Eddie Pepitone - Episode 1116

Summary

---

Fitzdog Radio: Eddie Pepitone – Episode 1116

Date: November 14, 2025
Host: Greg Fitzsimmons
Guest: Eddie Pepitone (“The Bitter Buddha”)

---

Episode Overview

In this uproarious, honest, and intimate conversation, Greg Fitzsimmons welcomes comedian Eddie Pepitone, known for his raw, rage-fueled comedy and cult status among real stand-up fans. The two discuss Eddie’s winding career path, the emotional engine behind his rage-based humor, their upbringings, the nature of dark comedy, the collapse of society (and self), and the bittersweet realities of growing older as a comic. The episode oscillates between philosophical insights, raucous personal anecdotes, and observations on show business—peppered with moments of gallows humor, vulnerability, and classic New York banter. Eddie also discusses his new special, "The Collapse," and the challenge of staying true to his comedic voice.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Role of Anger in Comedy

• Eddie’s Anger Onstage (14:00 - 15:16):

  • Eddie describes his comedic persona as one driven by “pent up hostility,” often manifesting in rage at trivial things, like road construction.
  • He notes the necessity of making rage seem absurd for it to work onstage:

    “The key to rage as a comic is you have to make it look absurd. Because if you’re truly rageful, everybody gets uptight.” – Eddie Pepitone (15:12)

• Audience Interactions & Breaking the Fourth Wall (15:16 - 16:26):

  • Stories about handling noisy audience tables, economic realities of stand-up, and the difference between “you money” and “excuse me, I was in this line before you” money.

Inheritance, Family, and Grief (16:42 - 21:30)

• Navigating Loss and Family Dynamics:
  • Eddie discusses recently losing his father and splitting an inheritance (“Excuse me, I was in this line money.”), contrasting his experience with Greg’s anticipation of someday losing his own mother.
  • The conversation pivots into sibling rivalries over inheritance, referencing Agatha Christie plots, and the practicalities of mourning versus moving on.
  • Eddie jokes about unceremoniously disposing of his mother’s body (“We just dropped my mom, body and all, from a helicopter into New York Harbor. She loved the ferry.” – 20:37).

Growing Up in New York & Italian/Jewish Heritage (21:01 - 24:16)

• Childhood Games and Gritty Nostalgia:
  • The two reminisce about New York street games like Ringolivio and Kick the Can, and how these experiences shaped their humor and worldview.
  • “This was before antidepressants. If you were on antidepressants, you would not have played that game.” – Eddie Pepitone (24:52)

Exploring Darkness & Material Boundaries (25:01 – 27:51)

• The Pull Toward Dark Material:

  • Eddie and Greg explore why their acts lean dark and absurd, including bits that push boundaries or are, as Eddie puts it, “related to the rage.”
  • Greg praises Eddie’s unique approach:

    “It’s like watching Dave Attell… Why isn’t this guy—are you working against yourself?” – Greg Fitzsimmons (27:21)

• Eddie on His Career Path:

  • Eddie reflects on his late, circuitous evolution in stand-up, moving between primal screaming, improv, one-man shows, and finally building confidence as a stand-up:

    “My path has been weird, dude… I started doing standup in New York… I would throw up in the bathroom before my sets. But I knew I was, this was my thing.” – Eddie (28:20)

Societal Collapse, Civil War, and Satire (32:15 – 35:29)

• Satirizing America’s Collapse:
  • They riff on society’s ominous direction, envisioning a new Civil War fought only by reenactors, complete with muskets and lice:

    “Let’s fight it this time, but the only people allowed to fight are current Civil War reenactors... but it’s real!” – Greg Fitzsimmons (33:10)

  • The pair discuss the normalization of fear and the absurdity of being desensitized to looming authoritarianism.

Life on the Road & Comic Realities (39:09 – 42:41)

• The Joys and Miseries of Touring:
  • Both comics compare material pleasures—a new Mustang versus a loyal, meat-stained Honda Element—and the sometimes humbling realities of working small venues:

    “You’re brilliant, but you’re playing Elk Lodges. Let’s be real.” – Greg Fitzsimmons (27:56)

  • Eddie reframes working odd-ball dates as a way to meet true fans and “spread the Pepitone message,” showing gratitude for those who truly “get” his comedy.

Clean vs. Dark Comedy & Audience Expectations (43:03 – 57:13)

• Reading a Critical Email (43:03):
  • Greg shares a listener email criticizing his “X-rated topics” and urging him to do clean, “Comedy 101” material. Both comics debate the merits of clean vs. honest, cathartic comedy, referencing their own backgrounds and discomfort with sexual repression.
  • Eddie contextualizes his darker material as a truthful response to life’s brutalities:

    “Doing clean material is a whitewashing of the brutal fucking world we live in. Yeah, it’s brutal. It’s run by insane people.” – Eddie Pepitone (56:13)

Sex, Porn, and Confessions (46:24 – 52:52)

• Honesty about Sex in Material:

  • Both comics discuss how their sexual content in comedy serves as both catharsis and confession, with Eddie referencing deeply personal stories about his relationships, his mother’s mental illness, and early experiences stumbling into Manhattan sex shops.

• Memorable Bit:

  • Eddie: “I just like to mop sperm, you know, and it’s always been a dream of mine to mop a lot of sperm.” – (Job interview sketch described, 51:29)

The Dark Side of Showbiz & Honest Confessions (58:28 – 62:57)

• Hollywood Frustrations:
  • Eddie jokingly thanks Judd Apatow and Greg Garcia “for overlooking me my entire life,” poking fun at being underappreciated despite his reputation among comedy insiders.
• Eating Habits on the Road:
  • The impossible challenge of maintaining veganism during road gigs, and stories of moose jerky in Alaska.

Psyche & Upbringing: Two Types of People (71:52 – 73:06)

• Deep Dive into Parental Impact:
  • Eddie theorizes the world is made up of two types: those who were loved as children and those who were scapegoated. This lens colors both comics’ view of humanity and their material.

Comedy Clubs, Friars Club Stories & Found Family (74:00 – 80:19)

• Club Culture & Personal History:
  • Eddie contemplates joining clubs now that he has a little money; Greg reminisces about his father’s radio career, the Friars Club in NYC, and meeting his wife there:

    “The night of her initiation, she brought her friend, who is now my wife... I said, I’m gonna marry your friend someday.” – Greg Fitzsimmons (77:54)

Money Troubles, Friendship & Redemption (80:24 – 81:38)

• Borrowing & Paying Back:
  • Eddie admits to borrowing money in his “De Niro in Mean Streets” phase and losing friendships along the way.

The Collapse – Eddie’s New Special (83:19 – 87:18)

• About “The Collapse”:
  • Taped at Lincoln Hall in Chicago, directed by Steven Fine Arts, exec-produced by Patton Oswalt.
  • The special parallels personal unraveling with societal collapse, blending physicality, emotional depth, and signature modulation:

    “A fall isn’t an event. One event. It’s a long descent into hell, Apple Watch. That’s what a fall is.” – Eddie, describing a bit from the special (84:31)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Comedy and Rage:

  “The key to rage as a comic is you have to make it look absurd.” — Eddie Pepitone (15:12)

• On Small Gigs:

  “You’re brilliant, but you’re playing Elk Lodges. Let’s be real.” — Greg Fitzsimmons (27:56)

• On Clean vs. Dark Material:

  “Doing clean material is a whitewashing of the brutal fucking world we live in.” — Eddie Pepitone (56:13)

• On Childhood and Humanity:

  “There’s two types of people in the world. Those who have been loved when they were young... and those who weren’t.” — Eddie Pepitone (71:52)

• On “The Collapse” Special:

  “A fall isn’t one event. It’s a long descent into hell, Apple Watch.” — Eddie Pepitone, from his new special (84:31)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Anger as a Comedic Engine: 14:00 – 15:16
• Inheriting Family and Grief: 16:42 – 21:30
• Growing Up New York Italian/Jewish: 21:30 – 24:16
• Material Darkness & Bizarre Acts: 25:01 – 27:51
• Societal Satire & Civil War Bit: 32:15 – 35:29
• Comedy Careers & Road Life: 39:09 – 42:41
• Email on Clean Comedy: 43:03 – 57:13
• Sex, Porn, and Onstage Confessions: 46:24 – 52:52
• Hollywood, Clubs, and Friars Club: 58:28 – 80:19
• Parental Impact & Humanity: 71:52 – 73:06
• Promotion of New Special “The Collapse”: 83:19 – 87:18

---

Conclusion & Tone

This episode’s tone is equal parts vulnerable, confessional, and riotously dark. Both Greg and Eddie dissect the emotional realities of being a comedian, navigating pain and absurdity, family and failure, all without shying away from uncomfortable truths. If you love comedy that’s more than just punchlines—if you want the psychological machinery behind the humor—this is an hour-and-a-half master class.

Catch Eddie Pepitone’s new special, "The Collapse," on YouTube November 11th. For tour dates and more, check EddiePepitone.com.

