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Max Rushden is joined by Barry Glendenning, Nicky Bandini and Archie Rhind-Tutt as Premier League sides fail to win any of their games in this week’s Champions League last-16 first legs
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Max Rushden
This is the Guardian.
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Max Rushden
Hello and welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly. Another disappointing night for the premier league clubs in the Champions League. Federico Valverde with one of the touches of the season, cushioning out over Marc Gay before hammering home a first half hat trick. All three goals were brilliantly taken. It could have been worse for Man City. Donnarummer saving a penalty before Thibaut Courtois did one of his trademark ridiculous saves in Paris. Chelsea were good against PSG for 70 odd minutes. Then Kvaratschelia came on, Jurgensen made a mistake and it ended 5 2. Meanwhile, Arsenal scrape a draw in Leverkusen. Madueke making the most of minimal contact to win a penalty and let Kai have a score against his former club. And then Bodo, the latest episode of now that's what I call the greatest performance by a Norwegian side in Europe ever. They were comprehensive against sport. We'll do a Premier League preview, discuss Iran and the World cup and the Iranian women's team in Australia. We'll answer your questions on this very special. Happy birthday, Barry. Guardian Football Weekly. On the panel today, the man himself, the man of the moment. Happy 53rd birthday, Barry Glendenning.
Barry Glendenning
Thank you very much, Max. I'm feeling every minutes of my 53 years on this planet.
Max Rushden
You don't look a day older than 52, I would say. Archie Rintart. Welcome, Max.
Archie Rintoul
Delighted to to make. I was surprised given that this was an invite only pod, but you know, just happy to make it.
Max Rushden
Of course. Welcome Nicky Bandini.
Nicky Bandini
Happy birthday, Bass.
Barry Glendenning
Thank you.
Max Rushden
Should we begin with the cake? Will he be upset? Maybe. Let's begin at the Bernabeu. Have you got a card? Okay.
Archie Rintoul
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Max Rushden
Show it. Yeah. There you go. For the YouTube viewers, it says, lucky
Archie Rintoul
for you, I like older men.
Max Rushden
Oh, that's good stuff. Let's start the burner. Bow rail three Man City nil. James Bench from CBS said best hat trick since Bird camp at Filbert Street. It's a good question, isn't it? I, I it was Nikki. So brilliant. The third goal as I mentioned in the Intro. That touch is like you sort of. I made a noise. I was like, this is. This is beautiful. We saw some good touches the day before, some bad ones from Tottenham players, but this was absolute, absolute elite.
Nicky Bandini
Yeah. I hope you're not going to put me on the spot for best hat trick. But the goal.
Max Rushden
No, that's fine.
Nicky Bandini
The goal was outrageous. There was that clip, wasn't there, of. Of Jude Bellingham that I think everyone saw, that just kind of summed it up because he had this. It went from the. The open mouth, like. And then he just started laughing. And I think that's what a lot of us did. When you see a goal like that, sometimes your instinct is just to start laughing because it's so outrageous. And I think that it's one thing to. To talk about the actual technique of it, which is, as you say, absolutely sensational, from the flick to the. The softness of the. Of the finish, because it's really easy, I think, probably just to welly that and lose control of it. But actually to do it in that context of this big Champions League game when Real Madrid haven't been playing well, I think that was. Maybe people went too far with the Real Madrid, a terrible line because they are still second in La Liga, but they haven't been playing well recently and against Manchester City. And when you are, I suppose, in. In this moment when the whole stadium is rocking and everything's going off, to have the composure, to finish it like that was. It was astonishing. It was. They were all good goals. The first one, probably the one that got the most help from. From Donna Ruma not sticking his hand out, but they were. They were all good goals. But our third one was something else.
Archie Rintoul
Yeah.
Max Rushden
And actually, Archie, we don't. We sort of talk quite a lot when somebody kicks it badly, see Antonin Kinski, but we don't spend a lot of time analyzing just a good kick of a football. And I mean, I know it sounds so basic, but like, it is quite an important part of all of this. They, you know, they train quite a lot of the time kicking a ball and just that the, The. The control that these footballers have, these elite footballers have is just. Is. Is just something that we should occasionally stop to appreciate.
Archie Rintoul
Because you brought him up, it's worth mentioning that Thibaut Courtois said he slid into Antonine Kinski's DMs, saying to him, look, I know what happened at Atleti. We've all been there. The pitch there is terrible. So it's not on you to come Back to your original point. The, the flight at which he sends that ball on and the fact I, I, I looked it up from, from the ball leaving Courtois foot to the ball being in the net is eight seconds. So for, for the ball to travel that quickly.
Max Rushden
Oh, is this the first goal? This is the opening goal, right?
Archie Rintoul
For, for, yeah, for Courtois. When you were talking about Courtois there, that, that was the kick I thought you meant.
Max Rushden
No, no, I don't mean the kick from Courtois. I mean the control cushion over Mark Gay. I mean, they're all good. I meant that. I meant I'm still talking about Valverde and his flicking it over Gay. I'm still on the third goal, which is the best goal I heard.
Archie Rintoul
Well, it is, it is. But there's, there's something spec like we could analyze. The touch for the first goal is. Oh yeah, it's how I'm gonna try and manifest. Please do towards that because the cushion from Valverde is, is the perfect touch from there as well. And also you see Donna Rummer get caught in two minds as to should I bring him down. Which is funny because in the second half when Vinicius goes past him, he seems to remember, actually I'm really quite good at saving penalties. So you know what, let's let, let's get him down. And I've probably got a better chance at that because. Yeah, to, to the goal that you are talking about originally, the, the fact that you can make a little cuckoo sound when he puts the ball over Gahi is, is, is kind of part of the magic of it. And it's the feeling of, no, he's not about to. He's just done that. And this is a guy who has had to play right back this season due to injuries that Real Madrid have had to Carvajal to train Alexander Arnold as well. And said in a press conference at one point, I wasn't born to be a right back. And I think if there was ever going to be a game which is going to show, you know what? I don't think you will have to play there again because the memories of this will just linger. So large. But yeah, outstanding array of finishing in the space of 22 minutes. It's an outrageous hat trick. And, and in the realm of great hat tricks, there's only one that really always stands out as being the best hat trick, which is Rivaldo's hat trick, where he scores three from outside the area, including one which finishes with an overhead kick. It's Valencia 2001. Of course, never had to YouTube that at all.
