Simple Ways to Show Your Child Love

Summary

Podcast Summary: Simple Ways to Show Your Child Love

Podcast: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Episode Air Date: February 3, 2026
Guests: Matt & Lisa Jacobson
Books Referenced: 100 Ways to Love Your Daughter and 100 Ways to Love Your Son

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on practical and heartfelt ways for parents to show intentional love and affirmation to their children—both sons and daughters—drawing on biblical wisdom and the real-life experiences of Matt and Lisa Jacobson, parents of eight. Jim Daly and John Fuller facilitate a warm, encouraging discussion about love, “liking” your children, quality vs. quantity time, and how to navigate the unique challenges of raising both boys and girls, including the impact of special circumstances.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Importance of Intentional Love

• Matt and Lisa Jacobson open with their personal routines for showing affection to their children—even as adults—through hugs, messages, and invitations to connect ([00:17-00:49]).
  • Matt: “If they don't come over to me to give me a hug, I will always go find them and give them a big daddy hug and a big daddy kiss on the head.” ([00:20])
  • Lisa: “Love looks very much like time. They enjoy time with me together individually.” ([00:29])
• Jim Daly stresses the foundational goal: “How do my kids leave the household knowing they were loved—and liked?” ([01:00])

2. Quantity vs. Quality Time

• Matt highlights the critical need to prioritize marital time to set a positive example for children ([04:30-05:24]).
  • Matt: “One of the most important quality times... is to guard the time that you and your wife have every week alone... Kids have the capacity to suck up 100% of all your time...”
• Lisa describes her mental scheduling for one-on-one engagement: she kept track of who needed extra time but didn’t communicate it as a formal “schedule” to the kids ([05:38-06:32]).
• Both agree it’s vital for each child to feel truly noticed and prioritized, not just squeezed into a parent’s busy agenda.

3. When Life Disrupts Family Balance

• Both Jacobsons discuss how particular family crises, such as a child’s serious illness, can unintentionally cause another child to feel overlooked ([07:11-08:12]).
  • Matt recalls how the illness of one daughter absorbed attention away from a sibling: “For two years, we were fighting for her life… all of our time, energy, and attention was just absorbed with this traumatic circumstance.”
• Jim and Matt reflect that even with healthy children, some kids can “fly under the radar” and this recognition should lead to intentional course-correction ([08:12]).

4. Loving vs. Liking Your Children

• Jim introduces the nuanced question: “You can love your kids, but do you like your kids?” ([09:01])
• Matt explains the importance of understanding a child’s push for independence is normal, and not personally rejecting: “It feels so personal, but it’s not personal…” ([10:02])
• Lisa says: Intentionally express what you like about your child, especially in tough or awkward phases. Tell them specifically what you appreciate—beyond love ([11:19-12:19]).
  • Lisa: “Not just saying, I love you, but ‘I really like that about you, I see that in you.’ And they really need to hear it. In those 15 years especially, you know.”

5. The Power of Parental Messaging

• Matt: “The world is busy messaging to your children. And it's really, really important for a parent to recognize what a powerful role you have, what an incredible opportunity you have to speak into the life on a regular basis of your son or your daughter, who you are, why you’re wonderful, what we like about you, what kind of person you are. Messaging is so, so powerful.” ([12:32-13:44])

6. Giving Boys Space for Adventure and Affirmation

• Matt urges parents not to be overly uptight, but to let boys (and girls) explore and have small adventures—even if things get a little wild ([14:07-15:44]).
  • Lisa realized, “the more yeses I gave them, the more they were inclined to come to me and talk to me or run things by me.” ([15:44])
• Lisa acknowledges that trusting Matt’s judgment helped her let go and allow risk, even if it caused her worry ([16:52-17:21]).

