← Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Spade CLAPS BACK at Critic (Salesforce CEO CONTROVERSY)
01:04:16
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- [00:00]
A
You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?
- [00:08]
B
I know. Yeah, me too. I mean, I'll open the fridge in December, and it's like, half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David. But here's the thing. Staying on track doesn't have to be impossible. Our new friends@forkful meals.com totally flips that script. Honestly, I didn't think I'd stick with it, but these meals show up for fresh every week. Chef prepared real food, not frozen mystery mush. Just heat it, eat it, and boom. You're not calling DoorDash for the fifth time that week.
- [00:39]
A
Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time. I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?
- [00:51]
B
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- [01:12]
A
All right, that's forkful meals.com code POD50. That's POD5O. Seriously, don't wait. Your future self will thank you.
- [01:22]
B
Yes, thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.
- [01:30]
A
Okay, confession time. So I'm very guilty of choosing convenience over nutrition. You know, I've heard that when your fridge is fully stocked with greens. All good intentions. Somehow, a few taps on your phone later, you got takeout on the way. Have you done this? I have. Or those overpriced spinach wraps from the local coffee shop that leave you feeling more regret than comfort. We've all been there. That's where kachava comes in. And it's completely changed my fall mornings. I use cachava. I've done it for a few months. Honestly. Makes life easier. It's tastier. I customize my shakes. Lately, I've been doing the chocolate with a little nut milk, spoonful of almond butter. It's basically like a dessert that fuels my whole body. I feel a difference, too. I feel a little lighter. I have steady energy through the day. Better digestions, muscles feel recovered, mind sharper.
- [02:24]
B
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- [03:12]
A
Okay, hey guys, listen, we're starting the show. I, we already taped the show but we're adding a little addendum because.
- [03:18]
B
Right. It sucks.
- [03:20]
A
Something just happened. We tape it a few days before, but then this just happened. I want to tell you about it. It's not life changing, but it's very.
- [03:28]
B
Interesting to Dana and I. Yeah, it's an emergency podcast.
- [03:34]
A
Yes. Drop everything, Will.
- [03:35]
B
We just thought we'd do it, you know, Sunday afternoon. So, David, tell us your story.
- [03:44]
A
So what happened is like, you know, Dana and I talk about doing these corporate shows now and then for these big companies. Usually a lot of fun and pretty harmless. And sometimes they're a little tough because not a typical comedy setting. That's fair.
- [04:00]
B
Right? And by the way, let me insert this. You are a sideshow. You're not the show. The corporate party, the event, the president speaks, the slides and awards. That's the show. You're. You're kind of a secondary show. So if there. It's not like a regular gig.
- [04:16]
A
Go ahead. Right. So you're. Sometimes you're getting a burned out crowd or something. They've been in meetings all day. Sometimes, sometimes you're a surprise. They start to leave the meeting and they go, wait a second, here's an hour with someone. And they're like, so. And usually not drunk. They usually, you know, it's whatever. So I get a call, quick story, which we can never do anything quick. But hey, do you want to cover for someone to do a corporate show in San Francisco? I go, it depends on what day. I'm going into Arizona to see my brother Brian. And they said, well, it was Monday night, it's Thursday morning. You'd have to go. It's actually a daytime show, which immediately rings slightly tougher, but I don't mind. And I said, okay. It's usually kind of a favor. Someone got sick. We don't know why. Whatever happened.
- [05:02]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [05:03]
A
They don't tell me. So I said, let me see if I can maneuver it. So by the end of Tuesday. Yes, I can do it. And then I'll go straight to Arizona.
- [05:11]
B
Right.
- [05:12]
A
So it's Salesforce. I said, okay. I've actually done this before. I think, Dana, you might have too.
- [05:16]
B
I've done a couple with.
- [05:17]
A
With them. Mark, is it Benioff?
- [05:20]
B
Is the CEO Mark Benioff? Yes. So unbeknownst to you, what's going on?
- [05:26]
A
So unbeknownst to me, they say, I think Heather finds out. Oh, I saw. I think it was going to be Camille N. Johnny. He should put in parentheses in his name. Did I say that right? Because I like the guy. See him out. He's been on the show.
- [05:40]
B
Super nice guy. Kj.
- [05:43]
A
That's easier to say. So. And Alana Glaser.
- [05:48]
B
Yes.
- [05:49]
A
From Broad City. Another funny comic. I don't know her well, but I think she's very funny. So two comics that are pretty potent gonna go up there and do a thing. And they say, she will still open, but you're still gonna do 45. I said, that sounds great. Okay. I'd like to see her be fun. So I get up there. I'm already in San Fran. I'm going there to the gig, and there's an article that gets sent to me. Hey, they fell out. They both fell out.
- [06:19]
B
Now they both cancel or fell out, let's say.
- [06:22]
A
Yeah, fell out. Lingo because of possible political things. I heard the word Trump thrown around.
- [06:31]
B
Benioff initially had sort of welcomed the National Guard because he's had his big event every year. He has to hire extra protection and private police because it's a huge event. So he kind of invited that, saying I would support the National Guard kind of policing my event. And then what happened, people?
- [06:53]
A
Some back backlash. Now, that's not why I was told. I was told nothing. And then there was a rumor Kumail had Covid. So I'm like, so I'm on the way going, wait, am I supposed to not do that? You know, there's a weird feeling of like, oh, am I going into some situation?
- [07:09]
B
You were dead. No idea what you're stepping into. And by the way, by the time you hit the stage, Mr. Benioff had had kind of retracted what he said. He misspoke or whatever. So it wasn't. The issue was sort of gone.
- [07:22]
A
Right. I'm. I'm getting trickled information. All I saw in the article is said these people stepped out, but David Spade basically gladly did it. It was sort of like that. I'm like, that sounds. It just sound a little itchy. So anyway, I get there, I look at the room. It's in the round, about 3,000 people. It's daytime. The lights are up. Like you're in Ralph's or something, like a grocery store.
- [07:46]
B
No focus on you. Everyone's lit.
- [07:48]
A
Big screens, well done. They had Metallica the night before. I mean, they're not fucking around. These places that do these corporate gigs spend the money they get people. Matthew McConaughey was reading from his poetry book. Katie Couric was there, I think Maria Schreiber. So they're peppering through all these events. I'm another event. So I said, okay. And they said, okay. So anyway, long story short, I go do was pretty fun. Listen, it's not gonna be my Netflix special, but it was pretty fun. Moments of glory and some good laughs and some stuff that was sort of did okay. But that's kind of the drill in these things. So the thing is, when I leave, all good high fives. I leave. Okay, we got it done and we got it covered. The next day I see on Yahoo, there's a. There's a talk about it, and they're kind of talking about the comedians that dropped out.
- [08:41]
B
Yes.
- [08:42]
A
And it was kind of an indirect review from. Maybe not a reviewer, though. I think he was a tech guy.
- [08:49]
B
No, I've looked him up. He usually reports on AI and tech businesses. He's new to sfg, which is sort of the big online newspaper in San Francisco. So I believe, and I can't prove this, that he decided he should review you and he used AI because it sounds.
- [09:11]
A
Oh, maybe he used a. Oh, my God.
- [09:12]
B
Wow. I think he. He's an AI expert, by the way. We were looking for one if he wants to come on, But I believe it was written kind of like a cliche review. So it feels like a generic AI. I don't know if you want me to read it, but I'll read a.
- [09:28]
A
Little bit of it. He's reading a. Because it's sort of negative. Let's be honest.
- [09:33]
B
He's talking all about the dropping out of the comedians and the controversy then. And then he goes to a paragraph about.
- [09:39]
A
Well, he's talking about actually the whole show. He's like, so. And then this day. And this day, we did this. So he's sort of reviewing or just talking about the whole week I don't know if it's reviewing, but he's just sort of, here's what happened in San Fran for our. One of our biggest events of the year, and then he gets the part is two disappointing cancellations. So that's all right. There was a comedy show Thursday. It was an exciting prospect. Nanjani and Glaser are a pair with different comedic styles, unafraid of punching up at text excesses and power structures. And then it goes. But unforeseen circumstances, so they don't put a, you know, sharp head on it. But no one really knows why they both dropped out. Fellow comic David Spade replaced him. This part stings. I would have loved to see the company's list of B list talent backups. That's me. I guess I was like, oh, I.