Max Rushden
Yeah, no, that's fine.
Nicky Bandini
There was a context that was like. It was a Champions League place online, wasn't there? I can't remember exactly what it was. I have a feeling it had a knock on impact for other European clubs because of who'd got in through the cups. It was. It was one of those goals that had like a really significant knock on as well. So it wasn't just a magnificent hat trick. It was. It was a big one. Sorry, that's a complete off track moment.
Max Rushden
That's fine.
Barry Glendenning
The, the. The.
Max Rushden
Just a final bit on the third goal is that the assist from Brahim Diaz was. Was brilliant and actually was a good panenka. Even if it wasn't a panenka. Since we mentioned it yesterday, if we're splitting hair, if we're splitting hairs, Barry, the second goal lets him down a bit because it's just an okay good finish, you know, in. In terms of a brilliant hat trick. Yeah, it was an okay good finish
Barry Glendenning
and it needed a bit of luck because then the ball popped up off Ruben Diaz. The. The squared pass from Vinnie Jr. But the way he got the run on Nico Riley, who had a fairly torrid evening, he really got the run around. And Gahi as well for the. The third one, you know. Welcome to the Champions League, Mark. You're in with the big boys now. It was still a very nice finish. It was a brilliant hat trick. It was a brilliant captain's performance from him. There was talk earlier in the season, he, as someone has mentioned already, he really was unhappy at having to play right back. He was right side of midfield last night. He's played all over the place everywhere except in golden early this season. And I thought he was really good in defense as well. He worked really hard to provide cover for Trent Alexander Arnold when Jeremy Docu got on the ball. Just a brilliant all round performance. And this is a Real Madrid team that had no Mbappe, no Jude Bellingham, no Rodrigo, among other absentees. Crowbarring all those players into the side is an issue when they're all fit. If they had been fit, Brahm Diaz probably wouldn't have been playing last night either. With Ar Ghuler. Maybe them being injured benefited Real Madrid last night. I certainly wasn't expecting this level of performance from them or indeed from City. So I'd give City a chance to turn this around, but a very small one.
Nicky Bandini
I just wanted to say one more thing on Valverde because Paz was touching on it with the defending. There's A moment. Because City did have some moments going forward, and in particular, Doku was looking at certain times like he could really menace Trent Alexander Arnold. And there's one moment where you just have Valverde. He literally is running past Trent Alexander. He puts his hand on his shoulder for a moment, almost like he's using him to be like, out the way now. I'll deal with this. You're thinking you're scoring a hat trick at one end, you're moving Trent out the way so you can then make that sliding challenge and block Docu from getting the ball in the other end. He was astonishing last night. The goal is worth dwelling on, but his whole performance was. I mean, it's very cliched with the captain's performance thing, but that is like the picture of a captain's performance.
Max Rushden
Yeah. And I suppose, Archie, it gets to that sort of those questions about Real Madrid and kind of muscle memory, because, like, you know, Mark Langdon was saying yesterday, look, this is a great chance for City. This is a really good. Real Madrid are not where Real Madrid are normally at. And suddenly you get to this game and they just go, oh, it's the Champions League knockout. So we. We just be good again. You know, it's a weird thing. We talked about, the psychology. I keep. Don't want to keep bringing up Tottenham over Tottenham yesterday, and you know what it means as a club. But like, for Real Madrid, it is just that thing where they go, okay, we'll just be good again.
Archie Rintoul
I think you look at all three goals and they all come from Courtois. They all start with moves from the back and the team recognizing the necessary tempo that they have to move at because there's an opportunity there. And I think it's precisely that that was missing from Master City. It was that instinct of, I'm going to try something which. Which is all that Federico Valverde is. I say all that. It is. It is a stunning goal, but his hat trick goal is, I'm going to try something here. And teammates trusting in each other's instinct. And that's kind of what was missing from City, because I would expect Erling Haaland to be able to impose himself on this kind of occasion. I wasn't seeing enough energy from him of, give me the ball at all costs. I will wrestle it in whatever situation into my grasp. And that, I think, is the kind of energy that Real Madrid sometimes bring to these occasions. And I was so disappointing from.
Max Rushden
From Manchester City just on ctoir Barry, every time you watch him at this stage of this Competition. He pulls off like that save from O'Reilly is ludicrous.
Barry Glendenning
It was kind of straight at him, I've got to say.
Max Rushden
It was okay.
Nicky Bandini
B could have made it. B could have stopped it.
Barry Glendenning
Being unkind, you'd have headed it clear, wouldn't you? Out of courses.
Max Rushden
Yeah.
Barry Glendenning
Okay. Yeah, it was good save. I've got to say, Nick O'Reilly gave him every chance to save it. He shouldn't have had a chance to save it, but he is a tremendous player. Like the assist for the first goal was. That wasn't just a pumped up field. That was a brilliant inch, perfect pass. And Valverde's touch to take it away from Nick O'Reilly was. Was amazing as well. But he's just a brilliant goalkeeper doing brilliant things in a week where other goalkeepers haven't been quite exceptional, let's just say. And if you've got a really good, really reliable goalkeeper there, well, I was going to say they're worth the weight in gold, I would imagine Courtois worth far more than his weight in gold, literally. But you know what I mean.
Max Rushden
I know what you mean. And actually, Donna Rumor, to be fair, who has been great for City this season, you know, he saves that penalty and that probably, Nikki, keeps them in the tie. And maybe we, we should wait to have this conversation until next week. But you know, Pep only winning one Champions League with Man City over this period, is that. It doesn't feel enough, does it?
