Training Kids to Listen to the Right Voices

Summary

Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode: Training Kids to Listen to the Right Voices
Release Date: March 21, 2025
Host/Author: Focus on the Family
Guest: Rich Griffith, Part-Time Pastor and Associate Professor of Youth Ministry

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Introduction

In the March 21, 2025 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller engage in a profound discussion with Rich Griffith, a part-time pastor and associate professor of youth ministry. The episode, titled "Training Kids to Listen to the Right Voices," delves into the challenges Christian parents face today in guiding their children amidst a barrage of diverse and often conflicting influences.

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Guest Background

Rich Griffith opens up about his personal journey, highlighting his military background and his transition into ministry and academia. As a single father of three—Aaron (25), Dylan (22), and Jamie (16)—Rich shares his heartfelt decision to adopt his youngest son from the foster care system, emphasizing the profound impact of Focus on the Family's ministry on his life.

[00:38] Jim Daly: "Rich, welcome to Focus on the Family. Good to have you."
[05:44] Rich Griffith: "Don't enter it lightly... I put godly voices in the lives of my other kids. They all had mentors. They all had other people they can call to because it kept me honest."

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Key Topics Discussed

1. The Importance of Discernment in Children's Lives

Rich Griffith underscores the necessity for children to discern between positive and negative voices. He references James 1:27 to highlight the theological foundation for discerning true influences.

[08:16] Rich Griffith: "I think what I've started realizing is... The church has done a poor job... We need to empower parents."

2. The Overabundance of Influences in the Modern Age

The hosts and Rich discuss how today's children are bombarded with an overwhelming number of voices through social media, television, and other platforms. This saturation makes it challenging for parents to be the primary faith influencers.

[12:00] Rich Griffith: "If you're not spending time with your children, if you're not being transparent, why would they trust you?"

3. Building Trust Through Time, Transparency, and Trust

Rich introduces three essential filters for parents: Time, Transparency, and Trust. He explains that investing time, being transparent, and building trust are foundational for children to listen to and respect their parents' guidance.

[11:18] Rich Griffith: "Think of Erik Erickson's psychosocial development... time, transparency, and trust."

4. The Role of Mentors and Community in Parenting

Emphasizing the importance of mentors, Rich shares personal anecdotes about his son's relationship with Ms. Harriet, a spiritual grandmother figure who provides additional guidance and support.

[16:45] Rich Griffith: "My youngest son has a spiritual mentor, Ms. Harriet... She was the belle of the ball."

5. Scriptural Foundations for Parenting

The conversation delves into how scripture guides parenting practices. Rich recounts a pivotal moment with his son Dylan, using Psalm 18 to illustrate God's unwavering support, fostering a deep sense of trust and identity in Christ.

[19:35] Rich Griffith: "He said, dad, what it tells me is God will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what."

6. Identity Formation in Christ

Rich discusses the extended period of identity formation in today's youth, linking it to biblical principles. He emphasizes that a child's identity should be rooted in Christ, contrasting it with the fleeting identities offered by worldly influences.

[24:16] Rich Griffith: "Our identity is in Christ... Do you want to be created in the image of the world or recreated in the image of the world?"

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Personal Stories and Practical Applications

Rich shares heartfelt stories from his own parenting journey, such as the incident where his son Dylan returned home injured from an accident. Instead of focusing on consequences, Rich prioritized his son's well-being, reinforcing trust and unconditional love.

[23:40] Rich Griffith: "The moment I knew that you love me was when you were more concerned about me rather than the dumb decision that I did."

These anecdotes serve to illustrate the practical application of building trust and maintaining open, honest communication with children.

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Challenges from Social Media and Multiple Voices

The episode highlights the detrimental impact of social media, which Rich describes as a "product" pushing agendas rather than fostering genuine connections. This environment makes it difficult for children to discern truth from fiction, hence the increased need for strong parental guidance.

