Nest Sessions: Peter Matthew Bauer on Growing up in a Meditation Cult

Summary

---

Flightless Bird – "Nest Sessions: Peter Matthew Bauer on Growing Up in a Meditation Cult"

Podcast: Flightless Bird
Host(s): David Farrier, Rob
Guest: Peter Matthew Bauer
Air Date: February 5, 2026

---

Overview

In this intimate Nest Session, journalist David Farrier and cohost Rob welcome musician Peter Matthew Bauer (formerly of The Walkmen) to discuss his singular childhood spent between Washington D.C. and a New York meditation ashram—an experience he candidly describes as “growing up in a meditation cult.” Over hash brown casserole (a Kentucky family recipe), they delve into the American phenomenon of spiritual seeking, cult dynamics, parental influence, and the collateral effects on personal identity, creativity, and skepticism. The conversation is candid, humorous, occasionally dark, and ultimately explores the uniquely American quest for meaning and belonging—blending music, memory, and existential musings.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Middle Names, Americana, & Casserole Culture

[00:14–03:32]

• The trio starts playfully discussing the significance of middle names, joking about “serial killer” vibes (Peter’s full name: Peter Matthew Bauer).
• Peter brings hash brown casserole (“Marisa’s [Peter’s wife’s] Kentucky family recipe”), which Farrier delights in ("It smells fucking amazing." – David, [01:48]).
• Casseroles as a comfort food are highlighted as a Southern and American tradition—specifically tied to holidays and communal gatherings.

Notable Quotes:

• “Sometimes you get into those things and you're like, oof. There's some weird things in a casserole... But this one is like, actually just… It's all business.” – Peter, [01:49]
• “There's an element of, like, slop to a casserole.” – Guest/Producer, [02:03]

---

2. Peter’s Upbringing: D.C., Parents, and Family Practices

[03:34–06:06]

• Peter clarifies he's from Washington, D.C.—describing it as a “weird culture,” more transient today, but nostalgic in his memory.
• His parents were psychologists, running their practice out of their home: “The waiting room was our living room... I'd sit there…and then there'd be another stranger...going through a crisis.” – Peter, [06:02]
• Upstairs: psychology practice. Downstairs: meditation center.

---

3. Inside the Meditation Cult/Ashram Experience

[06:18–13:44]

• Peter explains, “I grew up in…an ashram and meditation cults, which are not, like, thought of as, you know… red, white and blue America.” ([06:23])
• From ages 3–4, he lived in India at a guru’s ashram; most summers meant returning to the same guru, whose main center was in upstate New York in the Catskills—ironically, near the “Dirty Dancing” resort.
• Ashram life was a blend of Americana (converted Catskills resorts) and Eastern spiritual trappings—“a kind of gaudy statue of Krishna and Shiva.” ([07:18])
• Parents’ journey: Father nearly became a Catholic priest; became followers after meeting the guru.
• Notable: 1980s ashram culture attracted celebrities (Barbra Streisand, Vernon Reid of Living Colour).
• A pivotal New Yorker article revealed scandal and widespread abuse, likened to “Wild, Wild Country—but with less guns” ([08:44]).

Candid Reflections:

• “Looking back at it, was it a good time or was it quite chaotic?” – David ([08:47])
• “It’s definitely defined my life… the way I think about things… You’re free. You could roam the woods, make friends, play Dungeons and Dragons… But then as you get older, they start making you do work for God.” – Peter ([09:04], [09:58], [10:17])
• Peter describes the shift from carefree childhood to forced labor (“digging a ditch for free”), and the emergence of an “in-crowd” of especially indoctrinated kids ([10:26]).

---

4. Early Dissonance, Questioning Authority & Cult Dynamics

[11:00–17:36]

• Peter pinpoints his first disillusionment as a child: after an internal power struggle, the ashram leadership ordered burning photos of a “bad” guru, which disturbed Peter—not for spiritual reasons, but “because I cared about the dog.” ([12:12])
• He reflects on his “anti-authoritarian problem,” resistant to groupthink, false structures, and charismatic leaders.
• Open about the darker realities: “A lot of really terrible things happened there... a lot of sexual abuse…” ([14:17]). He shares a painful story of a peer who was told by the guru he was “evil,” an emotional wound that haunted him into adulthood ([16:01]).
• Peter offers a controversial thesis: “There’s always sexual abuse… It’s primary to the whole thing… the whole point of it, where that energy comes from.” ([16:23–16:39])

Notable Quotes:

• “It’s always with a cult, isn't it? You always end up digging ditches.” – David, [10:26]
• “I have a very unfounded theory that you just—it’s primary to the whole thing…without that element, the whole thing wouldn’t exist.” – Peter, [16:23]

---

5. Return Visits & Evolving Belief Systems

[20:08–22:23]

• Recounting a recent visit to the now-decaying ashram: “Everything was run down… had a very much kind of Gray Gardens feeling to it.” – Peter, [20:51]
• Reflects on how growing up in this environment forged his “belief system, or lack of belief system,” and recounted being trained as an astrologer (“the backup career”).
• Peter on astrology: “I don't really believe this... but it's a fun art... another way of encapsulating the atmosphere you're in.” ([22:28], [22:48])

---

6. Cult Energy, Astrology, and Modern America

[23:01–25:56]

• Peter draws connections between his ashram upbringing, astrology studies, and America’s rising “cultic energy”—connecting astrological cycles (rahu/ketu) to American “toxicity” and the Trump era ([23:01–24:28]).
• “If you live as it is versus how it's supposed to be, you have a lot more success on a personal level with this energy…” ([25:38–25:56])
• David shares skepticism but appreciates astrology as a communal language or way of inhabiting reality: “You can't just sort of write it off, because that's how a whole lot of people talk to each other and understand the world…” ([26:21])

---

7. Music, Ethics, and the Streaming Economy

[29:34–37:41]

• Peter explains how the ashram led, indirectly, to his music career in D.C., joining the Walkmen cohort, and the formation of his musical identity.
• He discusses his recent decision to pull his solo music from Spotify, motivated partly by the platform funding AI weapons tech (“Helsing AI”) and concerns over artist exploitation.
• “Saying no to your own destruction can be fun.” – Peter quoting Deerhoof's Greg Saunier ([41:38])
• Farrier relates, sharing a recent platform ethics decision: moving his newsletter off Substack after learning about its problematic content hosting ([37:08–37:20]).
• They reflect on the ethical tightrope of being a creator in the digital age.

---

8. Performances & Artistic Reflection

[44:31–55:48] Peter performs three songs live (“Doom,” “Knife Fighter,” “Gold Paint for Blue Sky”), each tied to the episode’s themes of uncertainty, memory, and resilience.

