Teri Hatcher (IN STUDIO) Is “Real and Spectacular”

Summary

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Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Teri Hatcher (IN STUDIO) Is “Real and Spectacular”
Release Date: January 8, 2026
Guest: Teri Hatcher

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Episode Overview

The main theme of this vibrant in-studio conversation is Teri Hatcher’s journey through Hollywood, her iconic roles (including Lois & Clark, Desperate Housewives, and SNL), her new rewatch podcast, creative resilience, and her reflections on fame, career, and life. True to the Fly on the Wall format, comedians Dana Carvey and David Spade riff with Teri about her beginnings, challenges in showbiz, personal anecdotes, and lessons learned—all with warmth, candor, and signature wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Teri Hatcher’s Fitness and Approach to Aging

• Teri discusses her fitness routine, emphasizing slow resistance training for bone density as she ages.
  • "I do this like slow resistance weightlifting…you like get to two minutes and then you burn out. It’s supposed to be good for your bone density when you’re old like me." (05:18)
• The trio laughs about health, aging, and bone density tests.
• Dana and David also riff on their exercise routines and the pitfalls of “old paradigms” in fitness.

2. Teri’s Origins: From Math Major to “The Love Boat”

• Teri shares her unconventional start in entertainment, nearly becoming a math teacher before a serendipitous audition led her to TV.
  • "My parents wouldn’t pay for me to study anything else…then I got this crazy opportunity to be on The Love Boat. It’s a weird origin story." (12:39)
• Details her process of winning a national audition to become a “Mermaid” on The Love Boat, leading to her first agent and break in Hollywood.
• Anecdotes about flying alone for the first time and ordering room service with per diem are shared with nostalgic amusement.

3. Early Days in Hollywood & Comedy Community

• Teri’s early L.A. days involved living alongside aspiring comics (Pat Hazell, Joel Madison) and meeting future stars like Dennis Miller and Jeff Cesario.
  • "One of them early on said something like, 'You can hang out ‘cause you get the jokes.' That was a very big compliment...I’m obsessed with what you guys do." (22:16)
• She gushes about her admiration for stand-up and comedic timing, inspired by icons like Teri Garr in Tootsie and Young Frankenstein.

4. Loneliness, Overachievement & Surviving the Struggle

• Teri is upfront about her shy, nerdy disposition, transitions from academia to acting, and juggling odd jobs and TV gigs.
• Describes the “emotional violence” of Hollywood’s ups and downs:
  • "You’re only really out of this business when you quit…But the thing they don’t teach you…is what to do with yourself when you don’t have a job." (33:49)
• She reflects on failed auditions, nearly-missed breakout roles, and seasons of uncertainty (e.g., pre-Lois & Clark, post-Love Boat), reinforcing the value of perseverance.

5. Iconic Seinfeld Role & Becoming “Real and Spectacular”

• Teri retells the story of landing her “they’re real and they’re spectacular” Seinfeld role, a career-defining moment that catapulted her visibility.
  • "I have this exit line…I have this exit line where… I stick my head back in and I go, 'By the way, they're real and they're spectacular.' And that sort of became like this thing." (37:04)

6. Highlights & Realities of Fame: Lois & Clark and Desperate Housewives

• On Lois & Clark: The intensity and grind of network TV work (“75 hours a week, ten months a year”), and delayed recognition from her parents.
• On Desperate Housewives: The show’s surprising cultural influence, her research into the word “housewife,” and why she believes it found such success.
  • "I always felt like Sunday at 9pm was the hour when women had gotten their kids to bed…they could be like, this is mine, give me my glass of wine, I’m watching this show." (61:17)
• She shares the balancing act of being a single mom, staying grounded, and her lack of Hollywood airs.

7. Launching 'Desperately Devoted': Podcast Origin and Purpose

• Describes her new podcast with former co-stars (TV daughter Andrea Bowen and real-life daughter Emerson Tenney) as a Desperate Housewives rewatch show—but emphasizes it’s a springboard for personal, multigenerational conversations.
  • "I just like friends talking…we’re really using it as a springboard to talk about life." (11:15, 69:00)
• The chemistry between the hosts and their unique perspectives (different ages, life stages, orientations) is a key selling point.

8. On Comedy, Stand-up, and Creative Risk

• Teri recounts dabbling in stand-up (Showtime’s Funny Women of a Certain Age), working up a 20-minute set, and why comedy is an arena where she might want to create more (with encouragement from Brett Goldstein):
  • "It did make me feel like…if you have the discipline, it is an area where women my age can continue to tell their stories." (48:12)
• Dana and David praise her honesty and comedic instincts:
  • "You could do it at a very high level just based on hanging out with you." (49:26)

9. Reflecting on Career, Regret, and Moving Forward

• Teri is refreshingly frank about career disappointments, near-misses, and her philosophy of not dwelling on regret.
  • "There’s just no room to get caught up in regret…life has offered you what it has offered you, and you did your best with the tools that you had." (39:21)
• Candid talk about the joy, exhaustion, and fleeting nature of TV fame, and the necessity to appreciate moments while they last.

10. Life Offscreen: Simplicity and Personal Joys

• Teri reveals quirks—still lives in the same Valley house, drives a vintage VW bus and truck, and spends her money on experiences over luxury goods.
  • "I'm a hick, I'm a nerd and a neck—these are things people don't know about me." (66:33)
• Cherishes experiences like taking friends to concerts, and getting a surprise Hermes bag from her daughter.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On her Hollywood journey:
  "You’re only really out of this business when you quit." (33:49, Teri)
• Looking back on Seinfeld:
  "By the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular." (37:36, Teri)
• On being a nerd:
  "I wear the nerd badge. I love puzzles. I mean, I’m still a nerd, I’m totally a nerd, which is maybe why I don’t date, because I’m too shy." (13:59, Teri)
• Fitness advice:
  "The new paradigm is to lift lighter weights and make it hard, which usually means going very slow, staying in the work phase." (05:52, Dana)
• On life after TV fame:
  "It isn’t until it’s over that you get an opportunity to reflect back at what an amazing opportunity it was." (42:13, Teri)
• Regret and growth:
  "There's just no room to get caught up in regret...It just means you can't go back. And so there's no reason to keep harping on it and keep dwelling in it." (39:21, Teri)
• On her podcast:
  "The most fun about our podcast is, yes, we're rewatching Desperate Housewives, but we're using it as the springboard to be like a community of women talking about life." (69:00, Teri)
• Dana on showbiz:
  "This whole game of being in show business—it doesn't care about you. It's not personal. It's not trying to punish you. Stay away from victimhood and bitterness, because then you can't be successful." (35:24, Dana)
• Averageness, Stand-up, & Self-Acceptance:
  "So he backs away and he looks at me and he goes, 'terry, you have a totally average vagina.'" (47:43, Teri; funny story leads to stand-up, one-woman show talk.)

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Important Timestamps

• 05:12–10:00: Fitness routines and approaches to healthy aging.
• 12:39–16:47: Teri’s origin story—college, Love Boat audition, first agent.
• 22:16–24:23: Comedy roots, old Hollywood ties, admiration for stand-up.
• 32:06–34:51: Psychological toll of “making it” (or not) in showbiz.
• 37:04–37:36: The “real and spectacular” Seinfeld line and impact.
• 40:25–44:33: Realities of fame, work/life balance on TV hits.
• 48:12–49:00: Stand-up for “women of a certain age,” creative persistence.
• 61:04–61:58: The 'Housewife' brand and Sunday night TV phenomenon.
• 66:10–68:39: Personal joys, vintage cars, experience-over-possessions philosophy.
• 69:00–70:24: Desperately Devoted podcast—its vibe, sense of community.
• 70:54–71:04: Encouragement to pursue stand-up, “women of a certain age” in comedy.

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Tone & Overall Feel

The episode is breezy, supportive, and confessional. Teri Hatcher is candid and quick-witted, matching Dana and David’s comedic energy. There’s a sense of camaraderie as they swap industry stories and personal reflections, punctuated by teasing, nostalgia, and practical advice for performers.

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Final Thoughts

Listeners get an honest, entertaining, and often touching look into Teri Hatcher’s career highs and lows, her philosophy on aging and legacy, and her willingness to reinvent and risk in middle age. Her new podcast, “Desperately Devoted,” promises the same mix of old-school charm and current relevance, inviting the listener to become part of a broader, multigenerational conversation.

If you enjoy showbiz tales, comedy deep-dives, or simply want to feel like a fly on the wall with genuinely kind, funny people, this episode is “real and spectacular.”

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

I've heard this.

