in charge and in control of the moment. It's very uncomfortable.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I, I, if I'm doing standup, it's beautiful. I, I picked this, but otherwise, hey, don't look at me, motherfucker. Focus on your shit. But I told my wife that I did in fact want a premiere party, that I wanted to like have like a low key friends come over, we'll watch together. What I actually did was contact Comedy Central and get the like first intro minute of my special and then had my friend edit in a proposal video inside of that. So the half hour starts to play this dumb, dumb thinks we're about to watch it with our pals and then it cuts to me being like, hey, will you marry me? And then in the other room, a bunch of her friends who don't live in LA were like hiding in wait. And then I got down on one knee, she said yes, they all popped out and bang, bang.

[B]

Was she crying?

[A]

Yeah. Oh my God. Idiot. Like, like so tricked. She didn't even have a cute cry set up for herself, you know what I mean? Like a real, just, ugh, disgusting. It was perfect. I'm very proud of it.

[B]

Oh, I love that you made something that was about yourself, all about her.

[A]

Yeah, that's really, really cool. I will never do that again.

[B]

You only do that once that you.

[A]

Get, you get it once and then the rest of this is gonna be about me for forever. Always.

[B]

Forever. Yeah, it goes. It was like her little break.

[A]

Yeah. I did it so that I could tell this story on a podcast someday.

[B]

So then it comes back to you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a deeply vain person. I had no plans on keeping this just for us.

[B]

Have you always had monogamous relationships? Like, have you been in a lot of them?

[A]

I. I would probably say I'm closer to a serial monogamous. Monogam. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I am serially that much more than I am, like just around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As person.

[B]

Have you had a lot of long term relationships?

[A]

A lot. I never know what a lot is for everybody.

[B]

More than, I guess at our age. Have you had more than five?

[A]

I would say I've had like four.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Four or five, probably.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd say. Yeah, that. That sounds correct to me. I think I, for a long time envisioned myself as a married person even before I was like truly moving like that. Like, I, I'd still fuck around, but I was still like, if I find the one, I'll. I'll stop this behavior immediately.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, and yeah, I don't. Are you. Were you like that?

[B]

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[D]

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[A]

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[D]

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[A]

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[D]

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[A]

Very serially.

[B]

So serial.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even dating, I would start dating someone and I couldn't date someone. It was so hard for me to date more than one person at one time. If I liked you, it got me.

[A]

In trouble a lot because I feel like I use the same language with everybody in some ways. Like, I use intimate language in a way that I think creates an impression with people who I wasn't even attempting to be as serious with that. Like, oh, we're, we're connecting, we're bonding. I'm, like, talking to you in a way that makes you feel like maybe we are supposed to be together. And I don't even know if I feel that way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's, it's a weird burden to bear, I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like creating serial monogamy, even when it wasn't your plan.

[B]

I feel like when you are dating someone and you start to click and bond, you would want to continue seeing if that person works for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if I had a free lunch or if I wanted to, like, go to dinner with someone, I'd want to go with the person that I was clicking with.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm like, can this like, like. Cause I'd rather find out sooner than later if that's not gonna work.

[A]

Yeah. You'd hate to find yourself down the line being like, whoa. All of the things that I've invested in are completely faulty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. No, I, I, it is hard for me to sit down with a person and not want to feel like I've made this valuable in our time. And that, I think, is not always the plan with dating. I think you actually have to be like, nah, I don't need to make this feel as good as it. You know what I mean? Like, you kind of have to be a little.

[B]

Like, that is so hard.

[A]

Let's make this medium rather than like a hot, A hot experience so that we can keep this distance and maintain our positions with each other.

[B]

Yeah. I also never wanted to get myself in a debacle of really, really, really liking two people.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Because then I would have to make the hard decision of picking one.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And I am not good at that.

[A]

It's a tough phone call.

[B]

So I would just, I would know off the first date if I was going to, like, go out with you more or not.

[A]

Whoa. So you were, you were first date and then never again.

[B]

I would send a text after the first date if I knew. If I was like, really don't think this is going to go anywhere, but I still liked you. Like, as a friend. I would send a really nice text.

[A]

We're not friends.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And we went out once. I don't know you. Let's cut out this friendship. I. Look, I fully respect the text message. I think that's fantastic.

[B]

Look, it was that or ghosting.