Nicky Bandini
Yeah, I definitely think we should wait because I. I don't think that the flaws that exist within Real Madrid have disappeared. I think it'll be very hard for Man City to turn this over, but I don't think it's. I don't think it's out of the realm of things that can happen in what feels like. I mean, it feels like this whole tournament is not just off the rails, but left the rails some time ago. Like we're in the runaway mine car and we're just. We're enjoying the ride because it has been an incredible ride, but who knows where it's going to finish up because we've seen games like this. I actually think there's an extent to which this feels like vindication. For those of us who thought that maybe getting rid of the away goals rule wasn't going to be a disaster for football because we're seeing teams at home in these first legs saying, go on then, let's. Let's see if we can run up a score. Let's see if we can do something and not worry if we concede as well, we'll get to the Chelsea PSG game. An interesting one. He's obviously a great goalkeeper and he makes that penalty save late on, but he actually, because he. I think he. Exactly as the guys were saying, like he did, he just thinks he's inside. He thinks he's outside his area at that moment in the first goal, he doesn't put his hand out. But he has a reputation initially, originally, and still to some extent as being a goalkeeper who has big errors in him. And this was kind of his. His whole nickname for a while. He did such a silly little story, but he did a. He made an appearance to character in an Italian kids comic book called Popolino, where they reimagined him as a. As a. Because it's all Mickey Mouse type characters. They reimagined him as a duck character and called him paper uma. Now, papera in Italian is a word that is used as slang for a goalkeeping gaffe. Like it's a gaffe. So then he was paper uma. He was the goalkeeper who made gaffes. And every time he made one, it got blown up. And this unfortunate decision to do something silly for a kid's comic back in the 2010s somewhere, I can't remember exactly when, became almost a thing that was added to his story. And in Italy, I think they still think, yeah, he's a good keeper. No one thinks he shouldn't be starting for the national team, but he. He has his moments. And I think that in the context of the tie, these things matter. Because why were Madrid so much better last night? When Trent Alexander Arnold said it on TNT in their interview afterwards, he basically said it's the size of the game. So they show up because of the size of the game. That's kind of an admission that we try harder in certain games, which is maybe not a thing people should say, but who doesn't at sometimes in their work try a little bit harder because they realize all the eyes are on them. Everyone does that sometimes. The context of the Champions League, of the size of the game and scoring that first goal shifts the game completely. City hadn't started badly. So I think those things do matter. And I think that likewise in the second leg, if City score early, then the momentum can shift. Things can happen because Madrid aren't that good at the back. So it's. It's not a done tie. Even though it's a very hard way back from City, for City from here.
Max Rushden
Speaking of size, I mean, Donna Ruma Would be a big duck. That does lead to the. You know who's more likely to save a penalty? 1 duck sized Donna Rumor or 100 Donna Rummer sized ducks. But anyway, let's get to the part. DE PRG 5 Chelsea 2 Barry. A really good game in this. Some great goals and actually like for quite a long time. Chelsea were good in this.
Barry Glendenning
They were very good for 73 minutes. It's kind of the polar opposite of the Tottenham game. Tottenham's match was derailed by 17 minutes of goalkeeper induced madness at the start. And Chelsea's was derailed by 17 minutes of goalkeeper induced madness at the end. Came from behind twice. They were well in it. Then Philip Jorgensen had his wobble, I suppose, or the start of a quite an extended wobble when he tried to play out from the back. There was no passing lane open to him. Barcode closed him down. Gives the ball to Garret Celia, who teed it up for Bettina and he scored with just a beautiful lob over. Beautiful. Another brilliant goal from last night. Chelsea almost equalized again. How Pedro goal ruled offside correctly. And then Clarence Kelia got involved, scored one brilliant goal. Another very good goal from the moment he came on as a sub. Yeah, that's when PSG grabbed control. They. They won the period. He was on the pitch three nil, didn't they?
Max Rushden
Yeah, I. I mean, I suppose Jorgensen, I feel like he's sort of unlucky because he's been really good and I know Chelsea have goalkeeper issues. Right. You know, they do not have a cast iron number one. Lots of questions about Robert Sanchez. He had been so good. Like we talk about how difficult a position it is. It is a terrible part. Like it's not there, it's not there to be played. But I felt for him just because he'd had actually a solid performance until that moment.
Archie Rintoul
I feel the fifth goal, though, is partly on his positioning and one that he should do better on. Yeah, well. And the stats community will point out that PSG had an XG which was under one last night, which is.
Max Rushden
Oh dear.
Archie Rintoul
Which is not a good look for a goalkeeper. And I still, I'm trying to find different XG models because I'm like, that can't be right. And it just makes me think that actually there is something about PSG who have, I think, the highest attacking ceiling of any of the teams in the Champions League because they can score a quality of goal that some teams can't touch. The fourth goal from Clara Scalia. I am still trying to Work out how he is able to generate that power of such a backlift. Yeah, because exactly. It seems like as soon as he struck the ball, the ball's in the net and there's this wonderful shot of a, of a PSG fan who's a kid who's just kind of got his jaw dropping. Like, did I just see what, what I just saw there after the replay? And, and I think that's kind of the point here as well, is that if you look at who PSG were able to bring off the bench, they were able to bring one massive difference maker off the bench. And Chelsea don't have that, despite the many players that they do have that Cavaratz Galia comes on that he has the presence of mind. Some players do not play that ball across when, when he receives it from, from Philip Jorgensen for Virtini's goal. Some. Some players think, oh, I need to, I need to go and shoot because the goal's open now. But he has the presence of mind to go. Hang on, just play it to Vitinia who, Who takes that touch where you think, oh, has he, has he messed this? Oh, no, he's. He's just carefully thinking this over. And every time I think with Vitinia, he's about to lose the ball is the most dangerous point. And I think that's the problem with psg. Every time you think I've got them. If you notice, for that aforementioned Faratskalia, the fourth one for psg, he has a horseshoe of five Chelsea players around him when he takes that shot, and it's still not enough. So as you say, I don't think Chelsea played too badly. And Philip Jorgensen might think, have I been done here just by just some outrageous finishing. I think the answer is probably yes.
Max Rushden
Yeah. And quite surely, I mean, Niki, you're right. Like that the fourth goal, he takes an extra touch that. That creates the space. And then Archie says, like, no backlift. He does remind me of Steve Claridge, like an elite level, you know, he's. He's like, yeah, yeah, Clarice Scalia.
Barry Glendenning
Perfect.
Max Rushden
You know, because he's a bit scruffy, you know, and his socks are rolled down.
Barry Glendenning
But ah, apparently, apparently wrote an article likening him to Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
Max Rushden
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nicky Bandini
Is France Scalia just like this incredible mirror to our psyches. In Napoli, everyone called him Maradona. But Max looks at him and sees Steve Claridge. Barney sees Shaggy from Scooby Doo. You just see, you see what you want to see in Kvaratsky.
