Fixable — “Work advice from the world’s favorite couples therapist w/ Master Fixer Dr. Orna Guralnik”

Podcast: Fixable (TED)
Hosts: Frances Frei & Anne Morriss
Guest: Dr. Orna Guralnik
Date: November 24, 2025

Episode Overview

In the season finale, Anne Morriss and Frances Frei welcome Dr. Orna Guralnik, renowned psychoanalyst and star of Showtime’s “Couples Therapy.” The episode centers on translating key lessons from couples therapy—trust, repair, dealing with difference—into practical takeaways for workplace relationships. The hosts explore how individuals can initiate positive systemic change at work, touch on the emotional realities of difficult relationships, and close with actionable advice for anyone seeking to improve their professional connections.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bridging Couples Therapy and Work

• Universal Dynamics: Dr. Guralnik emphasizes that both in relationships and the workplace, the core challenge is working through differences and “otherness.”

  “A lot of what we do in the world is figure out how to work through difference, really, in almost every aspect of our life, every minute that we're interacting.” (05:54)

• Curiosity over Judgment: She stresses the importance of approaching differences with curiosity rather than seeing them as a binary of right/wrong or better/worse.

  “If we're different, one of us is right, one of us is wrong … it's a flawed premise. So ... move out of that state of mind and into a state of mind of curiosity.” (06:58)

2. Cultivating Curiosity and Non-Judgement

• Emotional Frequency & Self-Regulation: Dr. Guralnik frames patience, taking a breath, and managing intensity as prerequisites for real curiosity and inquiry.

  “I model it as an emotional frequency … patience, breath, regulating level of intensity … so you can be open to taking in something new.” (07:44)

• Practical Techniques: She recommends literally and figuratively “taking a deep breath,” reducing urgency, and allowing more space for the other party’s perspective.

  “Coach yourself into reducing a sense of urgency … imagine yourself taking up a little less space … and making a little more space for who you’re talking to.” (08:55)

3. Negotiating Space in Relationships

• Dynamic Negotiation: Frances brings in the idea of helping people claim or yield space as needed for healthy interaction.
• System Mindset: Dr. Guralnik explains that relationship dynamics are system-based: “If you create a good system ... a lot can happen for individuals. ... One person can do a lot to create an environment where the rest can flourish.” (11:18 & 12:35)

4. Agency in Improving Work Relationships

• Boss Relationships: Subordinates often carry more responsibility in repairing or improving relationships with their boss, but they do have agency.

  “In a relationship with the boss, it's often the subordinate who has more responsibility to attend to the relationship.” (13:15)

• Example—Listening: The primary actionable step is to become a better listener, which builds a mutually respectful environment.

  “The more you create an environment of proper deep listening, where true things can be said, it goes both ways.” (14:34)

• Teams as Packs: Effective teams understand and make use of individual roles, minimizing destructive competition and maximizing collective effectiveness.

  “Ideally, you want a team to experience themselves as part of a big unit … the importance of the individual is not what’s at stake, but the unit, the system as a whole.” (15:30)

5. Rupture and Repair: Rebuilding Trust

• Constant Repair: All relationships cycle through “rupture and repair”—the real muscle is in rebuilding trust, not just maintaining it.

  “There’s a saying in ... attachment research that all relationships are a constant rupture and repair. Constant.” (17:25)

• Knowing When to Move On: If attempts at change result in no movement or remain fossilized, it might be time to leave a relationship or job.

  “If something’s bothering you and you're always left with this bad feeling ... and it's not moving, go. Move on.” (18:35)

6. Deep Listening: Mechanics and Practice

• Shifting Modes: Deep listening involves suppressing your urge to respond or defend; truly listen for understanding, not just to reinforce your position.

  “Deep listening requires, first of all, quieting down your wish to speak … tune in a way that you’re trying to really get to the essence of what they’re saying.” (20:31)

• Reflection: Frances suggests—and Dr. Guralnik agrees—that repeating back the essence of what someone has said is a practical way to check your listening.

  “When they can repeat back the other person’s point to the other person’s satisfaction, you’ve probably gone through deep listening.” (21:56)

7. Working with a Spouse or Partner

• Benefits and Challenges: Working together as a couple is “fantastic” when it works, as it reveals many dimensions of a partner, but it demands shifting between different ‘discourse’ modes and being mindful of competition and comparison.