7. Affirmation from Fathers to Sons

• Matt: “Every kid wants to know that he can... climb the mountain... And when you believe in the moments that a kid can’t believe for themselves or don't necessarily believe for themselves, you provide that positive context for going and doing it.” ([18:01])
• Jim shares a personal moment of his son’s first, fearful rappelling experience and the empowering moment that followed ([19:22-20:54]): “You became a man in 200ft. Well, maybe 195…”

8. Messaging and Beauty for Girls

• John and Lisa discuss the particular need for affirmation of daughters’ inner and outer beauty, especially in a world full of negative messaging from social media ([20:55-22:26]).
  • Lisa: “We want our daughters to feel lovely, but we want it to be also not skin deep... It took a ton of messaging specifically, and spending time with them and pointing out what’s lovely about them.”

9. Physical Affection and Boundaries as Daughters Mature

• Matt reflects on remaining affectionate with his daughters as they grew—while respecting evolving boundaries ([23:11-25:38]).
  • “There was definitely a time where my daughters got a little awkward about the hugs... But if you don’t grasp at it, you’ll find in later years she’ll want to hug her dad.” ([24:46-25:05])
• Jim comments poignantly on what his wife missed from her own dad: “It was just that affection... that you notice me, that you care for me.” ([25:02])

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On making time for your spouse:
  Matt Jacobson: “One of the most important quality times that you can bring to your family is to guard the time that you and your wife have every week alone.” ([04:30])
• On being intentional with all your children:
  Lisa Jacobson: “I really wanted to communicate that I have time for you and never that you’re squeezed into my schedule, even if that’s what it looks like on the ground.” ([06:10])
• On “liking” your kids:
  Jim Daly: “You can love your kids, but do you like your kids? What a great target to aim at.” ([01:00])
• On affirmation:
  Lisa Jacobson: “Not just saying, I love you, but I really like that about you, I see that in you. And they really need to hear it.” ([11:55])
• On the need for ongoing positive messaging:
  Matt Jacobson: “The world is busy messaging to your children. And it’s really, really important for a parent to recognize what a powerful role you have...” ([13:00])
• On letting boys push limits safely:
  Lisa Jacobson: “Our boys needed room and space to grow and make mistakes and fall and get hurt. And I just had to come to terms with that and even embrace it.” ([15:44])
• On fatherly affirmation:
  Matt Jacobson: “When you believe in the moments that a kid can’t believe for themselves or don’t necessarily believe for themselves, you provide that positive context for going and doing it.” ([18:01])
• On physical affection for daughters:
  Matt Jacobson: “If you don't grasp at it, you’ll find in later years she’ll want to hug her dad.” ([25:05])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Personal routines for showing love – [00:17-00:49]
• Quantity vs. quality time in parenting – [04:14-06:32]
• Handling family crisis and overlooked children – [07:11-08:46]
• The importance of liking your child – [09:01-11:19]
• Affirming sons through adventure – [14:07-18:44]
• Affirming daughters’ beauty, dealing with social pressures – [20:55-22:26]
• Physical affection and boundaries as daughters mature – [23:11-25:38]

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Final Thoughts

The episode is rich with real-life stories, candid admissions, and encouragement to parents that loving your children is more than just a feeling—it’s an ongoing, intentional set of behaviors, words, and rituals that communicate not only love but liking. The Jacobsons' advice is practical, compassionate, and directly applicable, helping parents consider new ways to connect, affirm, and let their children grow into their unique selves.

Hosts remind listeners: The simple things—hugs, words of affirmation, shared adventures, and non-judgmental presence—remain foundational to helping children feel secure and cherished.

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To learn more or to get the Jacobsons’ books, see the Focus on the Family website or the show notes linked in the episode.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

Did you know that you and your.

[John Fuller]

Family can get exclusive behind the scenes content about everything?

[Jim Daly]

Adventures in Odyssey.

[John Fuller]

It's called Odyssey studio insiders. Visit odysseystudioinsiders.com today to get signed up.

[Matt Jacobson]

I show love to my girls, really every morning.

