Dallas Jenkins (27:54)
I run into so many LDS friends or viewers of the show around the country sometimes so many of them bring up that forum where I got a chance to speak at BYU to the students and community. There's something especially poignant about whenever God works through failure and works through our lack and our desperation as opposed to working through success. I think it's especially wonderful when we see things that have become successful. The Chosen can be identified objectively as a successful project, of course, but that it wasn't always that way and that it could only have existed through failure and struggle, including my own. Our company is called five and two Studios. It's what you see now at the beginning of each episode. 5 and 2 is referring to the moment in my life that I was at my lowest. I had just done a movie that had high hopes and I'd worked with some of the top producers and distribution companies in Hollywood, and I had finally achieved what I, or at least the opportunity to achieve what I had been seeking for a long time, which was impact and global success and legitimacy. That was my drug of choice, was legitimacy and affirmation. And now I was getting that and certainly about to get it even more. And then this movie completely bombed and failed. And I was confused and frustrated and devastated. And I'm home alone with my wife, and God points us to the story of the feeding of the 5,000. Again, my wife, who's sensitive to the spirit in a way that I'm not even always he's just putting it on her heart. My LDS friends often refer to it as an impression. We in the evangelical community would say, God speaks to your heart, or when he puts something on your heart, he's like, read the story of the feeding of the 5,000. He's like, I don't know why, but we're supposed to read that story. We're reading it and we're seeing some things we hadn't seen before. And we found it really interesting that Jesus brought them to the place of hunger. It wasn't like it just happened. And then he came in and saved the day. He actually was responsible for the need. He's the one who'd been talking for three days. It was his fault they were so hungry and had gone without food for so long. That was really interesting and something I hadn't really thought of, of like, okay, just because we're in this desperate, devastated, hungry place, it can often make you feel like, well, God must not be in this because God's not the author of failure. That's what we always tell ourselves or have been taught. And so you go, well, we're in the midst of failure right now. I guess God is absent. We need to find God. Oh, no, no. Many times, in fact, I would say most of the time, depending on your theology. But my theology is that God has the world in his hands and is oftentimes provincial in the failure and in the struggle and in the hunger. So we were really thinking, okay, what does this mean then? Does this mean that we're about to see this big miracle and the numbers are going to magically turn around at the box office and that didn't happen. And so we're just kind of like, what does God have for us in this? Why, why did he put us to this story? And was this even God's voice? I mean, sometimes you, you feel like something is from the spirit and then you follow through on it. And sometimes it just means that you had your own human instinct and you don't know if it was God's voice or not. Well, that night at four in the morning, I'm doing an analysis of everything that went wrong. And I've got a 15 page memo going. And right out of the blue, it just pops up on my computer screen. It was just this message on Facebook from someone I'd never actually met. We just were Facebook friends. And he didn't even say hello. He just said, remember, your job is not to feed the 5,000. It's only to provide the loaves and fish and gosh. I've told this story hundreds of times and every time it so makes me emotional because it's like, brings me to that place of, in that moment when you're actively seeking an answer and actively seeking understanding, and then you're doing it on your own, going, all right, I'm going to analyze and I'm going to use all my strengths that God gave me of problem solving and analyzation. And then this guy just pops this thing in to answer everything you've been wondering about all day. And I immediately go, what are you doing up at four in the morning? And he's like, well, I'm Romania. I'm on the other side of the world. And I'm like, well, then why did you tell me that? He goes, oh, that wasn't me. God told me to tell you that God had put on his heart just as strongly as he had my wife's. Tell Dallas this. He was like, well, I don't want to do that. I barely know the guy. And that's a condescending thing to say to someone who's going through a big failure. He just said, God just kept pounding it on my heart. So he did it. I changed my life in that moment because I knew two things. One, God is real and present and is active in this moment and is trying to speak to me. And two, the truth of Dallas. You keep feeling so responsible for the results, and it's okay to analyze and it's okay to have goals, but ultimately your job is to make the best five loaves and two fish that you can, and whatever that is. Then when I deem them worthy of acceptance, the transaction's over. The growth, the impact is up to me. Sometimes we can, in our attempt to be righteous, we can forget about grace. What I loved about that time that I was speaking at the forum was for a lot of us, even those who are older were like, yeah, sometimes I feel a sense of responsibility, whether it's in my job or in my ministry, even to measure it by the numbers and the growth and think about all the things you guys do in your faith that are unique to your faith, that are measured and especially in the LDS Church, such an entrepreneurial spirit. Building something from scratch is like the hallmark of your culture. And seeing it grow and seeing it have impact either spiritually or financially, and to go, okay, I need to take the responsibility off my shoulders of thinking past what God is going to do and just trust in giving him my best five loaves and two fish. That's why we call it our studio. That is because it's just a constant reminder in an industry that measures you by the numbers in the box office, we have to remind ourselves that that's not the goal. The tone of voice that God had with me the first time he said this to me through this friend. Oh, it was reassuring. It was comforting. It was. You're feeling so low, Dallas. Just you take this burden off you. You're not responsible for the feeding of the 5,000. You're just responsible for the loaves of fish. This comforting voice. Well, now you can fast forward five, seven years later. By every objective measure, I've achieved way more than I ever set out to. I've gotten way more affirmation and legitimacy and awards and box office than I ever would have dreamed back in my years where those things mattered to me. God is a different tone of voice. He's like, dallas, it is not your job to feed the 5,000. You did not feed the 5,000. You were responsible for the loaves and fish. It's a good and healthy and important reminder.