[A]

I've heard this. Yeah, I went out in the snow barefoot. Of course, I was a little out of LA a little bit, but yeah, I just want to feel something real. I want to touch grass, touch snow. It made me think about how disconnected our nutrition has gotten. My cupboard used to look like a graveyard of supplements with ingredient lists. And people would come over and go, are you okay?

[B]

Graveyard of supplements?

[A]

Yeah. I'm trying to read labels. It's like the Hunger Games. What brand can I trust? What's filler? What is artificial? Why does every clean product have something different? Feels like I'm being tricked. That's why. Cachava in a breath of fresh air. It simplifies everything. Since adding it into my routine, I felt a real difference. Steady energy, better digestion, a supported metabolism in mind, and even immunity benefits.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[C]

I kind of did the whole app routine and whatever. Not for very long, that type of stuff, you know, a little bit Wordle. Huh?

[A]

Wordle.

[C]

Oh, I.

[B]

Did Dennis ever ask you out?

[C]

I don't recall him asking me out. I do recall there being some discussion about making like a clay imprint of my ass, like for an ashtray or a bowl or something. So he backs away and he looks at me and he goes, terry, you have a totally average vagina.

[A]

So we have Teri Hatcher in studio. Very lovely. Yeah. Obviously we know her from a lot of things. And she also happened to host SNL when I was there. It was my last year, I think it was. We did a little Spade in America bit where we dressed as each other and did a bit as each other. And it was pretty funny. And she was very game for it. She was a lot of fun. She was doing, I think Lois and Clark at the time, I think it was. Or maybe Desperate Housewives. Anyway, definitely had a crush on her. She's so sweet, she's so nice. She's a very good person. And she came in here and was a. Was a lot of fun.

[B]

Yeah, I, I got to know her on the podcast. She's extremely bright, very self effacing and her whole story around Desert Housewives. Interesting. And how she has a new podcast with the woman who played her daughter on Desperate Housewives and her actual daughter.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

It's kind of like office ladies, but for Desperate Housewives.

[A]

Yeah, they watch. It's a rewatch show. And she's just a lot of fun. And I think you're gonna have a good time with her. And it's in studio, which is always a good time. So here she is.

[B]

She's right in that room with us. Magic right there.

[A]

Terry Hatcher.

[B]

Terry Hatcher.

[A]

That's Terri. She's known for being very nice.

[C]

You look incredible. Well, thank you so much.

[B]

Pilates?

[C]

No. You know, I do this like slow resistance weightlifting.

[B]

Smart.

[C]

Where you like get to two minutes and then you burn out. And it's supposed to be good for your bone density when you're Old like me.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

So that's what I do.

[B]

You're a child.

[A]

Yeah. What's the latest with your bone density?

[C]

It's hanging in there.

[A]

It's coming along.

[B]

You had a test?

[C]

I did have a test.

[A]

Did you really?

[C]

No, I did have a. Well, you should have a test at my age.

[A]

How do you know you could do that?

[C]

I had a test, and it wasn't that it was bad, but it was like. It was preventative.

[B]

No, it's great. This is the way I try to help myself now with this kind of stuff.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

The old paradigm was to try to lift heavy weights and make it easy. The new paradigm is to lift lighter weights and make it hard, which usually means going very slow, staying in the work phase.

[C]

You know, I think the point that is what's good for your bones is that max out that point at the minute 45 where you're shaking. And then they make you, like, hold that for 15 seconds, and that's the part that's good.

[B]

Okay, I'll see your fat and I'll raise your shakiness. I'll raise you doing hill repeats.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Up a very, very steep.

[C]

I also do sprint sets on the treadmill.

[A]

Jeez Louise.

[B]

I just a note for. Just stop the recording. Terry's got me beating the fitness sprint sets. I'll listen to her podcast before I get information.

[A]

Terry's podcast.

[B]

It's not called Terry's Podcast.

[C]

It's not called Terry's Podcast.

[A]

This is a wine. This is how not to do a podcast. You can learn from us.

[C]

Do you guys know this is my first real podcast? I did Brett Goldstein's the Films to be Buried With. I did that over Covid because we had met a few years ago and everyone was in their house during COVID and he started that one. And so he texted me and said, would you be a guest?

[B]

Well, I wanna go on that one.

[C]

And that's the only one I've ever done, so I'm kind of honored and a little bit scared. And I love you guys, and so thank you for having me.

[B]

I think it's really fucking great. I'm just gonna do Brett Goatstin the whole time.

[C]

You' too much. You're already smiling too much.

[A]

It's always good when the host is not smiling.

[B]

He was on our. And we talked about that. I'd like to do that one. I love movies. Do you like movies?

[C]

I do love movies. Yeah. I do love movies. I think I mentioned with him, I feel like Tootsie always comes up for Me, I feel like when I was figuring out almost by osmosis, what comedic timing was about, I feel like Terry Garr just like her rhythm of everything in that movie, I. I mean, it just. I can. I can repeat it, like. Yeah, it's beautiful.

[A]

Oh, and just like a tragic. Her. Her whole story was so rough in that movie.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

She kept getting ghosted.

[B]

And Chuck Dern. Chuck Durn.

[A]

Charlie Dern.

[B]

Charles Durning as the Gilded lover.

[A]

And the.

[B]

Look at the end.

[A]

How did you do it?

[B]

You know who had a crush on Twitch?

[C]

I know, I know.

[B]

And Dustin Hoffman knows.

[C]

It's so good.

[B]

It's it. And it glows. I don't know. I just. I don't have a.

[C]

The movie, you mean? Or the.

[B]

Just the cine. The cinematography and also Sidney Pollock as the agent.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Is so great. And who directed it? Who did. Directed a lot of Robert Redford movies.

[C]

Yes. Oh, there you go. God rest his soul. Yeah. No, every line in there, I'm a tomato, and a tomato can't sit down. That's why, you know, like, I just.

[B]

And the commitment to that. Because I had to be a tomato because the director wouldn't let me not be a tomato.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Sorry I had to stop.

[C]

It brings it out in me, too.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Any but Terry Garr, also Young Frankenstein, was she.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's another one. Yes, she was. Gosh, my knockers.

[A]

She was talking about her. Thank you, doctor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

She's something else. Good Lord. So you have a podcast, and have.

[A]

You done it yet? Have you taped them yet?

[C]

We have.

[A]

Oh, you have?

[C]

We're taping on Mondays. We're actually trying to do two every Monday. We're a little bit under a time gun because Andrea Bowen, one of my co hosts, who played my daughter in Desperate Housewives, is pregnant. So we're up against her maternity leave, and so we're trying to get maternity leave.

[A]

Is that something people do?

[C]

Yes, it is.

[B]

Why? They always do. That lady needs the time off.

[C]

Yes, you do. To pay attention. Listen, it's all Andrea's fault. She came to me. And so the podcast is called Desperately Devoted.

[B]

Desperately Devoted. And your two co stars are?

[C]

Andrea Bowen, who was my television daughter, and Emerson Tenney, who's my real life daughter. Yeah.

[A]

Who's pregnant.

[C]

And the thing that I thought was fun about that because Andrea said, would you ever want to do this Desperate Housewives rewatch? And I was sort of like, you know, I don't know. But what I thought was interesting and What I like about podcasts, like you guys, for example, I just like friends talking, you know, and when I'm doing my dishes, I've got my headphones on, I'm cleaning my house, whatever. It's enough with the news and enough with the self help. And, you know, I listen to those too. But I really like the. Just the community and just the talking.

[A]

It's almost like having dinner. It's almost like. That's because Dane and I will obviously talk over you the whole time, but.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

It's like dinner. So you just talk about whatever.

[B]

We tend to jump in. Sorry.

[A]

I love therapist. Stop the momentum. But it's hard. It's like that when you're all together for dinner and you just bullshit around. So nothing too important. But we do want to talk about the podcast because it is sort of an exciting new thing for you and you have a good voice. That's part of it. You can talk.

[C]

Thank you. I can talk.

[A]

That's good. I mean, you like to talk.

[C]

Not everybody can.

[A]

You like to chat.

[B]

I listened to. I think it was the pilot.

[C]

Oh, did you?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Thank you very much.

[B]

It's got a lot of chemistry.

[C]

Thank you. Yeah, I think we do. So the elements of beyond the Desperate Housewives of it, which there is a big fan base for it. And it is kind of fun, actually. I haven't seen the show in 20 years and was genuinely surprised and pleased. Almost like watching something that I wasn't in. Like, wow, objectively, that's a great show.

[A]

That was a fun show.

[C]

And so that's fun. But we're really using it as a springboard to kind of talk about life. And I felt like, you know, My daughter is 27, she's a screenwriter, she's gay. She has a wonderful girlfriend that she lives with. Andrea is 35, she's newly married, she's about to have a baby. And I'm 60 and pathetically single. And it. It just felt like we covered everything.

