Bill Maher

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade: Episode Featuring Bill Maher

Release Date: January 8, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Fly on the Wall" presented by Audacy, Dana Carvey and David Spade delve deep into the world of comedy, showbiz anecdotes, and their longstanding friendship with Bill Maher. Joined by guest Jason Baker, the trio navigates through a myriad of topics ranging from the nuances of Airbnb stays to the intricacies of award shows like the Golden Globes. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for context.

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1. Reflections on Airbnb vs. Hotels

The episode kicks off with Dana reminiscing about a memorable Airbnb experience, highlighting its advantages over traditional hotels.

• Dana Carvey [00:00]: "I went down the memory lane on an Airbnb I occupied once, and it was... Awesome. It's clean, it was tidy, it was beautiful. It was private. Great big kitchen right next to a forest. What's not to like, David?"

• David Spade [00:19]: "You check that box saying, I'd like to be near a forest. That's a good thing. A lot of people like Airbnb because you can do that."

They discuss the flexibility and privacy that Airbnbs offer, contrasting them with the impersonal nature of hotels where interactions with strangers in hallways and elevators are inevitable.

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2. Conversations About Bill Maher

A significant portion of the episode centers around Bill Maher, exploring his career, personality, and impact on the comedy landscape.

• Dana Carvey [02:29]: "Bill always has something interesting to say, and he talks about honesty is sort of his superpower. He's very, you know, he's blunt."

Dana shares her history with Maher, mentioning appearances on his shows like "Politically Incorrect" in the '90s and their mutual connections from the improv and Comedy Store scenes.

• David Spade [03:27]: "He's had basically the same job since 1993. It's unbelievable."

They marvel at Maher's consistency and the longevity of his show, noting his impressive tally of Emmy nominations.

• Dana Carvey [03:40]: "I did a few Dennis Miller impressions, which he loves."

David recounts a humorous interaction where Maher playfully mocked him for asking a genuine question, highlighting the relaxed and teasing rapport between them.

• David Spade [03:40]: "Always a hit, always a home run. I tried to ask a real question toward the end, and he made fun of me."

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3. The Dynamics of the Golden Globes

The hosts transition to discussing the Golden Globes, offering a critical take on the nature of award shows.

• Dana Carvey [22:49]: "The Golden Globes, I think it's an ongoing thing of, like, how many people have seen the movies. That's a problem."

• Jason Baker [23:00]: "I thought it was a tutorial in why Trump won the election."

They critique the awards for favoring commercial success over genuine cinematic merit, pointing out how certain performances and films receive disproportionate praise regardless of their actual impact or quality.

• Dana Carvey [25:08]: "There's nothing like it. That's why Sebastian really stood out to me 10 years ago when he came out Manuscul and was just funny."

The conversation touches on specific nominees and winners, expressing skepticism about the relevance and authenticity of the awards.

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4. Navigating Comedy Careers and Auditions

Jason Baker shares his personal journey through the challenging landscape of sitcom auditions, offering insights into the competitive nature of the industry.

• Jason Baker [54:43]: "I was in the office creep. So that's."

Dana and David reminisce about their own auditions, detailing the often-overwhelming experience of meeting multiple actors for a single role and the high stakes involved in landing a part.

• David Spade [51:35]: "That's how he told me. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, how did you ruin that?"

The trio discusses the fine balance between being memorable and avoid overplaying one's cards during auditions, emphasizing the importance of keeping content fresh and engaging.

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5. Aging and Its Impact on Comedy

A candid conversation unfolds about aging within the comedy scene, addressing how perceptions shift as comedians grow older.

• Jason Baker [55:45]: "We're squares and everything's bad and we ruined the world. But, you know, they're not saying no to the money. I notice."

• Dana Carvey [56:01]: "Anybody in our age group... I'm grandpa age. You don't feel like technically I'm old enough to be the Marcelo's."

They explore the challenges older comedians face in staying relevant amidst a new generation that favors emotional depth and relatability over traditional punchline-driven humor.

• Jason Baker [67:00]: "That's all that is."

The discussion underscores a generational gap in comedy styles, with older hosts advocating for humor that elicits strong physical reactions ("I think people really still, when they go out to see A comedy show. They want their stomach to hurt at the end of it.") versus younger audiences' preference for emotionally satisfying content.

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6. Personal Anecdotes: From Poverty to Success

The hosts delve into their personal histories, sharing stories of their early struggles before finding success in the entertainment industry.

• Jason Baker [60:52]: "I was really poor from college. Really freshman year of college until I moved out here. I would say I really experienced what poverty was."

Dana and David recount their own humble beginnings, emphasizing the resilience and determination required to transition from challenging living conditions to lucrative careers.

• Dana Carvey [61:18]: "That's A good character. You should do that. I like that guy."

These narratives provide a raw and authentic glimpse into the often grueling path to success in comedy, highlighting the importance of perseverance.

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7. The Business Side of Showbiz

Discussions also touch upon the financial aspects of a comedy career, including salaries from early jobs and the economic realities of sustaining a career in entertainment.

• Jason Baker [48:52]: "Right, the rent I was paying... It started out at 250, 250 in 1980 or 79 or something."

• Dana Carvey [65:15]: "And then how many years after your first set did you make a living as a stand up? How long did it take you?"

The conversation sheds light on the financial challenges comedians face, from low initial earnings to the eventual steady income from successful gigs and television appearances.

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8. Satirical Takes on Society and Entertainment

Throughout the episode, Dana, David, and Jason engage in satirical commentary on societal norms, entertainment culture, and the evolving landscape of media consumption.

• David Spade [37:55]: "What is the brutalist about?"

• Jason Baker [38:10]: "Another reason why Trump won because these people think unlimited open borders is what we should."

Their sharp wit and observational humor provide a critical lens on current events, politics, and the entertainment industry's role in shaping public perception.

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9. Closing Thoughts and Future Prospects

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts reflect on their experiences and the future of comedy, expressing a desire to continue pushing boundaries while staying true to their comedic roots.

• Dana Carvey [72:16]: "I'm gonna miss you."

• Jason Baker [72:22]: "Enjoyed it. Talk to you soon."

They emphasize the importance of authenticity and maintaining the ability to laugh without constantly checking the clock, underscoring their commitment to genuine and unfiltered humor.

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Notable Quotes

• Dana Carvey [00:00]: "What's not to like, David?"

• David Spade [00:19]: "A lot of people like Airbnb because you can do that."

• Dana Carvey [02:29]: "He's very, you know, he's blunt."

• Jason Baker [55:45]: "We're squares and everything's bad and we ruined the world."

• Jason Baker [60:52]: "I really experienced what poverty was."

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This episode of "Fly on the Wall" masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes, industry insights, and sharp critiques, offering listeners a comprehensive look into the lives of Dana Carvey, David Spade, and their guest Jason Baker. Their candid discussions about Bill Maher, the challenges of aging in comedy, and the ever-evolving landscape of showbiz provide both humor and thoughtful commentary, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Dana Carvey]

I went down the memory lane on an Airbnb I occupied once, and it was. I'll just say it. Awesome. It's clean, it was tidy, it was beautiful. It was private. Great big kitchen right next to a forest. What's not to like, David?

[David Spade]

You check that box saying, I'd like to be near a forest. That's a good thing. A lot of people like Airbnb because you can do that. You can say, hey, I want to place with a pickleball court. You know, and they can find.

[Dana Carvey]

You can be in town, you can be in the suburbs, you can be in the country. I mean, you can have a pool. You cannot have a pool. I mean, the benefits of Airbnb are just the flexibility of it. Yeah. And the locations and privacy compared to hotels.

[David Spade]

Listen, hotels are fine, and that's great. But sometimes I think if you get into an Airbnb and you see the convenience and all the things, you don't have to walk by people in the hallway and nod gets on the elevator and talk about the weather, so you realize that it might really be more tailored for you, and it turns into the perfect accommodation. Whether you're with family, friends, whatever. You're on your own. You know, consider Airbnb for your next adventure. I don't think you'll regret the switch.

[Bill Maher]

Where'd you get those shoes?

[Dana Carvey]

Easy.

