Flightless Bird: "Milky Bar Kid (AKA Falling in Love)"

Host: David Farrier | Cohost: Rob
Release Date: February 3, 2026

Overview

This episode of Flightless Bird juxtaposes two sides of contemporary America—a frank, urgent discussion of the ongoing ICE violence in Minneapolis, followed by a whimsical, heartfelt exploration of cross-cultural love, chocolate nostalgia, and the iconic Kiwi “Milky Bar Kid.” While starting with candid reflections on current events and protest culture, the main story centers around Doretta, an American woman, and Hayden, a former Milky Bar Kid from New Zealand, whose unlikely romance is wrapped in layers of family history, childhood fame, and, yes, chocolate allegiances.

1. The Weight of Current Events in America

(00:00–02:15; 03:00–17:57)

Opening Reflections on ICE Violence

• David opens with a stark statement:
  "[It] is utterly barbaric and insane that ICE goons are openly executing Americans on the street, and it is an utterly deranged situation that the American government is openly lying to the public about their reasons for doing so." (00:06, David Farrier)

• He describes witnessing the aftermath of the killing of Alex Pretty in Minneapolis and his anger as both an outsider and a resident journalist.

• Emphasis on activism:
  David encourages listeners—especially those with any platform—to "be yapping about it, else what's even the point?" (01:22, David Farrier)

On-the-Ground Journalism and Community Solidarity

• David and Rob discuss:

  • The cold brutality of ICE's presence.
  • The essential role of citizen "ICE patrols" in gathering evidence and countering state narratives.
  • The duality of America: “the juxtaposition of the most inhumane parts of this country, but then also the most beautiful and humane parts.” (09:31, Rob)

• Community resilience:
  David describes mutual aid—a cafe opening its doors to tear-gassed protestors, strangers offering comfort and supplies, and a city “so organized... it's hopeful.” (09:10–09:31, David)

Media Manipulation and Misinformation

• The hosts wrestle with the prevalence of video manipulation, “crazy gaslighting” online, and shifting blame from authorities to victims.

  • “We’re all watching the same video, so why aren’t we all seeing it? But... we’re seeing very different versions of that same video manipulated in very different ways.” (11:57, David)

• Rob shares the frustration of arguing even with family, “just grasping at straws to make [Alex] the enemy in an insane way.” (14:26, Rob)

• Caution to listeners:
  “Restrain yourself before you repost or say anything because it’s pretty wild out there online. And that’s all by design.” (10:10, David)

Fears for American Democracy

• The hosts voice concerns about complacency after incremental "victories" and the ongoing slide into authoritarianism:

  • “I just get... we take these wins as too much of wins when there’s so much more to be done.” (15:25, David)
  • “What it’s setting up with voter... the votes coming for the midterms is also terrifying...” (16:03, Rob)

• David closes the section, reflecting, “Those are the Americans that I love.” (17:07, David)

2. Chocolate, Advertising, and the Milky Bar Kid

(21:20–41:54)

Introducing Lighter Fare: A Candy-Colored Pivot

• After the intense opening, the podcast “awkwardly pivots” to the lighter subject of chocolate, advertisements, and nostalgia.
  • “We need to give our brand… it’s important to be engaged… it’s also important to occasionally have moments, if you can, of calm, else we’re all going to fall apart...” (17:42, David)

The Hosts Debate: The (Dubious) State of American Chocolate

• David is unabashedly a “chocolate snob,” calling Hershey’s “revolting… tastes like vomit. Tastes off. Tastes disgusting.”

  • “You’re American. You’re being indoctrinated into the vom. You don’t know any different.” (23:34, David)

• Rob is less passionate, but admits nostalgia for Hershey’s in s’mores.

Kiwi Chocolate Royalty: The Milky Bar Kid Explained

• Cultural iconography:
  In New Zealand, the Milky Bar Kid is as famous as “Jacinda Ardern, the All Blacks, Lord of the Rings.”

  • “He is as big as Jacinda Ardern, as big as the All Blacks, as big as Lord of the Rings, as big as James Cameron's Avatar trilogy.” (24:09, David)

• The Milky Bar Kid:

  • 1980s–90s ad campaign for white chocolate.
  • Blonde “cowboy” child, arriving in a Western town to save the day and distribute Milky Bars.
  • Endlessly quoted catchphrase: “The Milky Bars are on me!”

• David and Rob compare the Milky Bar Kid to U.S. commercial mascots, like “the Pepsi Kid” and “Old Spice Guy,” reflecting on the changing (and often lackluster) state of modern American ads.

3. A Transcontinental Love Story—Doretta & the Real Milky Bar Kid

(29:05–41:54)

Doretta’s Chocolate Heritage

• Doretta Hess, from Lancaster, PA, grew up just outside the Hershey chocolate empire.
  • Her great-great-grandfather, Levi Hershey, was cousins with Milton Hershey but “missed out” on becoming a chocolate mogul after turning down a business partnership.
  • “My great-great-grandfather... was a caramel maker and was asked to go into business with Milton... thought it would be a poor choice, so we missed out on that.” (29:39, Doretta Hess)

A Serendipitous Encounter

• Doretta, a self-described “recovering Mennonite,” attends a friend’s 50th birthday. She meets Hayden, “originally from New Zealand,” and the chemistry is instant.

