Focus on the Family with Jim Daly: Episode Summary — "How to Prepare for Parenting Teens"

Release Date: February 7, 2025

In this insightful episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, host Jim Daly and co-host John Fuller engage in a profound discussion with guest Kristen Hatton, a counselor, author, and mother of three adult children. Together, they explore the multifaceted journey of parenting teenagers, offering practical advice grounded in Christian faith. The conversation delves into the delicate balance between guiding teens and allowing them the freedom to grow, the impact of parental influence, and the importance of establishing meaningful family rhythms.

1. The Role of Parental Influence

John Fuller opens the dialogue by emphasizing the significant impact parents have on their children:

“They watch everything, don't they?... To love the Lord, let them see that, to teach them God's word and to hopefully build into them that thirst to know the Lord...”
[00:45]

Jim Daly reflects on his awareness of his own influence:

“I've become aware of how much I can or maybe can't.”
[00:45]

The hosts underscore the importance of parents serving as positive role models, demonstrating love for God, and instilling biblical values in their children.

2. Balancing Control and Independence

Kristen Hatton introduces the concept of allowing children to experience trials to build resilience:

“Our children need to experience trials. It builds resilience and trust in the Lord and growth. But if we are over parenting, then we're over controlling...”
[00:09]

She cautions against overparenting, which can lead to over-controlling behaviors that prevent teens from encountering real-life challenges essential for their development.

3. Reflecting on Past Parenting Choices

When asked if she would change anything about her parenting, Kristen Hatton admits:

“Absolutely. I am not the same mom that I was 26 years ago when my daughter was born...”
[03:31]

She highlights the importance of being present and attentive, acknowledging moments when multitasking led to missed emotional cues from her children.

4. Proactive vs. Reactive Parenting

Kristen Hatton distinguishes between proactive and reactive parenting styles:

“A reactive parent is responding just off the cuff to whatever comes their way... A proactive parent has thought ahead of time, like, what is our aim?”
[11:01]

She advocates for proactive parenting, where parents establish long-term goals and guidelines to guide their decisions, much like a coach plans for a season.

An illustrative story involves her proactive approach to managing her son's discovery of a co-ed slumber party, which ultimately led to its cancellation:

“The whole slumber party just went away at that point. Because other parents...”
[12:14]

5. Avoiding Idolatry in Parenting

The conversation turns to the dangers of making aspects of parenting into idols—placing undue importance on children’s behavior or personal comforts:

“When all of a sudden it is our functional God, like we have to have something... Our child misbehaves, then we interpret that as we look like a bad mom or dad.”
[15:03]

John Fuller and Kristen Hatton discuss common idols in parenting, such as success, control, comparison, comfort, and happiness. They emphasize the need for parents to root their identity in Christ rather than in their role as parents.

6. Teaching a Biblical Theology of Suffering

A pivotal point in the discussion is teaching teens to understand and trust in God during times of suffering:

“We are going to suffer... We are going to have trials. But in it, we take part in Christ...”
[20:41]

Kristen Hatton explains that a proper theology of suffering helps children develop resilience and humility, understanding that trials are part of life and trusting in God’s presence throughout.

7. Establishing Family Rhythms

The hosts and guest explore the importance of consistent family routines beyond mealtime, which facilitate bonding and reinforce values:

Kristen Hatton shares strategies for sibling bonding and maintaining strong relationships:

“We wanted our children to have sibling bonding time... They have their own little group text. So they have their relationship separate.”
[22:52]

The conversation highlights how intentional family activities, such as shared outings or games, strengthen familial ties and provide a foundation for open communication.

8. Final Advice for Parents: Embrace Humility and Connection

As the episode nears its conclusion, Kristen Hatton offers heartfelt advice to parents reflecting on their journey:

“It is never too late... if you're not in the habit of saying, I'm sorry, start there. And then intentional connection.”
[24:26]

She encourages parents to seek forgiveness where needed, foster intentional connections, and incorporate play and joy into interactions with their children to sustain meaningful relationships.

Key Takeaways

• Model Faith and Values: Parents should exemplify the love of the Lord and instill biblical principles through daily actions.

• Allow Growth Through Trials: Letting teens face challenges builds resilience and trust in God, avoiding overprotective behaviors.

• Be Present and Attentive: Active presence and listening are crucial for understanding and supporting teens’ emotional needs.

• Plan with Long-Term Goals: Proactive parenting, with clear objectives, helps navigate the complexities of raising teenagers.

• Avoid Idolatry: Ensure that aspects of parenting do not overshadow the primary focus on faith and Christ-centered living.

• Teach Through Suffering: Equip teens with a biblical understanding of suffering to foster humility and reliance on God.

• Maintain Family Rhythms: Consistent family activities strengthen bonds and uphold shared values.

• Embrace Humility and Connection: Continuous efforts to connect, apologize, and engage joyfully with teens fortify familial relationships.

For Further Resources: Kristen Hatton's book, Parenting: Preparing Now for the Teen Years, is highlighted as a valuable resource for parents seeking to navigate the challenges of raising teenagers with faith-based strategies. Details and access to the book are available in the show's notes.

This episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly offers a blend of personal reflection, practical advice, and spiritual guidance, making it an essential listen for parents aiming to prepare effectively for the teenage years.