• “Doom” is explicitly described as a response to the toxicity and technological anxiety of the present, encapsulating his resistance to exploitative systems and digital devaluation of music.
• Throughout, Peter and the hosts riff on the nature of art, improvisation, and the pressures artists face in a rapidly changing world.

---

Notable & Memorable Moments

“Serial killer name” banter

Peter: "I kind of like having a middle name thing. It makes you seem timeless."
David: "Serial killer. Or just a bit more iconic." ([00:26–00:31])

Childhood Indoctrination and Rebellion

"But you were free. You can kind of roam the woods and... make friends and play Dungeons and Dragons and skateboard... Then as you get... older... they start making you do work for God..."
— Peter, [09:58–10:17]

First real doubt

"They were literally, like, disappearing, like, burning the pictures of the other guru who had been the guru, like, an hour ago..."
— Peter, [12:14]

On belief and skepticism

"I have a very anti-authoritarian problem. I would say...Any sort of structured program of, especially religious thing, I get real [reactive].
— Peter, [12:57]

Cultic energy and astrological metaphors

"The thing that I got out of growing up in this stuff is this exact thing—what’s called...rahu...It's like this subtle, esoteric energy...very creative and revolutionary...but can have this negative, crazy toxicity."
— Peter, [24:29]

Refusing the system

"Saying no to your own destruction can be fun."
— Peter (quoting Greg Saunier), [41:38]

---

Performance Timestamps

• Doom: [44:31–47:41]
• Knife Fighter: [48:30–52:21]
• Gold Paint for Blue Sky: [52:21–55:48]

---

Conclusion & Takeaways

• Bauer’s story is a case study in America’s contradictory spiritual landscape: unbounded freedom, cultic susceptibility, creative flourishing, and deep-rooted skepticism.
• The episode gently weaves together food, humor, dark history, art, and spiritual difference—showcasing both the dangers and strange gifts of growing up in a non-traditional, spiritually charged environment.
• Peter’s journey from ashram child to indie rock musician is marked by a refusal to submit to authority in any form, and a manic, searching creativity that's evident in his music and worldview.
• The “Nest Session” closes with gratitude, laughter, song, and casserole—a fittingly communal, if a bit surreal, American ending.

---

For listeners who missed the episode:
This installment is a deeply personal, non-judgmental inquiry into what it means to come of age on the fringes of American spiritual and musical cultures, how to survive and create meaning in a fractured, cult-prone society, and how to draw boundaries between self-actualization and self-destruction—even if you have to dig your way out.

---

Transcript

[David Farrier]

Do you want to kick this off, Rob, you want to dive in?

[Rob]

Yeah. Do you want to introduce yourself?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Sure. I'm Peter Matthew Bauer. The middle name thing is, put it on my records years ago and can't get rid of.

[David Farrier]

I kind of like having a middle name thing. It makes you seem timeless.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

A serial killer kind of. Yeah.

[David Farrier]

Serial killer. Or just a bit more iconic. I think if I was David Andrew Farrier, it would be more memorable than David.

[Rob]

I think it's more timeless. It feels way more old timey, which I think fits your vibe, too.

[David Farrier]

Thanks.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Thanks.

[Rob]

In a positive.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

You know what it really hit me the wrong way was when Billy Corgan put a solo record out with what? I don't remember what his middle name is. And then I was like. I started feeling really bad about it, but it's really.

[David Farrier]

He put a middle name in.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

It's like William Incredible.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Andrew Corgan or something. But it's William.

[David Farrier]

I saw Billy Corgan. He came to New Zealand and did he. What was his solo album?

[Guest or Producer]

The Future Embrace.

[David Farrier]

And I went along and he was. He's a buzzy dude.

[Rob]

Chicago guy.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Is he Chicago guy.

[David Farrier]

Do we like Billy Corgan or is he too much?

[Rob]

When he, like, retired from music, he started a wrestling. Like an amateur wrestling. That's why he loves wrestling.

[David Farrier]

Yeah.

[Rob]

And then he opened, like, a tea house out in the suburbs of Chicago. And he would, like, do really abstract concerts.

[David Farrier]

Right.

[Rob]

Where it's like interpretations of plays through a pedal board.

[David Farrier]

At least he's doing what he loves.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I'm down with that stuff, you know?

[Rob]

All right. So you brought us some food to kick this off?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I did. This is my wife Marisa's hash brown casserole. She's from Kentucky, and so this is a family recipe. I know her mother made it. I believe her grandma made it, too.

[David Farrier]

It smells fucking amazing.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's really good. Sometimes you get into those things and you're like, oof. There's some weird things in a casserole. You know, I'm not like, yeah, well versed. But this one is, like, actually just. It's all business. Yeah.

[David Farrier]

I feel like casseroles are a controversial dish because it's kind of like.

[Guest or Producer]

There's an element of, like, slop to a casserole.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

And you're like, what's in there? What am I getting?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Right.

[David Farrier]

Very hash brown centric, which I feel.

[Guest or Producer]

Is a very American thing.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, yeah. This is. It's hash browns. And I'm not supposed to give it away, the recipe, probably, but there's like, there's cheese, there's cornflakes, there's.

[David Farrier]

I mean, I just want to try. Get in there.

[Rob]

Yeah. Do you have casseroles in New Zealand?

[David Farrier]

We have casseroles.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

You do?

[David Farrier]

Okay. But nothing not involving the hash brown kind of side of things.

[Rob]

Yeah. Because it feels like a very American, like, holiday. Make a casserole because all your family's.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Going to be over around the holidays. It's like a pretty regular thing. So I think if I'd asked, I was like, you know, I'm doing this thing. Do you think you can make one? And it was not December 15th or whatever it is, it would be harder to.

[David Farrier]

This feels like the ultimate sort of comfort food situation all year round. You're having this. Or is it more sort of in colder months?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Colder months, Definitely just Thanksgiving, Christmas time kind of thing. Maybe like, you know, it would be the thing she brings to, like, some sort of school potluck type thing.

[Rob]

Yeah, this is really good.

[David Farrier]

Oh, yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's also really good with, like, a fried egg.

[David Farrier]

The next day is a casserole. In this one in particular, is it tied geographically to a certain. For instance, this is the first casserole I've had in America.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Okay.

[David Farrier]

And I've been in LA for sort of almost five years now. And this is my first one.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's definitely Southern. It feels. This is specifically definitely Kentucky Southern. You know, like, everybody brings different plates to kind of a family reunion type sort of situation.

[David Farrier]

What was it like growing up there?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Well, I'm from Washington, D.C. but my wife's okay.

[David Farrier]

Right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

But I've been down there a lot now.