[A]

Sure, sure. And I've been ghosted in that. That one hurts.

[B]

What would you prefer? Getting the friend text or get ghosted?

[A]

I don't like friend would make me rage in my apartment. I. I think friend would make me take a shower at a weird temperature.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I would say that ghosting similarly is deeply painful and never resolves itself. At least friend, I go, oh, I know what this is. And while I am angry, I can move on with my life. Ghosting is like I'm still wandering the streets, staring up at buildings, hoping you'll be looking down and we can resolve this kind of thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever gone back to an example?

[A]

Yes. I. I had an ex that I had a lot of on and off again sort of behavior with when I was living in Boston. I lived in Boston for three years and we were on and off for like a year and a half there. And that's. That's a bummer.

[B]

That's hard.

[A]

You know, it's not going to work. We knew the whole time that this was like built on fucking tissue paper. And, and there were. It just. We couldn't.

[B]

So what do you think it is that keeps you going with someone like that?

[A]

My, my, my. Now, in, in retrospect, I can sort of look at this with hindsight and say it was, it was sadness, really. Yeah. I think I was just like, alone in a city.

[B]

You didn't have anyone else.

[A]

I had other people, like companions. But I didn't feel grounded enough in my own, like, life. I was living in Boston. I moved there for grad school to, to get a master's in poetry and then parlayed that. Took that sweet deal that I set up for myself and parlayed that into a teaching job at a local high school. Neither of which were my dream at this point because I wanted to be doing stand up comedy full time. And so I am being abused by children during the day and struggling to piece it together at night in a city that I don't like. And so A lady that consistently cares about me felt like safety, regardless of the fact that, like, we did not get along at all.

[B]

Hold on. So you were getting a master's in poetry?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What were you going to do with that degree?

[A]

Thank you for asking. My plan was to write poetry well enough that I would then get a professor job at a college, and then I would publish books and teach children or young adults how to write their own poems. Was it gonna make me a lot of money? It was not, but I. But I thought that that was the type of investment I was ready to make as a hard future for myself.

[B]

Well, I think it's great that you could realize.

[A]

I like how you're speaking to me like an idiot. No, Well, I think that's special.

[B]

Hold on. I think it's great that you know that that wasn't going to make you a lot of money because when I went to college, I also studied. Studied poetry.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

And I self published a book of poetry, and I thought I was gonna make a million dollars.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You thought you were gonna be Jewel?

[B]

I thought I was gonna be Shakespeare.

[A]

Oh, you thought this was like, bro.

[B]

I went to Shakespearean literature. I went to English literature. I thought I was like the next coffee table book.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Yeah. So I self published 500 copies of this book that I wrote. Which, by the way, I found the books. So if any of y' all wanted to buy one for $10, I was.

[A]

Gonna say it's certainly not on the shelf.

[B]

It should be on the shelf. I found the copies. I'm moving and I found all the copies of my book. So anyway, I self published 500 copies of the book.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

I sold one.

[A]

No.

[B]

To a skateboarder who felt bad for me on the Venice boardwalk.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

So I have 400.

[A]

You were selling them in Venice? Yeah. My God.

[B]

With them in front of me. And I thought I was going to sell out.

[A]

Muscle men don't want your palms.

[B]

Nobody wanted my poem. This sad little skater boy didn't even want my palms.

[A]

That's so sad. Or you charging for your book 10?

[B]

$13.

[A]

$13?

[B]

Because it cost me like 10 a book to make. So I was like, I'll make $3.

[A]

Yeah. That's not even a good price point. That sucks because you. Because for it to be 10, that means you really invested in the quality of this book. This isn't like a chapbook. This is. This is a legit.

[B]

It was a book.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Congratulations.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

You survived what should have been an Insurmountable choice.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, you really, like, you put in a lot of money, you failed, and that happens. And then look at you now, thriving. Congratulations.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I love that we both had this, like, poetry bond here.

[A]

We are not losers the way that we planned to be.

[B]

Yeah. It's nice to know that someone else out there in the world today.

[A]

Ain't that cool?

[B]

Was into poetry.

[A]

We survived.

[B]

We did it. So you knew that this ex of yours was not the one, but you kept going back and forth. How did you know that your wife now was the one?