Max Rushden
You see what you want to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nicky Bandini
I mean, the fourth goal was extraordinary, but I kind of want to come back as well to that Virginia goal because it almost feels like. Yes, it starts with this error from Jorgensen and Barker takes it off him. It almost felt like just showing off for the sake of it. Like, how can we make this goal harder for ourselves? Okay, we've stolen it from the keeper. We're right in front of the goal. What if we give it to Bettina, who's the wrong side of a defender, and we just let him go over the defender and Jorgensen again, just. Just to add some difficulty points. It felt like that kid in the playground who's just. He's just doing it to wind everyone up. At this point, we're just showing you how much better I am than you. But they were. They were astonishing goals. It's that difficulty of not wanting to. When we're sitting here trying to offer analysis and offer a take on these games. But there is a part of me that sometimes has felt, watching the Champions League this week, that you want to throw half out the window and say, well, it's just because that football is really good. He's just really good at the football. And that's what's making a difference in what have been some quite chaotic games.
Max Rushden
How do we feel about ball boy simulation, Barry? You know, Neto probably shouldn't do that. It's probably a red card, isn't it? But to see a. To see a ball boy, like, going down, holding his face like that, you are, you know, you're allowed to say the game was gone.
Barry Glendenning
Yeah, he looked very old for a ball boy. I'm not sure, like Steptoe, what. What age this ball boy was, but obviously it's very uncharacteristic to see a lack of discipline like that from a Chelsea player. And he should have been sent off. I guess he'll probably get a ban anyway. He was profusely apologetic afterwards. I'd say half apologetic because he knows it's a bad look and he shouldn't have done it. And half apologetic, trying to preempt any punishment that might be coming his way retrospectively. Yeah. It's just funny that he pushed the ball boy in the chest and he went down holding his face. Monkey see, monkey do. If you're sitting at the side of a football pitch on a regular basis, you've got to pick up a few tricks. Yeah, he shoved him into the advertising hoarding. You can't be doing that. You know, it's, it's not.
Archie Rintoul
No.
Barry Glendenning
Not on.
Archie Rintoul
No.
Max Rushden
But maybe the ball boy should get at least a yellow card simulation as well. Archie, like we've all said. Oh, City are still in this tie. You know, Are we all saying Chelsea are still in this tie?
Archie Rintoul
I think they are, but they're not as much in this as City are in theirs. There are moments where your biggest players have to show up and do the kind of things that PSG did, which is take the game by the scruff of its neck. And look, when PSG go to one up, Chelsea could be going two one up. And it's not saying that Cole Palmer's chance is easy, but Cole Palmer is a player who we think on his best day, which there have not been many of those this season, can produce the kind of world class finish. And the difference is, is that his goes straight at Safanov and Usman Dembele goes down the other end and makes a great goal. We should, we should say he makes Wesley Fafana look very silly indeed by he, the way he disguises that dribble and makes him think, okay, I am going to go. You can almost hear Usman Dembele saying, yeah, I am going to take this shot inside until I don't. And, and the way he pulls it back onto his right foot, that's the thing when we're talking about psg, the quality of these goals, to be honest, I think you can go through the first four at least I know that Barkala's goal takes a little nick on, on the way through. But again, the power and the technique that he strikes that up and that's the thing that Chelsea can play well, but playing well against PSG isn't enough. And knowing that that's what damage they can do to you on the break, I think that's the thing is, can, can, can you see Chelsea winning even if PSG like the casualness, by the way, that Malo Gusto had space at
Max Rushden
the back post for the equalizer, where
Archie Rintoul
you're thinking psg, they aren't quite mentally as sharp as and focused as last year. They've worked out an almost Real Madrid quality to them that maybe we do need to just invest this amount of effort to win. And there is that thing about them where, look, we've seen in Ligue are how close they're being run for the title there. But it's just difficult to see Chelsea stepping up to the necessary level to be as ruthless as they need to be to Beat this PSG team.
Max Rushden
All right, that'll do for part one. Part two we'll begin with Arsenal's drawing Leverkusen.
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Max Rushden
Welcome to part two of the Guardian Football Weekly. So Arsenal got a late penalty. Madawake was fouled. Was he in the box? And Kai Havertz put the penalty away. Archie, you were there. Did you have a nice time?
Archie Rintoul
I had a nice time. It wasn't a great game but I know that this comes with the territory in, in how Arsenal want to play, how they want to have control of the game and control of the tempo. It actually reminds me of less vintage Xabi Alonso Leverkusen and how Xabi Alonso used to always not want any hectic as he, as he would put it that the game was, was not to go back and forth. And I think that's simply what what Mikel Arteta wants. He wants control of all phases and, and the thing is is that it was from switching off at the start of the second half when I saw the Arsenal players go into a huddle and as a fan when you see that you think oh okay, they're really switching on now. And not only, not only were they unable to switch on, Leverkusen made Raya make his his best save of the game inside 10 seconds of kickoff and then within a minute they've scored from, from a corner where Casper Hulman, the Leverkusen coach turns to Nicholas Hover, the Arsenal set piece coach to go ah, we could do blocking too because it's Ezzer who, who gets blocked off there and also because there's a few fun sideline is that Hjman tried to, to sign Hover to the Danish national team when, when, when Hover was at Brenford. So, so there is some knowledge of each other. Point is Arsenal didn't quite have enough flair. I would say that even if I, I think that they have decided that they're going to play at this tempo and actually long term if you're going to try and go for as many trophies as they are, it's probably not a bad idea because they still do have enough and have been having enough to get over the line. But they had Robert Andries on a Yellow card after five minutes. And Andrish, with stricter European refs, could have got sent off. And at that point, I'm thinking, why are you not trying to target Andrish? Moore, get the ball into Yokerez more and just put him in uncomfortable positions. And Martinelli hit the crossbar after that. And that's where I still think that you can have a bit more control and do a bit more with the game. Leverkusen were really good. Have to give credit to them as well. The way that Ernest Poku was able to track and keep up with Martinelli's dribbling, not many people can do that. Cafana caused problems for Gabriel and Saliba, but I think from a Leverkusen point of view, especially because it's Kai Havertz who rolls in the penalty as well, which is another dagger to the heart, they probably had enough to hang on there. And the penalty, I'll let you pore over it.
Max Rushden
Well, the challenge is ridiculous. The challenge is ridiculous. You did, but you spoke to Madoieki afterwards. I presume you checked if he was okay.
Archie Rintoul
I. I did, and he said I felt contact and that was enough. And the problem is not Madaweke. The problem is what football's become in that it's not reliant on the feel of the game from the referee, it's reliant on which slow mo replay you get. And there's one where you see that Madueke's foot gets caught under Tillman's back as he's sliding in. And actually from there, you see that Madueke's left foot doesn't hit the floor again before he goes back down. But, yeah, it's. Don't dive in. Is. Is now what you have to say?