[David Farrier]

At this point, we did an episode recently involved. I went to Washington D.C. my first.

[Guest or Producer]

Trip there, to talk to a woman.

[David Farrier]

Who was digging a tunnel under her neighborhood.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Interesting.

[David Farrier]

So she was just obsessed with digging. And the neighbors got really worried because they're like, we sort of got a human mole in the neighbourhood. And she's digging under the houses. So that's what I always think of now.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It was a compulsive thing, I would say.

[David Farrier]

So, like, she just desperately wanted to dig. And this is like a big tunnel. I mean, I went down with her. We're like a couple of stories underground. And it's sort of scary because she's just digging it herself. Is this thing gonna collapse on me? But she's very smart. Tunnel hasn't collapsed yet.

[Rob]

Tiktoker, right?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

Started on. Started sort of documenting the tunneling, and then the neighborhood got worried that she was digging, like, further out from under her House like a sinkhole pop up in her backyard. But you, like, Washington was a good.

[Guest or Producer]

Place to grow up or terrible.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It was great place to grow up. I mean, I have a very nostalgic feeling for D.C. but, you know, it's a weird culture. I guess it's different now. It's such a kind of transient place now.

[David Farrier]

Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I feel like growing up there, there was still people from there.

[David Farrier]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

My parents moved out here during COVID to be nearer to us. But, like, when I would go back and I'd be like, go to a bar on my corner. They'd be like, where are you from? And I'd be like, right there. And like, people just would not understand what you're talking, like, originally, where are you from?

[David Farrier]

And you're like, yeah, right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And it's very, like, gentrified, displaced kind of area that.

[Rob]

Was it always so political there, like. Cause that's what it's morphed into. Right. Is everyone there for politics?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, I think.

[Rob]

I mean, it's an industry town.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's definitely. Yeah, it's definitely that. I mean, it always has been. Yeah, there was definitely more provincial parts of it, like, you know, people doing this or that. But, like, my parents were psychologists, so the people they would see would be mostly from that world.

[David Farrier]

I would, you know, with parents being psychologists, do you. Can you sort of. Could you dive into their minds for, like, how. When you were growing up and stuff?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Oh, God, no. No, I would hate that. Like, I mean, like, you'd be like.

[David Farrier]

Yeah, what is it?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

You analyzing me right now?

[David Farrier]

Yeah, I guess that would be kind of. The parents are probably the last people you want as you're like, psychologists or therapist or anything like that.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Like, my mom would, like, you'd be like, what are you doing up there? You know, like.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And then that would always piss me off.

[David Farrier]

Stop looking at me. Stop analyzing me.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

They had their. Their practice in our house.

[David Farrier]

So you'd have people turning up, patients turning up, knocking on the door, going inside.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Absolutely. There was. The waiting room, was our living room. So I would sit there and sitcoms and eat dinner, you know, in front of the tv. And then there'd be like another stranger there, like, going through, like, a crisis.

[David Farrier]

That's kind of wild.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[Rob]

Well, that's a good segue into what we're talking about. Right?

[David Farrier]

Yeah. So all I really know is that you. You sort of had a unique. Some unique experiences as a growing up.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Right. So, yeah, just when I was talking to Rob about doing this it's like, what's uniquely American? I was like, well, I think I'm kind of a bad person for this because I grew up in, like, an ashram and, like, meditation cults, which are not, like, thought of as, you know. It's not like red, white and blue.

[David Farrier]

No.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

America. But as we were talking about, they had a psychology practice in our house. They also had a meditation center in our basement. So.

[David Farrier]

Right. So upstairs was the psychology office.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Exactly.

[David Farrier]

And then meditation.

[Rob]

You could have briefly threw in meditation cult. And it's like. Well, I don't.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yes, there's nothing.

[Rob]

That's. That's it.

[David Farrier]

So. Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So I grew up when I was a little kid, I lived in India like 3 and 4, and then went back once or twice. But then most every summer, you would go to the same guru. The same guru had, like, ashrams all over the world, the main one being in upstate New York. Have you ever seen the movie Dirty Dancing?

[Guest or Producer]

I have.

[David Farrier]

It's been a while.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

There's these big Catskills resorts, right. And they had bought the two next to the Dirty Dancing resort and turned them into an ashram. So it's like very similarly, like, the feeling is very upstate New York, Catskills, but then there's like, a kind of gaudy statue of, like, Krishna and Shiva.

[David Farrier]

What got your parents into it? They visited India and got into it there, or was it a quest?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

No, my father was going to be a Catholic priest, so was my dad. Is that right?

[Rob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He left seminary school to start a family.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

There you go. I think that was part of it. And then the other part was he met this guru, and he met him, and then he started following this guru. And so that got us to India was to go to live in the Sasha when I was little. And then from there, they were involved in all sorts of different other ones as. So in the 80s, that particular, you know, group got very big, and it was, like, very, like, you know, glitzy. Like. Like American celebrities would come and be like, barbra Streisand's here. You know, it was, like, cool. And all that stuff was sort of cool to them.

[David Farrier]

Right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

The big one for me was Vernon Reed from Living Color came the. The band, and I was, like, working at the. The ice cream shop at the. At the ashram. And I was like. It was in sixth grade, and he.

[David Farrier]

Came and I was amazing.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So then there was like, you know, kind of like 80s. Like, there was like an amphitheater with, like, lights, and, you know, it was really, you Know, whatever. There's. Then there was a big New Yorker article that kind of took the whole thing down, you know, where they unearthed all the many different scandals, you know. Did you ever watch Wild, Wild Country?

[David Farrier]

Absolutely did.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So it's very similar with, like, a lot less guns, I would say.

[David Farrier]

Right. Because that was going to be my question. Obviously it was one experience being in it at the time, but, like, looking back at it, was it a good time being involved in that or was it quite chaotic?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And so it's definitely defined my life. It definitely defined the music I make or whatever I write.

[David Farrier]

Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And the way I think about things. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad. There's great things about it. One is that your parents, when you're like, you know, 10 or 11 years old and you have to go there every. You know, when you're like a teenager and everything, your parents leave at five in the morning to go meditate and come back at 10 at night. And you're in these like, kind of old cabins that the families rent down the street from the ashram. They're like, mostly for, like, Orthodox Jews, I think, like, used to rent them. And then you have the ashram people. So the really funny thing is you'd have all the ashram kids and then you'd have the like, Orthodox Jewish kids on the other side of a fence.

[Guest or Producer]

Very different world.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And you just like, would like, throw rocks at each other and just be like, ah. Like, you'd be like, those guys are crazy. Like, you guys are crazy. You know, like, it was just like a does, you know, and then you meet at the convenience store up the street to just try to buy cigarettes or something.

