5. Kash Patel Hacked by Iran

The FBI director got hacked by the enemy he’s supposed to be fighting. An Iran-linked hacking group called Handala breached Kash Patel’s personal Gmail account and published photos, emails, and personal documents online dating from 2010 to 2022 — and the DOJ confirmed the material is authentic. Among the leaked files: photos of Patel in Cuba smoking cigars next to cars with Cuban plates, his personal resume, and years of correspondence. The FBI is now offering a $10 million reward for information on the hackers, which as Zev noted means the best the bureau can do about its own director getting compromised is offer a bounty. Dean had his own take: “He’s an honorary screeched-in citizen of Newfoundland — we need to remove that designation right now.” Meanwhile, the White House’s own social media accounts posted two unexplained videos to X and Instagram Wednesday night — one showing someone’s feet with a woman’s voice asking “It’s launching soon, right?” — deleted 90 minutes later with millions of views and zero explanation.

4. Johnson Kills DHS Bill

The Senate passed a bipartisan bill to fund DHS at 2:20 this morning — everything except ICE — a compromise to end the six-week shutdown that has 510 TSA officers quitting and airports in chaos. Speaker Mike Johnson killed it hours later, calling it a “crap sandwich” and announcing his own eight-week stopgap that funds all of DHS including ICE. Dean’s assessment was more blunt: “It’s not a crap sandwich, it’s a s**t sandwich.” Johnson’s version goes back to a Senate that just left for a two-week recess, with Schumer already calling it dead on arrival. The NTSB chair is still driving five hours to crash sites because she can’t fly through her own country’s airports. Nobody is governing — they’re just positioning.

3. Fulton County Sues Over Ballot Seizure

A federal court hearing happened today in Georgia that may be the most important legal proceeding you haven’t heard about. Fulton County is suing to get back more than 650 boxes of 2020 election ballots that the FBI seized in a January 28th raid — ordered by Kurt Olsen, the Trump lawyer who was part of the original scheme to overturn the 2020 election and is now the White House’s director of election security. As Zev put it: “A man who tried to steal an election is now in charge of investigating elections, and his first act was to send the FBI to seize the ballots from the county that helped flip Georgia for Biden.” Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard was physically present at the seizure despite having zero authority over domestic elections. Dean connected the dots: “These are the same f*****g people and they’re running it back.”

2. Tomahawks Running Out

The United States has fired more than 850 Tomahawk cruise missiles in four weeks of war with Iran, and Pentagon officials describe remaining stockpiles as “alarmingly low” — some using the word “Winchester,” military slang for out of ammunition. The math is devastating: the U.S. produces between 90 and 100 Tomahawks per year, each costing $3.6 million and taking two years to build. In four weeks, this administration burned through a decade of production. Dean laid out the profiteering angle — the Trump family has secured $1.5 billion in defense contracts through 32 companies since the war began. “He’s basically burning through our ammunition on purpose,” Dean said. Raytheon says it will take a minimum of five years to replenish what’s been fired.

1. 10,000 More Troops to the Middle East

The Pentagon is drawing up plans to send 10,000 additional ground troops to the Middle East — infantry, armor, the 82nd Airborne — joining 5,000 Marines already en route. Their staging area: within striking distance of Kharg Island, the small strip of land that handles 90 percent of Iran’s oil exports. Trump extended his pause on strikes against Iranian energy infrastructure to April 6th, claiming talks are going well while Iran says no talks are happening. “You don’t move 10,000 ground troops into theater to negotiate,” Zev said. “You move them to invade.” Meanwhile the Strait of Hormuz is effectively shut, and Russia earned $7 billion in the first two weeks of March selling oil that used to flow through it. April 6 isn’t a peace deadline — it’s a deployment window. And tomorrow, millions of Americans will be in the streets for the third No Kings rally, with more than 3,000 events planned in all 50 states.

The FBI director is compromised, the government is shut down, the ballots are seized, the missiles are spent, and the troops are moving. Tomorrow, America answers.

Thank you Amy Gabrielle, Pamela, Leah Anderson, Lalisa, Skutt Hope, and many others for tuning into my live video with Dean Blundell! Join me for my next live video in the app.

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