Max Rushden
Yeah, it's. He doesn't need to dive in, does he? I don't know. Nikki, how are your. How are your emotions as an Arsenal, as the most reasonable Arsenal fan on the earth?
Archie Rintoul
How.
Max Rushden
How are you feeling?
Nicky Bandini
I don't know. I think it's. It's really interesting as a contrast with some of the other football we watched and we've been talking about, because, as I say, I feel like this champion. I mean, I need to be clear. I'm loving this Champions League. And I still talk about it being off the rails. It's bonkers. But it's very, very entertaining. It almost feels like Arteta, this season, is trying so hard to not let anything get out of his control. He's trying so hard to keep everything ordered and structured, and I wonder if it's causing the team just to. They look tight, they look almost too worried about everything. And in some ways the fact that it's Mado Eke who wins that penalty, and I'm think Archie has analyzed it very well because I didn't think it was a penalty at all at first. And then the more you look at it, the more you can go, well,
Max Rushden
maybe, but he's running at pace, et cetera.
Nicky Bandini
Yeah, yeah. But the fact that it's him that causes it is almost indicative because look, Bukayo Saka is Arsenal's best player. No one's questioning that. But he's, he's a cerebral player. He is someone who, who, who thinks about the game and one of his greatest strengths I think is, is his decision making a lot of the time and it wasn't his best night. And what made something happen in the end was putting on a player magic. Not trying to say the Mad Wacky doesn't think about the game as well, but he's just direct. He'll just go. He'll just make those runs and try to make something happen. And it almost feels like that's a story in itself that actually maybe just letting that hand break up a tiny bit and saying, okay, just do your thing is what Arsenal need a bit of being told at this point of the season because it does feel like the longer it goes, the closer we get to actually winning something. Which still feels far too far away to me, but feels like they're just getting tighter and tighter and, and actually maybe that if anything does go wrong, will be the reason why is because they can't, they can't get out of their own way a bit.
Barry Glendenning
I feel like we're constantly down on Arsenal on this podcast and I'd love them to pull out a performance of a real swashbuckling nature and just absolutely swat someone aside so we can go, oh, yeah, that, that was really good. But this was. Bad performance, but a decent result. Mansfield at the weekend, bad performance, decent result. I can't remember the last time I watched Arsenal went, whoa, that was really good. Probably Bayern Munich. That was a long time ago.
Max Rushden
They did, they did beat Spurs 4 1.
Nicky Bandini
I was going to say that, but.
Barry Glendenning
But at some point you'd imagine they're going to have to seriously up their game or, or they're going to start getting punished, but so far it hasn't happened. Like, they were pretty unimpressive last night. Again, you'd imagine they'll win it at home in the second leg, but Barrykusen have already beaten Benfica, man city and Olympiacos away in this tournament this season. So who's to say they won't win at the Emirates.
Archie Rintoul
I just thought that that's the closest that we'll ever get to hearing what Barry would sound like if he was talking about England in a major tournament. Because the analysis fits so perfectly. When are they going to let the hand break off? When are they going to play?
Max Rushden
Barry would never say. What we need is a swashbuckling wit. That is the point where that analogy really.
Barry Glendenning
For the last thing we need.
Nicky Bandini
I was just going to say because. Because we're focusing on Arsenal. I think Leverkusen before this kept. It's like six clean sheets in the last seven champions league games. So there's worth saying that as well. Right. It's not just a one team game ever. And Leverkusen, unlike a lot of teams in this. In this round managed to do the one crucial thing that again, lots of people haven't been doing, which is just not do something stupid. We saw a lot of stupid things happen this round and Leverkusen didn't do that. Which always going to set you up to do better, isn't.
Max Rushden
AJ says should we just assume that Bodo Glimpsed would win the premier League? Mike says if Bodo go further than man city, does that mean they've saved football? Barry. The Nordic dream continues. I mean this was so comprehensive. This is just like. It was like just. It was so routine.
Barry Glendenning
Yeah. And it wasn't a shock. I totally expected them to win and they did easily. So they go. They were 3 nil lead to take to. To Lisbon. They're such a pleasure to watch. They're so well organized in the fence. They're not afraid to sally forth on the attack. Their pass and movement is. Is brilliant. I think it speaks volumes that if you'd asked me at the start of the season to name a single border glim player, I wouldn't have been able to. Now I watch them and I. All these names are familiar. They're just so good. And I really hope they win the Champions league. And that's the way they're going. I wouldn't rule it out.
Max Rushden
It is your birthday, Barry. So I shouldn't do the. Can you Name Their Starting 11 now? All their players are so familiar.
Barry Glendenning
The Hulk, who sounds like a character from Star Wars.
Max Rushden
Actually, Barry, you. I thought. Well, I really thought of you when that penalty was given as just someone pushing someone over that they're never given to the point where the sporting players just couldn't Believe it was given. And it was just. That is a push. And you are. You know, that's one of your high horses is the shove is a shove. And I presume you are utterly delighted to see that penalty given.
Barry Glendenning
Well, it's a penalty. The argument is always that is it enough of a push. But if you push someone in the back and prevent them from doing what they're trying to do, that. That is a foul and it should be given.
Max Rushden
Yeah, Archie, They. They make it all look so simple. Like, what are they. What is it that they're doing?
Archie Rintoul
Timing of every attack and not being affected by the outside noise. They are just playing their own game. And you see it with the calmness with which they walk around the pitch at full time and take the acclaim from their fans. They still very much look like they're in the zone. And it's all the more amazing when I was going through their lineup last night and thinking, okay, so how many of these players have full international caps for. For Norway or for their country? And the answer is that the majority of the team have not got a full international cap. And not even. Like, there's only two who have really been regulars for Norway in the last few years. And that hasn't really included Jens PeterHauger. He's had 12 international caps in total. And when you look at the sporting side, it's a bit of a different case. Only two of them have not played full internationals for their country and they're quite young, generally. Sorry, three of them. And it's just a. The strength in depth that Norway have coming into this world Cup.
Max Rushden
Yeah.
Nicky Bandini
Because you think.