[Bill Maher]

They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between, because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com Bill Maher.

[David Spade]

Good friend of mine and yours, Dana, has a great show. A lot of opinions, talks about a lot of interesting things. And one thing on the side note I didn't tell him is a lot of times on Twitter, they have just snippets of the show from the night before. And so I get to watch little chunks if I do miss it. And that's kind of a. That's kind of a plus because I get to see a little snip of, like, here's what he thought about this. Here's an interview with this. So, but great time all just bunch of comedians cracking up again, as usual. I like that.

[Dana Carvey]

A lot of laughs in this one. And, you know, and he talks about his early days, a little bit, stuff like that. And we talk about the Golden Globes.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, we did get into just.

[Dana Carvey]

Just on. And. And Bill always has something interesting to say, and he talks about honesty is sort of his. His superpower. He's very. You know, he's blunt. But I. I was on his Show in the 90s a bunch of times Politically Incorrect. I haven't been on real time as much, but we've known him a long time. We, meaning comedians, all know each other from the Improv and Comedy Store. Go back.

[David Spade]

He's had basically the same job since 1993. It's unbelievable.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I don't know how much time off, but basically, it's just a connected thing.

[David Spade]

It's a straight run of a hit show. Yeah. Just whatever version of it, but it's all about the same version. It's. It's bananas. And. Yep, he's been up for 40 Emmys.

[Dana Carvey]

That's how we put 40 Emmy nominations is an achievement in itself.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Crazy.

[Dana Carvey]

That's extraordinary. And he talks. He was going to be a sitcom actor. We talk about that in the 80s, and then how we. How he evolved as a comic, and. And then we just goof around and do a lot of stuff. I did a few Dennis Miller impressions, which he loves.

[David Spade]

Always a hit, always a home run. I tried to ask a real question toward the end, and he made fun of me. So remember that? He goes, who wrote that question? I go, bill.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah, that sounds like a producer. And then Greg was turning bright red. I could see in the.

[David Spade]

It wasn't. I was just wanting to say, God, you say so much on your show. What could they do? They ever just say, stay away from that? Because, you know, a lot of these talk shows are like, do not talk about this. Do not talk about that.

[Dana Carvey]

He's got a pretty. Pretty big leash. But there's a couple times certain things got a little controversial. You guys can look it up. You can look it up.

[David Spade]

Yeah. All right. Well, let's let him hear it. We had a really good time with Billy Mar.

[Dana Carvey]

Bill Maher.

[Jason Baker]

Which one is Jason Baker?

[Dana Carvey]

You're our third. This is when Club Random. And. And this one goes under. This is our podcast. Let's. Let's get. Let's get our chemistry together now.

[Jason Baker]

That would be awesome. Okay, we're on. Because I don't like to waste any of my charm talking to you guys when we're not actually on.

[Dana Carvey]

We're recording. Everything's recorded. And this dude.

[David Spade]

I do phone or interviews. Bill, Just this Part of it, but everybody. And then they go, hey, zoo crew. And I go, okay. They go, how you been, Dan? How you been, David? You got a big show coming up. And I go, yeah. And they go, first time in Denver. And I go, no, I've been there. They're like, honk, honk. And then they go. And then after I'm exhausted, they go, okay, we're going to put you on in about two minutes. We're going to patch you in.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Wait, wait, this isn't it. What the going.

[Dana Carvey]

And then you hear them talking about you. It's. It's very creepy. I don't like. Did you love doing morning radio during your early days, right, Bill?

[Jason Baker]

Early days? Yeah. Very early. I haven't done that. I mean, that's one thing I, I have on my list of things. Wait, wait, I have a list because I'm not. I, I'm. I just did my. Probably my last stand up show. Impossible and that. No, no, no. That's my special.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. Is anyone else seeing this on HBO this Friday? Because we're out Wednesday.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So. But I, you know, among the things that I will not miss with Fartman and Jack, right.

[Dana Carvey]

Fart man. That was. That was Howard. Howard Stern.

[Jason Baker]

Well, whatever, you know.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Tommy and the Bull. There was always a guy and an animal. Tommy and the Bull.

[Jason Baker]

Right. I mean, David Spade is much more of a warrior than I am. I mean, he will still do that and do any sort of show anywhere. I mean, he'll do it outside for parking garages. He's just amazing.

[David Spade]

Yeah, because my manager's name is Mark Gervitz.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, mine.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's a nice little run.

[David Spade]

Spade likes money. Dana doesn't like money.

[Jason Baker]

Well, it doesn't make me do it and not making me do it anymore. I mean, I will miss it and I love it. But you know, there's a. There's a time it's better to leave a party a little early than a little late, I feel. And that's, you know, among the things I will not miss, it's that those talking to. I mean, some. I've done many newspaper interviews, but who the fuck reads a newspaper anymore with people who are actually quite bright and pleasant to talk to. But the Morning Zoo guys, no, that, that's just outrageous.

[Dana Carvey]

What's the main thing they would ask you that was. Would be annoying or assume something about you? The real Bill Maher, you know that.

[Jason Baker]

I have a thing for black women or something like that.

[Dana Carvey]

Insane. Well, who Doesn't I?

[Jason Baker]

Course I, I love every woman.

[Dana Carvey]

Just.

[Jason Baker]

It's ridiculous to like say I have some sort of fetish, but that, that they're not interested in the things I'm interested in, which are, you know, politics and what's really going on and something with a little intellectual nutrition to it. They want to talk about stupid like that.

[David Spade]

Nutrition.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

They go, bill, when you get on the phone, there's. You're going to hear a robot voice. That's our sidekick. You're going to hear a parakeet and then you're going to hear Bobo. He's in for zip zip.

[Dana Carvey]

He's an animatronic monkey. Don't be. Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

Oh, I've done it all.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

We were just saying that some of these corporate gigs are kind of fun because you go out there, they're not.

[Dana Carvey]

Super fun, but they can be okay.

[David Spade]

They can be okay. I think we all do those and no, thank you. No, no, no, you don't do those anymore.

[Jason Baker]

Again, may I reiterate. You're such more of a warrior than I am. You'll do anything I'll do, only I would. I. Yeah, I get offered these corporate gigs and I don't do. I've been there. It's true. I've been, I've been there enough to know what the problem is here. There, there's corporations, right? And they have a corporate mentality, which I do not. Okay, so right away the premises are not going to please them. I'm a pot smoking atheist. I'm just wrong to begin with for this crowd. So if they don't love the premise, they're probably not going to like the joke. Now, there's some stuff, especially in the last five, 10 years when the left has gone off the deep end, that I do plenty of stuff that will make conservatives laugh because the left deserves it also now, but corporate gigs, I remember when I did a few of them. Here's the problem. Somebody on the entertainment committee is my fan. So they're like, let's get Bill Maher here. Everybody will love him. Well, everybody won't love him in the company. You do. And you think everybody in the company is so fucking hip. They always, when I say no, oh, no, our company is different. No, it's not. You think, think the company is hampered and it's full of a bunch of hip people, but it's not. It's full of a bunch of insurance salesmen and they're going to make my life miserable and there's no amount of money that can make that. You know, when you're this age, every day has to be a good day. And a day when I'm talking to a bunch of corporate people at noon is not a good day.

[Dana Carvey]

Is this true, Bill? Because I. I've been doing corporates for a long time. Not as many as I used to. And that's why they pay you so much, because they know it's difficult. But they did say to you, and they didn't say this in a snarky way, they go, well, Bill is. Bill is different. And we said, bill, you know, no F bombs, okay? And then apparently Bill went up there and said, how the fuck is everybody doing tonight? Which I. Then I loved you even more because that's what you all want. We all want to do. But then, you know.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, the last one, the last one I did, you know, the guy from the corporation is the one who introduces you and does your intro and sometimes tries to be funny. And my opening line was, jesus Christ, that guy was fucking terrible. Because he was. And they all laugh because they know it too. But it's just. See, you can do it, Dana, because you're not doing stuff that's going to offend either side. You know, you could do your genius.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I'm a. I'll do just impressions. I mean, I don't care. I'll just be the. You know, I would do a corporate date that's specific to that, you know.