  • “He was immediately different from anyone I ever met before... we have been inseparable on the weekends at least since.” (32:29, Doretta Hess)

• Hayden, for his part:
  “My first impressions were like, wow, yeah, stunning, beautiful.” (32:50, Hayden)

Who is Hayden? The Real Milky Bar Kid

• Hayden is a real-life farrier (horse hoof-care specialist) and, as a child, was the star of the Milky Bar Kid commercials in New Zealand.

• He describes his audition:

  • “…They got you dressed up in like a little cowboy outfit. And they were basically saying, okay, if you can imagine that there's a chest of gold in front of you, we just want you to pull the gun out, shoot the chest and hold the gun up in the air and say, the Milky Bars are on me.” (37:54, Hayden)

• On fame and legacy:

  • “It still baffles me that it's still a big thing.” (38:54, Hayden)

• He kept the original outfit, but won’t bring the (toy) gun and “legit-looking” bullet belt through TSA.

Love, Cultural Surprises, and Chocolate Tastes

• Doretta experiences New Zealand—a trip that brings her closer to Hayden and reveals “why he says, ‘I’m going to the toilet’”—because in NZ homes, the toilet is often separate from the rest of the bathroom.
  (40:58, Doretta Hess)

• She tries her first Milky Bar:

  • “I am not normally a white chocolate fan, but it is really really good. Like, it's sweet, but it's also creamy and just really delicious.” (41:36, Doretta Hess)

• David relishes their story as “a New Zealander who played a cowboy riding around...pretending to be in America’s Old West...found himself decades later living in America, working with horses for real.” (41:54, David)

4. Reflections, Feedback, and Listener Questions

(45:32–57:56)

Chocolate Preferences & Family Names

• David admits to being a “choc man all the way” and goes into detail about his family name’s occupational roots (“farrier” meaning horseshoe fitter).
• Hayden and David are unrelated, despite the professional overlap.

On Childhood Fame and American Advertising

• Hayden’s childhood fame as Milky Bar Kid did not “set him up for life,” earning a flat fee of about $10,000, banked by his parents.
• The hosts discuss differences in advertising culture U.S. vs. NZ, and the phenomenon of celebrities taking ad gigs today versus the past.

Listener Feedback

• Corrections on plural of “die” (it’s “dice”).
• Listener suggestions for future episodes, especially around niche cults and history teachers.
• Invitation to listeners to share their own stories for upcoming Flights of Fancy or history-themed episodes.

5. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On mutual aid in Minneapolis:
  “The way mutual aid is so embedded in that community... even when the tear gas started flying…businesses and residents were opening their doors. And this cafe let a bunch of people in…‘use those [napkins] to wipe your faces down, snot off your face. Here’s water, here’s drink, here’s coffee.’” (09:10–09:27, David Farrier)

• On American chocolate:
  “Hershey’s chocolate…the first time I had it…good God…tastes like vomit. Tastes off. Tastes disgusting.” (23:18–23:19, David Farrier)

• On why the Milky Bar Kid resonates:
  “If you were alive in New Zealand in the 90s the Milky Bar Kid ads were everywhere.” (36:54, David Farrier)

• On encountering fame as a nine-year-old:
  “I think there was five and a half thousand, six thousand kids that auditioned... So yeah, it sort of blew me out of the water really because I had no experience prior to that…” (37:54, Hayden)

• On their relationship’s chocolate differences:
  “You can see what kind of dilemma I’m in though, mate, is like, I promoted a white chocolate. Now I’m dating a girl that comes from the dark chocolate side. Like, what do I do?” (37:01, Hayden)

6. Key Timestamps

• 00:00–01:22: David's explicit callout of ICE executions; emotional context.
• 09:10–09:31: Inspiring account of Minneapolis mutual aid.
• 11:57: The manipulation of protest footage—media literacy note.
• 23:18–23:19: David’s visceral reaction to Hershey’s as a Kiwi.
• 24:01–26:43: Origin & cultural impact of the Milky Bar Kid.
• 29:39–30:31: Doretta’s family history and the “missed” Hershey legacy.
• 32:29–32:50: Doretta & Hayden’s first meeting and impressions.
• 37:54: Hayden’s account of his Milky Bar Kid audition and fame.
• 40:58: Doretta learning about “going to the toilet” in NZ.
• 41:36: Doretta’s first Milky Bar experience.
• 45:32–46:57: Playful chocolate preferences discussion.
• 49:07–50:12: On the “unregulated” American farrier profession and fan clubs.
• 53:54–55:52: Listener feedback; ideas for cult and history episodes.
• 57:16–57:56: Final call for story submissions; update on Patreon goal.

Tone & Language

• Farrier’s voice: Warm, self-effacing, earnest, often humorous ("awkward pivot"), never preachy but forceful when needed.
• Rob’s tone: Grounded, gently skeptical, ready with personal anecdotes, balancing Farrier’s intensity.
• Interviewees (Doretta & Hayden): Genuine, candid, blending quirky New Zealand nostalgia with American earnestness.

In Summary

While the episode opens with gravity and rage at ongoing violence and erosion of American democratic norms, it seamlessly transitions to a charming and unlikely love story that bridges two countries’ chocolate empires and ad culture. Along the way, the hosts revisit the power of cultural icons, the value of mutual aid, and the simple joys of finding someone to love—even (especially) if you hail from rival chocolate dynasties.

For those who haven’t listened: this episode balances social criticism, cross-cultural trivia, a touch of absurdity, and genuine sweetness—much like a Milky Bar itself.