Setting a New Rhythm for Your Family

Summary

Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly – Episode: "Setting a New Rhythm for Your Family"

Release Date: January 2, 2025

In the January 2, 2025 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller welcome Chris and Jenny Grabe, a couple of five children, authors of the book "Rhythm of Five: Intentional Practices for a Thriving Family Culture," and hosts of the podcast "Rhythm of Us." The episode delves into establishing healthy, life-giving rhythms within the family to foster a thriving Christian household.

Introduction: Embracing Family Rhythms

The episode kicks off with Chris Grabe emphasizing the importance of being present and in awe of one’s family:

"Being in awe, posturing yourself with your hands open, heart open, eyes open to see the wonder that is this marriage and family."
[00:00] Chris Grabe

John Fuller introduces Chris and Jenny, highlighting their expertise in creating intentional family rhythms. Jim Daly underscores the significance of intentionality in family life, noting how families can drift into routines without meaningful engagement:

"Every time we can kind of wake you up to that fact to pay attention. That's our goal. And to give you great advice on how to correct some of the things..."
[00:34] Jim Daly

The Need for Family Rhythms

As families grow, maintaining intentional rhythms becomes challenging. Jenny Grabe shares the Grabe family's motivation behind their book, aiming to align daily practices with their core values to prevent drifting along cultural norms:

"We want to be intentional. We want to make sure that these rhythms we're filling our home with are lining up with our values."
[03:10] Jenny Grabe

Jim Daly relates to parents who may initially overlook the need for structured rhythms amidst the chaos of raising multiple children, advising the importance of evaluating and adjusting family habits to reflect intended values.

The Five Rhythms for a Thriving Family

Chris and Jenny Grabe introduce five practical rhythms designed to strengthen family culture:

1. Speaking Life

Jim Daly initiates the discussion by highlighting the critical role of positive communication within the family. Jenny Grabe reinforces this by sharing how both parents actively verbalize their appreciation:

"If you can cultivate this atmosphere, speaking life into your kids and into your family, there's a massive amount of fruit that will come."
[06:21] Jenny Grabe

Chris Grabe adds that modeling positive speech influences not only the marital relationship but also sets a foundation for how children interact:

"We speak life to each other, then also speak life to our children as well, because we wanted that to reverberate for generations to come."
[08:57] Chris Grabe

A poignant story shared by Jenny illustrates the impact of recognizing and nurturing a child’s positive traits:

"He was passing on the characteristics of thoughtfulness and kindness of thinking of somebody else..."
[09:17] Jenny Grabe

2. Serving

Jim Daly transitions to the rhythm of serving, emphasizing that serving family members doesn’t have to be a grand gesture but can be integrated into daily interactions. Chris Grabe shares a meaningful example:

"Our daughter asked Jenny if she could clean out the bottom of one of our closets so she could go and have a reading corner... she found my wedding ring."
[12:39] Chris Grabe

This story exemplifies how serving involves entering a child’s world, listening to their needs, and fostering a supportive environment without overstepping.

3. Seeking Adventure

The rhythm of seeking adventure encourages families to break free from monotonous routines and pursue joyful, shared experiences. Chris Grabe recounts a thrilling skiing adventure that, despite its challenges, ultimately strengthened family bonds:

"We get to come together and celebrate that... it was just a really bonding moment."
[17:54] Chris Grabe

Jenny Grabe echoes the importance of embracing both planned and spontaneous adventures to create lasting memories:

"Nobody wants to do that. We want to marvel at all the adventures we said yes to..."
[19:36] Jenny Grabe

4. Slowing Down

In a fast-paced culture, Jenny Grabe identifies the rhythm of slowing down as vital for savoring family moments amidst daily responsibilities:

"The best part of my day is never crossing off those things on my to do list; it's always the moments that I chose to slow down and savor whatever moment I have with my kids."
[21:47] Jenny Grabe

Practical strategies include allowing children to lead activities and prioritizing quality time over task completion, thereby strengthening familial relationships.

5. Staying in Awe

The final rhythm, staying in awe, involves cultivating a sense of wonder and appreciation for the everyday miracles within the family. Chris Grabe shares how their child’s admiration for sunsets fosters a culture of gratitude and presence:

"Being in awe, posturing yourself with your hands open, heart open, eyes open to see the wonder that is this marriage and family."
[24:17] Chris Grabe

This rhythm encourages families to remain present and cherish the fleeting, beautiful moments that constitute family life.

