Fixable – Toolkit: Give Better Feedback

Podcast: Fixable
Hosts: Anne Morriss (A), Frances Frei (B)
Release Date: March 9, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode of Fixable, leadership experts Anne Morriss and Frances Frei explore the art and science of delivering effective feedback in professional environments. They break down why feedback conversations are so fraught with emotion, dissect common myths, and provide a tactical playbook for both giving and receiving feedback. The actionable insights offered apply to anyone aiming to foster growth and improvement within their team or organization.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Emotional Weight of Feedback

• Feedback is emotionally charged: Both giving and receiving feedback is “wildly loaded” with emotion, often leading to it being avoided or delivered ineffectively.
  • (00:22) Anne: “We hate giving it, we hate receiving it, and yet we all need to participate in this critical exchange in order to improve and get the results that we want.”
• Most feedback given is insufficient and ineffective.
  • (00:44) Frances: “We give far too little and that which we do give is far too ineffective.”

2. Defining and Categorizing Feedback

• Two Main Types of Feedback:

  • Evaluative Feedback: Where performance is graded or judged (e.g., end of semester grades, annual reviews).
    • (02:29) Frances: “Evaluative feedback is I give you a grade, I tell you how you're doing.”
    • Done episodically; honesty is crucial; does not necessarily help someone improve.
  • Improvement-Oriented Feedback: Ongoing, actionable input aimed at helping someone do better.
    • (03:14) Frances: “Improvement oriented feedback is how you change lives.”
    • Delivered regularly to enable growth.

• Positive Reinforcement vs. Constructive Advice:

  • Positive Reinforcement: Catching someone doing something right; should be specific and public if possible.
    • Encourages repetition of desired behaviors.
    • (04:27) Frances: “If you tell me which 10 are the differentiators, I'll do them more than 10 times tomorrow.”
  • Constructive Advice: Pointing out something to do differently; should be specific, sincere, and private.
    • Should not be combined with positive reinforcement (“feedback sandwich”).
    • (07:28) Frances: “Improvement oriented feedback has to be sincere and specific and ideally public.”

3. Debunking Common Feedback Myths

• The ‘Feedback Sandwich’ is ineffective:
  • Layering constructive advice between vague positive remarks is counterproductive.
    • (09:22) Frances: “The feedback sandwich has had worldwide distribution and it's wrong for so many reasons.”
    • Positive reinforcement should happen in real time, not banked for later.
• Constructive advice should not be delivered in the heat of the moment:
  • Needs to happen privately, at a time when the recipient can truly hear it.
  • (08:48) Frances: “Constructive advice should almost never be done in the moment because...I want to do it at a time that you can hear it.”

4. The 5:1 Ratio and Building a Feedback Foundation

• Essential ratio:

  • For every one bit of constructive advice, you should have delivered at least five bits of positive reinforcement.
    • (13:10) Frances: “For every one bit of constructive advice...a minimum of five bits of positive reinforcement.”

• Feedback effectiveness depends on prior positive reinforcement:

  • If you haven’t built a positive feedback foundation, your constructive advice won’t land.
  • (12:14) Frances: “I already need to have given you a foundation of positive reinforcement before I can even participate in constructive advice.”

• Time is not the real blocker; attention is:

  • Sincere, specific positive feedback takes about 12 seconds; constructive advice, about 60 seconds.
  • (13:18) Frances: “I don't think it's a matter of time. I think it's a matter of attention.”

• Measure feedback by recipient improvement:

  • (15:45) Frances: “You don't get a trophy until after the words that you have said manifested in improved performance.”

5. Impact on Teams and Performance

• High-performing teams give more positive reinforcement:
  • (17:20) Frances: “If you see high performing teams, I am sure there is much more positive reinforcement than low performing teams.”
• Feedback is not about being kind, but about clarity and development:
  • Avoid confusing developmental (improvement) feedback with evaluation; don’t distort evaluations out of misplaced kindness.
  • (19:04) Frances: “Be honest. In the evaluation, you're a two. Today, I'm gonna help you get, get higher...what I'm never going to do is out of kindness, distort your evaluation.”