[A]

Oh, that's. I think so often partnership sort of gets landed on this. Like, you. You are like my other half. You are this person that sort of like, that completes every. You complete my sentences. You know me so well, and I think what I've found more with my wife is that, like, she is a partner in the truest sense of. Like, we are. Are often in disagreement, but we are figuring out ways to negotiate in the healthiest way to find ourselves fully activated with each other. And so, like, it isn't always a person that completes my sentences. In fact, we argue most often about her choosing the end of a sentence that I wasn't about to choose. I wasn't even about to say that. Shut up. I had a whole other plan. And here she come being like, I know what you're gonna say. And it's like, I wasn't. That's not it. But she really is really just a beautiful person and a person that activates me in my truest sense and forgives all of the. The parts of that activation that other people probably would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, why are you behaving this way?

[B]

Is there anything she does that just gets on your nerves?

[A]

Yeah, that one, the one I mentioned before, is pretty big for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She also. She led me to believe she's a cleaner person than I. Then I've come to find she's not a dirty person. I want to be clear that I. She is a junkie person. Our home is not, like, covered in crumbs, but she is, like, clothes everywhere.

[B]

Oh, she's a female.

[A]

Yeah. And I, I, I don't. Yeah, I don't care for that. I'm a big fan of your work. The. The female group in general. I'm a. I like what's happening there. Yeah, y' all gotta clean up. I know it's not. Okay, well, and. And if you're not going to clean up, show me. Show me when I Meet you that you're a dirty bird.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No way.

[A]

That's not fair.

[B]

Why would we show that?

[A]

I showed you. I watched anime in front of you. You know what I mean?

[B]

Did she do your laundry?

[A]

No.

[B]

What?

[A]

That's private.

[B]

She still, to this day, doesn't do your laundry.

[A]

No. Don't even touch it. Stay out of that.

[B]

You're kidding.

[A]

Get out of here.

[B]

Okay, then maybe she should hang up her clothes.

[A]

She's got to hang up her. We all got responsibilities in the house. My children, someday they'll have chores. And how am I going to discipline them? How am I going to make sure they do their chores when their mother doesn't do hers?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's right. I'm brave.

[B]

So what do you do? Do you do a lot of housework? I'm intrigued.

[A]

I am responsible for most of the cleaning in the house, but I don't cook, and I draw a hard line on that. I'm not interested in it. Yeah, don't ask me. I'll occasionally do a little bit of prep work. If you got, like, a meal. You know what I mean? If you order something and, like, it needs some cutting, I got you. But beyond that, I'm not cooking shit. So my exchange, my offering was that I'll make sure the dishes are taken care of.

[B]

Wow, that is so kind of.

[A]

I'm a generous person.

[B]

That is pretty generous.

[A]

Are you doing all the housework?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

But I don't really work.

[A]

Okay, fair enough.

[B]

I mean, this. Does this count? Does this count?

[A]

That's not for me to decide. I'm happy to be here.

[B]

I'm happy to be here, too. I feel like this is, like my fun time. Like, I have a really good time doing this, so I don't really consider it work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't really do much.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Outside of this. So my husband does all the work.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

So I don't expect him to do anything at home because I'm at home all day.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

So I do the home stuff, and then he does all the stuff outside.

[A]

I like that. It's coming from a very reasoned perspective on your end. I think sometimes that dynamic people go like, well, he's making you. You're like, no, no, no. This is.

[B]

No. It's like the only thing I can do. Otherwise, I feel inadequate.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I have to do something.

[A]

Don't say inadequate. That's a bummer. But yeah.

[B]

Did you change diapers?

[A]

Yeah. Man, what a psychopath. Your husband doesn't change diapers.

[B]

He won't change a poopy diaper. Really?

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Throw up if he sees poop.

[A]

I didn't even know that was an option. I thought that ended with like, my, my papa.

[B]

No. When he, whenever he comes in, if I need his assistance changing a poopy diaper, he will put his shirt all the way over his head. He'll take his collar to put his head all the way in and he will grab the kid's legs and he'll hold the legs like this and he won't look and he won't smell anything and he'll just hold his legs.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

He cannot see poop or he will actually gag now.

[A]

Okay, I have questions.

[E]

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[C]

If we knew more about our sleep, what would we do differently? Would we go to bed at a consistent time or take steps to reduce interruptions to our sleep? With the all new Sleep score, Apple Watch measures your bedtime consistency, interruptions and sleep duration. Then every morning it combines these factors into an easy to understand score from 1 to 100. So you'll know how to take the quality of your sleep from good to excellent. Introducing the new Sleep Score on Apple Watch. IPhone 11 or later required because the man wipes.