[B]

Well, I'm actually starting a podcast called Pathetically Single.

[C]

Okay. You ripped off my. That was my next.

[B]

I wasn't gonna host.

[C]

We could co host. Oh, I could have.

[B]

Cause I'm married.

[C]

Oh, so you could be pathetically single.

[B]

To you. Pathetically single. You can do a spin off, you.

[C]

Know, I love it. I love it. You gotta start somewhere.

[B]

How could you be single?

[C]

Well, I never leave my house by choice.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

Agoraphobic, check.

[A]

I'm sure you get marriage proposals weekly.

[C]

Nothing. I don't date. You know, I did maybe Up. I. Maybe up to like five years ago, I kind of did the whole app routine and whatever. Not for very long and all that type of stuff, you know, a little bit.

[A]

Wordle.

[C]

Huh?

[A]

Wordle.

[C]

Oh, I still meet your mate on wordle. I still do wordle. I do still do wordle. I do wordle. I do the spelling. V. I get so proud when I'm a genius. That's like when they tell you, text.

[A]

Me when you get a good one and I'll say, good job.

[C]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

You come from a high pedigree. Your dad, wasn't he an atomic physicist?

[A]

Smart family.

[C]

He was a physicist, an electrical engineer. He was vice president of AMD when he retired. And my mom worked for lockheed for like 25 years. They were both super smart people. And I was a math major in college until I dropped out because my parents wouldn't pay for me to study anything else. And I got this crazy opportunity to be on the Love Boat. I mean, it's a weird origin story.

[A]

I love the Love Boat.

[B]

From the Mathematician.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

To Gavin McLeod.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

To Isaac. What happened with you and Isaac?

[C]

Nothing happened with me.

[B]

I heard some whispers. Oh, I think something happened.

[C]

No, nothing happened.

[B]

Isaac got around.

[A]

Isaac was a ship's bartender.

[C]

I did. I think it was 26 or something.

[A]

Shut up. Oh, you're on that much?

[C]

Yeah. Well, it was the entire last year of the show.

[A]

Were you the Julie McCoy?

[C]

No, but Julie, the. The way I got an agent. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm telling you guys this story.

[B]

Please, I'm gonna.

[C]

Okay, so I was in college. I try to make it so fast because I don't want to bore you to death.

[B]

No, I'm.

[A]

This is a seven hour show.

[B]

Like, did someone's. Did you. You were a nerd. A mathematician in college. Did someone say, hey, Terry, take those glasses off?

[A]

And like, not so bad.

[C]

With a British accent. With a bad British accent. That's how they did it.

[B]

You want to be in television or movies, you know? Is that kind of. You were sort of a nerd and all of a sudden you're a beauty queen.

[C]

Okay, so I was a nerd and am a nerd. I wear the nerd badge. I love puzzles. I mean, I'm still a nerd. I'm totally a nerd, which is maybe why I don't date, because I'm too shy. Anyway, we have some time.

[B]

We're gonna be dating.

[C]

Okay, so I'm in college and this. The Love Boat did this nationwide press thing where they did this for dancers, dancers and singers, and they were called the Mermaids. And so in San Francisco. They did it in Chicago, in New York and Dallas and wherever. And, I don't know, 5,000 people showed up in San Francisco like a cattle call for. And this girlfriend wanted to do it, but she didn't want to go by herself, so she said.

[A]

Classic.

[C]

Yes, right. So I ended up.

[B]

You tag along.

[A]

Do not bring your prettier girlfriend.

[B]

That's a.

[C]

There's your lesson number one. So I won that. And then what they did with all.

[A]

These individuals, you won it casually in front of your.

[B]

Well, just for a second. Just for a second. She brings you along. Gee, I'll tag along. You've got, you know, orthodontia work and stuff. So did you sing and dance or.

[C]

What did you do? We didn't sing at that point. We just danced. So it was like a chorus line kind of a thing, you know, where you get eliminated.

[B]

You danced solo and won or. How did you.

[A]

Could you dance?

[C]

Well, you. I do dance. I grew up dancing. Yeah. No, I was. We had to do a jazz combination and tap lesson, and you could just chain and I could just do that.

[B]

Because you had a kid.

[C]

Because I grew up. No, no, no. Because I. Yeah, I just grew up dancing.

[B]

I was, like, in your room.

[C]

Like professional. No, no, like. I mean, not like paid, but I went to dance class, to a studio. My whole upbringing.

[B]

And your friend brought you anyway?

[C]

Well, she did, too, you know, so. And, yeah, so. And there was a lot of great people there. I mean, for sure. And it's that weird thing where you get a number and they teach you a combination and 30 of you do it and you leave and you leave and you do it again. And at the end of the day, there's five of you left. And then they pick a winner, and that was me. And so they flew all of these different winners to Los Angeles, where we had to do the whole thing again against, like, real people who already lived in LA and were already working on television and whatever.

[A]

This is from the nationwide Coming.

[C]

Yes. But to me, you know, I think I might be wrong. Maybe I'd never been on a plane by myself. I definitely had never been given per diem or stayed in a nice hotel by myself. They put us up. This is in, like, 1985. They put us up at the Bonaventure Hotel downtown, and we had a per diem, and I didn't. And so I, of course, ordered, like, a banana split and, like, a hamburger and, like, all The. I never had room service. I didn't grow up like that at all. I mean, these are. This is what I remember. I remember that I ordered a hot fudge sundae, which seems insane, that the next day I had to go perform and be sexy and that's what I was doing. But whatever.

[A]

Wait, how old again?

[C]

I guess. Well, it was 85, so that would have made me 20.

[A]

Okay, so that's old enough to fly alone. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. But I mean, I just didn't grow up in a family where that was.

[A]

A thing until I was 25. A lot of people don't fly.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, maybe I went to New York once.

[B]

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[A]

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[D]

Miller, Super Bowl MVP, chicken farmer and now host of Free Range. This is a show where I go off the field and off the script. We're talking what's hot in music, film, trending news and everything blowing up your feed. If you love football, you'll feel at home. But if you're here for the vibes, the Internet deep dives the conversation. This is your podcast. Join me every Wednesday. Follow and listen to Free Range with me, Vaughn Miller everywhere. You get your podcast.

[B]

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[C]

They accept Discover at Renaissance fairs? Yeah, they do here.

[B]

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[C]

With the times.

[A]

You're playing the loot.

[C]

Yeah. And it sounds pretty good, right?

[A]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report.

[C]

I got this job, then they picked eight of us to be the, quote, unquote, mermaids, which were basically glorified extras on the Love Boat. We. We dealt the cards in the. In the. In the casino. We passed out towels on the lido deck.

[A]

You know, all this shit for that.

[C]

And we did a dance number every week and we sang. So probably nine episodes in was Thanksgiving, and the girl who played Julie McCoy came back and remember, she had been ousted from, like, a Coke. Yeah. From a coke addiction. And so she had been fired, I guess, or lost her job. And then so they had her back. And that episode, they decided to give my character, like, a story arc, like a love line.

[A]

That's a big episode.

[C]

It was.

[B]

Did your character have a name when you were the mermaid? Yeah.

[C]

Well, not until this episode. Then they gave me a name. Amy.

[A]

Amy.

[C]

It's really. I mean, I talk in the highest voice and she was the biggest. Ditzy, like, airhead. Fun loving.

[B]

So you did a real character.

[C]

Yeah, I did a character.

[A]

You were supposed to do that.

[C]

I did.

[A]

I mean, they were saying.

[C]

Yes. No, they said that was what they wrote.

[B]

Are you doing, like, Victoria Jackson, like, falsetto almost, or.

[C]

It was pretty hard.

[B]

That's how Victoria really did.

[C]

It was pretty, you know, it was like, hi, I'm Amy. And I did this and I did this and I did this. And then, you know, it was like that.

[B]

Gotcha.

[C]

But it was definitely comedic for whatever that was on the Love Boat. And so an agent saw that and called the producers and was like, who's she? I mean, and that was how I first got an agent. And then when that was. Yeah, it's very strange. This would not happen to anyone anymore, I don't think.

[B]

So Our torturous eight years in the clubs was what I mean.

[C]

I mean, you know, it's funny in these days. So I moved into a really, you know, below average apartment building in North Hollywood. And next to me on the third floor, like, walk up. And next to me was an apartment of two young guys who were comedians who had just moved from Nebraska. One of them was Joel Madison, and one of them was Pat Hazel. And they knew Jeff Cesario and Dennis Miller and like. And so I met some of these people, like back in the. It was crazy times before they were famous.

[B]

They were Dennis. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, yeah, they were like on the edge. I think Jeff and Dennis were kind of on the edge of almost being.