[Jason Baker]

And even when you do, like your brilliant Joe Biden, which I loved every week.

[Dana Carvey]

And come on, more people today make more bills and they're not going to be able to get my bills back. Where am I? What's going on?

[Jason Baker]

And I love.

[David Spade]

Good.

[Dana Carvey]

Joey, go ahead.

[Jason Baker]

I love what David was on when you were the church lady, too. That was great to see you guys together.

[Dana Carvey]

We wanted. From the beginning, we thought. I thought. And David thought that'd be funny if he just played Hunter Biden. We don't know why it was just David as Hunter Biden. And then the opportunity came up and it ended up being not Biden, you know, Joe Biden with Hunter Biden. But it was. We got him on there. It was great.

[David Spade]

Now, I was always curious to why they never had anyone play Hunter Biden. They sort of.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[David Spade]

It was just sort of ripe for the pickings. I thought it may be a hot tub talk show where they have guests and girls and, you know.

[Jason Baker]

Well, if you want to get into that. And I know this.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we can. We can say anything. We have editing capability in case Anyone?

[David Spade]

Funny you say, but I pinched a hunter.

[Dana Carvey]

Joe. Yeah, let's. Let's end a career today, shall we?

[Jason Baker]

No, but as far as, like, you mentioned, like, why didn't they do that? How about, why didn't they make fun of Kamala's husband when he got me, too? Like, it's. It is amazing the way this country is so partisan, including in the media and the entertainment parts of it, that when something happens for your team that's bad, it's like, you know, it's like the angel of death just flying over the house on Passover. Like, we don't see a thing here because, you know, Doug Emhoff was credibly accused of things that other people have been accused of.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And that wasn't plastered everywhere.

[Jason Baker]

It was. Well, it was certainly out there.

[Dana Carvey]

It was.

[David Spade]

Yeah. No, I'm saying.

[Jason Baker]

And. And, you know, again, it was as credible as many other accusations I've heard, you know, but somehow it was just Andy Samberg as. Oh, funny. Kind of dorky Doug, and it's just wrong, you know, if you're going to make fun of people, go, go. Both sides. Don't. Don't play that game. I don't like that.

[Dana Carvey]

I was surprised in many ways that, you know, I was ready when I first did Biden out there. I just thought, you know, because he'd been a hot oven for a long time, to what line are you making fun of? Dementia or whatever? So I was ready for a heckler in the live audience, and I was ready to say, get your facts straight, Jack. I had a. I had a comeback just in case, but they went for it because I guess he wasn't running anymore. But the rules all changed after Biden was no longer the nominee. They became a lot looser with it. So I caught a lucky wave, I think.

[Jason Baker]

Well, also, nobody else really got how to make them funny. And so they had to go. They had to go to the bullpen. They had to go to the old school, old cast member to. Had to bring in.

[Dana Carvey]

Bring in the old horse. I was like, the guy from the 80s is gonna come back.

[David Spade]

Secretariat's running.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, but I thought the toys were all there to pick up. And by the way. And guess what? The fact of the matter is, I thought they were all there and that the. The whisper and the yelling. Guess what? I wrote the bill because I know how to write bills, but I get. No one did them, so I. I took them up.

[Jason Baker]

It was all there. But that's always the case with comedy, isn't it? When you hear some guy or woman do a great joke and you go, oh, yeah, that observation was there for.

[David Spade]

Me to make right in front of me.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

That's why you don't want to watch comedians, right? I mean, you don't watch a lot of stuff because of that. Correct, I assume.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, yeah. It's a busman's holiday. And also most of them are not funny enough to make me LOL like you guys do. So, you know, if there's no LOL in it for me, you know, I mean, it's. Sometimes it's relevant or it's, you know, breaking new ground. I don't give a about that. It's like a, you know, a record review. When an album comes out and they like write, it's like, is the good, Is the music good? Do I care that this is changing music? First of all, it's not. There's so many notes and they're doing it. I, I just want to feel good. Okay. I'm just the young man in the 22nd row.

[Dana Carvey]

There's nothing like it. That's why Sebastian really stood out to me 10 years ago when he came out Manuscul and was just funny. I mean, right?

[Jason Baker]

I mean, no, there's lots of funny people out there now, but there's also a lot of like, oh, this is really, you know, emotionally satisfying.

[David Spade]

Okay, well, not really specials, you see and you go, is this a stand up comedy special? And it's more like a therapy session or something.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[David Spade]

Okay, this is different.

[Jason Baker]

That's what I'm talking about. And look, this is. There are people watching this now saying, oh, these three old guys.

[David Spade]

Yeah, these are idiots.

[Dana Carvey]

And our day, it was so much better.

[Jason Baker]

They don't get it. No, we get it. I get what you're doing. It's just we have a different. We were raised at a different time. Look, I could sugarcoat it, but we're tougher and we're not even that tough. We're just tougher than. We're not marines or anything. Yeah. You know, we're baby, we're baby boomers. They thought we were soft and weak, but compared to the generation that came after us. And so they like all this, like, stuff that's about emotions and emo and feeling good and sharing and, you know, feeling safe. You know, to us it's like, can we just have the jokes? We're just here to have that feel. And I don't think that's ever going to change. I think people really still, when they go out to see A comedy show. They want their stomach to hurt at the end of it. That's what I've always tried to do.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you have a. The. The. Jeff Altman came up a while back. I think it was with Leno. Just where are those guys? I mean, just big funny extroverts just being ridiculous. Bruce Babyman, bomb.

[Jason Baker]

Can I tell you a Jeff Altman's story for the millions of people?

[Dana Carvey]

First, explain who Jeff Altman was. Pink lady and Jeff.

[Jason Baker]

You. You do that? I.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. He's a comedian, 80s 90s, on Letterman A lot. And he's just a big, funny, silly. Always made me laugh.

[Jason Baker]

Fred Silverman, who at the time was the biggest mocker in tv, I guess was NBC. He gave him a show when he was kind of an unknown comic.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[Jason Baker]

Called Pink lady and Jeff. And it was Jeff with two young Japanese women who, I'm not sure spoke English, maybe was the joke. I don't know. You know, what you could do back then with people of a different ethnicity than you who didn't speak English was unlimited. So I could have been any. But it would lasted like two shows. And that was bad for him, and it wasn't really his fault. You know, he was offered a primetime show on a major network at the time when there's only three or four networks.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it's a big deal.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, it was a big deal, but. But, okay, so here's the story. I was out with him one night. I mean, this is probably the 90s when I was out a lot. We were young and I don't know, we were coming from the Playboy Mansion or something. I don't know. We weren't doing that, but we were on. We were walking with two girls. I don't remember if they were girlfriends or people we just met or, I don't know, homeless. But we were walking on Sunset Boulevard. I think it was Sunset. Yes. We're walking, like, long way. Like a long way to get to another bar, probably. I'm sure that's what it was. So at one point, for no reason, Jeff just breaks out running like, as fast as he can ahead of us. And that alone was funny. And like four blocks later, we're walking along and I look to the side and there's a little doorstep going down toward a door. And there he is pretending to be passed out in the door. Hell, you know, just. He just the commitment to that, to run ahead and wait passed out on the. So that when I came upon him, it would get a laugh. That was Jeff Altman to me.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm sure he's still around if he's listening right now. Jeff. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

When I started the improv, the board, that chalkboard up there was like, bill, maybe some Jeff Altman, maybe some Belzer, Leno. Remember, you're talking about your whole.

[Jason Baker]

At the clubs.

[David Spade]

At the improv club on Melrose. When I first started, all these guys were great. Everybody was funny, and I was trying to worm my way in. Bill, I had a question for you. Serious question. Did you get one of those medal of Freedoms the other day they were passing out?

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, I did. And I put it with the others. I mean, I have a draw full, but I could always use more. Yeah, no, I. I'm not. I'm not what they call award bait.

[David Spade]

Listen, it's a new year. New year of proposals.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah. Lots of people popping the big question. Sure, it's a huge moment, but what they don't tell you is how many decisions you have to make when choosing the perfect engagement ring.