- [10:35]
B
Didn'T think of that. I go, well, look, Sting, I'll say two things. First of all, I do believe that's AI generated. And secondarily, AI thinks that this young man who doesn't do this for a living, he used AI and the idea of a B list. I don't know the actual definition, but let's just say. Let's say he's 21. He hasn't seen grownups, he hasn't seen Tommy Boy. He would have maybe no idea of this long career where you're selling out theaters, but all over the country. So aid us, Billy, if you're a B list that I don't know what, I don't know where I would be on that.
- [11:19]
A
Well, I'll continue. Yeah. So he delivered. David delivered 40, 45 minutes of rambly down home storytelling. He made much use of his classic sarcasm, but joked little about the conference, its themes, or San Francisco. And then he continued, which is true. Uh, and. And he says, because it feels like Spade had heard about the gig the day before, flew up there jotting down the occasional ideas. That's kind of true.
- [11:49]
B
Well, you did kind of.
- [11:51]
A
What happened?
- [11:52]
B
You didn't have weeks to plan it or whatever, right?
- [11:55]
A
He talked about traffic, hotels, planes, no longer having TVs. You get it. Ah, that's the biggest burn of all. It's this type of dog shit. You get it? And then he said, blah, blah, blah. But so what I think is that's about it. But just that was a little stingy because when you're doing these gigs, first of all, they take the edges off your act. You sign a contract and they send it ahead. Hey, we don't want you shitting on the CEO. We don't want you going political? We don't want. Just keep it nice and fun.
- [12:29]
B
Nice and fun and light airplanes, all that kind of stuff. Nothing controversial. You're just there. The people are going all over to these symposiums. They're in class basically and they have a little reprieve of some nice comedy. But you're not there to levitate the cow palace or you know, make sure.
- [12:47]
A
I'm not there to punch up and get and make the focus me and have people go, holy shit. Do you think what he said? Now if I'm doing a theater gig, you know, you're not going to take any bullets out of my gun. I might go after San Francisco and the crime and the home. I might go after whatever because there's no real boss. People are coming to see me. But I have to kind of. If you're a worker bee and you've grown up working and doing these things, when they sort of stipulate this, they can either not pay you. And for two people to fall out in the old days, that's a little tougher. Like corporations said, we'll sue you, you're not going anywhere. Yeah, like that was like we, you know. But nowadays they go, okay, and that's nice. Yeah. But I'd met these people before. I had a perfectly good time there this time. Crowd was friendly, very nice and have a good time. We got out.
- [13:36]
B
Yeah, very nice company. Mark Benioff, very nice guy. And you know, there are jobs. This you playing a 2,000 seat theater. David Spade. You just, you can do whatever you want. Anything, anything. When you take these corporate jobs, they just want it to be in a certain frequency. That's all I can do. Most of my actors, certain things. I'm not going to drop an F bomb or something or things like that. And it's still fun and it's no big deal. But this thing was written by AI. But anyway, he can come on and revote us if he wants.
- [14:08]
A
Yeah, I mean I'm not really on the guy. I'm just saying it's all like, I don't think I've gotten a corporate review. It's sort of a hidden secret of the world. Have you?
- [14:16]
B
I never have done. I've done a thousand or more. I have never done review. This is highly unusual to get a review for. Cause there is no review. I never got for corporate.
- [14:29]
A
I thought it was a little kick in the balls to me because if he doesn't like my act, that's okay too. I mean it's like, sure, but he felt like, he went a little out of his way to go. I would love to hear these people really go after the system and punch up, but I don't know if that's what they were there to do either.
- [14:44]
B
No, I mean, you can throw in a couple things, but they want you to be David Spade and do your standup. They hired you for a reason. This guy didn't hire you because they know you, you're great. You know what you're doing, you have a great act and you get laughs. So. But yeah, I mean, I, I just think it was kind of funny that you're the only one that I in the history of comedy, the history of these type of events that got reviewed in a snarky way. When you're kind of doing a favor last minute, you're on your way to Arizona to see your mom. I mean, it wasn't your thing. You were in the mode to do. So anyway, that's, that's pretty much it.
- [15:20]
A
That's it. Now listen, in my defense, I made fun of the setting. It was a very sort of unique in the round, fully bright, with trees everywhere. Talk about that. Did a couple of chatgpt bits. You know, just let those tech guys really light up on those. But overall, yeah, there's no porn stuff. I don't put my stuff that, you know, there's a couple of things that work well. You go, nah, this isn't right. And you can, it isn't really a freedom of speech thing. I could say whatever I want. But do I want to get hired back? Yeah. Do I want the word in the corporate world to go, this guy is too much of a wild card. He's going to try to take your company down. Like, no, what's my job here?
- [15:57]
B
It's a job. It's a different job, you know, I mean, so they, I don't know. I, I, I still think the guy just didn't. It was AI and we should send him Tommy boy, do a direct thing so he can.
- [16:12]
A
Here's something I did 110 years ago. Take a look.
- [16:15]
B
Part of the canon. You're building all this stuff. You wrong, missy. The biggest comedy of the pandemic on Netflix. Like a billion views. So it, I know these. I, I got a review. I played San Francisco after my first years of On Saturday Night Live and the review from Mick Lasalle. And I think he was right. He goes, he fell in love with his own adorableness.
- [16:39]
A
I think I've done that.
- [16:42]
B
And I was a lot younger. I was cute. Oh, I'LL tell you, but I got a shitty review there. And he was kind of. But this one is just AI and the guy's 21.
- [16:53]
A
That's all. Well, anyway, no hard feelings, but it was kind of funny to get a review and talk about it. Okay, so we're back to our regular beginning folks. So here's where we started the podcast.
- [17:03]
B
Different outfit.
- [17:06]
A
Oh, my God. We started. This is.
- [17:08]
B
Hi. This is going to be a banger. Just, you know, don't go anywhere because this is going to be. That's good.
- [17:13]
A
Look at that. My hair is getting all lit up again.
- [17:17]
B
Don't move your head too much. Listen, I'll just state this unequivocally. The Beatles 65, they had uncoiffed hair. It was just sort of messy. And so that's what I've always been trying to get. Because I've maybe said this before on the podcast. My dad was an army type guy and he would basically give us crew cuts in the mid-60s. And you wanted to look like a beetle, so he'd be like, just, just. And if you look like you didn't like it, he cut it even shorter. Oh, we look like. We look like cue balls. By the end of it, my mom would come in and go, Dana, in this side pocket.
- [18:00]
A
You know, Beatles Let It Be album with a four with their beards. I thought that was the coolest look. Long hair and beards.
- [18:07]
B
Yeah, because it was unkept. They never had. Most of those rock czars in those days didn't have, like, stylistically combed hair. Except for Elvis, but that was Elvis.
- [18:16]
A
Or a stylist.
- [18:18]
B
Or a stylist was just unkept.
- [18:20]
A
Dana and I just got back from a gig and it was a lot of fun. We were at Yamava. We did a gig together. It was very fun. Dana. Crushed.
- [18:30]
B
I opened. I had a problem with my set. But I'll tell you what, it was in a minute.
- [18:34]
A
Okay, well, I'll tell you.
- [18:36]
B
How did your set go? Because I. I drove out there from where I am, and it was like a four or five hour drive, so I was out on my feet. So then I just, like, I saw the first few minutes sounded like it was going well and I toddled back to my room.
- [18:50]
A
Oh, me? Yeah. No, I wanted you to go rest because you've put in a full day's work.
- [18:54]
B
I was just. Didn't want to come in a day early or I didn't want to. Well, anyway, whatever. I was a little tired, but I heard on the Grapevine that you crushed.
- [19:03]
A
Right. I heard from the audience you were killing because I was listening and they were into it. And then I got nice comments after about you.
