Forever35 Podcast Episode 330: "That’s Totally Normal" with Emily Nagoski

Release Date: November 25, 2024
Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu

Introduction

In Episode 330 of Forever35, hosts Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu delve into the often-overlooked journey of midlife and menopause with renowned sex educator and author Emily Nagoski. This insightful episode blends humor, personal anecdotes, and expert knowledge to illuminate the complexities of the menopausal transition, emphasizing self-care and body positivity.

1. Welcoming Emily Nagoski

[07:11] Doree Shafrier:
Emily Nagoski, a repeat guest on Forever35, is introduced as a leading voice in sex education and women's health. The hosts highlight her extensive background, including her books Burnout, Come as You Are, and Come Together: The Science and Art of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.

Notable Quote:
Doree: "She's a repeat guest... Emily Nagoski is the well-known sex educator who has become somewhat of an expert on the menopausal transition."

2. Understanding Menopause and Perimenopause

The conversation begins with defining menopause and perimenopause, clarifying common misconceptions.

[13:08] Emily Nagoski:
"Menopause is technically when you've gone 12 months without a period. Perimenopause is the extended period, anywhere from a couple of years to a dozen years, where you experience increasing irregularity in your menstrual cycle."

Notable Quote:
Emily: "This is just like a really bonkers banana pants phase of life for anybody who's got a uterus."

3. Recognizing Symptoms and Seeking Help

Emily emphasizes the importance of recognizing menopausal symptoms and consulting healthcare providers.

[20:19] Doree Shafrier:
"Why do you think it's important for people to be aware that they're in perimenopause?"

[20:26] Emily Nagoski:
"Recognizing that things that are happening to your body and your mind are normal... My self-care is breathing in and breathing out, noticing the state of my system."

Notable Quote:
Emily: "If you're feeling that level of like this is not okay. That is an accurate assessment of how not okay this is."

4. The Impact of Menopause on Sexual Health

The discussion shifts to how menopause affects sexual desire, arousal, and overall sexual health.

[32:05] Elise Hu:
"In your latest book, Come Together, you argue that we should pursue pleasure instead of passion. Can you clarify the difference?"

[32:38] Emily Nagoski:
"When we center pleasure instead of desire, all of the other puzzle pieces fall into place... People who sustain a strong sexual connection talk about authenticity, vulnerability, empathy, and pleasure."

Notable Quote:
Emily: "Forget about spontaneous desire. Let it be responsive. Put your body in the bed, let your skin touch your partner's skin, and your body’s going to interpret that as pleasurable."

5. Personal Reflections and Coping Strategies

Emily shares her personal journey through perimenopause, coping with long COVID, and embracing self-compassion.

[42:54] Emily Nagoski:
"I have been confronting the expectations I had for my body that it no longer meets... Practicing self-compassion has been crucial."

Notable Quote:
Emily: "I'm going to be really gentle and patient and kind with myself the way I would be with my dog trundling up the stairs."

6. Practical Advice for Navigating Menopause

The episode concludes with actionable advice for listeners experiencing menopause.

[22:25] Emily Nagoski:
"If you're having symptoms, ask if they are typical. What interventions have a low risk of unwanted consequences... Adding estrogen in some form can be really helpful for genital urinary symptoms."

Notable Quote:
Emily: "Talk to a medical provider about things like sleep, which is so fundamentally important to our overall health if you are having those difficulties."

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Hosts express gratitude towards Emily for her openness and vulnerability, reinforcing the episode's theme of embracing change with compassion and self-awareness.

[46:26] Elise Hu:
"Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us during this inflection time."

Notable Quote:
Emily: "It is absolutely a gift for me to be able to talk about this in hopes that it might help somebody else be like, oh, that's normal."

Resources Mentioned

• Books by Emily Nagoski:

  • Burnout
  • Come as You Are
  • Come Together: The Science and Art of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections

• Recommended Reading on Menopause:

  • Heather Corinna's What Fresh Hell Is This?
  • We Will Rest: The Art of Escape by Tricia Hersey
  • Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

• Emily Nagoski's Platforms:

  • Website: emilynagoski.com
  • Substack: Emily Nagoski's Substack
  • Instagram: @emilynagoski

Key Takeaways

1. Understanding the Phases:
   Menopause is a gradual process marked by the end of menstrual cycles, while perimenopause encompasses the transitional years leading up to it.

2. Normalizing Symptoms:
   Recognizing menopausal symptoms as a natural part of aging helps in managing them effectively without undue stress.

3. Shifting Focus to Pleasure:
   Emphasizing pleasure over the traditional narrative of maintaining passion can lead to more fulfilling and authentic sexual experiences.

4. Self-Compassion is Crucial:
   Being gentle and patient with oneself during the menopausal transition fosters mental and emotional well-being.

5. Open Communication with Healthcare Providers:
   Discussing symptoms and treatment options with medical professionals is essential for managing menopause effectively.

Quotes with Timestamps

• [07:11] Doree Shafrier:
  "She's a repeat guest... Emily Nagoski is the well-known sex educator who has become somewhat of an expert on the menopausal transition."

• [13:26] Emily Nagoski:
  "This is just like a really bonkers banana pants phase of life for anybody who's got a uterus."

• [20:26] Emily Nagoski:
  "If you're feeling that level of like this is not okay. That is an accurate assessment of how not okay this is."

• [32:38] Emily Nagoski:
  "Forget about spontaneous desire. Let it be responsive... your brain's going to interpret that as pleasurable."

• [42:54] Emily Nagoski:
  "Practicing self-compassion has been crucial."

• [46:26] Elise Hu:
  "Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us during this inflection time."

• [47:19] Emily Nagoski:
  "It is absolutely a gift for me to be able to talk about this in hopes that it might help somebody else be like, oh, that's normal."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Forever35 serves as a compassionate guide for those navigating midlife and menopause. Emily Nagoski's expert insights, coupled with personal reflections, offer listeners both understanding and practical strategies to embrace this natural life transition with grace and positivity.

Connect with Forever35:

• Website: forever35podcast.com
• Instagram: @forever35podcast
• Patreon: patreon.com/forever35
• Shop: shopmyus/forever35
• Newsletter Sign-Up: forever35podcast.com/newsletter
• Contact:
  • Phone/Text: 781-591-0390
  • Email: forever35podcastmail.com

Follow Emily Nagoski:

• Website: emilynagoski.com
• Substack: Emily Nagoski's Substack
• Instagram: @emilynagoski

This summary captures the essence of Episode 330, providing a comprehensive overview for both regular listeners and newcomers seeking valuable insights into midlife and menopause.