[13:11] Rich Griffith: "Social media gives our kids time? No, it's a product, it's consumerism... it actually in some ways can destroy your time."

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Building Healthy Interdependence

Rich advocates for teaching children healthy interdependence, where actions impact others, rather than fostering codependency or extreme independence. This approach aligns with the biblical concept of community and mutual growth in Christ.

[15:28] Rich Griffith: "Interdependence... the beauty of the church as family is we understand that our relationships are vital to each other."

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Scriptural Insights and Biblical Examples

Rich refers to the story of Elijah to illustrate how God communicates beyond dramatic signs, emphasizing the importance of recognizing God's presence in the "whisper" of everyday life.

[20:16] Rich Griffith: "God does fire and he does the earthquake and he does a great wind... He's in the whisper."

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Conclusion and Resources

The episode concludes with Jim Daly and John Fuller highlighting Rich Griffith's book, Helping Our Children and Youth Listen to Wise Counsel. They encourage listeners to obtain copies through donations to Focus on the Family, emphasizing the ministry's role in providing trustworthy resources for Christian families.

[28:13] Rich Griffith: "What's eternal? That's exactly right. Where is your eternal?"

Listeners are invited to support the ministry and receive practical tools to navigate the complexities of modern parenting, ensuring their children develop strong, Christ-centered identities.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jim Daly [01:23]: "Parents, we need all the help we can get."
• Rich Griffith [05:44]: "I put godly voices in the lives of my other kids."
• Rich Griffith [10:06]: "Parents have a tremendous amount of influence in their teenager's life."
• Rich Griffith [19:35]: "God will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what."
• Rich Griffith [24:16]: "Our identity is in Christ... Do you want to be created in the image of the world or recreated in the image of the world?"

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly offers invaluable insights into modern Christian parenting. Rich Griffith's personal experiences and scholarly perspectives provide a roadmap for parents striving to cultivate trust, discernment, and a strong Christ-centered identity in their children. By emphasizing the importance of time, transparency, and trust, and by leveraging mentors and community support, parents can effectively guide their children through the myriad of voices they encounter daily.

Listeners are encouraged to engage with the resources offered by Focus on the Family, including Rich Griffith's book, to further equip themselves in this vital aspect of family life.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

Troy is a pro life advocate because he saw firsthand the trauma and guilt his wife experienced for many years due to a past abortion. And that's why they became monthly supporters of the ministry. We're always encouraged by what Focus on the Family has been doing and the impact that that has on life in general. I feel that it's more than a worthy cause and that if you can spend a little bit of money and have such a great on life, it's really just a no brainer. I'm Jim Dailey. By working together, we can be a lifeline for preborn babies and their moms and we can help bring godly truth and healing to families like Troy's. Become a friend of Focus on the family by calling 800-THE-TER A and the word family. Or you can [e-mail] families.

[Rich Griffith]

We see the rest of the story. God does fire and he does the earthquake and he does a great wind. And it says God's not in any of those things. He's in the whisper. And I think this is part of adopting kids and kids learn trust. We gotta mind ourselves to allow God to be heard through a whisper, not our noise.

[John Fuller]

That's Rich Griffith and he's with us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to show you how to help your children to really listen well to the positive voices and reject the negative voices around them.

[Jim Daly]

John, I'm really looking forward to the program today because parents, we need all the help we can get. I mean, this culture's coming at us, social media, all the things that kind of tear at the relationship between parent and child. And FOCUS is here to help build that up for you, to equip you as a parent to do the best job you can do, knowing there are going to be times we feel like utter failures. Believe me, I know I do. And John, I'm sure you do too many times. I mean, we're just regular dads in so many ways, even though we get to sit with experts and hear them out. But this is part of just living in this world and we want to make sure that we are giving you Christ centered resources. I think the thing about Focus, John, that so many people that come to visit us here in Colorado Springs say is, wow, I had no idea Focus was doing all this. We're here for you. We are a treasure trove of help for you in your parenting journey. So right from the get go, just call us and ask us the questions you have and we'll send to you those Resources that will be most helpful. Today we're going to talk about helping your child know the right voices to listen to with a great guest.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. Rich Griffith is a part time pastor and also associate professor of youth ministry. He's got three boys and he wrote a really wonderful little book called Helping our children and Youth Listen to wise counsel and boy, that's an amen kind of topic.

