Episode 333: Taking Stock with Jenny Yang

Summary

Forever35 Season Finale: Taking Stock with Jenny Yang

Episode 333: Released December 16, 2024

In the season finale of Forever35, hosts Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu engage in a heartfelt and humorous conversation with Jenny Yang, a Taiwan-born Los Angeles-based stand-up comedian and TV writer. This episode delves deep into themes of self-care, burnout, fertility struggles, community building, and social activism, providing listeners with insightful reflections and practical advice for navigating the complexities of self-care and personal growth.

---

1. Introduction to Jenny Yang

Timestamp: [10:38]

Elise introduces Jenny Yang, highlighting her impressive credentials:

• Jenny Yang: Taiwan-born, Los Angeles-raised stand-up comedian and TV writer.
• Recognized as one of Variety's "Top 10 Comics to Watch."
• Starred opposite Michelle Yeoh in the Netflix series The Brothers Sun.
• Hosted the monthly stage show Self Help Me, a competitive self-care comedy show.

Jenny's multifaceted career and her recent projects set the stage for a candid discussion on personal and professional challenges.

---

2. Personal Updates and Holiday Plans

Timestamp: [02:17 - 05:56]

The conversation begins with the hosts sharing their holiday plans:

• Elise discusses her hectic Christmas shopping, preparing matching Christmas pajamas for her family, and traveling abroad to celebrate her parents' 45th wedding anniversary.
• Doree talks about spending the holidays with her family, planning a large family vacation for next December, and engaging in festive activities like ice skating and visiting Christmas light displays with her son, Beau.

These exchanges establish a warm, relatable atmosphere as the trio transitions into deeper topics.

---

3. Navigating Self-Care and Burnout

Timestamp: [16:52 - 27:45]

Jenny opens up about her recent struggles with burnout:

• Jenny describes herself as “a burnt out baddie trying to live a soft life” (17:27).
• She shares her journey of recognizing burnout through overexertion and the toll it took on her mental and emotional well-being.
• Emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, such as negotiating sleep preferences with her partner to ensure mutual respect and comfort (19:10).
• Discusses the necessity of decluttering both personal and professional life to realign with her core values and interests.
• Highlights the role of externalizing emotional burdens through practices like journaling and vision mapping to gain clarity and direction.

Notable Quote:

"A soft life means that, because you're aligned, because your boundaries are drawn, because you have the foundation of who you are and what you're living for in place, things can be softer." — Jenny Yang (17:27)

---

4. The Fertility Journey and Public Sharing

Timestamp: [29:51 - 38:35]

Jenny courageously shares her personal fertility struggles:

• Jenny recounts her experience with miscarriage and ongoing IVF treatments since 2022, describing the emotional and physical challenges she faced (31:25).
• She details her decision to publicly document her fertility journey through satirical Instagram posts mimicking pregnancy announcements. These posts, featuring gestures like holding her belly and using letter boards with phrases like "two miscarriages," were designed to attract support and connect with others facing similar struggles.
• Jenny reflects on the mixed reactions, including well-meaning but misguided congratulations from strangers and genuine support from close friends. This public sharing became a pivotal part of her healing process, fostering a sense of community and reducing feelings of isolation.

Notable Quote:

"I had to unburden myself... making what I've been carrying as an emotional load external." — Jenny Yang (31:39)

---

5. Building Community and Social Activism

Timestamp: [38:35 - 45:29]

Transitioning from personal healing to broader social engagement, Jenny discusses the importance of community:

• Jenny underscores the significance of knowing one's community and political home to foster positive social change. She advises identifying and connecting with like-minded individuals who can support and amplify each other’s efforts (42:36).
• She highlights strategies for sustaining activism beyond initial movements, such as initiating regular meetups with trusted friends to maintain social connections and share resources.
• Emphasizes collective action as a form of resistance against systemic challenges, advocating for a shift from individualism to community-centered approaches.

Notable Quote:

"Just knowing who are those people that you're connected to and who you can influence... that's important." — Jenny Yang (43:15)

---

6. Hosts' Intentions and Closing Remarks

Timestamp: [47:06 - 52:17]

As the episode concludes, the hosts share their personal intentions for the upcoming year:

• Doree expresses her intention to return to vision boarding and start a tennis newsletter, aiming for realignment and embracing passion projects.
• Elise focuses on reflection and family time, mentioning her regular sessions with a Jungian analyst and the importance of maintaining strong family bonds.

They extend warm holiday wishes to their listeners, encouraging them to reach out and share their own experiences, fostering a sense of community and mutual support.

Notable Quote:

"We all have enough things to deal with. That's the challenge. America's really tough to live in..." — Jenny Yang (44:27)

---

Conclusion

This episode of Forever35 serves as a comprehensive reflection on personal resilience and the power of community. Jenny Yang’s openness about her burnout and fertility journey provides valuable insights into self-care and the importance of setting boundaries. Her advocacy for community building and collective action offers practical guidance for listeners seeking to make meaningful social changes. The heartfelt exchanges between Jenny and the hosts encapsulate the essence of Forever35: navigating self-care with humor, self-awareness, and a strong sense of community.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

1. Jenny Yang: "A soft life means that, because you're aligned, because your boundaries are drawn, because you have the foundation of who you are and what you're living for in place, things can be softer." (17:27)

2. Jenny Yang: "I had to unburden myself... making what I've been carrying as an emotional load external." (31:39)

3. Jenny Yang: "Just knowing who are those people that you're connected to and who you can influence... that's important." (43:15)

4. Jenny Yang: "We all have enough things to deal with. That's the challenge. America's really tough to live in..." (44:27)

---

Connect with Jenny Yang:

• TikTok: @jennyyangtv
• Instagram: @jennyyangtv
• Email List: JennyYangTV.com
• Upcoming Tours and Content: Stay tuned to her social media for updates on tours and new projects.