6. How to Receive Ineffective or Clumsy Feedback

• Recognize emotional threat:

  • Feedback often feels like a “biological threat event”—a hit to belonging and safety.
  • (22:45) Anne: “It's a biological threat event. It is a threat to our core existential need to belong to the group.”

• Best initial response: “Thank you, I’ll reflect on that.”

  • (21:10) Frances shares Leslie John’s advice: “She recommends verbatim saying thank you. I'll reflect on that.”

• Don’t interrogate in the moment. Reflect, and follow up later with clarifying questions:

  • (23:29) Frances: “We should never ask follow up questions in the moment because when our nervous system was hijacked, our gentle follow up...comes across as a fierce interrogation.”

• Triangulate vague feedback:

  • Get input from others to distinguish signal from noise.
  • (26:13) Anne: “Just because someone has reached a conclusion about my choices doesn't necessarily mean that it's accurate.”

• Use trusted bystanders to process feedback emotionally:

  • Digesting feedback should not be a solo sport.
  • (27:17) Frances: “Digesting constructive advice I'm pretty sure should never be a solo sport because it's emotionally disregulated.”

7. Summary Takeaways and Practice Tips

• Praise-colored glasses:
  • Proactively look for behaviors to praise specifically and sincerely.
    • (28:35) Frances: “You should wear praise tinted glasses and catch people doing things right with enough specificity so that they can do more of it.”
• Holster constructive advice until the positive foundation is there:
  • “With your insights into how people should change. Honor the fact that that's a dangerous weapon you're walking around with...you need the sanding of positive reinforcement before you can come in and paint with constructive advice.”
• Coach with humility and specificity:
  • “When you give the constructive advice, there has to be an implicit do differently in it. It's not enough to tell me I was wrong.”
  • (30:59) Frances: “You're actually getting in there with me.”
• Gratitude for clumsy feedback:
  • Frame even poorly-delivered feedback as an investment or act of care.
  • (31:45) Frances: “The subtitles of their clumsy feedback to me is I love you. And they're investing in me.”
  • (32:30) Anne: “Sometimes it's not realistic, but...the habit of accessing that gratitude...in this situation in particular, it's a pretty revolutionary act and gift to give yourself.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Improvement oriented feedback is how you change lives.”
  – Frances (03:14)

• “For every one bit of constructive advice that you give someone, you need to already have given them a minimum of five bits of positive reinforcement.”
  – Frances (13:10)

• “Feedback sandwich has had worldwide distribution and it's wrong for so many reasons.”
  – Frances (09:22)

• “I don't think it's a matter of time. I think it's a matter of attention.”
  – Frances (13:18)

• “If you see high performing teams, I am sure there is much more positive reinforcement than low performing teams.”
  – Frances (17:20)

• “When someone is giving you constructive advice...it is a biological threat event.”
  – Anne (22:45)

• “Just because someone has reached a conclusion about my choices doesn't necessarily mean that it's accurate.”
  – Anne (26:13)

• “The subtitles of their clumsy feedback to me is I love you.”
  – Frances (31:45)

Practice Recommendations

• Aim for a 5:1 ratio: Give five sincere, specific positive reinforcements for every piece of constructive advice.
• Deliver positive reinforcement publicly and specifically.
• Deliver constructive advice privately, at the right time, with specificity and humility.
• Separate evaluation from development; don’t combine them.
• When receiving feedback:
  • Use neutral responses (“Thank you, I’ll reflect”), avoid immediate processing, and follow up with specific questions later.
  • Seek trusted partners to help process emotionally-charged feedback.
• Cultivate gratitude, even for awkward or clumsy feedback.

For more insights or to share your experiences with giving and receiving feedback, reach out to the Fixable team as invited in the episode.