[David Spade]

David, there's. I can think of six questions off top of my head. Shape, size, color, cut, clarity, carrots, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

Damn, that's fantastic. Off the top of your head. No, there's no place better to start than bluenile.com because they know what she wants, and so it's time to learn fast.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they do this every day. They know. They'll take the guesswork out for you guys don't know anything. I don't know anything. You know, you go in there, bluenile.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine. Price you won't find at a traditional jeweler. That's been since 1999. They've been the original online jeweler.

[Dana Carvey]

That's right. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases they'll meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond.

[David Spade]

And you know, it's a surprise, usually. So it'll stay safe because every Blue Nile orders insured, arrives in packaging. They won't give away what's inside. Most cases even delivered overnight. Blue nile has a 100 satisfaction guarantee with free shipping and returns. So you can make sure the ring you pick is the one. Love can last forever. But, you know, you get free service and repairs for life, so you're covered.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow. I mean, come on, if you're gonna make a move, you gotta use blue Blue Nile. Don't wander downtown. Have some guy we Got. Yeah. Let me get that eyepiece out. You can check out the diamond. If you wink, you want it.

[David Spade]

And the dick of Wyman. We.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we got one made of wood.

[David Spade]

We ch it up twice right now. $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code fly@blue nile.com. that's $50 off with code fly@blue nile dot com.

[Dana Carvey]

That's blue nile dot com.

[Jason Baker]

What you think of the Golden Globes?

[Dana Carvey]

The Golden Globes, I think it's an ongoing thing of, like, how many people have seen the movies.

[Jason Baker]

Oh, exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a problem.

[Jason Baker]

I thought it was a tutorial in why Trump won the election. Well, but.

[David Spade]

But no, really, why is that so funny?

[Jason Baker]

It is because I want to hear.

[Dana Carvey]

I want to hear. Because no one was really too political. There was a couple, like, in these troubled times, but nothing super overt.

[Jason Baker]

No, but it's just, it's. First of all, the fact that they have a special award for. I don't know what they call it. Blockbuster or.

[David Spade]

It's like box office or something.

[Jason Baker]

Movies people like.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Which actually used to be what an award show was, movies people liked and saw. But, Dana, you're right. I mean, so many. I watched it as an instructive because I just was familiarized with so many movies and TV shows that I had never heard of or barely heard of some. I want to see, I want to see the Jesse Eisenberg one because I, I love him and I think he does great stuff and that looks fun. And there's a few others, but. Yeah, and it's just like this other world that the, you know, that the, what the right would call the leftist elitists. And they're not completely wrong about that, that they live in this world and everybody else lives in this other world. And, you know, I know during the election the Democrats were like, if we can just get Taylor Swift to endorse Joe, this will put him over the top. And, you know, they got every big star. And I think it actually hurt because people don't look at these celebrities like, oh, they're just like us. They're not just like you. They have no idea what life is like, real life. And it, A show like this, it comes across that way and it just makes people go, oh, these people and, and their insular world. You know, I also, Yeah, I was.

[Dana Carvey]

Just the thinking about movie actors and where else do we praise people with that kind of hyperbole? His performance is nothing short of a miracle.

[Jason Baker]

Right. Really. And everyone is. And everyone who like Puts on a fake nose is brave. You know, like, it was a brave. For a brave performance is the Battle of Fallujah. Okay, that was great. Just. Just ugly.

[Dana Carvey]

Omaha beach was brave, you know, just.

[Jason Baker]

Uglying yourself up for a movie. That's brave. It would be. It would be brave if you're going to permanently stay ugly, but you're not.

[David Spade]

You know, disfigure yourself.

[Jason Baker]

But I thought our girl Nikki did great.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, she did great. This is not an easy room. And she has great jokes, boys.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, I think I would like to see her do it again because she aired correctly on the side of. This isn't a roast. Exactly. Okay.

[David Spade]

These people caution.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah. These are all a bunch of divas in this room. You know, don't make the mistake that Joe Coy, I think, did the year before and, you know, like, don't ever, like, blame them. They're perfect.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, no, no. You never turn.

[Jason Baker]

No, they're the A listers. I would like to see her do it, like, again and again because I read her interview about it and she said she wanted to be like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who did great with it. But I want to see her be Ricky Gervais. But she does not have the stature yet. And she's correct in assessing that. I told her that you don't have the stature yet. She knows this. You have to have stature. I mean, Ricky, when he did it, he was one of them. He was. First of all, he had fuck you money. He was a big producer. He had done lots of, you know, the office alone made him very rich.

[David Spade]

Highly respected.

[Jason Baker]

Highly respected. And just the attitude of, I don't give a fuck if you ask me back on this show or not. I'm gonna take the piss out of you people. And he. And I'm gonna be drunk when I do it. That's what I wanna see on the golden. She's not ready to do that yet. She made the right decision not to. But I'd love to see her do it someday.

[Dana Carvey]

I never get tired of that because I'll click on Ricky Gervais. So I get the YouTube shorts and his speech. And I don't know if it was his last one. He's got the beer. You know nothing. You are nothing.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

Just come up, get your little award. Thank your fucking God, or something like that. I mean, it was so not television.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

But I think it was his last one. And I'm interested in celebrity net worth only because of how it would affect the mind of the performer. And if you Have a hundred million net. You live in a little village in England. You're like, you know, I'm. I'm still dancing for my donuts, you know, I don't. I'd like to feel that one day.

[David Spade]

I like last night when the brutalist guy goes, brutalist. The guy goes, brutalist. He goes. They always. He says, give directors the final cut. Which. Fair enough. And then he goes, by the way, it's three and a half hours. So he's like, they all said it wouldn't be a hit. I'm like, it's literally made $1 million worldwide. And the people are scratching their heads going, I mean, it's a hit. I mean, you won this. Okay, so this is the illusion. It's the biggest hit in the world.

[Jason Baker]

I only got through the first two thirds of it. What one? The brutalist.

[David Spade]

Then it really picks up.

[Dana Carvey]

Brutalists. I think Brutalist.

[David Spade]

People tell me that. Wait, Dana, When I watch us, when I watch a show on Netflix and they go, the first seven episodes are shit, right? I go, what are you still doing there? Right the fuck out. Like, go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

I like Landman. The thing that blew me away, you know, was Adrian Brody, right? Great actor. He's done. He's very serious guy.

[Jason Baker]

Terrific.

[Dana Carvey]

Super likable, like an open wound. Brilliant actor. And then, with no judgment, his wife was with Harvey Weinstein and then went to Adrian Brody. Wow. What? That's a pretty big leap. That's a different kind of husband.

[Jason Baker]

Okay, can I defend that?

[Dana Carvey]

No. I just explained.

[Jason Baker]

No, no. I mean, I talked to Adrian and his girlfriend. I don't know if they're married.

[David Spade]

Georgina, is it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, I'm sure she's lovely. I would just go, she's got a really nice guy now, right? Harvey was tough. Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

But she. I don't think she knew Harvey was doing what he was doing when she was with him. And as soon as she found out, she was in a cab. So I talked to them at the Oscar party, the Vanity Fair Oscar party. I think two years ago, they couldn't have been nicer. And it seemed, you know, it seemed like a genuinely good relationship. So, I mean, I don't. I don't know if there's anything there, there, because again, that explains it.

[Dana Carvey]

That explains it.

[Jason Baker]

I don't think she. Nobody, nobody was talking about Harvey Weinstein until it broke. You know, I mean, I did. You know, I didn't know. I. I mean, he was always nice to me. As John Lovitz used to say about.

[David Spade]

OJ he was always nice to me.

[Dana Carvey]

I wasn't thinking so much of the. The.

[Jason Baker]

That is what he used to say, by the way. It. He was always nice to me. He never slit my throat. Okay.

[David Spade]

Never killed me.

[Dana Carvey]

Just as a type. I wasn't thinking so much about the. The sexual escapades. It's just a type. Just a. Because we. We knew Harvey was an aggressive kind of bulldog, and. And Adrian's a sensitive soul from afar, so that's just an interesting dichotomy.

[Jason Baker]

But neither one of them is, like, traditionally handsome because women are deeper than we are, so they go for something. Yeah. Thank God.

[Dana Carvey]

Didn't Aristotle Onassis. That was his first line to a woman was, I'm an ugly man. Okay.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

That was his first line. But.