---

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Netflix from the creator of Homeland. Claire Danes and Matthew Rhys star in the new Netflix series the Beast in Me as ruthless rivals whose shared darkness will set them on a collision course with fatal consequences. The Beast in Me is a riveting psychological cat and mouse story about guilt, justice and doubt. You will not want to miss this. The Beast in Me is now playing only on Netflix.

[B]

Welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I'm back. My. My knee is healing. Thank you all for checking in. I had knee surgery a week ago today. I had a torn meniscus. No big deal. Gave me some painkillers. My mom calls me every single day to check on me. It is so sweet. She's such a caring, loving person. And it really is nice to know. I mean, my wife cares. Daughter. I have to remind her something. The son hasn't called, but mom is always there and I. I wish for everybody that they had a mother like mine that just. Ah, she's the best. Anyway, I've been walking around with a cane. I had to go through all my travels, cane in hand. And it's so nice. People just smile at you. They notice you. They hold doors. There's just the kindness in their eyes. And I don't want it to go away. I might, I might keep the cane. I might do like a Snoop Dogg thing where I'm just the guy with the cane, you know, Maybe I'll get braces. I don't need them. Yeah, I do. Look at that gap. Maybe I'll get braces. I'll wear a Kamala Harris T shirt. Just things that make people kind of pity you and wish that things would get better for you. I wanted. When I get a dog, I'll get a rescue. A dog. One of those dogs that needs like the wheelchair on the back legs, you know, those, those little. The Fast and the Furious dogs call them. Vin. Come on, Vince. Maybe adopt a redhead. Give him crutches that he doesn't even need. Just tell him you need these. He doesn't know. What does a kid know? You give him crutches, he uses the fucking crutches. Then people look at you like you're a hero because you got the red headed crippled kid. Can you say crippled? I don't even know. I think you can say everything now. It's kinda. It's kinda over. That whole thing is over. But I just want to be noticed. I'm 59. Just notice me. I bought a Mustang this year, you know, I pulled up to the. Pulled up to the comedy Store. And I got out my. I just had it waxed. And I know I waxed. I didn't have it waxed. I fucking waxed my own Mustang. That sounds like a euphemism. Pull up to the Comedy Store. Ollie Wong is standing out front with Bill Hader. And. And I get out of the car kinda smooth. I got Tumbling Dice by the Rolling Stones. It's pouring out of the windows. And it's not easy to get out of the Mustang. It's low to the ground. And there's an elegant way, and there's an old guy way. And I. I was elegant. I just kind of poured myself out. I walk over and she looks at me and she's like, you have a Mustang. And she looked at me like. Like she was looking at Salvador Dali painting. Like nothing made sense. Like the Matrix was in disarray. And I just looked at her like, look, look, baby, I know you love me. I know you see me as a good dad and a good husband and a sober guy. But you know what? I'm as. I'm a fucking gunslinger. You don't know me. You don't know how I was when I was young. I'm as cool as Bill Hader. You know, I'm not. Oh, it's not over. I felt over. I'm at. I took a wheelchair at lax. That felt over. Jesus. And so I, I, you know, you order it through the airline, United Airlines, and they say, you go to terminal seven, door, whatever. So I go to that door. I'm on my cane. And then you gotta pick up this phone and dial for the wheelchair person to come over. And it's just like. It's this fat old lady. She comes over with the wheelchair. It takes her 25 minutes. I'm sitting there for 25 minutes. She shows up. The TSA is right there. So we go right through TSA. And my gate was the first gate. I could have done it on my cane in four minutes. And I'm waiting for this old lady. I gave her 20 bucks. She looked like I just fucking bought her a condo and Cabo St. Lucas. She was so excited. So that made it worth it. And then I get to. I fly to Chicago. They pick me up. Thank God. They pick me up at the wheelchair on that plane. Because I don't know if you've been to o' Hare Airport. They have no qualms about asking a passenger to walk one to three miles from their gate to the curb. It's insane. So another fat old lady pushes me through that airport, throw her 20. And then I get to the hotel in Chicago. It's called, like the Chicago Athletic association or something. Nice old hotel parking. How about $89 a night? Yeah, that felt good. And then you tip the guy. I was right over by DePaul. I was in Wicker Park. My son. My son went to DePaul University. I don't know if you guys know that. You probably do. And I had some nice memories of. I used to do that. I was at the Den theater and him and his roommates and his friends would all come out to my standup show and it would be fun. And I missed him being there, but we had a full house at the Den theater. Paul Faravar. I always say his name wrong. Faravar. So funny. Did a great job featuring for me. My old college agent was there. The guy used to book me at all my colleges. Two guys, Chris and Scott and Mia were all there. And then I had to drive the next day to Wisconsin. I woke up at like, noon. My show in Wisconsin, ready for this four o' clock PM at this club. Three and a half hours to get to Appleton, Wisconsin from Chicago. Three and a half hours. It's now noon. I have a 4 o' clock show. And I gotta get the car, get some breakfast and get up there. So I was on 94 north or west or whatever. I was going 95 to 100 miles an hour for about less than 3 hours. I cut the trip down to. To 2 hours and 50 minutes. It was so much fucking fun. Got the car upgraded. I got a Dodge Charger. Fucking zipping, baby. So much fun. Made the show. Great crowd. Um, it was fun. Anyway, so came home yesterday. My flight was delayed from Wisconsin to Chicago because there was a snowstorm in Chicago. And then I went from my gates. I had to go from. You know, I landed at one gate. I had to go to the other gate for the connecting flight. I knew I had to rush, so I didn't get the wheelchair. I got my cane and I fucking ran with my cane for about 14 minutes. I get to the gate and American Airlines had closed the door. It was 10 minutes to 11 when I got there. The flight was at 11. She closed the door and wouldn't let me go. I sat there while she rebooked me for 25 minutes. I kept pointing at the plane with the bridge attached to the side of the plane going, it's still there. It's still there. And she would not let me on. So I did what I do with my mighty social media presence of 100,000 people on Twitter. I showed a little hate at American Airlines, and then they reached out to me and they said, give us your phone number, dm, follow us, and DM us your number. So I did. And then I get this WhatsApp call, which I thought was fucking weird Indian guy, and he starts telling me about how I gotta go to WhatsApp and download this app. So I see the app, I go to. I go, this sounds like a scam. And I go to download the app, and it says. It says, like, muni money, Mideast payment. And I was like, what the fu. It was a fucking scam. They saw me complaining on Twitter and they targeted me, which I deserve. I was being a fucking Karen. So anyway, I was on a painkiller the whole time. Anyway, you know what? When you take one of those painkillers, nothing can throw off your mood. You just. You just breeze through it. Easy peasy. All right, I got more to get to, but it's already 11 minutes in, and we got a great guest. Well, let me tell you, also coming this week, I'll be in Lafayette, Louisiana, on Wednesday night, Club 337. That's November 12th. I don't know when this podcast even comes out.

[A]

No.

[B]

New Orleans at Skankfest all this week. Phoenix, Desert ridge Improv on November 28 through the 30th. San Francisco Punchline December 11 through 13. Hasbrouck Heights Bananas Comedy Club, December 26 27. Then I'm covered at Cleveland, Atlanta, the Mothership, Sacramento, philly. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out. Also, let me tell you about a little something that called Tempo. Now you get meals. I don't know if you've had meal delivery services before, but some of them, the websites, are really difficult. Sometimes it's, like, boring. The meals all kind of taste like glop. Like they're the same. Tempo has these balanced, fresh meals that are actually really good for you. They take taste. Amazing. You cook. I think it takes two minutes to cook them. So, you know, forget about takeout. Expensive takeout, or, you know, preparing a meal for an hour. This is like. This gets you through. School is here, everybody's busy. You're trying to deal with homework and carpools and activities. And we used to take my kids to soccer like, five to six days a week because he played varsity and club, and me eating ended up being cereal on some nights. You know what a crap parent you feel like when you're giving your kid shredded wheats at 9 o' clock at night. These are chef prepared. Holidays are coming up, it's gonna get worse. There's all these parties you gotta go to and you know, gifts to buy. So look, I'm telling you, if you want fresh chef crafted, dietitian approved meals right at your door, perfectly portioned for lunch or dinner, ready in two minutes. This is easy. 20 new recipes every week keeps you excited. Match your ma. Yeah. If you have goals, Tempo will help you meet them. Protein packed meals up to 13 grams of protein. Calorie conscience, carb conscience. Why can't I speak? It's so good. For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. Go to Tempo meals.com fitzdogg that's Tempo. T E M P O meals.com fitzdog For 60% off your first box, tempomeals.com fitzdog rules and restrictions may apply. Okay, My guest today is the Bitter Buddha. That's what they call him. You know him from many appearances on Marc Barron's podcast, tons of sketches on Conan o' Brien over the years, Sarah Silverman program. He was in Old School, Bob's Burgers, King of Queens, Chappelle's Show, Malcolm in the Middle, Monk, Children's Hospital, the Eric Andre show, Flight of the Concords, Two Broke Girls, Always Sunny in Philadelphia. This guy works, he's a great actor. He's one of the most interesting comedians working today. He's got a new special out that's called the Collapse and we just had a great chat last week. I fucking love this guy. Here's my talk with Eddie Pepitone. My guest today is Eddie Pepitone, pronounced Pep. Like he's got a lot of energy and tone, like you're not really sure what he's going for tonally. Is he angry? Is he self deprecating, Is he mad at you? Yeah, I mean, pick a lane, Eddie, you're all over the place.