[David Farrier]

So we're actually the same, we're all just kids.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yes.

[David Farrier]

Right. Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

So.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

But you were free. You can like, kind of roam the woods and. And try to, you know, you just make friends and play Dungeons and Dragons and skateboard and stuff. And that was great. So then as you get like a little bit older, maybe around that same age actually, probably they start making you do work for God, like culture.

[David Farrier]

What age is this?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I mean, could kind of always make you do it, or you could make you go to a program, but you can kind of get out of it. But eventually you suddenly, like, you're digging a ditch for free and you're like, what the hell is going on?

[David Farrier]

It's always with a cult, isn't it? You always end up digging ditches.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's part of the deal.

[David Farrier]

Yeah. How old were you when, like, the ditch digging began, when I got thrown.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Out, was probably 13 or 14 something. Somewhere around the beginning of really high school. Like, my friend. I had a friend. Him and me were old enough to be like, this is really stupid. And we were both into, like. He was really into, like, heavy metal. And so we would just go, like, smoke cigarettes in the woods and try to pick up girls and stuff. But then there was, like, an in crowd at that point. At that age where the kids have been really indoctrinated. So they've gotten very odd, too. Like the kids who live there year round.

[David Farrier]

Wait, so what made you have that perspective of, this is a bit weird, and I'm not into this. If that's where you were spending all your time, what gave you that lifeline out to be like, this isn't completely normal.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[Rob]

How old were you when you first started going there?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I mean, from life? I was born in the meditation center, was in the basement. So that was every Thursday, like, 100 people come over to our house.

[David Farrier]

So, like, where did the influence come? Where you sort of thought, maybe this isn't the life for me, the first.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Thing was there was two gurus at one point. So the original guru died, had a secret daughter who became the guru, right. And a secret son. Okay. And the daughter and son eventually had, like, a fight, and the daughter won. But now, when I was little, this is probably six or seven, the male guru's dog would be brought to our house with some swamis every once in a while. So he had a. He had a chow that I loved. This, like, just big yellow chow. This is the greatest dog that ever happened. And then one day, my parents were like, well, you know what? We're gotta get rid of all the pictures of Nichananda because he's out. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? Like, you know. And I remember that being the moment, which was very weird. They were literally, like, disappearing, like, burning the pictures of the other guru who had been the guru, like, an hour ago.

[David Farrier]

Yeah. And you were like, this is odd behavior. This doesn't feel right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

That doesn't feel right. And mostly because I cared about the dog. I was like, this sucks. You know, the dog's much better than the guru. So, like, let's. Yeah, you know, So I don't know. I mean, you know, I don't think my parents were like. I mean, they stayed in way too long, but I don't know why. I still can't, you know, But.

[David Farrier]

But. But they did. They did.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

They did. What they did. But to me, it was pretty early that I was like, I don't know.

[David Farrier]

About all this stuff because I mean, I grew up sort of a bog standard sort of conservative Christians. I was getting all those values and ideas. What did it give to you that was good and maybe not so good in the way that you saw the world and understood the world? Because I imagine there was some good that came out of it.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Oh, totally.

[David Farrier]

Some bad stuff.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I think I have like a weird relationship with that in that, like, I have a very anti authoritarian problem. I would say, like, there's great things about it. But then there's a point where, like for instance, when my son was little, my mom wanted us to go see this other guru. This is very nice, guru. She's good. She's amachi, you know, she's the hugging guru.

[David Farrier]

Right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So I don't mind going because the food's good is what, you know, really don't mind. But they go up and as soon as we get in line, some like, you know, ashramite person like, put their hand on my back and I was like, you know, turned around like, just. And Marisa was like, what the hell's wrong with you? They're just telling you to get in line. And I was definitely think, like, I get into that any sort of structured program of especially religious thing. I get real.

[David Farrier]

Yeah, like, don't you tell me what to do.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Right. And to a, to a, to a fault that I think really does keep me from certain experience nowadays.

[Rob]

But that stems though from growing up in this particular group.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, I think. Or just the authority, the strange, the groupthink, the, the, the cult mindset you really have trouble dealing with later on, you know. But it's also really fascinating. I think it gives you an understanding of it. I think you get understanding of the strangeness of how people kind of.

[Rob]

Well, is it you. Did you feel tricked? And this is like, I'm not gonna fall for this again. And that's where it comes from.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

No, I don't think it was falling for. I don't think I ever felt tricked. I think it was just like, I didn't like the people bossing you around, telling you what to do and kind of using these false structures of power through it. And the charismatic figure thing, you know, seems really difficult and bad in a lot of ways. I mean, I have a lot of friends who, you know, like. I mean, a lot of really terrible things happened there. You know, there was, there was a lot of sexual abuse. There was a lot of it's like, somewhat uncovered. It's somewhat like, who really knows? But, like, you know, I remember when I was a teenager, and we'd be, like, hanging out these girls, and then there would be, like, this weird. There's this darshan, which is when you go meet the guru. Okay? This is a thing you do every day. You go meet the guru, and she gives you gifts or whatever. And they would be darshan girls, right? Which are like. It was like the in thing to be. It's like. Like being the altar boy or something, right? So the pretty girls get to be the darshan girls. They get to wear the saris and sit next to the group. Grew at a boyfriend who turns out was, like, this, like, arms dealer in a previous life and went to the Oscars with Angelina Jolie at one point. You know, it's like one of these just Zelig characters that you're like, all right, you know, and there was this building in the back, and, like, God knows what happened there. And, you know, you. It was like, you'd find these stories. It was really fucking bad. And I. You know, as. I mean, the first, like, solo record ever made was sort of about it. And I met this guy, and he was like, oh, man, I grew up in that, like, you know, I really gravitated your record. And, like, he, like, lived there full time. And one time, the guru told him that he was evil. His sister was good, but he was evil. And there's just nothing he could do about it. He was just. He was hooked.

[David Farrier]

Positive thing to hear.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And he was like. And that screwed me up for the rest of my life, you know, because you believe.

[David Farrier]

He would have believed that and taken.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

That on 16 or something like that. Yeah, the God told you you were bad, you know, so there's a lot of stuff like that. And there's always, like. Always sexual abuse to the point of, like. I have a very unfounded theory that you just. It's primary to the whole thing. It's not like, you know, people are like, oh, that guy failed his flock, or something. Like, I think that's the whole point of it, where that energy comes from.

[David Farrier]

And without that element, the whole thing wouldn't exist.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Exactly. It's like.

[David Farrier]

It's like.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's like.

[Rob]

It is driving force.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's in the deep DNA of it, beyond all belief.