Conclusion: Building a Thriving Family Culture

As the episode wraps up, Jim Daly reiterates the importance of the five rhythms—speaking life, serving, seeking adventure, slowing down, and staying in awe—in creating a resilient and joyful family culture. He encourages listeners to utilize these practices to not only enhance their family dynamics but also to reflect a life centered around Christian values that can inspire others.

John Fuller and Jim Daly invite listeners to engage further by accessing resources such as the "Rhythm of Home" book and participation in counseling assessments to evaluate and improve parenting strategies. The episode concludes with a heartfelt endorsement of the Grabe family’s methods as essential tools for any Christian family striving to thrive in today’s world.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "Being in awe, posturing yourself with your hands open, heart open, eyes open to see the wonder that is this marriage and family."
  [00:00] Chris Grabe

• "If you can cultivate this atmosphere, speaking life into your kids and into your family, there's a massive amount of fruit that will come."
  [06:21] Jenny Grabe

• "We speak life to each other, then also speak life to our children as well, because we wanted that to reverberate for generations to come."
  [08:57] Chris Grabe

• "The best part of my day is never crossing off those things on my to do list; it's always the moments that I chose to slow down and savor whatever moment I have with my kids."
  [21:47] Jenny Grabe

• "Being in awe, posturing yourself with your hands open, heart open, eyes open to see the wonder that is this marriage and family."
  [24:17] Chris Grabe

This comprehensive discussion equips Christian families with practical rhythms to nurture their relationships, fostering an environment where love, intentionality, and faith converge to build a thriving household.

Transcript

[Chris Grabe]

This is where we will look back and reflect on these moments right here. And so being in awe, posturing yourself with your hands open, heart open, eyes open to see the wonder that is this marriage and family. That's the way we try and posture for ourself in our marriage and ultimately for our kids as well.

[John Fuller]

That's Chris Grabe and he and his wife Jenny are here with us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. They're going to be sharing how you can bring some healthy life giving rhythms and patterns into your family. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, we talk about family a lot. I guess that's the title, right? Focus on the Family.

[John Fuller]

That's what we do.

[Jim Daly]

I mean, I do find it humorous sometimes people say, don't make an idol out of family. We get that. We're not trying to tell every single person they've got to get married. That's between them and the Lord. But we are here to talk about family, about marriage, about parenting, and we hope help you along that way so you can do it as best as you can. And one of the things that all of us tend to hit are these ruts where you get kind of out of sync and you just start doing the thing and then by the time you look up, five years has gone by. The kids are now seven and nine. And have we been as intentional as we needed to be as a parent? Hey, every time we can kind of wake you up to that fact to pay attention. That's our goal. And to give you great advice on how to correct some of the things that might help you do the parenting job better or the family job better.

[John Fuller]

And to do it better now while the kids are in the home, if they're in the home. And Chris and Jenny Grabe are really qualified to talk about this. They have five. They host the podcast the Rhythm of Us and they have a book with a similar title, the Rhythm of Five Intentional Practices for a Thriving Family Culture. Learn more about the Grabies and this book when you're at our website and we've got the link in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Chris and Jenny, welcome to Focus on the Family.

[Jenny Grabe]

Thank you so much for having us.

[Chris Grabe]

Good to be back.

[Jenny Grabe]

Good to be back with you guys.

[Chris Grabe]

You guys.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's great. Five kids. So I did a weird thing the other night. Dean and I were grabbing pizza at kind of, you know, one of those little fashionable pizza places downtown, and this young family came in and it was awesome. They had three kids, one in a stroller. They're getting pizza to go. And as we're walking out the door together, I said, that is great. You guys have had three kids. That's wonderful. I love seeing families. And we get in the car and Jean goes, that was weird. She goes, why would you say something? Because it's awesome to see young families having children. But she said, that is awesome. But I think it's a little odd to say that to strangers.

[Chris Grabe]

Well, when we show up at a restaurant, people are always people like, they start rolling their eyes, like, here we go, we have five kids. And then usually they come in like, your kids were so well behaved, they're waiting for us to ruin their night.

