Podcast Summary: "Finding God's Love When You Feel Broken"

Podcast: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Date: September 11, 2025
Guests: Dr. John Trent & Carrie Stageberg
Host(s): Jim Daly and John Fuller

Episode Overview

This episode centers on understanding and healing from brokenness, especially when there are wounds from a lack of "blessing" in childhood or family relationships. Dr. John Trent and his daughter Carrie Stageberg, building on decades of ministry around the idea of "the blessing", discuss both the pain of feeling unloved or incomplete and the practical steps, rooted in Scripture and psychology, that can help people and families find restoration and secure attachment in Christ. Their story is also the foundation of their new book, Your Journey from Broken to Blessed: Finding the Love You Didn’t Receive.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

What is "The Blessing"? (04:22 - 07:29)

• Origin & Scriptural Basis: Dr. John Trent recounts his realization of the importance of blessing while working as a psychiatric intern, connecting a patient's longing for approval to the Old Testament story of Jacob and Esau (Genesis 27). Esau’s desperate cry for his father’s blessing struck him as emblematic of a deep, universal human need.
  • “There’s this deep sense of loss. And I had a name for it. It was the blessing.” (06:23 - Dr. John Trent)
• Blessing as an Emotional & Spiritual Necessity: Blessings aren’t just biblical rituals, but fulfill vital needs, relating to acceptance, love, and hope for the future.

The Pain of Brokenness (07:29 - 13:01)

• Carrie's Story: Despite growing up in a loving home with Christian parents, Carrie details how blessings can still feel abstract and how personal choices and the world's temptations can lead to seasons of separation from God and family, including "dark places" like an abusive relationship.

  • “I did end up walking away from faith and family … in the middle of brokenness and an abusive relationship.” (08:18 - Carrie Stageberg)

• John’s Story: John Trent shares his experience growing up with a single mother with severe health issues, an absent alcoholic father, and the trauma of “primal panic” when attachments are broken—the feeling of being alone and unprotected as a child.

• Surface Needs vs. Deep Needs: Attempts to soothe surface needs (success, approval) don’t satisfy the deeper need for blessing and secure attachment.

Five Key Elements of a Blessing (13:03 - 13:25)

Carrie outlines five scriptural ingredients for a true blessing, which modern science has affirmed as keys to secure, healthy attachment:

1. Appropriate, meaningful touch
2. Spoken or written words of affirmation
3. Attaching high value
4. Picturing a special future
5. Genuine commitment (being there for the person)

• “Decades of research … realized these are the same five things that actually create secure attachment…” (13:23 - Carrie Stageberg)

The Power of Each Element (13:40 - 16:46)

• Meaningful Touch: Its absence can leave lifelong wounds. Dr. Trent shares a story of his five-year-old daughter grieving not having hugged her grandfather before he died—a moment of primal attachment loss that illustrates, "the body keeps score." (14:48 - 15:51)
• Attaching High Value: More than praise, it communicates a sense of unique worth based on how God sees us. Carrie suggests using scriptural truths to reinforce value.
  • "You are chosen, you are wanted, you are redeemed, you are valued." (16:00 - Carrie Stageberg)

Struggling to Believe the Blessing (16:46 - 20:05)

• Head vs. Heart: Even when people are told they are valuable, many can't internalize it due to bullying, trauma, or deep-rooted insecurities.
• Attachment Moment with Jesus: Carrie shares the transformative testimony of a 74-year-old woman, Nancy, who, after reading affirmations of blessing in their book, finally felt personally seen and loved by Jesus—a breakthrough that led to her forgiving her abusive mother in a dream and feeling genuine freedom.
  • “For the first time in my life, I felt like Jesus had his hand on my shoulder and was looking at me and saying, ‘Nancy, I believe this about you.’” (19:30 - Carrie Stageberg)
• Compassion for the Struggle: Hosts reflect that many listeners share the struggle of translating intellectual faith into felt experience (20:05 - 21:02).

The Importance of Picturing a Special Future (20:12 - 24:04)

• Words That Wound: Dr. Trent shares a formative high school story—a teacher passes him only to avoid having him again, writing, "the only reason I'm passing you is because I don't want to see you next year." (21:54 - 22:33)

• How a Parent’s Blessing Heals: In contrast, his mother, through eye contact and affirming words—"I wouldn't be surprised if God used you someday to help other people with your words"—helped to heal and redirect his sense of value and destiny. (24:04 - Dr. John Trent)

• Resolution: Decades later, the same teacher apologized after realizing the pain she’d caused, facilitated by Dr. Trent’s mother’s confrontation. (24:40 - 25:12)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Universal Longing for Blessing (06:03):
  “He cries out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry and says, ‘Bless me, even me also, O my father.’ … That’s what I had a name for … the blessing.” — Dr. John Trent

• On Parental Pain and Human Blind Spots (01:18):
  “I consider myself pretty healthy, but, man, I have been working with Jean and she's been very good about saying, well, you might want to look at it a little differently, finding those blind spots. … It's a good pursuit to stay on that.” — Jim Daly

• On Touch and the Unspoken Impact (15:14):
  “These elements of the blessing, when they're not there, the body keeps score.” — Dr. John Trent

• On Internalizing Value (16:29): “You were created specifically on purpose.” — Carrie Stageberg

• On the Role of a Parent’s Blessing (24:04): “I don't care what that teacher says. You do such a good job of using words. I wouldn't be surprised if God used you someday to help other people with your words.” — Dr. John Trent’s mother

• On True Restoration (07:13):
  “…once you realize in Christ, you really can reverse all that hurt.” — Dr. John Trent

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Content | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:22-07:29 | What is "the blessing"? (biblical roots, psychological need) | | 07:29-09:16 | Carrie’s personal brokenness despite Christian upbringing | | 09:40-11:54 | John’s childhood: abandonment, disability, and attachment | | 13:03-13:25 | Five key blessing elements (attachment theory) | | 13:40-16:46 | Explaining each element; illustrative family stories | | 16:46-20:05 | Why people struggle to believe they are loved/blessed | | 20:12-24:40 | Negative vs. positive prophecy—teacher, mother, forgiveness |

Takeaways for Listeners

• Brokenness is universal—even in loving, Christian families.
• "The Blessing" is a key biblical and psychological framework to repair and rebuild what was missing or damaged.
• Healing often involves not just understanding but experiencing—having a “moment of attachment” with Jesus that reorients one’s sense of value.
• Giving the blessing requires five elements: meaningful touch, affirming words, ascribing high value, picturing a special future, and genuine commitment.
• Parents, mentors, and friends can offer blessings that heal, and even spiritual adoption in Christ can fill lifelong gaps.
• It is never too late to bless or be blessed. Healing is possible—sometimes years or decades after the original wound.

For Further Support

• Your Journey from Broken to Blessed, by Dr. John Trent & Carrie Stageberg (offered as a resource)
• Focus on the Family’s free phone counseling (Contact: 800-A-FAMILY)
• Related content and tools available at strongfamilies.com and through Focus on the Family’s website

Summary prepared for listeners seeking hope, practical help, and biblical encouragement in the face of brokenness— with compelling stories, actionable insights, and a clear path toward restoration in Christ.