[A]

Yeah, if that was.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Crazy. And I remember hanging out with them and they would play jokes on me and I remember one of them early on saying something like, you can hang out cause you get the jokes and that. I felt like that was a very big compliment because I'm obsessed. Every time I go to New York, I go to the Comedy Cellar. Like I'm. I'm just obsessed with what you guys do. Like with admiration and, you know, I'm just obsessed, really.

[B]

Did Dennis ever ask you out?

[C]

I don't recall him asking me out. I do recall there being some discussion about making like a clay imprint of my ass, like for an ashtray or a bowl or something. And I don't know if this was a comedian. You didn't think this story was coming? I'm pretty sure you did not think this story was coming. It's in your notes.

[B]

Ceramic ass.

[C]

Ceramic ass. I might have gone on a date with Jeff maybe.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You know, my whole crazy, slutty young life is a little bit of a blur to me. I'm just thankful I came out of it without any major long lasting issues.

[B]

Really. We'll be the judge of that. Okay, your 20s are your 20s. They're just unique, you know. So this. So were you lonely at that point or were you sort of out of your element or just super excited you're suddenly in North Hollywood. You, you're on Love Boat, you're on television.

[C]

I don't think I was lonely, although I do kind of feel like it took me, you know, I was that kind of. I mean, I'm definitely an overachiever. Like 101st, 50%, like, bar is very high. I'm super hard on myself. And so I was the kind of person who I was on the Love Boat. I also got a job on the, the short lived soap opera Capital at the time. And then I was also a waitress at like an Italian restaurant on Ventura Boulevard. It might have been. I don't think it was Maria's Italian Kitchen.

[A]

I was going to say Maria.

[C]

It might, it was something like Maria's. I don't think it was Maria's, but I remember at one point being in TV Guide and having like the bartender or another waitress be like, you should probably quit this job. Like the job as the waitress.

[B]

They're seeing your picture.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And. But, you know, so when you say, I don't think I was lonely, but I definitely.

[A]

It's weird.

[C]

There's a lot of growing pains. And I didn't. You know, I didn't know. I'm the least Hollywood family. I'm the least Hollywood person. I don't know anything. I'm sure that I did so much wrong.

[A]

And you came out from where?

[C]

From Northern California. From Sunnyvale.

[B]

Okay, so it's Sunnyvale, which is 15 minutes. Where I grew up, San Carlos.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

We're Northern California.

[B]

We used to play Rooster T. Feathers. It was the country store or something like that before. But Rooster T. Feathers is still there. Yeah, I was playing that in the early 80s.

[C]

I was just talking to Ron Funches is a little bit of a friend of mine.

[A]

Great.

[C]

And I was at a barbecue at his house not that long ago, and he had a girlfriend, comedian. And I'm not gonna remember her name, but she was like my age, and she was saying that she was just going there to play. So. Yeah. I mean, it is funny how it's all Terry.

[A]

You didn't know I had a Rooster T. Feather story, but I do.

[B]

Okay, so I've got one, too. You go first.

[A]

Mine's not that exciting.

[B]

What is it for the audience at home? For the audience at home. It was about 150 seat clocks.

[C]

That's another thing I want to talk to you about. You know, I've been to Kenny Bunkport, and I was friends with him.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So come on down. Spe. Press her down. Let's get some speed in that area.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Let's get those ass imprints going.

[B]

Ceramic imprinted.

[A]

I never got a copy.

[B]

Left and right coming together in a beautiful ceramic dish. Polka dots on top, red on the bottom. Sorry, we can. We can edit this.

[C]

I kind of wish it existed. You know, that is the thing about.

[A]

This could be good merch.

[C]

It's. Yeah, right. And you see, at the time, it seems like, oh, we've gone a step too far. But like, 40 years later, you're like, God, I wish I had my ass in a bowl.

[A]

Well, back to my tent pole story about.

[B]

Here's the Rooster She Feathers story.

[A]

It's a real.

[B]

I really do.

[A]

So I. So I go there and this is my struggle. I was thinking about your days of, like, when I came from Arizona, I was in North Hollywood, too. I was in Cahuanga Moorpark. Lived with an actress. Lived in the back room and got to see sort of her life. But it does. It's lonely. It's just weird not to be in Arizona anymore. And, like, everyone's like. Like, if you had a picture, TV Guide, a. It doesn't mean you're making any money or you have steady money. So I'd be like, what would I quit for? This is actual money versus that. And they don't realize that. They're like, you're a star. And then I. And one of these gigs, I go to Rooster T's. Let's say I'm making 600 bucks for the week. And. And after the first show, I just literally walk all the way, like, a mile to the club. Then I walk back to the condo or whatever hotel. So I need some money for food. So just for lunch. So I walk all the way to the club when they're there, and I go, I need to take a draw. And against my. I just need some money. Like, 200 bucks for food this week. And he goes, well, you did one show, and you haven't quite made 200, so we can give you $83. And I said, do you think I'm gonna make a run for it?

[B]

Like, I'm here for the week for an 83.

[C]

Especially in the 80s.

[B]

In 83.

[A]

So I ran to Sizzler, but I didn't.

[C]

Sizzler. Oh, my God.

[B]

I spent my 30th birthday at Sizzler.

[C]

You know, I mean, this is the thing. Those kinds of things. Like, I didn't grow up really with money, so, like, going to ferals for your birthday. Going to ferals and getting, like, the zoo with the little plastic animals in it.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Y.

[C]

Going to Sizzler and getting a steak and the. The shrimp. The. The, like, fried shrimp or like, the velvet turtle. Do you remember the velvet turtle?

[A]

I remember the velvet turtle.

[C]

The velvet turtle was like, oh, okay. No, it was like a place where you could get lamb. Lamb. Rack of lamb with, like, the little chef's hat on the. On the bone. And. And that was like a once a year.

[A]

Is that nice, though? The velvet turtle?

[C]

It was. That was like a once a year thing.

[A]

I mean, to me, in Arizona, there was a nice. Yeah, that was a nice one there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But again, if you have. I think if you have good memories. I have good memories of going to Chile. All these places, Sizzler. So if you even get a few beans in your jeans when you're older, you go, that doesn't mean I don't like going there. I always liked it. So it's, like, stuck in my head that I like it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't, like, ever skip all that and go. I don't do that anymore.

[C]

You still go to those kinds of places?

[A]

Well, this is a trick question. I thought we were agreeing that we like.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

He likes basic food.

[C]

No, no. The reason I wouldn't go is because I think my health awareness of, like, what I'm actually trying to eat to not have, like, it's not great for bone dense or whatever, like, that kind of nonsense. I. I probably keeps me from going to those places.

[B]

I think what's interesting, but not because.

[C]

They weren't fun or. I mean, those chili fries. Yeah.

[A]

It's hard to get good.

[C]

The chili fries with the little salty. Whatever.

[B]

Everything's driving long distance and I'm tired. That's the only time. Me too. What do you get? McDonald's hamburger, small fries, and a Coke. Because then all that sugar and salt just helps me drive.

[C]

So I'm Diet Coke and Cheetos on a long distance.

[B]

Cheetos?

[C]

Yeah, Cheetos and a Diet Coke.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's the same kind of thing.

[A]

We're all three. Diet Coke carbohydrates.

[C]

Diet Coke for me is like Coke. I mean, I never did Coke, so I don't really know. But to me, that's whenever I'm at a. Like, if I'm shooting something or I'm at some event or I just feel like, oh, my God, I'm hitting the wall. Like, this is not. People know this. They know, like, Diet Coke stat. I need.

[A]

It wakes you up or what?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It just. I don't know if it's the bubbles or the caffeine or whatever it is.

[B]

You and Trump just die. He has a button.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna stop.

[A]

You're exactly Trump.

[C]

I didn't know that. That's enough to make the desk that he hits, right?

[B]

Diet Coke.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, It's a button. Bring me a giant Coke.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I'm gonn and drinking. And you look at it, the Diet.

[A]

Coke as you do it.

[B]

I do them gravelly, but I don't know.

[C]

You've ruined it for me.

[B]

No, no, not at all.

[C]

But.

[B]

But I only drink Coca Cola. I drink the real stuff before or I have it on stage. When I do stand up, because that's. You don't want a cup of coffee, but that's that energy thing. Just a sip of Coke.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, a lot of places don't have. You might notice, regular Coke. If you travel, there's full casinos, airlines, they just go, we're a Pepsi Corporation.

[C]

And I know this about. I mean, I have listened to you talk enough to know that you have a real issue with diapers.

[A]

I have a problem with it. Yeah. I start trouble.

[C]

I get it.

[A]

I fight back.

[C]

Yeah, you should.

[A]

But sometimes I bring them Pepsi.

