Transcript
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Greg Fitzsimmons (1:09)
Hey, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. Fresh off my tour of Canada and Pittsburgh, Canada was amazing. Thank you people for coming out. I didn't know they got the Internet up there, but a lot of people had seen my special and they came out and they were amazing. Toronto, Canada and Hamilton, Canada, which is sort of like an hour and a half south of Toronto, but had a blast, little hectic. Flew into Pittsburgh on Friday. My flight was delayed. Air Canada sucks a bag of dicks. Can we just say that out of the gate? It is. They're just notorious for canceling and delaying flights. So anyway, my flight was four and a half hours delayed. I landed at 7pm and the show time was seven. No, I landed at 6:15. The show time was at seven and it was an hour away. So they delay the show a little bit. I literally changed in the car, into my tuxedo, got there and walked right on stage and the crowd couldn't. Been better. Pittsburgh, PA. I gotta tell you something. The Improv. The staff at the Improv is among the best in the country. They treated me like gold. They ran a good show, policed the audience well, gave me good food. They just, I just felt special and, and the crowds made me feel special. It was just one of these we, you know, I'm on the road a lot and I have, I have weekends that I come home depleted and frustrated and I have nights I go to the hotel room feeling depressed. This was one of the weekends you come home feeling kind of invigorated, kind of excited about standup again. Something about Pittsburgh, it's just, the crowds are just real America. It's blue collar, but it's kind of smart blue collar and they can take a joke. You can Shit on them. I talked. You know, it's the kind of city that people don't leave. Like, the people, you ask them where you from? They all say Pittsburgh. It's not like being in Austin where nine out of 10 people are from another city. Nobody comes there, nobody leaves there. It's just Pittsburgh. It is what it is. And I just had. I had so much fun. The hotel was crazy because it was a lot of people staying there that had come in to see me from West Virginia and Ohio that were staying at the hotel. It was fucking crazy. So many people came in and there was a couple next to me. The hotel room next. It was a beautiful day on Saturday. So I got the. I've got a sliding glass door to a little patio and I can hear people having sex, like from three feet away. There is a couple fucking on their patio. I mean, I literally, if I had leaned out, I could have. I could have stood there and watched them. And they were. And this woman, I felt like I need. The way she was enjoying it, the cursing, the moaning. I felt like I needed to go home and give my wife an apology because I haven't fucked. That was fucking. And. And I wanted to applaud them. When they were done, they sustained. It was a solid 30 minutes. And I could tell, you know, you try to picture them, of course, and they were. In my mind, they were overweight, middle aged black people. And does that sound racist? I don't know, maybe it does, but that's what they sounded like to me. And then that evening I left to go to the show. I walked out of my room at the same time they did. The middle age, black, overweight couple from next door stepped right out into the hallway. I don't know if they saw the sly grin on my face or the twinkle in my eye, but I like to think they knew that I knew. You don't make noises like that and not assume that your neighbors are all in on it. So that was kind of exciting. And then. This is crazy. I was thinking about Pittsburgh. It's very racially diverse. And the hotel had a lot of black people. And I'm getting off the elevator on Sunday and there is. I'm going up the elevator with these kind of older Pittsburgh Steeler jacket wearing couple, big belly on the guy. And the elevator door is open to our floor, the third floor, and there is a black couple opening up their door. They got the key and they're about to open up the door. And the white couple that I'm on the elevator with the guy goes, are you allowed to be here? And it was a needle scratching in my head. A needle scratching. I was like, what is. Should I get my phone out? What's happening? And. And the black guy kinda spins his head around and he said, what? And then the guy said, was it a Phillies jacket? The guy opening the door, the black guy had like a Phillies jacket on? No, no, a Redskins jacket on. And that's what he met. And he goes, Redskins or something. And I was just like, oh, my God, thank God. You don't know what year it is when you're in different parts of the country. It's different years. It's different decades altogether in some places. So I go to the show and I get an email from the club owner and he says to me, I should read it to you. I'm going to actually read it to you because this was. This was pretty amazing. The club, you know, the comics are all pretty close and everybody is very supportive of each other. And then I get an email that said text that says, hi, Greg Paul at the club here. Would you be open to a. Open to adding a guest spot tonight? It would be. And he says the guy's name. A local comic that has been touring for a while, a good comedian and he's been battling cancer. He was told by doctors that he only had a few weeks to live two months ago. He. He hosted here earlier this month. It really helps his spirits. I don't normally ask for something like this, but wanted to get him on stage again as he just got out of the hospital today. So I write back immediately. I write, fuck that guy. And then I let it sit. Here's the beauty of me is I didn't immediately write another text. I let it sit. I gave it two minutes. No, a minute. I gave it a minute to. Two minutes to germinate. And then I wrote, just kidding, of course, love to have him on. And so I went over and the guy comes in and he was. His name is Mark and he had just come from some kind of treatment. He doesn't look good and he's the sweetest guy you've ever met. I mean, he's just one of these guys you just. You want to take care of. He's just a sweetheart and he goes on stage and he crushes. He. He performed like. He just had such rhythm and timing and smart jokes and it was perfect personal. He's just got something very vulnerable about him on stage. And he didn't say to anybody in the crowd that he was sick. But I was just amazed. And also did his time. Did his time. If I'm about to die of cancer, I'm going long. Fuck the feature, fuck the headliner. I'm going to do. I'm going to do an hour. I'm going to do a one man show. I'm going to sop it up. Because if this cheers the guy, and I'd be all for it if this cheers the guy up, keep going, dude. But yeah, he was great. And I just was thinking about that, like, would I still go on stage if I knew I had, you know, weeks or months to go? And I guess I probably would. I mean, what else. What else are you going to do? When you're a comedian, you want to do the thing that brings you joy, that validates you. I think all the other bullshit falls away except the people that you really love the most and the thing that you love the most. So. And he was a little emotional and he was very honest about it. We talked in the green room. So anyways, that was interesting. We also had. We had some funny audience interactions. We had this woman's. This woman's in the front row and she's alone and she's adorable. And I asked her how old she is, and she says she's 27. And I said, why are you sitting alone at my comedy show? And she goes, I got stood up. I go, get the fuck out of here. You. You got stood up? And she was very gentle and nice. And I go. I go, who stood you up? And she told me that she'd gone on a Tinder date with this guy and then this was supposed to be their second date and that he canceled on her. I go, did he cancel? Like, did you show up to the show and he just didn't arrive? And she goes, no, he canceled like a few hours ago. And I go, and you came anyway by yourself. I said, good for you. I said, that's ballsy. That says a lot about you.