Fitzdog Radio: SOLO, Episode 1112 – Greg Fitzsimmons

Release Date: October 2, 2025
Host: Greg Fitzsimmons

EPISODE OVERVIEW

In this solo episode, Greg Fitzsimmons goes guest-free and delivers a candid, funny, and deeply personal monologue. He explores recent stand-up gigs, memories from his college days, the realities of comedy as a career, the agony of health insurance, musings about current affairs, and upcoming shows. The episode swings from comedic observations to heartfelt stories, laced with Greg’s signature honesty and self-deprecating humor.

1. Life in LA & The Solo Format

• [01:23] Greg addresses the audience solo, pondering if guest-based shows are necessary:
  “Do I need them? Do I need guests? You tell me.”
• He relishes the Californian lifestyle, balancing self-mockery and praise:
  “You can shit on California all you want. It's good living… The people are not bright. You feel smarter than most people… Among a very low bar.”
• Acknowledges feeling “smarter but dumber” in LA, embracing it regardless.

2. Connecticut Gigs & Comedy Business Realities

• [03:00] Describes performing at Mohegan Sun Casino while Adam Sandler, Nick Swartzen, David Spade, and Rob Schneider headline a competing 15,000-seat show:
  • “I'm trying to get 300 people in my little fucking club… It humbles you a little.”
• Reflects on Nick Swartzen’s rise from opening for Greg to playing arenas:
  • “It just makes you think about the way this business plays out. And Nick is an extremely funny guy…he deserves everything he's got…But it just seems disproportionate.”
• Shares coffee and political gossip with Swartzen, who remains “one of my favorite people in the world…so smart, funny.”

3. Travel Stories & Observations

• [09:15] Greg recounts driving through autumn foliage but being more engaged by a viral video:
  • “I looked up…and went, oh look, they're kind of orange and a little bit red. And then I was like…and there's a video of a Russian couple having a fist fight in a pigsty. And that won.”
• Wry take on nature-appreciation:
  • “You're looking at dying leaves…It's almost kind of like, why don't we do that with humans? Like in the casino…Look at the hair. It's gray now...It's all falling out…Because they're dead. They're dying.”

4. Comedy & Crowd Connection

• [14:00] On-stage anecdote about unintentionally referencing a woman’s deceased father:
  • “I stupidly, not checking my thoughts in any way, blurt out, did somebody die? To which she said, yeah, my father. And that was awkward.”
• Got emotional, made it a point to “crush as hard as I can tonight” for the grieving family:
  • “I'm not Ellen…You do it for the money…because you're a narcissist…But that night, that's why I did it.”
• Felt “grateful that I had the talent and experience to not fold in that situation.”

5. Reunion & Friendship Memories

• [19:20] Friends and an old (maybe?) girlfriend came to his show. Laughs about possible lost virginity:
  • “She gave me her virginity. She offered it up—but then I thought, I said that on stage and she said that I didn’t. Which made me think…maybe we never had intercourse. I honestly don’t remember.”
  • Happy to see she looked great: “Because what’s worse than seeing an ex and they’re fucking gray and wrinkling…But she looked great.”
• Picked up a big dinner check, initially thinking the antipasti was complimentary until he saw the bill:
  • “None of that was gratis. They just brought it to the table unsolicited and then charged me…platters were like $40 each.”

6. College Tales: Pranks, Friendships, and Close Calls

• [23:00] Freshman year at BU (“one of the best years of my life, top five”) with a cast of characters:
  • “Eric, the Hick”—a sheep farmer from Ohio sleeping without sheets, only a wool blanket.
    • Shared drunken urination misadventures that nearly got Eric expelled, but Eric refused to snitch.
    • Paid him back by taking him to the World Series (“My thank you to the Hick for not giving me up.”)
  • “The Turk”—a self-styled tough guy with a Colt-45-shaped hairdryer.
  • Reuniting with childhood friend Chris Brown(man) and bonding over crank and booze, ending with an FBI bust for fake IDs.
• [29:50] First experiences with Jewish women and their openness, humorously recalling:
  • “BU had a lot of Jewish girls…and let me tell you something, I married one. They are the best. They are very open sexually…They would walk around naked.”
• [31:20] Attempting to play hero during a sexual assault incident; almost got expelled for holding off a suspect with a broken bottle:
  • “I held these two fucking jocks up while the security guard called the police…Three days later…the guy then pressed charges on me for assault with a deadly weapon.”

7. On Gambling & Life as a Bet

• [35:05] Resisting the temptation to gamble at a casino gig:
  • “It felt good to pick up the check…What a great feeling. To not have a bad feeling.”
  • “I gamble enough. My career is a fucking gamble…Do you know what the odds are of making a living for 35 years in stand up comedy?”
• Joking about casino games and life insurance:
  • “If they invented [craps] today, they'd have to call it motherfucker…Hey, man, you want to play some motherfucker?”

