Ryan Sickler - Episode 1117

Summary

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Fitzdog Radio – Episode 1117

Guest: Ryan Sickler
Date: November 20, 2025

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Main Theme and Purpose

This episode features comedian and prolific podcaster Ryan Sickler, joining host Greg Fitzsimmons for a candid, uncensored, and hilarious conversation that covers everything from the evolution of comedy festivals and the shifting business of standup to deeply personal stories about family, health, adolescence, and sex. The episode is filled with hard laughs, confessions, and thoughtful asides as Sickler and Fitzsimmons share stories about careers, parenting, and some of their most formative (and embarrassing) life moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Skank Fest Recap and Comedy Business Evolution

• Greg gives a lively rundown of this year’s Skank Fest in New Orleans, highlighting the wild antics, the impressive organization, and the unique “cancel culture” dynamic pervading today’s comedy scene.
  • “It's a festival...And now that model [of getting discovered for a sitcom] doesn't work. That just doesn't happen anymore. You get famous now by getting canceled.” (Greg, 07:17)
  • Notable stories include a bizarre late-night street encounter involving drugs, mistaken sexuality, and boundary-pushing festival events (08:20-09:45).
• Greg reflects on changing industry norms:
  • “You get famous now by getting canceled and then apologize on Tuesday, doing arenas by Christmas. I think that’s the new business model.” (Greg, 07:47)

Health, Family, and Midlife

• The pair discuss personal health journeys, genetics, and the impact of family history.
  • Ryan talks candidly about lifestyle changes after health scares (his brother’s bypass at 49), obsession with health metrics, and being in the “top 10% of healthy men for my age/height.”
    • “For my age and height, I am in the 10% of healthy men at my age, height, etc...That's bad for the country.” (Ryan & Greg, 11:16)
• Greg shares his own family’s tragic cardiac history and muses about finding the “best” way to die:
  • “My dad went down 53. Heart attack. His parents both died in their 40s.” (Greg, 12:44)
  • “If you’re gonna go, that doesn’t sound like a terrible way to go...going out at a great Italian restaurant.” (Ryan, 13:17)

Aging, Mortality, and Attitudes Toward Tomorrow

• An honest, funny exchange about approaching 60, ambitions declining, and existential views on aging.
  • Greg: “Who cares? Life is so overrated…Let me go, 68, I’m good with 68.” (Greg, 14:46)
  • Ryan’s attitude: “I want to see tomorrow for sure, yeah.” (Ryan, 16:04)
• They compare sleep habits, referencing Shohei Ohtani—deemed greatest baseball player—who sleeps 12 hours a night (16:07-16:09).

Sports Talk: Cal Ripken and Modern Legends

• Ryan and Greg nerd out on baseball, especially Cal Ripken’s legacy, streak records, and debate over whether staying too long helped or hurt the team.
  • Detailed statistics and context on Ripken’s streak (19:52).
  • The infamous Billy Ripken “f***face” baseball card story (22:24).
• Discussion also includes modern players (Shohei Ohtani, Yamamoto) and the flavor of today’s MLB.

Standup Comedy & Touring Life

• Both share stories about rarely missing shows, the mishaps that did interfere, and anxieties around flying, especially during the holidays and post-surgery.
  • “I spent 24 hours in Phoenix and never made it...devastated.” (Ryan, 24:24)
• Hilarious tangent about “miracle flights” with old people in wheelchairs (25:01).

Parenting, Cars, and Drift Racing

• Ryan shares pride (and some exasperation) over his son’s career as a master mechanic and drift racer, including the challenges of being a sponsor and the misadventures around car swaps and sponsorship logos.
  • “I sponsored his drift car...I gave money to—how much money?—too much.” (Ryan, 28:52)
• They unpack the culture of drift racing, father-son dynamics, and the challenge of balancing support and discipline.
  • “I’m not trying to be cool dad…I’m trying to be reasonable, be understanding...I was like, no dude, you got to go earn some of this.” (Ryan, 35:29, 36:04)

Adolescent Sexual Escapades & Homoerotic Friendships

• The episode turns into a laugh-filled confessional as both share stories about losing their virginity, adolescent experimentation, and the fine line between friendship and homoerotic play.
  • Greg’s legendary bus-masturbation story (53:05)
  • “We had a bet of who would lose their virginity first...And then after, like, six months, there was a couple times where I got close...” (Greg, 38:49)
• The “chicken heart” party joke and other adolescent antics become a big running theme.
• Discussion about their open-mindedness around sexuality and how those boundaries were understood or crossed as boys and teens, including pranks, bathing together, and skinny dipping.
  • “We had our silk shirts on. Our mascara’s running as we get out. That’s hilarious. You guys are getting out looking like you both just gagged on each other’s dicks.” (44:54)

Comedy Craft, Podcasting Advice, and ‘Worst Opener’ Stories

• Interviewing: Ryan shares insight for prospective podcasters:
  • “Number one technique is just to be a good listener...you gotta shut that off when somebody’s talking to you.” (Ryan, 64:05)
• Both talk about managing openers on the road and the etiquette of giving feedback (crowd work, material, grooming new comics).
  • “Your job as the feature act is to kill with 20 minutes of material…You should be showing the club owner that you can destroy for 20.” (Greg, 65:11)
• Ryan recalls being “promoted” by Damon Wayans and discusses how underrated Damon is as a comic (68:03).

The Changing Landscape of Comedy

• Greg and Ryan discuss “cancel culture,” audience sensitivity, the need for comedic risk, and how comedy scenes like LA, New York, Austin, and Chicago all serve a role.
  • “I feel like there’s a lot of audiences today, regardless of what the topic is, that are just like, can’t talk about that. Nope, nope, nope, nope.” (Ryan, 70:12)
  • “It’s not the topics that are the problem, it’s the execution.” (Greg, 69:49)

Ryan Sickler’s New Special: "Live and Alive"

• Announcing and plugging Ryan’s new YouTube standup special, which was filmed at Madison’s Comedy on State, sold out against tough local competition, and is a deliberate return to the vibe of classic club comedy.
  • “It’s just—it’s still only a couple weeks. It’s not even two weeks old yet.” (Ryan, 74:58)
  • “Why do we put a cap on? Like, it’s a forever thing. So I’m going to be promoting it forever.” (Ryan, 75:20)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the business of comedy now:
  • “You get famous now by getting canceled and then apologize on Tuesday, doing arenas by Christmas.” (Greg, 07:47)
• On health & genetics:
  • “For my age and height, I am in the 10% of healthy men at my age, height, etc...That's bad for the country.” (Ryan & Greg, 11:16)
• On dying peacefully:
  • “I want to die in my sleep behind the wheel of a car that’s speeding down the 405.” (Greg, 13:55)
• On opening for Damon Wayans:
  • “I got promoted to feature for the rest of the weekend because the feature was super low energy. Damon was like, I feel like I’m coming out to zero. Let Ryan’s energy [lead in].” (Ryan, 68:03)
• Podcasting advice:
  • “Number one technique is just to be a good listener...you gotta shut that off when somebody’s talking to you.” (Ryan, 64:05)
• On masturbation discovery:
  • “Discovering masturbation. I would put up there with the level of...electricity.” (Greg, 49:42)
• Most homoerotic moment:
  • “We had our silk shirts on. Our mascara’s running as we get out. That’s hilarious. You guys are getting out looking like you both just gagged on each other’s dicks.” (Ryan, 44:54)
• On discipline as a sponsor-parent:
  • “Here’s what I do know. The difference between working and non working. Your car can’t drive down the street right now. This guy’s out there doing donuts with my [logo] on one of the doors.” (Ryan, 34:57)
• On the fate of comedy specials:
  • “All these channels are like, well, you know, comedians are the essence of what we are, and we respect their art. No, you don’t. No. It’s all commerce.” (Greg, 74:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Skank Fest Recap & Comedy Culture: 00:39–09:45
• Health Scares, Genetics, Death: 09:51–15:59
• Aging, Life Outlooks, Ohtani: 14:01–16:17
• Baseball Deep Dive (Cal Ripken, MLB): 16:18–23:33
• Tour Stories, Missing Shows, Airports: 23:37–26:48
• Parenting, Drift Racing with Son: 27:52–36:04
• Adolescent Sex, First Times, Masturbation: 36:33–54:03
• Confessional: Bus Masturbation, Massage Parlor Raid: 53:05–55:04
• Podcast Craft, Standup Road Etiquette: 63:03–68:12
• Damon Wayans & Comedy Evolution: 68:13–69:49
• Cancel Culture, Scene Divides: 70:12–72:05
• Ryan's Special "Live and Alive" Discussion: 72:16–74:58
• Sign Off, Mutual Praise, Final Laughs: 75:02–End

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Tone and Language

The episode is unabashed, direct, and raunchy — true to both comedians’ storytelling style. They riff freely, share deeply personal and frequently explicit stories, and effortlessly balance sincerity with humor.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a wide-ranging, combustive, and deeply funny deep-dive into both the state of comedy and the private lives of two veteran comics. Expect uncensored language, sexual anecdotes, life lessons, and real wisdom on health, parenthood, and the art of standup. If you like your comedy pods honest, raw, and heartfelt, this is a must-listen.