Archie Rintoul
Just feel the Bodo glimp lads. To be honest, they seem to be pretty well entwined with one another. And it is remarkable. I was doing the obvious thing, texting Lars last night, going, what are they singing? And he was saying that at one point they were singing, albeit tongue in cheek, about winning the champions league and yet artificial pitch. You know what? We'd like to see everyone go. Go there and do this. Because also what I think is impressive, particularly about this game, is that they still had. I think it was 49% possession in the end. So I think all of their victories have come from having less of the ball, which I know is very marginal here. But I think this is where this is probably their win, where they've had most of the ball and I think probably the most expectations as well. But again, to come back to the original point, to shut out all those expectations and say, we are just playing our own game and to continue to create the volume of chances they'll struggle not to go through. Now, you'd think,
Max Rushden
and good for them, that the final actually this year is at Kenilworth Road in 1989.
Archie Rintoul
So
Max Rushden
that, that should really help them, shouldn't they?
Barry Glendenning
The one big blot on their copy book is that they fail to beat Tottenham.
Max Rushden
Yes, worryingly for the rest of Europe,
Barry Glendenning
they're only the second best team in Norway because they didn't win the championship last. Last season.
Nicky Bandini
Can we talk about Bloomberg's backflip after his goal? I don't know if that's another advantage of your artificial pitch, but he gets some real clearance. Like when you watch it, he's, he's not just a little bit. He's. He's right up there. I think, I think that that needs mentioning.
Archie Rintoul
That there is one downside for Fubodo is that their domestic season is now starting.
Max Rushden
All right, they might get tired. What. What might that mean for them? Yeah. Tonight in the Europa League, Forest, home to Midjaland Villa, go to Lille. Lots of L's in that fixture. And in the Commerce League, palace home to AEK Larnaca. And that'll do. And we obviously won't mention those because we'll just forget. But we'll try. We'll try our hardest. And that'll do for part two. Part three. We'll do a Premier League pre.
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Max Rushden
Welcome to Part three of the Guardian Football Weekly. Just in the efl, Coventry beat Preston three nil and I've won six on the spin and they are now eight points clear of Middlesbrough. Producer Joel thought the Google Dog was glick the Google Doc. Rather not. The Google Dog was glitching as he couldn't see Charlton's win over second place Borough at the top of the running order. So yeah, Charlton beat borough. So yeah, eight points between Coventry and Middlesbrough. Middlesbrough now just 1.8 ahead of Millwall in the race for the automatics. Big win for Oxford United last night. At the bottom they beat Blackburn 1 nil just one point behind them in 20th level on points with Leicester in 21st. West Brom got a point against Southampton so is incredibly tight. West Brom on 37, Oxford 38. Both in a relegation zone. Leicester 38, Blackburn 39, Portsmouth 40. So look the weekend then the title race is Arsenal at home to Everton at 5:30 on Saturday and then City going to West Ham at 8pm on Saturday. Barry, do you presume will be as you were by the end of play?
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Barry Glendenning
I don't know. Everton are wildly unpredictable. You would expect them to lose against Arsenal at the Emirates. Would have come as a massive shock if they. They got a result. I don't think it would. Everton on their day are really good. It's just picking that day is. Is difficult. And West Ham City, I. I haven't a clue what's going to happen there.
Max Rushden
I literally have no idea. Sorry to ask you for a prediction on your birthday of all days. I know you don't like this.
Barry Glendenning
Yeah, two. Two sides who are just wildly unpredictable. Manchester City should of course beat West Ham but do I expect them to? No.
Max Rushden
Oh for the love of spurs please.
Barry Glendenning
City.
Max Rushden
I can't have West Ham. I can't. Is dropping into the bot forest home to Fulham as well on Sunday at 2 o' clock and then Liverpool spurs at 4:30 at at time of recording. Archie Eagle Tudor is still the manager of Tottenham which seems utterly itself incomprehensible like the own. Like nobody thinks he should be the manager. Apart from the incredibly bad decision makers. Who are the decision makers at Tottenham? I was. I've written a piece about this. There is an article on the website that says, you know, Igor Tudor expected to be in charge for Liverpool. The subheading is Harry Redknapp rules himself out. A real human had to write that as a genuine piece of news copy and I'm disappointed that Harry Redknapp ruled himself out.
Archie Rintoul
That's.
Max Rushden
That's where we're at now.
Archie Rintoul
I, I listened to yesterday's pod and what struck me is that through the show your laughter gets more maniacal and desperate and hysterical as if you can't believe that you're going ever further into this rabbit hole. To be. To be honest Max, I just. How do you feel?
Max Rushden
Well, I mean I don't mind because I like it doesn't affect me on a. Like if they go down I will be like this is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. And I, I will be sad when they're not just on Match of the Day. You know that will be like, oh, this is. I've got to watch the EFL highlights, you know, like, I watch them for League 2. I don't need them for the championship as well. Like, that is. I. How do I feel that. Do you know what? Like, even though I think there is such a high chance of them going down, because they've never gone down in my lifetime, there is just part of me that thinks they won't because it just doesn't happen.
Archie Rintoul
Right?
Max Rushden
Like it's just not a thing that happens in football. And that is a really naive way to think, but it is how your brain kind of works. You just go, well, West Ham get relegated all the time. Nottingham Forest get relegated all the time. So one of those will get relegated. But you know, like, there's every chance that Romero and Paulina are concussed, right? They've got no players, You know, Liverpool. Liverpool are not having a brilliant season, but they're not. They're a good football team. They're a football team. That sort of function. They're a functioning team, right? I don't know. Like I. I am astonished that Tudor is still the manager. Like, I can't believe it. The only logic could be they think we're not going to get anything Liverpool, which is a bad way to think because there aren't that many games left. Let him have that and athletic and then change it so that the vibes aren't instantly bad for Chris Houghton or Ryan Mason or whoever it is, Glenn Huddle. But you know, Chaz or Dave, the surviving Chazzle. Dave, I don't know. But like it is astonishing. Like he's so like, I. I tend to find football now that, that I was saying to producer in before the show, like, if Cambridge win or Tottenham win, I'm happy and if they lose, I don't mind. Like, it's okay. I don't really expect either of them to win that often. But this is really bad anyway. Chelsea, Newcastle, Manu Villa in those. You know, that's a big game actually. Barry Trafford, isn't it for. For those two.
Archie Rintoul
Yeah.
