Forever35 – Mini-Episode 474: The Big Questions

Hosts: Doree Shafrir & Elise Hu
Release Date: January 7, 2026

Episode Overview

In their first mini-episode of 2026, Doree and Elise respond to listener questions that touch on some of life's "big questions"—including whether to have a second child, the realities of co-parenting, and reflecting on annual intentions. With their signature warmth and self-awareness, they lean into honest conversation about parenting, self-care, and the evolving nature of personal goals.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kicking Off a New Year and Returning from the Holidays

[02:01–07:12]

• Hosts’ reflections: Both hosts share how they spent the holidays—Elise mostly at home, Doree on a family trip to Mexico. Elise discusses the joys and challenges of navigating the extended school break with her daughters, including activities like museum visits and prepping for a Hamilton show.
• Intentional Reflection: Elise describes her tradition of year-end wrap-ups for personal reflection rather than setting rigid resolutions. She offers an insight inspired by Krista Tippett and Minouche Zomorodi about embracing an annual "question” instead of a resolution.
  • Memorable Quote:
    "One thing that she recommended is going into the New year with a question. Like a question that becomes your friend throughout the year and you return to it and you kind of, like, think about if you're working towards it.” – Elise Hu [04:48]
• Elise’s Question for 2026: How can she do things with more depth, both in and outside of work.
• Doree’s Recap: Shares about her family’s Mexico trip—the chaos of traveling with young kids and the pleasures of hotel breakfasts, while noting she didn’t exactly return “relaxed” but did make meaningful memories.

2. Listener Feedback on Recent Guests

[11:12–13:06]

• Listener Voicemail: Calls for returning guest Dr. Megan Sullivan and expresses how much her wisdom resonated.
  • "She was incredible. And I love you two, also. Anyway, thank you so much, you guys, for the podcast. You get me through so much." – Listener [11:13]
• Dermatologist Listener Text: Both hosts are pleased by medical professionals affirming their thoughtful guest interviews, especially applauding Dr. Wong’s advice as “clear and without gimmicks.”
• Elise’s Reflection: Suggests perhaps inviting Dr. Megan back for more regular Q&A, highlighting her invaluable, relatable perspective.

3. The One-Child vs. Siblings Debate

[16:55–23:39]

• Listener Voicemail: A mom of one, who was previously childfree, asks if not having a second child is "short-sighted" due to claims she'd need to entertain her child more and have less time for herself. She's weighing practical, emotional, and cultural expectations.
  • "When people hear that we probably won’t have a second one… they've told me… it’s a short-sighted view because if you have one child you actually have to entertain them a lot more…Is this true or just our pronatalist culture?" – Listener [16:55]
• Hosts’ Answers:
  • Elise: Stresses there’s no universal answer; the impact of having multiple children is shaped by individual resources, priorities, and philosophies—
    • “With each kid… I had a diminishing marginal resource of that time. So it’s inevitable my kids get less of me as I had more of them. But they have value to each other… that I can’t really put a value on.” – Elise [18:47]
  • Doree: Acknowledges it can be harder to keep an only child entertained but highlights financial realities and positive aspects of being a smaller family.
    • "There’s a lot of things that we get to do because we only have one child… I know a lot of people who have one child. I think they also see how it benefits the family unit.” – Doree [20:08]
• Advice: Both encourage the listener to examine personal desires rather than bow to social pressure.
  • Elise: Suggests a “future self” thought experiment—would the listener regret not having a second child?
    • “Ask yourself how important it is to you to have another child… from the perspective of your future self.” – Elise [22:25]
  • Doree: Emphasizes there’s no wrong answer—each family’s context is unique.

4. Navigating Co-Parenting & Self-Care After Separation

[25:52–31:53]

• Listener Voicemail: Separated parent of two young children requests advice on co-parenting, especially how it intersects with self-care for women.
  • “There are hard things and good things and I would just really love to hear all the different ways that folks are thinking about it and… how it relates to self care and stuff in midlife for particularly for women and femmes.” – Listener [25:52]
• Elise’s Practical Strategies:
  • Carrying the Mental Load: Notes that even after separation, traditional divisions of labor often persist—especially for mothers.
    • “In the same way that I was having to manage the kids schedules when I was married, I'm still managing… when I'm not married and my ex husband executes on that schedule…” – Elise [26:46]
  • Communication:
    • Weekly co-parenting calls to coordinate schedules (when possible)
    • Shared digital calendars for kids’ activities
    • Coordinating on holidays, birthdays, and school events (sometimes joint, sometimes separate as family contexts evolve)
    • Using WhatsApp and shared folders for photos and updates
    • Google Docs for managing presents and shared logistics
  • On Blended Families: Shares examples of various approaches to family meals, vacations, and how these evolve over time.
    • “Some great blended families… all go on vacation together... There’s awesome blended situations. I just think it varies.” – Elise [29:03]
  • Relationship Evolution: Advises to expect—and accept—ongoing change in the co-parenting relationship.
    • “Your relationship with your co parent is going to change just in the way that all relationships change and grow and evolve... Be ready for all of the dynamism there.” – Elise [31:12]
  • Self-Care Implications: Recognizes that co-parenting structures can open up new time for self-care, but the mental load often remains substantial for moms/femmes.
• Doree’s Input:
  • Echoes the variety of family solutions and the value of open communication, while noting that everyone’s situation is unique.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On year-end reflection:
  "I do a year end wrap up every year. So I do kind of like try and take stock at the end of every year. And that way I have that to look back on too.” – Elise [04:50]
• On parenting choices:
  “Whatever choice you make will end up being the right choice for you, I think. I don't know if that sounds… wishy washy, but I do genuinely feel that way.” – Doree [20:08]
• On future regret:
  “Ask yourself, maybe from the perspective of your future self… would you regret it had you not [had another child]?” – Elise [22:25]
• On mental load post-separation:
  "In the same way that I was having to manage the kids schedules when I was married, I'm still managing the kids schedules for the most part when I'm not married" – Elise [26:46]
• On co-parenting logistics:
  “We have a shared calendar. That’s the kids stuff… so [my ex] can check what’s going on and reduces us having to talk to each other.” – Elise [28:41]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:01–07:12 | New year reflections, holiday recaps, embracing an annual “question” | | 11:12–13:06 | Listener feedback on recent guests Dr. Megan Sullivan & Dr. Wong | | 16:55–23:39 | Voicemail and discussion: One child vs. siblings, decision-making | | 25:52–31:53 | Voicemail and discussion: Co-parenting after separation, self-care |

Tone & Flow

The episode maintains the hosts’ self-aware, conversational, and gently humorous style. Both Doree and Elise are candid about their personal lives and supportive of listeners, providing a safe space for vulnerable questions and thoughtful, honest responses. They avoid prescriptive advice, instead encouraging personal reflection and acknowledging the messiness of real life and modern parenting.

Summary

This “Big Questions” mini-episode of Forever35 offers reassurance for listeners wrestling with the complexities of parenting choices and co-parenting arrangements. Through honest storytelling and relatable listener questions, Elise and Doree demonstrate that caring for yourself isn’t about following cultural scripts, but about staying mindful, open, and true to what works best for your unique situation. The value of questions and reflection—rather than rigid rules—threads throughout, making this episode as compassionate as it is practical.