[Jim Daly]

If they don't come over to me to give me a hug, I will always go find them and give them a big daddy hug and a big.

[Matt Jacobson]

Daddy kiss on the head.

[Lisa Jacobson]

I have both a boy and two girls and love looks very much like time. They enjoy time with me together individually.

[Matt Jacobson]

My daughters are grown now and so connecting is a little bit harder, but.

[Jim Daly]

I try to pursue them, to invite.

[Matt Jacobson]

Them over for dinner or to call.

[Jim Daly]

Or just send a text.

[Matt Jacobson]

I'm thinking of you.

[John Fuller]

I wonder if you resonate with those comments. Every parent wants to love well, but sometimes we need to just be more intentional about showing love to our children. Welcome to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller and we're so glad.

[Matt Jacobson]

You'Ve joined us today, John.

[Jim Daly]

I've always enjoyed being dad for my sons. It's just been the highlight of my life. You know, you can meet presidents and senators. The biggest joy I ever had was being at home with my boys and playing wrestling on the carpet or whatever it would have been. And I just felt delighted at that time. And I hope that your goal as a parent, expressing the ways that you love your kids. There's going to be a question in this show. You can love your kids, but do you like your kids? What a great target to aim at. But life gets busy. You know, it's hard to concentrate on all the balls that you're tossing, all the plates that are spinning. Moms and dads. So today we're going to help build into your vocabulary and your actions, things you can do as a mom or dad of a daughter or a son. And to concentrate, to have a plan, to say, okay, how do my kids leave the household knowing that they were loved and liked?

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

And Matt and Lisa Jacobson are our guests today. They're authors, speakers, podcast hosts, and they've written a number of books about marriage and parenting. The basis for our conversation today is a pair of books they've written 100 Ways to Love youe Daughter and also 100 Ways to Love youe Son. The subtitle for each is the Simple, Powerful Path to a Close and Lasting Relationship. These are great books and you can learn more about them at our website. And the link is in the show.

[Jim Daly]

Not Matt and Lisa. Welcome back to Focus on the Family. It's good to have you.

[Matt Jacobson]

Great to be with you again.

[Lisa Jacobson]

Thank you.

[Jim Daly]

So nice to see you guys. And you know, this is something we've covered before, but this content is so rich and so important that parents need to have those updated conversations and tools. But you know, some people, when I'm thinking about raising a daughter, I haven't had that experience. John, you've had that experience, but you guys have four daughters and four sons. So you guys are the experienced parents here at the table. And the ages are 30 to 19, if I have that right. So you still have quite a range of children, adult children that you're dealing with, with all that wonderful experience. Was it your intention, I'll be one of your best friends here at your small group. Was it your intention to have that many kids or did you just let God do his thing?

[Matt Jacobson]

You know what? Initially it wasn't initially. We just had the idea that maybe three and if we're crazy, we'll have four, you know, but it was just a process that we went through that we what, we're just gonna ride this out and see what God gives us. And so that's what, that's really what we did.

[Jim Daly]

That's crazy. And then, and I think wonderful, actually, but like a 10 passenger vehicle. What was that vehicle?

[Matt Jacobson]

Well, I promise you we didn't have the same vehicle from, you know, five year intervals. We had to switch it up as a.

[Jim Daly]

Did you ever have to caravan like, Mom's taking the wagon, Dad's taking the mini boat?

[Matt Jacobson]

Well, we definitely did that, but we wound up with the 15 passenger.

[Jim Daly]

I knew that was coming somewhere.

[Matt Jacobson]

And I've got a friend who has a lot of kids, actually he's a few years younger than me, but he said, I just can't do that. It's just not cool. But he drove one, he got one. Eventually you could put flames on the side.

[Jim Daly]

I think that really helps the cool stuff.

[Matt Jacobson]

Oh yeah, I never even thought about it.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask you this one. You stress the importance of both quantity and quality time. You know, so many people have said, Dr. Dobson used to say, it's not quality time, it's time. Your kids just need time. So give us that differential between quality time and just time.

