Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode: Teach Your Child How to Have Meaningful Conversations

Date: September 22, 2025
Guests: Dr. Heather Holleman (Associate Teaching Professor at Penn State, Author), Ashley Holleman (Executive Director, Seated and Sent)
Hosts: Jim Daly and John Fuller

Overview

In this engaging episode, Jim Daly and John Fuller are joined by Dr. Heather Holleman and her husband Ashley Holleman to discuss practical ways parents can teach their children to have meaningful, healthy conversations. Drawing from Heather’s book, "The Six Conversations: Pathways to Connecting in an Age of Isolation and Incivility," the discussion addresses the current challenges of loneliness, incivility, digital distraction, and the importance of modeling Christlike communication in today’s families. The Holllemans provide biblically grounded, research-based strategies to foster genuine connection and curiosity in kids—building skills they'll use on college campuses and beyond.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Epidemic of Loneliness and the Opportunity for Connection

• Research shows: Stopping to have a loving conversation greatly improves both mental and physical health. (Heather Holleman, 00:32, 15:40)
• Loneliness can increase risk of early death by 32%—even within families. (Heather Holleman, 00:32, 15:40)

2. Good News: Young People are Searching for Meaning

• Students today are more aware of their loneliness and are intentionally seeking meaning, spiritual direction, and community. Many are returning to church and asking deep questions about faith. (Heather Holleman, 04:27)

  “They know that they're lonely. They know that they're experiencing a sense of meaninglessness. They'll say sometimes they feel empty inside, which means they're really searching.” (Heather Holleman, 04:27)

3. Parent Modeling: Kindness, Curiosity, and Positive Regard

• Parents are encouraged to model warm, deliberate conversation—emphasizing curiosity, believing the best (positive regard), and seeking the story behind each person rather than engaging in argument or outrage. (Ashley Holleman & Heather Holleman, 05:44, 09:32)
• Scriptural basis: “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.” (Jim Daly referencing 2 Timothy, 07:49)

4. Practical Conversation Skills for Families: The “Four Ls”

• Listen Well: Go on a “treasure hunt” to discover the wisdom or story in another person. (Heather Holleman, 12:54)

• Limit Distraction: Model putting away devices during conversations; be present. (Heather Holleman, 13:07)

• Lead to Marveling: Teach children to be fascinated by others as “an infinite marvel.” (Heather Holleman, 13:18)

• Learn to Ask Spark Questions: Don’t default to “How was your day?” Instead, use strong verbs for richer answers (Heather Holleman, 15:40, 16:06)

  “We’ve been teaching our girls, when you're listening to someone, you're trying to discover like a treasure or riches of wisdom... every person you meet is an infinite marvel.” (Heather Holleman, 13:07)

5. Conversation Training at Home

• Roleplay at the dinner table: Coach kids to ask questions about others, avoiding self-focused conversation (Heather Holleman, 11:18)
• Teach and model the habit of asking genuine, interested questions: About friends, pets, or daily challenges—anything that sparks joy and authenticity. (Heather Holleman, 11:41, 12:42)

  “The best thing you can do with young people, honestly, is to go back to basics, like: how are you gonna ask good questions?” (Heather Holleman, 11:41)

6. Use “Spark Questions” to Elicit Engagement

• Examples:
  • What are you celebrating?
  • What’s something new you discovered?
  • On a scale of 1–10, how was ___? (Ashley Holleman, 14:21)
• Follow-up: “What would have had to be different to move you closer to a 10?” (Ashley Holleman, 15:02)

7. The Power of Strong Verbs in Questions

• Avoid “How was your day?”—it’s too vague and cognitively heavy.

• Instead, try:

  • What surprised you today?
  • What challenged (or delighted) you today? (Heather Holleman, 16:06–16:49)

• Strong verbs stimulate vivid thinking and richer, more inviting conversation. (Heather Holleman, 16:51)

  “As a writing teacher, I really believe in the power of the strong verb. It evokes a mood and an image.” (Heather Holleman, 16:51) “When you say ‘surprised,’ you get immediately in your mind, ‘Oh, I know what surprised me today.’” (Ashley Holleman, 17:20)

8. Empowering Kids: Problem Solving & Emotional Growth

• Instead of solving problems for them, ask:
  • “That sounds really hard. How did you handle that?”
  • “How will you handle it?”
• This empowers kids to process and take ownership of their feelings and decisions. (Heather Holleman, 19:03)

9. Embracing Technology as a Connection Tool

• Phones need not be the enemy. Use them as conversation starters:
  • What games are trending?
  • What’s your most shared video or recent favorite photo?
• Use shared digital experiences to relate, rather than simply restrict. (Heather Holleman, 19:50, 20:17)

10. Creating Connection Opportunities: Routine Moments

• Take advantage of times you’re already together: dinner, car rides, walks. Be intentional in these moments for meaningful conversation, instead of feeling pressure to create extra “special” times. (Ashley Holleman, 21:08–21:10)

11. “Dopamine Detox” – Breaking the Device Cycle

• Discusses the neurological impact of device addiction and suggests practicing regular "dopamine detoxes" (putting devices aside in favor of nature walks or screen-free periods).
• Even 10 minutes in nature lowers stress and inflammation. (Heather Holleman, 21:48–22:11)

12. The Power of Christian Presence and Witness

• Reference to Paul on Mars Hill: Use common experiences (like the Harvard “Flourishing Project”) to point students to the Gospel and deeper spiritual truth. (Jim Daly & Ashley Holleman, 22:38–23:21)

  “They see the content being really fun and true and something that's really wanted and really helps.” (Ashley Holleman, 23:36)

13. Real-Life Impact: Witnessing through Relationship

• Ashley shares a moving story of befriending an 85-year-old neighbor, listening well over years, and eventually leading him to faith late in life. (Ashley Holleman, 24:21–24:59)

  “He was so hungry for Jesus. He had this ache that he did not know where it came from. He just needed someone to connect the dots for him.” (Ashley Holleman, 24:59)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Outrage Culture:

  “Outrage and being offended is not persuasive anymore … Just go into any setting and try to find the wisdom there from people, learn from them.” (Heather Holleman, 06:34)

• On Family Modeling:

  “If they're only getting modeling from what they're watching on TV and not from what they're seeing in the home, should we expect a different outcome?” (Ashley Holleman, 08:31)

• On Asking Stronger Questions:

  “If you forget everything we said, try the strong verb: what surprised you today? What delighted you? Or what challenged you?” (Heather Holleman, 16:51)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Loneliness and Health Impact: 00:32, 15:40
• Students Seeking Meaning: 04:27
• Incivility and Winning Hearts: 05:44–07:49
• Positive Regard Defined: 09:32
• Teaching Curiosity and Question Asking: 10:21–12:42
• The Four Ls of Communication: 12:54–13:28
• Spark Questions and Strong Verbs: 14:21–16:51
• Empowering Problem Solving in Kids: 19:03
• Phones and Technology in the Home: 19:50–20:20
• Dopamine Detox and Nature: 21:31–22:11
• Faith Conversations with Peers and Neighbors: 22:38, 24:21

Final Thoughts

This episode provides a wealth of actionable insights for parents—and anyone—aiming to foster richer, more meaningful conversations within their families and communities. The Holllemans blend practical research, biblical wisdom, and real-life stories to show that creating warm, healthy dialogue starts with modeling curiosity, kindness, and a love of learning from others.

By building these habits early, families can cultivate resilience, deeper relationships, and an openness to both spiritual and emotional growth—equipping the next generation to thrive in an age of isolation and incivility.