[A]

So I know what is the hangup. Is it poop in general? Is he like dog poop?

[B]

Maybe he's faking it.

[A]

I think he. I think and I Have I been tricked? I want to be careful with the words I use, but I've learned about gaslighting pretty recently.

[B]

He's tricking me.

[A]

I think he's fucking with you pretty hard because I know men. Men send each other pictures of their poops to laugh.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

This man ain't. He's not that fearful of baby. Also, baby poop isn't even real poop yet. It's like mostly mush until they start eating real foods. This isn't even the terror that we expect it to be.

[B]

I've been tricked.

[A]

You've been tricked. Now wait till your your son starts like really taking down like stakes and shit. That's a Poop. That's when you do got to put a shirt over your face. Yeah. You want him out of the diapers pretty fast once it's a human turd inside of the womb. Yeah. It's a great first date, I'd say.

[B]

Yeah, I would too. So how old are your children?

[C]

Four.

[A]

And then I'm gonna say one and a half. I said. I think I said 17 months before.

[B]

But you have a four year old too.

[A]

I have a four year old, yeah.

[B]

Do you have girls or boys or both?

[A]

I have a girl and then I had a boy.

[B]

Wow. You have the best of both worlds.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I would say girls are just objectively better, but I got the best that boys can offer.

[B]

Was the girl easier?

[A]

Girls are easier. Yeah. And everybody I talk to seems to feel the same way. So I'm now standing on it pretty firm.

[B]

I think girls advance faster.

[A]

They advance faster. They're. They're not as eager to crush their skulls. They. They are just sweeter to you in a way that. That boys are sometimes, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A little harder.

[B]

I thought my son was going to like, be cuddly and cute. Like all he wants to do is smash things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I build up little things for him to play with and then he just comes over and just goes. Just knocks it all over.

[A]

And I'm like, what's wrong with you, man?

[B]

Yeah, he doesn't want to cuddle. Doesn't want to lay down. If I lay him down, he screams bloody murder. I'm like, okay, we don't want to cuddle.

[A]

Yeah. My son is a cuddler. But then he's also the smash things person. And that is.

[B]

Well, maybe by a year and a half, mine will be like that too.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe he'll find a little sweetness on the back end.

[B]

Somewhere deep inside he's storing up those sweet.

[A]

The sweet inside of him.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

It'll all come out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, I very much think that girls just are more like even sleep. My daughter just slept from three months in. She was doing 12 hours a night. It was beautiful. And the boy still don't sleep. He's still just awake more often than he should be. And that's. The fuck is wrong with him. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Big fan. I love him so much. But fix it. That's. I'd like it fixed.

[B]

How far into your relationship until you said I love you?

[A]

I think probably like six, seven months.

[B]

Okay. I think this was long distance too, right?

[A]

This was long distance. So I think we, we found it relatively early. I think that's early. I don't think that's like a crazy amount of time. Maybe.

[B]

I think for long distance that's a good amount of time.

[A]

Yeah, we, we were like, no, this is something. So let's be committed to something. Not just we did that. Do you remember that the New York Times used to have that, that game or that, that partner game where like if you, it's like 16 questions to make you fall in love and it was like a actual like thing where you sit down with your person and you ask each other these questions back and forth and in theory by the, you should either be deeply in love with this person or want to part ways. And we did it and, and did feel like we were in love. It's, it makes me feel like a, an idiot that I fell for a trick, but.

[B]

Yeah, well, she made you fall for her trick of not doing laundry or picking up her clothes.

[A]

Yeah, no, she never.

[B]

So that's fair.

[A]

She's never gonna clean up and, and I'm okay with it, but I wish it would change.

[B]

How, how long into dating until you introduced her to your parents? Uh.

[A]

Huh. I don't value that too much.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I don't remember how long it was, but I'm not the type of person that would have needed her to go.

[B]

Home and like meet the house and.

[A]

Get my mother's approval to make that happen. I think that meant more to her. She has a mom and an aunt that like, if they didn't like me, it would have been like truly damaging to our relationship.

[B]

So when did you get to meet them?