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*“Thank you, dude.” (Ryan, 75:33)
*“Can we go shower together without chicken hearts? I’ll chicken heart you, bro.” (Ryan, 75:35)
“Should we get on a bus? You want to get on a bus with me?” (Greg, 75:48)

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Transcript

[A]

Una silla de masajes puede pares er extravagante Ocho configuraciones differentes intensidada justable ademases calefacionado y se siente tambien si una sille pares extravagante y dos bueno a un mas Peru se vuelben bastante practicas El Volkswagen taeguan confuciones premium como los hacientos de lanteros con masaje dispon ibles solo parese extravagante.

[B]

Hi everybody. Welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I am your very congested host, Greg Fitzsimmons. Just back from Skank Fest. I would imagine most people come back from Skank Fest. I got a head cold. I would imagine it's more usually venereal diseases, bone breaks.

[A]

Aids.

[B]

I don't know, I got a bad head cold. If you're not familiar with Skank Fest, it's a convention. I gotta think anybody listening to this knows. But it's a convention by the legion of skanks. Guys in New Orleans used to be in Vegas. This was the first year in New Orleans and I was invited. Very nice to be invited and just way bigger than I ever imagined and way more organized. Like when you think of Louis J. Gomez and, and Big J. Okerson, you don't think of like shuttles running on time and hot meals being prepared and shows running on time and crowds being security being good. Everything was amazing. That, that being said, it was nuts. It was, you know, mushrooms. Everybody's handing you mushrooms and acid and weed. And there's after party at the barely legal hustler club every night. And you know, people fist fighting in a ring. They had a boxing ring, they had a. They had a nude battle roast every night where one guy gets dollar bill stapled to his body with a stapler gun. Like he stands there naked, this 400 pound guy who's painted green like Shrek. And people from the audience come up and they staple gun dollar bills to his body, including his forehead and his taint strip. Yes, that was my first night in town. I can't talk long because I'm so sick. But I just need to tell you a little bit about Skankfest. Every drug is given to these except Ozempic. I think that was the one drug missing that maybe they needed the most. But it's a festival. It's funny because like I've gone to festivals my whole life and usually the whole mo is you get discovered, you get a sitcom, you get famous. And now that model doesn't work like that. Just doesn't happen anymore. There's no sitcoms, there's no development deals. It's. You get famous now by getting canceled. And so Skank Fest comes along where they have like nine. There's 9,000 people in the crowd, like wandering around this convention center. They've all got cell phones while everybody is on drugs and naked and whatever. And. And they're videotaping it. And you're saying shit on podcasts. You would never say on other podcasts, people push the boundaries so far. And I think the idea is let's get canceled and then apologize on Tuesday, doing arenas by Christmas. I think that's the new business model. And the whole crowd, they're all videotaping. And it's all like, it looks like a January 6th uprising. It's a little bit. There's a lot more women there than you would think. But the guys all have like black sneakers and, you know, a Motorhead T shirt and camo shorts and like neck tattoos, lot of beards. A lot of girlfriends that are way better looking than they are. I don't know what the math is on that, but good looking girlfriends, one of them. I'm walking home one night with my friend and we get stopped by. We get stopped by this. These four people on the street and they recognize you. First of all, you get recognized. Like, I've never for four days been stopped on the street as often as here. It was such an ego boost. It was so. The fans are amazing. You know, they just want to tell you where they know you from and that they love you. And they take selfies and it's literally. You feel like Sean Penn or something. I don't know. Sean Penn. Who. Who's famous? John Travolta. I don't know. I felt famous. And these four people stop us and I'm with my friend and this girl starts flirting with him and he goes, I'm gay. And she goes. And she's on acid. Like, this is like 3 o' clock in the morning. And her jaw, like sticking off to the left. Her right eyebrow is up, her teeth are. She looks like a Picasso painting. And she's. And she's. Talking to him, she's flirting. And she go, I don't. Southern accent. I don't believe y' all gay. He goes, no, I'm gay. And she goes, I don't believe it. And he's like, trust me, I'm a gay man. And she goes. And then she reaches in and she grabs his penis with her Hand, like, deep and starts, like, massaging it and, like, kneading it like it's dough. And he's got his hands out to his side going, go at it. I mean, and then the husband. Her husband is standing next to me, and he goes, she gonna get him. She gonna get him. And then he finally admitted that there was a little bit of activity happening. So it was a win for her. It was a win for everybody. And then I was hanging out with Joe List one day at a Starbucks, and there was a huge group of overweight, poorly dressed Midwesterners standing in front of the Starbucks. And this couple comes in, and we start talking to them, and we go, what are you doing? And they go, oh, we're getting picked up by a bus. We're getting on a boat. We're going on a boat tour. And I said, where are you going? And they go, well, we go to Panama and Honduras and whatever. And I go. And I go, oh. And they go, what? I go, you didn't hear about Honduras? And they're like, what? I go, there was a civil war. A civil war started yesterday. You didn't hear about this? And they're like, no. I said, yes, bad. It's like machetes and swords. It's like blood. And Joe List just picks up on it and starts going with me. He's like, oh, yeah, I think. And she goes, well, they go, yeah, our bus is late. They go, do you think that's why our bus is late? And Joe's like, oh, definitely. Yeah, that's why the bus late. And. And then they walk outside and we see them talking to the crowd through the window, and their arms are waving and everybody's talking, and it was fantastic. Anyway, lots of fun stuff like that happen. I'm sorry. I wish I could talk more. There was a Ms. Skank fest, which, you know, it was a beauty contest in a boxing ring. And the winner, I think the winner. They helped her the next day find her parents and get her daughter into rehab. So it was a heartwarming, uh. All right, let's get to it. Shout out to Sean Patton, who I had a great time hanging out with. The best, David Tell. Hung out with David Tell a lot. Really fun time dates coming up. I'll be in Phoenix at the Desert Ridge Improv, November 28th to the 30th. That's right after Thanksgiving. San Francisco Punchline, December 11th through 13. I will be in Bananas in New Jersey December 26th and 27th. Then I'm coming to Cleveland, Atlanta, Sacramento, Philly Lexington, Houston. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Come on out. We'll see you there. All right. My guest today, actually talked to him last week, and he is the host of the Honeydew. So you already know who he is. Big podcast. And he also has. He is the Crab Feast. Does Crab Feast. I think Crab Feast he used to do with Jay Larson, but now he does another show called the Way Back. He's got huge podcasts. He's hilarious comedian. We had such a good hang together. He's a real friend. I loved him. Please enjoy my chat with the great Ryan Sickler. Welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. My guest is the mighty and skinny Ryan Sickler. You're down. You told me 30 pounds almost.

[A]

I'm like 20.

[B]

Dick weight. Where does it come from?

[A]

Well, I don't know where it goes. I'll tell you that, because it didn't go in my dick. You know what I mean? It should be lost. That just funneled in, you know, look.

[B]

How many people would start losing weight.

[A]

The gym would be packed. It would be packed. Just big dicks on the treadmill. No, I just. I just took my time. After all the health stuff, I was like, okay, I'm that. My 50s have been really, like, dialing in health.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I've done the CT scans on my hearts. I did a cardio angiogram because my younger brother, who's not. Who's 49 now, just had a triple bypass.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Old school, too.

[B]

Like, I didn't drink her in a smoker.

[A]

Not at all. Just our genetics. So I've got the bad blood, he's got the bad heart. My other brother is like, I've set the treadmill record. We're like, you, you dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bragger. But I went and got a gallery test. It's called, like, all these precursors for Cancer. And I'm super into it now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's almost like my fantasy football.

[B]

Your body?

[A]

Yeah, the numbers inside and stuff. I mean, I don't.

[B]

Does Vegas like you right now?

[A]

Face. Is this Face and this bodies.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Your face loves me right now. Vegas loves you, my doctor said. And again, I don't know how good this is or what this says about American society, but for my age and height, I am in the 10% of healthy men at my age, height, etc.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like this. He's like, yeah, bro, you're top 10%. I was like, that's. I don't know if that's good. You know what I mean?

[B]

That's bad for the country. Yeah, this is bad for.

[A]

This is not top 10%.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

But on. On our chart it is.

[B]

Yeah, but the thing is, the way you're doing it is right. Like Bert Kreischer. He's huge right now. And he.

[A]

He's on the what? He. And when I was doing his pod, he was starting the Ozempic. Yeah, but the other. I don't know the other one. I don't mess with it. I really don't know. These guys are all talking about it. That's the other thing. All our friends now are scientists. Well, it's just 10 milliliters of GL2s. And I'm like, what the are you talking about?

[B]

Yeah. And it's like, can you break down the Cheetos that you just ate? What's in that?

[A]

What's in that? What's in Dorito dust? What's in that, bro?

[B]

What's in the vodka you make in some still behind your house?

[A]

I'm going hard on trying to figure out what's going on in there. And I have. I. I was rap. My mother and father, you know, they were divorced. Whatever they g. We were McDonald's and fast food. Non stop pizza. Easy.

[B]

Crab legs in Baltimore.

[A]

Not legs, bro. Whole crab. Yeah, but I have zero percent blockage.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

And I shouldn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean I wouldn't have put. I wouldn't have put a dollar that I had zero blockage. And I have zero blockage. Internal, external hearts. Money.

[B]

Yeah. So good for you, man.

[A]

No. Knock on wood. No.

[B]

My dad went down 53. Heart attack. His parents both died in their 40s.

[A]

Wait, down. Heart attack.

[B]

Dead Dead instantly at Rao's restaurant in Harlem in the middle of a plate of pasta. No. Went down, Craig. All the mob guys ran out the back. They thought it was a killing.