[David Spade]

Yeah, but second line was, I'm a rich one.

[Dana Carvey]

This is the USS Aristotle.

[Bill Maher]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

He wasn't that bad. I mean, you know Jackie. Yeah. He had. Well, first of all, we only got to know him when he was old. You know, I never knew about him until he married Jackie O. Right. I mean, that's what. That sort of put him on the. Put him on the map, you know, I mean. And I think what he offered her was something she was looking for. An island, you know, I'd like. Yes. To hide from the paparazzi and so forth.

[Dana Carvey]

Totally. Women are more evolved than we are.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Also. Yeah. Bill, I could not agree more. Were there some of these movies and TV shows?

[Dana Carvey]

That's all I got.

[David Spade]

I saw that Challengers was. Which I saw me too.

[Jason Baker]

Liked it.

[David Spade]

I don't know if it was a comedy or musical, but I don't understand it either.

[Jason Baker]

But I liked it.

[David Spade]

It was. I liked it. And I think they go, it'd be great to have Zendaya here.

[Jason Baker]

I think that's the truth with a lot of people that were there.

[David Spade]

A lot of it. Yeah. Now, listen, Zendaya is great. She was great.

[Jason Baker]

Oh, she's great.

[David Spade]

Everything but. And she should be there now. Could they just make a category for challengers like they did with the box office one.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, why. Why is the Bear up against only Murders in the Building? I mean, why is Martin short up against Jeremy Allen?

[Jason Baker]

White, but go back. What one? I don't know what one. I have.

[Dana Carvey]

Good question.

[David Spade]

He usually wins. Jeremy Allen.

[Jason Baker]

No.

[David Spade]

Who?

[Jason Baker]

What won the best movie.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, the best movie.

[Jason Baker]

Okay. What?

[Dana Carvey]

You don't know what won anything? The Brutalist. Didn't the Brutalists win the best drama?

[Jason Baker]

What is the Brutalist about?

[David Spade]

It's got.

[Dana Carvey]

Jesus Christ. I feel like in seventh grade. All Of a sudden here. Suddenly the pop quiz from the.

[David Spade]

Let me see. I'm gonna look it up. We got a Google guy to do it. That's me.

[Jason Baker]

Oh, good. Dennis Miller's here.

[Dana Carvey]

Billy Marv. Gotta love Billy Marr. You know, the perennial teenager thing working out for you. You know, got the man cave with the pool table. How's that? Circa Troy Donahue motif, You know, the youth. No, I love Dennis and he is. He's one of the funniest humans.

[Jason Baker]

Well, you certainly are when you, when you parody.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I love doing him and he improves my vocabulary. Okay, little tissue in the back there in case he gets a little watery eyed over that medication he needs every other day at this point.

[Jason Baker]

That's you and you're in your funny impressions.

[David Spade]

All right, I'm going to read you some winners, guys.

[Jason Baker]

Oh, great.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Drama. Wait. Musical or comedy? Motion picture. They're sort of covering their bases here.

[Jason Baker]

That must have been Wicked.

[David Spade]

Oh, no, it was Amelia Perez. It beat fucking Wicked.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh yeah, Perez won everything. Wicked got the best big, you know.

[Jason Baker]

Well, it's always a commercial film. It's always a contest to be which can be the most virtue signaling and politically correct. Which is again why Trump won because people just want entertainment. So like, even though Wicked, I didn't see Wicked, but I know someone who's in her 20s and went to see it with someone who's like, I think her sister or something who's like, you know, a teenager. And the teenager didn't even like it and thought it was too preachy.

[David Spade]

Wicked. Yeah, Wicked Barbie this year. What is it? Is it.

[Jason Baker]

Well, I haven't seen it, but that was the report from a 18 year old girl. Too preachy and you know, it just. Okay, so I don't know, maybe it's not maybe.

[David Spade]

What is Amelia Perez about?

[Jason Baker]

Good question. That was my next question about a.

[Dana Carvey]

Woman named Emilia Perez. That's the limit of my.

[David Spade]

Is there Amelia Earhart? Yeah, Spanish. Okay. I also was different man. The one you're talking about with Jesse Eisenberg.

[Jason Baker]

See that one? Oh, okay. If that's Jesse's movie then I want to see that. But I not really been familiarized with it and I don't know what that's about.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you're really nailing these.

[Dana Carvey]

Coleskin, the gothic sidekick. One of the Culkin brothers won.

[Jason Baker]

Yes, he did. Karen. One of the. Listen to you, grandpa. Karen Culkin. Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Guess who knew the Culkin brothers back in 1990? Yeah, Kieran was my. He was like my shadow when when his brother was hosting.

[Jason Baker]

Is that right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Because I saw some activity with his father, and I. I knew what was going on, and I had the same kind of.

[David Spade]

You're like Michael Jackson. The other one.

[Jason Baker]

Wait, wait, I'm interested. What was going on?

[Dana Carvey]

I just saw, you know, my friend and I have this phrase, a Turner phrase, of an insecure man, a hurting cowboy. So I saw that his dad was a hurting cowboy. Suddenly. Was. Yeah. Was it that his name? And I could tell that was a rough. That was a rough dad to have, you know? And what.

[Jason Baker]

What is the cowboy meaning?

[Dana Carvey]

A hurting cowboy. And insecure. An insecure man. I've always told anyone there's nothing more dangerous than a man with alcohol in him who's insec. Midnight.

[Jason Baker]

Right. I would agree.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Back to the fun stuff, guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's go. Let's go back. All right. That's.

[David Spade]

Actually. Bill will be happy to. Wicked did come through. They had a. They had to make one up. That's cinematic box office achievement. Obviously. You just look in the paper what made the most money. Okay.

[Jason Baker]

Right. That's all that is.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, Zoe Saldana, one supporting actress. And Amelia Perez.

[Jason Baker]

I saw that. And, you know, I'm sure she's a lovely person, but, like, again, the. The level to which these people are seduced by winning a little trophy is something. I mean, just the speeches. Well, just the overflowing emotion that, like, oh, my God, you like me and you gave me this trophy. And they're just overcome. It's just. It's very hard to watch. I want to see. I couldn't watch a show like this in real time. I taped it and then watched it in the bathtub with the clicker. I mean, with the remote, being able to zip through. The things that I just can't take. And the things I just can't take are the speeches. And also the speeches and also the little patter that they give the presenters before they. So I had to. I just. I can't do it. So I. I had to go through those, and then I got to. Oh, and this. This is what the nominees are. And it educated me on all these shows that I will never see.

[David Spade]

The closed captioning is tough to get through sometimes because I read what they're saying and I'm like, oof.

[Jason Baker]

What is the brutalist about?

[David Spade]

It's about. I told you. There's something about the immigrant.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. Something about immigrating to America and the difficulties of that experience.

[David Spade]

Just immigration is a big year. I mean, that.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[David Spade]

That's a good one.

[Jason Baker]

Another reason why Trump won because these people think unlimited open borders is what we should. Should be championing. And Americans kind of don't agree with that. Including people of color who voted more for Trump than they ever did for a Republican. But.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, majority of Latino men. But for whatever reason. Well, for whatever majority. I mean. No, but over 50% Democrats are. Gotta be.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah. And they keep digging their hole bigger because they don't get it that they keep talking about, you know, oppression. And there is oppression, of course. But most of these people were saying, you know what's oppressive to me? The price of eggs.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Okay. That's what's oppressing me. Deal with that.

[David Spade]

Yeah. The ones right in front of me, the eggs, they're expensive.

[Dana Carvey]

There's no such thing as inflation's under control. Remember when gas prices started going up? And he's saying this stuff that's talked about in their back room. This could be a good thing. Hazen. Transition to away from fossil fuels.

[David Spade]

Bill, I swear, you could have jumped into that Medal of Freedom ceremony and he wouldn't have noticed his throat around your neck. He was out of it. This guy did some shit. There you go. Okay, next.

[Dana Carvey]

Is it. Is it True you have 40 nominations but not a win?

[Jason Baker]

Correct. And I think that really says more about them than me. But let's move on.

[David Spade]

I blame.

