Episode Overview
Title: Grief, Truth & Becoming a Better Man: John DeDakis Opens Up
Podcast: For Good with Joseph "JoJo" Simmons
Date: November 18, 2025
Guest: John DeDakis – Award-winning journalist, novelist, writing coach
JoJo Simmons sits down with veteran journalist and novelist John DeDakis for a soul-level exploration of grief, resilience, truth in storytelling, and personal growth. The conversation weaves between John’s celebrated newsroom career, transformative personal losses, perspectives on journalism’s evolution, the interplay between fact and fiction, and the ongoing journey of healing and becoming a better man.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Introducing John DeDakis
- [02:26] John describes himself now as "a novelist, a writing coach, a manuscript editor and a motivational speaker."
- JoJo underscores John's multifaceted career but highlights what truly stands out: John's heart and openness about grief and healing.
2. Inside the CNN Newsroom
- [03:37] John shares the high-pressure reality of CNN’s Situation Room:
- News direction could "change all throughout the day, including while the show was on the air."
- Praises Wolf Blitzer’s unflappable demeanor: “He’s a pro’s pro, a journalist’s journalist.” [04:08]
- Memorable moment: The team having to cover Anna Nicole Smith’s sudden death—Wolf pivoting seamlessly from geopolitics to pop culture on live TV. [04:35]
3. The Heart of Good Journalism
- [06:52] John’s loyalty to truth originated in Nixon-era reporting:
- “I’ve always been a big fan of the truth…concerned about being able to hold public officials to account.”
- Transitioning to fiction provided creative release but always anchored John’s "journalistic" values—clarity, accuracy, and succinctness.
4. Journalism’s Evolution & Challenges
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[08:16] John addresses journalism’s "devolution" in the internet era:
- Content is no longer always scrutinized: "Anyone with a phone who pushes send or post is a publisher, but there’s no one on their shoulder going, where’d you get that? How do you know that’s true?"
- A deluge of falsehoods, sometimes "coming from the administration, from the president himself," makes accountability vital.
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[10:40] For young journalists:
- “No one side has the absolute corner on the truth.”
- Job is “to get the facts, be accurate, be clear, be fair,” and be willing to talk to those you may not agree with.
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[12:21] Editorial opinion has a place, but fact-reporting "is a whole different" responsibility.
5. Shifting from Nonfiction to Fiction
- [13:37] John’s foray into fiction was born from necessity and personal boundaries:
- Attempted a biography on a murdered friend, but the project strained family and personal relationships.
- With encouragement, he poured his research and creative passion into fiction: “I needed a creative outlet…I just started to fictionalize it and embellish.” [13:37]
6. Writing Through a Woman’s Eyes
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[16:16] Lark Chadwick series, centered on a young female journalist, draws from John’s work with talented young women at CNN:
- “Emotions are not gender-specific…women in my life are more willing to share their emotions and are more articulate about the emotions.”
- [17:31] Insights from women at work: “Being a woman, at least in part, means playing defense.”
- Regularly used his network of women as "beta readers" to maintain authenticity.
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[18:51] “I think I’m a better man for this. I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned just by listening. Guys need to listen to the women in their life.” —John DeDakis
7. Fiction vs. Journalism for Emotional Truth
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[20:03] Fiction enables digging deeper:
- "Journalism is for the most part just the facts."
- Oprah’s legacy: legitimizing emotion and the human story in news.
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[21:10] JoJo: “Emotion is a chance for real human connection…when you can read that emotion on a page, you can connect to something.”
8. Experiencing and Processing Profound Grief
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[22:31] John’s personal losses:
- Lost his sister to suicide (1980).
- Lost his youngest son to a heroin overdose at 22 (2011).
- “Profound loss affects you…and it never goes away. It’s part of what defines me.” —John DeDakis [22:31]
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[23:35] Grieving Process:
- Describes Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief.
- References "finding meaning" as a sixth stage (citing David Kessler), which resonates with John’s own journey—processing grief through writing his novels.
9. Grieving, Crying, and Gender
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[25:39] "There’s no one way to grieve, and there’s no right way to grieve."
- Encourages men to give themselves permission to cry.
- [26:04] Unaddressed male grief and rage: “If you don’t cry…it stays inside. It festers. It corrodes to the point where…the tears have become bullets.”
-
[27:36] JoJo: “It’s like a weight off your shoulder when you cry…it’s powerful. I think crying is more powerful than conversation sometimes.”
