Podcast Summary: Forever35 - Episode 352: Motherhood in the Age of Surveillance with Amanda Hess

Release Date: May 12, 2025
Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Guest: Amanda Hess, Critic at Large for The New York Times

Introduction

In Episode 352 of Forever35, hosts Doree Shafrir and Elise Hu delve into the intricate relationship between motherhood and technology with esteemed guest Amanda Hess. The conversation, set against the backdrop of modern digital surveillance, explores how technology shapes and monitors the experience of parenting in today's hyper-connected world.

Guest Introduction

Elise introduces Amanda Hess, highlighting her extensive career as a writer and critic, including her role at The New York Times and her acclaimed book, Second Life. Hess’s work primarily focuses on internet culture, pop culture, and the intersection of technology with daily life, making her an ideal voice for discussing motherhood in the digital age.

Self-Care Practices in Parenting

The episode begins with a discussion on self-care amidst the challenges of book promotion and parenting. Amanda shares her journey of self-care, revealing how she ceased alcohol consumption nine months prior to manage anxiety without relying on temporary fixes. She states:

“I stopped drinking, like, nine months ago. And I feel like it's just... it's very helpful at this time where I'm super anxious and I don't have this, like, false anxiety cure that I can reach for.”
— Amanda Hess [19:19]

This candid admission underscores the importance of authentic self-care practices over superficial solutions, especially during stressful periods.

Impact of Technology on Early Parenthood

Elise reflects on the stark differences in parenting experiences before and after the digital revolution, noting the absence of pervasive technology and surveillance in early parenthood a decade ago. Amanda concurs, emphasizing how her relationship with technology intensified during her pregnancies:

“My relationship with technology became so intense as like the months went on. I was like, those feelings of shame and those things that were brought up are things that like are actually recommending this as a subject to me.”
— Amanda Hess [22:14]

Amanda discusses how pregnancy apps transitioned from simple period trackers to comprehensive monitoring tools, intertwining her personal health and pregnancy journey with constant digital surveillance.

Surveillance and Cultural Implications

A central theme of the episode is the cultural embedding of surveillance in motherhood. Amanda articulates concerns about how technology perpetuates a culture of monitoring and control:

“The problem was so much bigger than that, unfortunately. And the structures that are involved in the surveillance and the criminalization of pregnancy and motherhood are like our doctors and our hospitals.”
— Amanda Hess [25:40]

She elaborates on how surveillance extends beyond apps to institutional practices, highlighting incidents where doctors conducted unauthorized drug tests on pregnant women, sparking debates on personal privacy and autonomy.

Assessment of Parenting Technologies

Amanda critically examines popular parenting apps like Flow, discussing their evolution and the underlying motivations driven by profit and data accumulation:

“They're created to make money. They're created to, like, amass as much power as possible to get you to open them as much as possible.”
— Amanda Hess [34:26]

She points out that despite addressing past critiques, platforms like Flow continue to prioritize business interests over genuine user well-being, making it challenging to discern the true value of these technologies.

Community Care vs. Individual Responsibility

The conversation shifts to the concept of community care as a framework for effective parenting. Amanda contrasts societal expectations of individual responsibility for child-rearing with the benefits of community-oriented approaches:

“I feel like the thing that's missing for me, even as someone who like has all of the things that in America are supposed to like lift you out of this... is just that there is no way to buy sufficient really medical system for myself and my family and my kids.”
— Amanda Hess [43:01]

She advocates for mutual aid and community support systems, emphasizing that true effective parenting extends beyond individual efforts to include collective responsibility and support.

Optimism Amidst Technological Challenges

Despite the pervasive issues with technology in parenting, Amanda finds hope in the growing tech literacy and resistance among the younger generation:

“I think there's a lot of resentment toward our tech overlords that I think is really actually amazing and productive because we should be hugely skeptical of these people.”
— Amanda Hess [49:23]

She believes that increased awareness and critical perspectives on technology can lead to more informed and conscientious use of digital tools in parenting.

Conclusion and Future Engagements

The episode concludes with Amanda Hess sharing her upcoming book tour details and encouraging listeners to engage with her work on social media. She reflects on the personal growth she experienced through writing Second Life and looks forward to continuing the dialogue on motherhood and technology.

“I really think that we should all be parenting each other more... it's something that I discovered at the time when I had the least amount of bandwidth to do anything else.”
— Amanda Hess [43:38]

Amanda emphasizes the importance of community involvement and mutual support as essential components of effective and healthy parenting.

Key Takeaways

• Technology’s Dual Role: While technology provides valuable tools for tracking and managing aspects of parenting, it also introduces a layer of surveillance that can impact mental health and autonomy.

• Cultural Surveillance: The integration of surveillance in motherhood is deeply rooted in societal structures, including medical institutions, perpetuating a culture of control over maternal behavior.

• Community Over Individualism: Effective parenting is increasingly seen as a collective responsibility rather than an individual endeavor, highlighting the need for community support systems.

• Resilience and Resistance: Growing tech literacy and skepticism among newer generations offer a pathway to balancing the benefits and drawbacks of technology in parenting.

Notable Quotes

“I stopped drinking, like, nine months ago. And I feel like it's just... it's very helpful at this time where I'm super anxious and I don't have this, like, false anxiety cure that I can reach for.”
— Amanda Hess [19:19]

“The problem was so much bigger than that, unfortunately. And the structures that are involved in the surveillance and the criminalization of pregnancy and motherhood are like our doctors and our hospitals.”
— Amanda Hess [25:40]

“They're created to make money. They're created to, like, amass as much power as possible to get you to open them as much as possible.”
— Amanda Hess [34:26]

“I really think that we should all be parenting each other more... it's something that I discovered at the time when I had the least amount of bandwidth to do anything else.”
— Amanda Hess [43:38]

“I think there's a lot of resentment toward our tech overlords that I think is really actually amazing and productive because we should be hugely skeptical of these people.”
— Amanda Hess [49:23]

Final Thoughts

Episode 352 of Forever35 offers a profound exploration of the intersection between motherhood and technology, guided by Amanda Hess's insightful perspectives. The discussion challenges listeners to reflect on their relationship with technology, the cultural implications of surveillance in parenting, and the importance of community support in raising children. Through candid conversations and thoughtful analysis, the episode provides a nuanced understanding of the modern challenges and opportunities in balancing technology with authentic, community-driven parenting practices.