[Dana Carvey]

Well there. Yeah. It's impossible to win now.

[David Spade]

You're the Demi Moore one for the substance. Actress in a musical or comedy. Was that a musical or comedy? Was it.

[Jason Baker]

Okay, I saw that one.

[David Spade]

Okay. Go.

[Jason Baker]

Really hard to watch because. Have you seen it?

[David Spade]

No. Someone warned me off it. They said you wouldn't be able to handle it.

[Jason Baker]

I couldn't handle. I literally was watching it through my fingers because it becomes. It's so over the top with what they do to her. It's about. It's a good idea. And there are parts of it I liked, but it was just too hard to watch. She is a woman of a certain age who wants to recapture youth. And then there's some thing that somebody invented that she can inject herself with. Right. And like she leaves her old self lying in the closet for a week and the new version of her goes out. And then she gets hooked on it and wants to. You have to do it in a certain way. She it up. So then she becomes this grotesque figure.

[David Spade]

Oh.

[Jason Baker]

And they just take it to a degree that's just. For me, it was too much. But I get the idea.

[David Spade]

I get the idea. Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah. And of Course, you know, it was making a comment about how we judge older people by their looks and that's not right. Just applause, applause, you know, applause, applause.

[David Spade]

I get it, it's not right. But we do it.

[Jason Baker]

And to me that's all asked backwards because if you were really mature, what you would understand is that life is a series of trade offs. When you're young, you're stupid and beautiful and then you get older and you get smarter and worse looking and mature people throughout the ages and all cultures have just accepted that.

[David Spade]

Not us, not us, not Hollywood.

[Jason Baker]

We have to be sexy until you're a million years old. And anyone says different is bad.

[Dana Carvey]

They're not just wrong, they're bad.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, they're bad. They're bad people.

[David Spade]

Well, to me first, I could not look any better. I mean, for being in this movie about looking good. She looks great. Who to me more.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, but she doesn't look like she's 25.

[David Spade]

No.

[Jason Baker]

Which is the point of the movie.

[David Spade]

She actually a different actress plays her, Right?

[Jason Baker]

Yes, of course. Yeah, that's the point. Yeah. It's Margaret qualley who is 25.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, I did kind of like her speech because she has been, you know, the idea that I thought I was kind of done, really done, you know, so that was unexpected.

[Jason Baker]

No, I loved her speech. That's one speech I watched and it was great. First of all, it was in control. It was, it was planned. She had a little thing to say, it was succinct and she said, I love the part. She said, some producer told me a long, long time ago, you're, you're a popcorn actress.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

You know, you'll do well in movies that make money, but no, you're not going to win awards. That's. And so I thought that was, that was terrific.

[David Spade]

You know what's funny is first of all, I think she's great. Second of all, I just want someone in a speech to go, you know what someone told me once, you're going to be great. They never mention that. It's always the one guy that told he'll never make it. But there's a lot of people that say, you'll probably be great.

[Unknown]

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[Dana Carvey]

Did you have that bill? I mean you're. You're. Did you have a struggle where they didn't know what to do with you? Cuz you. You were in a. You were in a half hour sitcom first right before becoming doing real time.

[David Spade]

Were you one of the Pink Ladies?

[Jason Baker]

I did four sitcoms.

[Dana Carvey]

Four that made it to air.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, I think so. I did. I did Sarah with Gina Davis. I did Hard Knocks, one of the first sitcoms on Showtime. I was two mismatched detectives, if you can believe a thing like that.

[David Spade]

I'm in.

[Jason Baker]

Were you.

[Dana Carvey]

Were you in the show called I think It's I've had just about enough of you. Was that you?

[Jason Baker]

No, I never.

[Dana Carvey]

I just made that up. But go ahead. Titles are funny. Bill Maher is Hard Knocks.

[Jason Baker]

All right, I was in. Bringing Up Chunky. I was the neighbor. No. And then I did. And then I did one with Sam Kinison. I can't remember the name of that.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow.

[Jason Baker]

I don't know. Right before he died, because he was a heroin addict who kept everybody waiting for hours while he sobered up.

[David Spade]

I wanted. I want to see the script where in parentheses, after Sam, it says, in parentheses screams this next line. Yeah, every line is in all caps.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Was that your dream? You weren't thinking about hosting the Tonight show or anything? You were thinking, did you ever host a Tonight Show?

[Jason Baker]

No, I did not host it. I've been on it, you know, like, I don't know, 40 times or something. But no, I. I always wanted to do pretty much what I'm doing. But when I started, like, I think a lot of us, the template was, well, you get on the Tonight show, you do your little six minutes, little monkey goes out there and makes people laugh. Good, clean material. And then you. Right. And then you get a sitcom like. Like Robin Williams did. And Roseanne, Freddie Prinze, Billy Crystal. Yeah, well, you know, that was a.

[David Spade]

Little before my movie, which is even bigger.

[Jason Baker]

The idea is that you're going to get a sitcom based on you being a comedian sometimes based on who we actually are as a comedian. But, yeah, and that's what happened to me. I did my four or five Tonight Shows. I got on a big show, a sitcom with. On NBC that was on after Family Ties. It was a big thing with a big producer, Gary David Goldberg. Oh, well, yeah. So that was. So that put me on that path. And then I did, you know, okay, so I'm that funny guy. I can do DC Cab and I can do, you know, these, you know, funny little movies. And so that was really how I spent the 80s. And it was, you know, but it's okay because I would not have had the Gravitas in my 20s to do a show about politics. Who's going to listen to somebody that age? You shouldn't. So it was. It came out just pretty much the way it should have.

[Dana Carvey]

And the technology. So cable TV was starting and going. And then that's. Then that expanded. There weren't places to do a talk show besides the major Networks in the 80s. Right?

[Jason Baker]

Yeah. I mean, when I went on with politically incorrect in 1993.

[Dana Carvey]

Comedy Central.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, Comedy Central. And that was the right place. Yeah. For the show like that. That was, you know, had nothing to lose. And you could put a guy on a little controversy.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, they like super cheap to make. Just get some chairs and.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, me, very cheap at the time.

[David Spade]

Were you cheap at that time?

[Jason Baker]

Very cheap.

[Dana Carvey]

When did you first get rich? Like, you don't have to tell a number. When did you first get a big, big paycheck and kind of went, holy.

[Jason Baker]

Well, I thought when I did that first sitcom, remember, my salary was $7,500 a week. Previously had been my yearly earnings, of course.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

As a comedian, a little more than that yearly. But maybe not really. When I lived in New York. So that was. That was like 1984. That was my second year out here. And, you know, to. To jump up to that was huge. You know, I immediately went to a store called Maxwell's, which was like this. Do you know the store?

[Dana Carvey]

No, but it just sounds funny. The guy gets money, goes right to Maxwell's. It was.

[Jason Baker]

It was this clothing store, I think it was on Melrose or Robertson. And it was like where rock stars went. And all the clothes were unique and hysterically awful if you saw them today. But, you know, I could. I could buy a sport coat for fifteen hundred dollars or something. That was ridiculous. But, you know, I never was able to do that before.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Wow. That was the salary I got for one of the boys with Mickey Rooney and Nathan Lane in 1981 in New York. My first sitcom. Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Mickey Rooney.

[Dana Carvey]

Mickey Rooney.

[Jason Baker]

Boy, that takes you back to work with a guy who was able to portray an Asian person in a movie and no one objected.

[David Spade]

He probably had an award for it.

[Dana Carvey]

And with buck teeth.

[David Spade]

It was such a chewing on a log or something, eating crickets stereotype.

[Dana Carvey]

I can't even do it.

[Jason Baker]

But Jerry Lewis did it, by the.

[David Spade]

Way, in a crazy story that ties in Bill and Dana. We have the same management. And he says, one time I go up for a sitcom and they want me so bad. They say, we're gonna audition you to the network. And then seven people for the other guy. I was like, fuck, yeah. So I, of course, make my deal for like $25,000 for a pilot. So I'm basically spending the money. So I go there and the first read, they go, great. The second go, maybe a little more energy on this one. Third read, they go, new guy with me and they go, maybe a little less energy on this. Now I see them sweating. Then they go, maybe we'll just for laughs, switch parts just to mix Things up. Just, just. You read his, he'll read your. Oh, and I, I, by the way, I see nothing wrong. I'm like, cool. I'm, I'm adaptable. I don't realize there's places on fire. And so I finish, I go to see Mark Gurvitz, our manager, and I walk and he goes, goes, all the people that just made 40, $30,000 as a pilot, take one step forward. Not so fast, Spade.