[A]

I love anger as a driving force in comedy. In my comedy. Like I'm a person who has pent up hostility. Like I was driving here and I finally got off the highways. It's a long way from where I, I live to here, this studio and I have to take highways and I was very good on the highways. But then I got off and Robertson Boulevard had this construction.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta drive.

[A]

Like I thought I was through this and I look at the construction and this is my free floating hostility because these guys have nothing to do with me. But I look at the construction workers and I'm like, I don't say it, but my whole thing is like, you idiots, what the fuck are you doing? Like, that's just how I am. Like, like with everything. Like, what the fuck?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know? And. But. But the key to rage as a comic is that you have to make it look absurd.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know what I mean? Because if you're truly rageful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everybody gets uptight. Like, if I really have a beef with someone in the audience, you know what I'm talking about, dude, I can't.

[B]

Come back from that. When you break down the fourth wall and you get directly. It happened to me at the store the other night. There was a loud table or never happens. Literally, very rarely never happens. And I blame the waiter because he was being very loud and they were ordering really loud, and they had their backs to me. They turned around and it's like his job is to go, shh, you know, let's order quietly, you know? And so I'm yelling at them because I didn't see the waiter. And then the guy turns around and he's this, like, Persian real estate guy with a suit, and he goes, we're making you money. And I go, I go, I'm making $30, sir. That's probably one drink.

[A]

50.

[B]

Is it 50?

[A]

Yeah, it's 50.

[B]

No, I think it used to be.

[A]

That made you have a little money. Yeah, it used to be. Now it's 50 for a while.

[B]

I have money, but it's not you money. It's. It's. Screw you.

[A]

I have. I. I say I don't have you money. I have. Excuse me, but I was in this line before you money.

[B]

I was just trying to think of that joke, and it turns out you already have. I do.

[A]

Because I do this bit about my dad dying, which he did recently, and I got. No, no, it was a good thing I got the house and we just sold it. Me and my Staten Island.

[B]

Yes. You got a house in Staten island and you're excited about it?

[A]

I sold it.

[B]

Oh, you did?

[A]

Yeah. So that's the. Excuse me and you. Because my dad was a teacher, but he. He was very penurious.

[B]

So I'm sorry, I don't know.

[A]

You don't know what it means? He saved money. He didn't.

[B]

But wasn't he also on, like, the school board at one point?

[A]

Yeah, he was a leader and a principal for a while, and then he was like this.

[B]

Yeah, but those pensions when you're a teacher are sweet.

[A]

In New York City, they were not. Now you're lucky if you get you know, a lot of teachers when they retire are in the or. I'm kidding.

[B]

But wait a minute. So let me get this straight. So your dad. It's just you and your sister, did you say? And so he's got a house and he's got some savings from the pension.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And me and my sister split it all.

[B]

Split it up.

[A]

And now I'm like, excuse me, I was in this line.

[B]

Let me ask you about this. Because my mother, God bless her, I'm so close to her, and she's so amazing, and she doesn't have a lot.

[A]

Of money, but see, I wasn't that. My parents and me had fucking. Tim. Not. You know, you love them, obviously, but it was not a great loving thing. Really. Yeah.

[B]

And you're Sicilian on one side and Jewish on the other, which are both very close. Fan. No, there's both. I think of those as, like, close family ethnicities.

[A]

It's true. It's true. I had a lot of. I basically got to know the Italian side because my dad, who was the dominant one, did not like the Jewish side. He didn't. And they were in the Bronx. They were like, I'm not going to the Bronx. All this crap. But what are you gonna say about your mom?

[B]

Well, she doesn't have a ton of money, but I was thinking about how that's gonna feel the day she passes. And there's money involved. Because you have brothers and sisters. Yeah, I have a brother and a sister. But I hate to say, is it like. Is it bittersweet? Like, where does the morning stop and the celebration begin? Right.

[A]

Well, have you. I mean, and I watch a lot of Agatha Christie. I do.

[B]

What, like PBS?

[A]

Yeah. Poirot, Ms. Marple.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

You know, I'm the big English countryside murder gu. Think. You know that? And I. Almost every other episode is about fights between family in inheritance, and I read about it all the time.

[B]

Oh, I got a friend that's going.

[A]

Through it right now with their siblings.

[B]

Was close to their siblings her whole life, and now they're not talking.

[A]

That's up. And thankfully, me and my sister are so tight. And she's a lawyer.

[B]

She took care of everything.

[A]

Oh, nice. She took care of everything for me. I. You know, it was happening in New York, so I couldn't. And I just get on the phone and be like, you're doing great. Yeah, thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah. So when does the morning. And then I don't. I think it's, you know, especially if you love your mom. It's like that is just. It's a mixed bag, you know?

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

I guess when you go on your first vacation on that money, well, you.

[B]

Know what you do? You dump the ashes on that trip, which kind of like, negates the guilt we might feel. Right. Did you dump ashes with your mom into the.

[A]

They didn't want to be cremated, you know, so we just dropped my mom, body and all, from a helicopter into New York Harbor. That's. She loved the ferry.

[B]

Meanwhile, half of Staten island is a dump. He could have just gone to. That was it. Fish kill.

[A]

My mom. Arthur kill. Fish kill. Yeah. Arthur kill. I remember.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I had a friend, my. One of my close friends in the world, her dad used to have a tugboat in Arthur Kill. You know, tugboat, where you wear like, you know, tank top T shirts and you. You standing on Staten island looking at the boat, going, my God, life is good. Seagulls on the garbage. Garbage barges. They are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, my mom hated moving to Staten Island. That was a big fucking point of horrific contention. She loved Brooklyn part. We were like Flatbush.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bay Ridge things, you know, that's very Italian, right? Italian and Jewish. Italian, you know. You know, my dad's family was in Marine park forever. The Italians.

[B]

Well, that's where Saturday Night Life, Saturday Night Fever was based on.

[A]

Oh, was it right there? Yeah, Flatbush. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That was great old Brooklyn.

[B]

Did you ever go to the nightclubs when you were a kid? You were a teenager?

[A]

No, I was never a nightclub guy. You know, I'm trying to think what I. I was a sports guy. I'd play roller hockey. We played rink. Olivia, do you remember these New York City street games? You grew up in this city, right?

[B]

No, well, no, I grew up in Tarrytown, in Westchester County.

[A]

The suburbs.

[B]

Yeah. But we played stickball, like, city style. Stickball strikes on the wall and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I used to love stickball. Yeah. I'll never forget.

[B]

We played street hockey.

[A]

Oh, yeah. With rollerblade. With roller skates.

[B]

No, right on our feet.

[A]

Oh, okay. That's called girl hockey.

[B]

Is that your comedy? You go. You go feminine?

[A]

I do.

[B]

It's so funny. Like how fucking standard that is. And I do it all the time. It's just right there. All you gotta do, just call a guy gay on stage and it's a guaranteed, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But when you played roller hockey, I think roller skates are more gay, don't you think?

[A]

Well, I was blading.

[B]

Oh, you had rollerblades.

[A]

Well, in Manhattan. When I lived in Manhattan, I went all over the city, by the way. Staten Island I hated. But I just want to get to the New York street games in Brooklyn, which were fucking crazy, like Lord of the Fly type shit. There would be this thing called Rigolevio where we would grasp arms and like form this human chain across one street. And the other team would have the same thing and they would be like, like, ring Olivia. Ring Olivia. We call Pepitone over. And I would have to charge. The person who was called over would have to charge and try to break the ring. Like you would just charge in at people and you know, you were smacked around and it always got heated because you would hit somebody, of course, and they'd be like, you mother. And I was like, oh, fucking Ring Olivio today.

[B]

Oh, ring Olivia.

[A]

I don't know where that name came from. From.

[B]

Yeah, we play Kick the Can. Which.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

Kick the can, where you put a can out and then you go, everybody's hiding, you know, and you hide behind cars and stuff. You put a can out in the street and then one person comes out and it's one person's turn and they kick it. Fuck, I'm forgetting. And you got to set it back up again.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

And then catch the person that kicked it.

[A]

This was before antidepressants. You see, if you were on antidepressants, you would not have played that game. You know what I mean?

[B]

Which. What are you on? I love your joke about I'm on 200mg of Zoloft. I just like the taste and it.

[A]

Does nothing for me. I just like the taste and I say, I crush it up. I put it on cereal and I watch porn on mute. I don't even masturbate. I just eat my Zoloft and Apple Jacks. And I always talk about how the only cereal I eat is the worst sugar infested cereal. I just picked thinking about this shit because I watched one, you know, they tape some of the sets at the store, right? So on the main stage. Do you know that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It seems like to me you have one foot in, one foot out of that place. Anyway, they tape. It's not your main focus. They tape sets of the stores. So I was watching one the other day that I don't remember doing this. And it was only a couple months ago or a month ago where I'm going, I, I like to do cocaine, which I don't do, but on stage I'm like, I like to do cocaine and, and go To Apple kids picking festivals. And I watched the kids on hay rides and I toss lighters and I heard people in the audience go, oh. And I'm like, I'm watching this today because my producer was gonna put some clips up and I'm like, I'm like, this is really dark. But I find the darkness to be related to the rage. And I find it funny, but it's so funny.