10. Mental Health—Breaking the Silence
- [29:15] John’s family history with mental illness, the lack of earlier awareness/treatment, and writing about these themes in his work.
- [31:40] Mental illness as a human, non-partisan issue: “I am not saying the other side is crazy…mental illness has, I think, permeated our political process…It’s a human condition.”
11. Marriage as Life’s Greatest Achievement
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[32:55] John names staying married for 47+ years as his proudest accomplishment—especially following a child’s death.
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[33:05] “Love’s not a feeling. Love’s a choice…we got through it together as a team…we weren’t going to be able to fix the other person.”
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[34:13] JoJo commends John: “Not a lot of men credit their proudest moment to their marriage…there’s no more realer man.”
12. For Good—Defining a Life of Purpose
- [36:08] John describes "for good" as the Golden Rule:
- “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
- Self-care is essential: “If you black out, you’re no good to your kid…being good to yourself and then being mindful of what others need as well.”
13. Mental Health Practices
- [38:03] John’s personal tools:
- Journaling: “I journal every day…that’s why I’m not in grief counseling anymore, because my grief counselor…said, you don’t need me anymore. You’re asking yourself all the right questions.”
- Mindfulness: Focuses on being present, “because we spend all our time regretting the past or fearing the future and we’re no good in the moment.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On the impact of grief:
“Profound loss affects you and it never goes away. It's part of what defines me.”
—John DeDakis [00:20 & 22:31] -
On storytelling and truth:
“I've always been a big fan of the truth…right from the beginning I was concerned about being able to hold public officials to account.”
—John DeDakis [06:52] -
On writing as a woman:
“Emotions are not gender specific. We all have the exact same emotions…guys need to listen to the women in their life.”
—John DeDakis [16:16 & 18:51] -
On grief and emotional release:
"If you don’t cry…It stays inside. It festers. It corrodes to the point where when it surfaces, the tears have become bullets.”
—John DeDakis [26:04] -
On marriage and love:
“Love’s not a feeling. Love’s a choice…marriages often don’t survive the death of a child. We got through it together as a team.”
—John DeDakis [32:55 & 33:05] -
On living “for good”:
“For good means being good to yourself and then being mindful of what others need as well.”
—John DeDakis [36:08] -
On mental health routines:
“I journal every day…I’m learning…to concentrate on the moment because that’s the only part of the day I can control.”
—John DeDakis [38:03] -
On realness and masculinity:
“Not a lot of men credit their proudest moment to their marriage…there’s no more realer man than a man that makes the choice to do right by their woman.”
—JoJo Simmons [34:13]
Timestamps for Crucial Segments
- [02:26] How John introduces himself today
- [03:37] Behind the scenes at CNN’s Situation Room; handling breaking news chaos
- [06:52] Foundational values in journalism and truth
- [08:16] Journalism’s “devolution” in the age of social media
- [13:37] Creative evolution: nonfiction to fiction
- [16:16] Writing through a woman’s perspective; lessons learned
- [22:31] Losing his sister and son; the lingering presence of grief
- [25:39] No right way to grieve, and men needing to cry
- [29:15] Mental health and representation in narrative
- [32:55] What matters most: Sustaining a marriage through hardship
- [36:08] Defining “for good”
- [38:03] John’s mindfulness and journaling practices for mental health
Resources Mentioned
- John DeDakis’s Lark Chadwick mystery series
- Enemies Domestic (novel; deals directly with mental illness and current events)
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle [40:02]
- Success Through Stillness by Russell Simmons [39:00]
- David Kessler’s book on grief: Finding Meaning [23:56]
- JohnDeDakis.com for more about John’s writing, speaking, and coaching [41:39]
Summary & Takeaways
This episode is a profound, emotionally honest reflection on grief, mental health, masculinity, and the enduring value of empathy and truth. John DeDakis’s journey through personal tragedy, career transformation, and marriage resilience offers listeners practical wisdom and permission to embrace vulnerability. Both John and JoJo break the silence on topics too often glossed over for men—crying, loss, choosing love, and the persistent necessity of taking care of one’s own mental wellness.
Themes for listeners:
- There is no “correct” way to grieve; men must feel empowered to process pain openly.
- Truth and empathy—whether in journalism, fiction, or life—demand curiosity and humility.
- Caring for yourself is the first step toward caring for others, building legacy, and living “for good.”