[A]

They haul it your.

[B]

They see a guy go down, they yeah.

[A]

Bam, boy. Ask questions later. Who was it? What the happened?

[B]

It was an Irish guy. All right, we can come in and finish dessert.

[A]

But also, and I don't mean any disrespect, but I mean if you're gonna go, that doesn't sound like a terrible way to go. Maybe for everybody watching. Yeah, but I'm going out at a great fucking Italian restaurant in a plate of their fucking food. There's a lot worse ways to go.

[B]

Laughing. He was in the middle of laughing.

[A]

No. Can we be that lucky?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I've watched how my dad died and my grandmother died. I'll take a Plate of fucking spaghetti every day.

[B]

I'm going to go fast. How do you want to d. Die?

[A]

Yeah, I want to go. I don't. I don't want to know about it.

[B]

Yeah, I want to go.

[A]

Hey, when it's done. Light switch.

[B]

I want to die in my sleep behind the wheel of a car that's speeding down the 405.

[A]

The right way or the wrong way?

[B]

Both.

[A]

Both.

[B]

Back and forth.

[A]

You want to take people with you is what you're saying, right?

[B]

No, I. I'm. I'm. I'm happy to go when I go because I feel like I front loaded my life. I don't see a ton of great shit happening from this point forward.

[A]

How old are you now?

[B]

I'm 59. I mean, what's gonna happen? I'm gonna stop getting booked at the clubs I get booked at. My podcast is gonna. Yeah, just sort of peter out. My. My sex life is gonna deteriorate. My kids are gonna stop visiting as. Who wants to do that? Let me go. 68.

[A]

You're good with that?

[B]

I'm good with 68.

[A]

That's only nine more years.

[B]

Yeah, that's good.

[A]

Really? Less than a decade.

[B]

Who cares? Life is so overrated. I think it's like what you said. If I could plan a good death, if I can be on stage, finish.

[A]

The set, that's how you would want to go?

[B]

Collapse. Yeah.

[A]

That'd be the most viral shit we ever do, too.

[B]

I know. I get to see it.

[A]

You don't even get to see it or enjoy it. That's exactly what's gonna happen. Got 80 million views.

[B]

What? I know. I know. So. No, I think that people I admire, like my friend, we had dinner last night at this good Italian restaurant. There's five of us. We're all writers, showrunners, all straight white guys. We are out of work year after, ever since the pandemic. We meet for dinner every six months. And we got a rule. If you got a job, you're not allowed at the dinner.

[A]

That's great. So you all see each other all the time.

[B]

And, you know, my friend was talking about his dad, and like he said, his motto is, I can't wait for tomorrow. He goes to bed early because he wants to wake up early. And I just think I want to wake up as late as humanly possible. I. I have no interest in tomorrow.

[A]

Well, I have an interest in tomorrow, but I have an interest in sleeping in and be arrested for.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? I want to see tomorrow for sure, yeah.

[B]

Tani sleeps 12 hours a night. Did you know that?

[A]

Well, I mean, he's also the greatest baseball player on this rock in outer space. So.

[B]

Of all time or just right now?

[A]

Of all time.

[B]

Better than Cal Ripken.

[A]

Look, I actually shook my head the wrong way. Of all time. Do that for the people who read in the body. Yeah. I mean, a guy that. Look, people are going to argue all they want to about Babe Ruth and everything, whatever. Babe Ruth was great. No doubt. But he's not, you know, he. He ain't hitting an 89 mile an hour screwball. Okay.

[B]

Right.

[A]

These guys are insane. And for him to put on that World Series performance at the plate and on the mound, I don't think there's an argument anymore.

[B]

And it's not get shelled. Nope.

[A]

You know, I mean, he's, he's like, if you sign that guy, you're getting two all star players.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A positional player and a pitcher. They're 2 and 1. He is the greatest player right now.

[B]

Leader. He inspires everybody on that team. And he intimidates the other team.

[A]

And the fact that Toronto was chanting, we don't need you. Remember there were all the rumors he was coming up there. I don't know if you heard about that.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah. So he was rumored to be signed by the Blue Jays and they were stoked. And then it was apparently just a rumor. He was never on a flight. All this shit. He's a Dodger. So then the Blue Jay fans are like, you know, fuck you. So during the World Series up there, they were chanting, I think it was, we don't need you. And you know who found it funny? Him and his wife. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm talking. You know what I mean? Don't be a dick. He's like, that's great, guys. That's good. Turns out they did, though. Turns out they did.

[B]

Yeah, they did.

[A]

And everybody could use Tani. There's one of one. That guy.

[B]

And then Yamamoto turns out to be the mvp, you know, throwing three games in the World Series.

[A]

Three. And if you really think about that World Series and we don't have to keep doing sports talk. That was a. That was an eight game series. That one game was 18. Eight game World Series. Those guys played. That was a phenomenal World Series.

[B]

It was exciting and it drew people in. You know, people talk about, oh, you're fair with a fan. Yeah, exactly. I wait to the end of the season I don't have three hours to.

[A]

Sit around in June 162 times a year.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

No.

[B]

October, when it gets cold.

[A]

Wait till I get older, damn it. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

As soon as it gets cold, I see leaves, change of color, I go baseball. Let's check in on that. It's like now with hockey. You wait till it's hot out and then you start watching the playoffs. It's like fucking May by the time they're playing.

[A]

Baseball's my background. I'll just put it on. I don't watch it, but it's.

[B]

Where would you put Cal Ripken? Now, people don't know Cal Ripken was a shortstop for the Baltimore Orioles. He played longer than almost any player in history. Right.

[A]

Well, I'll give you the stats if you want.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The Iron man is what they call him now, but Lou Gehrig was the guy who had it first and. Wait, no.

[B]

Was it Lou Gehrig's record he broke Joe DiMaggio, maybe.

[A]

No, hold on. Consecutive games played. Who was it? Can we look?

[B]

Paul. Most consecutive games played.

[A]

It's. I think it's Lou Garrett. Shame on me. You better edit this out.

[B]

Yeah, but he got his own disease.

[A]

Yeah, he did what?

[B]

Did what? Cal Ripken do. But is there an argument he played too long and held the team?

[A]

We're gonna do all these conversations, but I can't move forward until I hear this name because it's gonna drive me nuts.

[B]

Is our crack staff.

[A]

Yeah. Cal Ripken Jr. Who'd he beat? Who? Streak.

[B]

Lou Gehrig.

[A]

I was right.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

So Lou Gehrig had 2,130 consecutive games played. Ripken had 2131 when he broke the streak.

[B]

But he went 2100 games without an injury.

[A]

2131. Now, he played through injuries, but not enough to keep him out. Now he retired.

[B]

Ask his kids how many fucking birthday parties he missed.

[A]

Well, his son, Ryan Ripken, and I communicate on social media. Really? Yeah. He's a sportscaster in Baltimore. He's really knowledgeable and good. Shout out to Ryan Ripken over there. But 2632 is where the streak ended. So he did another 500 games after that. 500 consecutive games after that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So 2,632 consecutive games played at shortstop. He's the first of the big shortstops. Earl Weaver moved him from third to short. And that begins the run of the Jeters and a Rods and the larger shortstops. Kyle's the guy for that. To your question, did he Hurt the team by staying in. We sucked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People always say this. We sucked. That guy, if anything, should have fucking took a day off. We weren't going anywhere.

[B]

Or got traded anything.

[A]

We weren't going anywhere for year after year. He knew it. He could have took a breather, could have took a day off. Could have. No. But he showed the fuck up. The only reason a lot of people would come to Oriole games back then also when we sucked, was because of Cal. Let's go see Cal. Let's be part of that streak. Whatever. So in no way was he selfish or did he hurt the team, because, number one, there was no one else better than him that we had.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And two, we're not. We're. We're seller dwellers. Who cares?

[B]

I think he also took a pay cut in the. In the later years.

[A]

He might have. He's the. Cal's the best. And now he's part owner.

[B]

Now. Let me ask you this. Was he married to the same woman all these years? Well, because that would be so funny if he's, like, loyal to his team and he's, like, got six wives.

[A]

I think he was with his wife. They're his. Look, I don't know their personal life that much, but he and his wife that he has the kids with are not together anymore. But. But they were during all that stuff.

[B]

Because they had a good streak with her.

[A]

Yeah. They were there waving with the family stuff.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And his dad was so. His dad, it's crazy, too, because they're all Maryland guys. So his father at the time was the coach, and then he and his brother Billy Ripken played on the team at the same time. So you got a father and two sons on a major league squad together, and dad's coaching his two sons. And you know Billy Ripken's famous card, right? The baseball card says fuck face on the bottom of it.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Dude, you don't know about that.

[B]

And they put it out.

[A]

You've never seen it? No. You gotta look it up. So guys were dicking around, and one of them wrote fuckface on the bats before they went out there. And he just didn't look. He just grabbed it and he put it there and he smiles. And it's worth money now. Yeah, it's the Billy Ripkin card. Yeah.

[B]

So did he ever go to a World Series in all those years?

[A]

Yeah. So he's rookie in 82, 83. He goes to World Series and we win. So I'm sure for Cal, he was like, yeah, this is gonna Be. We're gonna be back here again. And we never were. So he got his. He got it in 83 right away with Eddie Murray. They got it and got it out of the way. Yeah, but we were. Our organization was good because we were the Yankees or dodgers of the 60s and 70s. We were 66, 69, 70, 71. 79, 83. That run right there. We were always in the World Series.