[B]

It's my.

[A]

You too.

[B]

Well, I mean, I don't necessarily. I mean, I'm dark too on stage and I can say things.

[A]

But you have children and you. You have funny things about the kids.

[B]

Yeah, but I also go. I also do dark stuff. I know you do, but when I see your stuff, I literally just say to myself, there are guys that are playing 10,000 seat theaters right now that I stare at like a dog would stare at a fucking late night infomercial. Like, I don't know what's happen. I don't know what people are laughing at. And then I see you go on at the store and I'm like, it's like watching Dave Attell or somebody and you really just go, like, why isn't this guy. I mean, I'm gonna plug your dates later and it's gonna be a sad moment. You're playing like an Elks Lodge in Oregon and then these other guys are playing arenas in Vegas. And I just say, well, are you working against yourself? Are you?

[A]

Oh, dude. But, you know, that's the thing. At least this is what I tell myself.

[B]

The most backhanded compliment you've ever got.

[A]

I see you're playing Elk Lod. You're brilliant. But you're playing Elk Lodges. Let's be real. Dave.

[B]

Who's Dave?

[A]

I. I made up a fictitious.

[B]

I thought it was you.

[A]

I made a fictitious character. But yeah, I think my path has been weird, dude, because I'm not a guy who got. I got into comedy when I was 20. Yeah, 1920.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But my path has been very circuitous to stand up because I started doing standup in New York at these places. Like the Eagle Rock Tavern. Oh, no, no, that's here in la. But I. I think it was called the Eagle Tavern in Manhattan. And I would be just so nervous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I would throw up in the bathroom before my sets. But I knew I was. I knew this was my thing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But there was so much anxiety and I was only at one level then. I used to go on stage and I used to scream. It was just a primal scream.

[B]

Just a scream. No words, no no words.

[A]

But it would be at the airplane level of like, I'd be like, there's no. And it would never modulate, you know. So I took a break from stand up comedy and did improv then.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I did all kinds of shit. I did. I wrote one man shows before they were a thing. But my one man shows.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

My one man shows were characters. Like, I'd be like, I remember one character where I throw something. I go get the. Get it, get it, get it. Bring it back now. Bring it back now, bring it back. And I take it and I wrestle it out and I bring. And the punchline was, now give me the knife. Just give me the knife. Like, it wasn't a dog. It was me throwing it to some guy. Just give me the knife. That would be my shit, you know?

[B]

So then. And then you came back to stand up.

[A]

And then I finally came back. I did join improv groups and then I started a sketch group in New York where I did a lot of. Lot of good sketches with two other guys.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And then I went back to stand up. And then I really loved it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause I was. I had some confidence. I did a lot of acting too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I did a lot of plays. I did a lot of plays.

[B]

Right. You know, so your single focus hasn't been stand up all these years.

[A]

Right. So I think I didn't really build that audience. And then my shit is so bizarre.

[B]

It's bizarre, but it's also, you know, it's all about being on social media now. And your stuff is very clippable. Like, if you. I hope you have the right person cutting up clips and promoting you because, well, I really feel like, you know, your stuff. I immediately sent it to my daughter today. I watched your special. I thought I was watching your new special, but I was watching.

[A]

This was for the masses.

[B]

You watched? Yeah, I watched for the masses and I sent it to my daughter and I said, if you want to see real comedy, watch this.

[A]

Thanks. Yeah, that one got best. Best special of whatever that was 2021 or something by the New York Times. No, and I love doing. I love doing the joke like in. And who knows comedy like the New York Times. Have you seen that coverage of the Mid East? It's very funny.

[B]

Here's what I love. The New York Times does the A Sunday with, you know, Cameron Diaz and then she walks you through. It always starts with the farmer's market. You know, like, you tell them your typical Sunday. You always go to the farmer's market. And then there's a. Then there's a place that has yummy brunch that they go to. And then there's like a vintage record store. And then there's so. And it, you know, and then it always, like they eat out three times, but they still find time to watch a movie and snuggle and go on a hike in Runyon Canyon with the dog.

[A]

Those are the type of people who are not ready for the Civil War.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

Because when it gets nasty, they're going to be like, look, we have 20 minutes to make brunch. Now we're gonna have to fight our way there. But they have spicy poached eggs today and heirloom tomatoes, so can we please go? You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, I was thinking about, obviously we're gonna have another Civil War.

[A]

They have one now. It just hasn't exploded into. I don't know how it would look like, you know.

[B]

Well, here's my vision of it.

[A]

There was a good movie about it.

[B]

It was 400,000. 600,000 people died in the first civil war.

[A]

A lot died in the. Was it only 600 grand?

[B]

I thought it was more, but it was 600,000. So my idea is, let's fight it this time. But the only people allowed to fight are current Civil War reenactors. And so you're only fighting from noon to 5 o'clock on Saturdays in Williamsburg.

[A]

But it's real.

[B]

But it's real. You put real bullets, but it's single shot muskets. They gotta take the cannons.

[A]

It's still old timey.

[B]

Yeah, they gotta wear the wool uniforms in August. And they've all got lice and gonorrhea and they're sleeping in tents. And Ken Burns will actually be able to photograph it himself this time.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Man, it's scary. Are you scared about the fucking fascism, like, that's happening with the fucking mask?

[B]

I'm so scared that I'm not scared, like, because if I let myself be as scared as I am, I won't leave the house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm just kind of looking at it like, you know, and I just. And I say to myself, okay, well, after the election, and then you read all these articles about what they're doing for the next election and you go, oh, there's a chance that, you know, he's already talking about a third term. And, you know, there's a whole playbook on in advance saying the elections are going to be corrupt. So that you planted that Seed with people.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And then you send armed guards to all the voting stations, which is going to make people afraid to go vote.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Why is it.

[A]

I think there's gonna be a lot of pushback, though. People are pissed.

[B]

Well, that no Kings march was the biggest march in American history.

[A]

Right. That needs to happen much more frequently.

[B]

Should be every other week.

[A]

Yeah, every other week. I can't go. I'm in the middle of the bear right now. But if I get through it, depending on how the peacemaker is and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, if I didn't have Hulu Plus, I'd be out there.

[B]

The no Kings march, brought to you by Hulu. If they could actually start shooting the protests and put it on Hulu plus, then you could feel more involved.

[A]

Definitely.

[B]

It'll be a series.

[A]

There's actually YouTube channels you can watch where you like any kind of catastrophe. I forget what it's called. My friend gave me this because me and him joke about our ghoulish proclivity to watch catastrophes. Like, I was like, oh, man, finally a good hurricane, like, malicious thing. Yeah. But I'm more conscious now where I go, why do I want destruction to happen? You know? Yeah, but there is YouTube channels where they just are like. They're guys who were, like, into it going, look at this. This is someone being. It's terrible.

[B]

I know. Well, my Instagram feed definitely knows. I enjoy fights in waffle houses.

[A]

I don't like to watch those. I used to, but they're too brutal.

[B]

They're brutal.

[A]

They're too brutal. And that makes me scared to leave the house. Or definitely. I pick my waffle houses very carefully.

[B]

Yeah, you don't want a Deep south waffle House because everybody fights. It starts with two, and by the end, everybody's four.

[A]

Waffle houses are so funny. I have a joke where I say, you know how I want it to end? I want to go into a waffle house singing life is great, Life is grand, and then just take out a gun and blow my head off in a waffle House.

[B]

That's a joke you wrote.

[A]

It's not really a joke. What's funny? What's funny? Jesus. Funny. No, no, no. Blowing your brains out in a waffle house is funnier.

[B]

I need a tagline for this bit.

[A]

Yeah, that never got great response, you know?

[B]

No. My sub genre that I like is people climbing into drive through windows to go after the cashier, which happens more often than you can believe.

[A]

People climbing out of trial into the.

[B]

Drive through from their car, from Their car to go after the cashier. Yeah. They climbed through their open window into the hole.

[A]

What are they so pissed at? That they didn't get what they wanted or something?

[B]

Sometimes you don't get what you wanted. You have to do. You have to do something about it.

[A]

Margaret, if you don't see me again, tell the children I love them, but the fact that she wouldn't supersize. This has to be dealt with. Harry.

[B]

Don't you take the wheel.

[A]

Are you taking your Wellbutrin? That's fucking crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that level of insanity is at least, you know, I'm not near that level.

[B]

No. I was driving home from the Comedy Store where I have one foot in and one foot out. The other night, my foot was in that night, and I'm driving home and I must have, like, merged in a way that pissed off the person behind me. And I. I remember merging, and it wasn't a hard merge, but, you know, there was a foot. You know, maybe they had to tap their brakes, but they were.

[A]

They were not in the mood.