[Jim Daly]

I'm kidding.

[John Fuller]

Copy of the book from us or reach out for help in any way. Our number is 800 a family and we've got further details in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Rich, welcome to Focus on the Family. Good to have you.

[Rich Griffith]

Thank you. So glad to be here. Honored.

[Jim Daly]

Now, you're a former army guy, right?

[Rich Griffith]

Yes, sir.

[Jim Daly]

You must be happy with their football season. The last season they did pretty well.

[Rich Griffith]

Pretty good. I'm actually, I hate to say it, but I'm gonna offend people already. I'm a Bulldog fan, but we didn't pull it off.

[Jim Daly]

So there's plenty of people that are gonna say yay. But you look like an army guy. So what did you do in the army?

[Rich Griffith]

I actually was a chap assistant.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, that's great.

[Rich Griffith]

It was a pretty interesting line of work.

[Jim Daly]

So now you're out. Tell us about your three sons. My three sons. You're living the dream.

[Rich Griffith]

Sounds like the whole show, doesn't it? Well, I have my oldest son who is 25, Aaron. And my middle son Dylan, he's 22. And Jamie, my 16 year old. I kind of call him my late birth 16 years old. And it's really interesting how that story happened. Sort of like a Hosea and Gomer moment. I'm like, God, are you sure about this? This does not seem right. But when he called me to do it, I fought the call to adopt for four years. And I tell you who was a significant impact on thought of adoption was focused on the family. But I thought, well, what am I going to do as a single person in that fight to resist? Instead, I sponsored a compassion child. I thought, well, that's good enough, right? God? God's like, well, that's great. Keep it up. That's not what I asked you to do. And so, you know, went through a long process and realized that by the time a child reaches 8 years old, that's second grade. 90% of those children age out of the system. Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

They won't be adopted.

[Rich Griffith]

They won't. And it's heartbreaking. And of those that age out of the system, 50% will either wind up incarcerated, homeless, sex trafficked or Dead. And it's really, really sad. So I thought as I was doing that research, I'm like, well, how can I not do something Rich?

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask you that. And I know this isn't the core of the book, but just that decision, because I know some people are going, wow, you adopted as a single man. There's not a mom in the home, et cetera. But you start looking at the spiritual rationale for this, you got that right out of the book of James. I'm sure most people, single parents that perhaps are single parents, not by desire, a death or divorce or whatever may have happened, and they struggle and they look through that lens of this is such a burden. It's hard, and it is. And I am the product of a single mom, you know, So I get that she had five kids, believe it or not. But in that context, you purposefully did this. I just want to understand that so people can get it. You know, you can do so much as a single person.

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah. I would say, though, don't enter it lightly. I mean, obviously I say running for four years, but that was part of the not entering it lightly. It's really reformed my theology and how I think about family and family ministry. Because reality is, for so many years, we've been defining family ministry by ages and stages, but we haven't been defining it theologically. And, you know, Jesus said, who are my mother, brothers and sisters? It's those who do the will of God. Well, if I'm going to be a part of his family, I need to do part of the will of God, which is James 1:27. I will say, though, as a single parent, it's not the easiest thing to do. And I do think it's better for children to still have two parents. I mean, in an ideal world, right. There's the ideal and there's the real. And so what I have done is made sure, and that's part of the book that we're covering. I made sure that I put godly voices in the lives of my other kids. They all had mentors. They all had other people they can call to because it kept me honest. Right. If I ever lose my temper. I remember one time I lost my temper with my oldest son, and it was not the most godly approach. And I had to go. I'm a full believer in accountability up front. So I went to some of the men in our church, took my son with me, and said, here's what happened. I blew it. I lost my temper. And I get emotional talking about this And I need you men to speak wisdom into our lives.