[Jim Daly]

Okay, but fundamentally, you think of a restaurant, they should be ringing the bell. A family of five in here, ding, ding, ding, ding. You know, that's money. That is for sure. It is kind of weird that the culture has leaned away from having big families and see it as something negative. I just, there's something in me that goes, wake up. I don't want to see any more of your dog pictures. Dogs are great, cats are great. But kids are better.

[Jenny Grabe]

They're pretty great. Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

And you guys are experts on that, having five kids yourself. Alright, Jenny? Yeah, I'm sure this gets right to it. Like some days you had to be going crazy.

[Jenny Grabe]

Oh, absolutely. You know, we always joke that, you know, after that third kid, it just starts getting chaotic. You know, after, you know, after your third week without sleep, you're like, what were all those things we said we were gonna do someday? What were all those things we said were important? And that's really where the book came from, was just really deep desire to be intentional, like you said. Like, we don't want to just forget all those things we said we were going to fill our family life with. We want to be intentional. We want to make sure that these rhythms we're filling our home with are lining up with our values. And we're going to have to sit down and put some thought behind this or we're just going to drift along with the culture around us.

[Jim Daly]

You know, about half the listenership and the research that we've done have kids in the home. So you're talking to moms and dads that they're at where you were at. How do you even know that you need a rhythm in your family when you have three kids, four kids, five kids, and rhythm is like the farthest thing from your mind?

[Jenny Grabe]

Well, the truth is we all have a rhythm of home, right? We have a set of habits that are carrying Us that are shaping us to become a certain kind of family. So the question really is, do we like that rhythm? Do we like those set of habits? Do we, Are they in line with our values? Do we like who they're shaping us to become as a family? And if not, how do we make some changes so that we can head in the right direction as a family?

[Jim Daly]

You know, Chris, I'm a terrible fix it guy around the house. I'm pathetic. I confess it. You know, Gene does a lot of it. That's even. I can't believe I'm saying this, but.

[Chris Grabe]

This is a safe place.

[Jim Daly]

I'm glad this is safe. But I, you know, in that context, let's start with the YouTube video about what is a rhythm? Tell me what it is.

[Chris Grabe]

Well, I mean, you know, when people say, we ask people all the time, are you in rhythm or out of rhythm? Pretty quickly people can go like, oh, I know where we're out of rhythm. Right. So the idea behind us coming up with this book is saying, okay. We started with our first book, the Rhythm of Us. That was about marriage. This one's like, okay, how do we take these same rhythms and bridge it to families? The same principles apply, but this idea of these five practical rhythms where people can go like, hey, what do I do today to get started?

[Jim Daly]

Right?

[Chris Grabe]

What are the five rhythms I can put my hands on?

[Jim Daly]

That's awesome. And we're gonna. That's what we wanna unfold, starting with speaking life. So let's describe that one. That one, first of all, so important, speaking life over your family, over your kids.

[Chris Grabe]

We always, we look at that rhythm as almost like a cornerstone between the other ones because you can focus on serving and some of these others, adventure. But if you're not speaking words of life to each other, nothing's gonna work. It's like, cool. I don't hear what you're saying because you haven't said the things that mean the most to me. And so we just as a value in our marriage that we started off early and now we do that with our kids. And we love this. I mean, for me, I'm a words guy. I love when Jenny will talk to me and share with me and tell me how much she loves me and all the things. Right? I'm an affirmation guy, but our kids are the same way. And so I think if you can cultivate this atmosphere, speaking life into your kids and into your family, there's a massive amount of fruit that will come.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. Jenny, I don't know if it goes with gender generally. I would think moms are pretty good about speaking life over their children. I don't know. I don't have any data, but I think men can struggle more.

[Jenny Grabe]

So for us, it's really the opposite. And it could just be personality type. Like you said, Chris is really good at this rhythm. If he saw a family at a pizza place, he would probably say, great job raising three kids. He would. Everything he thinks, he says out loud, which is a different conversation.

[Jim Daly]

And Jane would say, yep, I know that.

[Jenny Grabe]

Yep, yep. It sounds like Gene and I are a lot of like, um. But I have really had to work on this, you know, especially early on in our marriage. It wasn't that I wasn't thinking nice things. I just wasn't in the habit of speaking them out loud, which is a really different thing. You know, we. If we don't say them out loud, they don't really count because the people that we love don't get to hear those wonderful things we're thinking. And Chris really had to say after a while, like, hey, I'm going to need you to tell me that I'm awesome. Like, I need to hear this from you. Like, this is really important to me. And he was right. Over time, I really did learn by his example that just speak it out loud. When you think something nice, just take a moment. Speak it out loud.

