Podcast Summary: Heartwarming Ways to Love the Elderly in Your Family

Podcast: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Episode Date: December 22, 2025
Guest: Isabel Tom, author of The Value of Wrinkles
Hosts: Jim Daly and John Fuller

Overview

This episode explores the essential and often-overlooked ways we can honor, love, and meaningfully connect with the elderly members of our families and communities. Guest Isabel Tom, author and self-described "retired granddaughter," joins hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller to share practical wisdom and heartwarming stories, drawing from her personal life and her experiences in senior care and hospice. The discussion challenges common negative perceptions on aging and emphasizes the deep value, dignity, and opportunities for intergenerational relationships grounded in faith and love.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Perceptions of Aging & Cultural Attitudes

• Opening Reflections on Aging ([01:01]–[02:10])
  • The episode opens with lighthearted quotes on aging, such as, “Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional,” and a C.S. Lewis classic, “You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.”
• Negative Societal Messaging ([05:08]–[07:13])
  • Isabel critiques the cultural obsession with "anti-aging," noting society’s double standard:

    “Anytime you use the word ‘anti’… it's a bad thing. But then when you hear the word ‘anti-aging,’ nobody reacts strongly… In fact, I would say people flock because you look at the anti-aging industry and they make billions…” — Isabel ([05:27])

  • She challenges listeners to reconsider seeing aging as negative.

Personal Connection & Experiences

• Household Dynamics & Special Names ([02:34]–[04:09])
  • Isabel grew up living with her paternal grandparents, affectionately called Ma and Yeye (Cantonese for grandmother and grandfather), which deeply shaped her views.
• Choosing a Career in Elder Care ([04:09]–[05:08])
  • Initially uninterested in geriatrics, Isabel was drawn to a retirement community job after joining a nursing home ministry in college, partly to fill the void of missing her grandparents.
• The Emotional Landscape of Aging ([07:13]–[08:06])
  • Isabel observes a key disconnect between outer physical aging and the youthful spirit many carry inside, sharing:

    “You don't feel that age in your head… It's like your body is presenting something that you're not inside your mind.” — Jim Daly ([07:33]) “The ideas [of my 90-year-old friends] are… the same types of things, hopes and dreams that somebody who's in their 20s would have.” — Isabel ([07:52])

Benefits of Intergenerational Relationships

• Time and Attention: The Grandparent Factor ([09:02]–[10:26])
  • Grandparents offer unhurried attention, a unique antidote to modern family busyness:

    “Older adults and grandparents… offer an extra layer of love, attention, and availability… everybody is in a frenzy… To have somebody to give you their attention… that's a huge gift.” — Isabel ([09:39])

• Presence Over Preaching ([11:07]–[11:52])
  • Wisdom is often transmitted through daily presence and nurture rather than direct advice:

    “She was just a nurturing presence to me… I would say she was a reflection of Jesus to me. She delighted in my presence.” — Isabel on her grandmother ([11:21])

Creative Ways to Connect

• Adopting Grandparents ([11:52]–[13:04])

  • For those without nearby grandparents, Isabel suggests “adopting” elders in your church or neighborhood, fostering meaningful cross-generational bonds.

• Anecdote: Mr. & Mrs. Cook ("Pseudo-Parents") ([13:04]–[13:59])

  • A retired couple attended Isabel's field hockey games when her own parents couldn't, demonstrating how anyone can step into an honorary grandparent role and make a big impact.

The Power of Loving Touch & Presence

• The Importance of Touch ([14:13]–[16:04])
  • Many elderly people, especially widows, suffer from a lack of positive physical touch:

    “The only physical touch they may receive is… someone helping them... So, just a hug… especially with widows… Like that is medicine.” — Isabel ([14:48])

• Service Projects vs. Genuine Connection ([16:47]–[17:37])
  • Isabel cautions against seeing the elderly as “projects to fix” and instead approaches them as people God calls us to love, emphasizing dignity and reciprocal relationship.