[B]

They lost their shit. And they. They had a Honda that was pretty beat up. And they. They proceeded to just literally push me off the road. They just kept screaming at me and pushing me off the road. They had no qualms about hurting their car. I felt that in my bones, because.

[A]

It was beat up.

[B]

They didn't care. It was probably stolen.

[A]

What did you.

[B]

Well, you know, in the old days, I would have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, chase them, cut them off, whatever. And then I just said, you know what? I got a brand new Mustang. You've seen it? I think so, yeah. And I just.

[A]

What color?

[B]

It's like a charcoal gray, I think.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice one.

[B]

It's really nice. It's the first time I've had a nice car in my entire life.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Well, because I raised two kids, so I drove a Prius. I drove a Subaru. I was like, you know, I gotta save my money. And I did. I saved my money.

[A]

You have money. You had money. But whatever. Like, I know you're. But yeah. So you have a nice Mustang. You just said, fuck it.

[B]

I fucking love it. And they say, material thanks can't buy you happiness. I smile every single time I see that car. I'm walking towards it and I.

[A]

How long have you had it?

[B]

Less than a year.

[A]

Okay. That's pretty good. Usually it wears off.

[B]

Has not worn off in the least.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

I offer.

[A]

I gotta get one of. How much are they Because I just sold the house.

[B]

Like $78,000. No, I think it was 78. No, I think it was 36 or something.

[A]

Oh, that's not bad.

[B]

That's not that bad. No, Mustangs aren't that bad. And you know, Ford, it's American. It's Ford. Tell me about your car.

[A]

I have endless material about it.

[B]

I know. I'm teeing you up because I love.

[A]

That I have a 2006 Honda Element. And this is what I say on stage. I have a 2006 Honda Element. But a lot of women think it's a 2007 because I keep it nice. I cleaned the meat off the dashboards from the drive throughs. I never used to clean out the meat that would fly out of my mouth on the dashboard.

[B]

Cause I keep it nice.

[A]

One year it looks.

[B]

It's so funny how one word can make a joke so much better. Like if you said, I keep it quite clean. No, that's still funny. But when you say I keep it nice, it shows that there's like a level of cool that you think you are and that. And that this car really does mean something special to you.

[A]

It's interesting that you analyze it like that because I think that's true, but I can't. I think we as comics just instinctively.

[B]

Know we know the funny word.

[A]

We know the funny words.

[B]

Yeah. Right. You know, I mean, and I know.

[A]

And also this is so great to have a joke like that. So great to have in your back pocket when you're struggling a little bit at a club in, let's say an Elk Lodge. And you just.

[B]

In Oregon. Yes.

[A]

By the way. You know, I just want to say you're like, oh, you're playing in Elk Lodge. This is in a place that is so gorgeous. This is going to be like a two day vacation for me. It's called Hood River, Oregon.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Have you been?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, you have?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm looking forward to it.

[B]

Oh, it's.

[A]

The money is not, you know, I don't go on. This is kind of true now, especially that I have a little money. I don't go really on the road to make a ton of money, man. I go. I go on the road to fucking spread the Pepitone message and to get known and to like meet fans, which I think is such a pisser.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To meet people from all over the country who are like, you know, me and my friend just keep repeating that joke. You did years and shit like that.

[B]

Yeah. Because you realize that it's A big country and you're not gonna appeal to everybody. But when you can find that 2% that just dig you that you hit me being one of them, where people just respond and go, this is my. Yeah, this is my version. I got an email today. I want to read you this email.

[A]

Is it? Yeah. You get nice emails occasionally.

[B]

Yes. And this one I really.

[A]

Yeah, I want to hear it.

[B]

Today. This woman said.

[A]

I hope I mention.

[B]

You'Re a funny guy. Your material like in I Love My Wife is unnecessary. You lose over half of anyone who could be a fan due to the X rated topics. It is Comedy 101 for comedians who use sex and porn as subject matter. It doesn't take much to talk about that. If you cannot make everyday experiences clean and funny. Hire writers. Brian Regan, Kathy Madigan, Leanne Morgan, Nate Bragazzi, Sebastian Maniscalco, Sinbad. Are all funny. Are all funny without taking offense, talking offensive. Clean up your act and you won't have people not attend or even walk out. Good luck. From Anthony Newman.

[A]

Anthony Newman.

[B]

Anthony Newman.

[A]

I believe he's a four star chef.

[B]

But I just love that he has a vision of comedy that is that. And somehow all comedians should be doing exactly that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I.

[B]

How do you respond to that? Like, I thought about it. I was initially gonna reply suck my dick or something really dirty.

[A]

That's very funny. That would have been worth it.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. But no, but then I was gonna go, well, maybe I should really just break down what he's saying and how that doesn't work for me and that I grew up with sexual repression. And as being Irish Catholic, we were never able to talk about things. And now I do it in my act and it's very cathartic, you know, And I find that people.

[A]

Yeah, you do do a bunch of curse scenes here and there.

[B]

I talk pretty graphically about having sex with my wife. Don't act like you don't fucking watch me at the stage.

[A]

I do, but you have one foot in.

[B]

But do you.

[A]

How do you.

[B]

How would you reply to this email sent to you?

[A]

Oh, well, it wouldn't get sent to me because I'm so. As a matter of fact, a lot of times when I'm on stage, I can't believe the amount of cursing that I do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes it's when I'm tired, it's really bad. You know, just fuck. Everything with me is like cock suckers. Yeah. For me, it's like I go into that. I go into that dark. I Don't know if it's forbidden, you know, and porn I have used and I. And I get like. I'll watch comedians talk about porn. Or, like, eating ass. I draw the line at eating. Like, I don't want to.

[B]

Eating ass and squirting are the two ones. I go like, all right. Not necessarily.

[A]

No, no, no. Yeah. For me, porn is like a reflection of how deeply disconnected I am from real intimacy and making fun of that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And actually, porn is such a bad thing. I think we talked about this once before. A little bit. But porn is such a bad thing for young kids.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Who watch that shit. Because they just. They. They think that sex is this and that sex is something that is hardly ever fun. You know, sex, sex. For me, sex is like, oh, no, you know, like, you know, what do I do?

[B]

Why do you do it?

[A]

It's part of the. It's part of the contract.

[B]

But.

[A]

But sex, I. I have a. I have a bit where I go, you know, me and my wife, you know, our sexual prime is passed. And I say, this young couple moved up and moved in next door, and they like maniacs. Now, that person would want me to say, and these people make love. Yeah, like lunatics.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And Hummel. We have homo figurines and they fly off the wall at us. Yeah, yeah. That's a good comedy word, too. That always gets us. And I'll stop and go, that's right. I love almost. But I say. I say, you ever been with somebody when you're pretending something's not happening and we're just watching TV and Hummel figurines are flying off the wall and we're just watching Antiques Roadshow. Pretend. And you hear things like, put it in my ass when I say the word, you know, Radiohead or whatever. And I just look at my wife and go, I bet that violin is worth 3,000. That one does.

[B]

Well, yeah. That's good. No, I think about, you know, having a son. I mean, I won't even talk about my daughter, but I know that my son watched porn. You know, they had phones in their hands at, you know, 12.

[A]

I did not know.

[B]

And he told me that I still.

[A]

Found porn at 14. You know what I would do? I would go into Manhattan.

[B]

You didn't go to Sex World in Times Square?

[A]

I did. I went into peep show booths.

[B]

No. And I saw the most crazy bestiality.

[A]

I was just going to say I saw. And it was my, you know, seeing a horse perform like that is not bad. You know, when you see Mr. Ed.

[B]

Well, I thought talking was impressive. This guy.

[A]

Wait till you see the fucking. No, but yeah, I actually. I remember I was a crazy kid. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not to brag. I don't want anybody to think I have a lifestyle that's better than theirs. But yes. And I. And I. I. Yeah. That's why I'm so dark, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I started smoking weed. I don't smoke it anymore, but I started smoking weed when I was 14.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would go to these peep show booths.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I remember one time, a low point for me was Thanksgiving. I was living in Manhattan and I had such a crazy relationship with my family. I didn't go see them that Thanksgiving. And I remember drinking cough syrup, smoking weed, and jerking off in a peep show booth. I was not 14. I think I was 46. I'm getting. I had just gotten my doctorate from John Hopkins.

[B]

I used to go to Sex World, which had like a. I love how you're like.

[A]

You didn't go to Sex World, did you?

[B]

Well, Sex World was great because not only did they have. They had the booths, but then they also had this live.

[A]

This live thing that was like a pit.

[B]

And you sat in a circle and you had your little. It was like a bank teller window. And you put in the coins and then the window would rise and then you could see the girls. I can't remember if you could reach out and take. Touch them. Could you read or was it glass?

[A]

No, that was not cool. You would see the other degenerates in their windows, which I didn't think was cool. And their window would open and you'd see some other guy and you would say, my God, is that what I look like? You know, some pharmacist who had a rough day.

[B]

And the girl is performing like she's in like Theater in the Round. You know, she's like Nate Brigazzi at one of his shows, you know, and she's trying not to leave anybody out.

