Transcript

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Foreign. Happy New year, people. First podcast of 2026, and man, we're off to a running start. Uh, if you've got your bingo card. Venezuela, cross that off. Greenland. Coming up, Mexico. Coming up, Cuba. Oh, the new world order. It's so simple to see. Russia takes Europe, China takes Asia, we take all the Americas. And then Africa fucking figures it out. I don't know who's taking Africa, but everybody's already taken Africa. Every European countries already fucking colonized Africa. So now they're left with the rubble, with what's left. I think China actually is in Africa now. I don't know. It's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to say David Tell is my guest. Holy mother of God is there. He hates to hear that he's my favorite comedian, or anybody's. Everybody considers the best comedian, but whatever, I won't get into that. But he's on. We had a talk last week in New York and I know that Attel hates being interviewed. He doesn't want to be asked about his life. He doesn't want to just hang. And so I basically pulled together topical events from the year and I just peppered him with topics and he just lob home run, lob home run the whole time. Just unbelievable. I know you're gonna love it. You're gonna love him. Maybe you like me. Maybe. Some people don't listen to this podcast very much. They're tuning in because of Dave Attell. So thank you for joining me. I was just in New York for a couple weeks when I saw Attell. I went to church with my mom on Christmas. She of course, we get there late and she of course parks in the priests only parking spot because we're late. She goes, well, he's already here. Yeah, I think he lives there. Maybe he doesn't need a car at all. But I'm always struck because I grew up going to church, and I'm not here to knock the church. Certainly if my mom's listening to this podcast, she won't appreciate the next five or 10 minutes. But it is ghoulish when you walk into a church and Jesus is up there. And I mean, this is obviously been talked about quite a bit, but if somebody murdered and tortured my only son, I don't think that I would put a replica of it on the wall of my home. That seems almost like it's supposed to instigate anger. Like I feel. You feel angry. You feel like that's fucking. That's my fucking God. That's Jesus. Look what they did to him. And they could mean, you know, depending on what way of thinking you are, could be the Jews, could be the devil. Like. Like Christianity is telling you, okay, this should piss you off. You should be mad at the devil. So it's motivating you to fight against evil. I always say fight against the. But isn't fighting against the tenets of Christianity isn't. Ven. Isn't revenge not really. Where you want to be? So anyway, I'm listening to the sermon and the guy talks about the guy, the priest. The priest was talking about. I swear to you. This is in the homily. I think they call it the homily, which is the opening little. The little speech the priest gives. And he says that Joseph was going to get a divorce when he found out that Mary was pregnant. Did you know that? That's. That's in the Bible. He was going to get a divorce. And then God came to him. Which, first of all, you know, Joseph, they had to be busting his balls when that happened. You know, like, God comes down. No, no, no, no, it's cool. God. Guys, guys, guys. I know how this looks. But God came down and he did it. And so it's God. Which, first of all, is it okay. Is it okay for anybody to have sex with your wife? And. And then like, hey. Yeah. And they're like, hey, Joseph, why was she a virgin?

Summary

Fitzdog Radio – Episode 1122

Guest: Dave Attell

Release Date: January 9, 2026

Episode Overview

Greg Fitzsimmons opens the first podcast of 2026 with acclaimed comedian Dave Attell, marking a high-energy, riff-heavy conversation after a long friendship and professional partnership. The episode revolves around a rapid-fire, year-in-review format—Greg peppers Dave with topical events from 2025 and broader cultural topics, eliciting classic Attell observations, darkly funny tangents, and mutual industry wisdom. The tone is relaxed but biting, alternating between comedy industry war stories and sharp commentary on news, society, technology, and personal life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Comedy Landscape & Friendship Stories (11:48–14:51)

Greg discusses the challenge of interviewing Attell, who resists standard podcast questions.
They reminisce about the international stand-up scene and past collaborations (writing gigs, “Insomniac,” “Gong Show”).
Notable quote (Greg, 11:47): “What do you ask Dave Attell that he hasn’t been asked?”

2. The Global Comedy Scene & Touring (12:17–15:30)

Dave riffs on international gigs versus U.S. comedy, with skepticism about overseas “dream gigs.”
Dave describes caregiving for his mom as a reason he avoids travel.
They joke about low pay in overseas markets, bartering for diamonds and ivory in South Africa.

3. California Fires, Disaster, and Hollywood (15:30–21:46)

Greg shares harrowing stories from California wildfires—evacuations, bad air, benefit gigs, local newscaster excitement.
Dave offers comic relief about LA culture and disaster logistics.
They discuss darkly comic consequences (“moving bodies from crematoriums that later burned”), and first responders.
Memorable moment: The urban legend of a scuba diver scooped up and dropped by firefighting helicopters (21:06).

4. Renaming the Gulf, Street Names & Civic Identity (22:02–23:52)

Discussion about ridiculousness of renaming the Gulf of Mexico to "Gulf of America" (Greg: “Doesn’t sound right now.” [22:12]), and jokes about insensitive or odd city street names.
Chris Rock’s classic observation on “Martin Luther King Blvd” and “Malcolm X Blvd” is referenced.

5. LA vs. NY – Comedy, Roots, and Industry Change (24:05–28:32)

Contrasts the changing identity and rootlessness of LA with the staying power of New York.
Dave notes everyone he knows in LA is “married, locked in, and loving it—even if not working.”
Discussion of career trajectories, writing rooms past and present, lack of current sitcom jobs, impact of AI.
Notable quote (Greg on post-pandemic TV industry collapse): “Now, even if there is work, it’s not in LA anymore.” (27:38)

6. Tech, Automation, and Human Contact (28:32–32:24)

They riff on Waymo, driverless cars, and the lack of human interaction in San Francisco hotels, Uber Eats robots, and self check-ins.
Deeply comic and slightly disturbing reflection: “A whole day with no human contact” (30:34).
Dave jokes about tech workers training AI to take their own jobs.