[Jim Daly]

Wow, what an illustration for your son to be right by your side.

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, they're a part of it.

[Jim Daly]

Totally. And again, just to reiterate, when you look at the number, especially in foster, the number of kids that age out of the system that never get a forever home, as we like to call it, man, that's amazing that you reached in and you said, okay, I'm going to take these three boys. That's three lives that are changed, and you're having a great impact. So thank you for that and thank you for even mentioning Focus's role in that. That's something we started here at Focus. Wait no more. And it's, you know, one of the things we do is supply suitcase, teddy bear and a Bible for foster kids.

[Rich Griffith]

People can see where they trash bags.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, we've distributed like 40,000 suitcases. Well, with the help of everybody pitching in, so that's a big number.

[Rich Griffith]

Can I say something about that? You said that we support that. And that's the thing about adoption. Not everybody is called to adopt. But as the church, can you support a family who is adopting? Right. Can you be. Again, I'm trying to define not just church and family, but church as family. And that's so crucial in this day and age.

[Jim Daly]

Well said, well said. Let's get into the book content. Why is teaching our kids how to use discernment in who they listen to so important?

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, well, you know, I think when you and I were growing up, we didn't have as many voices speaking in the lives like our lives, like we do the lives of our young people.

[Jim Daly]

I can remember 13 television stations and four radio stations.

[Rich Griffith]

Right, exactly. Yeah. It wasn't very many. And so now Gilligan's Island. Right. Oh, man, that takes me back. Just sit right back. Right. So I think what I've started to realize, my doctorate is in youth, family and culture through Fuller Theological Center. And it just got me on this path. And again, my kids changed the direction of my study. And so I think what I started realizing is, particularly in today's day and age, the guest you had on just earlier with deconstruction of Faith and stuff, Deconstruction of Christianity. There are just too many voices in the lives of our young people. It has been said that parents are the primary faith influencers of their children. And I don't know if the research has been done on that yet. I would love for somebody to do that research, but I'm not sure that's so much true. And the reason being is not just because social media, that's a ton of other voices. Right. But I think the church has done a poor job. And I don't mean this disparagingly, but we have not discipled our parents strong enough to disciple our children. And so really a lot of this book is written about do discipleship as you go. Let's stop professionalizing ministry and feel like we hold the keys to the kingdom. Right. Let's empower parents. And I love the question. When I tell my students, the college students where I teach, I'm like, the only dumb question is the unasked question because you'll never get the answer. And if I don't know the answer, that is a great invitation to say, let's go find the answer together. And you join in a spiritual development journey with your children. And it shows humility. It shows that you don't know all the answers, but you're willing to discover them with your children.

[Jim Daly]

Here's something that I was shocked by a person at Fuller, Dr. Kara Schwab. You know, she did this research and she noted that parents for the teen years, parents have a tremendous amount of influence in their teenager's life. That seemed counterintuitive to me as well. But isn't it interesting that the children still make a space there for the parents, even though they got all these other voices going on that in most cases that is going to be the length that's the tightest?

[Rich Griffith]

Absolutely, yes.

[Jim Daly]

And especially at the parents being a good parent, not a perfect parent, but a good parent. So how can parents be that strong voice, develop into being that strong voice with their children as they grow up? And why don't we just take it that way? Take it like single digit age, preteen and then teen.

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, I think when they're younger. Again, matter of fact, there's a different book I wrote on this too. But there are stages of. Think of Erik Erickson's psychosocial development and stages. Trust versus mistrust. Right. So when the children are younger, the foundational thing you can do is you have to build trust with your child. Right. And so in the book, I use three filters, time, transparency and trust. And this is something that is really weighing in our culture. Like for instance, and this is, I know you talked about single digits, double digit. But the reality is we're becoming a busier and busier society. And so the problem is, one of the questions to ask is for the children, who spends the most time with the children, who gives them time. Right. So the first group that we talk about are actually parents and grandparents. There's a lot of grandparents re parenting their grandchildren. So who spends the most time not taking time but investing time in you? And then after that you ask the question is who's the most transparent? So with your children at age appropriate levels, you're transparent. Right. My boys coming out of the system, I think I'm the first adult who ever said to them, I'm sorry.