[B]

Yeah. You know, played the Mets in 69 and lost.

[A]

That was the amazing Mets and all that. Which also. Yeah. We played the Cincinnati Reds in 70 and 1. That was the Big Red machine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Swept the Dodgers in 66, I believe it was.

[B]

Damn. I wonder what my streak is as a standup, because I have very, very rarely missed a show. Like, I've called in sick to the Comedy Store in all these years, maybe twice. And in terms of going on the road, I can't remember ever canceling a gig on the road. I always make it. 35 years.

[A]

2 has happened to me. Two. One was health. When all the health stuff happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the other one was it was my first time going to do Omaha, and I was stoked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the flight gets delayed, and we land in Phoenix, and they're like, that line right there. And we're like, what the fuck? And I spent 24 hours in Phoenix and never made it. They were like, you're not going to make it on your flight today. I'm like, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was the first time I ever missed, ever. And I was devastated.

[B]

I went. I have adhd, and so I went to LAX to fly to San Francisco, like, the closest airport to lax, and I'm there an hour early, and my ticket says, gate 48B. I go over, I sit by 48B and, you know, I start reading a magazine, and then I look up and I'm like, what the fuck? When are we gonna. When are we gonna board? And I go to. I go, when are we boarded? She's like, no, it's 48A. And I look over and, like, it was like in a movie. The door just, like, closed. And I was like, can I get on? They're like, no, once the door's closed, the door is closed.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I missed my Thursday night show at the Punchline in San Francisco because of my adhd.

[A]

You could have drove up now.

[B]

I know, I know. Well, look, what. Let's see what's gonna happen with these tsa.

[A]

Oh, I'm so glad I'm not flying right now.

[B]

Chicago.

[A]

Major anxiety. If I was traveling Right. I don't start my tour again until February.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, man, I'm seeing. And it's also. It's Thanksgiving, right? It's all the holidays, the worst time to fly. And I. I'm seeing people outside Houston in, like, the driveway area. Like, they're lined up out outside the airport. You got pre check and clear.

[B]

Not only that, I just had knee surgery on Monday, so I'm getting in a wheelchair. They're gonna wheel me up to that gate. I'm gonna go around everybody.

[A]

Well, you might. You might be able to get in faster than everybody else.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, for sure. They got this flight that goes. They got this flight that goes from laguardia, New York, to Palm Beach, Florida. All the old people. I was gonna say they call it the miracle flight because it's all wheelchairs loading people on. And then when they get to. When they get to Palm beach, they walk off. Nobody needs a wheelchair.

[A]

Nuh.

[B]

They're all just cutting the line.

[A]

Okay. I saw a video that this might be it. This guy took his camera and he just panned like this, and it was. It must have been 12 wheelchairs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two by two. And he's like, this is getting out of hand. I was like, what the fuck is that? And they're all walking off. That's a motherfucker right there, man. I tell you, the miracle flight. I want to get on the miracle flight.

[B]

Yeah, I just had. Yeah, I had knee surgery. Surgery. And I'll tell you what, man, you've been through this hospital, it. You just. You're just so tired. All the time. I've been taking. I never nap. I've taken two naps a day for the last three days.

[A]

Did I wit. That's something. I wish if I could go back. I wish I learned the art of the nap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never been a napper now, but if I shut my system down, it's down, right? You know, rarely can I pop back up, and then I don't have energy. Yeah, I'm done. And I'm like, what? Yeah. We wake up panicking, like, what day is it? Where are we?

[B]

Well, the key is they say 20 minutes. Set your watch for 20 minutes.

[A]

Can you fall asleep in 20? You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, fall asleep in 19, right? Yeah.

[A]

My whole. My whole point is I'm. Now I'm thinking about the 20 minute. The timer's ticking. I can't. I'm stressed out about getting there, and then I'm. What am I going to get? Really? Four minutes. It doesn't make any sense.

[B]

No. 19 minutes. I got to go through three of those or am I ever going to work again? Two is what's going on with my asshole. You ever lay in there and you're like. And like. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not scratching it because I don't.

[A]

Want to fuck up my ass.

[B]

Something's going on with my asshole right now.

[A]

Solid ass.

[B]

And then, like, mom hasn't called me back. That's three minutes. You know, Is my. Are my kids ever gonna get jobs? That's six minutes.

[A]

I feel like you have to lay down for an hour to get to 20.

[B]

Yeah, right, right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How's your son, by the way?

[A]

He's good.

[B]

Yeah. He's a good kid.

[A]

He's a good kid.

[B]

So you work at Ford still?

[A]

No, actually, this kid's done great. They had him go. This kid was out like we were. He was always in another city, too. Ford was sending him around the country to be a master mechanic. And I guess there's like schools in each city or whatever. But he recently got hired for a company, and I always forget there. They. They work with a bigger company called Hoonigan. They're in the race world, and they really like the work he was doing on building these cars for Ford and stuff. So they, like went out to him and said, would you be interested? So he took that job.

[B]

So it's like race cars.

[A]

Yeah, he's super into automotive. No. Yeah, he drifts. He's a Dr. I sponsored his drift car and stuff. He's out there on the drift track.

[B]

Drift after the LA Dodgers won the World Series.

[A]

Not. No, his drift card on work right now. His drift card on work right now.

[B]

Thank God.

[A]

It should. But no, he didn't do any of that. No. So you sponsored tracks on a track.

[B]

You sponsor his drift card?

[A]

Yeah, I'm one of the sponsors, but I gave money to.

[B]

How much money did you give them?

[A]

Too much. Do you know about drift racing?

[B]

I feel like it's the opposite of what most parents do for their son.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

I go like, don't drive fast. And you're like, here's some money. Drive really fast.

[A]

Have fun and enjoy it. But here's the thing about drifting. I didn't know. I grew up with racing being, you know, head to head against one another or a clock.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But drifting is subjective. It's different. It's. It's. So it's two at a time. So let's say you and I are in our Cars, Right? I'm in car one. You're in car two. The job of car one is to drive that track. And as often as you can on those turns, get your ass end or your wheels to the edge of the track. There's actually a white line and they judge you based on that sort of dance you can do with your car and how you can maneuver it. Car two is not. Because I kept saying, why aren't you passing them? He's like, you don't pass. Car two is basically. And I know people are gonna be like, shut the fuck up. You don't know. But basically you're trying to mirror Car 1 as closely and dance with it the best you can. And then you get judged on that. Then we switch and now we'll do two laps. I'll go in one and you'll go in two. Wow. And. But it's left up to judges like boxing or ufc, so. Oh, that was my nephew. So he's gonna win today. So I don't like that part.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The other part is they go through tires. I had no idea.

[B]

I was gonna say tires. Tires.

[A]

It's also nerve wracking to be at the track if it's your first time. It is just like. It sounds like there's a 40 car pileup coming at you every 10 seconds. It's just like, what? You can't help but like, God damn. And then you get used to it. But yeah, the tires are expensive. He had a little Z, actually. Well, God. We'll go ahead and say it. So I'm a little upset with him. Right. 280Z, I think it was a. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm a little upset with him because he sold that car. Sold that car to get this other car, a BMW that he really likes. I'm like, okay. Did you take the logos off of it? I did. Okay. And I said, make sure because I don't know who that guy is. That could. That guy could be a Nazi. I don't want my on that. I don't know. He could be a, you know, a wife beater. I don't want. I don't know who that is.

[B]

Some guy that's going to race any streets, right?

[A]

He's like, yeah. I took him off. I said, okay. So then two days ago, he hits me up and he goes, I got to tell you, I go, what? And he goes, remember the car I sold? I go, mm. He goes, well, it ended up being sold now to this big drifter. And I go, how big? And he goes, it's got 2.5 million followers. I go, all right, well, what's up? And he thinks I'm gonna be upset because he traded that car or sold that car for this other car that was so much better, which he has not got running yet.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So I am gonna be a little upset that I've put money and so is his mom and other people into this car that you said this one's better, and since you got it, it's been in a G. But that one is still out there going. So it seems like that car was.

[B]

Being seen by 1.5 million followers. Yeah.

[A]

So he knows the world we live in today, and that is he.

[B]

So he does. He fixes it up himself, rebuilds the engine, does everything.

[A]

He's great. And so is that community like it was. They're gearheads, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if we're all out there racing and your car's not working, we're all coming over to help. We also need you. You know what I mean? So they just. They get hard ons for car so big. I like. They all want to show they can do it and eat. They all love to help each other. It's actually really cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he goes, well, I forgot. I forgot. These are the words. I get to take one of the logos off.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Now, there were two massive ones on the door. I think there was one on the back. It was a small little circle one up in the corner of the hood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I said, which one? That little one up in the corner on the hood. He said, no one on the door. I said, the whole door. It's on the whole. What are you talking about? He goes, I thought I took it off. I go, okay, listen, Stop right now. You're 22 years old. I know you're panicking. I know you think I'm going to be pissed, but I'm more pissed that you're lying to me right now. You lied to me and told me you took them off. Then you called back and said, I thought I did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you said you tried, and I said, you didn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He goes, yeah, well, when I started to peel it off, it started to fuck the rapper up. And the guy didn't want to fuck the rapper up. So my fans yesterday sent me a picture. There's the car. And they're like, sickler, this guy's got your honeydew car out here.