[Matt Jacobson]

Well, one of the things I would say about that is one of the most important quality times that you can bring to your family is to guard the time that you and your wife have every week alone. And we made that a priority from the very beginning. And again, kids have the capacity to suck up 100% of all of your time, energy and ability and sanity. And so what we said is, we're going to carve out time every week that is just us. And sometimes that was with a door closed in the bedroom and nobody's allowed to come in and we're having coffee. Sometimes it's going out for a cup of coffee and just absolutely prioritizing and protecting that time. So. And that's probably not the exact question that you asked, but it's so important for the kids to see. Dad and mom are loving each other. Dad and mom are prioritizing each other. Dad and mom are enjoying.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's really important. Lisa, maybe I can look at you for the quality and quantity time for children. I mean, how do you. Did you have to create a schedule with eight kids to say, okay, today is Bob's time, tomorrow is Betty's time?

[Lisa Jacobson]

Yes, actually, I did, but I didn't communicate that. I didn't want them to feel like they're. In fact, my kids are probably listening right now, but they still don't.

[Matt Jacobson]

How did you know the names of our kids?

[Lisa Jacobson]

1 guess I still have a mental list of, okay, we haven't seen Cambria lately. Let's. Let's have you touch bases with her or any of our kids. We really want to make sure they're always on the rotation. And we talk with each other about, hey, can you. Maybe you should grab Dauntless and take him out to lunch. And, hey, I. You know, we just make sure that everybody has time with us, and it can be different kinds of time. Sometimes it's just going out, sometimes it's doing a job together, working on a project together. Lots of different things that we try to do. So. Yeah, but I think as a mom, I really, really wanted to communicate that I have time for you and never that you're squeezed into my schedule, even if it's what it looks like on the ground that they feel like, I am here for you.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. In that space. Let me ask you this question, because I'm thinking back to all eight kids at home. And, you know, obviously some are very young. Some are teens and late teens in high school. So in that moment of trying to maintain a mental routine, a mental calendar of spending time with each child, did anyone get overlooked? You know, I think if you're looking with emotion and you're saying, you know, so and so needs a little time, I think they bombed a test or, you know, whatever. Was there any child that flew under the radar for you guys that you looked back and went hmm. That would have been good to spend a little more time with that son.

[Matt Jacobson]

There actually was one of our kids. But it didn't have to do with necessarily just overlooking kidnapping in the course of normal life. It had to do with our daughter, who was. She had a hemorrhage in utero and was born, and that just. She's 25 years old today. But that proceeded to turn our lives upside down. And for two years, we were fighting for her life. And it was just every hospital visit, every doctor visit, and it was so intense that it really impacted the child that was closest to her in terms of the time that we had. And we recognized that a little later on. But it absolutely was something that we had to recognize and try to remedy because that was a reality. And it was simply because all of our time, energy, and attention was just absorbed with this traumatic circumstance we had that lasted for about. Well, it's lasting today because she's still in a wheelchair and disabled, but for two years, it just completely absorbed.

[Jim Daly]

And those are the kinds of things that can happen, I think, for Trent and Troy. Trent, you know, he was a bit of a handful in high school, so he got a lot of our attention, and Troy kind of flew under that radar. And we laugh about it today because Troy got away with a lot more than Trent did, because, you know, Trent was in neon for us as the firstborn. So it even happens when you have, you know, physically healthy children. That had to be dramatic to have a child with special needs. I mean, that does pull a lot of energy from the parents and from the siblings to be able to take care of that.

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah, it does. And obviously, everybody's life is filled with all sorts of things that you'd never choose for yourself, and that certainly was one of them for us, had a big impact. But that was God's journey and his plan and path for us, and he uses it for his purposes. So we embrace it.