[Jim Daly]

Right.

[Rich Griffith]

I'm sure the tragedies that happened to them and to hear an adult say I'm sorry because of things that happened, they're like, well, you had nothing to do with. I said no, I'm sorry that it happened to you. And it's not meant to be this way.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Rich Griffith]

And so transparency and then as they get older, you know, your kids are going to ask you questions and you know, did you ever smoke pot? Did you ever drink? Right. Did you ever whatever. Well, and you have to be transparent and honest with them, right? Now, I'm not saying go tell them your deepest, darkest sins, right? But you have to be transparent with them. Well, and if there's time, there's transparency, then that builds trust. And with that trust, that's the voice they're going to listen to. If you're not spending time with your children, if you're not being transparent, why would they trust you? So I'll take the flip side because I don't know how much time we'll have with all this, but look at social media. Many, many, I mean, literally millions of voices, right? So does social media give our kids time? Does it invest in our kids? No, it's a product, it's consumerism. I talk about that. It's somebody pushing their agenda. So it doesn't give time, it takes time. Matter of fact, it actually in some ways can destroy your time. Right. Is it transparent? Well, that's almost a laughable point. And that there's not much social media out there that is transparent, Right.

[Jim Daly]

It's one way communication.

[Rich Griffith]

Exactly. And again it's pushing an agenda. The other part of comes out of is then if it's not, if it's not giving you time, if it's not transparent, why would you trust it? So these are conversations you have as.

[Jim Daly]

A parent, but in that context, let me just say, you know, when you're working with teens and 20 somethings, my experience, they do tend to trust it. They believe what is said, sometimes even blindly. And so describe that for that battle for the Parent that, you know, their son or daughter are always saying, yeah, but I heard the other day on social media, professor so and so said this.

[Rich Griffith]

Well, you know, the funny thing is, it's not just kids that fall for that. It's adults that fall for that. Yeah, I know. And I think it's because we have to challenge our kids to be. One of the voices I talk about is a godly voice. Right. Let's stop looking at the church in America, the Western church, and saying that's how all churches function. Right. When you take your kid on a mission trip and they see how other churches function and how they sing and how they worship and, you know, they still connect with the spirit of God even though it's different. So I think, you know, we all had it growing up. We had that immortal sense that nothing's ever going to happen to me. And all these voices, they don't have the filters to actually discern what is real and what isn't. So again, it's opening up conversation with us. So what do you think about that?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's good.

[Rich Griffith]

What does the Bible say about it?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, let's go there. That's the key thing. You mentioned in the book, a bulldozer parent. And I mentioned this to Jean this morning as I'm reading the book and looking at the prep, and she was like, oh, yeah, that's got to be a parent that just bowls over the child. But then when I looked at it, that was not it. It was one who makes things too easy. Perhaps that's. You mean?

[Rich Griffith]

Absolutely. Well, it went from a helicopter parent, the one who hovers over everything, you know, stuff like to a bulldozer parent where we have become kind of an unhealthy codependency where the parents will bulldoze any challenges and struggles out of their kids.

[Jim Daly]

Way to make it easier.

[Rich Griffith]

To make it easier. Right. And they go in with a good intent, but it really does more damage because the kid does not know. So this whole process, the primary task of adolescents is identity formation. So with all the voices, this is why adolescence is now defined as starts in puberty, 10 years old and ends. Now, do you want to take a guess at when it ends? You're educated people. You may already know this.

[Jim Daly]

It's probably going to be 25 or something like that.

[Rich Griffith]

29? Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, wow.