[A]

I met them like probably like four or five months in something like that. Yeah. And they were, they were very sweet and it, I like went to her mom's house and they have like matching houses a block away from each other. So the aunt was there and I had to like do a formal intake interview with these two women and they were very nice to me and we ate cake. It was. Yeah, it was a nice time. It was very sweet.

[B]

That is cute.

[A]

How long were you, you and your husband dating before you got married?

[B]

Like two years.

[A]

Okay. We're similar. Yeah, well, we were double that. Okay. Yeah. You guys did it on the quicker end, I would say.

[B]

But we were, we were here and we were living together and so we were. If it would have been long distance, we probably would have done the same thing. Like two years long distance. Two years living together?

[A]

Yeah. I think two years living together feels very like established. I know what? This is?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've been in it. I've had a year to accept it, and I've had a year to change my mind on it. I'm ready to take whatever the next step is.

[B]

Yeah. Do you feel nervous moving in with someone?

[A]

Is. This is the only woman I've ever lived with.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Well, that's not true. I've most. I've had a lot of female roommates, but I have not ever lived with a partner before my wife.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

Yeah. I. I had a lot of playing house with people.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We were. You know, I'd be at your house for two, three days at a time, but I wasn't ever changing my address for anybody. That seems crazy.

[B]

I would move in with people pretty quick.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah. And it always got me in trouble.

[A]

Damn. What. What do you think was always the key, like, sign that trouble was coming in that. In that setup. Like, is there a trend that we can follow as we trace that behavior?

[B]

I like things to be kind of, like, routine oriented.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so I like to, like. I like to wake up in the morning. I like to go work out. I like to go grocery shopping. I like to do my thing. And I would find that when I would move in with people, my routine would get sidelined. And so I would stop being like, things that I want to do because I would be having to cater to somebody else. And that always just, like, started to weigh me down. And then I'm like, mmm. And then I would have to, like, break up with them and move out. And breaking up and moving out, the least seems harder. Oh. I would leave them with the least.

[A]

Oh, okay. You're not. You're not a hero in this story.

[B]

I'm not trying to get a gold star. No. I'm just trying to get the fuck out.

[A]

You're mad at them and you're punishing them. Yeah.

[B]

If I don't like you anymore, I'm like, sorry, dude.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's nuts. Yeah. Wait, so you and your husband, I assume, then match routines. That's how you found peace? Is that this person?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he would just let me do my thing. He would wake up and have to go to work and do his thing, and so I would just have the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do.

[A]

Ah. So that's really what this was. Was you just were like, I don't. I don't need anybody creating checks and balances over here.

[B]

I. Yeah, I got, like. Yeah. I got to do my thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I got to come home Every night I would cook, and then he'd come home and we'd eat and we'd have fun. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it was easy.

[A]

That's dope.

[B]

It was really easy.

[A]

I do think that that, in some ways, is what long distance empowered in our relationship was. Like, I. It was really sweet almost in that, like, I knew I had a set time where I could speak to you and where you weren't at work, and I wasn't running off to a club somewhere. And we would talk, and we would have, like, these really important, healthy, cool conversations. But then I get to go around. Not cheat, but just around. Out. Out doing whatever it is I want to do as a young person in New York City. And so, yeah, just. It. It made me feel like I had, like, freedom without. Without losing my youth almost.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like partner up with somebody.

[B]

What. What did you guys do for dates? Whenever you would travel long distance, so you had this long distance. What would y' all do when y' all would meet up?

[A]

I mean, we. She lived in, like, a cool part of Baltimore that had, like, a lot going on, so we were hitting museums and, like, trying weird restaurants. Pokemon Go was out at the time. You know, we were chasing that Snorlax. We were. We're out in the streets doing weird stuff like that. And then New York, you know, it's New York. We. There's always a party going on. There was always sort of a way. And also, I lived in a shitty apartment where the stairs were literally, like, sideways. Like, at certain points, they were just, like, caving in. And the room was set up in a way, or the apartment was set up in a way where it was me and another lady who lived together, and we shared a kitchen, but had two separate rooms on the other side. That her room should have been a living room, but she chose it as a bedroom. And so I got the bedroom, and then the bathroom was in the hallway of this brownstone. And so we would have. You would have to leave your apartment in order to go use the bathroom.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

So I can't ask a lady to, like, just chill here for the weekend. Yeah, we had to keep busy.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was a nightmare. That's. That sounds terrible.