[B]

The people who were running Coca Cola, this is the best part, they decided at one point, the greatest brand in the last hundred years, Coca Cola, you know, GIs World War II, we're gonna make new Coke. The reason is they did taste tests and Pepsi was sweeter than Coke, which I didn't like. So when people were just testing it, just taking sips, they go, we like this better. A full can, they wouldn't. So some idiot at Coca Cola decided to make new Coke. Tasted too sweet. Then they bring out. They brought it back. But that's just a little history lesson in the middle of the. Our guest today is Terry.

[C]

I love brands, so I'm excited to hear it.

[B]

I'm excited, too. I was going to ask you and David a question.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The. The emotional. When you're in your 20s and you're doing stuff and you don't know if you're going to get a break, but you're obviously in a game where people you know are getting on TV or films and doing stuff, and you go through a period where it's not really happening and you have I bombed. I've tried for snl. I fall Sam Kenison at the Comedy Store bomb, you know. So how did you deal with that, David or Terry? The emotional violence of going in this thing and just. It may just never happen for me like I want it to.

[A]

Yeah, we'd like to hear from Terry.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Well, I seem to recall there being a moment where I felt like I should pack up my 1980 Ford Probe with the hand rolling windows and the no air conditioning and go back to Sunnyvale and go back to college. Like, I feel like. And that was after the Love Boat, probably after I had a little stint on MacGyver and I did like, maybe I did a pilot or something. But yeah, there's these big stints where.

[A]

You feel like too much chunks off.

[C]

Yeah, too much chunks off. And what are you doing with yourself? And I think when you're young, like, I really always thought I would go back to college. I really thought I would be a math teacher in high school. I had this grand idea that there were no women teachers for young girls and no role models in the sort of science Lane. And I was gonna go be that, and that was gonna be noble to me. And I, I really thought that was what I was gonna do. And then I got Lois and Clark. And it wasn't until Lois and Clark that I. And it was even my parents first time kind of on board, like, oh, this is your career.

[A]

Like, oh, yeah, this is what you're gonna be doing.

[C]

This is what you're gonna be doing. And so. Yeah, and then. But there's always, I mean, I, you know, I'm not working a ton in the last few years, and that's not really my choice. I mean, I've been developing some stuff with some pretty cool people, but I know you guys know that that's. It's hard to get things across the finish line. And I think, you know, I always had somebody, somebody told me a long time ago, like, you're only really out of this business when you quit, you know, Like, I mean, and you can see actors that like, are now winning Emmys, that literally didn't have jobs for years. Five years, you know, or, and, and so, and I tell my daughter this, although she's a writer, not a performer. And it is a little bit, I think there's a little more power behind. You can just keep doing, you can keep writing scripts. But I would tell young actors that the thing they don't teach you with all your accents and all your drama and all your comedy is they don't teach you what to do with yourself when you don't have a job. And, and that is where people get into trouble.

[A]

It gets, It's a mental game. Yeah, it's very tough when it goes down. And we were just talking to, you know, Dwight from the Office Rain, and he said, yeah, it's like being at a read through and you're not in the episode. And even just that week, you're like, so I'm watching everyone else, what do I do? And it's kind of nice for a while, but maybe you had on Desperate Housewives when you, you were lighting a show or you were written kind of light for a couple episodes in a row and you start to kind of freak out, like, wait, am I not. Where am I in the pecking order? I thought they kind of favored me. It makes you crazy.

[B]

I think the main thing is because I met a lot of bitter people when I was first coming up. Really bitter, all kinds of bitter. Well, Mickey Rooney was the most bitter man.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I was the number one star in the world. Hear me? Bang the world. So I thought, okay, this whole game of being in show business, you know, it doesn't care about you. It's not personal. It's not trying to punish you, and really stay away from victimhood and bitterness, because then you can't be successful. So we always had Stand up as a baseline to go back, you know, so when you had those years. I want to know, the years between. How long was it after Love Boat? And then you were kind of doing stuff, but not landing to the Lois and Clark.

[C]

So I'm, you know, I'm estimating. I mean, if that had been. Let's say that was 85, 86. I didn't get Lois and Clark until 94. But before that, I did that, what turned out to be a very famous episode of Seinfeld that was probably in 93.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Right. And I remember Jason Alexander saying to me, good things are gonna happen to you. Good thing. You know, people do this show, and then they go get other things. I remember him saying that to me.

[A]

What was your episode?

[C]

What was my episode? You really.

[A]

I swear to God, I don't know.

[C]

Okay, well, good. I'm glad that. I'm glad somebody doesn't know, because it's probably gonna be on my tombstone. So that's why I'm just a little bit surprised. No, I had this episode where the whole episode was Jerry was dating me, and he didn't know if my breasts were real or fake.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And so Julia's character falls on.

[A]

You think they're fake.

[C]

He thinks they're fake. So he breaks out, and then she is at the gym with me, and she falls on me in the sauna and realizes they're real. So then he tries to win me back, but he's already broken up with me because he thought they were fake. And so I find out that he's done all this. And so I have this exit line where I find out, and I'm mad that he put me through this. And I'm like, I'm not gonna date you anymore. You're a horrible person. And so I leave, and I slam the door, and then I stick my head back in and I go. And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular. And that sort of became like, this thing.

[A]

Yes, that might look good on a tombstone. Yeah, that's pretty good.

[C]

She was real and spectacular. Yeah, there you go.

[B]

Alexander saying that to you.

[A]

But that's great. So that actually on a hit show doing that. Go ahead.

[C]

So that had happened. I had done the movie, the Big Picture with great. With Christopher Gaston. That was my first movie ever.

[A]

I remember you in that too.

[C]

Thank you. Yeah, I had done Tango and Cash. I had done so Tango and Cash.

[A]

Ford Fairlane.

[C]

Alone. Yeah. With Stallone and Kurt Russell. And Kurt Russell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I played Stallone's sister. I mean, I hardly remember it.

[A]

You had some hair in that one, didn't you?

[C]

Yeah. And do you know what's crazy? This is all of this hair. If you go back and you look at the Love Boat and you look at Tango and Cash and Soap Dish. I mean, freaking gigantic 80s, early 90s hair. It was all my hair because we just backcombed the crap out of it. It was before anybody was using all these clip ins. Now you can't go anywhere without clip ins. Like it's. It's. It's.

[A]

You were killing it in the hair to play.

[C]

It's very funny.

[A]

Yeah, but what about Soap Dish? Another fucking monster hit. So these are not like nothing, but these are huge.

[C]

No, I know.

[A]

Ford Fairlane I love. Because I think when Dice hosted.

[C]

Oh, I wasn't in Fort Fairlane. I did a movie with him called Brain Smasher.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

What?

[A]

I think for fair length.

[B]

Well, because he.

[C]

That was that era.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That's. He was doing. And I did.

[A]

At least it was Dice. I was close.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, you were.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's Brain Blaster.

[C]

Brain Smasher. I don't even remember. Honestly, I don't know. I just know he was in it and we shot it in Oregon and I don't. And it was like an all night shoot of a movie, you know, just for six weeks. You're completely going to.

[A]

That'll fuck you. They don't tell you that in class either. How bad night shoots are.

[C]

That's true. No, So I had a lot of. And there were things that I had near misses on. Like I near near missed on a movie that Sandra Bullock ended up doing and I near missed on a movie on a thing that Helen Hunt did. And I like. It is. And I think what I also love about aging is that, you know, there's just no room to get caught up in regret. Like life has offered you what it has offered you. And you did your best with the tools that you had at the time that you had them. And it doesn't mean you can't evolve and become a better person or make more of your life than you anticipated. It just means you can't go back. And so there's no reason to keep keep harping on it and keep dwelling in It.

[B]

Sometimes I have regrets about choices. People do it.

[A]

Yeah, we all do.

[B]

I do it. But I do think that, you know, it's good to just stay in the moment and, you know, those near misses, that's a pretty common story before people get the one.

[A]

But nothing beats a weekly show.

[C]

It's very true. And I wish I had one again. I just auditioned for one yesterday for, like, a smaller role in it, but it's still a series regular. And I. And the fantasy that I'm living with before they reject me, which will probably happen later today. But the we're good luck charms. Okay, well, maybe it won't. But the fantasy I have in my head is about getting to show up on a set regularly. And probably. Maybe I'll have one line because it's not like the main character, but it would just be less stress. It would just be fun structure.

[B]

And then you're coming back to it with your eyes now, like, oh, wow, we're putting on a little show. Let's not take it too seriously. It's all pretend and have more fun with it.