[Jim Daly]

You know, it's amazing. When you look at, like, our counseling team, we take a look every month at the tally of what are the big headlines that are coming in. Just so we're aware. And you know, that breakdown in communication and marriage is always present in the top 15. And the reason I'm bringing it up, when you look at repairing damage in a marriage, this is one of the fundamental things. Can you just show appreciation for one another? And when you do that, it's like the human heart blossoms. It just opens up. We like to hear these things.

[Chris Grabe]

Yeah. One of the things we discovered, we were doing a retreat, and we were sitting there with these couples, and they were kind of walking through these rhythms. And I asked them, I said, we asked the question, how many of you saw Speaking Life modeled from your parents when you were growing up? Specifically mom and dad saying positive things about each other in front of the children, which also trickled down. 98% of the room said they never saw it. Never saw it. And people go, I never even saw it. I didn't model it. How do I do this? And I think we all have to realize what we're doing in our Marriage in our relationship is the foundation we're setting for our children and the marriage that they will have. And so true. We speak life to each other, then also speak life to our children as well, because we wanted that to reverberate for generations to come.

[Jim Daly]

Right. And that's not a budget item. You can do that without spending money on dinner and roses and just speak life over each other.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. There was one part of this that I was really interested in, Jenny. And you had a story about a dad who kind of spoke about potential. I mean, this is an element of speaking life, the potential he saw or set, I guess, for his child. Talk about that.

[Jenny Grabe]

I love this story. So there was a family growing up for me that was a really close family of mine. And then when I went off to college at Belmont in Nashville, they ended up living just a couple hours away. So whenever I got, you know, kind of the desire for a home cooked meal, I was eating diet Coke and popcorn, probably they would invite me, they would invite me over and cook a nice home cooked meal. And it was one of those nights. And I had been over with their family and they had several other people in the community over as well. And as the evening was dying down, the other guests started heading home and there was a single woman there who headed home. It was pretty late. And Michael, the dad, I will never forget this. You know, I'm probably 19 or 20 and I just, I was observing their family because they had an incredible marriage and family and I was just always learning from them. And he, he called out to his 11 year old son who just happened to be walking by after she had left, and he said, hey Chris, will you call Ms. Susan and just make sure she got home okay? And I turned around to him expecting a normal, you know, 11 year old boy's response would probably be like, what? I'm not doing that, or that's awk, you do it, or whatever it was. And he just said, oh yeah, dad, I'll do that. And he went and called her just to check on her. And I mean, there was so much happening right in that moment. Right. I mean, he not only spoke to the potential in his son to be thoughtful, he was passing on the characteristics of thoughtfulness and kindness of thinking of somebody else. He could have very easily gotten up and done it himself. Right. But then those character traits would have remained his own. But instead he saw an opportunity to call out something great in his son and teach him the incredible value of caring for somebody else.

[Jim Daly]

No, that's so good. And Again, very easy example. You can do that. You just need to be thinking that.

[Jenny Grabe]

Way, looking for those opportunities.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, Chris, let's go to the next one. The rhythm of serving. I like that. I think we tended to make that pretty complicated, though. We set up a time to go serve at the animal shelter. You know, Gene organized all that. But it didn't just happen. It was some thought, which sometimes people have a hard time getting over that. That barrier. If it's going to take a lot, but speak to the rhythm of serving and how you can make that a little easier.

[Chris Grabe]

Yeah, I think. I think Virginia and I, the five rhythms, even when we looked at our marriage, it was one that we both kind of was on the bottom rung for us. We had to learn how to serve each other. Right. And then, you know, you have kids and you go, okay, cool. And then there's a natural, like, you know, obviously, you're young, we need to help you and do that. But when we talk about serving, there's kind of this whole other level. One of the things we talk about a lot is really there's so many different ways we can serve our kids. And we say, enter their world. One of the best ways you can serve your children is just by listening to what they're saying. They're saying more than we can ever possibly imagine. But sometimes we don't just stop to listen to what they're saying. When you enter their world and you can serve them. Okay, what are you saying? What do you need right now? Okay, great, great example. One of our daughters, she was. She loves to read and be by herself. And so she asked Jenny if she could clean out the bottom of one of our closets so she could go and have a reading corner.