[A]

We survived. You know, that's what that poetry degree does.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

It puts you in a place where you reason with pooping outside of your apartment, and then eventually you walk it back and you go, no, I deserve better than that. I can be better than what this is. Yeah.

[B]

So LA is working out better.

[A]

Louisiana is working out better. Yeah.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

We're chilling.

[B]

So, having a poetic background, would you consider yourself romantic?

[A]

I think I am romantic in my sensibilities. I don't think I'm romantic in my actions always. I don't think that, like, I am. Like I'm buying flowers often or like, you know, setting up weird massages you didn't expect. I. I think I am more romantic in. In time and sort of like the. The reminder of how I feel about you. I think I. I do a good job of reminding my, like you are the. In my person, but I don't think I'm like, hitting her with. With big surprises and shit.

[B]

I mean, you already did that when you proposed.

[A]

I gave her one, you know. Yeah.

[B]

That was a big one.

[A]

The fact that the idea that I should have to plan another one is unreasonable to me. Yeah, I. I think I. I did all the planning I should ever have to do. From now on, it's on you, sister.

[B]

What did your wedding look like?

[A]

It was dope. We. I shouldn't say this on camera. We. We bought a ton of Molly. This is 2019. Fentanyl wasn't as.

[B]

Terry. Yeah.

[A]

A threat as it is now, but we bought literally, like an insane amount of molly and we're disseminating it throughout the wedding to people who we knew hearts wouldn't explode from the drug. And so everybody was just on Molly and everybody was really having a great time. And to this day, my wife's mom, she has a friend who regularly goes, man, that was a good wedding. Everybody was just so nice. That was just so cool, man. Everybody. Damn. I met so many cool people. And it wasn't until very recently that he found out that everybody was on drugs. It's because everybody was super high. Allegedly.

[B]

Yeah. Where did you guys get married?

[A]

We got married in la. We got married at this really cool venue that had like, it. It looked like a piece of. On the outside, but on the inside it's like this beautiful indoor, outdoor, sort of like mixed space. And it's like all wood and, like old and like lit by candlelight and pretty. Yeah, it was really nice and has a tree built on the inside. It's really crazy.

[B]

That sounds really pretty, but it was nice.

[A]

Yeah, it was a sweet wedding. 125 people max.

[B]

That's a lot of people.

[A]

That's not bad. Yeah. How big was your wedding?

[B]

We are planning our wedding. We haven't had a wedding yet.

[A]

Okay. Very exciting.

[B]

We'll probably have ours sometime in January, but it's going to Be like this upcoming January. Yeah. Like two months away.

[A]

Whoa. That's not how people plan weddings.

[B]

No, I'm, I hired a wedding planner.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yesterday.

[A]

So you have been. I was about to say, if you hired a wedding planner and this is her plan. This sucks.

[B]

Yesterday. No, she was like, at that, at, at the end of our call, she goes, I love a challenge. And I was like, good.

[A]

You, you really.

[B]

You got one.

[A]

You whooped your own ass right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In a two months here.

[B]

I don't even know where we're going doing it. I don't know. I don't know what venue. I haven't sent out a single invite, and it's two months away.

[A]

Wow. People are going to be dressed so funny at your wedding. Do you know what I mean? They're gonna have on silly outfits. That's cool. They don't wear silly because they don't even know.

[B]

They're gonna be like, no, we're probably gonna send out invites in like a month.

[A]

She has a podcast. Maybe she wants us to podcast those.

[B]

Everyone's going to get a one month heads up and they're going to be like, oh, wow, their wedding is next month. Damn. And that's how it's going to be.

[A]

That's going to. But you know what's going to be great about it is you're not even going to have time to get bogged down with the frills that sometimes weddings demand and aren't the fun part of the wedding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, truly, the best part of our wedding was when the DJ came on and everybody hit the dance floor. There wasn't a speech that I needed. Do you know what I mean? There wasn't like a, a formality that I wish. Oh, my God. I, I, if only we had more time for that. It was just everybody partying and in a photo booth and doing drugs and being drunk together. Because it's the. Truly. One of the only times where everybody you love is willing to, to put that type of, like, commitment into it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you won't be bogged down with any of that.

[B]

None of it.

[A]

You're not even gonna have a photo booth.

[B]

I'm not even gonna have a dj.