- [19:11]
B
Well, that's true.
- [19:12]
A
I will tell you this. Do you remember this? They gave us a box of our own cookies.
- [19:15]
B
Oh, good, you brought those. This was an exceptionally nice place to play Yamava. I must say. This is pulled it way up.
- [19:25]
A
A marquis. David Spade and Dana Carvey. That's a cookie, guys.
- [19:30]
B
They made cookies, thematically, about our minuscule careers.
- [19:35]
A
Here's a. A llama.
- [19:38]
B
What? But a llama. What is. How does that.
- [19:40]
A
Is that from me?
- [19:41]
B
Oh, from your cartoon groove. Okay, you got one for me?
- [19:45]
A
Slightly beat up. Isn't that special?
- [19:49]
B
Everyone wants to eat the church lady. That's.
- [19:51]
A
Look at that. That window behind you.
- [19:54]
B
I know. Glass pane, man.
- [19:57]
A
And here's a little Husker Don't. That's from Joe Dirt. Fireworks. They put some thought into it.
- [20:02]
B
Somebody went into, like, real minutia with our careers. They had one for the Dana Carvey show that only lasted seven episodes.
- [20:10]
A
They had one of me being born.
- [20:13]
B
How many episodes did that last?
- [20:17]
A
I'm trying to riff. My riff skills are a little off this morning.
- [20:20]
B
You can riff. Look, my only problem was I got two into this Scarface, and I didn't quite land it. I. You know, we were doing 40 minutes each, so I looked down. I'm at 35 and a half. Coming off of, like, Christopher Walken or.
- [20:37]
A
Somebody coming off micro.
- [20:39]
B
Micro impressions stacked. And I had a really good tailor, a guitar there. And I thought, oh, I could grab it now because it was all set. I grab it. It's electrified. I'd already done crowd work with two people in the audience. So I sing a song about them. It's the most surefire killer. But it's Scarface. I just want a little too long. And I thought later, if I'm doing Tony Montana at Thanksgiving dinner for. People don't know every bit I've repeated. Sweet potatoes, potatoes, all the thing like that. And then he gets mad at this grandma that we never identify. Grandma. You're like, oh, man. You're like, oh, man. So he goes off in this minutia for, like, five minutes. And I just thought he should have said the ending. He goes, what you gotta say, Grandma? What you gotta say? And then you come back with, welly. Well, well, well. We like ourselves, don't we, Scarface? And that would have been fucking.
- [21:37]
A
Tie it up.
- [21:37]
B
Tie it up. My God, the lady's back. She's taking down Scarface. Talk about a mashup.
- [21:45]
A
Now it was. It was it.
- [21:47]
B
You always crush. I like your casualness. You're not. I. I was actually walking behind the curtain. It was a huge stage when Bobby was on. Bobby Miyamoto killing himself. Just to get physically used to moving. I go out there to Goomba Gambam style and I'm dancing around and you kind of stroll out. What's up? Take it easy. You're kind of like, what's. And it's much cooler.
- [22:12]
A
Well, it's hard because as anyone knows, Dana's known in the business. It's hard to follow. So I just go, well, this is just a change up. Different style. They like us both. We could have flipped it either way. And it was fun. It worked out.
- [22:25]
B
Yeah.
- [22:25]
A
Next time I liked it and they were nice. I had people come in. Danny, you didn't know this. You know high rollers, if you don't know this when you're in a casino. Caesars next year. And then the first two rows. These shows are all almost just built for high rollers.
- [22:42]
B
There's paper.
- [22:44]
A
They want to bring people in to gamble. Like that's what they have different acts. They have Tim McGraw coming up, Carrie Underwood, they have us. So what happens is you want to get every facet of the community to go. I need a reason to go to this casino and I've never been there, but I want to see these guys or I want to see Kerry. So I've done that. I go, you go there and now you're walking in, you're probably eating at a restaurant. There, there's money. You play a few slots, bet a few things, roulette, see the show. Basically they just want you to touch base in the show and then go back out.
- [23:17]
B
They do not really want the show to exceed 90 minutes.
- [23:22]
A
Yeah, if it was two minutes, they'd be happy because they just touch us. And then go back in the casino, gamble again, drink again, have fun. And then they have an experience like, oh, Yamava is a nice place. And then they remember that. So they're going to go. We could just go there on a non show night. Because like we ate at a nice restaurant, you know.
- [23:40]
B
Well, very, very nice. I played a hotel in Vegas for a number of years that was not as nice as that, you know, just the carpet was nice, the rooms were clean.
- [23:49]
A
I know which one you're talking about.
- [23:50]
B
You know, I mean, it's. It was. The theater was perfectly fine, but it wasn't this, this Yamabo place was exceptionally nice and. And easy to work with. But yeah, I just, you know, next time I'll go a second if you want.
- [24:09]
A
By the way, it was, it was so lucky of me that you didn't walk over and pick up that guitar because I said, he's killing so hard anyway. And me and Bobby were like, oh no, if he gets that guitar, I'm just gonna go home because it's too hard to follow it's guy.
- [24:22]
B
Well, look, I don't know about follow or not follow because you're, you're the greats. The greats. Stand ups. I. Sorry, sneeze. I don't know what I said, but the guitar is a lethal weapon. I started using it in honky tonk clubs in the 80s, you know. Show us your dick. You know, Hell's Angels attacked me. Beer. You know the comedy underground. The second show on Friday, when there's a bar, they're coming right from the bar. Then I just started doing guitar stuff just to make noise and survive.
- [24:56]
A
It also calms and like they. It's hard to yell over that and it just gets you to listen.
- [25:01]
B
I only regret because they went to the. They got it for me. They tuned it. Yeah, they were Taylor and the sound was big. But I'll get to it next time.
- [25:09]
A
You know, at the very end you were in slumbering. But I'm kidding, it was, you know, it goes a little late. So they were a good crowd for being later at the last five minutes. I kid you not. Two high rollers came in and sat in the front row like this. And I go, you are not just getting here. And they go. I go, you see Dana? They go. I go, you know, I go, you know, these are these people because I said bow to the high rollers. Because they basically go, we're coming into gamble. We're high rollers. Front row to spade and carvey. Front row to any other show. Best restaurant, best table. We might come to the show, have the tickets ready and they go, that's right. High roller, you get whatever you want.
- [25:54]
B
And that's. So that first time I heard the phrase paper, you know, we're going to paper it. What do you mean? Well, they're going to have high rollers. They're not going to charge them for the show. And if you get 100, 200 of those, you're. You're halfway there. I probably told you this once, but it's a story that it relates to this and I'm quoting it exactly. It was at the Old the wind is there now. The Tesserd Inn or something like that. Anyway, I was doing a sound check, which I normally do, and there's kind of like Dems and does. Guys was running the show, Dems and does. So I accidentally asked him. It becomes an accident. I go, how are the ticket sales? He said, quote, you know, what do I give a shit? I got Indonesians dropping 16 Lodge upstairs. What do I give a shit? I got Indonesians dropping 16 lodge upstairs. So the Indonesians, who are well, wealthy, get their own private suite with young ladies and the whole thing, and they bet a ton of money. So what do I give a. I got Indonesians dropping 16 large upstairs.
- [26:56]
A
It's so perfect. Kevin Neal, and I think it was said he did Vegas and he, you know, he's supposed to headline, dude. They go do like, 45. He did 48. He got off, and the guy goes, what the are you doing? Three minutes, they could be out in the casino. What are you doing? You trying to kill me? He's like, oh, I didn't. I thought it'd be better if I went along. He goes, who the fuck wants you to go long? Get off.
- [27:18]
B
Yeah, well, Dennis is always. He's somebody who has show business. He knows show business. So when he played this hotel, he used to play, he would time it where he would leave his room full stride. I don't know if he had someone hold the elevator or not. And then he's walking right onto the stage as they're introducing him. He's not. There's no small talk. There's no green room. He just walks right to the mic destroys for an hour because that's Dennis, right? And then there's a clock. And as soon as it hits 60, even if he's in the middle of a bit, good night. And he just kills. But he's just like.