[B]

Oh, it was. Was it the honeydew logo?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No. Yeah. That's good for you, though.

[A]

It says, with Ryan Sickler as long as this guy's a good guy, I mean, I'm assuming he is. I have no part in any of this. I'm just being thrown into this whole mix of shit because he did this sloppy and wasn't honest about it. So maybe, maybe it turns out on a great thing. Maybe this guy's like, oh, fuck, yeah, I'm gonna run that. So people are seeing. So anyway, the cars, these cars, when they're racing them out there, they're falling apart too. Bumpers are hanging off and shit. And he's telling me he can't sell it because the wrapper's coming off a little bit. When I see it again, it's got a white quarter panel, a black fender, the car, I go, what the fuck are you talking about? So I said, dude, this is fucked up. You did this really sloppy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not stoked about it at all. And I have a right to be upset about it. And he tries to do the mansplain shit where he's like, well, my car's being built for this and that. I said, don't, don't do that, dude. Yeah, don't tell me. I don't know what I'm talking about. And it's. I said, here's what I do know. The difference between working and non working.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your car can't drive down the street right now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This guy's out there doing donuts with my. On one of the doors.

[B]

It's one of the things about having a son, because I have a son who's. Wait, how old is your son?

[A]

22.

[B]

Yeah, mine's 25. Damn, he's only 22. Mine's 25. And you're trying to keep the door open. You're trying to go, I'm cool, dad. I'm not judging you. I'm not going to bust your balls. But at the same time, you're trying to give your kid discipline and accountability. And that's such a fine line all the time.

[A]

Well, I'm not trying to be cool, dad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm trying to be reasonable. I'm trying to be understanding. And I'm also trying to be open minded.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the sense that I don't. My dad died when I was 16. But I don't know, he's. He's of the, you know, like, you're the Vietnam era. If I'm like, I want to be a clown, I. I mean, I'm sure he would have supported it, but been like, what the are you talking about?

[B]

Right?

[A]

So I'm like, you want to be a race car driver? Okay. I don't know anything about this race world, you know, at all. So I'm gonna trust in you that you're being honest and that you're being. You're doing the right thing by your.

[B]

Sponsors, treating it like a business.

[A]

Yes, it's a business, and it's not a handout. And there was more money. I could. And I was like, no, dude, you got to go earn some of this. Like, you're not going to appreciate it if all the money is given to you. Go. Go sell some you got in your room at a yard. So do whatever you gotta do to raise 800 for these tires. You go do that. Like, be a part of this. It's ground up right now. Entry level, bro.

[B]

Yeah. Does he have a girlfriend?

[A]

Mm. He's got a serious girlfriend. He's had her. They've been together for a few years now.

[B]

Did he lose his virginity to her?

[A]

I never asked. I'll get back to you on that.

[B]

Well, if they started dating at 15, 18, depending on.

[A]

I mean, I lost my virginity at. I was just. I was 15, but, like, a month before 16. So he could have lost his virginity before that.

[B]

I was exactly the same age.

[A]

February of 19, 1990. I lost my virginity.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

Where were you in February?

[A]

You believe this?

[B]

Is there a small wooded area near your house in Baltimore?

[A]

You know Deer Park? Deer Park, Yeah. That's where I was. Dude, that was in a parking lot. Gravel lot. I lost my virginity on gravel. In a car, but on gravel.

[B]

Mine was on.

[A]

You told me I was on the.

[B]

Hood of a Camaro.

[A]

Camaro, bro. It's legendary. Yeah, legendary. And sliding off.

[B]

Sliding off my pants, around my ankles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Johnny Trouble was on the back hood.

[A]

Johnny Trouble?

[B]

Johnny Trouble. He was getting laid on the back hood. But it was my first time. Yup.

[A]

Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know. I'll ask him.

[B]

And then she said to me, before I lost my virginity to her, my parents were out one day and she came over the house. This girl had presence. She had big tits, and she called them pride and joy.

[A]

Nuh. A high school girl.

[B]

And we got on my bed and she pulled down my pants, and she looked me in the eye and she goes, I'm gonna give you the best blow job you've ever had in your life. And I was like, odds are good. The odds are very high.

[A]

Was that your first blow job? So she was definitely good no matter what. Even if you came away bleeding, it was the best one.

[B]

The bar was low.

[A]

She don't even know how low the.

[B]

Bar, but I'm telling you, man, to this day, she was. She. There was. There was ball work. There was side slides. There was a lot of side slides.

[A]

In the 80s from a high school girl when you're a high school kid.

[B]

A side slide.

[A]

Where's she learning that?

[B]

There's no Internet. Then there was no porno to watch. She just had presence, man. Yep.

[A]

I'll keep that part quiet.

[B]

Well, and the best part was me and my buddy Sneaky Pete, we had a bet of who would lose their virginity first that we started when we were 15. And we said, all right, 20 bucks to whoever loses their virginity first. And then after, like, six months, there was a couple times where I got close, and I decided I didn't want this girl. I didn't think this was the one I wanted to lose my virginity to. And so I said, I think we should have a clause where if you lose your virginity, the other guy gets two weeks to lose his virginity, and it nullifies the bet. So he comes along and he tells me, I had sex last night. And I said, who with? And he said, the girl's name, and I won't say it. And I go, no shit? I was kind of like, I don't know, man, because you could have shot a little higher, you know, like, just in terms of the miles under the hood, you know? So I said, all right, I got two weeks. And so that night, I was hanging out at the Benches in Tarrytown. We all sat outside, smoked cigarettes, and we waited for anybody we knew with a car to come by and pick us up. And then we'd go get a couple six packs, a bottle of, you know, Boone's Farm strawberry wine, we head off to one of the seven spots in town, you know, the hot spot, the Zach Bong Bridge, the gazebo. The hot spot there was like. There was. And we would. It was almost like a rotation. If you had a car, you would just hit.

[A]

Where you go.

[B]

You would. You'd hit them up because you'd find people at one of them, and then they would turn into a party there. So sit at the benches, and this girl pulls up with this other girl, Mary, in the Camaro. And I was like, let's go. And I got in the car, and I had. I lost my virginity to the same guy that Sneaky Pete did a week later.

[A]

Same guy?

[B]

Yeah, my best friend. And wait, so I'll just say the Girl's name? Linda.

[A]

No, no, no. I'll say her name.

[B]

So Sneaky Pete hooked up with Linda.

[A]

And you also did.

[B]

And I did a week later. And he said. And I said to him, I said, I lost my virginity last night. And he goes, who with? I go, just some girl from the next town. I didn't. I didn't have the heart to tell him who it was and nullified the bet. And then he believed you? Yeah. Sneaky Pete didn't ask a lot of questions.

[A]

He's sneaky.

[B]

He knew I. He knew I was honest, though. And so cut to last year. He was coming through LA and we were hanging out and then I. And then we were talking and I was like, yeah, like when we both lost our virginity to Linda. And he just looked at me like, what?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How did it hit? Did it. Did it affect him? Could you see it?

[B]

Sneaky Pete doesn't get hung up on things like that. He shook it off.

[A]

Did he?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How quickly?

[B]

I think he's gay. There was a rumor my mother talked to some adults and came back to me like she knew his family.

[A]

What recon is your mom doing out in the neighborhood that's getting into the. Under the gay hood there.

[B]

There's a lot of talk in entire town.

[A]

And she would. This is high school. She's letting you know. Or later and.

[B]

No, much later, after college.

[A]

I see.

[B]

She let me know.

[A]

She's just keeping.

[B]

While, like, me and Sneaky Pete were. We had a homoerotic kind of a friendship. Like.

[A]

Well, I don't know if you heard it. Maybe I heard it wrong. It might have been a Freudian slip. But you said I lost my virginity to the same guy. Sneaky Pete did. That's what you said. It's what I thought I heard. And I was like, what? And now you're telling me this. And I'm like, maybe I did hear it right.

[B]

It was. It was homoerotic. It wasn't homo sexual.

[A]

In what sense? What. What are you guys doing?

[B]

Well, boys have that energy, you know, we're just.

[A]

Yeah, everyone's doing dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We would be at a party and. Did you ever do the. Did you ever have the guy that would do the chicken heart joke?

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Where they pull their pants down, they grab the back of their balls and. And pull it all forward together. And like the balls and sit in the dick gets like this. And I've never seen a chicken heart, but I swear to God.

[B]

So the crown is below the balls?

[A]

No, it's like, it's hard to explain. So just do it.

[B]

Yeah, it's a video podcast.

[A]

Next time you stand up, grab the back of your balls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just push it all forward.

[B]

Push it forward.

[A]

And it's, like, coming.

[B]

It's hugging the dick. Yeah, right?

[A]

And these guys would walk around a party and they go, hey, Sickler. And then you look, you know. You know this dumb one, right? That joke where you look at it. They hit you. You know that? Yeah, yeah. This was chicken heart. They would do it all, and they go around doing it to all the guys and girls. Hey. Hey, Fitzsimmons. What's up? You ever see a chicken heart? You're like, no. And then they do that and you start laughing because you're like, it might be what a chicken heart looks like. I don't know. But I look just. That's the type of. I'm talking about. There were dicks and ass out all the time. All over.

[B]

I think ours is more like a John Hughes vibe. It was like, you know, we used to. We used to dress up and go to the Village. I grew up right outside the city, so we would go into Greenwich Village on the weekends. We go to dance.