[Jim Daly]

You know, we asked that in the setup, this idea of liking your children. And I really like that you mentioned it in the two books you did. You're the parent. You're going to love your children. I would hope that you would lay your life down for your children. That's what we often think about. But I would do anything for my child. Okay, that's in that love cup. Then you have, do I like my child? And, you know, sometimes, if we're honest, they probably might be in a developmental stage where there's not a lot to like. They're trying to separate from you. Let's just say it's 15, you know, they don't want to wear what you suggest they might wear to be a little more modest or whatever the argument might be. They're just in a lot of confrontation now. Not every child's going to be. Be in that spot. I know, but typically you're gonna have that. So how do you take that self evaluation in your dad head or your mom head and go, yeah, I love my child. How can I get to a better place in terms of liking them?

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah. Well, I think one of the things that happens when kids get into those years of, you know, we're moving into our independence and nobody thinks about it concretely, but that's what happens. But it winds up being something that's really personal and hurtful to a par is when their children pull away a little bit. One of the things that we tried to do is we just tried to anticipate that is what's going to happen. And of course, we have eight kids, so we had some practice with the older ones a little bit. I think we got better at it with the younger set. But embracing the reality of this is a part of growing up. It is a part of the development of a young man or a young woman. They are going to go through a process of I want to become, or I am finding out who I am. I want to become my own person. And it's, it, it feels so personal, but it's not personal. When you stand back and look at the fact that this is a normal part of the process. And if you can get your, your game face on as a parent before you get there, it's actually really helpful when. And then you start recognizing what it is. One of the things that we did is, is just we would tell our kids, hey, you're gonna go into this independent phase. It's gonna come and we embrace it. We're excited about your independence.

[Lisa Jacobson]

I was just thinking about the part of liking them and just communicating that. And some of the ways we can do that is when, let's say a child is going through an awkward stage, let's say a teenager, but actually going up to our son, I can remember one time in particular, he was washing the eggs and he was not really happy with himself. It was obvious he's has a very strong personality that kind of grates on people. And sometimes. And I just told him, you know, I just see how faithful you are and with the little things, and I really like that about you. And he just, like, you could just see his shoulders got A little broader, and he just felt a little better about himself. And it was very powerful moment. And for as a parent, I thought, okay, that I didn't know how powerful that would be, but I really wanted to intentionally practice that kind of communication with all of my kids. And not just saying, I love you, but I really like that about you. I see that in you. And they really need to hear it. In those 15 years especially, you know.

[Jim Daly]

It'S interesting you could apply that to marriage. You know, do you love your spouse? But do you like your spouse? And then how do you recognize those things that your spouse does that you can say, hey, I really appreciate that. I like what you did there.

[Matt Jacobson]

I think we look at all the billions of dollars that are spent in advertising for whatever company and we go, wow, what a waste of money. And they're going, yeah, we're not wasting our money. We're messaging. And we want you to have our thoughts in your head. And as parents, it's so important for parents to recognize the power of messaging. With your children, young and teenagers and a little bit older, the things that you speak to them regularly in terms of helping them to think about who I am, defining who you are as a person. Because the world, they're busy. The world is busy messaging to your children. And it's really, really important for a parent to recognize what a powerful role you have, what an incredible opportunity you have to speak into the life on a regular basis of your son or your daughter, who you are, why you're wonderful, what we like about you, what kind of person you are. Messaging is so, so powerful. And the advertisers go, yeah, we're not doing it just one time. We're going to do it repeatedly because we want to win this game. Same thing with parenting. Just embrace the power of messaging in the lives of your children.

[Jim Daly]

That's so good.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. Talking today about being intentional in loving your children. Well, our guests on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly are Matt and Lisa Jacobson. They've written a pair of books called 100 Ways to Love youe Daughter and also 100 Ways to Love youe Son. A lot of practical stuff here. And you can get a copy of it from us at the ministry. Click the link in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Let's talk about sons for a minute. That's in my space of experience. But why do you encourage parents to let their boys build forts inside the house, which I love? We did that.