Barry Glendenning
I. There are some games this weekend. I, I think I expect United to beat Villa and I expect. Sorry, Archie Forest to beat Fulham. I'll be devastated if Liverpool don't beat Spurs. I don't expect them to. I probably do. Villa are. Yeah, they're just missing key players through injury and midfielders and they're tired and I'd be surprised if United didn't win that.
Archie Rintoul
Just to follow up as I. I agree that I think Forest will beat Fulham, which is why I now think it won't happen, because Fulham tend to turn up suddenly out of nowhere when you least expect it. And yet under Marco Silva, this time of the season, things always seem to go south. And, and there was a lot of criticism for the nine changes last week and I, I think it was worth criticizing him, just not for the nine changes because there's apart from Harry Wilson and Alex Awobi, no one's really in form. So it's his job to get everyone in form. So he's he's more looking around the squad of can anyone stand up? And the answer is no right now. But of what consequence is that when you're 10th with 40 points and I
Barry Glendenning
mean Silva got a lot of flak and I think deservedly so for feeling that team against Southampton. But the team everyone wanted him to put out or think he should have put out did get beaten by West Ham the previous week. Archie makes a good point elsewhere then
Max Rushden
Iran's sports minister Ahmed Doni Amali has said that Iran cannot participate in the 2026 World cup after the United States kill their leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Considering that this corrupt regime, the US has assassinated our leader, under no circumstances can we participate in the World cup, he told state television. Our children are not safe. Fundamentally, such conditions for participation do not exist. His comments come after the FIFA president Gianni Infantino, good old Gianni, reported that Donald Trump had said Iran were welcome to play at the upcoming tournament despite the ongoing conflict, Infantino said during a meeting with Trump to discuss preparations for the competition. We also spoke about the current situation in Iran. During the discussions, President Trump reiterated that Iranian team is of course welcome to compete in the tournament in the United States. That peace prize looking increasingly impressive, isn't it? We don't know yet how their replacement will be picked in the World Cup, Hank says Any plans to mention Iranian women's football team and what happened in Australia. Robyn mentioned this story last week when they didn't sing the national anthem. Women's Football Weekly has covered it in detail. The latest in Australia is that a number of the women's team have applied for asylum. Five have been granted visas already, a further two applying. The five initial players, led by the captain Zara Gandbari, were formally granted protection in Australia by Home Affairs Minister Tony Burke on Tuesday morning. They've been given temporary humanitarian visas offering a pathway to permanent residency and have already been given a chance to train with the A League women's side, the Brisbane Roar. It Follows protesters trying to block the team bus leaving for the airport. It's unclear what's happening with the rest of the squad at this stage. Did we all see the story of the. A slightly different attack? The Barcelona fan who went to the wrong St. James's park and ended up in Exeter rather than Newcastle to for the Barca game, but Exeter were playing Lincoln, so he did see that. Lincoln won 1 nil to extend their lead at the top. It's a slightly different results, although, you know, our friend Adam Hurry from football cliche says he doesn't believe it.
Barry Glendenning
I don't believe it.
Max Rushden
Can't be.
Barry Glendenning
It sounds far too implausible.
Max Rushden
Yeah. At some point you'd notice, wouldn't you? At some point it does come up.
Archie Rintoul
If you're typing it in on. On maps, would you like the Newcastle or Exeter version? And you would think that given that Barcelona were playing Newcastle, if he's driven there and he's using some sort of old sat nav device.
Max Rushden
Right, yeah.
Archie Rintoul
Then I have some understanding for it because they can sometimes, you know, just take you there and. And you don't see the town name.
Max Rushden
That's true. There were the satnav days where people would just drive into a lake, wouldn't they, and go, well, the satnav took me here at some point. At what point when you entered the lake, did you not think, this is probably not where I want to be.
Barry Glendenning
Although, to be fair, while I don't believe this story, I am very much a hostage to sat nav. If I'm driving, I will do whatever it tells me, no matter how much the evidence I can see in front of my own eyes suggests I shouldn't perhaps take herself at her word.
Nicky Bandini
Nikki, when I used to live in Stratford in East London, I definitely had a conversation with a group of American tourists who wanted me to point them to William Shakespeare's house, which of course is in a very different Stratford. So it definitely happens. I mean, that was a few years ago. Maybe the Google maps weren't as strong then, but it was. Yeah. Definitely a thing.
Max Rushden
Robbie says my dad went to his grave firmly belie believing Barry was one of Ireland's greatest exports. Happy birthday, Baz. Thank you. There we are. No higher praise there, Baz.
Barry Glendenning
John, I'm just curious to know, were they his dad's last words?
Max Rushden
Let's not push it. Happy birthday, Barry says. John, some time ago on Football Weekly, you said you only washed your hair three times a year. I've always wondered, what were the special occasions that prompted your use of shampoo. Is your birthday one of them?
Barry Glendenning
Them? No. I couldn't tell you the last time I washed my hair to be honest. I. I actually don't own a bottle of shampoo or conditioner and I know Wilson also lives in similar follicle related squalor.
Max Rushden
Right.
Barry Glendenning
So I just, I don't wash my hair. And to be fair, I'm 53 today. I'm still not gray and I still have a full thatch. So maybe just something to be said for it.
Archie Rintoul
Can I just say, you know, in tribute to Barry the yeah, he's still alive. True that. I just realized today that this is really random. I always think of him when I have a banana because I think you did a bit. It was either on here or on Talk Sports where Barry was like, I spoke to a fitness professional who told me that you should never have a banana after 3pm and so every time I have a banana I think if Barry's banana advice, I'm saying, is it after 3pm oh, I'm risking it. I'm risking it a bit. And I just thought the amount of hours I've listened to Baz talk about football and this is the thing that stays in my head.
Barry Glendenning
I don't remember ever saying that. I'm not saying I didn't.
Max Rushden
Oh no, we can't be one of those podcasts where we dole out fake health advice. You know, that's. That's not us, is it? I think, Archie, if you want to eat a banana after 3 o', clock, fill your boots is what I would say. Yoakim says, can I just wish Barry a happy birthday? Very humbly ad today is my birthday. A couple of years ago he congratulated me on X before it went to. I really appreciated it. Lots of love from Norway and Jody said. I remember starting to listen to Football Weekly during what my memory suggests was the 2010 World Cup. Having just discovered podcasts, I was thrilled to see that Jimbo was heading up this excellent weekly and then BI Weekly pod, having previously assumed that Channel 4 had locked him in a basement somewhere. After the demise of Football Italia, when Jimbo left to go to the dark side, I spread myself thin, listening to both Max on Football Weekly and James on, well, that other show. But alas, it was all too much and a difficult decision was made to ditch the man who lulled me into the world of football podcasts in favor of the new Rushton guard. I've never regretted it for a minute, not missing a single episode to this day. Oh And Barry was there too. Happy birthday, Barry. Thank you, Jody.