[A]

You know, we did just shoot me. George Siegel had everyone on the show, had done some good things and then had some tough times. And so it was a good mix of people that are like, we're so lucky to have this show. So there was no prima donnas other than me. There was no assholes other than me. So that was a sort of good lesson. But I had my own things. I had a tough time on snl, so getting on something where someone was writing for me and it was steady and about fame, like you're saying you're in big picture. Great. I remember that perfectly. And the other movies I saw, Tango and Cash, of course, so. And Soap Dishing, so they're. You're building, building, building. And then when you get on a weekly thing, that's where fame hits. Because when people see you over and over and over, and then Lois and Clark was a pretty big deal. So there's TV Guide. There's more from that. Then it's like, almost overwhelming, probably.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, it's. It's also. I'm also like, a really hard worker. And like those shows you work, like, back in those days, 75 hours a week. I mean, you would start every Monday at 4am and every Friday you'd be working till 4am like it was.

[A]

And you're not allowed to complain because everyone's like, oh, you're on a hit fucking show.

[C]

Yeah. And that was 10 months a year. And I Mean. And so you're not really thinking there's no room really for joy of, like, oh, I'm. I mean, you're just not. You're not going to spas or dinner with your friends or just grinding it out. You know, you are kind of. And so it really isn't until it's over that you get an opportunity to reflect back at what an amazing opportunity it was. It's more like when you're in it, it's hard to not get caught up in what feels hard about it. It's not that you're not grateful. Like, I feel like I'm always grateful, but it is. I mean, it's not unlike being the mother of a. Of a young kid when you're just, you know, obviously you're so thrilled to have a child, but then also you're not sleeping and you're not, you know, whatever. It's.

[A]

You're not seeing your friends, both of.

[C]

Those things together and have it all feel positive all the time.

[B]

Exhaustion, it's like a baby. Exhaustion leads to.

[C]

Leads to frustration.

[B]

Frustration and tears or whatever you want.

[A]

Like, er, this Sherry Stringfellow, remember she quit ER and people couldn't believe it. I was like, I believe it. But that's because she's making a ton of money. But you're like, can't do it anymore. Ten months a year.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Memorizing and grinding. And everyone's like, poor people work harder than that. I go, it's just a mental. You're not coming up for air. She probably just needed three months off, like four. Just to just see her friends, see her family, just get life back and then go, okay, I'm back in a hole. Because they do a never ending movie. Movies are so hard. And that's what you were doing.

[C]

And you also don't know what's. It was interesting. I just saw Jane Fonda talking on a podcast yesterday and she referenced that in the first season of the show that she did with Lily Tomlin recently. Yeah. That it was horrible for her. These are her words. And she said she realized in hindsight because the subject matter was kind of like pushing very deep buttons for her about being abandoned and. And she had to go work on that and then was able to approach the second season and then it was like, all great after that. But it made me think, you just don't know what's going on. And we're so quick to judge and label and. I don't know. You just don't know.

[B]

It's a very common human Thing to go for sure. Why is that person doing that? Why isn't Teri Hatcher going, Doing that? I don't understand why they're doing that. You know, and you have to be humble about. Well, you don't know their story.

[A]

Also, sometimes you want to work and you go, I just want to go work again. Then something comes along. It's not a thousand percent what you want to do, but you go, let me just do it.

[C]

I totally want to.

[A]

I feel like I'm out of the fucking mix and I gotta.

[C]

I totally want to work. Which is why I. I got this opportunity to do a little bit of standup that I wrote for Showtime about four years ago. It was called. They have this thing called Funny Women of a Certain Age. So it sort of gives it an umbrella of like, okay, we know what these women are going to talk about. They're going to talk about being old, which made it easier for me to write in a way. And like, Wendy Liebman was in it and Carol Montgomery and Marshall Warfield. Marshall Warfield. And they're like, pros. Yeah, yeah. Total pros. No. And we did it at the Irvine Improv, and I wrote like a 15, 20 minute set.

[A]

Jesus, that's a lot.

[C]

I know, right?

[A]

That's hard.

[C]

And I wasn't horrible. And it did sort of. It was all anchored in this story that actually happened to me where I was told that I have an average vagina. And I actually told.

[A]

I only told you that because.

[B]

Okay. All right. We're gonna take a short break.

[A]

Short break.

[B]

We're going to reset ourselves.

[A]

It was just the pants you were wearing. No, we got time for the rest.

[B]

Of the President of Odyssey Communications.

[A]

Go ahead. So you're.

[C]

No, no. When I first met Brett Goldstein, it was at a function for Aisling Bay, who's a mutual friend of ours. And there was like a cocktail thing after she performed. And I didn't know Brett, but I had just come from the gynecologist's office and I'm way big overshare. Talk to strangers. The older I get, the do not ask me how my day is. Cause like, you better be ready to stand there for a while. And so anyways, he said, nice to meet you. How was your day? And so I proceeded to tell him this story. And I'll do the very quick version of it for you guys. But it was like I was. This was kind of the last time I started dating somebody, which is over six years ago. And I hadn't had sex in a really Long time. Because I hadn't been dating. And at my age, I was sort of thinking, I don't know, does it work anymore? Like, how would I know? Like, nobody's been in there. And, you know, this whole. You can imagine. So I go to the gynecologist. David's uncomfortable. It's nice to see you squirm.

[B]

So you go to the gynecologist.

[C]

So I go to the gynecologist, who happens to be named Dr. Johnson. Like, you can't make it up. No, I'm not kidding. I feel like that happens. My daughter has a dentist named Dr. Needle. I just don't. There's gotta be something happening there. Anyways, so I go. And so he's giving me an exam, and I'm laying there and I'm thinking, like, how do I say this? And I'm kind of like, doctor. And then I finally go, does it look like a guy would have a good time in there?

[A]

That wasn't what was supposed to come up.

[C]

And so he sort of backs away. And this is all real. Okay. I mean, I wrote more stuff around it, but this actually happened. So he backs away and he looks at me and he goes, terry, you have a totally average vagina. And then he, you know, he meant it like there's nothing.

[A]

It's fine.

[C]

Yeah, there's no problem happening.

[B]

The normal word is unremarkable.

[C]

Okay, but. And he used average, which is.

[B]

Average is better.

[A]

Which is better.

[C]

And I told this to Brett, and then he was like, you need to write a one woman show. And so he kind of got that into my head that that might even be a possibility. And just going back to what you're saying about wanting to work, I'm obviously not even close to being, you know, a seasoned writer or comic or anything, but it did make me feel like if you can be good at it, if you have the discipline, it is an area where women my age can continue to tell their stories.

[B]

There's great.

[A]

Because you have more stories.

[C]

Yeah. And, you know, maybe you don't make a ton of money, but the work of it, like to go on stage in front of 30 people and tell a story that half of them think is funny. I don't know, that could feel rewarding. So I've sort of been. That's monkeying around in that area.

[A]

Also, when you do a podcast, I'm sure you finish some and you're prepping for it and you go and you do it and you walk away going. You feel like you did something, you go that's interesting. We did it. Oh, it kind of worked today. We. All those things are kind of fun. If you're in performer stand up, you're.

[B]

The writer, the director, the performer. It's, you know, it's just a one man band.

[C]

So yeah, it's.

[A]

But you're like. Well. And also you're saying, I wish I.

[C]

Was better at it. I mean I would.

[B]

You know, you could do it at a very high level just based on hanging out with you. For sure.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Because we. We our first times on stage, you know, it takes a while to get desensitized to people staring at you and stuff. It takes a while.

[A]

So you seem comfortable just going up already.

[B]

That's, you know, and you're very honest and that's a big, big area for comedy to just say things that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

People don't say regularly. I just make funny voices and he. He complains and talks about dating or.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

Well, I guess career. But I know you have most.

[C]

It pretty much is.

[A]

More squirmy, you know.

[B]

David, people keep asking about my 2026 Resolute resources.

[A]

Yes, they do. I want one of them. You. I know what you're trying to say. That people keep asking about your 2026 resolutions. And I've got the usual ones. Read more or read at all.

[B]

Hit the gym.

[A]

Hit the gym. Learn how to crochet. Get the knitting.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. But this year, the goal at the very top of my list is simple. Get comfy. I've learned that from Adam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's exactly where Bombas comes in. They're bringing next level comfort to my everyday essentials. Take the new Bomba sports socks. They're designed with sport specific comfort for everything from running, hiking, golf. That's what I do. Skiing. And I know you want to get back into running. They got some socks.

[B]

I would really want to get back into running, honestly. For sure. I do a lot of hiking.

[A]

Yeah, they're cushioned right where you need it most. Sweat wicking.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Is that good?

[B]

Yeah, it keeps the sweat away. Packed with tech that keeps you comfortable and locked in. So comfy socks. It's a great idea.