[Rich Griffith]

29. So prefrontal cortex 24, logical decision making. But 29 is when they're waiting to meet social markers. So adolescence starts in biology and ends in social markers. So we know that Kids are waiting longer to get married. Kids are waiting longer to get out of the house. All these things. So it goes to your question, even in Christianity, we've talked about, how do we help our kids become healthy, independent adults? That's wrong. Codependency is unhealthy. Independence is unhealthy. What we need to teach is a healthy interdependence. In other words, my actions impact you, your impacts impact me, impact others. So this is the beauty of the church as family is we understand that our relationships are vital to each other, to point each other to our continued growth in Christ.

[John Fuller]

This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And our guest today is Rich Griffith. And we're talking about some of the concepts in his book, Helping our Children and Youth Listen to Wise counsel. And you can get a copy of that book from us here at the ministry. Our number is 800 a family, or click on the link in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Rich, let me reiterate this, the 101 aspect of this. Why are mentors so important?

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, I think for the reason that my kids need another voice other than mine, especially as a single dad. My youngest son has a spiritual mentor, Ms. Harriet. Jamie will do things for Ms. Harriet that I can't get him to do at my house. So, like, for instance, he went and actually sanded and scrubbed down her deck.

[Jim Daly]

Wow.

[Rich Griffith]

But she does things for him. Like, she will teach them how to bake brownies and stuff like that. Right. And again, she was a church member. Various things coming out. Well, here's the interesting thing about that. My mother lives all the way down in Florida, so it's not easy to get with Grandma. So Ms. Harriet kind of serves as a spiritual Grandma. We call Ms. Harriet his adoptive God grandmother. And so what happened is his school was having a sock hop dance. They still do that, believe it or not. And so he didn't know who to invite. Grandparents. So he says, Ms. Harriet, would you come and be a part of the sock hop dance? Well, of course she said yes, but she went above board. She went out, got the material made, the full poodle skirt, the blouse, the neckerchief, the shoes, everything. She was the belle of the ball. And they got their picture in the yearbook and stuff like that. And this is the kind of relationship they have. Well, Ms. Harriet is obviously going to also build those foundational teaching and lessons in my son's life that he needs from a female perspective.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

And along those lines, Rich, not only do we have to help our kids understand the wisdom of, like, Minded mentors. But God's word is fundamental. And, you know, I think a lot of our kids are expecting to hear a voice. So how do we help them understand? His voice comes through his word, his spirit.

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, it's interesting. Even in the book on the fifth voice, I put on the positive voices, believe it or not, God is last. Now. He's really first. But I put him last because how our children hear, how we represent God, how mentors represent God, that points them to God, right? Circumstances, scripture, all these things. So one of the things that really happened in teaching my sons to do as we were doing, discipleship as we go. One of the things we do, we'd get in the car, I take him to school every day, drive them home. Great conversation, captive audience, right? So he would read. We'd go through the Gospel of John or the book of. Of Psalms. And this is really important for an adopted kid. We were going through the book of Psalms probably somewhere around Psalm 18. I would always ask a question. He read it. Of course. I keep my eyes open when we pray and stuff. I'm driving. And I would always ask him, well, what does this mean to you? And so after about going through this several times, get to Psalm 18, and I finally asked him the question again, what does all this mean to you? He said, dad, I get it, okay? He says, the psalmist is always writing about how things are really tough and all his friends have abandoned him and he wants to smash the teeth of and his enemies and stuff like that. And he said, but then he always ends, but you're my rock and my fortress. I said, okay, that's great. I'm not trying to get emotional. I said, but what does that mean to you? Now, this is coming from a kid adopted out of the system. He said, dad, what it tells me is God will never leave me or forsake me, no matter what.

[Jim Daly]

Totally connecting the dots.