[A]

You're gonna beatbox at your wedding.

[B]

I'm just gonna pull out my wedding or my phone and tell Alexa to play some music and I'll just have someone create a playlist.

[A]

Alexa won't be ready in two months. Are you crazy? They gotta reboot the system. That's at least, least six months. Yeah.

[B]

It's gonna be. It's gonna be a real shit show.

[A]

No, you're gonna have a great time.

[B]

So I do have my wedding dress.

[A]

Oh, great. So that's why you're willing to do this.

[B]

I'm already good. I'm good to go. It's done. I have it. It's been altered so I know what I'm wearing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So as most women are like, I don't know what to wear, I know what I'm wearing.

[A]

I think you've crossed the biggest hurdle for yourself. And therefore you're like, everybody else can figure out it out.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, just show up if you're free on this day, come have some fun. We'll have great food and all you can drink, and we're just going to have, like a big party.

[A]

That's so cool. And it's Austin, so, you know, you will have great food.

[B]

Yeah. So it's.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

We'll just see what happens. We're going to around and find out.

[A]

I'm excited for you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

How many people do you imagine?

[B]

300.

[A]

300.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Lauren, I know, I know you're being unreasonable.

[B]

I'm going to send out an Evite and I'm going to send it to everyone that I know.

[A]

Listen, it's 2025, soon to be 2026. Things can be done in a multitude of ways.

[B]

Am I crazy?

[A]

This isn't how they do it. Oh, but. But I'm so excited for you. I can't believe 300.

[B]

300 people. And they're going to find out in like a month.

[A]

That's so cool. Yeah, they're gonna find out after this podcast is released.

[B]

Yeah. They're gonna be like, oh, shit, I better get ready.

[A]

We're breaking news right now to a bunch of people that you're inviting to your wedding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's so crazy. Yeah. Good for you.

[B]

Thanks. I'll let you know how it goes.

[A]

This is great.

[B]

Yeah. At least it's gonna get done.

[A]

You know, I think. I think the other part of what a wedding is that I really wish I could have figured out. Tell me is all I really wanted was just a big ass party. And like sometimes a big ass party can. Can be made at your favorite bar or restaurant. And then you just do you. You turn off the music for a second and go, hey, y', all, this dude's gonna say some words and I'm gonna say some words and we gonna kiss and then we gonna keep the party going. And yeah, like you don't necessarily have to walk down an aisle and make it, you know, all the things that you. You imagined it to be.

[B]

Yeah, I have a really long train on my dress.

[A]

Okay. So you do need to walk down the line.

[B]

So we do need to walk down the aisle.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I'm gonna take that dress off and change into something more comfortable.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like my pajamas.

[A]

I keep trying. I keep trying to negotiate with you.

[B]

I know you keep trying to give me ways to make it easier, but it can't be easy. That's why I've spent time, a fortune on a wedding planner. And I'm like, you just figure all this out and make it my dream come true. Please. You have one month.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

That's okay. She does it. She said she likes a challenge.

[A]

She likes a challenge.

[B]

She.

[A]

She said that to your face?

[B]

She did. She was like, I love a challenge. And I'm like, well, if you love one, I'll keep them coming.

[A]

Yeah, she said it. Then she hung up the zoom and she yelled at her husband. She's like, no, you changed the diaper today. Somebody else has to change them. I'm fucked. So.

[B]

So anyway, where can people find you?

[A]

Oh, that's. You can find me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. And I have a podcast. It's called My Mama Told Me. We Talk About Black Conspiracy Theories with black People. I'm sorry, you're not invited.

[B]

Damn it. But my last name is Compton.

[A]

That's. That's cool.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I imagine the man who originally owned it, maybe you're connected to him somehow, but it's not always good news when you trace the history.

[B]

I'll just take it back a notch. That sounds fun.

[A]

Yeah, it's really fun. And, yeah, I run it with my friend David Bore, and it's great, but otherwise, yeah, social media and shit.

[B]

Thank you for coming on my show.

[A]

Thanks for having me.

[B]

This was so fun.

[A]

I had a great time.

[B]

Thank you. And thank you guys for watching another super fun episode. We'll you see. See you next time. First date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner?

[A]

First date. I can't wait.

[B]

You told your mom about me? Just say you're ready. Delete my number.

[A]

First date.

[B]

Your parents are your roommate. First date.