- [27:58]
A
There's no settling in bits. Like, I walk out. Hey, guys. Oh, I used to come to San Bernardino all the time because I'm in a gang, so you know what I mean? And then they go, ahah. And then. But Dennis walks out and he just goes, ronald Reagan will be 77. I was like, oh, we're starting. Okay.
- [28:21]
B
And that goes to. You know, what's the one where I don't even let My grandfather, Ronald Reagan.
- [28:28]
A
Is 77 at the end of his next term. And he has access to the button. Okay, to put it in perspective, my grandfather's 77. We don't let him use the remote control on the TV set. So, Dana, you Have a massive house obviously. I have a little tiny shack that you know, it's just humble is 2.
- [28:48]
B
000 square feet massive.
- [28:51]
A
So. So when you need home security, which a lot of people do, it's not a bad thing. I always watch something online that shows someone got and they always have video mount front which is yeah, better to have video. But could a home security system call security itself to respond if someone's already inside?
- [29:12]
B
That's the idea. Can we improve this? Can we make it better? And now I guess we're about to announce there is a new way to actually stop someone from entering your home.
- [29:24]
A
Right. Simply safe. This is a little different. You can stop it before it happens. The idea is AI powered cameras detect threats while they're still outside your home and alert real security agents. And then the game changer is the agents take action while the intruder is still outside.
- [29:41]
B
I like that they confront the intruder. They let them know they're being watched on camera and that the police is on the way. And even sounding a siren allowed or triggering a spotlight if needed. This is how you stop a crime before it starts. You want to get them when they're outside your house. That's real security.
- [30:00]
A
I mean listen now and then maybe it's someone on the sidewalk but if someone's getting in your grill of your house. Yeah. You want to stop it before and you got to let them know you're already busted. You really want to do this. And they're like nope.
- [30:11]
B
Yep. And they're called monitoring agents. Simply say monitoring agents. They got your back and they talk to the intruders even if you aren't home.
- [30:20]
A
Yeah. No long term contracts or hidden fees. You cancel any time. Name best home security system by U.S. news and World Report for five years running.
- [30:30]
B
60 day money back guarantee. So you can try it. See the difference for yourself.
- [30:35]
A
Yeah. And you know what? It's better because I think something like this, these criminals, they'll probably skip your house if they have this. You know what I mean? Just go to somewhere easier.
- [30:46]
B
That's right.
- [30:47]
A
Right now our listeners can save 50% on SimpliSafe home security system at simplisafe.com.
- [30:55]
B
FOTW that's simplisafe.com FOTw. There's no safe like simply safe.
- [31:04]
A
Every fall I find myself reaching for the same reliable pieces. I got the sweaters, the jackets, the layers. They actually hold up and feel amazing. And that's why I keep coming back to quints. They've got fall staples you'll actually wear on repeat 100% Mongolian cashmere from just $60. Classic fit denim and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and lasts. Lately, I've been eyeballing their suede trucker jacket. Perfect for layering.
- [31:33]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [31:34]
A
I can be layered, Hamilton super casual, but still makes you feel put together. You know what I like most is that Quince works directly with ethical factories and top artisans, cutting out the middleman.
- [31:48]
B
That means, David, premium quality at about half the price of similar brands. I'm going to say it again. About half the price of similar brands. I picked up a few sweaters, cozy and even some bedding. Recently, everything has held up beautifully. Quince has really become my go to across the board.
- [32:06]
A
David, layer up this fall with pieces that feel as good as they look. Go to quince.com fly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-N-C-E.com fly free shipping and 365 day returns.
- [32:24]
B
Quince.com fly. You know how we always remember the quirkiest bit? So Dennis had another one. You know, they're coming out with that craft Matic bed these days. Have you seen that? You know, getting that V go. And you know what? You wake up and you go, wait a minute. Did I blow myself last night?
- [32:47]
A
Yeah, you get that V going. It's decision time. Did I suck my own dick? Yeah. Is that weird?
- [32:54]
B
He tagged it with that.
- [32:56]
A
Yeah, the Lee Harvey Oswald. He goes, I haven't seen choreography that smooth since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer.
- [33:05]
B
Boom.
- [33:05]
A
Yeah. And he goes, Jesus. He goes. And he goes, look at that. They pull him in. They go, hey, boss, Jack Ruby's here. He owns a local strip club. He's got a handgun. Should I let him in? Yeah. Who the fuck are they turning away?
- [33:21]
B
He was probably the times where I had to follow Dennis because we used to. Me, him and Kevin went out a little bit and we'd flip a coin. You had to deal with that energy because that last 15 Pelosi. And it's like a wave of just the. His rhythm and that sarcasm and all the references. And then here comes Dana Gurney in that special. Take me a While, man, to deal with that.
- [33:50]
A
I got something else to tell you. I'm gonna read you something you didn't know.
- [33:53]
B
Okay, this is very hard because I.
- [33:55]
A
Know even Heather will like this. This is. This is just some fun facts about playing cards. I didn't know. I learned this 52 cards.
- [34:04]
B
The traditional playing cards thing. Okay.
- [34:07]
A
Yeah. Oh, I thought you already knew it. Yep. 52 cards in a deck.
- [34:11]
B
Was that the question?
- [34:12]
A
No, there's more to it. 52 cards equals 52 weeks in a year.
- [34:19]
B
Yes.
- [34:20]
A
Four suits is the four seasons.
- [34:24]
B
Yes.
- [34:24]
A
Black and red is day, night. 13 cards. Because 13 weeks in a season in each suit. No one's shocked yet. Are you shocked yet? I love this.
- [34:34]
B
I'm a little. I'm just. I'm. I'm really curious if it's.
- [34:38]
A
Why. Why it's all tied into this one.
- [34:40]
B
Well, also, who invented these traditional playing cards?
- [34:42]
A
I don't know what the last. The last one is. If you add the cards together and go, ace, ace, two, two, two. It's 364. If you add them all and then 365 days is the joker for leap.
- [34:58]
B
Year, it's pretty cool.
- [35:01]
A
Isn't that cool? If it all fits. If it's not full on bullshit.
- [35:04]
B
Would you rather be able to fucking ar. I got a question for you. Not would you rather be able to juggle really well, or would you rather be able to be one of those guys with playing cards, you know, the Lance Birds? And they're playing them out and then they're gone.
- [35:21]
A
And I think the cards, it's too.
- [35:23]
B
I would say the cards.
- [35:24]
A
Palming cards. I saw a guy the other day palming. He goes, there's your card. And he goes, no cards. No cards. There's your card and it's on his. I go, I never know what's going on.
- [35:32]
B
They do the sleeve and they're like, there's the card and then there's no card.
- [35:37]
A
You know, it's like, unreal.
- [35:38]
B
I love it. Lance Burton was always. Man, was he brilliant. Is brilliant. Lance Burton, remember him?
- [35:44]
A
Yeah.
- [35:45]
B
He'd be like this, hey, folks, how you doing? Then he'd have a lit candle in his hand. You know, what's up? He's in a tuxedo and lit candle. You know, it's like. And then it goes like that and it's gone.
- [35:56]
A
Yeah, he's Gervais's guy. You see Lance Burton, he's pretty good. You got to go see him. I'll get you in half off. What about. What about Gervis?
- [36:06]
B
Watch?
- [36:06]
A
I know it looks good. That phone. I didn't know where it went.
- [36:14]
B
Lance. Yeah, he was one of Lance Burton's guys.
- [36:17]
A
So. So just for the people at home that like to hear Gerber stories, you. I guess Dana doesn't like money. He goes, I'm coming to your show. Lucky you And I go, great. Brings his kid and Tommy from the office. And then they go, nice boys, I.
- [36:28]
B
Got a booth for us.
- [36:29]
A
I know you like booths because you're a little baby. So we got a booth, 5:15. I go, get your high chair. 5:15. Are we going to get sunburned?
- [36:37]
B
I go, show us at 8.