[Rich Griffith]

Oh, man, it was a powerful moment. So I think teaching them scripture by modeling it and living it out, like I said, we've professionalized ministry, and I think that's why a lot of parents are intimidated to. How do I disciple my kids? Well, Deuteronomy 6, 4, 9 talks about, as you go, as you lay down, as you get up, put them on your doorpost. That's the community part, right? Put them on your door frames and on your gates. So I think this is the partnership we need to have. It's basically living out the Bible.

[Jim Daly]

It's so good. I want to ask you again, because we're not doing our PhD at Fuller. But the voice of God and the way you describe it in the book, the forms that that take describe that.

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, I used the example of Elijah. You know, he has done some great things for God and he sees these miracles. He takes on the prophets of BAAL and, you know, God does this great fire. But then Jezebel says, by the end of the day, I'm going to kill you. And what does he do? He runs. You ever had that great moment in ministry? You had a great moment, but then there's like depression afterwards. So Elijah runs. But here's what I love about this, is God doesn't chastise him. Matter of fact, when Elijah is so exhausted, he says, I'm the only one left. Right? The pity party, right? I'm the only one left. And so God doesn't say, he sends an angel, he feeds them, says, rest, your journey's too much. He does it a second time. And then I love this because of seeing God's word come alive, right? God says, I'm about to reveal myself to you. And we see the rest of the story. God does fire and he does the earthquake, and he does a great wind. And it says, God's not in any of those things. He's in the whisper. And I think this is part of adopting kids and kids learning trust. We gotta mind ourselves, to allow God to be heard through a whisper, not our noise. Right, right. And just so being compassionate and understanding. Our kids went through trauma and they're exhausted. You know, and I hate to say this, you don't have to be a kid coming out of foster care to experience drama. Our kids are experiencing trauma almost every day with all these different voices coming in their life. So I think that's what I look at too. And I say, this is how we live out the scripture in community, as a church, as parents. And look, I always remind people, you may feel like you blow it. Adam and Eve had God and they still did their own thing.

[Jim Daly]

Share the story of your son's bad decision about getting along with his friends on a car ride. I think you put that in the book for a purpose.

[Rich Griffith]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. So my middle son had called me at work. He said, dad, can I go into our town? Hallelujah. Can I go into town, hang with our friends? Yes. Just, you know, again. Where are you going to be? What time are you coming back? He said, I'll be back around 5:00. Fine. So I get home, he's already home, and I'm kind of like well, this is kind of interesting. It was early. I said, are you okay? You're home early. He said, I'm not feeling well, like, okay. So we stabilities, we have routine that we have 5:30, we usually have dinner and stuff. We have things in our table. Put your phones down, all that stuff. He said, I'm not hungry. I'm like, okay. And I could tell he wasn't feeling well. He said, I got a really bad headache. So I had a church meeting that night afterwards, and I get a call from the principal at his school. And she said, Mr. Griffith, I just want to make sure that Dylan's okay. I said, well, why? What's wrong? She said, you didn't know? He was in a really bad accident with a bunch of his friends. And it hit me all of a sudden. The reason he had the headache and he was tired is he had a concussion. After she gave the description of what went on, he had a concussion. So my thing is, I wasn't worried about consequences or chewing him out. I was worried about his health. And dummy me, I let him go to sleep, but I didn't know, right? So I wake him up, I said, look, I know what happened and stuff like that. So I'm not concerned about that right now. We'll talk about that later. We're getting you to hospital, we need to get you checked out and stuff like that. Long story short, at the end of it, we go through the whole process. There are consequences, obviously, that he has and stuff like that. But one of the things he said to me at the end is a couple years later, he said, dad, he said, the moment I knew that you love me was when you were more concerned about me rather than the dumb decision that I did. And I knew that you loved me because you didn't want to talk about the consequences. You just wanted to get me help.

[Jim Daly]

You know, it's so critical that we understand exactly what you're saying there as parents, because we're quick to correct. But sometimes you need to be slow to correct and quick to be concerned. And that'll speak volumes to your child, especially your teenager.