Barry Glendenning
Thank you.
Max Rushden
And Ollie says, regarding Roy Hodgson's tour of Wiltshire. Hi, Max. And car. You can imagine my surprise. I was listening to the latest pod for my home of Lacock to get a mention. I'm used to hearing and seeing the Village on TV and film thanks to its rich cinematic history. But I didn't know it was on the tour checklist of former England managers. Who's going to be next? Will I be seeing Gareth in his waistcoat in the bakery or Fabio Capello in the pub? I was wondering where. Whether anyone on the panel today has an anecdote about seeing footballing royalty out and about in the wild where you least expect them. On a more serious note, do we think Roy is a National Trust member? Keep up the good work. Well, I mean, I've told him before, but I did bump into Damien Duff at the Wildlife Photography of the Year exhibition at the Natural History Museum. I was not expecting to see Damien Duff there, but that's the most in the wild I remember.
Barry Glendenning
See, I. I reckon I've probably bumped into loads of footballers in the wild, but unless they're wearing full kit and have their name written across their shoulders, I'm not going to recognize them out of context. You're right.
Max Rushden
You did a six week cruise with Sergio Ramos and didn't have a clue, did you? You know that then. That's the way it goes. Yes, Archie.
Archie Rintoul
I thought I saw Alan Neal in Germany and I didn't. Wow.
Max Rushden
Of all the bombshells to end today. It can't get better than that.
Barry Glendenning
Well, you can. You can indulge me on my birthday by allowing me to mention once again that I had a pint with Kylie Minogue and Michael Hutchinson. Didn't know who I was talking to.
Max Rushden
Yeah, it's very impressive. That's at the height of their famous. Yes, yes. The absolute height of their fame.
Nicky Bandini
Did they know? Anyway, they were regular listeners.
Max Rushden
Of course. They love the pod. They were like, I love the pod. Why do you never mention Bristol City? That's what Kylie said. Anyway, that'll do for today. Thanks, everybody. Everybody. Thank you, Nikki.
Nicky Bandini
Thanks.
Max Rushden
Thanks, Archie.
Archie Rintoul
Cheers, Max.
Max Rushden
Thank you, Barry.
Barry Glendenning
Thank you.
Max Rushden
Football Weekly is produced by Ian Chambers and Jesse Howard. Our executive producer is Joel Grove. Me and Barry are off to Texas to crack America. We will be releasing that special live pod at some point, but Robin Cowan will be in charge for the next two. Don't be too good, please, Robin, thank you so much. And we'll be back.
Barry Glendenning
I bet she'll remember to mention the Europa League and Europa Conference League match
Max Rushden
Robin will be back on Monday. This is the Guardian.
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In this lively and irreverent episode, host Max Rushden is joined by Barry Glendenning (on his 53rd birthday), Archie Rintoul, and Nicky Bandini to dissect a rough week for English clubs in the Champions League, analyzing notable matches involving Manchester City, Chelsea, and Arsenal. The panel also celebrates Bodo/Glimt’s latest European heroics, discusses key talking points in the Premier League and European football, and closes with lighter moments, personal anecdotes, and listener questions.
Discussion Highlights
Valverde’s Hat Trick Steals the Show
Courtois and the Importance of Quality Goalkeepers
Real Madrid’s “Switch-On” Factor in Europe
Memorable Quote
“He literally is running past Trent Alexander Arnold, he puts his hand on his shoulder... You're scoring a hat trick at one end, and then running back to make that sliding challenge at the other. That's the picture of a captain’s performance.”
— Nicky Bandini on Valverde’s all-action showing (09:47)
Key Segment:
Discussion Highlights
Chelsea’s Performance Broken Down
Jorgensen’s Night – From Hero to Villain
PSG’s Outrageous Attacking Talent
Ball Boy Simulation
Memorable Quote
“Is Kvaratskelia just this incredible mirror to our psyches? In Napoli, everyone called him Maradona. But Max looks at him and sees Steve Claridge. Barney sees Shaggy from Scooby Doo. You see what you want in Kvaratskelia.”
— Nicky Bandini (21:41)
Key Segment:
Discussion Highlights
The Match and Its Margins
Arsenal’s Lack of Freedom?
Is It Enough?
Memorable Quote
“It's not reliant on the feel of the game from the referee, it's reliant on which slow-mo replay you get.”
— Archie Rintoul, on the penalty (30:37)
Key Segment:
Discussion Highlights
Comprehensive and Historic Victory
A Team with Familiar Faces (Now!)
Joy in the Details
Memorable Quote
“If you'd asked me at the start of the season to name a single Bodo/Glimt player, I wouldn't have been able to. Now all these names are familiar. They're just so good... I really hope they win the Champions League.”
— Barry Glendenning (35:38)
Key Segment:
Weekend Preview
Other Footballing Stories
Valverde Hat Trick React:
“When you see a goal like that... your instinct is just to start laughing—it’s so outrageous.” – Nicky Bandini (02:59)
Chelsea v PSG:
"Every time I think with Vitinia, he's about to lose the ball is the most dangerous point." – Archie Rintoul (19:07)
Arsenal’s Tight Nerves:
"They look tight, they look almost too worried about everything. ...Maybe letting that handbrake up a tiny bit is what Arsenal need." – Nicky Bandini (32:13)
Bodo/Glimt’s Surge:
“They're so well organized in the fence. They're not afraid to sally forth on the attack.” – Barry Glendenning (35:38)
Humour & Satire:
The pod remains characteristically sharp, dry, and self-aware, granting both astute footballing insight and plenty of light-hearted detours. Playful jabs, self-deprecation, community jokes, and observational wit feature heavily, making nuanced analysis entertaining even when discussing grim weeks for English clubs.
This episode offers an entertaining yet thorough take on the midweek European results and the wider football landscape, balancing tactical rigor with the Guardian Football Weekly’s trademark banter and audience engagement. It’s an essential listen for those wanting both football insight and levity.