[David Farrier]

I feel like that coming growing up adjacent to kind of mega churches, I kind of feel that's part of it. I think if there wasn't the power and the abuse in there and also like victims almost being created and this us and them that'll fall apart.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I mean, nothing. It's like, it's where the power and like the energy even comes in completely. And I mean, I'm not like a disbeliever in the energy. I mean, I saw like, you know, grandma's doing backflips and like doing, you know, like all this weird stuff, all these supernatural things. When you're a little kid, there's a lot of weirdness in the world and that you get to see a lot of it in that environment. But I do think either you have to be like the master of masters or just not whatever it is to avoid the abuse. But the abuse seems very at the core of it all.

[David Farrier]

Stay tuned for more Flightless Bird.

[Guest or Producer]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. This episode of Flightless Bird is brought to you by Wild Grain. Wild Grain is the first bake from frozen subscription box for sourdough breads, artisanal pastries and fresh pastas. Plus all items conveniently bake in 25 minutes or less. I don't know whether you're aware how much I love bread and especially sourdough, but good God, this is built for me. You get it out of your freezer, it's in the oven for 25 minutes or less and you have this beautiful bread smell all around the house and good God, it tastes good. And unlike many store bought options, Wild Grain uses simple ingredients you can pronounce and a slow fermentation process and can be easier on your belly and richer in nutrients and antioxidants. There's no preservatives and no shortcuts. Wild Grains boxes are fully customizable. In addition to their variety box, they have a gluten free box, a vegan box and a new protein box if you want that protein. I love Wild Grain. I now know where I want to get all my bread from again. As I read this ad, I just think of the smell in my house at the moment.

[David Farrier]

So good.

[Guest or Producer]

There's nothing like having an artisan bakery in your freezer to chase away the winter chill. Now is the best time to stay in and enjoy comforting homemade meals with wild grain. I highly recommend giving Wild Grain a try. Right now, Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box plus free croissants for life when you go to wildgrain.combird to start your subscription today. That's $30 off your first box and free croissants for life when you visit wildgrain.com or you can use promo code bird at checkout.

[Ad Voice]

We heard you. Nine years of bring back the snack wrap and you've won. But maybe you should have asked for more. Say hello to the hot honey snack wrap. Now you've really won. Go to McDonald's and get it while you can. There's a world where legends race across city skylines. Romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms. And there's magic around every corner. It's a world known to many as Great Britain. You've seen the action on screen. Now visit the real star of the show. Visit Great Britain. To discover more, go to tripadvisor.com Great Britain.

[David Farrier]

Does this wellness cult still exist?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

This one does. But it was interesting in that one time when before I left the east coast. I've been out here like 10 years. So my son was like, I don't know, 10 or 11, something like that. We went out to a friend's house who. They're like, I just bought a country, like, cabin, you know, like this family and like his friend's, you know, parents. So we go out there and in the Catskill. So we go out there for the weekend and I'm like, oh, wait a second. We're near this town where the place was. Holy shit. We're right by the ashram. I'm on the way out. We went and went to the ashram to see, and it had a very much like a kind of gray gardens feeling to it where everything was run.

[David Farrier]

Down and it had gotten away on them a bit.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

They closed the doors on the public, right. Like where it used to be very open. Like, we're trying to get as much money in as we can now. I was very close. Like, this white van, like, chased us. I was trying to go up to.

[David Farrier]

The lake where, like, interesting.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And like, you know, it followed us. And I was like, what the hell is going on? So then I go to the store outside of the actual proper premises, and my friend's dad is still working at the store. He's like 80 years old. You know, you're like, it was. It was just interesting.

[David Farrier]

Did he ever take on what was going on in the town?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

No, he was just like, oh, it's nice to see you. Like, you know, you should get in touch with Narayan, you know.

[David Farrier]

Holy shit. That must have been the most surreal kind of memories flowing back moment to visit somewhere like that again.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It was very weird. It was very, very weird.

[David Farrier]

Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So that. That was interesting. Yeah.

[David Farrier]

We should.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I take away, like, probably like my belief system or lack of belief system comes from that whole thing. Right. You know, and the thing I had prepared when I was like, okay, how do I. How do I explain this as American or something like that was the other thing that I took away from this, is that when I started being a musician and I dropped out of college, the thing that you in my family was like, it was like, you need to have a backup career, and that was to be an astrologer. When I was 18, the first time I came to Los Angeles, I came out here to study with this old Indian master astrologer. And I've done it on the side for like, oh, incredible, or something like that. Right. But the thing I'm always telling people, I'm like, I don't really believe this. It's like, this is fun, you know, we don't have to really get into, you know, when people are like, if I go outside, I'm going to die tomorrow. I'm like, it'll be fine. Don't worry about it.

[David Farrier]

So you see it more as just like an interesting practice and a way to communicate and understand the world a little bit.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I mean, I don't know what you see it is. Yeah, I think there's something that sticks with you that's like the archetypal nature of the world sticks with you. And that comes from how I was raised, right?

[David Farrier]

Yeah, Right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And I don't like psychologizing or trying to, like, pretend it's like a science or something like that. It's insane.

[David Farrier]

Yeah. Like.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

But it's a fun art in a way. It's like. It's another way of, like, kind of encapsulating the atmosphere you're in and trying to figure out, like, that. Right?

[David Farrier]

Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So the crazy thing that I brought.

[David Farrier]

That I was at the crazy thing yet.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

No, we're not at the crazy thing. This is the deal. This is the thing I don't really know how to think through, but was that in August 2016? And so a lot of my songs have been about this because something interests me. The United States chart goes into this particularly cultic energy. So if you want to look at it from a political vantage point, more than things shifted. Definitely the thing has shifted. And it's amazing how directly aligned with the first Trump election it is. And much more than him. I mean, he's an example of it, but that underlying cult experience and the inability to. The kind of toxicity of it is this thing that we're going to through as a country and then as a world, really on top of that till like, 2034 or so. Thereabouts. Yeah.

[Rob]

That's how long we have. That's. That was gonna be my first question was.

[David Farrier]

Yeah, when does this shift?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And it shifts the whole time, you know, and like. But. But it is really weird because it is a central energy of. What did I get out of growing up in this stuff? Is this exact thing. What's called. Is this word. It's a foreign word. It's called rahu. The rahu and Ketu are two words that will not, you know, Mars, you know, Mercury, et cetera. Rahu and ketu are these points where the moon's orbit intersects with the Earth's ecliptic plane.

[David Farrier]

Right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So the energy of eclipse. Right. And the reason there's such foreign, odd things is because they actually represent this, like, shadow planets, you know, and it's like this subtle, esoteric energy of life. Like the electricity. Like kind of like David lynch electricity, you know, understanding, just ripping around, just that weirdness. Right. And so, like, Ra is like the vibrant, living side, you know, when you go to, like, a city for the first time and everything's, like, alive and.