[Lisa Jacobson]

We did do that.

[Matt Jacobson]

Well, it's just easy to be uptight as a parent. And I have many. Looking back on my parenting, there were definitely elements of a. You're too uptight about that, especially with the first set of four as opposed to the second set. But even with the first set, we had a balcony. We had this log railing that went from, you know, the upper floor down to the living room. And we let the kids, you know, rappel off of that big rope swing.

[Lisa Jacobson]

That they jimmied up there.

[Jim Daly]

A bunch of moms just went, what?

[Lisa Jacobson]

So I'm not sorry. I'm still. I'm not sorry that we did that.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's good. It gave a sense of adventure. I think that's a good idea. Lisa. Parenting boys can be challenging. I think, for a lot of moms. I think, you know, Jean, if she were sitting here, she'd say, yeah, she was the only girl in the house. She felt a little overwhelmed, especially when the boys were teens and began to do things that were a little more reckless. And I can remember they were just learning to ride bicycles. And everybody's gonna get mad at me for this. But, you know, I think one time I forgot to have them wear helmets. And she came out. What are you thinking? Get a helmet. Now they're going all of one mile an. But it's true, a little safety goes a long way, but it's that kind of thing that, you know, a lot of dads may not think about that, but moms are pretty consistent thinking about safety. Boys think and act very differently. How did those differences play out for your family as mom?

[Lisa Jacobson]

Yeah, I think our boys needed room and space to grow and make mistakes and fall and get hurt. And I just had to come to terms with that and accept it and even embrace it. And I think the payback was incredible because the boys loved me all the more for it. Like, I think the more I said, you know, go ahead, go do it. Yeah, that should be fine. The more yeses I gave them, the more they were inclined to come to me and talk to me or run things by me.

[Jim Daly]

But the big question then is you didn't feel that obviously, in your mental equation that if I give this over, that they will actually appreciate my motherhood?

[Lisa Jacobson]

It was an experiment, and so, you.

[Jim Daly]

Know, that's where I wanted to go. For the moms that are still struggling in that area, that's a big speed bump. So did you have to coach yourself? Did you have self talk going like, no, no, no, don't say that. What I want. Go ahead, kids, go jump off the rock tools. But, you know, how did you get Yourself to that regular rhythm of saying okay, saying yes rather than no.

[Lisa Jacobson]

Well, Matt and I talked a lot about these kinds of things, especially with the boys. And I'd say, you know, what do you think of this? I'm concerned about that they want to stay overnight outside in the snowstorm. And I was worried sick that they were going to die of the cold. Member that?

[Jim Daly]

That seems rational to me.

[Lisa Jacobson]

Nah, they'll be fine. He goes, I'll go check on it. It'll make you feel better. But they're gonna be fine. And I had to trust Matt in that, too, that he cares about his boys. He's not gonna let anything crazy happen. And I think that was really helpful to.

[Matt Jacobson]

Although that particular snowstorm, I think the girls were out there, too.

[Lisa Jacobson]

Oh, that's true.

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. We could see he's counting heads, so that proves that you were paying attention. I may not have passed that test. We only have two kids. Where's the other one? I don't know. Yeah, that's. I mean, Matt, let's turn it to you. Dad's affirming their sons, so Mom's letting them explore, which is really critical. I think in that context, it conveys a sense of trust when you do that to your sons. Lisa. I think Gene learned that as well. Matt, what does a father provide when they're affirming their sons?

[Matt Jacobson]

Well, every kid wants to know that he can. He wants to learn that he can climb the mountain. He can do things that maybe looked impossible. And when you believe in the moments that a kid can't believe for themselves or don't necessarily believe for themselves, you provide that positive context for going and doing it. I remember when Revere was on the rock down at the lake, and he just didn't want to jump off, and so I went and shoved him. No, I'm kidding. But yes.

[Jim Daly]

Good.