- [36:41]
A
And we do have a quick meet and greet right before. But I go, 5:15. I go, what do we do? Do I go back to my room? That's a little smidge early. He goes, nope. You know, it gets crazy in there and a lot of people come to the show. 3,000 people. I go, all right, well let's maybe a little later. And he goes, why later? And I go. He goes, we got to get on this. I go, well, I don't want to rot for five. I don't go on because till nine. So we. So at 4:58, he goes downstairs, everything's.
- [37:12]
B
Syllables with a chirping positive downstairs.
- [37:15]
A
Got your booze?
- [37:16]
B
Why not?
- [37:17]
A
Oh, I want a tuna sandwich. I can't eat it. My jaw hurts. Oh, my neck. That's his impression of me. So I go, well, I'll order something. But I just got in. I think Dana's gonna lay around for a second. So I go, I'll come down. But I feel guilty. He's already there. And then I take a shower and get ready and then I write my set list and I send him an order just to buy some time. Okay, orders in within seconds.
- [37:42]
B
I go, now I gotta do is eat it.
- [37:45]
A
Now what? I got some bread. I'll save you some.
- [37:47]
B
I got you a napkin.
- [37:49]
A
Napkins already. I folded it.
- [37:52]
B
I was smart about that because I did the math and said I'm going to relax here. I don't. I'm gonna go over my stand up notes and I'm gonna order room service because I know it'll be fast because everyone's in the casino. And then I'm gonna toddle in at 6:30, have a little water. Because too much small talk and too much backstage chatter kind of takes a little bit energy. So every time you go on stage, you're like exhausted. So I felt sorry for you down there. I go, spades getting wiped out down there. I'm just relaxing up here with my notes.
- [38:26]
A
I finally text you. I go, dana, come.
- [38:28]
B
Because I know a desperate text pretty much.
- [38:32]
A
Well, we were having fun. Actually, Gervaise is fun to hang out and.
- [38:35]
B
No, it is fun. It's just energy before the show and.
- [38:38]
A
It was like 6:30. I'm like, Danny, get down here. And then we'll all just hang out there instead of the green room because it was a nice place. And then his kid goes, you don't understand. We got here at 2. And I go, why 2? And he goes, ask him. And Mark goes, gotta get here early. Gotta set up. Gotta make sure he's okay. Got him. Gamble a little bit, Jackson. Here's $10. Walk around for five hours spend.
- [39:00]
B
Just. Those guys were just young, strapping guys. Like six foot, handsome young men walking around the casino. But anyway, this is what you said to me at 6:31. Are you coming down? Coming. Spelled C O M G denotes a bit of panic. Are you coming down? We finished just hanging.
- [39:23]
A
Yeah. Meaning you don't have to order. You don't do anything.
- [39:26]
B
Like I said. Yeah, I was about to leave the room. What's your problem? Where are you? I don't want to go to the Pinecone restaurant.
- [39:34]
A
We went to the Pine Cone.
- [39:35]
B
You know what happened to me? I met a super fan. Oh, boy. Here's the super fan. Because I was fluffed and folded looking like Dana.
- [39:40]
A
Oh, you brought them over.
- [39:42]
B
Well, then she goes, oh, oh, you're. You're with David Spade. Can I give this to him? So I said, just follow me, because she seemed. She didn't seem dangerous. So I walked in, and then she handed you something, and that was it.
- [39:54]
A
I'm your biggest fan. Blam, blam, blam, blam. I go, dana.
- [39:59]
B
No, I mean, she did get you into a soft headlock, which I thought was.
- [40:05]
A
It was legal in ufc. Yeah, she gave me a note because I did a favor for her, so.
- [40:12]
B
That's right. That's what she said. She's very sweet.
- [40:16]
A
I kept the note, which is.
- [40:17]
B
I can read the room, David. I knew she wasn't, you know.
- [40:20]
A
Yeah, I can read the.
- [40:22]
B
I can read the fan.
- [40:24]
A
All right. What else did you do? Before we get to the headlines, what else?
- [40:29]
B
Well, it's just the week of. The week of Trump right now so far, obviously, because of the cease fire and the hostages being released. And it was really funny. Yeah, he's. Well, that I wanted to talk about. I mean, obviously Time magazine and Trump are not best friends, but this peace.
- [40:54]
A
Thing, this is a reluctant cover.
- [40:57]
B
So somebody. Somebody at Time magazine went up to the editor. Okay, we're putting them on the COVID We have to. The hostages are back there could be a peace deal. What picture would you like? Well, sir, we have one where it's from below which shows kind of the folds in his neck.
- [41:15]
A
Yeah. What makes the worst.
- [41:16]
B
Like, he's completely bald.
- [41:17]
A
How about he has three wispy hairs or a cloud above his head?
- [41:25]
B
That is so funny that they're like, we gotta put him on. But what is the absolute worst. Let's go right up his nose, right under his chin and. And then it's like, I hate to.
- [41:36]
A
Use your term, vagina neck, but he might have a little bit of. It's unfair because the shirt with a tie pulls your neck together like that.
- [41:45]
B
Yeah. Well, look at us. I mean, basically a good photo. Trump does a lot like his mug shot, if they can find. That was straightforward. He took one of the best mug shots in all those trials, and it's straightforward. He juts his jaw and so this one was. I thought it was just funny that they. They must have been laughing.
- [42:03]
A
Well, they go back. Did they put his name on it? They don't put his name on it.
- [42:07]
B
No.
- [42:08]
A
It doesn't even say Trump on there. It said this guy.
- [42:12]
B
It said this guy. Yeah. I mean, come on. Do you have any other Time magazine things you can pull up, Greg, of a regular one, like with, you know, Clinton or Obama or something? Because that is just. I thought it was pretty funny.
- [42:27]
A
I wouldn't even put that on Instagram.
- [42:29]
B
Christ. 6. You know, he's got more folds in his neck than the Ben Folds Five car.
- [42:35]
A
Ben Folds Five.
- [42:37]
B
So, okay, there we go. Those are Obama's.
- [42:39]
A
That many? Oh, my God.
- [42:42]
B
Look. Look at Obama's straightforward.
- [42:44]
A
Like, there's a couple repeats on there.
- [42:45]
B
In the top right. Click on that. That is a great picture.
- [42:49]
A
And the one with hope is everywhere. That that was.
- [42:51]
B
Or third from the left. It's just him face for. Well, they're all great.
- [42:55]
A
That probably got him the election. That Hope one. Yeah, that one with the three colors.
- [43:02]
B
Trump's basically 80. And this is. Obama became president at, what, 45. Also, he didn't have any folds in his neck. That's the thing. The thing I want to say, which I did, I did in my standup at the casino, I was about how it's hard to compliment Trump if you have a problem with him. So they'd sort of. I just wanted to say there was. The peace deal was a great thing, releasing the hostages. One of. Want to give a shout out to Senator Rubio, Secretary Rubio, and Jared Kushner and. And excuse me, who's that? No, I said, kushner, don't jump. So, I mean, I did that. I did that and then I did it. I hatched it. On our podcast. And then I did it at the casino and it killed. That's always fun.
- [44:00]
A
Okay, what next story? What else? Let's get into some stories. My fire alarm went off. I don't know if you want to hear about that.
- [44:05]
B
I. I would. Were you scared?
- [44:08]
A
So boring. I scared shitless. Dude, it was 2:00am oh, it was.
- [44:14]
B
2:00Am it's pouring rain.
- [44:16]
A
2:00Am and not just that. Not that one, which will drive you bonkers, but like full sirens and fire. Fire. Oh, it's not even questioning it's a fire. So I pop out with no plan. But I'm scared. My heart's beating a million, and then it stops. And I'm like, I don't even know what to do. And here's how crazy I think someone did something. I put a match up to a smuggler to flush me out of my bedroom. Like they're trying to rob the place. So I freaked out.
- [44:48]
B
Well, it could be the hot air in the brain's room.
- [44:52]
A
Oh, really? Maybe that's been a while. You know the brains of a house where you have like. Yeah, they get hot, you know, all these.
