Podcast Summary: Parenting Adult Children When They Walk Away from God (Part 2 of 2)

Podcast: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Guest: Mary DeMuth, author, speaker, host of the "Pray Every Day" podcast
Date: November 19, 2025
Episode Purpose:
This episode continues a compassionate, practical conversation about how Christian parents can respond when their adult children stray from faith. Drawing on her own experiences as a mother of three—two of whom have stepped away from Christianity—Mary DeMuth explores emotional processing, relationship strategies, financial boundaries, and prayerful perseverance for parents facing this common but painful issue.

Main Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Emotional Shock of an Adult Child’s Rebellion

• Critical Transition: When children first leave home—often for college or independence—the abrupt change in behavior can be painful and disorienting for parents who invested heavily in their spiritual development.
• Emotional Response:
  • Mary DeMuth [04:41]:
    "When they're under your roof, you do have a little bit more say in their behavior... But once they're far away in another environment, it's very hard."
  • Jim Daly [05:34]:
    "It's like a divorce in a way because you've played this role for 18 years and it doesn't just snap in half..."

Insight:
Parents must learn to transition from hands-on parenting to a more supportive, backseat role. This requires grieving with God, sharing burdens with trusted friends (without gossip), and seeking accountability to avoid being overbearing.

2. Healthy Involvement and Boundaries with Adult Children

• Let Them Lead: Parents should respect boundaries, allowing adult children to set the tone for involvement (unless their actions endanger themselves or others).
  • Mary DeMuth [06:24]:
    "We have to let them lead that. And some are on a process of they just need to separate in order to kind of get their heads on straight..."
• The Urge to ‘Re-parent’:
  • A key struggle is resisting the urge to “fix” situations or offer unsolicited advice.

3. Financial Support — Blessing vs. Enabling

• Balancing Generosity:

  • Jim Daly [07:06]: admits to “overdoing” financial help because of his own upbringing.
  • Mary DeMuth [07:40]:
    "When we're benevolent, we try not to have it be predictable benevolence, but just to bless them in surprising ways..."
    This means spontaneous rather than regular support, avoiding the expectation that parents will always bail them out.

• Avoiding Harm:

  • Mary DeMuth [10:30]:
    “Maybe I'm funding their drug lifestyle, so you wouldn't want to do that...every child is different. One that would be emboldening them in their sin, and another, it would be blessing them.”

4. Building Relationship through Personalization and Attentiveness

• Drawing from Past Examples:
  • Mary shares how her grandmother would send cut-out magazine clippings related to her interests, making her feel seen and loved:
  • Mary DeMuth [11:50]:
    "She saw me, she knew what my interests were...And that has translated to me, as a parent, of looking at those adult kids and thinking, how can I be like that to them?"

5. Persevering in Prayer and Holding onto Hope

• The Weariness of Unanswered Prayer:
  • Jim Daly [12:29]:
    “Even prayer for some of these adult children gets wearying...How do you stay motivated to keep trusting the Lord?”
• Taking a Long View:
  • Mary DeMuth [13:20]:
    "We have to have a long view of prayer and realize persevere through it. It matters. God's timing is not the same as ours..."
  • Shares story of praying for her mother for 45 years, only seeing a breakthrough after decades.

6. Using Lament Psalms for Parenting Grief (15:10)

• Practical Tool:
  • Mary encourages parents to write their own Psalms of lament—honestly laying out complaints, then declaring faith in God’s character regardless of the outcome.
  • Mary DeMuth [15:32]:
    “It begins with honesty...this didn't happen the way I wanted it to...But I believe that you are hearing me..."

7. Navigating LGBTQ Issues with Love and Conviction (16:45–20:29)

• Real Example:
  • Mary recounts parents who maintained their faith practices—and prayed over their child’s same-sex partner without compromising their convictions, showing love and impact.
  • Mary DeMuth [17:27]:
    “We don’t have to change our theology to love our kids...You never know what’s going to happen.”
• Finding the Narrow Way:
  • Mary DeMuth [19:37]:
    “You get to have your own beliefs. The Lord allows you to have your own beliefs. But you can also err on the side of love at all times.”

8. Responding to Mistakes and Modeling Humility

• Accountability:
  • Mary DeMuth [21:02]:
    “Sometimes things come out of my mouth...that was a very judgy, control-y thing that I just said. Jesus, have mercy on me. And then in the next breath, will you forgive me?”
  • Encourages ongoing self-awareness and apology as needed.

9. Finding Joy and Meaning in the Empty Nest

• The Daisy the Dog Analogy (22:05):
  • Parenting, though demanding, gives way to freedom and new opportunities for ministry and marriage growth when children become independent.
  • Mary DeMuth [22:05]:
    “When they're released and they jump out there into the joy, you can do that too...Your ministry life can just explode because you have more time and more availability.”

10. Parental Estrangement and The Example of God

• For Parents with No Relationship:

  • Mary DeMuth [25:45]:
    “Remember that God in the Garden was a perfect parent and his kids walked away from him...you will have deeper camaraderie with Jesus in those moments because he absolutely empathizes and understands with the entire human race walking away from him.”

• Unconditional Hope:

  • Jim Daly [27:08]:
    "Always hold out hope. Give up hope and don't change or become sour in the relationship...And that's your only chance, your only hope for it, right? With the Lord's help."

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parent-Child Relationship after Rebellion:
  Mary DeMuth [05:34]:
  "It's like a divorce in a way because you've played this role for 18 years and it doesn't just snap in half in a moment..."

• On Prayer and Perseverance:
  Mary DeMuth [13:20]:
  “We have to have a long view of prayer and realize persevere through it. It matters. God's timing is not the same as ours and we don't get to dictate to the Lord the timing in which he answers our prayers.”

• On Loving Kids through Their Choices:
  Mary DeMuth [17:27]:
  "We don't have to change our theology to love our kids. We can be good listeners. We can walk alongside, but we can pray at the dinner table. You never know what's going to happen."

• On Joy in the Empty Nest:
  Mary DeMuth [22:05]:
  "You are going to have time with your spouse that you've never had before, and your ministry life can just explode because you have more time and more availability."

• On Parental Estrangement:
  Mary DeMuth [25:45]:
  "God in the Garden was a perfect parent and his kids walked away from him... you will have deeper camaraderie with Jesus in those moments because he absolutely empathizes..."

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Dealing with the shock of kids leaving faith: 03:13–05:18
• Transition from parenting teens to adults: 06:18–07:06
• Finances, boundaries, and unpredictability: 07:40–10:04
• How relationship is built through details and attentiveness: 11:50–12:29
• Prayer weariness and perseverance: 12:29–14:32
• Using the Psalms of Lament for parental grief: 15:10–16:45
• Engaging with LGBTQ issues while maintaining conviction: 16:45–20:29
• Owning and apologizing for parental mistakes: 21:02–21:39
• Joy and new meaning in the empty nest years: 22:05–23:09
• Coping with estrangement & God’s example: 25:45–27:08

Final Takeaways

• The journey of parenting adult children—especially when they stray from faith—demands a reorientation from control and correction to prayerful patience, humility, and hope.
• Listen actively, affirm their worth, set healthy boundaries, and always keep the relationship doors open without compromising core convictions.
• Model imperfection honestly—both through apologies and through a willingness to lament to God.
• Trust God’s long-term work in your child’s life, even when no outward change is visible.
• Joy, new opportunities, and deeper walks with God are possible in every season—even in parental grief.

This summary distills the episode’s wisdom, practical strategies, and spiritual encouragement for parents hurting over an adult child’s distance from both family and faith, while offering hope for restoration and the steadfast love that endures through every wilderness.