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah, the kidding part.

[Jim Daly]

Fast.

[Lisa Jacobson]

Another parenting technique.

[Matt Jacobson]

But I was in the water, and I just said, you can do this. I know you can do it. And he's just like, can I? Should I?

[Jim Daly]

Can I?

[Matt Jacobson]

Should I? But he jumped off. So a parent is there to show a kid that they absolutely can conquer, they can triumph. And so I think sometimes as dads, we don't realize, first of all, the many opportunities that we have to speak strength and power into the hearts of our sons. But I also think that we don't recognize the power of our own voice in that affirming, in that, you know, we're so safety oriented. Sometimes we're like, oh, be careful. And we can be too cautious. I think that's true.

[Jim Daly]

I think so. I remember we had something here and still do it from time to time. Adventures in Fatherhood. But it's a repelling exercise near Yosemite in California. And Troy and I. I took Troy and we're going off the prowl now. Never go off the prowl. Something called the prowl. But it was a 200 foot rappel.

[John Fuller]

Oh, wow.

[Jim Daly]

You know, and this is the first time Troy had been at that height and he was probably 10.

[Matt Jacobson]

Oh, look at that.

[Jim Daly]

So we're going over. We're going over this thing. And you're supposed to keep your feet out so you don't smash the rock. Of course he let his feet drop and he went right into the rock. Not hard. But then he started to cry like, dad, I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do. And I'm holding myself in this repel position going, troy, I don't have much more time. I mean, I'm not a small guy and I've got to go. So you got to get down. And he's crying and I had to let go. And he comes down just a minute later after sitting there spinning in the wind, crying, and he went down and he hits the ground and he goes, that was so fun. Let's do it again. And I say to him, I say, you became a man in 200ft. Well, maybe 195, but, you know, bang. He hit the ground. And then he had fun. He did more rappelling and he didn't look back. But that's an example of what you're driving at, you know, and that's a. That is an affirmation that you're a young man. I mean, you can do these things. I don't have that experience of the girl. So, John, I'm going to throw the question to you. You can ask it.

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

We had two boys to begin with, and that was so easy. You just have to give them room to break things. And as you said, have some space. Girls required something else, you know, Matt, you were talking the messaging. There's so much wrapped up in outward appearance for girls. And I mean, I think that's been the case forever. But with all the messaging from advertising and social media, how did you two handle giving your girls a sense of emotional and inner and then exterior beauty and loveliness? The good stuff.

[Lisa Jacobson]

That is such a good and huge question. I kind of hope that because we raised our daughters in a loving homeschooling family that they would just Never struggle with that. I really did. I thought, I don't want them to struggle the way I struggled, but it turns out it's really hard.

[John Fuller]

You couldn't prevent that?

[Lisa Jacobson]

No, I couldn't prevent that. And especially with social media, I really saw the damage that. The harm from Instagram and some of those other sites that inform our girls what they're supposed to look like. And. And so I felt like we had to do just double time to try to encourage them. You're beautiful just the way you are. I love these things about you. And we want our daughters to feel lovely, but we want it to be also not skin deep. Like, we don't want it to be all of that. We want them to feel good about who they are as people. And that took a ton of messaging specifically, and spending time with them and pointing out what's lovely about them.

[Jim Daly]

Matt, let me ask you this last question, and we're going to come back next time if you'll stick with us and we'll back come cover more. But I can remember Jean. She can actually remember a time period where her dad stopped hugging her and her two sisters. And she probably rightfully deduced that her mom and dad had a talk. And maybe mom said, you know what, the Girls are now 11, 12. Probably be good for you to stop hugging them. Which, again, is a generational thing, too. And it can come out of fear, Mom's fear. Maybe something happened to her. As a daughter, we get all that. But speak to that need to keep hugging your daughter for her lifetime.