[A]

The girls that I saw were very. It was a combination of hostile and indifference. There would be hostility and indifference, and I would just be looking at them and I. It was just all. For me, it was self reflection.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When. When that would happen, I would just be like, Jesus Christ, Daddy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you were on a path when you went to Brooklyn Tech of becoming an engineer of some sort. What the hell happened to you?

[B]

And then you walk out and you see the guy and he's got on the Smock, and he's got the mop and the bucket.

[A]

Dude, that is.

[B]

I always thought, there is no job. I want to do less than that.

[A]

That is very funny, because one of the sketches I wrote for my sketch group was, I'm interviewing for the mop guy at Peep World. And the interviewee is saying to me, the guy who runs people is saying, so why do you want to do this? And I'm like, I'm a people person. Which is always what I would say when I was applying for my waiter jobs. And. And the. The guy running the interview wheel. Come on. What do you mean you're a people? And so this guy was the same way going, what do you mean you're a people? And I go, well, I. I just like to mop sperm, you know, and it's always been a dream of mine to mop a lot of sperm. Was really dark.

[B]

And then they. They finish mopping the sperm, and then they have to stand out on Broadway and hand out flyers for people to come in. And it's like, here's the thing. If someone's gonna peep World, they know they're gonna peep World when they left the house that morning. Nobody's making like, you know, they know.

[A]

They'Re going to be.

[B]

There's no decision.

[A]

No, there are. There are. There are impulsive decisions. You think so I would have them. You know, I. A lot of times I would be like, you know what? I'm gonna go to the Fifth street, the beautiful New York City Library on 42nd and Fifth, and then have a detour because it was close to Peep World or whatever. You know, I'd be like, wait a minute. Why go to the New York City library and read a classic and be surrounded by beautiful literature when I could smoke a joint and go to Peep World? I know.

[B]

And once it's in your head, you can't not do it, right? Once you've thought about doing it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you're like, yeah.

[B]

But they also had a thing. When Giuliani came in and he cleaned up New York, he was getting ready. They had to change the name from Sex World to something Else World.

[A]

It was called Relieve Yourself World.

[B]

Please release me.

[A]

Take a break.

[B]

And they had to have literature as one third of the shop because the First Amendment people said that this is freedom of speech. And the porn magazines and the porn videos is freedom of speech. And so Giuliani said, that's fine, but a third of it has to be non porn related. So you'd walk into Sex World and they'd have Nabokov sitting there twirling little.

[A]

Hey, Nabokov. Is this about knobs? No, it's version of literature, sir. All right. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I'm thinking about those times, and it definitely. It was crazy that I was doing that. Like, I look back on it now and go, jesus Christ. Talk about being bereft of love. You know what I mean? That's what it really is.

[B]

Well, and I think it's what you said before. It is the opposite of a relationship, opposite of intimacy. Right.

[A]

You know, and then my relationships with women back then, this is why I'm dark is kind of what I'm coming to, you know, my relationships with women. Because my mom, I always get so confessional with you, but my mom. My relationship with my mom, she was bipolar and she was checked out for most of my life. She was not like a loving mom. She was in and out of mental institutions, really. Tell. This is what I would say to this guy. Hey, Andrew. What's his name? Somebody? Newman. Andrew Newman. Okay. Hey, Andy Newman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm going to be Nate Bogartzi, clean. When my mom was in and out of mental institutions starting when I was 4. Oh, yeah. Let me do some clean stuff on how funny hot dogs are. Even though they slaughter pigs, which are friendlier than dogs. Like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I also think doing clean material is also. This is what I. Now I'm thinking of things to say to this guy. But I also think doing clean material is a whitewashing of the brutal fucking world we live in. Yeah, it's brutal. It's run by insane people. Our world is run by insane people. Even before the Trump crew, which takes it to another level of insanity. You know, the Biden crew was also, you know, committing genus. All of this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know. Oh, yeah, Anthony, I'm gonna talk about how nice, you know, Say it. Yeah, I'm gonna talk about how nice, you know, it is to make your bed. You know, it's a nice thing to make your bed. You tuck it in and you're like, I can, you know, Now I feel clean. They used to say that in AA groups. Always make your bed.

[B]

Always make your bed.

[A]

And I'd be like, I don't think this is gonna help me a lot. But I was very willing when I first went into the programs, and I was. I'd make my bed a day or two, and then I gave it up.

[B]

Yeah, I always make your bed. First I gotta get the crack whore out and scrub the vomit off the pillows.

[A]

Get up. I gotta make my bed and recover.

[B]

All right. I had some questions I want to ask you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know I write a script for every guest. Do you do that on your podcast?

[A]

No, I don't have guests.

[B]

Is this the Apocalypse soon podcast?

[A]

Yeah, me and Kevin Tinkin.

[B]

Oh, you guys just. That's the way to do it. Guests are. Guests are difficult because you always feel like you're calling in a favor. I mean, you asked to come on my podcast, which is the greatest thing in the world.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

I love when people just ask to come on. I don't have to pick up the phone.

[A]

Right, but guess. But guests help you expand the reach of your podcast.

[B]

I don't have a reach. I have more of, like, really a shrug now there's. People Listen, people. The right people listen.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You'd be amazed the showrunners that listen to this show.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Judd Apatow listens to every show. Greg Garcia.

[A]

Hey, Judd. Hey, Greg Garcia. Thanks for basically overlooking me my entire life. And thanks for never really seeing who I really am.

[B]

That'll help.

[A]

Yeah. I remember Apatow. I remember seeing Judd at the Improv saying, look, if you insult me, I ain't using you. That's how Hollywood works.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, that's brutally honest. Thank you for being honest. But, God, what were you gonna ask Greg Garcia? Garcia. I know. He's.

[B]

I insulted. No, no, no, no, no. I insulted Judd. I will not him. But I shit all over girls on the Internet, on podcasts. And then I got. And then I got. I wrote something shitty about girls. And then somebody cc Judd on what I wrote on Instagram.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

And then Judd wrote back, Greg is a great comic and a good guy. I don't think he would ever. I don't think he would mean anything by that. And then I. And I didn't really know Judd, you know?

[A]

That's really nice.

[B]

So I DMed him, and I go, hey, man, thanks for taking the high road. I don't know what I'm doing. What are I shitting on, girl? Who am I? You know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we become. He's one of my closest friends now.

[A]

Oh, that's really nice. Is he really?

[B]

Yeah. We go for these long walks from Brentwood to the ocean and back.

[A]

Oh, my God. Mention me.

[B]

Do you have a headshot?

[A]

Do you have a headshot? Just give him a little matchbook cover.

[B]

My number now? You're a vegan now?

[A]

No, no. I went off of That I went off of that hard. And I'm trying to get back to it, but it's really difficult once you've got.

[B]

Well, you did it for your wife because she's a big animal rights person.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And I'm an animal rights person, too. As a matter of fact, I can't watch any of the nature docs or even Reed. Nature's getting brutalized now with the climate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Warming. The global warming. It's just so. Yeah, But I try to be a little vegan. Yeah, I try to be a little vegan. No, I try to be vegan and I do it here in la.

[B]

Yeah, it's easy in la, but when you're doing Elks Lodge in Oregon, good luck finding some vegan stuff.

[A]

Neil Brennan has a funny joke where when he's in Kansas City, he just knows big in his heart and he just goes to the guys, tell me where the fags eat.

[B]

No, I was just in Alaska and I was out with these guys, these Alaskans. They took me out for the day and we're driving home and I'm driving this monster pickup truck that's towing like a snowmobile. You're driving because they're both drunk. We stopped at a bar and they had seven appletinis each.

[A]

In Alaska.

[B]

In Alaska. Now I'm driving this duality and they give me a jerky to eat. Cause I was hungry. So I'm eating this jerky and the guy goes, you like it? I go, yeah. He goes, it's moose. I go, you shot a moose? And the guy was a cop. And he goes, no. We clean up the roadkill.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I make jerky out. I swear to God.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

But that's guilt free right there.

[A]

Well, if you're on seven appletinis.

[B]

All right, what's the.

[A]

Oh, guilt free. Because the moose was killed by a car.

[B]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

Yeah, I know that's what you're saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

I got a gig for you in Alaska, my friend.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah, it's in Fairbanks.

[A]

Oh, I've been to Fairbanks.

[B]

Yeah. And it's. And these people. I'm going to tell you some, if you want people that appreciate you being there and laugh hard and then thank you after the show.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

They're not too out of control.

[B]

Not at all. It's a red state. It's a very red state. But they don't have an attitude about it. It's. It's like a part of them. It's not them. You know, you go to some states and it's like that's all they can talk about. And every word that comes out of your mouth, they're looking for what side you're on. You know, they don't give a, they give a fuck about getting their drive, getting the snow off their driveway, cutting their fucking logs, getting a couple drinks in, you know, working their three jobs. Everybody's got like two thirds of a job that they have three of, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's, you know, that, that's, that's what, that's why politics is bullshit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's all about surviving and trying to live a comfortable life and then we get polarized and divided, but.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Go ahead. So. Yeah, let me know about that. Fairbanks.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna send you up there. I'm gonna talk to the guy today.