- [45:01]
B
It got too warm inside a room.
- [45:04]
A
And it might be kicking off, but it took this long. I've been here three or four years. But anyway, it went off. I pooped my pants. Obviously freaked out. And then it stopped. But I couldn't. I was like, are firemen coming? It was terrifying. Couldn't sleep for an hour.
- [45:17]
B
Oh, terrible.
- [45:17]
A
And then. And then, you know, just whacked off, went to bed. Whatever I do normally and is to calm down. And then. So I wake up. Then I'm scared all day. We look in and we go, it'll never happen again. That night again fire at the same.
- [45:32]
B
Time or just at night after our.
- [45:34]
A
Gig, when I got home at 5 in the morning this time, never in the day. Too convenient.
- [45:40]
B
I will solve this. But that is. You want to know the weirdest thing I've ever seen at night? Or did you have finished your thoughts?
- [45:47]
A
Well, yesterday we fixed him and Heather got electrocuted by.
- [45:53]
B
Was it just a reboot kind of thing?
- [45:55]
A
He doesn't care. No one cares. I'm telling you. You can try everyone and no one bites on that. They.
- [46:01]
B
Oh, cool.
- [46:02]
A
So she's alive. Or dead, anyway. So it's electrocuted.
- [46:06]
B
Dana, you did. You did. You like, you fell away and got you. Oh, you got a shock and fell down.
- [46:13]
A
120 volts. 1, 2, 0 volts.
- [46:16]
B
Wow. What does that feel like? Your whole body. Your whole body Goes, geez, didn't you.
- [46:22]
A
But no one's giving her enough empathy.
- [46:24]
B
Gloves on. Did you have gloves on?
- [46:25]
A
We did not have shit because we were ragtag mission. Put the ladder up. Get up. I tried it. She tried. I tried to unscrew, unscrew, unplug. Forget the batteries. You got to get the wires out. And our guy goes, it won't shock you naturally. He's like, okay, it might shock you a little bit. We're like, so he came over today. He's doing all of them, Redoing all of them. Because I'm too scared. Mm. I would pay money to not have.
- [46:52]
B
That stuff wears you down.
- [46:54]
A
I mean, I go, dana, I go, I'll pay anything. I just want this to stop. He goes, all right, we're gonna. Each one's gonna cost this much. I go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said, I'll pay anything.
- [47:04]
B
And then he goes, I'll pay.
- [47:05]
A
Okay. They're 40 bucks for a new one. I go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [47:10]
B
Well, we bought a new range, Brand new. Superstar range. Range. And they put it in the kitchen. Had to take the old one out. 50 years old. Man, it's gorgeous. But if you put it to 400, the oven heats to 350, so you have to put it to 450. So it was just bugging us, like, what was wrong? So a guy came out, like, hey, I'll fix this. You know, usually the customer is too stupid to understand. He's got the whole thing taken apart. He's on his knees in the kitchen. He's on the phone. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. So they're coming back.
- [47:44]
A
Ah. More.
- [47:45]
B
But I want to tell you the scaredest I've ever been in the night.
- [47:51]
A
Go ahead.
- [47:53]
B
Living in Encino didn't really understand or was. I knew what opossum was. Was not aware of possums in particular. So there's. The alarm goes off the front door. We believe that we're looking at a rat the size of a border collie. Like, it seemed like a seven rat.
- [48:15]
A
Yeah.
- [48:16]
B
And we're both flipped out. And then we had to go, oh, it's going away. And it's. It's 2:00am oh, it's a possum. It's a possum. But that one blink of a rat that big stayed with me.
- [48:27]
A
I thought the scared as you had been is when you had pressure on your chest from a ghost when you're on a trip.
- [48:33]
B
Well, that was more. Well, that was an actual poltergeist pressing down on me. It wasn't an illusion and it wasn't a mistake. Impossible rat. It was just because it happened. Then I go, I must have been an awakened dream state. I'll go back to sleep. Then happened right again when I was awake as I am, you know.
- [48:52]
A
And then I remember when you had that illusion.
- [48:53]
B
Yeah, yeah. No, that was this heavy weight, you know, about £150 on me.
- [48:59]
A
Terrifying.
- [49:00]
B
I realized it was you. I woke up my wife. Don't we have a show tonight?
- [49:08]
A
Let's get on the pod.
- [49:09]
B
You're like, buddy, wake up. Dana. Get off me.
- [49:15]
A
This is a nice hotel.
- [49:18]
B
Get off me. I'm trying to do Chris Farley. I'm starving.
- [49:24]
A
Lay off me. I'm starving. Okay, let's go to that story. This is a story you gave you had about A.I.
- [49:32]
B
Okay. I just want to set this up. That this is real and this is the future. And you're seeing this at some port in America where everything is a robot controlled by AI.
- [49:43]
A
Or China. Yeah, or China. I think it's China. Yeah.
- [49:45]
B
Oh, really?
- [49:47]
A
Beep bop, boop boop boo. Oh, see, they don't crash.
- [49:52]
B
Nope.
- [49:53]
A
There. There's no road rage at all.
- [49:55]
B
No road rage all.
- [49:57]
A
Look at how close they come.
- [49:58]
B
Yep, not a problem. Right in self driving Tetris. Yep.
- [50:03]
A
I can handle that. We. We would usually in America have a guy like this with a flag and.
- [50:10]
B
But everything. Yeah, everything comes off the boat. Everything is moved. Everything has moved to another. A truck or something without employees. And that's what I call a secular trend. You know what a secular trend is?
- [50:23]
A
No, sir.
- [50:24]
B
It's just things that aren't political. They're sort of like, you know, people are aging, they're living longer. And now we're seeing robotics. I basically doing all these jobs, so.
- [50:36]
A
Fighting it every step of the way.
- [50:37]
B
And that's not what. Whoever is the president or the Congress, we're just. We're just transitioning into this.
- [50:44]
A
This. Well, it saves money. And that's what's making it.
- [50:48]
B
That's the job of the corporation is to be more productive.
- [50:53]
A
People that have jobs have no jobs. And it's.
- [50:55]
B
I know. So universal basic income. How much do you think it should be when there's just no jobs you got to give people.
- [51:03]
A
Oh, It'll probably. No. 50,000. I don't know. Is that it? Too high? Too low?
- [51:11]
B
I don't know.
- [51:12]
A
I mean every. I don't know what you'll be doing. You need money for gas? Well, you Need. It will be like a microchip in your hand and you'll have to just go, I get this. I have carbon, but not. I have carbon points against me. I can't do it. Takes money out of your bank. I mean, the future. I think those things are sort of happening.
- [51:33]
B
Well, you know, this slow transition to a lot of four day weeks and stuff with companies, you know, three day weekends or work from home, or because of the AI and machinery and automation, you know, like a McDonald's might have one or two employees instead of eight or nine, you know, because of automation. So that's the first thing that's planning jobs. But I think initially, you know, a thousand a month is a good barrier for people who have some kind of job and have some income. But another thousand a month net keeps them.
- [52:08]
A
Did I go too high?
- [52:10]
B
Well, I. I don't know. It's depend. How many. How do we do it? I don't know. This is, you know, Elon Musk is talking about, we got to give. We're gonna have to give money to people. We're gonna give money jobs. Gervitz. What?
- [52:26]
A
Heather, check in with him, see what he wants. Losing his mind. Gervitz keeps calling and interrupting the podcast.
- [52:32]
B
He keeps track of her schedule. He knows we're doing a podcast.
- [52:35]
A
No, I don't. I talked to Steven Marty.
- [52:38]
B
It's a nice little run you start in Toronto. That's all. I'll say.
- [52:42]
A
He has so many comedians. He's like, ugh, Steve Martin and Martin Short are his favorites to put on the road. I went and saw Steven Marty.
- [52:51]
B
Yeah, I know. They do a lot of dates.
- [52:54]
A
They're great. All right, next story, next story, next story.
- [52:57]
B
Keep it rolling.
- [52:58]
A
Keep moving. We're just rolling right along. My glowing hair.