[Rich Griffith]

And that's where the trust comes from. If they know you have their best interest at heart. And that doesn't mean you're going to remove. You're not going to be the bulldozer parent, but you have their best interest. Sometimes they got to go through the valley to grow. So I think that's one of the things I look at at this book, is we can't protect our children. From everything, we got to trust that they're in God's hand ultimately.

[Jim Daly]

It's so tough, Darrell.

[Rich Griffith]

It is.

[Jim Daly]

You know, Rich, right at the end here, this is like the last question. And again, I so appreciate the content of the book. It's a great parenting book, whether it's with foster children or bio kids. The idea of identity. Because so much of what you're describing, as I'm hearing you, it's creating for that child an identity. The goal here is an identity in Christ. Your worth, your value as a human being created in the image of God. And then what's our responsibility in behaving like we're made in the image of God? And to do that successfully in modern culture, it's a lot tougher. It's not the village anymore. It's the world that we have to contend with in attention and behavior and all that. So in that context, why do Christian parents have the antidote?

[Rich Griffith]

Yeah, because our identity is in Christ. Right? He is the one who created us. We're created in the image of God. And so I do tell my kids, do you want to be created in the image of the world or recreated in the image of the world? Or you don't want to be created in the imago dei, the image of God? What's going to give you temporary satisfaction? What's going to give you permanent satisfaction? Right.

[Jim Daly]

Eternal.

[Rich Griffith]

What's eternal? Exactly. That's exactly right. Where is your eternal? And interestingly enough, the more culture is doing what it's doing, it's not an accident that identity formation is being extended because kids don't know who they are. I would say in our culture, our churches are in an identity crisis. We don't know who we are because we're getting the deconstruction thing right. We're getting away from the word. I want to constantly. This is why we do the devotion. My kids read the words. We go over it. I want my kids to know their identity is in Christ and go back to that reminder. No matter what happens in life, God will never leave me or abandon me or forsake me. They know I love them, but they know that God loves them more. Why would they trade that for anything else in the world?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. So good. Rich, thank you for being with us. Thank you for this great resource. Voices helping our children and youth. Listen to wise counsel. Thank you for your example of jumping in the deep end of the pool, adopting out of foster care as a single dad. Wow.

[Rich Griffith]

I'm done. Jesus and Sasquatch would have to knock on the door at the same time. But I prayed about it and the Lord said you're good.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, no man, it's just you're a warrior spiritually and you did it physically in the army. So thank you for the illustrations. I hope you will get a copy of this book. The book's called Voices and it has more practical advice for dealing with the different influences we talked about today and have some questions for starting conversations with your kids. We have copies for you here at Focus on the Family. When you make a monthly pledge of any amount, we'll send you a copy as our way of saying thank you for being part of the support team. As we talked about today, there are so many voices speaking into you and your kids lives. Many of them are not trustworthy. They're not biblical either. But we at Focus on the Family are committed to speaking truth and providing trustworthy resources for Christian families. You can be a lifeline for those families and bring the hope of Jesus into the broken culture by joining us here at Focus on the Family. Those of you who give monthly are so important to keeping the ministry going throughout the year and we know not everyone is in a place to give monthly. If you can make a one time gift, we'll send the book as well.

[John Fuller]

Yeah, pray about how you can join us and support this ministry and then call and donate and get your copy of Rich Griffiths book Helping our Children and Youth Listen to Wise Counsel. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family, 800-232-6459. You can also of course donate online and get details about the book when you click the link in the show notes. Well, next time we'll hear from Gary Thomas as he explains the difference between loving your spouse and truly cherishing them.

[Rich Griffith]

And for me the big difference is that love focuses me on my obligations. I need to sacrifice. I need to serve. I need to be faithful. Cherish focuses me on the beauty, the excellence, the worth, the wonder of my spouse.

[John Fuller]

On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

Your marriage can be redeemed even if the fights seem constant. Even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a hope Restored Marriage Intensive. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you and help you find out which program will work best. Call us at 1-866-875-2915.