[Jenny Grabe]

This was in the middle of 2020. So all of that.

[Chris Grabe]

Everybody needs a minute.

[Jenny Grabe]

The introverts needed their space.

[Jim Daly]

I need to create a space.

[Chris Grabe]

Yes. So she listened to her, entered her world, and she cleaned out the space in the closet. She had a flashlight in there, and she was reading her book, and the flashlight kind of see something sparkly in the corner. And just a little backstory. At the time, Jenny had lost the diamond on her wedding ring, and we had no clue where it was.

[Jim Daly]

Yikes.

[Chris Grabe]

Well, she had lost it doing laundry. And it turns out, five months later, it was at the bottom of this closet. And our daughter comes back in. She goes, what is this, Mommy? And it was my wedding ring. It was the diamond for her wedding ring. Would she just go, okay? We entered her world, we served her and God Blessed us by bringing that back around. And so serving doesn't necessarily mean just doing the laundry and giving them food and running them to the thing. It's listening, entering the world, and discovering what God's doing in them right now.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. Jenny, let me ask this question. The difference between enabling and serving. I think when I assess my parenting, I may have been a bit more of an enabler to rescue them a little too quickly, but speak to both of those. Sometimes you need to lean one way or the other, but speak to the danger of the enabling.

[Jenny Grabe]

Yeah. I think what we want to be careful that we're not communicating is that you do everything for your kids because then you are enabling and you're also harming them because we're robbing them of this opportunity to learn to do things for themselves. Right. So there is a difference between opportunities to care for my kids and serve them and listen and dignify them. There's a kind of help and serving that dignifies them, and then there's a kind of help that harms them by robbing them of the opportunity to do things for themselves.

[Jim Daly]

What is the motivation for a parent who is over enabling? I mean, what's happening for them? They see that as I'm a great parent, it gives them some kind of satisfaction, I would think.

[Jenny Grabe]

Sure. I would think so as well. And I think that there's probably all different personality types with different motivations for doing that. But I think the times where I've caught myself doing that, it's usually just. It's easier.

[Jim Daly]

It's faster.

[Jenny Grabe]

It's easier to do it myself, you know, and it's. I'm probably gonna do it better because I'm a little bit older. I've had some more experience. But when I remember, like, oh, my goal here is to build that character like we talked about, to see those opportunities where, okay, yeah, I could just do this myself, or I could give them this incredible chance to grow into the person I'm praying they'll become. Then I can take that extra minute and let them do it themselves.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask both of you to respond to this one. The third one, Seeking adventure. I think that sounds like fun. That's where I would like to be. That's the parent I want to do.

[Jenny Grabe]

What's your favorite?

[Jim Daly]

I've got an idea. I just. Trent sent me a note the other day, and he said, dad, I'm just feeling nostalgic. I just love the fact that we shot rockets off at the park. Nighttime, no lights, Nerf fights, and Just all those things, that was fun. I enjoyed that so much. But you define it. What does it mean to seek adventure?

[Chris Grabe]

Oh, this is by far my. This is my by far, I knew it stories. Yeah, I mean, you know, we with five kids, you know, some are wired inherently for adventure and some are like, nope, feet on the ground. Adventure looks very different for each one of them. So but we, but one of the things we try and explain to people, people go, oh, well, you know, maybe I don't have the budget, we can't go on a big trip. They immediately go to like the big trip. And there can be adventures in every single day. You know, you can go, hey, we're going to break out the monotony of wake up, go to school, homework, go to bed. You know, you can go. Today we're doing. You got an E break on the emergency and you go, hey, we're going to go to the park today. We're going to the jump place. It could be something free. We're going to go to a waterfall, you know, adventure. We're all wired for adventure. I think, you know, Christ was the ultimate adventurer, right? And he called us to this wild life. And so I think we're all wired for it. I think some of us are just pre programmed to go, I don't think I want to do that. And so there's a story we write in the book about how we ended up. We took the kids skiing and the two older kids were. The three younger were at ski school, but the two older kids, you know, they were like, hey, we're gonna go off. And I'm like, okay, great. So we're like, cool. We're just gonna enjoy some us time on the slopes. And you get on a chair and you're like, okay, there's. It says blue and it says black on that. I was like, we'll just go up and do the blue. Well, and Jenny's like, are you sure there's a blue up there? I was like, oh, yeah, look, it's on the sign. We get to the top, there was no blue to be found. It was just straight black diamond with powder everywhere. And we're like, we're gonna die. We're literally gonna die. And it almost happened because we are just scrambling it. I'm looking at my. I'm like, I'm never gonna see my wife again. She's buried in the powder over there. And we finally roll our way out of the mountain. Get down. We're like, oh, we're never doing that again. And Then we're like, at the lodge, going, like, okay, we need a minute. And then we look up and we see our. Our daughter. And they. She comes walking in the corner. She's like, guys, we just got stuck on a black diamond. I'm like, what? So they both. So we're on our adventure, they're on their adventure. But we get to come together and celebrate that. Like, in them is the spirit of adventure that we've had the opportunity to craft. We're over there dying in the powder. They're dying in the powder. But we get to come together, unified, and share an amazing story of how we both just walked through some insanity, came on her side. It was just a really bonding moment.