[A]

Clarify. Dress up. What do you, like? Dance?

[B]

Or we'd wear, like, silk shirts and.

[A]

Any makeup.

[B]

Tapered pants. Makeup. We'd wear mascara on our eyes. You did? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, scarves. Any neck scarves?

[B]

No, no. It wasn't effeminate. It was more New wave. It was Adam and the Ants.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. I know. Adam and the Ants.

[B]

And so it was just very, like.

[A]

Prince is all that whole.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, androgynous.

[B]

I grew up loving David Bowie and Mick Jagger and Iggy Pop, and I just thought all that androgynous stuff was very cool, you know? And so I wasn't hung up on it. And so. And then, you know, we would go skinny dipping late at night in the town pool, just the two of us.

[A]

The town pool?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just the two of us. Why do you gotta get naked? Just to tell you.

[B]

We had our silk shirts on. Hilarious.

[A]

Silk shirt.

[B]

Our mascara's running as we get out.

[A]

That's hilarious. You guys are getting out looking like you both just gagged on each other's dicks. Like, what? No, we're swimming. We're swimming. You look like your power. Face each other. No, it's. Who else is in there with you? It's just the two of us going.

[B]

Off the high dive with our dicks flopping up and down.

[A]

Great. Yeah, that's Great. Yeah, back then. No cameras, no nothing back then. Yeah.

[B]

And. And then we went to Europe together.

[A]

Wait, hold on. Does your dad ever see you come in the house with mascara running down your face like that?

[B]

He saw me. I got any. We both got earrings when we were probably like 14. And then I hid it from my dad, and then I made a mistake and I turned my head one day and he saw it, and he goes, you got an earring.

[A]

Was it a hoop or a stud or like, what was it?

[B]

It was a stud. It was a green emerald stud. And he goes, you got an earring? I go, yeah. He goes, you still like girls? And I said, yeah. And he went, okay.

[A]

Isn't it fun? My dad's generation was the same way. If you got an earring, they definitely thought you were gay. Like, that was it. That's the outwardly sign that says this.

[B]

I think the mascara. Definitely.

[A]

I was gonna say that. That would be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You still like girls? Yeah. All right. All right. We're good here then.

[B]

So then we. We went to Europe together. We both. We didn't go to college after high school. We took. I ended up taking a year off. I didn't think I'd ever go to college, but I ended up going later and we went to Europe. We saved up our money. We worked as a parking. Parking attendance at a country club. And. And then I worked at TGI Fridays as a line cook at night.

[A]

You did? And then what was the one you. If they were like, greg, we got some VIPs out there right now.

[B]

Nine layer dip.

[A]

That's the one specialty.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Sour cream guacamole, nine layer dip. And you go fucking. Yeah.

[B]

Black olives.

[A]

What's something you never eat at TGI Fridays? Even today?

[B]

I wouldn't eat the meat. The steak is. The steak is. As Rodney said in Caddyshack, this thing still got marks where the jockey's hitting it. And they try to put Jack Daniels on it to kill the bad days.

[A]

Yeah. Jack Daniels Barbecues is picking it up and cover it up.

[B]

Trying to get you drunk so you don't notice how bad it is.

[A]

That's good to know. Good to know.

[B]

But then we went to. So we saved up our money. We went to Europe for like six months and just backpacked around. And there was a lot of like, you know, sharing beds at night. And, you know, there was a lot of that, but there was never any. There was never any homosexuality.

[A]

Never made out.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Drunk or nothing.

[B]

Did a three way with a girl once. It was A Devil's Three Way.

[A]

What's that? Two guys and a girl?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why is that the Devils?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I've never heard that before.

[B]

Or you call it the Kavanaugh Three Way. Also because that's what Brett Kavanaugh had in college. Remember that in the hearing? Yeah, it's the Kavanaugh 3.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But we didn't touch each other.

[A]

You didn't touch.

[B]

No, we didn't touch.

[A]

I feel like she watched and you guys just made out. Or.

[B]

Boys Don't Cry as plans.

[A]

Running all over the place. Goddamn boys. The pillows up, all in that place. All three of you.

[B]

The girl left. We didn't even notice.

[A]

She's like, I'm out of here, guys. Hilarious.

[B]

We're like, we locked the door on the way out. That's it. What's the gayest you ever got? Well, obviously the chicken.

[A]

Chicken heart.

[B]

Chicken heart.

[A]

You see those all the time.

[B]

You never had a male friendship that you felt. No, no.

[A]

I'm not looking down on you at all.

[B]

You did. But that facial expression.

[A]

I did make a face, but I wanted you to clarify that. No, that's just not my style. Like. Like, yeah, you're talking to me. Was all that face was. Not like, how dare you?

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I would say the gayest would be like. I mean, I shared a room. I had a twin brother. We're sharing a room. Growing up through puberty and everything else.

[B]

Well, that's incest. That's not homosexuality.

[A]

Yeah, but we're not touching, bro. So, you know, I mean, just. That's what I'm trying to say. Just seeing somebody change. Yeah, it's about it.

[B]

I never. Did you guys masturbate in front of each other? No, but how do you not master. How old were you when you were sharing a room?

[A]

I mean, from. This is funny you ask. Okay. So my brother was forward thinking, this motherfucker. So when my parents split, we had to move to this new place. He went ahead and. I didn't even know he did this. He asked my mom, can I have my own room?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She said yes. So now I'm rooming with my younger brother. And it's the summer of fifth. Between fifth and sixth grade, we're about to go into sixth grade. And that's when I discovered masturbation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm on the top bunk of these bunk beds with my younger brothers. About four years.

[B]

I love the word discover, by the way, because discoveries are pretty exciting. Like lightning, you know, Discovering electricity. Discovering masturbation. I would put up there with the level of.

[A]

I've never stopped.

[B]

I mean, what else do you discover?

[A]

I still enjoy it.

[B]

Yeah. I fucking.

[A]

I still look forward to it.

[B]

I love it. Yeah. You know, and there's so many. And it's. It's really. The. The range of experimentation that goes on is so slim over the years. Like, when I think about how I did it at 15 versus how I do it at 59, almost exactly the same.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. What am I getting on top of? What am I on all fours?

[A]

You don't get on all fours.

[B]

I've never used my left.

[A]

I don't hit all fours and hit from the bat. You don't do that.

[B]

The lawnmower.

[A]

That's yours now, bro. Pull, start. Pull, start. I'm doing that today. Right after this. No. So when I started, like, again, I say discovered because I was just. I always say cat pawing it. I was just touching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something happened.

[B]

I didn't know what masturbation was. Right.

[A]

No idea.

[B]

No idea.

[A]

But it becomes a problem because I'm doing this in those bunk beds. Shaking. Every night, my mom figures out what's going on, and we move to the next place. My brother and I are right back in the room together because now we're both going through puberty together, you know? But when I first started, I literally. I just would, like, touch it. I. Cat paw.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was.

[B]

I like how high up you went on that. You're in practically at your nipples. Yeah.

[A]

Just. I'm just hitting the tip of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's the summer between fifth and sixth grade. Seventh grade. That's how I'm masturbating up until seventh grade.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm in line in math class where we have to wait outside on the wall before they let us in. And I'm in the back of the line, and there's two guys up front, and to this day, they have no idea how they changed my life. I see them just talk. I can't hear. They're just talking. And one guy clearly tells a joke, and the other guy goes, oh. And I just said, oh, my. I saw the throwaw. This. And I was like, oh, my God. That's what I'm supp. No, I was like, that's what I'm.

[B]

Supposed to be doing, Right?

[A]

Let me tell you, bro, my dick was hard from math class till I got home. And then when I hit that, I was like, yeah, of course.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I didn't use lubrication until my 30s. I never used lubrication ever. Nope.

[A]

I never tried lube either because I always liked the. The. I like the skin on skin. You know what I'm saying? But I'll tell you this. And if there's any younger viewers out there watching this, don't use soap. Don't use soap. I did it in the shower with soap one time. It literally ripped my dick skin off. And then, you know when you're 9-9-10, all you do is get erections.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So my dick has just got like all these wounds on it and it's clean, but then it gets hard and the scab. I'm like, oh, soap one and done, bro. Never use so conditioner.

[B]

It ripped it up. Yeah. And then your pubic hair has got a nice sheen to it.

[A]

Yeah, it does. It looks good down there.

[B]

I used to jerk off in the back row of the school bus on the way home.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, I couldn't make it home.

[A]

What are you talking about right now?

[B]

Well, my high school was 20 minutes away.

[A]

How many people are on the bus?

[B]

It was about half full. And it was all Catholic schoolgirls except for me.

[A]

Do they know you're doing this?

[B]

No, you're not. I think the bus driver did. I'd see. He had that giant.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

And I saw him kind of peering back.

[A]

And you're just back there feverishly getting at it. How are you hiding that?

[B]

Because, you know, the seats are so high.

[A]

Are you like ducking down?

[B]

I'm slumped.

[A]

You're slumped and just. Yep. And what are you looking at when you're doing it?

[B]

The girl the size in the aisle.

[A]

And where are you busting?

[B]

Sunshine? The sunshine just highlighting the blonde hair on Gabriel Verri's thigh.

[A]

Where are you busting?

[B]

Well, I bring napkins from lunch.

[A]

Get the fuck out of here. What grade is this?

[B]

9Th through 12.

[A]

This is so pre medit. 9th through 12. My high school career.

