Podcast Summary: Fixable (TED)

Episode: How to Get Your Confidence Back (Re-release)
Date: September 22, 2025
Hosts: Anne Morriss (A), Frances Frei (B)
Guest Caller: “Emma” (C)

Episode Overview

This re-released episode of Fixable centers on workplace confidence, specifically how professionals can regain and sustain it after negative feedback or challenging experiences. Hosts Anne Morriss and Frances Frei, both renowned leadership coaches (and married), coach listener "Emma," a young product manager, through her struggle with balancing assertiveness, authenticity, and empathy—offering actionable, relatable advice for anyone seeking to find their leadership voice amidst organizational expectations and personal history.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Emma’s Story: The Confidence Conundrum

• Background: Emma, 28, is a product manager at a tech company in Australia. She’s naturally confident and assertive but has been consistently told to “tone it down,” leading to internal conflict and self-doubt.
  [02:14]
• Adjustment: To fit in, Emma shifted her behavior dramatically—softening her communication, “adding emojis to Slack messages,” and avoiding direct eye contact to not seem harsh.
  [05:52]
• Recent Challenge: Tasked with leading a new business segment, she reverted to an overly deferential style in a presentation to senior leaders, received tough feedback (“I dropped the ball”), and lost some confidence.
  [06:51]

2. Naming the Baggage—Letting Go of Old Narratives

• Reframing Past Experiences: Anne and Frances advise Emma to imagine putting her “baggage” (specifically, the story she’s “too much”) down, suggesting the past need not control her present or future leadership identity.
  Notable Quote:

  “What I hear your boss saying is we're not getting enough of you. Not only are you not too much, but I want more.” – Anne, [12:05]

• Playful Metaphor: Emma names her baggage “Steve,” making the emotional concept concrete and manageable.
  [12:33]

3. The Trust Triangle

• Framework Introduction: Frances outlines their “trust triangle”—three pillars required to inspire trust and effective leadership:
  1. Authenticity: Being the real you; alignment between thoughts, words, and actions.
  2. Logic: Showcasing sound reasoning, transparent decision-making.
  3. Empathy: Demonstrating genuine care for others’ interests.
     [16:32]
• Diagnosing the Wobble: Emma recognizes her “authenticity wobble”—an overcorrection toward empathy that undermined her credibility.
  [19:08]
• Strategy: The key is not toggling between extremes, but activating all three elements simultaneously—“they don’t trade off; you need all three.”

4. Redefining Confidence

• Confidence as Byproduct: Anne reframes confidence as something that trails action and mastery, not a prerequisite:
  Notable Quote:

  “Confidence is often a byproduct from being trusted in a leadership role.” – Anne, [15:59]
  “Confidence is a byproduct. You have confidence on the way out, not the way in.” – Frances, [40:36]

• Preparation and Practice: Deep preparation and real “reps,” including presenting to different audiences and practicing vulnerability, are essential.
  [24:21], [27:39]

5. Tactics for Building Comfort With Discomfort

• Deliberate Practice: Frances and Anne share practical (often playful) ways to build comfort with discomfort:
  • Improv Classes: “Safest laboratory on the planet,” fostering radical empathy and presence.
    [30:18]
  • Giving Talks/Teaching: Testing material in unfamiliar settings, like comedians refining a set—emphasizes value and impact over perfection.
    [31:54], [34:40]
  • Meeting Micro-practices: Small internal goals—e.g., speaking up earlier, asking questions before making statements.
    [35:06], [45:01]
• Normalize Physiological Reactions: “The remedy is to not give a shit that [your voice is shaking] and to keep talking.”
  Notable Quote:

  “Some of the most amazing performers we know… their bodies get hijacked [by nerves]… The remedy is to not give a shit that it's shaking and to keep talking.” – Anne, [32:38]

6. Personal and Universal Reflections

• Hosts’ Vulnerabilities: Frances shares how teaching confidence for her requires “an overabundance of content”—she needs 120 minutes of material for a 60-minute class to feel calm.
  [41:04]
• Empathy Theater: Discussed as the act of “playing at” empathy (e.g., tacking ‘does that make sense?’ on the end of sentences), which can become genuine with intention.
  [43:47]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On History and Baggage:

  “Try that on… history may not matter at all. What's your reaction to that?” – Anne, [10:32]

• On Polarization:

  “I come across as quite a polarizing person, because it's almost like I have split personality, where one day I'm focusing on one thing and then focusing on the other...” – Emma, [22:51]

• On Preparation:

  “You want 120 minutes of material for a 60-minute class.” – Anne (about Frances’ teaching style), [41:04]

• On Empathy Theater:

  “This was a very empathetic person who didn't know how to genuinely express empathy. So she did things as empathy theater.” – Frances, [44:01]

• On Agency:

  “All of the power is in recognizing your agency in this whole narrative…” – Anne, [14:33]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–01:16 | Series intro & confidence focus | | 01:18–06:24 | Emma’s intro, history, and recent setback | | 06:51–08:10 | The moment of friction; losing confidence after key presentation | | 08:33–13:00 | Letting go of baggage; naming “Steve” | | 16:32–19:36 | Trust triangle framework & Emma’s “authenticity wobble” | | 20:04–24:21 | The tradeoff illusion—integrating authenticity, logic, and empathy | | 27:39–33:41 | Tactics: Improv, teaching, public speaking, coping with physical symptoms of anxiety | | 35:06–36:15 | Everyday practice: Micro-goals in meetings | | 40:36–41:22 | Confidence as a byproduct; prepping for calm | | 42:23–44:30 | Personal stories: waiting to speak up, empathy theater | | 45:30–45:37 | Final takeaway: “all of your hopes and dreams are on the other side of discomfort” |

Actionable Insights & Closing Advice

• Let go of old stories: Don’t let past feedback or negative labels (“too much”) limit your evolution.
• Seek the ‘trust triangle’ equilibrium: Instead of toggling between extremes, strive for a blend of authenticity, logic, and empathy—tailored to your audience.
• Confidence is earned, not given: It follows action, preparation, and being trusted—don’t wait for it to appear before contributing.
• Get comfortable with discomfort: Use improv, public speaking, or even low-stakes meeting interventions to practice thriving under pressure.
• Test yourself with new audiences: Like comedians or teachers, expose your ideas to strangers to truly hone your skills.
• Notice and harness your agency: You have the power to change your patterns and try new approaches.

TL;DR Takeaway

If you’re struggling with confidence or feeling forced to choose between being “too much” or “not enough,” you’re not alone. Find your balance by activating authenticity, logic, and empathy together. Confidence will come when you prepare and practice, not before. Drop old baggage. Test yourself in new settings—step into discomfort. All your workplace hopes and dreams lie on the other side.