[Jim Daly]

Jenny, let me aim this at you. The freedom to fly. You know, again, I don't mean to always talk in those terms, but moms can struggle a little bit with that, you know, like, that's dangerous. I mean, Jean and I, my goodness. They'd ride the bikes down the driveway, and she'd say, how come their helmets aren't on? I know half of you are going to say, okay, you should. Yeah, I know that. But they just jumped on the bike and they went down and they came back and put your helmet on, that kind of thing. But sometimes we can want to wrap our kids in bubble wrap, you know, man, we didn't have safety belts in cars when I was a kid. I used to jump in our station wagon. And anyway, you get the point. Just react to that. But I guess the mechanism, if you're the father or the mother, to relax that safety bubble a little bit and let your kids fly and then the other side of flying, whatever that might be.

[Jenny Grabe]

Absolutely. You know, like Chris said, like, we're all wired to fly. We all need adventure, whether we instinctively know that or not. The truth is, nobody wants to get to the end of their life or our kids get to the end of their time with us as a family and look back at all the things we wish we had done. Nobody wants to do that. We want to marvel at all the adventures we said yes to, you know, and sometimes as parents, that requires us stepping outside of our comfort zone. You know, like, God will call our kids to things that are way outside of my realm of comfortability. And I have to choose in those moments, okay, if God is calling them into this, am I going to say yes? Am I going to give them that freedom to fly and cheer them on as they go? Or am I going to cling to that comfort and to the safety and look Back and wish that we had said yes to some of those things.

[Jim Daly]

And there's. Sometimes you need to do that.

[Chris Grabe]

Well, the same thing can be true. You know, we want that for our kids, but the same thing needs to be true for our spouses. There's moments where our spouses have some dreams and we need to kind of water those to go, hey, wow, I'm gonna give you the freedom to fly in this. Because again, all of this comes from. If we want it in our kids, we have to model it in our marriage. And I think when. When a spouse comes behind and supports the other one in a way to go, I think it's time for you to step out, have an adventure, because you've been talking about this dream for a while. It's time for you to fly.

[Jim Daly]

There's something powerful about that that's really good.

[John Fuller]

You know, kind of related to this is family mottos. We did not have one. I wish we would have. You know, it kind of had a driving theme, but I guess you've got one about trusting God in writing the story. So this relates, I think, to the letting go and the freedom, for sure.

[Chris Grabe]

Yeah. I mean, look, we all believe we love Jesus in our house, right? And we believe that God has a plan for us and that he, if we bring him in on the equation, that we can write a pretty powerful story. And so we try to incorporate that into our kids lives and our marriage and everything we're doing to say, hey, what. What is God doing here? And how is he moving in you? And how is he moving in this season and moving in our family? And so we just truly believe that, you know, when we look up like we want the story to be amazing, we don't want. We don't want our kids, we don't want us in our marriage to look back and go like we left it on the table or whatever we wanted to go. Man, that was a wild, awesome ride. And what a powerful story. And God was at the center of it the whole way.

[Jim Daly]

That is so good. You know, we're coming up toward the last few minutes here, but we've covered the rhythm of serving, the rhythm of seeking adventure, the rhythm of speaking life. That's where we started. The fourth one is this idea of the rhythm of slowing down. Man, if any culture needs this, it's our culture in North America, because everybody's running fast and we're trying to get things done. And it's almost like our marriage and our parenting become a checklist. You know, have I done all the right things today for Gene. Have I been a good dad today and spent 10 minutes with each of the boys? It shouldn't be that. It's got to be that organic kind of thing. But when it comes to this rhythm of slowing down a. I guess, how do you identify it and then how do you do it?

