Podcast Summary

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode Title: Helping Your Child Develop Resilience (Part 1 of 2)
Date: January 20, 2026
Guest: Dr. Kathy Koch (Author of Resilient Kids; Founder of Celebrate Kids)

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the vital role of teaching and modeling resilience within Christian families, particularly for children. Host Jim Daly, co-host John Fuller, and guest Dr. Kathy Koch dive deep into why resilience is foundational for character development, spiritual growth, and future success. Through biblical insights, personal stories, and practical strategies, parents are guided on how to empower their kids to face life's inevitable struggles, own their mistakes, and emerge stronger in faith and maturity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Biblical and Practical Foundation of Resilience

• Scripture as Guide: Jim Daly emphasizes 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 as scriptural backing for the idea of resilience—being afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not driven to despair (01:04).
• Resilience Defined: Resilience is described as “bouncing back from struggles and difficulties”—not just enduring hardship but growing through it (01:43).

2. Balancing Parental Protection with Growth

• Dr. Koch highlights the modern tension parents feel between protecting children and allowing them to struggle (03:21):

  “If we don't allow our children to suffer a bit and struggle and learn how to step up on their own, they'll become way too fragile.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (03:21)

• Bubble wrap parenting is discussed as a danger, fostering fragility rather than strength.
• Parents must learn to let go of the fear that a child’s struggles reflect poorly on their parenting (05:07).

3. Personal and Practical Stories

• Swimming Trauma Story: Dr. Koch recounts a childhood experience where she was injured by a skipping stone but chose to swim again the next day, illustrating resilience’s real-life impact and parental support (06:17–07:23).
• Second Graders & Snowsuits: As a teacher, Koch would watch her students struggle with putting on snowsuits, resisting the urge to help. This allowed them to learn through trial and error and experience victory on their own (10:12–11:54).

  “You can’t steal their victory. If you do everything for them, you steal their victory.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (11:30)

4. Benefits of Resilience

• Growth in character, faith, perseverance, problem-solving, and healthy independence.
• Research notes resilient people experience healthier mental health and are not defined by their anger or setbacks (07:51–09:19).
• Parents are encouraged to let children experience “teachable moments” and not prevent every consequence (05:07, 11:54).

5. Teaching Explanatory Style

• “Explanatory Style”: The way kids (and adults) tell themselves stories about failure and struggle has four elements (13:03–15:34):
  • Who is responsible?
  • How long will it last?
  • How will it affect them?
  • What will it require to overcome?
• Resilient children tend to own their shortcomings and strengths, compartmentalize failures, see setbacks as temporary, and recognize actionable solutions.

6. Addressing Permanence and Mistakes vs. Failure

• Teach kids—and demonstrate yourself—that bad moments don’t last forever (15:34–16:26).

• Mistakes are a normal part of learning, not an indicator of stupidity or worthlessness; the episode encourages families to explicitly define “mistake” and “failure” and avoid using the word "failure" as a label (17:54–19:45).

  “Mistake means we try again.… The reason you’re in school is that you don’t know everything yet and you’re going to make mistakes.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (18:39)

• Parents should transparently share their own mistakes, modeling humility and growth (20:03).

7. It’s Never Too Late to Start

• Koch encourages parents of older kids or teens to acknowledge past mistakes openly and ask for a chance to improve the parent-child relationship (20:28–21:39).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “God has a plan for every person he creates. And it's only when we're resilient… that we'll learn and grow and discover how life works.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (00:32)
• “Let your children struggle. Sometimes it's so hard; let them suffer the consequences. They forgot there was a test. You chose not to remind them. They earn a C.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (05:07)
• “You can’t steal their victory. If you do everything for them, you steal their victory.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (11:30)
• “Mistake means we try again.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (18:39)
• “Would you give me a chance? Because I'd really like to improve so that our relationship is stronger and your future is brighter.”
  —Dr. Kathy Koch (21:19)

Important Timestamps

| Segment | Topic | |---------|-------| | 01:04 | Resilience in Scripture (2 Corinthians 4:8–9) | | 03:21 | Why parents struggle with allowing their kids to struggle | | 05:07 | Consequences & fragility in modern kids | | 06:17 | Dr. Koch’s childhood trauma & swimming story | | 10:12 | Second graders and snowsuits—learning through struggle | | 13:03 | Explanatory style: Four elements explained | | 15:34 | Teaching impermanence to children | | 17:54 | Differences between mistakes and failures | | 20:28 | It's never too late to change as a parent | | 22:19 | Dr. Danny Huerta introduces Built for Resilience curriculum |

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Resilient Kids: Raising Them to Embrace Life with Confidence by Dr. Kathy Koch
• Built for Resilience (Focus on the Family curriculum for churches and schools)
  • Introduced by Dr. Danny Huerta (22:19)

Tone & Language

The conversation is practical, compassionate, rooted in Christian values, and filled with encouragement. Both Jim Daly and Dr. Koch use real-life examples and empathetic language, emphasizing humility, grace, and intentional parenting.

Conclusion

Part 1 delivers a strong, biblically grounded case for the essential role of resilience in child development. Dr. Kathy Koch offers expert advice, actionable frameworks, and warm encouragement for parents at any stage. The episode closes by reminding listeners that instilling resilience is an ongoing journey—one that begins with humility and transparency from parents themselves.

Stay tuned for Part 2, where Dr. Koch will continue sharing strategies and insights to help Christian families thrive.