  “There’s a certain kind of discourse that we use at work and ... it’s important to know how to shift between those.” (24:23) “We do not want to be optimizing romance.” (24:31)

8. Systemic Change: One Person’s Impact

• Agency and Hope: Even if you’re the only one trying, you can “do a disproportionate amount of the work so that you take care of the system.” (39:39)
• Optimism: Anne and Frances both reflect on how hopeful it is to realize progress doesn’t require universal buy-in.

9. Transparency and Growth in Dr. Guralnik’s Practice

• Consulting Peers: The segments on “Couples Therapy” showing her consulting with colleagues were both authentic and intentional, designed to model learning and humility.

  “Relationships are based on not knowing and learning from other people and being in conversation.” (29:06)

10. The Power of Dogs (and Environment)

• Nico the Dog: Nico is an intentional part of Dr. Guralnik’s office, offering comfort and warmth as a “transitional object.”

  “She comes with me to work every day, does the work with me … she eases everyone in … and walks them out.” (32:27–33:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Patience and Space:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — “Imagine yourself taking up a little less space, and making a little more space for who you’re talking to.” (08:55)

• On Systemic Power:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — “A relationship is more than its parts … one person can do a lot to create an environment where the rest can flourish.” (12:35)

• On Rupture & Repair:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — “All relationships are a constant rupture and repair. Constant.” (17:25)

• On Deep Listening:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — “Deep listening requires, first of all, quieting down your wish to speak … tune in a way that you’re trying to really get to the essence of what they’re saying.” (20:31)

• On Leaving a Job or Relationship:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — “If you’re trying to make progress and it’s not working … then maybe you should go.” (18:35)

• On Roles and Teams:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — "A team ideally wants to experience itself as a unit, as a functional working group, where the importance of the individual is not what's at stake, but the unit, the system as a whole.” (15:30)

• On Bringing Your Dog to Work:
  Dr. Orna Guralnik — “She just brings … goodness and love and simplicity of connection … I don’t touch my patients, I don’t comfort them physically, but the dog does.” (33:23)

Actionable Advice & Takeaways

1. Two Immediate Tips for Improving Work Relationships (34:59)

• Express Real Gratitude: “Express gratitude to whoever you’re working with about something real. It’s about building a field … where people feel recognized.” (35:04)
• Practice Deep Listening: “Decide: OK, I’m going to listen to whoever it is. ... It’s about introducing ... a spirit of generosity, inclusiveness, recognition.” (35:04)

2. Making Change When You’re Alone

• You don’t need everyone’s buy-in to make progress: “One person can make a big difference.” (39:39)

3. Knowing When to Leave

• If efforts to repair or improve are stuck and you’re always left with a bad feeling—consider moving on. (18:35)

4. Distinguishing Modes of Communication

• Shift intentionally between different types of conversations (work, domestic, romantic) and resist ‘optimizing’ personal life the way you would professional life. (24:23–24:31)

Host Reflections & Closing Thoughts

• Hope & Agency:
  Frances: “You can do the disproportionate amount of the work so that you take care of the system.” (39:39)
• Presence of Curiosity:
  Anne celebrates Dr. Guralnik’s embodiment of curiosity and non-judgment as a “thrilling” and “powerful” counter to current media culture. (41:11)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introducing the Guest — 03:06
• Curiosity vs. Judgment — 06:58
• Emotional Regulation & Space — 07:44–09:37
• Agency in Boss Relationships — 13:15
• Repair vs. Rupture — 17:25
• Knowing When to Move On — 18:35
• Deep Listening Skills — 20:31–22:26
• Benefits & Challenges of Working With a Spouse — 22:56–25:51
• Transparency & Learning in Therapy — 29:06–31:42
• Dogs in the Therapy Room — 32:27–33:42
• Two Immediate Tips for Listeners — 34:59

Final Thoughts

This episode distills rich, hard-won wisdom from couples therapy into tools for building, mending, and sustaining strong relationships at work. Dr. Guralnik’s blend of psychological rigor, authentic compassion, and everyday pragmatism offers listeners “ultimately hopeful” guidance for becoming stewards of healthier teams, partnerships, and systems—starting, as she notes, with a simple act of gratitude or an honest attempt at deep listening.

For more episodes or to submit your workplace challenge, call 234-FIXABLE.