[A]

So for every day around the house resolutions, Bombas has the comfiest footwear imaginable. I've been living in their Sherpa Sunday slippers for things like weekend resets when I'm spring cleaning, when I'm just doing this and that around the house. Honestly, they look very squishy. And you wouldn't know this, but it's.

[B]

Like walking on clouds underneath it all. Bombas. Yeah. Underwear and T shirts. Yeah, David. They're flexible, breathable and buttery smooth. Plus, for every item you buy, one is donated to someone facing housing insecurity.

[A]

Head over to bombas.com flywall and use code flywall for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M b-s.com flywall code flywall at checkout.

[B]

Here's a hot tip for 2026. Filing your taxes with TurboTax. That's right. Instead of juggling forms and receipts while you track down a tax appointment, you can hand everything off to your dedicated TurboTax full service expert. They'll take it from there to handle your taxes for you entirely. You simply upload your tax documents and your expert works through your return. With one goal, getting you the best possible tax outcome.

[A]

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[C]

Yes.

[A]

And it was my last year.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think you knew that.

[C]

I didn't.

[A]

But I only did one bit a week, Lauren, when I left because Adam and Chris left. They were fired, though. I didn't. I didn't even know that. Did you meet Farley?

[C]

I did not.

[A]

You didn't?

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

Never dragged him around.

[C]

No.

[A]

Because that's why I was there without those guys. But Lauren goes, why don't you stay and do like a weekend update? Just your own segment, but do whatever you want. I was like, oh, great. So when, when Terry hosted you came on there. We did a bit. Yeah, right. It was super fun.

[C]

Is it like Spade in America?

[A]

Yeah, that was. And then Don Pardo goes, now spade in America. So she played me and I played.

[C]

You, which was really clever. You wrote that, right?

[A]

Yeah. And it was pretty funny.

[C]

And you go, it was meta. It was super meta.

[A]

You go, I'm Terry Snatcher.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, you played me. She dressed like me. So of course that's something I would Say, say idea.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And we made fun of each other and I was dressed like a girl. And you hosted. And did you have a good time on that show?

[C]

I did. I mean, I look back on it as just one of the highlights of opportunity and like, with so much gratitude that I got to have that opportunity. I remember coming off of Lois and Clark. It must have been the end. It was like late spring. I think I was the second to last or the third to last episode. I feel like Jim Carrey was like gonna be after me for the finale. And I remember feeling kind of beat up on Lois and Clark and, you know, like, maybe not. You're getting to have the most creative input, you know, help, Superman, help. Like, it was a lot of that.

[A]

Every show, the script, help, Superman, help.

[B]

I got it.

[A]

I don't need the cue cards.

[C]

And I remember showing up and just being, you know, in that Wednesday meeting and just sort of being like, I'll do anything. Whatever anybody wants to write for me, I will do anything, you know. And that was my attitude. Whether people, you know, appreciate it or not. I feel like I did. I got to do a cheerleader sketch with Will and Sherry and I got to do a Molly. A cat. Catherine Gallagher. Yeah. No, they were all. In fact, that one, I feel like made it into like the 25. When it was the 25th anniversary. We were doing that, like, I feel pretty from west side Story. It was that. And she kept knocking me out of the way. And I did a thing with Chris Kattan. We did sort of.

[A]

You Mango or one of those.

[C]

Yeah. And I feel like there was a whoop ass. That was the whoop ass time with.

[A]

What's this?

[C]

There was like, I'm gonna. It was.

[B]

Or Tracy Morgan.

[A]

Oh, when he sings or something. I don't know, get a can of whoop at.

[C]

Anyways, and then I did my opening monologue with Will Ferrell and. And I think Norm wrote that.

[A]

Oh, how great.

[C]

Yeah. And it wasn't written until Saturday morning. I kept saying is, am I gonna.

[A]

Get to look at how fucking scary that they don't write the monologue?

[C]

I remember rehearsing the monologue and I had a. On Saturday, I had a full on migraine. Like, you know how they start in the back? And so I. I'm standing at the mic, like rehearsing, and I had an ice pack that I was holding on the back of my head and people would walk by and go, how are you doing? And I'm like, oh, I'm good. I'm really Good. I'm never bad, like, there. And. And the. The monologue was a play on the Clark Kent glasses thing. So. So Will would come out and go, like, with his glasses on. He'd say, you know, oh, welcome to the show, and we're so glad to have you here, or whatever. And then I would kind of give him. I would look away for a second, give him a chance to take the glasses off. And then I would look back and I would be like, oh, my God, where's Will? What happened to Will? Like, Will was just here. Now he's not here. And then he would put him back on and it kind of went back.

[A]

And forth like that.

[C]

It was funny.

[A]

It's hard to think of monologues for everybody. I mean, that's a good one for you. So it's good. But you were known as a lovely host and nice to everyone.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[C]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

Of course it's in the book.

[C]

It's. Because it's crazy.

[A]

I mean, it's almost too much of a good thing.

[C]

The behind the scenes of the people changing your wardrobe and your wigs and you're ripping your clothes off and putting new clothes on and shoving you out and, oh, I know what I did with. Oh, my God, why is his name Tim? Yes. Oh, who I love. We did a pre tape thing where he swore, like, you cannot believe, like, like. And I was this. It was supposed to be our sitcom, like, like homeboy and the something. And. And. And so we pre taped this thing where he would buy, like, you know, suck my whatever, you know, whatever. And then they would bleep that out, like, fuck you and whatever. But they would bleep everything out. And I would just. And my character would just be like, mom, I can't believe he's talking to me like that.

[A]

Or whatever.

[C]

He would say, you know what, bitch? You know, whatever. And. And I remember, I think at the end I had to say a nasty word to him and I really had a hard time. Somehow we connected on Instagram not that long ago, and he was reminding me that I had a hard time saying things.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm gonna see Tim next week. I'm gonna ask him.

[C]

Oh, you are?

[B]

I'm gonna bring him.

[A]

Yeah. How funny. But that was a pre tape, which is another funny, fun one to be in. Yeah, they beat you up there too. Yeah, it's worse now. It's like Monday before your meeting, you do a pre tape all day, and then you go to the meeting, you don't even read it ahead, you're like, you already said yes to this. Just go, okay. But it is people that come in. Like, everyone knows it's. You're excited to do something different. Then it's like, oh, this is so much.

[C]

This is. But I remember it, taking it all.

[A]

In, doing all the things. You were a good sport. You did everything.

[C]

That's a deathbed thing. Like, I often will look at life from the point of view. Like, I'll look at something that's happening, and I'll think, like, okay, on my deathbed, am I going to be like, I'm glad I did this, or, you know, that wasn't that important. And it's definitely. I mean, it is definitely a thing that on my deathbed, I get to go, well, that's. I had that experience where I hosted Saturday Night Live once. Oh, my God.

[A]

You go, I was famous. And I got on. It's like, it just proves that you're doing well and you're, like, nice to you.

[C]

Career's as long as. You know, it's like three decades at least. It just feels like a different person. It feels like. I also originated the national tour off of Broadway of Cabaret, playing Sally Bowles after Natasha Richardson.

[A]

Oh, I think I remember.

[C]

And I did seven months, L.A. chicago, Boston and D.C. and that was a huge show and, you know, hugely successful and lot of energy. And that was in 1999, 2000. And I do. I look at that and I go, I don't even know who that was.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

It's so different now.

[C]

It's so weird.

[A]

You look back. Yeah.

[B]

We should just talk about this thing called Desperate Housewives as far as you can. No, we will.

[A]

We're almost done. But we just.

[B]

Is a rocket ship.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Like, that is still, you know, and also just the name of it is so.

[A]

Great name.

[C]

Well, you know, I looked into this when we started doing the podcast. I was like, what is the history of the word Housewives? Because obviously, after our show became the Real Housewives and, you know, and then like, even the Hunting Wives and I mean, they just, like, you know, Mark Cherry should have a percentage of all of that. But he doesn't. But he should, you know, because back in the 70s, so the. In the 50s, Housewives was like a real, you know, the prim, proper, the dinner on the table, the whole thing. And then in the 70s, with the bra burning and all that.

[B]

Right.

[C]

It kind of. People didn't use that term anymore. And it really was Mark that brought it back with this. And it was huge. That works.

[B]

It's just catchy.

[C]

Yeah, it's catchy.

[B]

Desperate Housewives and They're Housewives was the.

[A]

Show a hit from the go.

[C]

It really. It really was. I mean, not. Not because we knew it would be or anything that. That. I always feel like that thing is just a monster of its own. You know, it. I always give a lot of credit to that. It aired on Sunday nights at 9 o', clock, which I always felt like was the exact hour when women had gotten their kids to bed, but they didn't have to go to bed themselves. And it was before Monday, where everything was gonna start again. It was this, like, one hour in the week where they could be like, this is mine. Give me my glass of wine. I'm watching this show and I feel like if they'd put it on Thursday or Tuesday, I don't know, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

[B]

Was Dallas on that? When was Dallas?