Stay Connected with Forever35:

• Website: forever35podcast.com
• Instagram: @Forever35Podcast
• Patreon: patreon.com/Forever35
• Shop: ShopmyUSForever35
• Newsletter: Sign up at forever35podcast.com/newsletter
• Contact: Call/Text 781-591-0390 or email at [e-mail]

Thank you for tuning into Forever35. Wishing you a safe and joyful holiday season!

Transcript

[Sleep Number Ad]

They say opposites attract. That's why the Sleep number smart bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm but they want soft. Sleep number does that. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep number does that too. Why choose a sleep number smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. And now it's the lowest price of the season on the top selling i8 smart bed your best savings plus special financing limited time shop a sleep number store near you. See store or sleepnumber.com for details. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era or yoga era, dive into peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kids game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton visit1peloton.com.

[Dory Shafrir]

Hello and welcome to Forever 35, a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I'm Dory Shafrier.

[Elise Hu]

And I'm Elise Hu.

[Jenny Yang]

And we are two friends who like.

[Elise Hu]

To talk a lot about serums.

[Jenny Yang]

And this is the last interview episode.

[Elise Hu]

Of 2024 for us.

[Jenny Yang]

The last fresh one.

[Elise Hu]

We will have something special in store for you for the next two weeks, but this is the last sort of new interview that we have for forever 35 in 2024.

[Dory Shafrir]

Wild.

[Elise Hu]

I can't believe the time has gone by so fast. I know Kate stepped away at the end of May. I jumped in summer for our trial.

[Jenny Yang]

Run and then came on formally in the fall.

[Elise Hu]

And here we are. And the year is just gone.

[Dory Shafrir]

The year's just gone. I know it's a little scary.

[Elise Hu]

Time is a flat circle, man.

[Dory Shafrir]

Time is a flat circle. How's everything going?

[Elise Hu]

Good. I am going to be traveling for the holidays, so I have. I've been doing a lot of like, furious Christmas shopping for my relatives. Like my, well, relatives really. My brother, my nuclear family, my family of origin, my brother and his wife.

[Jenny Yang]

And my nieces and nephews.

[Elise Hu]

And I also am packing up our matching Christmas pajamas so we have them for the five of us when we.

[Dory Shafrir]

Were all together, oh my gosh, abroad.

[Elise Hu]

But overall I'm good. I feel like morale is good.

[Jenny Yang]

We're getting to the end of the year.

[Elise Hu]

We're going to Get a little bit of time off. I'm always down with that. What about you? Give me the update.

[Dory Shafrir]

The update. Well, my. So I know your kids are off next week. My son is not off next week. So he will still have school next week. So I feel like I'm not fully in like holiday mode yet because.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, yay for you to have another week of school.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, I have another week of sort of like normal schedule. So. Yeah, so that, that I'm not, I'm not quite in the same. In the same mode. My sister in law did just reach out to say that she wants to plan like a big family vacation for next December.

[Elise Hu]

Oh wow. She like, she's a real planner. Then where will you all go?

[Jenny Yang]

Where, where is this vacation?

[Dory Shafrir]

So that is the, that is the discussion happening right now. Where will we go? Um, and you know it's, it's three of us kids plus our families, so spouses, five grandchildren and then my parents. So it's a, it's a large group.

[Elise Hu]

I like that. So long as you're not all staying under one roof. I am so. Right.

[Dory Shafrir]

No, no, no. God no.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, we travel this way I guess every year or every couple of years because my parents like to get us all together.

[Dory Shafrir]

Oh, that's so fun.

[Elise Hu]

My parents are celebrating their 45 year wedding anniversary and so we're all gonna be together for that because their anniversary is December 18th and so it's always right around Christmas and every five years we take a family photo. So they have everything from like year zero when it was just the two of them to year five when there was Roger and me, you know, and then year 10, 15, 20 and as our families have expanded. Yeah, they love it. So that's going to be really nice.

[Dory Shafrir]

That's really cool. Yeah. So you know, I, as you know we're not traveling this year and I'm trying to think of some ways to make the holiday season feel special. Haven't come up with much.

[Elise Hu]

Has Henry tried ice skating yet? Because you know the ice skating rink in Santa Monica is open.

[Dory Shafrir]

If they have hot chocolate there, he will 100% be in. If I'm like, you can get hot chocolate at the end, he'll be like, great, I'll do anything. So yeah, we're going to like a one of those like Christmas holiday light extravaganzas this weekend. Yeah, he loves those. So. So that'll be fun too.

[Elise Hu]

I love Christmas lights. I just love, I love like everything getting all lit up and decorated and twinkly and sparkly oh, yeah, he had. He.

[Dory Shafrir]

He also. He loves lights, and he loves cozy, so, like, he loves, you know, strings of light. So he had Halloween lights up in his room for a while, and he recently switched over to his Christmas lights.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, so dear. I like that.

[Dory Shafrir]

It's very. It's very sweet. So. Yeah. Oh, my God. I meant to tell you that I got Beau a Costco. Like, a Costco dog shirt.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, you're gonna have Beau wear clothes? I've. I have been on the fence about this. Like, do I get my dog clothes?

[Dory Shafrir]

So. Bo Love loves clothes. Beau loves getting into clothes. I. I, however, I stupidly did not, like, really look at the size chart, and I think I bought a size too small, so. Oh, it's gonna be paranoid. I know. So I'm like, I either, like, shove him into it, or I have to, like, go through the whole hassle of returning it to Costco, which, you know, is, like, a whole thing. But they do have a very cute, like, Kirkland logo dog shirt.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, that is all you needed to say.

[Dory Shafrir]

So I think Oscar might need girl.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, yeah, he does. He has not worn any clothes before, and this might be his first shirt.

[Dory Shafrir]

This is what I'm saying. You know what? I can bring it. I'm gonna see you tomorrow, actually. I can bring it if you think it will fit Oscar. It will be my gift to him.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Because he's still not full size, right?

[Dory Shafrir]

Exactly. That's what I'm thinking. Like, I actually think at full size, this would not fit him. But maybe for Christmas 2024, it will be perfect.

[Elise Hu]

And then you can be like, oh.

[Dory Shafrir]

This is like his onesie from when he was a baby.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. I'll put it in his scrapbook.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah. You are keeping a scrapbook, right? No, just kidding.

[Elise Hu]

First paw print. I didn't do any of that stuff. I didn't do any of that stuff. And now it's too late. Well, thank you for thinking of Oscar.

[Dory Shafrir]

Oh, my gosh. Well, I just thought of it, so. But I was like, oh, my God, I need to tell Elise. I also sent you today a Reddit post where someone had gone to Costco in Taiwan, which my mom loves. It looks amazing.

[Elise Hu]

I mean, I do feel like, so much good stuff.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Dory Shafrir]

Costco's in other countries are just, like, the coolest.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. They do so much work to supply what locals want, you know? So, like, oh, my gosh. The. The Costcos in Korea had abundant seafood. Just, like, so much fresh seafood. Yeah. And I really miss the seafood Selection at Korea Costco, but then also just like snacks and frozen things and because they all. They try and use local suppliers for Costco's in various regions.

[Dory Shafrir]

Oh, that's very cool.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Yeah. And then Koreans make something called I can't remember. It's essentially a salad with all of the free onions and relish that they give you for the Costco hot dogs.

[Dory Shafrir]

Stop.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, they pile onions and relish on a plate and then put ketchup and mustard all over it before eating. Eating a greasy hot dog. Because the Korean palette is so used to like mixing different textures. Like you're not going to eat Korean barbecue, for example, without having a bunch of banchan, the starter dishes first, like kimchi and sprouts and a lot of like vegetable type things. Ramps and so the equivalent. So Koreans have like found this hack at Korean Costco where they only serve things like chicken, bacon, hot dogs by making a salad out of the free onions and relish.

[Dory Shafrir]

Okay, that is next level.

[Elise Hu]

It's so cool.

[Dory Shafrir]

Genius.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. And Maddie, my ex husband noticed this. He wrote a piece about it for the LA Times. I'll have to find it and link it to y'all and see if I don't know. Everything's so paywalled, so who knows whether we can even share it. But it's very cool. I can't remember what it's called. If it's called like Costco salad or Costco kimchi. Maybe it's called Costco kimchi, but it is very fun. It's a fun tradition.

[Dory Shafrir]

That is so cool. I love that so much.

[Elise Hu]

I'm glad you brought up Taiwan actually, because Jenny Yang, today's guest is Taiwan born.

[Dory Shafrir]

What a great segue. Yes. She's amazing. And yeah. Do you want to introduce her?

[Jenny Yang]

Sure. She is a Taiwan born, Los Angeles.

[Elise Hu]

Raised stand up comedian and TV writer.

[Jenny Yang]

You have probably seen the work of.

[Elise Hu]

Jenny Yang or seen Jenny Yang or she's on your feeds already.

[Jenny Yang]

She was named one of Variety's top.

[Elise Hu]

10 comics to watch. She recently starred opposite the great Michelle Yeoh as an assassin in the Netflix action comedy drama the Brothers Sun. She for many years hosted a monthly stage show called Self Help Me, a competitive self care comedy show. So she is an ideal guest for us. Door. You can find her online in many places which she will mention at the end of our interview.

[Dory Shafrir]

You know, before we get to Jenny and take a little break, I do just want to remind everyone that you can Visit our website forever35podcast.com. We have links there to everything we mentioned on the show. You can follow us on Instagram @Fever35podcast our patreon is at patreon.com Forever35 our favorite products are at Shopmy US Forever35 and you can sign up for the Forever35 newsletter at forever35podcast.com newsletter and please call text us 781-591-0390 email us at forever35podcastmail.com. Don't forget about us over the holidays. Send us texts, send us call in, send us emails. Let us know how your holidays are going. Did anything funny happen? Did anything weird happen? Did anything awkward happen?

[Elise Hu]

Did you see any free bowlers?

[Dory Shafrir]

We want to know. We want to know all.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, the lines will be available and open even if we are not putting out fresh episodes.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes. Okay. Now we will take a break and when we return we will be chatting with Jenny. We'll be right back.

[Jenny Yang]

We'll be right back.

[Dory Shafrir]

Let's make a resolution to save more money in 2025. I gotta say, every year we make resolutions. Some we stick, some we don't. I've tried to keep my desk clean and yeah, never quite make it through the year. Never quite make it through the month. But when you can make things automatic, that's how you make resolutions stick. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids and your retirement. With just five minutes, you can set up a healthy money habit that takes others years to learn. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change. You don't need to feel like financial wellness is impossible. Acorns gives you small, simple steps to get you and your money on track. Head to acorns.comforever35 or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future. Today, paid client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promot promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] Forever35 this episode is.

[Jenny Yang]

Brought to you by Better Help. December is all about getting cozy. I already feel cozy whether it means warm beverages, soft blankets or time with your loved ones. And I think you should consider adding therapy to your list too. If you're not already seeing a therapist. Knowing I can talk to somebody about anything has always been a comfort to me when I'm in therapy. Learning coping skills, boundary setting, or even just a little bit more about myself brings me comfort. It's also helped me grow over the years to better know myself. It's strengthened my relationships. It is comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, you can give better help a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient and flexible.

[Elise Hu]

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to.

[Jenny Yang]

Get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with better help. Visit betterhelp.com forever35 today to get 10% off your first month. That's better. H E L p.com forever35.

[Sleep Number Ad]

They say opposites attract. That's why the Sleep Number Smart bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm but they want soft. Sleep number does that. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep Number does that too. Why choose a Sleep Number Smart bed so you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. And now it's the lowest price of the season on the top selling i8 smart bed your best savings plus special financing limited time shop a Sleep Number store near you See store or sleepnumber.com for details. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kids game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with peloton. Find your push. Find your power peloton visit1peloton.com.

[Elise Hu]

Jenny Yang thank you so much for joining us.

[Guest]

I'm so happy to be here. Hi.

[Sleep Number Ad]

Hi.

[Elise Hu]

Well, we start off all of our interviews with the same question, which is especially sort of relevant for you considering you have some takes on this, which is what are you doing for self care lately?

[Guest]

Oh my God, what am I not doing? Is the question. What am I not doing? I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people who think that I take care of myself, but I'm inevitably doing too much and so it always catches up. I was burnt out this summer, you know, relied on TikToks instead of therapy and realized that my TikTok diagnosis is that I am a burnt out baddie trying to live a soft life.

[Elise Hu]

Are you realigned now? Are you living that softer life now?

[Guest]

I am in. Soft life, I think is a. Is a pejorative, it's a derogatory term sometimes. But for me, a soft life means that, like, because you're aligned, because your boundaries are drawn, because you have the foundation of who you are and what you're living for, in place, things can be softer, you know, you can make more room. So a lot of it has been just like taking stock of why am I not happy with my life right now? You know, and then being like, how do I need to align my values with the right people and activities?

[Dory Shafrir]

So what does that look like?

[Guest]

Oh, a lot of screaming and crying for a hot minute and then confronting my partner to be like, I need more of this. Because that's where it starts, right? There's you probably. Whether or not your partner or your close personal people are the ones responsible, they're a part of whatever you're experiencing. Right. You got to give them a heads up.

[Elise Hu]

Oh yeah, you gotta offload because they're gonna be your direct targets for offloading.

[Guest]

They need to know. So that's already happening, you know, like. Like, for example, I had to talk to my partner, Corey. Love him so much about how I sleep because we sleep very differently. You know, he needs to watch television and I don't. And in all of my life, of course, I fall in love with a man who for the first time forces me to watch television before we sleep and he needs it to sleep. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's like little things like that that I think I didn't realize. It was like getting to me and it had to be like, I know this is hard, but I really need this. And it was like, it was, it was good. So he's respected my sleep boundaries ever since. And it's been nice.

[Jenny Yang]

Oh, good.

[Elise Hu]

So it sounds a good example. Yeah, I was gonna say it sounds like your self care then has been just drawing your boundaries, figuring out what they needed to be right and then actually holding to them. Yes.

[Guest]

I think the other thing, other than drawing boundaries and communicating your needs, which is something that's been just like a lifelong journey, it's been reorienting what's important in my life because I think what was happening is the core of who I am. And my values was slowly getting eroded by people or jobs or fixations. Or, you know, the world events. Like anything that stresses you out or makes you unhappy or, you know, doesn't really fuel you.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And it kind of takes from you. And that could be so many things. Right. It could be relationships, it could be world events. So, yeah, I had to be like, okay, I need to declutter all of that. Re. Remember who I am. Takes of how I'm spending my time, whether it's engaging with social media or not, you know, and how. Who are my relationships? Am I in touch with the right people I need to be in touch with? Yeah, for personal reasons and professional reasons. Like, it's a lot. And then I don't know about you, but I work in the entertainment industry and. And I think with a lot of industries, there's been a lot of layoffs, there's been a lot of contraction. And so that's been an issue is to be like, oh, how do I need to rethink my business model? For lack of a better term.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, for surviving.

[Guest]

Right. Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

Journalism. And we were just talking about how precarious it is, like, hey, I have to book my next year or I have to kind of know where my projects are going to be in the next year so that I can, like, pay for my life, you know, and it is. It does feel like a constant hustle. So that's good.

[Guest]

So.

[Elise Hu]

So where are you at now, Jenny? What would you like?

[Jenny Yang]

Vibe check. What would you say your vibe is.

[Elise Hu]

Now as we close out the year?

[Guest]

My vibe is clarity. And that's what I wanted by the end of the year, I think, clarity. I know what my paths are, you know, I think burnout this summer was a lot of like, oh, everything feels fucked with a capital F for sure. Right.

[Elise Hu]

Whatever that means for you.

[Guest]

Whether that's your love life, your whatever, everything in between. And so instead of just a big heavy, everything feels fucked now. Have been able to kind of clear things away to be like, okay, what are you. What is exactly fucked and how fucked is it and how do we get out of that? What are some solutions? You know, I love a solution, love a practical way out of a depressive episode.

[Elise Hu]

Same, same.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah. So. So that's. Frankly, I feel like. And I think a lot of it has been commiserating and talking to friends, you know, and trust. I don't know about you, but during the pandemic, I feel like a lot of. There's been a lot of upheaval with people's social networks and friendships. Right. Professional and personal, you know, people's Values have been forced to realign, I feel like even ever since the Trump administration, even, you know, and I feel like that's just been a constant churn. And I felt that a lot with the pandemic. And so, you know, I think there was a lot of that, right? Of, like, being like, okay, who are my people, really? Who are the people that you can really count on? Who are the people that you still align with your. With your values for? Because when things get harder, you need more of your foundation to be stronger, right?

[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

What do you feel like you took away from this period of burnout, not just in the summer, but just, like, as you've realigned your life and figured out how to recover from being an overachiever, as you have described yourself as?

[Guest]

Yeah, it's like overachiever over producer, overdoer. You know what I call it? I call it. It's not even like I'm an overachiever, so therefore, that's a compliment to myself. It's like. It's a problem.

[Elise Hu]

It's a problem.

[Guest]

And I feel like a lot of women, especially, hold up more than half of their world, and. And it's like, that's. So many people get burned out because of that. And it's like. It's like. I call it the group project problem. Remember in high school how you had to be in group projects? You couldn't choose who you're with, and you knew there were the people who did all the work and the people who didn't do shit.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, right.

[Guest]

What did I learn?

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, just your takeaways. Because it seems like you are on the other side.

[Guest]

I am more on the other side. More who? You know, we should not have had this conversation even three months ago.

[Elise Hu]

Wow.

[Guest]

Okay. She was vision boarding. She was journaling. I still am.

[Elise Hu]

There's nothing wrong with that. I'm a lifelong journaler.

[Guest]

Yeah, no, it's good. It's a. It's a really, like, reliable tool to, like, know yourself. Right.

[Dory Shafrir]

And also vision boarding. Vision boarding is so. It's so calming because you're kind of like you're projecting this image of who you want to be in the future and, like, kind of tangibly. There's something powerful about, like, tangibly putting down that imagery that I really like. I used to make a vision board every New Year's, and you know what? I haven't done that in a few years, and maybe that's why my life is, like, kind of going awry.

[Guest]

Yeah. Oh, no.

[Elise Hu]

Because of the vision board.

[Dory Shafrir]

The lens. I haven't been vision boarding, so, you know, I think there is something to it. Yeah. What was on your vision board? Like what was happening?

[Guest]

Well, it's. It's not so much a vision board, but it's more of a sticky note conversation, a mapping of life and ambitions. Wasn't until the summer when I had my burnout and I had to stop everything, I'd found a therapist, that I actually did this thing that my friend had done with her, which is to sit down with a trusted friend and talk through what are the things that you care about, what are the things that you're working on, what are the things that you were working on, you know, and just map everything. If it feels over. It's like a brain dump of stuff. And then you can get a bigger picture of themes and sort of where you want to be and where you're at.

[Elise Hu]

And this is just a good friend. This wasn't like an executive coach or something that was working with you on this.

[Guest]

No, it's a good friend. I worked with her because I was trying to kind of help her with some like, website stuff. And she's Chef Wendy, Wendy Zhang, in case you're curious. And she had her trusted business partner sit down and do this process with her. And she used to actually work at a corporate, in a corporate situation where she probably did this actually with her team, you know, but once you kind of map out all the different things that you, you want or that you've been doing projects that you've want to do, then you take a look and you group them in a little map and you kind of see like, what are some themes? So it's, it's both a thing to be like, oh, this is who I am, this is what I'm about. But also you can sit there and, and think through what are some words to describe where I am in my life and who I am.

[Elise Hu]

Right.

[Guest]

So little taglines. That's where I came up with the burnt out baddie. Trying to live a soft life. It was TikTok. And through this process.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. So is the takeaway to just kind of get granular with it or actually get definitive and introspective and map things out or define, define where you're at. Define where you want to go. Actually put some words and containers around it.

[Guest]

Yeah, I think, I think instead of just like having it be a big this is fucked mess in your head. It's always good to externalize it. We internalize too much. I feel like most people, we internalize Too much. Especially if you're socialized femme. And so, you know, you put it out there, either journal or even have a conversation with friends, because also, you won't feel so alone. Right. And then. And then you might get like, you know, genuine trusted feedback from someone to be like, you know what, it sounds like you're really wanting this or you're experiencing this, and maybe that's the direction that you want to go.

[Elise Hu]

It's a reminder of how your friends can really reflect back to you, what they're hearing from you and the themes that are emerging that you might not be able to hear, notice, or take notice of yourself.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, that's such a good point.

[Guest]

Yeah. I feel like, you know, if we're forever 35, you know, we're gonna forever need to balance so many things around this age, you know, and. And I feel like we can sleepwalk through life, which I think a lot of people choose to. Or if you really want to do something about that feeling of everything is fucked or things have been going awry, God, you gotta stop and take stock.

[Dory Shafrir]

You know, a lot of times I think people only, like, really hear advice that they want to hear, and it's. And it's also hard to be that person for your friend. So, you know, I think I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that with a lot of my friends, which is maybe an issue for me to, like, work through.

[Guest]

That is. Honestly. Yes. Because some of the mapping that you can do, beside what you're thinking about, what you're working on, what I've worked on, and your hopes and dreams, is who do you want to surround yourself with? And honestly, that. That when you start mapping that out, who do you surround yourself with? Who do you want to be surrounded with?

[Jenny Yang]

Who.

[Guest]

Who are you acquainted with that you'd like to move into, closer to your inner circle? Who do you want to move out of your inner circle? Please? Okay, everyone take a deep breath.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, seriously, this is like.

[Elise Hu]

And pack a lunch.

[Dory Shafrir]

This is a lot.

[Guest]

I feel like. I feel like it's. That's also a level of clarity, you know, to be like, okay, this is who I'm going to invest in? Who. These are the people I'm going to pour myself into, you know?

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Elise Hu]

Okay, let's take a break and we.

[Jenny Yang]

Will be right back.

[Sleep Number Ad]

Over the last 75 years, over 10,000 chemicals have been introduced to our food supply. Yet the EU only allows 300 food additives. But at Thrive Market, we bring our members the highest quality brands and restrict more than 1,000 ingredients found at conventional grocery stores. Making the switch is easy with our Healthy Swaps scanner, which finds better versions of all your favorite pantry, snacking, and home essentials without the added junk dyes and fillers. Plus, it's all delivered straight to your door. So if you're looking to shop at a grocery store that actually cares about your health, go to thrivemarket.com podcast and you'll get 30% off your first order and a free gift.

[Dory Shafrir]

Sorry, this is like a terrible segue. But, like, people often talk about. Speaking of journeys, people talk about fertility journeys. And, you know, this is the. This year you got really public with a lot of it. And I also have been really public with my fertility journey, so I really empathize with, you know, a lot of what you've been going through. How did talking about that, like, how did that go over with people and how did that affect you and how you thought about everything that was happening?

[Guest]

You know, most of my life, I never aspired for a picket fence wedding and kids and all of that thing. But it wasn't until, frankly, I got into my 30s, you know, that I realized, oh, no, actually, I think I'm capable of and might want to be a mother. And it wasn't until. But my priority was to find love. And so, you know, I found this amazing partner who also wanted kids, and that was what we wanted to do immediately, even if we didn't get married. Sin. And then. And then that's. So I got pregnant and I got first miscarriage. And I think that's where I started to educate myself a lot about things and really had to be like, wow, am I really committed to this fertility journey? Right. Do I really want kids? And so we figured out a fertility doctor, and I've basically done since 2022 miscarriages and eight rounds of IVF treatments.

[Dory Shafrir]

Wow.

[Guest]

Six of which were. The egg retrievals were not done with any anesthesia, just sort of local. Just local. So I was not. I was not asleep for that, which is a huge regret of mine, because.

[Elise Hu]

That trauma lingers the pain that women must endure.

[Guest]

Yeah. So I know if everyone could see their faces now you're both.

[Dory Shafrir]

Well, I mean, as someone who did egg retrievals under anesthesia, I'm like, what? How could you.

[Guest]

Because you can feel every. That thick needle that sucks out the egg. You could feel every poke.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah. No, no, I'm sorry.

[Guest]

It's a torture device.

[Dory Shafrir]

Do that.

[Guest]

Thank you. Yeah. So that's just to set the stage. I know. It's like a total Bummer. This is over the course of four years being working non stop during the. During was the pandemic as well as my dad dying. So I was just carrying so much. And so I think my summer of 2024 burnout was finally, you know, I was working non stop between 2018 and Hollywood to April year. And then this summer, I think I just finally felt it, you know, what it's like in college when you, it's time for finals and you just power through and then when you go home for Christmas, you all get sick. That's what happens because you were sick the whole time. You just repressed it, you postponed it. Yeah. It's not like you can deny it. It's been happening, you know, it just. You just wait until it comes out, your body knows to give you a more opportune time to fall apart. And so this summer, that's what happened. I started to process a lot of that stuff. And what I realized a lot of, I had a lot of anger, right? Disappointment, grief around my dad, around, you know, lost pregnancies, as well as, you know, unsuccessful embryos. Right. And, and as I don't recommend this for everyone because not everyone's like me, who obviously went into a creative profession to express my feelings, I realized that a big part of my healing is going to have to be making what I've been carrying as an emotional load external because I had to unburden myself. And one of the big burdens I felt so alone around. I wasn't even on Reddit, y'all. I did not join any group to process any of the IVF stuff. And so I just, I just really needed support, you know, and, and to get it off my chest. And so, you know, I. For two years, I did a monthly live comedy show called Self Help Me, a competitive self care comedy show. It was a satirical game show with comedians and a resident expert on the topic at hand. I did 20 shows, wrote them new ones every month at Dynasty Typewriter. And I ended it with fertility, which was the hardest thing that was like, you know, like the big. The final boss on the video game. That was, yeah, the first one. The first topic for, in April of 2023 for self help Me was Burnout. We've covered finances, we've covered love, dating, everything, you know, astrology. But I just, I knew, I knew fertility is a really important topic that I just wasn't capable of doing and in a weird way, I kind of forced myself to do it. Our last show, August of this year, and I. And when it was time to write the show. I said, oh, you know what? This is part of my. What I need to change about my life. I need to end my run. I did 20 shows in two years. It's done. No more. I was supposed to keep going, you.

[Elise Hu]

Know, I'm sorry we missed it, too.

[Guest]

Well, I am. Lucky for you. I am going to figure out a platform to put all of the videos of each of the shows as video. As streaming video on demand.

[Elise Hu]

Very cool.

[Guest]

And you can support me that way. So just check. Be on the lookout for that once I kind of set that up. I think if you're interested in fertility, it's probably the most honest and emotional show. It was the hardest to write. And so in anticipation of that, I publicly put out a series of satirical photos on my Instagram where, you know, those, like, pregnancy announcement photos where it's very gauzy and dreamy and it's on the beach and everyone's wearing white. Okay. And usually people announce pregnancies with those felt letter boards. It's almost like a thing now, right? Right. To the felt letter board. Announcement for pregnancy. It's such a thing. So what I did was I imitated that look, and instead of a pregnancy announcement, I had everything else look like a pregnancy announcement instead on the letterboard. I documented and declared for everyone. All of those things I describe in my fertility journey.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, like a Spotify wrapped.

[Guest]

Exactly. Two miscarriage. Exactly. Dad died, you know, did ivf. So I had these in a series of photos where I'm obviously like, not happy, but if you just scroll through the Instagram photos very quickly, you would think immediately, this is a pregnancy announcement photo. Right. I'm wearing like an off the shoulder white kind of gauzy top with like a skirt. You know what I mean? I'm like, but. And I'm kind of holding my belly and I'm holding this. This felt letter board that says two miscarriages. Right. And I'm kind of like, open mouth screaming. But what's so fucked up other than the fact that 99% were just like, I'm so sorry you went through this. And people DMing me with their own stories and making me feel less alone, which is exactly what I was hoping for. And I declared that that was what I was looking for in the caption. I had strangers and even pretty close friends who commented, congratulations, I'm so happy for you.

[Elise Hu]

Oh, no.

[Dory Shafrir]

What?

[Guest]

This image.

[Elise Hu]

Just read the image. You don't even have the caption.

[Dory Shafrir]

What?

[Elise Hu]

Because wasn't. Wasn't Your tally in the board, like on the board of the image.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah. It said miscarriage.

[Elise Hu]

That's.

[Guest]

But that tells you so much of how quickly people don't engage with the actual posts. Sometimes they just kind of casually flip through it.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

Wow.

[Guest]

And I was like. And I replied, I'm like, take a look at what I wrote.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And then, and then they would like say, I am so sorry. And then they would delete or they DM me. I had another friend who had no shame. The one that actually knew me had no shame. And she was just like, oh my God, I'm sorry, I didn't read that. Right. And that's it. But you know when you go through a death, when you go through miscarriages or you go through fertility issues, it's so personal. It's so important to you that it does kind of realign who you can rely on.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest]

It really tells you where people are at. And it doesn't mean that they're not good people or that they're not friends still.

[Dory Shafrir]

Right.

[Guest]

It just means that you, you just kind of know who you can rely on, what people are capable of at this moment.

[Elise Hu]

And it sounds like you did overall.

[Jenny Yang]

Get a lot of the support that you were seeking.

[Elise Hu]

So there is value that was derived from kind of just doing your fertility wrapped on Instagram.

[Guest]

It is, it is 100% fertility wrapped instead of Spotify wrapped. Yeah, I know.

[Elise Hu]

We have to ask. So the show run is over. Of course. This particular for Self Help Me Self Help Me Run. But you are a stand up comedian. You remain in the space. Would love to know what you're thinking about what you're finding funny lately as you are making the turn into 2025.

[Guest]

I don't know, guys. This summer I definitely questioned what was funny during my burnout.

[Elise Hu]

You know, I mean, post election we've been really feeling the despair.

[Guest]

Yeah. And it's okay to feel some of that because it tells us how much we care. But I've been also, as someone who used to work in politics, I used to work in nonprofits and in. As a labor organizer. For a number of years I've been seeking counsel through my sort of like trusted politicos and movement people. And I think we have to remember that we have each other and that is what we can trust. You know, and it's a bummer because despair means that in heartbreak means that we had expectations or hope prior. But maybe, maybe being let down is a signal that we have to reorient who we trust and what systems we trust, you know, so like, for example, I'm not someone who says don't vote, you know.

[Dory Shafrir]

Right.

[Guest]

I used to, I'm not, I'm not saying that I don't want you to kind of, I want to be clear. But I think we need to understand how we take care of ourselves and how social change happens in a more complex way. And it's not just voting. It's, in addition to that, other things.

[Elise Hu]

You know, remember the Women's March back in early 2017? We're talking about like the pussy hats.

[Guest]

Right?

[Elise Hu]

Like, yes.

[Guest]

Remember that, how powerful that felt for those who participated because it was such a tremendous outpouring of protest against, you know, Trump being elected, for example. We need to know that it's not just protesting like that. Right. There's like still sustained things that we can do. So I don't know, it's, it's, it's, it's just reorienting. Right. Like, who can we put our value in and trust in? Feel less hope, less hopeless? You know, it's, for example, I'm initiating like a monthly get together of trusted friends who might be like minded just to, just to keep our social connect stronger. It's not like we're starting a new political organization.

[Elise Hu]

Sure.

[Guest]

Just hanging out at an, you know, at a, at a public space, you know, but it's just an invitation to say, everyone, let's get out of here. Get, let's get together. And then we'll lightly, you know, throw a question for you to process feelings or solutions and be a place for us to share info with each other. All of it.

[Jenny Yang]

Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

You know, because I feel like I completely hear what you're saying and I also don't want to lose hope because it was like a fairly close election, even though it didn't look that way.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Elise Hu]

In the end it was close. This country is still pretty divided along the scenes. Yeah, along the same line.

[Guest]

100.

[Elise Hu]

But I'm wondering kind of like where to start, you know, what, what now? In a practical way. And you worked in politics and advocacy and so it seemed just really well timed that you're our last guest of 2024.

[Guest]

What an honor.

[Elise Hu]

Because I'm curious about where to start when it comes to making a difference in the world at this particular juncture.

[Guest]

The question you should ask yourself is who is your community and where is your political home? I think those are two questions that people who care about politics always ask themselves. You know, having come from sort of like grassroots movement activist people, including labor including, you know, people who are, you know, either affordable housing or tenant organizer friends or, you know, public transportation organizer friends. Like there's so many, you know, reproductive justice friends. It's always who's your community and who and where is your political home. And so the who's your community part is important.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Just because, just because your community is not diverse, for example, doesn't mean that's bad. It's just good to know who are the people you have connections to and that who you have influence on and who can influence you. That's important because every, at every place in the world, every of the, of our social strata, there needs to be like minded people who want to come together for positive social change. So it doesn't matter rich, poor, what color. Just know who are those people that you're connected to and you can influence. Right. Because that's, you have to know where you stand. Listen, we all have enough things to deal with. And that's, that's the, that's the challenge. America's really tough to live in, guys. You know, we don't have a lot of safety nets. And that's what makes everyone, you know, feel like they need to be out for themselves. And, and so I. And so I think it's just, I think it's powerful just to think of yourself in a collective. Yeah, that's already, you know, to see, just to think of yourself in a community and to be in relationship with a community is already a form of resistance in America. Other. Because, because, because a lot of the way that our health care system is.

[Elise Hu]

And yeah, we're doing the way of privatization.

[Jenny Yang]

Right.

[Guest]

Yes. It makes everyone just think about themselves. Right. Even just like the myth and the ethos of like the American dream or, you know, it's like pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. That's very American, you know, and so, I don't know, I feel like. Yeah, just start and then the final thing is always start where you are. I'm just summarizing things that I have experienced and that I've learned from people much wiser than me who had been doing it longer.

[Elise Hu]

Great, thank you.

[Dory Shafrir]

I feel like that's such a. Elise, I feel like you've talked about that, like this idea of just like having your community, having your people, and also like not being afraid to ask for help and ask for what you need from your people in your community is something that's really powerful because I think.

[Guest]

It also, it opens other people up to feel like maybe I can ask for help too.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And maybe, you know what? That's inspiring me. Maybe I will actually make the effort to help.

[Elise Hu]

You know, I mean, it goes back to the same motivations behind you sharing your fertility journey. I think that, you know, a lot of feminism is about giving license or to say things out loud that we might not feel comfortable or we might be ashamed to talk about out loud. And so it's one of the aims of this show. For example, you know, we just spent the last month on midlife and menopause and those topics because we want people to feel as though a. We're all going through it. It's going to come. It's going to come to you eventually if you haven't gotten there. And you know, so many of our experiences that where we feel alone, you're not actually alone. So I think that's a really good reminder.

[Guest]

I know. That's why. Yeah, that's why podcasts like yours are so powerful. You know, this helps to build community too.

[Elise Hu]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jenny, before we let you go, we'd love to know what you're excited about, where people can find you, what you're going to be working on creatively.

[Guest]

You know, Self Help Me is going to turn into a podcast. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I'm gonna make the 20 shows that I. I did live available for. For supporting me and watching it on online, if you want to. I don't know, I'm gonna figure I'm gonna be making more content. Actually, I took a break during the pandemic. That's actually how I used to get jobs is like being so online, you know? And then when the pandemic happened, I was like, I can't deal. I can't deal. And I was employed, you know, so, so, so I'm back. I'm gonna be back making content. And it feels good. It feels good. So, yeah, catch me, catch me on TikTok and as long as it's there and Instagram and sign up for my email list at Jenny Yang tv. And then ideally I will be touring.

[Dory Shafrir]

So let me know a lot of things.

[Elise Hu]

So many things. Excited for you and listeners. We will link you to so many of the mentions that Jenny just dropped there for us. Jenny Yang, thank you so much.

[Dory Shafrir]

Thank you, Jenny.

[Guest]

Thank you. Forever 35.

[Elise Hu]

So you can find Jenny in all the places that she mentioned. And Jenny, we hope you're listening because we are so grateful for your openness and generosity with us and, like, just getting real, getting into it, getting about where you're at.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah. All right. Well, the. As the last intentions of 2024. I was actually kind of inspired by Jenny for my intention this week. At first. My intention last week was to figure out how to spend the next few weeks. I'm sort of figuring it out. Good, good. Like, I, I.

[Elise Hu]

You're doing it.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah, I'm doing it. I don't feel, like, totally at sea, but I don't have, like, every minute of every day planned out. So, yeah, I think I'm in a good place about it. And like I said, Jenny was very inspiring to me. As I said in our interview, I have not done a vision board in a few years, and it used to be, like, a New Year's tradition, and I want to get back to it. So I am intending to do a vision board. I feel like I need some, like, realignment. Matt and I also used to do every New Year's Eve, we would do a. A tarot card reading.

[Elise Hu]

Ooh, who does it? Like, do you read for each other? Do you know how to read tarot?

[Dory Shafrir]

I mean, ish.

[Elise Hu]

Okay.

[Dory Shafrir]

We have the Wild Unknown tarot, and there's a book that, like, comes with it. So maybe we'll do that again.

[Elise Hu]

That'd be so fun. And I'd love to hear what he.

[Jenny Yang]

Reads for you, like what your tarot cards say.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yeah. And then part of the vision board, I think I am going to start this tennis newsletter.

[Elise Hu]

Great.

[Dory Shafrir]

Just going along with the theme of leaning into your passions and leaning into your passion projects. So TBD what that will look like. But I'm putting it out into the universe and putting it down as an intention. What about you?

[Elise Hu]

My intention last week was time for reflection, which I had a little bit of time to do on Sunday, and then I was able to meet with my Jungian analyst. And so we're keeping that up despite the craziness of the holidays. So I feel pretty good. I was telling him. I was like, yeah, you know, this holiday season hasn't felt too much because sometimes it's, like, so frenetic. And this year I just feel like, you know, we're keeping it pretty chill. I'm not hosting anyone. I think I get really stressed out when a lot of people are descending upon me.

[Dory Shafrir]

Totally.

[Elise Hu]

And my parents are in the adu. The back house, and, like, they're always around and that it just feels like a lot. And this year it's been fairly easy. Knock on wood.

[Dory Shafrir]

Good.

[Elise Hu]

My intention heading into the holidays is family time.

[Dory Shafrir]

Nice.

[Elise Hu]

I don't see my brother enough. We only see each other, but maybe once or twice a year. And he is the funniest person I know. Like, so funny.

[Jenny Yang]

And he also has like a lot.

[Elise Hu]

Of practices I would love to emulate. Like he works in finance and has like a crazy life and travels all the time, but he makes time to meditate. He's like a transcendental meditator and he.

[Jenny Yang]

Meditates for like 45 minutes a day.

[Elise Hu]

And he's really intentional about getting in his meditation time and he says and he credits it with so much of his equanimity. And so I just like being around my brother. I'm con, he's my younger brother. But I'm constantly learning so much from him and our relationship has really shifted over the years to where like he's the wise one. So because he was always just like my pesky brother growing up and I was like, oh no, I don't go to school with him. And but now it's changed now that he's 40, so.

[Dory Shafrir]

Oh, that's really nice.

[Elise Hu]

And we wish all of you just a very safe and non stressful holiday. But if it is stressful, give yourself grace and give your some try and take some time.

[Dory Shafrir]

Great advice. Great advice.

[Elise Hu]

And we have one more mini episode. We will be back on Wednesday with a fresh mini with your calls, texts and voicemails.

[Jenny Yang]

And then we have some of our.

[Elise Hu]

Favorite interviews coming up in the next couple of weeks. But we'll be back with a fresh one in early January.

[Dory Shafrir]

Yes. All right, well, just a reminder that Forever 35 is hosted and produced by me, Dory Shaprier and Elise Hunter. Produced and edited by Sam Hunio. Sammy Reed is our project manager and our network partner is Acast. Thanks everyone for listening.

[Elise Hu]

Happy holidays.

[Guest]

Bye.