Podcast Summary: Flipping Tables – Episode 30

Title: Beyond the Veil & Death with Dignity with Britna Savarese
Host: Monte Mader
Guest: Britna Savarese (Dallas Death Doula)
Date: August 27, 2025

Overview

This episode of Flipping Tables explores our cultural, spiritual, and practical relationships with death. Host Monte Mader, in conversation with guest Britna Savarese, a Dallas-based death doula, unpacks how ancient and modern societies honor the dying, the ways in which religious upbringing shapes our fears of death, and practical steps for end-of-life dignity and preparation. Britna shares insights from her personal and professional journey, highlights common regrets of the dying, and offers guidance for listeners seeking to live—and die—with intention and agency.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Historical Death Traditions and Cultural Attitudes

[00:00–10:55]

• Monte introduces the episode with reflections on how ancient civilizations handled death:

  • Ancient Egypt: Saw death as a process involving the ka (life force), ba (personality), and akh (transfigured spirit). Elaborate rituals and mummification were about ensuring safe passage to the afterlife.

    "Mummification wasn't just about preservation... It was a magical sacred process to make sure that the ka could find its way back to the body." – Monte [06:01]

  • Mesopotamia: The afterlife (Irkalla/Sheol) was universal, essentially “the pit,” where all souls went, regardless of goodness. Importance of lamentation and ritual wailing to help the dead rest.
  • Ancient Israel: Quick burials, family tombs, professional wailing women—rituals of loud, public grief.
  • Dogon of Mali (Africa): Death as a transition to ancestorhood, celebrated with communal mask dances and ritual specialists.

• Continuity into Today: These historic roles—guides for the dying—are precursors to today's death doulas.

2. The Role and Function of a Death Doula

[11:39–14:20]

• Britna defines her work:
  • Non-medical support for terminally ill people and families: end-of-life planning, advance directives, grief support, vigil sitting, ritual guidance.
  • Focus on destigmatizing death, discussing its reality openly.
  • Emphasizes respect for identity, culture, and autonomy.
• Cultural resistance to talking about death and sitting with grief is a recurring problem.

3. Personal Journeys: Entering Deathwork and Handling Grief

[14:20–21:04]

• Britna’s origin story:
  • Early exposure to death in a small-town funeral home.
  • Intended to be a mortician, but found it unfulfilling.
  • Discovered the death doula path via Alua Arthur’s work and found her calling.
  • Developed coping mechanisms—like the door threshold ritual—to keep others’ grief from overwhelming her personally.

    "When I'm entering a room, I touch the threshold of the door, and that's kind of my tactile notice to myself: leave your baggage in the hallway. They don't need it." – Britna [17:58]

4. Religious Upbringing, Fear of Death, and Deconstruction

[21:04–26:31]

• Both Monte and Britna were raised Southern Baptist, sharing trauma of early and intense fear of hell.
• Monte highlights how threats of eternal punishment in childhood foster death anxiety.

  “It’s kind of abusive… to threaten and intimidate a small child into this belief system with this threat of eternal punishment.” – Monte [22:45]

• Britna learned to respect all clients’ backgrounds—unless their beliefs clash fundamentally with her core values (e.g., “if I walk in and you've got a Trump flag... I'm not helping you.” – Britna [26:01])

5. Regrets of the Dying and Lessons for Living

[26:41–33:37]

• Discussion of Bronnie Ware’s Top Five Regrets of the Dying:
  1. “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself.”
  2. “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.”
  3. “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”
  4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
  5. “I wish I had let myself be happier.”
• Britna affirms these as universal among her clients, who value relationships, small joys, and open expression more than achievements.
• Monte reflects on how her father’s early death shaped her pursuit of true passions.

  "If I go tomorrow, what is the one thing I would have wished I would have done?" – Monte [34:09]

6. Practical End-of-Life Preparation

[35:56–38:08]

• Britna notes most people are wildly unprepared for death: wills, passwords, medical wishes, arrangements.
• She hosts end-of-life planning parties and highlights the special challenges faced by queer, disabled, and polyamorous people, whose identities or chosen families may be ignored by institutions.

  "You can’t have a dignified end if people don’t know those things. And it’s also just such a beautiful gift to give your loved ones." – Britna [36:44]

7. Spiritual and Paranormal Experiences at the End

[41:55–49:48]

• Common phenomena: patients refer to “getting ready for a trip,” reach out to unseen presences, experience a “second wind” before dying.
• On the afterlife:

  “I like to think that at the moment of passing… your soul just—an orgasmic explosion of glitter and energy out into the universe.” – Britna [43:12]

• Hopes and anxieties about the "life review" reported in near-death experiences.
• Monte and Britna touch on the importance of both spiritual openness and grounded practical action.