[David Farrier]

It'S the same that feeling.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Like that. That feeling is it in its pure form, like, of energy. But then it can have this very negative, kind of crazy toxicity. Destructive quality can also have a very, like a very creative and revolutionary quality. So I think, you know, as we're all living through that, it becomes much more of a revolutionary moment.

[David Farrier]

Yeah. I guess it sounds like this is a way that you can kind of view these chaotic events and kind of make sense of them a little bit when you look at it through that lens.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah. Well, at least it's interesting, you know. Yeah. It gives it sort of like a crazy.

[Rob]

What? An explanation of some sort of why things are gravitating.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Maybe it's an explanation or at least it's like, like something to inhabit. Right. Like. Like one thing you could say with that, like, that I do find, like, useful is like, if you, like, live like, as it is versus how it's supposed to be, then you have a lot more success on a personal level with this energy. So if you're like, okay, this is lost. This is fucked. This is problem. Letting that go and then be like.

[David Farrier]

Okay, what can I do?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

What's uniquely like to this experience today that. What can I do with this? It has a lot of power to it and it gives it this kind of creative, destructive impulse versus just, you.

[David Farrier]

Know, succumbing to it.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

Pushing back.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Right.

[David Farrier]

It's interesting Because I'm. I'm so anti any kind of woo. Like here in la, I'm surrounded by people that are just kind of talking bullshit about astrology constantly.

[Guest or Producer]

It's brutal, deeply annoying.

[David Farrier]

But then a friend of mine explained it to me as well that you can't write it off because for her it's like a way of. It's like a language that gives her a way to like talk to other friends about certain things. And it's like you've got this thing that you inhabit, right? And you can't just sort of write it off because that's how a whole lot of people talk to each other and like understand the world and each other, which I kind of understand. So I, I think I understand what you're saying and I like that you're saying like, it's not a science. It's not like, I'm not going to go outside today because I'm going to get hit by a train because the moon told me.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

No, it's a different thing that's actually antithetical to what it is too. Like I would say the people who do that are just fundamentalist idiots. Yeah, yeah, I agree. Like, I can't handle. I can't be around anybody like woo type thing. That's my problem. That's why I don't do very well. But you know, like, but it's. To me it's very similar. Like I've been hanging out with a lot of like improvisational musicians, like, like that record I brought to you guys. So like a lot of people who like, like this guy Dave Harrington is very much like just seat of the pants guy, like playing that's reminds me a lot more of what I think is interesting about astrology or something like that. It's, it's very improvisational. It's very Creating on the fly in an odd way or. I have a friend who I talked to about music and his career. He talks in Greek myths and he's like, well, he's a real difficult guy, but we can talk about that. And I'm like, okay. We can connect through his kind of mythic understanding of little pieces of his life.

[David Farrier]

Yeah, completely. It's like a viewpoint and a shared kind of reality.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, so that's something like that. There's a weirdness sometimes that you see and sometimes you see people's charts. Like I see like politicians and I'll see like finance people and like a lot of like world bank people and stuff like that. And everyone's like, you see these people who does line up, like, much more occult. Like where. Where you say, oh, on August 1st, what happened to you? And they'd be like, well, you know, my whole family was, you know, killed in a train. You know, like, these really dramatic things.

[David Farrier]

Can't ignore it entirely.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And the thing with the United States chart is very interesting on that level. It really speaks to the essence of, I think, what we're going through in this very strange, toxic, but revolutionary moment. That is odd.

[David Farrier]

So, yeah, it is the weirdest thing. And I've been here for five years now. And it's funny because things are objectively getting stranger at this time. Like, I feel like even your story of growing up and where you grew up, it's. If we're Talking about that 10 years ago, I think it would almost seem weirder. Like, things are so crazy today. You know, all this stuff was mad for you, but it's also not that. Less crazy than everything that's happening right now.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

No, not at all. No, it didn't feel crazy at the time at all. But, yeah, I mean, I know you mean that. Like, when I was a kid, I used to kind of, like, be like. Well, you know, I had to, like, change my name when I was four. Like, my name was like, Shambu. Like, when I came back from Indiana, I'd be like, you guys can't call me that. You gotta call me Peter, you know, because, like, a guru gave you a name.

[Rob]

You know, like, you gotta call me Peter, Matthew.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

That was unfortunate. Yeah.

[David Farrier]

So how did you get into music in that world? When did that happen?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

So I grew up in Washington, D.C. also. I mean, so in the summers, you go up there. Then when I was in, like, high school, I. I got into music, I guess in general. I had not an actual older brother, but a character who was like an older brother. My best friend's older brother played classic rock music when he was like, you know. And then we got. We thought he was really cool. Then he kind of paired us up with his bandmates, cousins, like, younger brothers. He was like, you guys, like, the younger kids who like music. And so then that's basically, like, what the Walkman was. Was.

[David Farrier]

Right?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Like, Hamilton was, like, Walt's cousin and his brother Harry. And, like, so we started, like, another band, like, of the younger kids. And then as we.

[Guest or Producer]

God, it worked out pretty well.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah. And I mean, so. So, like, when I was in high school, so, like, the. The. A lot of the guys who are in the Walkman, they had another band called John that fired her, and they Were like four years older than us and they like moved to New York and got like a record deal and got like ostensibly dream. Like to us it was like the. They were like the Rolling Stones or something at that point, you know, it kind of didn't work. But like. So when we were like 15, we're like, okay, well we're just going to do this and you know, move to New York and start dance and. Holy shit. So that's how we did that.

[David Farrier]

Yeah. When did you leave that craziness?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Oh, the craziness. Probably around 13 or 14, I think. They threw me out. They said I couldn't come back.

[David Farrier]

Oh yeah.

[Rob]

Too much to findable.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I think they had, you know, a guy like I think was. When it's digging ditches, I was like, I'm not going to.

[David Farrier]

I'm over there.

[Rob]

They were like, we can't control him anymore, so there's no point. Did it cause any rift between you and your parents or did they leave at the same time or.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

They left soon after for some reason, but they never. They kind of kept it. But they then from there like, you know, they went into like Tibetan Buddhism. They went into like a lot of like a lot of Chinese, like qigong masters.