- [53:04]
B
Where does that door go into?
- [53:08]
A
Where does the door go? Into the air.
- [53:10]
B
Into the air. I don't know.
- [53:11]
A
Biggest question I get is, where do these doors go?
- [53:14]
B
Am I a new place? So you can actually open these doors? We're not supposed to because they're helping safety stuff, but you can open them. Yeah, I don't really like heights, so I'm not opening it.
- [53:22]
A
But when you move into a place.
- [53:23]
B
Like this high, basically you get given parachutes.
- [53:26]
A
So if anything happens, you have to.
- [53:28]
B
Open one of them doors and just send it.
- [53:30]
A
Is that true?
- [53:31]
B
Is that true? He's got a parachute in his closet, and if there's something happens, he'll parachute out. Just picture Tom Cruise designed the building.
- [53:40]
A
Well, if there was some sort of 9, 11 situation you're up there, you'd be like, if this is my only option. And you have. You're so high. I would never live one of those buildings. But if you're so high, what do you got to get a Phillips and take the hinges off the door first? It doesn't.
- [53:53]
B
What's the highest you've lived? The highest building you've lived in?
- [53:57]
A
Oh, not much. I mean, even New York, it was probably like 12th floor. I don't like when your ears pop on an elevator. I don't like that.
- [54:05]
B
I. My first year there, I was in a 44th floor at the Bromley. Columbus Circle. No. Then eventually I went to the Bromley. It was like three floors. You could jump. There was a dumpster and be safe, you know.
- [54:19]
A
Who lived at the Bromley? You? Mike Farley for a while.
- [54:24]
B
Me first. Then they all came in.
- [54:26]
A
Yeah, they did. They followed because they go, who do we know? And someone says, oh, the Bromley is nice. I was Upper west side, but I never got to the Bromley. It was too rich, my blood. But I think even Nealon, maybe Dennis.
- [54:37]
B
Well, it was great. I mean, they had big, big windows and that. You're kind of on top of a movie theater. You could leave for a movie starting at 2 o' clock at 1:59 and still be early. So, you know, and it was Columbus. Columbus Avenue was a block away and it's Columbus Cafe. And, you know, it's like a really, really good place to live.
- [55:01]
A
Yes. So it was by Columbus Cafe that John went to a lot.
- [55:04]
B
Love it. I went there a lot. Yeah, Columbus was cool.
- [55:08]
A
Dana, what does a confident smile say to you? And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you? With Smile Generation, it says you're taking care of more than just your teeth. Because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile. It's about your whole body wellness. Smile Generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long term confidence. Why? Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes, and even cognitive conditions. When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future. And that confidence. It starts with feeling supported. With Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.
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B
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- [56:30]
A
All right, introducing your new Dell PC. Powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor, it helps you handle a lot even when your holiday to do list gets to be you know a lot because it's built with all day battery plus powerful AI features that help you do it all with ease. From editing images to drafting emails to summarizing large documents to multitasking.
- [56:53]
B
So you can organize your holiday shopping and make custom holiday decor and search for great holiday deals and respond to holiday requests and customer questions and customers requesting custom things. And plan the perfect holiday dinner for vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians and Uncle Mike's carnivore diet.
- [57:11]
A
Luckily you can get a PC that helps you do it all faster so you can get it all done. That's the power of a Dell PC with Intel inside backed by Dell's price match guarantee.
- [57:21]
B
Get yours today@dell.com holiday terms and conditions apply. See dell.com for details.
- [57:28]
A
When it comes to gifting, I've learned there's two types of presence really get returned. Yeah, you know, some you return over art set.
- [57:35]
B
Yeah.
- [57:35]
A
And some that become your favorite. Jenny Bird jewelry definitely falls in the second category. The designs are modern, timeless and always feel special. Which makes them my secret weapon when I want a gift that really lands. Here's why Jenny Bird makes it easy. The packaging is beautiful. It feels thoughtful, nice. The pieces are comfortable enough to wear every day and they ship fast.
- [57:58]
B
Perfect. Perfect. If you're a last minute shopper like me. Guilty as charged. And because the styles, David, are so versatile, they always make an outfit feel pulled together without trying too hard. Some of my go tos. All right, listen and learn the best selling Florence earrings which always get compliments and the Remy bangle.
- [58:21]
A
These are gifts you'll actually want to keep. You can get 20% off your first order with Jenny Bird by visiting jenny-bird.com and using code F OTW at the checkout. Jenny Bird. Okay, next one.
- [58:40]
B
Something about the richest richest man in man in China just bought a facility in New Hampshire. Now what is he doing? He actually bought it for his beverage company for over $60 million. Way over the asking price. And it's right next to what the town's water supply. He's gathering 2 million gallons per day for his beverage company. So now the Chinese have control of New Hampshire's water supply. Allow a whole nother country to buy up freeways because they bought highways in your hometown. Farmland. Highways. So the Chinese just bought the data. You know those fast lanes. What do they call them in. In the speed lanes?
- [59:20]
A
Yeah, speed lanes, right.
- [59:22]
B
They just bought a highway.
- [59:23]
A
That's it. Either.
- [59:24]
B
What, what can't they buy?
- [59:27]
A
Well, I know that Chicago sold the rights of the parking meters in town to Saudi Arabia.
- [59:34]
B
Saudi Arabia.
- [59:36]
A
Because they needed quick money. And now they're. They're making a billion dollars more than they thought they would. And so they really Saudi won that one. But all that money goes to them now. So I don't know. Could you buy things in China from America? Could you buy the same things? I think that's the point of that whole thing is, are we being dumb?
- [59:58]
B
I don't know. That is. That's the whole kind of issue, I guess, is like, can they can buy our stuff? Can we buy their stuff? They can sell us their stuff. Can we sell our stuff? That's that whole tariff thing, right, which every president has tariffs. But Trump went a little bigger. We're gonna go big. We're gonna go big. We're gonna go big.
- [60:22]
A
And when the people get mad now, he'll go, I'm the hostage guy. Leave me alone.
- [60:27]
B
Remember, you just gotta wait. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good. I mean, it is interesting how much the stock market just goes crazy if Trump says something or Jerome Powell.
- [60:36]
A
What happened with bitcoin the other day took a.
- [60:40]
B
It took a mother. I don't know. Bitcoin dirtiest.
- [60:43]
A
It was like at 124 and in 30 minutes it dropped to like 109. And then the raw. I'm not going to say which ones, but there was some apps that wouldn't let you buy low. They're like, we're having difficulties. And I think there's one dude that bought and then it went back up and he.
- [61:02]
B
Do you. And I'm just gonna say it's John Kenneth Center. Now, David, you be honest here. Do you understand bitcoin?
- [61:13]
A
I do not.
- [61:14]
B
I've. I've had people who are, you know, this is the future. And I've never. I've never quite grasp it. I know because gold is like 4100 an ounce. So I could see a hedge alternative currency, but I don't know why it goes up to a million dollar a coin in 2030.
- [61:33]
A
I mean, someone could Explain it to us. But I. All I know is in my dealings with it, I buy high, sell low.
- [61:43]
B
You think you should buy low, sell high.
- [61:46]
A
I know, I think I heard it wrong because I definitely got out. I didn't really lose money, but it went up and then it sort of came back down and then I got scared.
- [61:56]
B
I just have some which it's at a level that I can afford to lose. Was just like in case it goes to 3 million a coin. I don't want to be, you know, was chump change sitting in there, dick in my hand. Yeah, I agree.
- [62:13]
A
I don't have any left, but I do have a Pokemon card. No, I don't have anything really.
- [62:20]
B
I understand the premise of a company that makes goods or services that people really like and pay for those goods and services and then the company gushers in all this money and has net earnings and so forth. I understand that. But bitcoin as an alternative currency, I can understand it and the built in scarcity that they have. So. So basically this is what I have a hard time wrapping my mind around. There's a seventh grader in 2009, hey man, I'm going to buy some bitcoin. Dude, I don't know how much is it? It's about 4 cents a bitcoin. I'm going to buy 500 of them and then by 2016 that guy's worth 50 billion and gets out. He's like a high school senior. That I don't understand.