8. Death With Dignity, Medical Aid, and Legal/Ethical Debates

[51:39–61:13]

• Britna advocates for “medical aid in dying” (correct term, vs. "assisted suicide")—the right for terminally ill people to control their death.

  “We have such compassion for our ill pets and we don't want them to suffer... We don't have that same compassion with our loved ones.” – Britna [51:39]

• Only a limited number of U.S. states allow this option, and many force the dying to suffer or resort to “voluntarily stopping eating and drinking.”
• Partnership with hospice: death doulas fill the emotional and logistical gaps, allowing hospice staff to focus on medical care.

9. Death Doulas in Society & The Growth of the Profession

[62:05–66:42]

• Historically, non-family death guides were common, often women (who were later persecuted as witches).
• The profession is growing and diversifying: more men, trans people, and younger folks entering the field.
• Death Collective North Texas is highlighted as a resource and support network.

10. Lessons for the Living, and Death in the Next Generation

[66:42–74:24]

• Britna’s main lessons for listeners:
  • Don’t fear talking about death—it doesn’t “manifest” it.
  • Make your plans and communicate them; it’s a gift to those you leave behind.
• Death Cafés as support spaces for open death/grief conversation, especially among young people.

  “We’ve known since the first day of school that we could die at any moment. Somebody could come in and shoot us. We’ve prepared for it.” – Young Death Café attendee, quoted by Britna [70:55]

11. Resources, Books, and Final Reflections

[76:38–end]

• Recommended books:
  • Beautifully Perfectly Human by Alua Arthur
  • The Beginner’s Guide to the End
• Death Cafés for community discussion.
• Encourages listeners to find a local death doula or participate in community planning events.
• Closing reflections on grief as evidence of love and the importance of living with both joy and intention.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Britna on supporting the grieving:

  “Fuck platitudes. They do nothing but help the person saying it, and it does nothing for the person grieving… Just say, ‘that fucking sucks. I’m so sorry about your loss. Why don’t you tell me about your loved one?’” [14:20]

• Monte on childhood religious fear:

  “It’s kind of abusive, like to kind of threaten and intimidate a small child into this belief system… with this threat of eternal punishment.” [22:45]

• Britna on the profession:

  “Working with a doula is very much like finding a spouse. You probably don’t want to marry the very first person you go on a date with.” [65:43]

• On grief and love:

  “Grief is hard, but it’s so beautiful, Monty, because it comes from such a space of love and respect. And you generally don’t grieve something you did not love.” – Britna [19:13]

• On living well:

  “The more you think about death and talk about death… it makes you live a better, more rewarding and fulfilling life because you know it’s such a short, finite amount of time.” – Britna [30:46]

• Young attendee on school shootings:

  “We've known since the first day of school that we could die at any moment. Somebody could come in and shoot us dead. We've prepared for it.” — shared by Britna [70:55]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Topic | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–10:55 | Ancient death traditions and their impact | | 11:39–14:20 | What is a death doula? | | 14:20–21:04 | Britna’s journey and ritual for emotional boundaries | | 21:04–26:31 | Religious upbringing and the fear of death | | 26:41–33:37 | Regrets of the dying, what really matters | | 35:56–38:08 | Preparation gaps and end-of-life wishes | | 41:55–49:48 | Energetic/Spiritual experiences near death | | 51:39–61:13 | Medical aid in dying & legal/ethical questions | | 62:05–66:42 | The role and resurgence of doulas, networks, and tradition | | 66:42–74:24 | Lessons and stories from Britna & Death Cafés for all ages | | 76:38–84:15 | Books, resources, and final practical guidance |

Final Thoughts

This episode is a compassionate, deeply honest guide to the realities of death—how we prepare for it, how we honor it, and how our cultural and personal histories influence our experiences. With practical wisdom, moving anecdotes, and a gentle humor, Monte and Britna invite listeners to deconstruct their fear of death, prepare for their own passing, and, ultimately, to find more meaning and joy in their living.

Find Britna Savarese (“Dallas Death Doula”):

• Dallas Death Doula (online presence and resources)
• Death Collective North Texas, Death Cafés in Dallas

For support, conversations, or to find a death doula near you, search for local “Death Collective” organizations or Death Cafés in your area.

Host Contact:

• Montemader.com | info@montemader.com