[A]

I'm gonna take a cruise ship there.

[B]

Well, that's, I would do that too. Because you can't get around Alaska on roads, you know, it's like a lot of that stuff you need to take. They have little planes that take you everywhere. So if you take a cruise ship, you can stop in Juneau and the Anchorage and, you know, work your way up.

[A]

Have you done that?

[B]

No, I really want to, but I.

[A]

I, I went to, I think it was Fairbanks on Halloween. I arrived on Halloween and it was so gorgeous. The snow was falling, it was about, it was about 20 degrees. And the guy greeted us and he said, you hit us during a heat wave. I just remember it was gorgeous. We drove around a little, but it was not easy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But when you, when you fly in and you look around, it looks like no place you've ever seen before. Everything is enormous.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And ferocious looking.

[A]

Right. Did you ever see Grizzly man, the doc about a failed actor?

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, I didn't see that.

[A]

Oh, you gotta see it.

[B]

Is that the one?

[A]

Werner Herzog.

[B]

This the one where the bear eats him at the end?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, the bear eats him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not at the end, you kind of learn that, but you see him interacting with. It's sad.

[B]

And I always find a documentary or it's a. Yeah.

[A]

Warner Herzog did a documentary called Grizzly man and the guy would call these ferocious bears thing like Mr. Chocolate. Mr. And I'm just thinking, I'm just thinking this is what Hollywood does to you. Like, he was, he almost had the role that Woody Harrelson got for the Cheers Bartender, according to him. Oh. And you know, it drives you to live with polar bears.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I get it, I get it. I was very close to landing a principal role on this TV land show and instead of going to Alaska, I went to Peep World.

[B]

Here's the gayest thing I've ever done in my life. I, me and my friend Anthony, who was from Canada, and he was this really good looking guy. He was like a Leonardo DiCaprio looking guy. And we're both in our 20s and we're in acting school in New York and we did this two year acting program together and I was doing stand up and so I said, I'm going to Montreal. And he goes, oh, let me come with you. He's from Toronto or something.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So we, so we, we go up to Montreal and we go to some strip clubs, you know, literally the best strip clubs in the world.

[A]

Oh, I've heard that.

[B]

So we go to some strip clubs and then we're all horned up and so we go to, we go to one of these peep shows, you know, but, but you know, we, and we went in the booth next to each other and the window open and we're looking at the woman, but she's like, really? She's going at it with herself, you know.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

And, and we both jerked off, you know, and then we came out and we were sleeping in a bed together at the hotel and we had both just come, you know.

[A]

You were sleeping in a bed together?

[B]

You never slept in bed with another guy in a hotel?

[A]

I, no, no, I, I draw the line at blowing him. Take that, Anthony Newman. Oh, I mean, having fellatio with him. Yeah, yeah. That's wild, dude.

[B]

Yeah, that's weird, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it wouldn't be as weird if he wasn't such a good looking guy.

[A]

It would. Yeah, right.

[B]

You know, right?

[A]

Yeah, that is pretty funny.

[B]

What's the gayest thing you've ever done?

[A]

Well, again, I'm going to be brutally honest. I think I, when I, you know, sexually exploring, you know how you sexually explore at a certain age? Again, I was 46. No, I was a young kid and I think me and my friend were comparing dicks, you know, and that, that was, that was.

[B]

You were what, like 13?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Around that age. And I was like, oh, you know, yeah, look at this thing I have. Why is yours so much larger?

[B]

Because it's hard.

[A]

But it was. And then even younger. No, no, no, I was younger. I was like in Brooklyn and I was like 8. I'll never forget the guy's Name because it was right on point. Michael Wiener.

[B]

No, that was his name.

[A]

Yeah. We took a bath together or something for no particular reason. And it was really weird because I think I remember my dad coming into the bathroom going, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, nothing, nothing. We were just talking about, you know, hockey. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He caught me off guard with that.

[A]

When you ask that kind of question to another guest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are they honest? Yeah, comics tend to be honest.

[B]

Honest. And also I have a disarming quality where people tell me things they would never tell other people because I think I. Because I really look people in the eyes and I create a sense of intimacy, even though I'm judging from the inside. Of course you are inside. I'm going, ugh, what the fuck?

[A]

Hopefully this will get me more listeners.

[B]

The title of the podcast is Pepitone's Penis Party. All right, here's this thing called Fastballs with fits.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Who would you want to play you in a movie?

[A]

Oh, it would have to be. Oh, that's an interesting one. Like, current.

[B]

Ernest Borgnine is dead. Yeah.

[A]

I don't like that when people think I look like that, you know, I've gotten, like, you look like Bert Young, but I've also gotten. You look like Bruce Willis, you know?

[B]

Oh, all right. You better do.

[A]

I have a wide range of ugly, kind of good looking.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

But I don't know, man. I. I guess. I don't know.

[B]

I think Burt Young is pretty good.

[A]

Burt Young people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Say, but he was never a big actor. Oh. I guess if he were alive. Gandolfini. Wow.

[B]

Yeah, I could see that, like, as.

[A]

A comic, you know, not as violent. Who. Who has a gruff vulnerability? Giamatti does.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I definitely don't want Seth Meyers playing me after that.

[B]

Keitel.

[A]

Keitel. I like. Yeah, I like Keitel. Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's go with something like that. Who's the worst opener that ever opened for you on the road?

[A]

Oh, God, there've been so many.

[B]

It's amazing because if it's a Thursday to Saturday gig and you see their set on Thursday, you're like, I'm gonna work with this guy five more shows.

[A]

Yes. It's like you got. And it's always picked by the club, not me. And I'm like, I like the people in charge of the club a lot of times, and I'm like, what the fuck are they doing? Are they paying off a gambling debt or are they just trying to, like, shape these kids? But, man, I. I Can't even remember. I just remember this one guy in San Francisco at the punchline who was so bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I was just like, oh, God. And I usually watch people's sets, but after set one and part of set two, I was like, I can't watch the rest of the weekend. Yeah, I'm gonna hit a vape penny.

[B]

Right. There's two types of people in the world. Go.

[A]

Two types of people in the world. Those who have been loved when they were young, really young, and those who weren't, Those who were criticized by their parents, those who were made scapegoat. So those are the two people in the world. People who were criticized and made scapegoats and didn't get love. And then people who got loved.

[B]

You can tell them right away? I think so I can tell someone who was loved and they feel entitled to ask for their needs to be met, which is something I go like, wow, that must feel so good.

[A]

Yeah, I always resent that, actually. You know, and that's why a lot of times when I watch young kids be out of control. I don't like the kids. I'm like, come on, suck it up and realize you live in a horrific existence. And then I have deep compassion for some kids because I'm like, oh, God, these parents suck.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

[A]

That's why I'm against children. And, you know, people. There should be some kind of, you know, we have exams to drive, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To have a license.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yet any pair of idiots can have a child.

[B]

Are you as many as they want and as many.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[B]

They should. At least after one, there should be a test, right? You get one. So we can kind of see what year. Maybe. Maybe you've got some surprise skills we didn't see.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So let's try that. And then after that, we snip everything.

[A]

Snip everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, totally.

[B]

Have you ever joined any clubs in your life?

[A]

Ah. You know what's funny is that I am thinking of doing that now, and it's. I think it's really funny. Vitello's is near me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the Valley, yeah. Oh, you know it?

[B]

Yeah. Wendy Lehman does a comedy show.

[A]

Yeah, she used to. Yeah. And it's so fun. That's where Robert Blake shot no fucking wife.

[B]

No, allegedly. Allegedly.

[A]

No, he did. And they actually had a soup named after he used to go there.

[B]

Is it wife drop soup?

[A]

They write themselves, folks. They write themselves. And that's why we do the podcast. You don't have to work In a coal mine. You could be a stand up comedian and tour this country. No. So he did it right in front of Vitello's. He went back into Vitello, got the gun inside and said, ah, fuck, I forgot my gun.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The worst defense I ever heard.

[B]

But didn't he walk on that? Didn't he not be convicted?

[A]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yes. Which I don't know how, but. But it was very funny, too, because he said, because I know that place in the Valley. Well, he said, there's a lot of gangs around here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's one of the most she. She places. Yeah. That little area like Valley Village. Oh. So Vitello. This is funny. I think I'm, like, thinking about doing this now with some of my extra money. Vitalos has private clubs that you can be a member of where you can just hang out, you know, read a newspaper in, like, really kind of comfortable surroundings, you know? You know, get special kind of menus at the restaurant. Yeah. At, like, back rooms that are pretty nice.

[B]

So this is what happens. You inherit some money and now you want to join like a.

[A]

But, you know, I didn't pull the trigger on it.

[B]

Do it, man.

[A]

I'm thinking of it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm thinking of it.

[B]

And you just go there with a newspaper.

[A]

I'm like, yeah, yeah. Or I asked him. Hi. Yes. Is my Wall Street Journal here?

[B]

Yes, it is.

[A]

We already laminated it. Thank you.

[B]

They put that stick on the binding of it. Yeah. In the library.