Loneliness, Loss, and Life’s Final Chapter

• Loneliness in Old Age ([17:37]–[18:54])
  • Isabel highlights that even with a loving family, social circles shrink dramatically with age, making intentional connection and presence even more important.
• A Noble Task: Ushering Loved Ones Into Heaven ([19:02]–[20:53])
  • Sharing her experience walking her grandmother through her final days, Isabel frames caring for the elderly at life’s end as a sacred calling:

    “God had given me this assignment, this divine assignment, this noble task to walk my grandparents to the gate of heaven… even when somebody’s at the end of life… remind them that they matter.” — Isabel ([19:06])

• Mission Field at Home:

  “...instead of going for a mission trip… what if we just went and found older adults in our communities and just loved them the way Jesus did?” — Isabel ([20:23])

Honoring the Elderly: East vs. West

• Cultural Modeling of Honor ([20:53]–[22:56])
  • Isabel draws from her Asian heritage, explaining that modeling respect for elders through small daily actions—rather than formal instruction—is key to passing on these values:

    “...my parents didn’t have us use [the bathroom]… They reserved it for my grandparents as a sign of respect. It’s all these little things… modeling it.” — Isabel ([21:23])

  • She encourages parents to demonstrate honor for their own elders as a means of teaching their children.

Growing Older With Purpose: The “Three G’s”

• Gratitude, Growth, Grief ([23:33]–[24:47])

  • Isabel’s personal guide for aging well:
    1. Gratitude: Reflect on what you’re thankful for.
    2. Growth: Consider how you’ve changed or learned each year.
    3. Grief: Acknowledge and process the necessary losses of aging.
  • She emphasizes the importance of ongoing learning and self-reflection, even picking up skateboarding before 40.

• Choosing Joy Over Bitterness in Later Years ([24:47]–[25:49])

  • Isabel urges listeners to focus on God’s inner work rather than the outward decline:

    “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart… as we get older… a lot of growth actually happens at the end of life because that’s when we start to see things from a completely different perspective.” — Isabel ([25:17])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” — Jim Daly ([01:18])
• “Anti-aging… nobody is offended… In fact… they make billions…” — Isabel ([05:27])
• “You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — Jim Daly quoting C.S. Lewis ([01:35])
• “Seniors are not service projects. They are not projects to fix… they matter.” — Isabel ([16:47])
• “God had given me this assignment, this divine assignment, this noble task to walk my grandparents to the gate of heaven.” — Isabel ([19:06])
• “If I want to be cared for when I'm older, then what I need to do is be an example.” — Isabel ([22:56])
• “A lot of growth actually happens at the end of life because that's when we start to see things from a completely different perspective.” — Isabel ([25:17])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:01] – Opening reflections and quotes about aging
• [02:34] – Isabel’s background, living with grandparents
• [05:08] – Critique of anti-aging culture
• [07:33] – On feeling young at heart
• [09:39] – Why grandparent-grandchild bonds are special
• [11:07] – Modeling the love of Christ through presence
• [13:04] – The story of Mr. and Mrs. Cook (“adopted” grandparents)
• [14:48] – Importance of touch for the elderly
• [16:47] – Avoiding a “service project” mentality
• [17:37] – The pain of loneliness in aging
• [19:06] – Ushering a loved one to heaven as a sacred task
• [21:23] – East vs. West: Modeling honor in daily life
• [23:33] – Isabel’s Three G’s for aging well: Gratitude, Growth, Grief
• [25:17] – Focusing on joy, inner growth, and “ending well”

Concluding Insights

This episode challenges listeners to embrace, not fear, the aging process—both in themselves and others—offering practical, Christ-centered ways to honor, serve, and learn alongside the elderly. The stories, cultural reflections, and gentle wisdom shared by Isabel Tom remind families and communities that cherishing the elderly is a biblical calling, a blessing, and an opportunity for growth at every age.

Action Steps:

• Look for opportunities to connect with and honor older adults, whether they are grandparents, neighbors, or fellow church members.
• Model honor and respect for elders in daily life—your children are watching.
• Approach the elderly as equals and bearers of wisdom, not as projects or charity cases.
• Consider Isabel’s “Three G’s”—Gratitude, Growth, Grief—when reflecting on your own journey of aging and family relationships.

For more resources:

• Isabel Tom’s book The Value of Wrinkles is available through Focus on the Family.
• Visit the Focus on the Family website or check the show notes for related resources and ways to connect.