[Jason Baker]

Really?

[David Spade]

That's how he told me. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, how did you ruin that? You were the only one up for your part. I go, what?

[Jason Baker]

I can tell you exactly how, because I remember those days. And not fondly, but here's the deal. You'd go into Reed first, and we're comics, so we already have an advantage because before you get to read, usually have a little chit chat with the writer producers. By the way, I was so green when I started that I didn't realize that the producers were the writers. And one time I said to the producers who wrote this shit, not realizing it was them, but okay, so we go in and being comics, we can get them laughing before we even start reading the shit. So we warm up the crowd and then it's like, oh, we're, we're laughing. This guy's funny. Now we're gonna read it. You read it the first time and you're funnier than the fucking actors if it's a silly sitcom. So you kill. So they bring you back. But now they've heard you do it once, so you do it again and they're still laughing, but you know, it's kind of getting old. And by the, by the eighth time they brought you back, it just looks stale because they've heard you do it so much. And then they bring in somebody who's not as good, but it's fresh, the reading is fresh and, and they look better.

[David Spade]

And that's how you've heard about your story that happened on the 405 on the way there six times. So it's like, that's not funny anymore now. It's just.

[Dana Carvey]

Did you ever walk into an audition room and see sort of versions of yourself? Because I walk in and see weak chin, baby faced, androgynous young men and women. Here's Bill's story. Go ahead.

[Jason Baker]

Here's my story about that. Exactly what you're talking about. Walked into one and Charles Fleischer. We know Charles Fleischer, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Okay. How would you describe Charles Fleischer?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, my goodness.

[David Spade]

Eccentric.

[Jason Baker]

Eccentric, Funny. Roger Rabbit.

[Dana Carvey]

Roger Rabbit, yeah. Was he the first one to do where he put the stool upside down? I think maybe Rob did it later here. Oh, seating for four. See? Seating for four. Game in. He put the stool upside down.

[David Spade]

Upside down. Table for four. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Before game in, I thought that was Charlie Flesh, but he had.

[Jason Baker]

He had a kind of a mad scientist look about.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, mad scientist.

[Jason Baker]

Okay. So I walk in and we have a little conversation. He goes, okay, pricks over here, nuts over here. Because, like, I was always, like, the sarcastic, the prick part. And I was sitting with the pricks, and he was over there with the guy who's the nut. Like, that's what I said. Come hat. It had a prick and it had a nut. When I did Sarah, I remember the ad came out in TV Guide and it had the four of us. Gina Davis, Academy Award nominee Alfrey Woodard, Great Brunson, Pincho and me, and a little description of who we were. And under mine it said the office creep. So that's.

[David Spade]

That's a good spin off.

[Jason Baker]

That's what I was playing. I was Marty, the office creep.

[David Spade]

Well, they're always. They have a Kramer. Someone to come in and be funny. That's usually the ones you try to get. But, yeah, that's the Fleischer part.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, the nut.

[Dana Carvey]

I did a pilot with Kramer with.

[David Spade]

Oh, you did?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. What's his. His real name? Michael from Seinfeld. Michael, yeah. And called City Slickers. I was the cop in the little town, and I was the straight man man. And he was the wacky New York.

[David Spade]

Oh, he was a wacky. And you weren't.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I was. I was always cast as a straight man. Every pilot. I was on two TV shows, one with James Ferratino. I was straight man. Always a straight man. Always. Until snl.

[Jason Baker]

Can I ask something of you guys about aging here? Because, like, I'm just picturing people watching this, listening to this. Who are the age we were when we were listening to, I don't know, Shecky Green and George Burns.

[Dana Carvey]

Don Rickles.

[Jason Baker]

Yes. And just first of all, we. We wanted to be comics, so we love those guys. But the idea that we're the old guys is just. It just. It's just mind blowing. Because in our minds.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we're not.

[Jason Baker]

We're not. You know, in our minds, we're the same guys. But I know people. How can these guys have stories about the 80s if they're not.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I remember hearing that Norm Crosby, who was maybe 56 at the time, was Bugging his manager, Bernie Berlstein really wanted a sitcom. And I, I was, I was thinking, he. At that age, what is he at 56?

[David Spade]

Get the out of here.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, anybody in our age group. When I went back to SNL, I'm riffing and talking to Marcelo. He's 27, and we're just like peers working on stuff. And I'm, I'm grandpa age. You don't feel like technically I'm, I'm, I'm old enough to be the Marcelo's.

[David Spade]

Like, who's James Ferrantino? And you're like, oh, he's a guy.

[Dana Carvey]

But I, you know, I would love to have had a podcast if Carson afterwards quit the show, had a podcast where he was real and talking about stuff might have been really fun. Didn't exist.

[Jason Baker]

And, you know, at his height night, I think he was getting 17 million a night for a show that went on at 11:30.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, a C a year. 17 million a night?

[Jason Baker]

Yeah. Yeah. 17 million viewers, I think.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, 17 million viewers. Yeah. At least. Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Not money. Yeah. Viewers.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

Which is like. I mean, primetime shows don't. Don't often get a tenth of them that.

[Dana Carvey]

No, no.

[Jason Baker]

But. But what if there were 4 million other talk shows?

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Jason Baker]

You know, that's hard. That's, that's the difference between podcasting and broadcast television from that era. If there were 4 million people instead of just Alan Thicke trying to dethrone Johnny.

[Dana Carvey]

But you might, you might find this interesting that the baby boomers, for the first time, you know, when we grew up, it was 18 to 49 for the advertisers. That's where the money is.

[Jason Baker]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

And the boomers have 78 trillion. Trillion for the first time, because the homes we bought escalated and everything. So we, the money is being tilted toward us, the bachelorette and, you know, the golden bachelor, stuff like that. So it's kind of interesting that we're the rich demographic, unfortunately for the young people.

[Jason Baker]

And, you know, but a lot of that money is being transferred to the.

[Dana Carvey]

Younger generations during the next 20 years. So by the time the kid's 57, he can buy a home.

[Jason Baker]

Well, okay. But a lot of that money is just being passed down, especially when they're in their 20s and, and 30. So I know we're, We're. We're squares and everything's bad and we ruined the world. But, you know, they're not, they're not saying no to the money. I notice.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, no.

[G]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Dana Carvey]

What? In your poorest days, just describe your apartment. How much was it? Did you have rabbit years for a tv? Was it to live alone?

[Jason Baker]

Oh, I. I was really poor from college. Really freshman year of college until I moved out here. I would say I really experienced what poverty was now. Not to sound like Shaggy Green or Alan King or guys in the old days, but but I'm going to sound like it when I say but we didn't know we were poor, you know, because we have. Because we had love.

[Dana Carvey]

That's A good character. You should do that. I like that guy.

[Jason Baker]

Well, okay. But like, when I look back at college, oh, I lived in slums my first year. I lived in Dorm 4, which was temporary housing built in 1945, which was still up in the 70s. My room was the size of a closet, which I shared with somebody. The bathroom was at the end of the hall. And boy, did that stink on a Sunday night. Then I. Then there was Ithaca, New York. This is where I was at Cornell. I mean, you moved into, you moved into a frat, which I didn't want to do not. And also, of course was not even close to being invited. But okay, let's just say. Let's just say I didn't want to do it. So you moved into college town, which were slums. I mean, it was like Appalachia up there. And these slum. These towns slum yes. Shout out to apple. These slum lords. And they had this automatic supply of tenants because every year new college kids need a place to live. So they didn't have to make the places acceptable. They were horrible. And then I moved to New York. Oh my God. First I lived in Spanish Harlem. I walked home every night at 2 in the morning from the clubs into a pretty rough neighborhood. Never was bothered. They looked at me and went, this guy has nothing. There is. He's just got the T shirt on his back and there's no reason to try to rob him. And it was a five floor walk up the. The bathroom. It did have a bathroom, but it was just what they called a water closet. It was just a hole with a chain where you could, you could take a dump. No shower. You sat in a tub in the kitchen with one of those attachments which.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, that's getting good. This is getting up there. You got.