[Jenny Grabe]

Yeah, I mean, this is arguably my favorite rhythm. I love this one, I think, because I need it so much. You know, as a mom, where I'm always looking at my to do list, and there is a lot of things on my to do list. With five kids and a house to run, it's never empty. But if I'm not careful, I can let myself get so consumed with getting things done that I miss out on the sweetness of family. You know, the best part of my day is never crossing off those things on my to do list is it's always the moments that I chose to slow down and savor whatever moment I have with my kids. And you said, what's the best way to practice this? There are several ways we outline in the book, but one of the easiest ways to start practicing this is just to let your kids take the lead. And this has happened so many times. For me, I'm lost in laundry or getting things done around the house, and one of my kids will invite me in to join them in some kind of activity, whether it's getting on the floor and playing Legos or making a batch of pretend cookies or just going for a walk in the neighborhood. And honestly, I wish I could say, I just stop what I'm doing, and I just say a hearty yes to every single invitation. But I don't always, because I feel the weight of getting everything done. But the times where I am able to slow down and say, yes, let's step into this moment together to build relationship. Those are always the best parts of the day. And the truth is, that's where our relationship with our kids is built. When we slow down to take that time to just be with them, what we're communicating to them is, I delight in you.

[Jim Daly]

Lastly, is this idea of staying in awe of God. This probably could be one of the best for the family. Who wants to take that one?

[Chris Grabe]

Yeah. I mean, we love this one. It was kind of a sleeper rhythm where you both go, wow. And when it hit, it was like, yes, we need this. I mean, this plays itself out in various ways, but, like, you know, cultivating that in our kids, helping them see the wonder of their life and life around them, we see this play out in our current nine year old, she sees a sunset and she makes sure everybody stops. She's like, mom, Dad, I love that. Look at that. And she's like, let's take pictures of it. And for us, we look up and go, okay, there's a lot happening. We're going to look back on this, on this marriage and this family and go, okay, what happened there was a blur. And I'm sure for you guys, the same thing. But we try to be as present as we can in the moment. I'm a futuristic guy, she's a nostalgic look back. But God has been good to help us. So when we find ourselves in the midst of that moment where there's a trampoline, kids are jumping the trampoline, they're hitting volleyballs, there's a fire in the backyard, we look at each other and we talk about this. In the book, we call it the this is it moment, where we don't ever have to look back and go, like one day we wish we go, no, no, this is it. This is where we will look back and reflect on these moments right here. And so being in awe, posturing yourself with your hands open, heart open, eyes open to see the wonder that is this marriage and family. That's the way we try and posture for ourself in our marriage and ultimately for our kids as well.

[Jim Daly]

Man, think of that. What a great place to end, unfortunately. But what a wonderful primer on what we need to be thinking of as parents. You know, your suggestions on how to slow down, how to stay in awe. Speak life over your family. Those are simple things that if you do them, I think you're going to have a far healthier family. Right? Which is the goal. And, boy, that speaks volumes too, to people watching you who maybe don't know the Lord. They're going, something's different with your family. How come you have that kind of joy? Isn't that good, man? So good to have you. Thanks for being with us.

[Jenny Grabe]

Thank you for having us.

[Jim Daly]

And let me turn to the listener and the viewer. Focus is here for you. We have so many resources. We have Christian counselors that can help you and talk with you and point you in a good direction. We have seven traits of effective parenting assessment, which is free. Just come and take that assessment. It'll show you in a good way the things that you're doing well and pat you on the back. Then it'll say, here's something you might want to do a little better. It's a great tool and it's free again. And we want you to get the Rhythm of Home by Chris and Jenny. It is a great resource. I wish I would have had this when my kids were younger or teens and and implemented many of these things. We did it by accident and we didn't do them all well. So get this resource to build that kind of healthy home that you want.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. Make a donation today of any amount, either a monthly pledge or a one time gift and we'll send a copy of the Rhythm of Home to you. You can donate online, we've got the link in the show notes or call 1-800-the letter A in the word family. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us today. For FOCUS on THE FAMILY with Jim Daly, I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

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