[C]

I think Dallas was before.

[A]

Before. Yeah.

[B]

No, but I mean, Sunday night.

[C]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

But I do think a lot of live streaming shows, you know, their new episodes come out on Sunday probably for the same reason, so. But should we talk about your podcast for a sec?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Based on what we're just talking about.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Well, I didn't know. Has anyone done it where they're actually watching the episodes with, like. Like, the episode is being watched and you're talking over it?

[C]

Well, no, we're not doing that because we don't have the rights to.

[B]

That's why we don't. We don't show.

[A]

I would have shown me and you.

[C]

Oh, yeah. That's why you can't do it. But what we are doing and what's fun is that the three of us individually in our own lives, we find time in the week to watch it. We make our. We're all very studious, so we all come in with our cages of view.

[A]

Do you go episode by episode, is that right?

[C]

We do. We go episode by episode. So one podcast is one full episode.

[A]

I see.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And then we don't share with each other our thoughts until we get to the sprint. And so we try to, like, take you through the episode from the beginning to the end. But then, like I said, we also use it as a jumping off point to talk about, you know, one time in your life when somebody rejected you or when this happened or when somebody broke up with you or whatever. Whatever comes up.

[B]

The office ladies, obviously was one that did it or are still doing it.

[C]

Oh, for the Office?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of episodically going over and over. So how many episodes are there? That's what I was wanting.

[C]

Well, there's eight seasons, so, I mean, if the podcast works, we can.

[A]

We grind them out. Are there obviously some. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we promised we would do you. Some you really remember and some you don't really remember.

[C]

I would say mostly I don't remember anything until. Until I'm. I mean, really being la. I don't remember anything until I watch it. And then, of course, I go, oh, yeah, okay. Well, now I remember that now. And then sometimes I have more vivid memories about the actual filming of it or not. But it is also interesting, and I said this at the time when it came out, because it had this four to five lead characters. A lot of the show I'm not in, you know, all of the scenes that happen between those different marital families. I didn't see Bea filmed and I. And I wasn't there. So I'm kind of enjoying it.

[A]

And you're not watching it every week.

[C]

Yeah. And so now I'm enjoying it. Like, that's fun.

[B]

That is enjoying watching the whole thing.

[A]

You don't know more than half of the show. You haven't.

[C]

Yeah. And so I find myself a lot going, oh, my God, can you believe how great she was in that scene? Like, literally the best comic timing ever. You know, I find myself doing that a lot.

[A]

Who are you closest with? Or are you still close with anyone there?

[C]

Not really. I mean, I was. Honestly, I was more of like a crew person. I mean, a lot of the camera crew. And we would go camping together, like all of our families, like, we would go up to Big Sur and go camping together. I mean, and I would have people to my house and stuff. I was also the only single mom at the time.

[A]

Oh. Oh.

[C]

And I was also divorced, so I was sharing custody. So there were pretty strict custodial hours to when I had my daughter. And then I was working a lot, and so I kind of wasn't particularly social because it was like, if I had the night off, I was gonna be with my kid. And that never got talked about. And I think people don't. You don't hear a lot of people talk about what is hard about being a parent with 50% custody and. And the kind of stress that is. Or pressure or whatever. And so that was also going on for me at the time. But I. Vanessa Williams, I guess, is. Is a good friend of mine, and.

[A]

We need gaffer, apparently.

[B]

Lead gaffer.

[C]

I mean, there's definitely people that I keep in touch with, just not everyone.

[A]

And you do live in the Valley? I think you used to live in the Valley.

[C]

I still live in the same house.

[A]

Not the same. Is there a van in the front yard?

[C]

There is a van, and I still have my van. I put solar panels on my 1978 VW bus camper, which I still love to drive around.

[A]

Did you buy that new 70?

[C]

I was the second owner. So I've owned it for 25 years, and I was the second owner.

[A]

Okay. Does it run?

[C]

Yeah, I get it tuned up all the time. I also have a 1974 Ford Explorer truck. Like, I'm a. I'm a hick. I'm a nerv and a neck. These are things people don't know about me.

[A]

A hick. When I see it.

[B]

What would be the fanciest? I mean, like, a watch or do you have anything. David has 29 watches.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I have two watches. This is made of solid gold. It's no big deal. It cost a million dollars.

[C]

Okay. Does it make you feel good about yourself?

[B]

He gets kidnapped a lot, but I always pay the rent.

[C]

I have a few. Okay. I'm really not that fancy. I have a diamond panther Cartier ring that I guess is pretty fancy that I bought for myself for my 40th birthday.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

My daughter, actually. Which I. I have used once. It sits in my closet. My daughter bought me probably for my 50th birthday. She got together with Grandma and she bought me an Hermes Birkin bag, which I adore, which I don't even use because I'm not that person. But. But it was that my daughter writes great birthday cards, and she wrote a card about. She basically was just saying that, you know, from her perception, I've never put myself first. Like, I would never take that money and spend it on myself. I would spend it on you guys before I would spend it on myself. I just don't do that. I spend a lot of money on other people. And I mean. And so anyway, she just felt like it was time that I had one. And, I mean, the thing that touched me the most about it was her gesture to go do that as a surprise.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But, like, I've used it once. I feel weird using it.

[A]

True. But it's nice to have someone go out of their way to get you a big, expensive gift, like, you deserve this. It's nice.

[C]

Yeah. That's what.

[A]

Whether you used it or not. But it does feel Weird.

[C]

But I like to take trips, you know, I like to spend my money on. I took all of my girlfriends. I got really great seats to see Pink at Dodger Stadium last year. And I mean, that cost a lot. And we got a bus and we all went together. And that. That's. That's. That's a deathbed thing. I will not be sorry I spent that money.

[B]

But that's worth it.

[A]

Those things are worth. Go to a concert, sit up front, pay the money, if you have some money. Yeah, I agree. I'm with you.

[B]

I do that a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

The podcast is. Wait, no, that's it.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

Not one more question. No, go ahead.

[B]

Do you have any statements? Anything? Yeah.

[A]

Anything you'd like to. No, I think.

[C]

Did I finish my thought on the thing, though? I think I did.

[A]

I said about the vagina.

[C]

Three different women that we were all that. That's what I find the most fun. Like, the way you guys are. The most fun about our podcast is that, yes, we are rewatching Desperate Housewives, but we're using it as the springboard to be like a community of women talking about life. And hopefully, I think, I hope people will like our chemistry and want to hang out with us.

[B]

That's really what this whole thing is about. And when I was listening to you three, we're just chatting about all kinds of stuff before you got into the episode. So that just comes.

[A]

I think that's important because they want it like, you settle in.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And you talk. You haven't seen each other overnight. You go, hey, what happened? If anything fun happens, Dana and I do that sometimes at the beginning and we just talk about our stupid weekend, but it's kind of makes you relatable. And then you get into it. It is sort of just them listening along and, like, they're sitting in the room with you. So. Yeah, I. I expect good things from that.

[C]

I hope so.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Thank you guys for helping.

[B]

We're going to look at the charts and we. If you go ahead of us, we will.

[C]

I seriously doubt that. I seriously. But I hope you help us pick up a few viewers, everyone. I hope I. I get brave enough to do some stand up.

[A]

I hope you do, too, but maybe you can come.

[C]

Just tell me I'm bad. That's. I don't even have to be. I just want.

[B]

I don't look at it as magic, you know, I mean, maybe there's levels of people that are so high, but as far as just being a really good stand up you can learn. You already have all.

[A]

You get better.

[B]

And you've got the whole vibe. That's funny. So it's only.

[A]

And you don't seem like you're scared up there. And that's where people get so scared. And it takes years. You're past that. So now it's just picking stories. And then you tape it, see what kind of work. You listen back, which is excruciating, and then you go, okay, well, that worked. I don't even need this part. Okay, tighten that up. And then you try it again. And then that's like a fun puzzle in itself, is you're trying to figure out, crack the code of what's.

[B]

And women of a certain age is a great area. I can't remember the name. Her last name is Morgan, I think, but she.

[C]

Leanne.

[B]

Leanne.

[C]

She's so amazing. She's so inspiring.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

She's super sweet. So there you go. There's a huge audience.

[A]

I'll definitely come see you do stand up.

[B]

All right.

[A]

So you tell me. Okay. Thank you.

[C]

So good to see you. We didn't even get to talk about George Bush. Damn it. Oh, I love it.

[A]

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[B]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[B]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by.

[A]

Phil Sweet, tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[B]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a u d a c y com.