[B]

And then. And then the seats were vinyl, but there was a tear in the back of the seat in front of me. So I would take the napkins and I would stick them into the hole so that that seat, if anybody got an accident and they were in the back row, they were safe. There was a lot of cushion.

[A]

They're like, we got this kid's DNA everywhere here for some reason. But everybody's safe. You would jerk off on the school bus?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, listen, you're also the guy that is the reason I don't go to not. You're not the guy. But what happened to you at the Strip? The massage parlor where it got raided?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Is the reason I don't ever go to. I'm always scared that's gonna happen. I'm always scared that's gonna happen. And it happened to you.

[B]

If I had been caught, I would imagine I would have to knock on doors for the rest of my life. Right. I mean, I'm filled with. I'm in a bus filled with 16 year olds.

[A]

You're underage, though. You're underage, but I don't know. Yeah. If you got caught, you probably would have had to. You'd be the perp in the neighborhood.

[B]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. And an inspiration for a lot of the men.

[A]

I mean, maybe not the guy that's got to clean that, though. Bus driver never said anything to you?

[B]

Never said a word.

[A]

Kenny, you never started driving like you're 16. You don't start driving yourself to school.

[B]

When I was 16, yeah. So I guess it was the first two years of school, but then my car would always break down. I'd have to get on the bus again.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Height of 76.

[A]

Sure, sure. It was. Things running just fine out back.

[B]

I would drive. I would drive the car to the bus stop.

[A]

I don't know what happened. Just died right here. Yeah.

[B]

I ended up dating one of the girls.

[A]

The Catholic school girl.

[B]

Yeah. And she was. She was really. She was really cute. And she was the one girl that would talk to me on the bus because, you know, I'm six, I got acne, I was skinny. Like, I didn't have a lot of self confidence, and so I.

[A]

But you had more than. Than you think. You're back there with your dick out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To. To. To completion. That's confidence.

[B]

Is that confidence?

[A]

That's a lot of self confidence.

[B]

Yeah, I guess so.

[A]

Maybe you're dick proud, too, you know, I don't know. Some of those guys are dick proud.

[B]

I am.

[A]

See it?

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, there's other questions I wanted to ask you. Why is it that we end up telling my stories when you come on my show? I was like, here's a guy who hosts a podcast.

[A]

I've never heard these.

[B]

Where you ask people questions and you get stories out of people. And I go, he's coming on my podcast. I get to ask him stories.

[A]

I'll shut up.

[B]

Well, how'd you lose your virginity?

[A]

I was, As I said, 15. I was dating a cheerleader at the school.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

She was 16. She was super sweet. And we both, you know, we talked about it and everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Then it was. It was like a Valentine's dinner night. And we were in her dad's Chevy Trailblazer. Remember those?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like an early suv. And we were parked at this soccer field, like, way. It was a gravel parking lot. It was big. We went way back in where it was dark and no one could see us, you know, three, three, four minutes later, we were right back on the road and had it throughout.

[B]

That was it.

[A]

We were both. We were both complete virgins. Nothing. What we were doing. Nothing. It was terrible.

[B]

Condominium.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

She was 16, you were 15. Mm.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Did you date after that?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

How many times you make love to her?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

I mean, did it last like a year after that?

[A]

Yeah, I think it was about a year. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Few times.

[B]

Do you ever go back? Here's a. Here's a big philosophical question. Do you ever go back and fantasize about the girls from when you were in high school?

[A]

No.

[B]

Is it wrong to. Because they are underage. But are you grandfathered in?

[A]

Are you grandfathered in is a gross way to ask about that. Actually. I think if you're just fantasizing about girls that you knew in high school personally, then I guess that would be.

[B]

They're clear. They're clear. As long as you knew them, right?

[A]

Came up with them.

[B]

You can't introduce new 16 year olds into the carousel.

[A]

No.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Ever. Yeah. Girls or boys, Whatever you're.

[B]

Hey, is that. Is that what this is going to turn into now? I'm just clarifying if you knew Sneaky Pete.

[A]

I'm just it. I think you knew him really well. Sneaky Pete. Who's the other guy on the back of the car? Mustang. Whatever. What was his name? The guy getting laid on the back?

[B]

Johnny Trouble.

[A]

Trouble? Yeah, Johnny Trouble. Was he homoerotic in any way?

[B]

He had a Kavanaugh three way with another girl. And Sneaky Pete not making that up. And the other girl was best friends with Linda.

[A]

I think your mom might be right about Sneaky Pete.

[B]

It is weird to be in like, I don't know algebra that well, but one third times one third. If you're in a three way with two guys equals two thirds.

[A]

What was the question?

[B]

You ever get arrested?

[A]

No.

[B]

You never got arrested?

[A]

Isn't that crazy? Listen, the police have been to my house plenty of times. We were. We were always had. Underage drinking, like I've told you. We were the kids in your high school that didn't have parents. So they came often.

[B]

Yeah. Like me in the back of that bus.

[A]

I've been handcuffed.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But that was just to scare me. And if we didn't get all these kids out of here and blah, blah, blah, they. They also, when they come by enough, they also know what's going on. Okay. We have three children living in this apartment by themselves. So they kind of, odds are, kind of give you a little bit of leeway.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But yeah. No. So never arrested.

[B]

Who's your best Asian friend?

[A]

Let's see. My best Asian friend. Well, my buddy Zoomy back in. I knew him from Baltimore. He's a. He's a great dude. And he. His sister ended up being Biz Marquis, like, business manager. So Zumi got us hooked up one year, and we all went to the Playboy Mansion under Biz Marquis bill. And then the after party at the Sky Mondrian Sky Bar. And it was when Jamie Foxx was hosting the ESPYs.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And Biz had been hired to DJ the after party and, like, the big party at the Playboy Mansion.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's a good night.

[A]

And we known him, and he's like. You know, my sisters were like, what? How the are we just finding this out? You know? And so then he came out. We went. We had two nights. We went to the Mansion party one night with all the athletes and everything. And then we didn't go to the ESPYs. We went to the after party at the Mondrian.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So I'd say that's my best Asian friend. What's up, Zoomy?

[B]

Zoomy. That should be your son's nickname when he's racing cars.

[A]

Well, you gotta get. You gotta be on the track to do that, Greg. You gotta be on the track to do that.

[B]

More like Fixie. Have you ever won any awards?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Just say it like that as he goes into a sip.

[A]

A winner.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'm a winner, bro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We were good at sports, so. I've so many trophies of. I did a. Actually did a photo shoot with my trophies, and I threw them all away. I donated them to the Goodwill. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna make somebody throw those away when I'm dead. My high school trophies. But I lettered in varsity. I had trophies from every sport. I was always an all star. I was good. Good at what I did. I was all JUCO in college. Soccer. All junior college. That's what JUCO stands for.

[B]

What school was that?

[A]

Catonsville Community College.

[B]

Oh, great soccer program.

[A]

Great program.

[B]

Go Blue Demons.

[A]

Cardinals. Cardinals not bad. The Red Cardinals. And. And I played on a. I was really good at soccer. I played on a under 17 development team for the US oh. My brother and I both tried out for it. We made it, and I spent a month in Europe playing over there, or like, a developmental called Teams usa.

[B]

Wow. That's amazing.

[A]

I was good, bro.

[B]

And did you continue playing sports after college?

[A]

No.

[B]

That was it. Hung up the cleats.

[A]

That was it, bro. After junior college, it was all biz. It's over.

[B]

Biz Markey.

[A]

Biz Markey. Well done.

[B]

Damn. All right. What would you teach if you had no choice but to teach something?

[A]

Podcasting. Yeah, I already did, actually. I. So a couple years ago, I worked with a nonprofit where I sort of set up a podcasting 101. And these were, like, troubled teens and stuff in Santa Monica area, working with the Santa Monica Police Department. So I set up a program for them, and they came in and they ended up interviewing the mayor of Santa Monica and all this stuff. And it went well enough that I then taught Culver City High school kids this course as well. And they would have seniors come, and they allowed them to come to my class, and they would come to the Culver City Music Store, and I'd teach them like a. Just a podcasting 101 about what this is and how it works. And I honestly think it's taking the place of journalism.

[B]

What advice do you give young podcasters in terms of the interview itself.

[A]

And the actual interview itself?

[B]

Are you just a natural because you draw people out? I didn't know if you had, like, techniques that you use.

[A]

I mean, the number one technique is just to be a good listener, you know? But. But as you're saying, and I'm guilty of this, too, like, when we're starting to fall asleep, the 40 things you're thinking about, you gotta shut that off when somebody's talking to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to. All this going on are the lights. Right. Is the camera. You gotta shut that shit off.

[B]

So I got the best crew.

[A]

That's why you need. You need this.

[B]

They got my back. Except when it comes to research things, it takes about a minute and a half.

[A]

That's okay. You'll edit it and make it look instant.

[B]

You can hear the encyclopedias coming off.

[A]

The shelf, thumbing through. Thumbing through the pages.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah. I would say be a good listener. It also helps you ask questions. Good questions, you know?

[B]

Yeah, right. Who's the worst opener you ever had on the road?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's been few of them. I don't know. There's no one I've ever asked not to come back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever fired someone?