[David Farrier]

They're really just trying to find something they're interested.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Kind of do their own thing too, you know, and that now they teach their own type of meditation and you know, it's really like their philosophy is not. I mean, like. Yeah, it makes sense to me. You know, it's pretty open ended and it's very, you know, it's not like they're trying to force something on anyone. Yeah, but it's as interesting. They've always sort of chased that thing. They didn't go to like faith healers and you know, went to like Brazil and you know, all these different. And so like I've learned a lot through that, but I can't say that's necessarily my thing, you know, or something like that.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

Well, look, thank you for coming in and feeding us.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I hope this wasn't too crazy to the listeners.

[David Farrier]

Incredible. You want to play some songs?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Sure, I'll play some songs.

[David Farrier]

Always curious if you can, if there's sort of a particular story behind one of these songs you're about to play or whether it's in the song itself or something around its creation.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Farrier]

Without killing the magic of the song.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I could talk about it for sure.

[Rob]

Enhancing the magic of the song.

[David Farrier]

Enhancing the magic. I always love a bit of mystery, you know.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

But sometimes it's also nice to.

[Rob]

It's gonna be one of the three songs, not all three.

[David Farrier]

Yeah, there'll be two of them. I'm trying to think one Demystified.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

What. So, yeah, this year what I've done is I've put out two songs and I put out this. This odd record too, with my. This was my son and with my friend Dave Harrington, and.

[David Farrier]

Incredible cover, by the way. Thank you.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

It's incredible. Dead currency. So if you take it apart, if you open it, it comes apart. It's like multiple pieces. Very strange. He's a real art piece, the guy who made it. But this was a thing that me and Dave, who's in a band called Darkside, and then he's just like a really incredible musician. He plays. He's on this street. He basically lives on the street. So he plays at all these places here to, like, the wine bar across the street all the time. He plays a show in la, I think, every single night. Very interesting guy, him. And me, my son Otis, Dylan Carlson from this band Earth, which is. He's sort of like the Godfather of, like, doom metal, I would say. Like, I'm really at my alley. Big character in that world. And then this guy Dylan Fujioka playing drums from a band called Meat Bodies. And so we. We hatched this whole plan like, a year or so ago to play a show. And then we wrote the whole record and did it like, in two days. Basically.

[David Farrier]

Incredible.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

This is fun. And it's really heavy.

[David Farrier]

It's hectic.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, it's like a heavy band. Right? Like, and it's all very, like, improvisational. And then I wrote words over it and, you know, kind of in real time. Right. So I did that. And then I did two singles this year that took me fricking forever. So that took like 48 hours to do the whole thing. And then I wrote two songs that.

[David Farrier]

Took labored over forever.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Just. I mean, I don't. Just wasting time, you know, but I am happy how they came out. And the one called the kind of Two Sides of the Same Coin, I guess, you know, they are dealing with, you know, the world that I'm living in. I don't really, you know, everything I do is a little bit like. It's hazy. I'm not like. They're not like political songs or something. But the Doom song is just kind of about the fear of the present moment and the strangeness. And I think as I finished it, like, for the 70th time, that I finished it or whatever and figured out how I actually liked was right at the same time as I was pulling all my music off Spotify. And I think the song sort of resonates with that because it is like a very fear of technology. The reason I pulled this stuff off Spotify is, I mean, yeah, they don't pay you and they rip you off and that's great. I don't really care. It wasn't good. But they now are funding ice ads across the board, which is insane.

[David Farrier]

Oh, bonkers, bonkers.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

But so is YouTube, so is Blah blah. And someone's like, well, what's the difference? Why should I go to Apple Music? They mind.

[David Farrier]

No, but you have to make your move where you feel you can make them.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Exactly. If we can take down the market leader like the 75, 80% of the music industry, if that goes away, then it's a free for all. There's a whole new chaos that really can open a whole new world. And so like yeah, there's other bad guys, but like let's start somewhere. But so that's a big part. But the AI technology, like the guy Daniel Ike. I don't really say that.

[David Farrier]

Sorry.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Daniel Ek. But he has, he. Actually that's a total mispronunciation. I learned today that's okay. But he took all his money from the history of recorded music, like Ella Fitzgerald, Bob Dylan, you know, like just whatever, Chuck Berry. And he put it all into this company called Helsing AI that is like AI weapon system. AI Weapon System, like the liberal Palantir. And you're like cool. That's where the. One of the three greatest things people have done, music. That's what funds that. And that's just. You can't do that. You can't have that in this world. We have to as artists. That's an existential problem for human art. And then you have all the other stuff, the AI art and garbage. But anyway, before all this started, the fact that it had completely devalued, I think anything of worth by having this sort of top down mentality and all these sunny. I've managed a lot of artists and there's always sunny ass young people like hey, I work at Spotify. And you like, God, it's like, I mean the worst people, you know, just like give me a fucking break, you know, and they're robbing you blind on top of it. Like, I mean, because like.

[David Farrier]

But this is all, this is all shit we think about though on podcast land as well, like where we are because we're everywhere at the moment, right? So it's like we're on every platform and like Spotify is part of that.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

And figuring out what to do with that. No, do it. Say whatever. No, no, it's fine.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

But no, these are all discussions that we're having. I mean, I. My other main job is running a newsletter and I was on subs.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

And that's like my main living is made on there.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

I ripped it off Substack recently to go somewhere else because like, Substack has got a bunch of Nazis on there and my, my readers, 10% of what they pay me goes technically to that. Right?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah.

[David Farrier]

But it's this huge thing and it's like every. It's like trying to decide how to live ethically right now. Yeah. In a way that works. And like, it's just fucking hard because that's like a big decision. Pulling your stuff off there is a huge. Is a big pull because like, it's people that will find you as well. And it's that and it's just knowing when to do that is so hard and not admire your move.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I mean, luckily no one listens to my music, so it's fine.

[David Farrier]

Like, or they can buy a beautiful physical object of your music. Thank God. Stay tuned for more Flightless Bird.

[Guest or Producer]

We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Support for Flightless Bird comes from growtherapy. Now, I'm sure you've thought or you've heard someone else say therapy is just way too expensive. Very valid. It used to be the end of the conversation. But what if therapy didn't have to be with grow Therapy care is designed to be affordable, insurance friendly and easy to understand. No subscriptions, just support that fits your life and your budget. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 10th or your 20th or whatever. Grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the US offering both virtual and in person sessions, if that's what you want, nights and weekends. And you can search by what matters to you, like your insurance, specialty, identity or availability, and get started in as little as two days. And if something comes up, you can Cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost to you. No subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session that you have. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. I've found therapy incredibly valuable in my life, especially since being in the United States, where I feel it's more part of the culture here. But wherever you are in the world. Therapy can be a really good thing. Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Visit growththerapy.com bird today to get started. That's growththerapy.com bird growththerapy.com bird availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

[Ad Voice]

This episode is brought to you by Peloton Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread plus. Powered by Peloton iq. With real time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence, helping you reach your goals in less time. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread [e-mail] New Maybelline Serum Lipstick maybe it's not just lipstick. It's lush color with endless possibilities. It's serum infused with a hyaluronic acid and oil blend for eight hour, plumping moisture in tone enhancing shades. It's more than the shade, it's who's wearing it. You New Maybelline Serum Lipstick maybe it's Maybelline.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

As I try to convince people now who actually make a lot of money on Spotify, which is what I'm going to try to do on some level, just on a personal level, it's harder to be like, yeah, you know how you made like 500 grand last year on Spotify? Like you should pull your off there. You know, like I understand that.