7. Healthcare, Aging, and the Cost of Comedy Lives (33:04–34:43)

Gritty discussion of insurance costs, caregiving to aging parents, and the financial grind of not being on “TV insurance.”
Both compare running a one-person hospital for elderly parents.

8. Burial, Death, and Family Tradition (35:08–38:52)

Talks about funerals—cremation vs. burial, quirky family traditions, the oddness of cemetery culture.
Classic Attell: “Who wants to go to a cemetery at 8am? Why not at night? Bring a Ouija board, have a conversation.” (38:13)

9. Dark Local Legends – “The Gravediggers” (38:52–39:52)

Greg recalls teens digging up bodies in local cemetery for a football game with human limbs—sets the tone for their no-limits humor.

10. The First American Pope & Cultural Commentary (39:58–43:45)

Musings on an American Pope (“I want my accountant Jewish, my Pope Italian.” – Greg, 40:57), authenticity in religion, Chicago sports, and corny communion jokes.
Dave: “Deep dish communion wafer—that’s just awful.” (43:03)

11. Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce, and Celebrity Culture (47:05–48:49)

They joke about Taylor Swift's evolution from breakup songs to “private jets to the Super Bowl,” and Kelce’s future as “stay-at-home dad.”
Media’s dream pairing—America’s Sweethearts.

12. New Orleans, Comedy Festivals, and Club Scenes (69:14–73:19)

Extensive discussion on Skank Fest, the festival culture shift in comedy, and differences between club shows and wild festival energy.
Dave: “It’s hard on any kind of festival. Comedy, because they’re beat. But podcast shows—they love them.” (72:31)

13. The Ozempic Era & Changing Lifestyles (62:19–65:46)

Detailed comedic debate on America’s obsession with Ozempic, weight loss, and the collapse of “My 600 lb Life.”
Greg: “Now it’s My 200 Pound Life.” (64:30)
Commentary on body image, plastic surgery, and changing standards.

14. Relationships, Scandals, and Aging (65:54–67:28)

The infamous “Coldplay Kiss Cam” scandal—a public affair ruins lives.
Dave: “How exhausted are you, as a man, to add cheating to all that?” (66:56)

15. The Road Life: Clubs, Merch, and Travel War Stories (77:16–83:51)

Honest talk about the grind of touring, rising costs, changing social media priorities, the need for “servicing the beast” of content.
Dave describes the economics: “You spend three days there, two traveling, and the joy is just one night doing stand-up.”
They trade merch anecdotes—pins and magnets, the absurdity of carrying hundreds through TSA.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Greg on Attell’s genius: “He just lob home run, lob home run the whole time. Just unbelievable.” (00:00)
Dave on caregivers: “It’s like I’m running a one-person hospital… I should get them lab coats.” (33:39)
Dave, characteristically meta: “What, are we going to start introducing fact into podcasts?” (21:53)
Greg on the American Pope: “I want my accountant Jewish. And I want my pope Italian.” (40:57)
Dave on the cost of healthcare: “My biggest expense is my mom. I’m running a one person hospital.” (33:48)
Dave on comedy fest culture: “You gotta go off script… It’s just too wild to do your act.” (72:31)
On AI in comedy writing: “Can you, you know, there’s certain sitcoms, corny CBS sitcoms—easily, AI could write.” (28:02)
Greg, about the grind: “To keep working in clubs, I have to be more of a presence online.” (77:24)

Timestamps for Key Segments

11:48 – Dave Attell joins the show; year-in-review setup.
13:06 – Greenland and the board game Risk; “Greenland is unattainable.”
15:35 – Stories from California fires, disaster humor.
18:19 – Greg’s personal wildfire experience and asthma
21:06 – Urban legend: scuba diver dropped by helicopter in a fire.
27:38 – Hollywood writer economy post-pandemic and AI effects.
30:34 – Everything in San Francisco is automated; “no human contact.”
33:04 – Insurance, costs of caregiving, “running a one-person hospital.”
39:58 – Discussion: the new American Pope.
47:05 – Swift/Kelce engagement news run-through, celebrity culture.
55:00 – Evolution of tapes in comedy booking, “the agony of the audition.”
62:19 – The Ozempic discussion, weight-loss, and health trends.
65:54 – Coldplay Kiss Cam scandal aired and dissected.
69:14 – Skank Fest, the wildness of comedy festivals, and New Orleans’ unique scene.
77:16 – The reality of touring post-pandemic; social media and club pain.
83:21–83:51 – Plugs for upcoming dates, playful wrap-up.

Tone & Language

Honest and self-deprecating: Both hosts laugh at their own career missteps, health, and age.
Culturally biting: Classic Attell dark comedy; irreverent jabs at religion, politics, tech, and celebrity.
Fast-paced banter: Many jokes, running bits, and call-backs (especially about fire, the pope, Ozempic, and merch).
Insider-y, but accessible: Occasional deep-cut showbiz references, but always with a punchline or explanation.

Conclusion

This episode is a must-listen for fans of acerbic, inside-baseball comedy talk. Greg Fitzsimmons and Dave Attell deliver on both the laughs and hard truths about midlife, the unpredictable state of show business, and how comedy survives in an era of automation, cancellation, and ever-rising costs. It's a rare, cackle-filled rumination from two veterans with nothing to prove—and nothing to lose.

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Dave Attell - Episode 1122