- [63:07]
A
I definitely would get out if I would never be the guy that keeps is all in the whole time. I would be like, I'm going to trickle it out even if it goes up, but I'm going to get something out of this shit. Because when FTX went down, that's why I sold mine, because I go, oh, I didn't know it could go to zero. I thought it could just go up and down. But everything went like this is etf. FTX was when, oh, oh, that thing, you know, Tom Brady was tied into it.
- [63:35]
B
And you're like a cryptocurrency.
- [63:37]
A
Yeah, some crypto thing just flattened and I go, oh, I don't like this. Somebody could be just scamming, you know.
- [63:44]
B
Well, do you understand this concept, the greater fool theory? The greater fool theory is that you buy an asset, say bitcoin and eventually goes up and up and up. You bought it for like 3,000 a coin, now it's a hundred thousand coin. So for you to make money you got to sell it to someone who's not disturbed by getting in at a hundred thousand or two hundred thousand. So all you need is a greater fool to sell it to. Yeah, get out, convert it to cash dollars and then buy a mansion. But I'm not against bitcoin. I hope it works out for the friends of mine that are in it. I hope it. Yeah, Thesis, it already has, you know, 120 bitcoin thousand.
- [64:27]
A
Anyway. Okay, next one. Let's see. Then we'll wrap up. We're getting.
- [64:31]
B
Then we'll wrap up. We're getting in. We're getting deep in the weeds. It's been a great episode.
- [64:36]
A
Okay, okay. This just says the word machine. Oh, I know what this is. I thought it's like, not heavy.
- [64:43]
B
It's not that big. I watch these every night.
- [64:47]
A
How much time I need to do, like, same like waiting.
- [64:53]
B
I would say at least four.
- [64:53]
A
These guys are musclemen explaining to the jam.
- [64:57]
B
We have to get Anatoly. Is it okay?
- [64:59]
A
I'll just try with you. These guys are the hilarious looking.
- [65:05]
B
Look how roided they are. And look at his little suit and his beard.
- [65:11]
A
He just picks it up. He's a professional weightlifter, but they don't know. It's so great. Look at. He looks at himself.
- [65:21]
B
He's one of the strongest men for his size in the world.
- [65:25]
A
We're doing, like, usually like this one, they use two hands. They can barely pick it up. Yeah, I'm just son of my mom.
- [65:31]
B
What do you think?
- [65:33]
A
I'm naturally strong.
- [65:36]
B
Look at the rock knockoff on him to go. Are you kidding, bro, you're gonna hurt yourself.
- [65:43]
A
That guy's. That guy's the knock off the ball.
- [65:46]
B
I can't believe no one has seen it enough. He can still go into gyms and fool people, but Anatoly is a world class weightlifter. Like, he can bench, like, you know, 500 pounds and deadlift 600 pounds. He's incredibly strong for 5, 10, 170. And he goes in there, he puts on a fig beard. And he does have a bit of an accent, but he plays like the idiot. Guys, guys, you mind if I get in there?
- [66:11]
A
It's like Borat coming.
- [66:12]
B
And they go, yeah, they think you're gonna. They say, man, you're gonna hurt yourself, man. No, I just want to show you great technique. Great. And then he does it. And then they go to the face.
- [66:22]
A
Yeah, he's like John Benetton.
- [66:24]
B
My algorithm feeds. I probably watched 10 of them last night.
- [66:28]
A
It's funny, I don't like prank ones, but that One is good because nobody gets hurt. It's just funny.
- [66:32]
B
It's not really mean. It's just.
- [66:34]
A
Yeah, no, it's not.
- [66:35]
B
Man. How do I do this? It's like, remember, we should go to a comedy club and just put on big beards and go, sorry, we don't really know. We're first time. Could we please do comedy?
- [66:45]
A
You know, I don't know if it would be quite. It's like when Jewel went in and did karaoke with a wig. Like she was just part of the girls from the office. And then everyone's like, she's good.
- [66:56]
B
I don't know. We probably. I'd probably bomb anyway by going too long with my Scarface bit.
- [67:04]
A
Dana, we all loved it.
- [67:06]
B
Oh, it's great to have a. You know, I sort of think to myself, huh, here I am 50 years in, kind of. Or 40 years in, and I still really care, you know, that I, that I get a lot of laughs and I kind of wonder. I go, it's not going to change my life. But it's the same vibe, same feel.
- [67:27]
A
You want to do good. Every time you get hired, you want them to say, you're worth the money. We're glad we hired you. You did a good job. You were nice to people. You made everyone happy. That's. I'm glad I saw that too. I don't like just walk in there and go, I don't give a.
- [67:40]
B
Like, oh, no. It's the exact same thing. When I do corporates, I know that a lot of great comedians have come before me over the years, and so I always want them to say, well, you were the best. It's my 10 year old boy of competitiveness, you know, Right.
- [67:57]
A
Sometimes they go, oh, you know, after your show, they walk you back. They go, you know who really killed here was. And I go, that's all. I don't even need to hear the name. That's fine.
- [68:05]
B
I know you know who it probably was. Sinbad.
- [68:11]
A
I thought it was you. I just did one where they go, Dana's on our next one. I was like, yeah.
- [68:18]
B
I go to the trouble of spending a half hour online looking at the company and then I do stuff about them. That's my, my little hat.
- [68:27]
A
That's smart.
- [68:29]
B
You know, I put in effort. I mean, I'm in the hotel room, I'm waiting. They're paying me ex, you know, very good money to do what I'm doing.
- [68:37]
A
So you're like, is Dale Watkins here from the executive branch of sales division? They're like, Dale, I heard you.
- [68:45]
B
I have all my shtick. I'll say to the minions that are there to guide me through. I go, so what do you. I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do again? Is it. Is it stand up, or can I just play the guitar? And they get.
- [68:55]
A
They take it seriously and sing songs. Can I just talk to the people?
- [68:59]
B
Yeah. Is it just sort of a.
- [69:01]
A
Am I just answering questions about the company? Right.
- [69:05]
B
Am I like, what. Do you mind if. I mean, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do here. I was hired. But could. I'd like to sing a little bit first.
- [69:14]
A
Seriously, you know, so can we play Duck, Duck Goose? Have you ever had him go, don't do literally anything about the CEO. Don't look at him. Don't say anything. Don't do anything.
- [69:25]
B
They say no political statements. Yeah, that's why I always say I don't. I don't do political statements.
- [69:31]
A
I roll up the whatever flag of whatever country. I go, oh, for real? Okay.
- [69:34]
B
Oh, okay. So that go. There goes my chunk.
- [69:37]
A
There goes my 20 minutes in the middle. Roll, roll, roll up. Hi.
- [69:42]
B
But the way I do it, it's not political statements. It's just political comedy. Different.
- [69:47]
A
All right, well, I think everyone. I think everyone's walking away a little dumber today.
- [69:51]
B
And we learned about the greater fool theory. We learned about automation, so planning jobs, and we tried to entertain. But if we can educate, we're very happy to do.
- [70:01]
A
I think everyone's like, this is like college.
- [70:05]
B
Yeah. Some people have to lie down. They get. They put a cold compress on their head.
- [70:09]
A
There you have so much.
- [70:10]
B
All the intellectual stimulation.
- [70:12]
A
These two dipshits are talking about so many things. I can't even.
- [70:16]
B
God, why didn't we call this podcast? These two dip shits.
- [70:22]
A
Yeah, it's a good word. Okay, well, Dana, I'll see you next week.
- [70:26]
B
Probably see you next week.
- [70:28]
A
Same bat time, same bad channel. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review, review, five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.
- [70:49]
B
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.
- [70:53]
A
Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
- [71:04]
B
Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by.
- [71:08]
A
Phil Susan Sweet tech booking by Cultivated entertainment.
- [71:12]
B
Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.
- [71:27]
A
Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email us@flyonthewalldysee.com that's a U D a C Y I com.