[David Farrier]

Like because they're feeding their. Their what?

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Their whole world. Right. You know, but like I, I don't care. Good. Like, because it was like whatever. I'm done with making records for. For public. I don't even care. I just, just like on a personal. Like me, Peter Bauer, you know, like the Walkman. They keep their stuff on. I would take it off personally but.

[David Farrier]

That'S, you know the discussion with a Quaker other people. Yeah.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Quaker thing where it's a 50 vote for anything like that to happen. So maybe hopefully someday soon we'll see. But for me, get rid of it. That's great. To me it's like, you know that band Deerhoof? I do that. Like so that guy, Greg Sonier, I think his name, I don't know but I just was reading because he's very active in that world.

[David Farrier]

Yes.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And the one thing he said really stuck with me is saying no to Your own destruction can be fun. I'll say. Like, saying no to your own destruction can be fun. And I think that's a great way of looking at it because, yeah, you don't have to, like, you're not trying to stop everything in this. Oh, I'm just pulling this stuff off this site. But it's a great. Just jumping off point for a lot of things.

[David Farrier]

Just rewiring how you think about things and how you run your life.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Do I miss this? Like, no, I don't miss. I don't. Do I miss, like, asking some dirt bag for a playlist on Spotify? Like, no, like, I don't. I don't want to know about that. That's like, that already degraded me to the point of like, you know, like, you're just trying to, like, find some moxie or something, you know, like, I don't need this in my life, you know? And, like, and it feels really good. And so that song Doom, in a weird way is actually about that. The video I made for it, which I don't make a lot of videos, but I do like to download things off YouTube and cut them together.

[David Farrier]

Like a fun rework existing just like.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

A weird sort of stoner mentality without. I'm not a stoner, but I just do it for like, it took like 40,000 hours to make it. But it's all these like intricate. Like the dog robots.

[David Farrier]

Oh, yes.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

And then there's like the stupid Tesla robots and little things, sort of like a narrative about that cut together with like, things that I love most in the world. Like, you know, there's like footage of like Johnny cash and the B52s and Jeff.

[David Farrier]

Incredibly human. Beautiful moments.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, just the sort of.

[David Farrier]

The stuff that's just getting stuff that's being shoved onto us right now.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Right. And it's actually kind of like, I meant to make it funny. And then it's sort of. I was like, you know, this is actually like, I'm definitely not a filmmaker, but I was like, this is pretty good. And so I'm very proud of the video for what it was.

[David Farrier]

Okay, great. Where can people watch that? I'm sure on YouTube.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I think it has like 40 views maybe.

[David Farrier]

Okay. All the best stuff is.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

But anyway, I think it's kind of neat for what it is. But I do like the song because I think it hopefully has at least the ethos of sticking up for yourself and whatever happens in my little weird.

[David Farrier]

Ass way that so doom. And it took about 70 hours to get it right.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Yeah, I Mean, I don't know. You know, I think that I kind of just sometimes with my solo music especially, I find it comforting to work on. So then I overwork things. But I think I've gotten very good at also having the mentality of when I do work with other people or just, like, jumping in and not thinking about anything at all and hopefully getting things done really fast. So I think it's okay that it took so long, but it's probably just for the sake of taking it easy, hanging out. Hanging out with Pro tools.

[David Farrier]

Thank you for sharing it with us. Looking forward to it. And thank you again to your wonderful wife.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Oh, yeah.

[David Farrier]

And this wonderful dish. Holy shit.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

All right. Thank you. Thanks for having me. It's really fun. This one is called Doom. Do you want to tell. You want to come?

[David Farrier]

Okay.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Five, one. One, two, three.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

Doing what you're doing Taking it too high. Listening to music as things fall apart One for the modern world One for the sea of pain I turn my camera on the breaking waves. And I went out walking Streets all stay the same I walk to the.

[David Farrier]

Morning.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

It came like a pale blue.

[Guest or Producer]

Flame.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Doom's coming down.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

We'Ll run for the hills and I know it's soon.

[David Farrier]

Now.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

It gives me the chill. And I went out dancing into a heavy hiss Oh, I went out dancing Reminds me the world exists.

[Ad Voice]

Dunes coming.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

Down no reason to stay and I find it strange now you see another way.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

We good? All right, here we go. This is called Knife Fighter. All right, hold on. This is called Night Fighter.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

Drunk in the morning sun that woman. The shadows fade across my face Long way down below the rainbow.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

Wait for.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

The voices speak our names. There is no rest along this journey and your love must be sincere.

[David Farrier]

When.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

I was young and not so lonely Once I knew that loving felt no fear. I had a dream in a mirror we're wandering some faraway place I am no stranger to a stranger oblivion in search of grace. I found you in a blow theater the lights are dim across your face you speak the truth like a knife fighter Cut like a shining steely blade. All the words I come to me I followed you through the streets so easy watch for the wheels are turning Found the sound and the fires burning case around. I had a dream in the mirror we're wandering some faraway place I had a dream in the mirror no heaven just a shiny steel blade.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

We just figured out how to do this this morning. So this song is called Gold Paint for blue sky. Maybe like this.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

When I was young and stronger voice I stumbled and I fell say it now why you came from the streets to the funeral and now I always thought we had this say it now while you can Whenever it once seems to through everything. Tell me a story how we fell in love Gold paint for the blue.

Skies above Old Old saints in the chapel Old friends you forgive oh, did.

You sing your true song when they were coming for you Kin and I.

Wait and I wait and I wait for you there.

Say it now why you can.

[David Farrier]

When.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

Everyone sees through everything. I used to know what mattered but I forgot oh, I forgot.

[Peter Matthew Bauer]

I used.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

To know what mattered but I forgot oh, I forgot Old saints in the.

Chapel Old friends before you.

[Guest or Producer]

Did you.

[Peter Matthew Bauer (singing)]

Sing your true song when they were coming for you K and I wait.

And I wait and I wait for.

You did oh, did you sing your true song? I did, I did I always did. I did, I did, I always did. Oh, did you sing your true song? I did, I did, I always did.