8. Healthcare Frustration

• [37:20] Rants about an outrageous $4,000 co-pay after his daughter’s emergency appendectomy—even while paying $40,000 a year:
  • “I pay $40,000 a year for health coverage for my family…And it sucks.”
  • “Why should I pay the whole bill when you don’t pay the whole fucking bill?”
  • “There should be universal health coverage. We’re the only advanced nation in the world that does not have health coverage for people.”
• Critique on how “they just keep raising rates and nobody does…All this chaos that’s happening…we’re being distracted from big picture shit.”

9. The Comedy Class Divide

• [39:30] Humorous theory about flying coach:
  • “You can't sit in coach and talk to the person next to you and brag about your job. You can't say how well you're doing. You're in coach.”
  • “You look at each other like you’re at a bus stop...Here’s us, here’s where we are: we're waiting for the bus.”

10. New Bits, Conjoined Twins & Upcoming Gigs

• [42:00] Tosses out an idea for new material inspired by “Sunday Papers” podcast:
  • On conjoined twins, sex, and divided anatomy:
    “They split the vagina in half…and the married twin gets the first five inches of the vagina…”
• Expresses need for new material before upcoming Alaska tour: “I need some new material. Bad.”

11. Alaska Adventures & Wild Encounters

• [43:10] Shares a hair-raising story of almost not surviving a drunken pilot’s plane ride to Bear Island:
  • “His plane is fucking old…He keeps doing it…I'm out…So I said, fuck it. I got in this plane, and we took off…But I do remember he took us over the ocean, and he took us to Bear Island, and we saw a shitload of bears.”
• Another Alaskan story at a coffee shop, where a barista burns herself and the cashier quips:
  • “That’ll be an extra six bucks…Straight face. Fucking nailed it.”

12. America’s Political Divide, Civil War & A Comic Solution

• [47:12] Jokes about the country’s polarization and muses on absurd solutions:
  • “We should just have Civil War reenactors fight it out…And whoever wins, the other side has to…undo their sex change…or get vaccinated…That’s the Civil War.”
  • Wonders if there’s a bit in that: “Is there something here? I feel like there’s a bit in there somewhere.”

13. Upcoming Shows and Benefits

• [49:00] Promotes the Pico Union Project benefit show (Oct. 8th), featuring Bill Burr, Laura Kightlinger, Dana Gould, Wendy Liebman, and more—to support housing and feeding the homeless.
• Lists additional upcoming stand-up dates in Alaska, Las Vegas (Brad Garrett’s), LA, Chicago, Lafayette, Phoenix, SF, and New Jersey.
  • “Go to fitzdog.com get some tickets, come out and say hi.”

NOTABLE QUOTES & MOMENTS

• On comedy motivation:
  “I don’t do stand up to make people feel good…You do it because you’re a narcissist…But that night, that’s why I did it.” [17:52]
• On career perspective:
  “I gamble enough. My career is a fucking gamble…Do you know the odds of making a living for 35 years in stand up comedy?” [36:30]
• On America’s divide:
  “We're being distracted from big picture Shit like the pharmaceutical industries and the health insurance companies fucking us over…” [38:00]
• On college adventures:
  “Who else had sex the third night of school on the 50 yard line…with a woman. A woman? She was a woman.” [28:40]
• On dinner checks:
  “They just brought it to the table unsolicited and then charged me…platters were like $40 each.” [22:40]
• On gratitude:
  “I felt like grateful that I had the talent and experience to be able to not fold in that situation in that moment.” [18:50]

Timestamps of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------| | 01:23 | Greg introduces the solo episode | | 03:00 | Mohegan Sun gig vs. Sandler/Spade arena show | | 13:30 | Driving New England, foliage vs. viral videos | | 14:00 | Comedy crowd interaction, awkward death moment | | 19:20 | Friends and old college flame visit | | 23:00 | College dorm stories (“The Hick”, World Series) | | 29:50 | Jewish women, sexual openness at BU | | 31:20 | Sexual assault incident, almost expelled | | 35:05 | Gambling abstinence and betting on life | | 37:20 | Health insurance rant, universal coverage | | 39:30 | Coach flying, social cues | | 42:00 | Conjoined twins joke premise | | 43:10 | Alaska story: Bear Island flight | | 44:40 | Alaska coffee shop, barista burns herself | | 47:12 | Civil War, divided America satirical bit | | 49:00 | Upcoming benefit shows and gigs |

CONCLUSION

This episode captures Greg Fitzsimmons at his most open, weaving humor, vulnerability, and sharp social commentary. It’s a highly personal, punchline-packed ride through the mind of a working comic, touching on everything from the trials of health insurance to wild college memories and the joy (and humiliation) of live performance. Listeners get both laughs and insight into the life and mind of a true comedy veteran.