[A]

Thank you, Jesper. And let me get the vegan mozzarella balls. They actually have a very good vegan menu there. Yeah, they do.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

But. So I don't remember joining any other club. Like, I wasn't a boy scout.

[B]

You weren't a friar when you were new.

[A]

I wasn't a friar.

[B]

Friar.

[A]

You were a friar.

[B]

That's where I met my wife.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How'd you like the friar experience?

[B]

Well, my father was a friar. My father was in radio in New York.

[A]

How. He was.

[B]

Yeah. You probably listened to him. I bet your parents listened to my dad.

[A]

What was his name?

[B]

He was on wnew. Bob Fitzsimmons.

[A]

No way. Yes, I did. Because my mother was always listening to William B. Williams.

[B]

William B. Williams was the guy he went on after.

[A]

Yeah, I totally heard Bob Fitzsimmons.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That was your dad. Because my mother was a huge Sinatra, Streisand person. And wnew.

[B]

Oh, yeah. They played Sinatra and Streisand and Tony Bennett show tunes and yeah. You know, Ella Fitzgerald and.

[A]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[B]

It was great.

[A]

Dennis. There was another guy.

[B]

Yeah, Dennis.

[A]

Who was big there.

[B]

Yeah, well, there was William B. Williams, Ted Brown, Gene Clavin.

[A]

Gene Clavin, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Bob Simmons.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So your dad was in radio. What were you going to say about that?

[B]

Oh, so. So he was a member of the Friars Club because he was in the entertainment world. And so, you know, to join the club, you have to be in entertainment.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

You have to be sponsored.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So I was sponsoring a friend of mine, Sarah Fearon, to join the club. So the night of her initiation, she brought her friend, who is now my wife.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

And I talked to her. I was in. We were in the Milton Berle room, and I talked to her for 20 minutes. And I said to Sarah later that night, I said, I'm gonna marry your friend someday.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

So three years later, I brought her to the Friars Club and I proposed in the Milton Berle room. That's awesome. Yeah. Been together now 26 years.

[A]

You obviously dated a lot in between.

[B]

In between when I asked her out and getting married. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, the Friars Club had a lot of opportunities. She was the only woman under 60 in the club.

[A]

Did you like. Besides being your wife, which means it was a great win. But did you like the experience?

[B]

Loved the Friars Club. I used to go there every day. I used to go there every day for years. I had rollerblades and I lived down on Mulberry street. And so I would go. My acting school was on the west side in the first place.

[A]

And you went to acting school?

[B]

I would rollerblade up to acting school in the morning and it would last like three or four hours. And then I would rollerblade over to the Friars Club, which was on the east side.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

And I would work out and I would take a steam and I would read the papers on these lazy Boys.

[A]

That is amazing.

[B]

They had a gym and then they would always. And then they had a billiards room. They had two different tables and I would shoot pool. And they would always put out at 3 o'. Clock. They would put out these happy hour, like, tuna fish and egg salad with saltine crackers and that. I was broke, so that was my fucking meal that day.

[A]

Oh, my God. How old were you?

[B]

I was like, 22.

[A]

That's awesome. That's a great New York thing. How long were you in?

[B]

10 years.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you been able to recreate anything like that out here? Club Wise. Because they have a friars out here.

[B]

They do, but I tried it.

[A]

Not that great.

[B]

No. It didn't have the. The same vibe.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The one in New York felt like a place that people went to to be a part of the club. And the one in LA felt like people were going to like, make a deal.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah. But no, my neighborhood is like a club. We have very. A very close neighborhood and we eat at each other's houses, we play beach volleyball on Sundays, we have poker nights.

[A]

And, you know, so great. We raised kids together. Yeah.

[B]

Right now, Venice.

[A]

That's so great.

[B]

Yeah. But anyway, this isn't about me. It should be.

[A]

It should be. I keep telling.

[B]

Have you ever borrowed a lot of money?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That didn't take long. Jesus. Did you pay it back?

[A]

To my dad? No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To my dad. I never did. To other people. Yes. Yeah, yeah, Yes, I did.

[B]

Did it ever change your relationship?

[A]

Yeah, unfortunately. I fucked up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I was such a fucking idiot back then, but I was like, you know, I was like, denier, this is going to sound like I'm bragging, but did you ever see Mean Streets?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And De Niro? That was his first big role. He was Johnny, Was he? Johnny Sacks. But he was always like hustling. And I got a little like that in like a 30 year period of my life. No, it was like a 10 year, 10 year, very poor period where I was like, well, who can I hit?

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

You know, And I had. I really put my fucking morals on the back burner, you know. But I eventually did pay everyone off.

[B]

Yeah, but you can lose some friendships over that.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Yeah. All right, let's finish on an up note. What's the hackiest bit that you've ever done?

[A]

Oh, God damn. Yeah, I do it. What is the hackiest bit I ever done? I think when I first started out, I would put on a wig. Long blonde hair. I'd put on a wig and be like, where can I go? And I had a British accent. And to me, this was funny somehow, but I'd be screaming, I need a haircut. I need a haircut. You know? Remember? I'll tell you where I did that routine. Pips.

[B]

Yeah. In Brooklyn.

[A]

Brooklyn. In Sheepshead Bay.

[B]

So Dice started.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Oh, that was a bad experience.

[B]

That club was so tough. It was connected to a gym, like a real muscle head gym.

[A]

I don't even remember that.

[B]

Yeah. All right, listen, Eddie Pepitone, if you want to go see him, look, if you like dark, honest comedy and you love the. And you love Elks. He's going to be at the Elks Lodge in Hood River, Oregon. That's going to be November 7th and 8th.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And then if you want to see him at Skank Fest, he'll be there November 15th and 16th. I'll be there as well.

[A]

You will?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Awesome.

[B]

Andy Letterman will be there.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Denver Comedy underground. Great club. December 5th and 6th. If you want to get tickets, you go to Eddie Pepitone dot com.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And then also. Yeah, let me talk about the new special.

[A]

Yeah, we didn't talk about that at all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which was one of the purposes of me coming on, but.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Hopefully.

[B]

Well, I'm gonna do an intro to the podcast.

[A]

Yeah, do that. So, yeah, I have a new special that I taped in Chicago last summer.

[B]

Den theater.

[A]

No, it's called Lincoln Hall.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is mainly music venue, but I've performed there two or three times. And I taped a special there. Stephen Fine arts directed.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[A]

He just did Marin's the Doc. Are we good? And he's done my specials and Marin specials. Few other people's.

[B]

Isn't this produced by Patton Oswald?

[A]

And Patton is the executive producer. And I taped it in Chicago and I'm proud of this one as well. I don't get into. What's wild is I don't get into politics that much. I kind of explore. I call it the Collapse. And it's going on YouTube November 11th. And basically I mirror society's collapse. This was before Trump got elected. Through my own collapse. Like, I just talk about my personal collapse on this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I talk and it's about, like, at what.

[B]

Which collapse. I feel like. I feel like you're like the World Trade Center. Every 20 years, you. Something happens again.

[A]

Well, like I go on stage dancing and I. For a while and then I stop and I go, great. My Apple watch is asking if I fell and I start screaming at my Apple Watch. No Apple Watch. A fall isn't an event. One event. It's a long descent into hell. Apple Watch. That's what a fall. Fall is. That's what you should be asked. It started when I was young and I go on and on about that.

[B]

That's great. That's great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like your. Your other special. You walk on stage and you. And you. Yeah, you gotta. Most comics don't have a strong opener like that.

[A]

No, they don't. And I got a lot of praise for that Molly thing. And you know, when I thought of that. I was in the store just going, you know, I need a good opener. And I just. Every night I would try to think of one, and I finally hit on that. Come out and grab them.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

And then go down like, hey, everybody. Like, after screaming, I'm on my.

[B]

One of the devices that you use in your standup is you'll yell about something like, it's the most outrageous, bourgeois, shitty thing. And then you'll go way down and go, now I. I'm on Zoloft.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're yelling about. You then admit to doing.

[A]

Yeah, and then I even talk about that. I go, do you like how I'm modulating, folks? I took a modulating workshop where I go high and then I go low.

[B]

And you plant your feet. When you do a special, you think, well, the one I just watched, you did not move your feet once.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[B]

You were like a tree.

[A]

God damn it. You're right about that. And I think I move more in this one. Yeah, but.

[B]

Yeah, well, you're dancing, obviously.

[A]

Well, at the beginning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then once I. I think. Because they're special, you know, that's the one time, which is pain in the ass, where I feel like I really got to nail this.

[B]

It also makes it a lot easier on your editor, because it's true. Yeah, yeah. You can cut in and out of jokes, and you can have multiple takes, and you can go in and out of the specific joke that you're doing and put in the better version of the punch line.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't even think of that.

[B]

My God, it's hard to edit somebody who's running around the stage.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't think about that.

[B]

Eddie Pepitone also, he's got both feet in the door over at the Comedy Store. You can see him there a lot. Check that out. And the podcast is Apocalypse Soon. Apocalypse soon, which he does once a week. And, Eddie, it is always such a pleasure. Thank you for being here. Thanks for being my friend.

[A]

Thank you, Craig. Always a pleasure. Sa.