Fixable Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: How to handle your office crush — and keep it professional (w/ Master Fixer Tia Silas)
Date: February 10, 2025
Hosts: Anne Morriss & Frances Frei
Guest: Tia Silas (Chief People Officer, Mr. Beast)

Overview

This special Valentine’s Day episode of Fixable dives into the tricky realities of office romance. Hosts Anne Morriss and Frances Frei are joined by Tia Silas, an accomplished HR leader, to explore workplace crushes, relationships, and how organizations and individuals can handle them professionally and wisely. The conversation balances candid reality checks, data-backed insights, and actionable advice on navigating romance at work—whether you’re the boss, a peer, or in HR.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Love & Work Collide

• Valentine’s Day Angle: Anne and Frances, who met at work, admit it’s their least favorite holiday but channel its theme to “fix” workplace romance.
• Premise: Workplace romance is inevitable, so proactive strategies are necessary (04:20).
  • Anne: “Whenever you collect human beings as we do at work, sex and love and romance are all going to happen. They just are.” (04:20)
• Tia’s Caution: While love at work is natural, the stakes in terms of productivity, fairness, and legal risk are high.
  • Tia: “I love love… just not in the workplace… [companies are] deterred and distracted by anything that breaks the mold that lengthens the path between how high performers can actually achieve the mission of a company.” (06:38–09:18)

2. Organizational Perspective: Policies & Guardrails

The Realities of Policy Making

• Statistical Context:
  • ~40% of people have had workplace romance, but 60% say it decreased their productivity (08:07).
• Guardrails:
  • Focus on preventing power imbalance; explicit prohibitions on direct reporting relationships.
    • Tia: "To have someone reporting to you that you're in a relationship with is just prohibited." (15:10)
  • Reality: Even small startups aren't immune—sometimes, fallout is even harder to manage (16:01–17:10).
• Coaching Over Regulation:
  • Beyond policy, what actually works is coaching—helping people navigate their choices with eyes open.

Risk Management & Perception

• Key Risks:

  • Real or perceived bias, damage to meritocracy, and legal claims (especially if relationships sour).
    • Tia: “What people are worried about is their bias created right by those lines of power… that bias is sometimes real.” (12:24)
    • 62% of sexual harassment claims with the EEO reportedly start as consensual relationships (12:24).
  • "Relationships in the workplace are great so long as they never end… What creates the problems is when they end." (13:26)

• Common Mistakes:

  • Special treatment for “brilliant jerks”—relaxing rules for irreplaceable talent damages trust (17:16–18:27).

3. Employee Perspective: Navigating Office Romance

On Disclosure:

• When to Disclose: As soon as possible, especially if any power dynamic is present (18:53–20:34).
• Why Early Disclosure Helps:
  • Enables HR to protect both individuals and the organization from real and perceived bias, gossip, and complications.
  • Quote: "The circle of people, again, the rumor mills and organizations is like no other. It is equivalent to probably a high school in many instances." (19:47)
• Respect for Privacy: HR systems must protect confidentiality, especially around sensitive contexts (e.g., sexual orientation) and when law (GDPR) applies (22:07).

Initiating or Declining a Romance

• Approaching a Crush:
  • Express interest respectfully, be receptive to “no,” and don't persist after rejection to avoid harassment concerns.
    • Tia: “It's much more critical in the workplace to interpret that initial signal… and accept it such that it doesn't bubble up to things that feel like harassment eventually.” (27:39)
• Responding to Advances:
  • Clear, respectful “no”—and seek mentoring or support if it causes discomfort (28:36–29:34).

Managing the Relationship

• Managing Team Dynamics:
  • If a legit, disclosed relationship affects team comfort, recognize it's “what you signed up for.” Proactive, open dialogue may help, but some discomfort is inevitable (29:50–31:31).
• Navigating Breakups:
  • Disclose breakups to HR, especially if there could be retaliation or impact on team dynamics (31:43–32:31).
• Preexisting Relationships:
  • Must still be disclosed when joining a company to manage conflicts of interest (35:13–36:27).

4. Creating a Culture of Trust Around Disclosure

• Leaders should amplify and normalize disclosure channels—not just for romance, but for all policy-related concerns (32:56–34:19).
  • Monitor disclosure rates as a trust indicator—if no one’s disclosing but stats suggest romance is common, trust is lacking.
• Use third-party ombuds or special HR contacts where possible.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On inevitable romance at work:

  • Anne: "Whenever you collect human beings… sex and love and romance are all going to happen. They just are." (04:20)

• On the discomfort of workplace advances:

  • Tia: “Oh my God. I feel like my heart rate… I want to just be like, no, don't do it, don't say anything.” (26:38)

• On relationship fallout:

  • Tia: "Relationships in the workplace are great so long as they never end… What creates the problems is when they end." (13:26)

• On managing perceptions:

  • Tia: “Part of me telling more people is the perception of bias actually starts to become viral because I'm sharing details and so really what I want to do is make aware of the situation but give as little detail because you don't want the data be disrupted by a perception.” (21:35)

• On the importance of HR:

  • Anne: “This conversation to me is a public service announcement for hiring a very talented HR team.” (23:53)

• On the ultimate advice:

  • Tia, tongue-in-cheek: "Don't ever have a romantic relationship. No… but seriously, weigh out… pros and cons… take those decisions seriously." (36:31)

• On celebrating Anne & Frances's own workplace romance:

  • Tia: “I'm really glad I wasn't your HR person.” (38:19)

Practical Scenarios (with Tia’s Guidance)

1. How to Approach a Crush at Work (26:31):

• Be aware of position & power dynamics
• Express carefully, respect boundaries, accept a clear no immediately

2. If Dating a Coworker Makes Others Uncomfortable (29:50):

• Accept gossip is inevitable; own your choice; consider a respectful team conversation

3. Navigating a Workplace Breakup (31:43):

• Disclose breakup to HR, especially if contentious or implicating team collaboration; HR can help minimize perceived/real bias

4. Fears about Disclosure & Privacy (22:07, 32:56):

• HR must protect privacy and handle disclosures delicately; companies should promote safe, trustworthy disclosure systems

5. Preexisting Relationships or Conflicts (35:13):

• Disclose upon joining; company will structure roles to avoid direct reporting or conflicts of interest

Key Takeaways

• Workplace romance is common but risky—be open, honest, and proactive.
• Smart, clear policies and early, private disclosures are essential.
• HR’s role is to balance mission-driven productivity with real human experience—great HR matters.
• For individuals: Be mature, realistic about the complications, and prioritize professional integrity.
• For organizations: Build cultures of trust, protect privacy, and coach more than regulate.
• Ultimately: Love happens—let’s handle it like adults.

End of summary.