[Matt Jacobson]

Well, I would say yes, with a very important caveat. So in the process of my daughters getting to that young womanhood age, I can remember one time, one. One of my daughters, and I don't remember how old she was, but she was a teenager. And I mean, I like jabbing my kids in the ribs, you know, I just do. And she was doing the dishes, and I went up behind her and went in her ribs.

[Jim Daly]

Okay, fine, China.

[Matt Jacobson]

I'm coming to the hugging part. But the thing is, is that it really made her mad. And she said, dad, I am a young woman, and I was, you know, in terms. Yeah, I had to make that transition in my mind. So relative to hugging. Yes, hugging is super important. Physical touch is super important. However, in those intervening years where the independence is blossoming and blooming, they might have a season where they don't want hugs and every child is different. I'm happy to say that all of our kids hug us now, you know, but I definitely had a time where My daughters were, like, got a little awkward about the hugs. And so, I don't know, it was a few years, but that's all past now. And of course we hug. In fact, we hug so much that when spouses marry into our family that are not used to hugging, which we have a couple, that's kind of funny. But it's good. It's good. It's positive.

[John Fuller]

They're.

[Jim Daly]

But I appreciate that. I think, you know, we always try to say appropriate hugging, and it's unfortunate that we have to say that now, but it is true. You know, you want to be respectful, but it's important. I would say for Gene, it was just that affection that you notice me, that you care for me.

[Matt Jacobson]

Absolutely.

[Jim Daly]

That's what you want to communicate. Whether that's.

[Matt Jacobson]

But the way I like to say it is it's really important to communicate love and respect in a manner that's meaningful to the other person relative to the stage that they're in. And so, you know, so if a parent is pulling back, I'm not hugging you anywhere. That's a problem. But if a child is saying, I'm now a young woman and, you know, I. She's not embracing those kid hugs anymore in the same way. But if you don't grasp at it, you'll find in later years she'll want to hug her dad.

[Jim Daly]

There you go. Matt and Lisa. What a great reminder that the simple things are so important. Even though as parents, we sometimes are moving so fast we forget the simple things. Like I said, let's come back next time. Thanks for being with us today, and we'll pick up the conversation and keep going. Can we do that?

[Matt Jacobson]

Always great to be with you. Absolutely.

[Jim Daly]

Well, listen, we've got our typical offer. Why don't you join us in ministry? Make a gift of any amount. You can choose either of the books, 100 Ways to Love youe Son or A Hundred Ways to Love youe Daughter, or choose them both for a gift of any amount. I'm assuming you might have both a daughter and a son. And if you can make that gift, we'll send the books as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. And in fact, let's give you some evidence for what that impact can look like. Lauren recently sent us a note describing how she was not parented. Well, growing up, I'm sorry to say, we get many of these notes, but she said focus on the family has helped fill that void and so much more. I found so many books, resources, and messages that have grown my faith in the process. That's what we're doing. We're helping her to become a better wife, I believe, and a better mom, obviously. But that's what you invest in as we do ministry together.

[Matt Jacobson]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

We'd love to hear from you today. Donate and ask for either or both of those books, 100 Ways to Love youe Son and 100 Ways to Love youe Daughter. You can do so by calling 800-the- Letter A and the word Family, 800-232-6459 or check the Show Notes for details. Also at our website, we've got a link to our free parenting assessment which identifies seven key traits to have a stronger, healthier family. And it'll give you a lot of great action items. And it's totally free. It's our parenting assessment and the link is in the notes. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we continue the conversation with Matt and Lisa Jacobson and once again help you and your family thrive in.

[Jim Daly]

Your church comes to you each week.

[Matt Jacobson]

To fill their cup. But when the crowd leaves, who's filling yours? That's exactly what I'm here to do with my new podcast from Focus on the Family. It's called Pastor to Pastor with Dave Stone. I'm so excited to help you navigate the unique challenges that pastors face in their ministry journey, both personally and professionally. So I invite you to listen and subscribe to Pastor to Pastor wherever you get your podcasts.