[Jason Baker]

Then I had my first apartment on 8th Avenue over a bus stop. It was at least my own. It was a, you know, a studio, which means, you know, one little room, but you know, that was. And I used to live on the Blimpies. That was across the street. It was a $90 for a three cheese sub. That's what, what. So like, I love that I had that experience. I don't remember loving it at the time, but it's good for you, you know, And I never, I always had too much pride to ever ask. I guess I could have asked my parents for a little help. They weren't doing too well at the time either. But you know, it was just. There was. It just never entered my mind to like reach out because it was like, no know, let's just. Let's just thug it out.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And then how many years after your first set did you make a living as a stand up? How long did it take you?

[Jason Baker]

Well, okay, so my, my rent at the box on 8th Avenue, it started out at 250, 250 in 1980 or 79 or something. And then it was automatically rose 9% a year. So say I was paying like $300. Yeah. I could make rent and probably food was like another hundred dollars a month. So say my whole nut was $500. Okay. By 1980, I was emceeing and catch a rising star. So you got $50 a night for that. And if I did maybe one or two out of town gigs, I really wasn't ready for that. But I took some and it was terrible experiences when I bombed. But okay, that's part of it. So I could probably also sold pot. That was my. That was really how I lived. So between the pot and the emceeing. Yeah, I could make my nut by 1980.

[Dana Carvey]

Nice.

[David Spade]

Bill, I have a question about. Inspirational for children, isn't it, Bill, on your show now on hbo.

[Dana Carvey]

What's that called again?

[Jason Baker]

Real time. And it comes back January 17th. My special comes comes is on January 10th.

[Dana Carvey]

Friday, January 10th.

[David Spade]

I have a real time question too. Do you. I know there was an ABC you left there. Eventually you go to. I think it's straight to hbo. You've been there ever since. And is there any. There must be some things you get into that. The ruffle feathers or is there just kind of autonomy? You do what you want.

[Jason Baker]

Who writes these questions for you? Because seriously, shockingly, I was just. That sounds like some producer wrote that question.

[David Spade]

No, it's AI. Why? I just have.

[Jason Baker]

And certainly, certainly you don't have a producer on the show. I mean, it's not.

[David Spade]

We barely have. Me and Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

We buy the mics and the lights. We do everything.

[David Spade]

This is the most dog. Low end lo fi.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, trust me, we know. But. But that's what works. That's what works about it.

[Dana Carvey]

It's Snow Club Random. That's a sweet thing. You've got those differences.

[David Spade]

All ants. Yeah, he's like the Club Random's like the Bachelor. They have like cameras on the way in. We introduce.

[Jason Baker]

Hey, we. You and I are the last two bachelors. And by the way, speaking of that, I think a great show would be one of us mostly probably me doing the. The Golden Bachelor, but like our real lives, not with an age appropriate woman. Because that's boring with an age inappropriate woman. Because you know what, the appropriate age for a relationship is one that works.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, look at Bill Belichick, 73 and 22. And they seem happy.

[David Spade]

Or Cher or Madonna.

[Dana Carvey]

Exactly, Madonna. They go for the 20s as well, it seems to me. And I want you to comment on this, when women get power, they seem to go younger. Like men who get power. Power go younger.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, absolutely. That happens. Kate Beckinsale went out with Pete Davidson and I think a few other younger guys. And yeah, I mean, and when they do it. When they do it, it's empowering. When men do it, we're perverts.

[David Spade]

Good for her. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I never felt that. I remember you said everyone wanted you to get married. And I go, no one wants you get to get married.

[Jason Baker]

People married.

[Dana Carvey]

But there are people who do. But I would think it's absurd. And I also think that, that since women are wired differently, it's not like they're with someone wealthy and famous. They're literally really attracted to the personality that can, that does stuff. I mean, it takes a lot of something to get where you're at. That's. That's attractive to a woman.

[Jason Baker]

Yes. Well, as we were saying before, women are deeper and we're going to keep telling ourselves that. No, it's. But don't you. But don't you think that would be a great show, the. The Golden Bachelor. But you know, with, with women that David and I are attracted to and that doesn't make us bad people.

[David Spade]

I keep getting right, David. Well, yeah, I don't think it should be me or you, but we should get a guy and.

[Jason Baker]

No, it has to be a comedian.

[Dana Carvey]

It has to be.

[David Spade]

You guys should have a comedian. And anyway. But yes.

[Dana Carvey]

And you know what the title of it is? And this is from Mickey Rooney about. Because I asked him, how did you have sex with all those starlets? You know, he's five feet tall in 1940s. He said, quote, money makes you handsomer.

[Jason Baker]

Right. What was the line he had when he brought. I think it was Jane Mansfield up on the stage at an award show when he was right at tit level and he had some great line milkers. Something like. It's not bad being short. I forget what it was, but it was, it was a great moment.

[David Spade]

Well, I think we'd be more normal if we were. If I was married and divorced, I would be more normal.

[Jason Baker]

More usual. Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Never married. You know, where did the phrase come up? Confirmed bachelor? Well, are you guys.

[Jason Baker]

Yes, in the, in the old days. That was it.

[Dana Carvey]

No, seriously, I think I just said.

[David Spade]

It about my code for.

[Dana Carvey]

For gay. Right.

[Jason Baker]

Yes. That was a euphemism for G. Okay. Just the way in Hollywood, a woman's director was code for a gay director. Oh, I think. I think George Q. Car, for example. But I. If I'm wrong about that, please don't. He may have been the man most. He manniest of the guys. I think that's who I'm talking about. But there was one sewer, you know, gay directors, and that was. He was a woman's director. You know, they. They were very genteel in those days. They didn't say things outright. Right.

[David Spade]

I've been described as a female comic, whatever that means. That means I won't say. Okay. So, Bill, thanks for coming. We can wrap him up. He's a good guy.

[Jason Baker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

He did a good job. He's got a life to lead.

[David Spade]

We're going to give you your evaluation after. I'm gonna. You really kind of barked at me toward the end, but overall, I think we had a good run here.

[Dana Carvey]

I enjoyed it because. And you do this. This as well, along with everything else. You do the best podcaster when you're never checking the clock. And I didn't check the clock on this one. I just thought, oh, I could talk.

[Jason Baker]

To you guys all day, and. And you're so funny. And I know that sounds like I'm just kissing up.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't think you're the kind of guy. Whatever you say. I believe you think.

[Jason Baker]

I was just gonna say, I think I have the credibility at this point, having lost 40 Emmys that, you know, my billboard. I think they're putting up. They're doing a replay of one I had from 10 years ago. They were going over like, you know, you've been on a long time. They got to come up with new catchphrases. And they. They came to the end of it, and they were like, oh, we're kind of. I could tell they were kind of afraid to try this one. I was like, just say it. We don't have anything. And it was. He's not in it for the likes. And I was like that. I love that so much. And so I think the one this year says, he's still not in it for the likes, which I love. I'm not. I love being honest. That's. That's my reward. So when I say you guys are the killing is funniest. You can take that to the bank. As Robert Blake used to say, whatever happened to him?

[Dana Carvey]

He just went in to get his gun. It was in the restaurant. And he came back. He likes Italian food. He forgot it. And then he went. God.

[Jason Baker]

Okay, you both owe me a new club. Random episode.

[Dana Carvey]

We're gonna be on there.

[David Spade]

It works. Oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

I wanna. I want to go on there again. I. That was really interesting. That was. That was cool. I liked it. I'm gonna get blasted this time.

[David Spade]

I'm gonna miss you.

[Jason Baker]

Thanks. You too.

[Dana Carvey]

Enjoyed it.

[Jason Baker]

Talk to you soon.

[Dana Carvey]

Take care, buddy.

[Jason Baker]

Bye.

[David Spade]

This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, Leave a Like a review all the stuff. Smash that button, whatever it is. Wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtz.