Podcast Summary: Forever35 Episode 341 – "Killing Them With Kindness" with Kasley Killam
Release Date: February 24, 2025
Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Guest: Kasley Killam, Harvard-trained social scientist and author of The Art and Science of Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier
Introduction to Social Health
In this episode, Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu welcome Kasley Killam, a leading expert in social health, to discuss the often-overlooked aspect of well-being: our social connections. Kasley emphasizes that while physical and mental health are commonly addressed, social health is equally crucial for a fulfilling and long life.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([22:16]) – “Our social ties are actually determining our risk for things like heart disease, stroke, dementia, diabetes, and they even play into our lifespans and how long we end up living.”
Understanding Social Health
Kasley elucidates that social health involves the quality and depth of our relationships. It’s not merely about having numerous connections but fostering meaningful and supportive interactions that contribute to our overall well-being. She introduces the concept of social health as a distinct pillar alongside mental and physical health.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([22:16]) – “Social health is as important as our physical and mental health. Yet it's very underappreciated. This is the next wave that's coming in our evolution of understanding what it means to be healthy.”
Social Health Styles: Embracing Individual Differences
Recognizing that people have varying social needs, Kasley outlines four social health archetypes:
- Butterfly: Thrives in casual, frequent interactions.
- Wallflower: Prefers fewer, deeper connections.
- Firefly: Enjoys infrequent but profound interactions.
- Evergreen: Maintains constant, deep connections.
This framework helps individuals understand their unique social needs and how to cultivate relationships that align with their personal comfort zones.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([24:50]) – “There are four different kinds of social health styles: the butterfly, the wallflower, the firefly, and the evergreen. Understanding our styles and how we relate to one another can help us think about what we need at any given time in our life.”
Strategies for Improving Social Health
Kasley provides actionable advice for enhancing social health, particularly for adults seeking to build new friendships or strengthen existing ones. She emphasizes the importance of engaging in activities that align with one’s interests as a natural way to meet like-minded individuals.
Key Recommendations:
- Join Clubs or Groups: Participate in activities you love, such as running clubs, hiking groups, or book clubs.
- Consistent Interaction: Regularly interacting with the same group fosters stronger connections.
- Diverse Relationships: Engaging with a variety of people enriches social support systems.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([31:47]) – “One of the most common questions I get is, if you feel like there just aren't enough people in your life, how do you make friends as an adult? The answer is to do what you love with others.”
The 5:3:1 Guideline for Social Health
Introducing her 5:3:1 recommendation, Kasley outlines a structured approach to maintaining social health:
- Interact with Five People Weekly: Engage with different individuals to diversify your social circle.
- Strengthen Three Close Relationships: Deepen connections with your closest friends or family members.
- Spend One Hour Daily in Quality Connection: Dedicate time each day to meaningful interactions, whether in person or virtually.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([35:02]) – “The 5:3:1 guideline is aiming to interact with five different people each week, strengthen at least three close relationships, and spend one hour a day in quality connection.”
Impact of COVID-19 on Social Health
The discussion shifts to the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on societal social health. Kasley shares insights from research indicating an initial increase in loneliness and social anxiety. However, she notes a surprising resilience as people adapted by finding creative ways to stay connected, though some residual effects linger.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([42:00]) – “While there was an initial dip in social connections during the pandemic, many people bounced back more quickly than expected. However, some still feel their social muscles are a bit rusty and are working to rebuild them.”
Navigating Different Social Health Styles in Relationships
Kasley addresses challenges that arise when partners have differing social health styles. She advises understanding and respecting each other’s needs, recognizing that social health evolves over time, and providing mutual support during transitions.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([38:13]) – “It's okay to have different styles. Understanding that our social health evolves over time allows us to support each other through more connected or solitary phases as needed.”
Final Thoughts: Valuing Friendship
As the episode concludes, Kasley underscores the profound impact of friendships on our health and longevity. She encourages listeners to invest in their friendships, emphasizing that these chosen relationships are vital for both happiness and physical well-being.
Notable Quote:
Kasley Killam ([45:52]) – “Friendship is such a beautiful gift. It’s one of the more unique relationships that make up our social health because it's the one that we choose. Invest in them as much as you can.”
Closing Remarks
Doree and Elise express their gratitude to Kasley for sharing her expertise and remind listeners to prioritize their social health. They also share personal anecdotes about making an effort to foster deeper connections, reflecting the episode's themes in their own lives.
Where to Follow Kasley Killam:
- Newsletter: kaslikillam.com
- LinkedIn: Kasley Killam
- Instagram: @kaslikillam
Connect with Forever35:
- Website: forever35podcast.com
- Instagram: @forever35podcast
- Patreon: patreon.com/Forever35
- Newsletter: Available on the website
- Contact: Call or text 781-591-0390 or email forever35podcast@mail.com
Important Note: This episode encourages listeners to assess their social health and take proactive steps to enhance their relationships. Whether you're an introvert or extrovert, understanding your social health style can lead to a happier, healthier life.