[B]

No, I've never fired anybody, but I have said to them, could you do less crowd work? Like, if somebody comes out and they do 20 minutes of crowd work, I go, dude, you're killing me. You're killing me. Because now. Now I got to stand in the back of the room and watch your set every night so that I'm not. Now I can't do crowd work. Not that I'm. I don't rely on it, but I do. In an hour set, I might do 10 minutes of crowd work. Now, I can't do that because I don't know who you already talked to. Your job as the feature act is to kill with 20 minutes of material. If you need to talk to somebody to. You know, they're talking, you want to deal with it, great. Otherwise, you should be showing the club owner that you can destroy for 20.

[A]

Minutes with material while people are still filing in.

[B]

Right.

[A]

While there are disturbances, while they're still ordering drinks, while there's chatter going on.

[B]

You're making them a crowd.

[A]

You fucking set the table.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know his name. It was in Canada. It was Edmonton, I believe. And you know what up in Canada, how they have, like, the. It's a weird thing. It's like the host or it goes to. It's like a weird feature host, and they bring him back up again. You know, I'm talking about. It's only done. I've never seen anywhere else. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing? We're going host. And then I. I can't even explain how they do it, but the host will go back up and do. So the host is really the feature.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Host starts, brings up this feature for 10, coming back again and doing 15. You're like, what the Are we doing?

[B]

Throwing off all the momentum, dude.

[A]

This guy is hammering them with just. I'm gonna say just retard. Retard. That's the same over. And they're eating it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is obviously his short bus closer. And I'm like, bro, are you really gonna hammer the retard stuff the whole fucking weekend?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, put that up top.

[B]

Did you say that to him?

[A]

I go, you're going out twice? Yeah, put it up top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think that's your strongest? You want to be a better writer? Start with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And see what happens.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he did.

[B]

Yeah. That's good. Well, I think it's part of your job as a headliner is to try to help the openers grow. And that. And sometimes that means saying something.

[A]

I'm fire someone. Or unless they're belligerent or whatever.

[B]

Of course, no, if they're. If they're doing something backstage, it's a problem. But on stage, like, you're there to help groom them and make. Well, not groom them, but depending how.

[A]

Young they are coming out here. Yeah, But I actually was promoted once. You ever been promoted? That was Damon Wayans. Thank you, Damon Wayans.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

I was. This is years ago. I was opening and the feature was. I'm not going to say. And then Damon was headlining, and the feature was so low energy that Damon didn't tell me. He went to the club and said, hey, Ryan's doing a great job opening. Bring another Oprah in and bump him to feature.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I got promoted to feature for the rest of the weekend because the feature was super low energy. Damon was like, I feel like I'm coming out to zero. Let Ryan's energy.

[B]

Can we talk about how underrated Damon Waynes is as a standup comic? He is like, I worked with him when I was coming up, and he came in on a Thursday with just some ideas, and he's bouncing a basketball and he was getting ready. What's that basketball movie he did? I forget. There was some basketball movie he did. Was it Celtic Pride or something?

[A]

Seeing that.

[B]

Anyway, so he's practicing dribbling. No notes, no nothing. And he walks on stage Thursday night, and he does all new ideas, just riffs.

[A]

Just does.

[B]

Okay. Not great. Next night he comes in. There's two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, and I see the material morph. The next show, it's good. Late show Friday, he's doing very well with it. And by Saturday, he's destroying with 45 new minutes of material. I've never seen anybody do that before.

[A]

They're so talent, all of them. They're all so talented.

[B]

Black people.

[A]

Yep. The Weighins.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

All the Wayans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. He's fucking great. And also, like, that's a guy that goes from SNL to Living Color. You know this. These guys. It's so funny to me because I grew up on Living Color. And it's like, handyman would never even.

[B]

Be allowed to be done today. Right?

[A]

It wouldn't even be.

[B]

It wasn't that long ago you couldn't gaze on film.

[A]

Forget it. Forget it. People would say, nope, can't do that, can't do that. And I think we need to get back to more of that. People seem to be having more fun when we were all laughing at each other. And now it's like, nope, nope, nope. A lot of nopes out there, right? And I'm just like, can we all just make fun of each other?

[B]

And the thing is, is like, if it's hacky, it's hacky. It doesn't matter. Like, I see guys go and they're doing what they think is esoteric comedy, but they're making the same observations that comics made 30 years ago. There's nothing new about it. Meanwhile, I could see somebody taking on trans in a way that's interesting and funny. You know, it's not the topics that are the problem, it's the execution.

[A]

Well, it's the execution. It's also, you have to have a willing audience. That audience has to be willing to accept this open minded. We're going to hear what you have to say. And I feel like there's a lot of audiences today, regardless of what the topic is, that are just like, can't talk about that. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Not Jesus. Can't talk about Jesus. You know what I mean, Israel. Blah, blah, blah. I'm so, I. I'm so sick of all this nonsense and comedy. Like, it's working. They've turned everybody against each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's so fucking dumb. From the Riyadh to the Charlie Kirk stuff to the Jimmy Kimmel to the first. I'm the Austin, Louisiana. I'm so sick of it.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

Great. I started listening to AM morning radio, Baltimore sports, local radio.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't listen to podcasts anymore. Comedy. Nothing.

[B]

Right?

[A]

It's stupid. Yeah, it's so.

[B]

It's a lot of drama.

[A]

It's. It's unnecessary drama.

[B]

It's like the rappers in the 90s.

[A]

I was gonna say we're comics and podcasters. These guys are talking like the hip hop battle. Yeah, those dudes killed each other. Okay? They all trashed each other in their lyrics. You're not the same.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Everybody shut the. I'm tired of it. And also, it is necessary if you think Austin is the, the heel or the, the evil empire or the Darth Vader. It's necessary. People don't get that. It can't all just be this way. Both sides are necessary. You can't just all be over here. Austin's as necessary as LA is, as people always forget about Chicago. That's a hell of a cop comedy town. So much town out of there, but New York, all of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's necessary. That had to happen. Should have happened. Should continue to happen, and should continue to grow. Why shouldn't it?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why shouldn't it?

[B]

Speaking of comedy growing, your new special is out. It's on YouTube and it's free. I mean, that's the thing, is it shouldn't be free. It's called Live and Alive. And where did you tape it?

[A]

Madison. Comedy on stage.

[B]

Oh, that's where.

[A]

Give them the love Greatest.

[B]

Didn't Rachel Wolf. What's her name?

[A]

Wolfson.

[B]

No, Wolf. Michelle Wolf. She did a special there recently also.

[A]

She did? Yeah.

[B]

People talk about comics, talk about three or four clubs as being the best ones in the country. That's one of them.

[A]

Oh, Comedy on State is absolutely one of the best clubs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And how many shows did you tape?

[A]

Two. Did a two Saturday night. And I've talked about. I was very, like, so stoked for all the people that came out because that same night, Tom Papa's next door at the big theater. And then Monday through Thursday, it goes. It's like Sam Morrill, Trevor Wallace and Stavros. And I was like, that's in five days. Like, I'm not selling any tickets. And I sold out both shows. Great Saturday night crowds. And, yeah, it turned out awesome. That club is. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love Comedy on State. Thank you. Comedy on State, you know, you've been there. It's phenomenal.

[B]

It's great. And it's good to be in a club to do a special because, you know, I mean, theaters are. That's what they want it shot in. They want a big jib shot and they want seven cameras and. And all that. It's like. Yeah, but I'm not used to playing theaters. I'm used to playing clubs. I'm used to 250 people packed in connectivity, intimacy, low ceiling. Low ceilings.

[A]

That's what you bounce and you really captured that energy.

[B]

Yeah. Feels really intimate. Feels good. And as a storyteller, I think you especially want that.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. Not that echoey.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, also, they've always wanted. They being the industry, always want to do it the. The wrong way.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We've all been doing it this way. And they're like, now let's shoot it in this big grand ballroom with all the. A crane and say, why?

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's not what comedy is at all.

[B]

No, it's not. It's like they just want their channel to look like Big and expensive. And it's like. Well, it doesn't serve. It's like they all say they want to serve comedians. You know, all these channels are like, well, you know, comedians are the essence of what we are, and we respect their art. No, you don't.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

No. It's all commerce.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

Yeah. So I saw you got a lot of views. You got like, a hundred thousand in the first two days. Did you do a lot of big podcasts to promote it?

[A]

Yeah, man, I'm on this one. I'm done. Gosh, A lot. Ymh. Stavi, are you Garbage, Santino, Harland, Soder.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Kfc, Barstool History, Hyenas, Burton, Leanne. Probably missing one, but I've done a bunch already. And still. I'm still going out there promoting it.

[B]

Yeah, good.

[A]

It's just. It's still only a couple weeks. It's not even two weeks old yet.

[B]

Yeah, it's really funny.

[A]

That's the other thing, too. I'm gonna. I'm gonna quote Tyler, the creator. Like, I watched him say, like, what do you mean? You're only pushing your shit for a year. He's like, I have albums. I'm still pushing it. Or a couple years old. And I was like, yeah, why. Why do we put a cap on? Like, it's a forever thing.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

So I'm gonna be promoting it forever.

[B]

Yeah. Good. Ryan Sickler, you're one of the comedy greats. You're one of the podcast greats. You're a good man.

[A]

Thank you, dude.

[B]

And I love having you on the podcast.

[A]

That means a lot coming from you. All right, starting to feel a little homoerotic over here right now. Greg, can we go. Can we go shower together without chicken hearts? I'll chicken heart you, bro. Thank you very much.

[B]

Should we get on a bus? You want to get on a bus with me?

[A]

I'll get on with you, bro. Sam.