A (2:59)

Smelled of weed and were like ignoring you.

B (3:03)

Right?

A (3:04)

Yeah, we'll get to it in a little bit. But we did actually hear from a therapist about this.

B (3:10)

Yeah, I. I really liked my first therapist in la, Shout out, Bobby, what's up? Bobby with an I. Bobby with an ie. We always called her Bobby with an I. And then realized, oh, wait, it's an ie. And. And. And then I ended up referring her to other folks who are still seeing her. And I stopped seeing her, I think, in like 2021. And the reason why was because I had two. At one point I was like, I have too much therapy. This is very expensive. Because Bobbi is a more traditional, like, cbt, a cognitive behavioral therapist. And I thought that she was helpful, but like, obviously came from the more sort of traditional school of cbt. Right. And then around Covid, one of my besties here is an ER doctor and, you know, Princeton educated, Brown educated. And she was like, I started seeing a Jungian analyst. This is like old school psychotherapy, like father of psychotherapy time. Like where you sit around and you talk about your dreams. She's like, it has returned the poetry to my life. She's like, I am a hard sciences person, but I'm telling you, one or two sessions with this guy and he will make his value known to you. And she was absolutely right. And I like Jonathan so much. And I think, I think that Jonathan has been so transformative for that middle midlife passage period of my life. That. And that passage is something that Jung talks about a lot. It's part of his general theories about our psyches. Anyway, he was so transformative that I was like, I'm gonna have to say goodbye to Bobby with an eye. And I love Bobby with an eye. And Bobby with an eye was like, oh. And she felt like such a friend. And we had such like a tender relationship with one another that three years later, after the. After I stopped seeing her, she showed up in Pasadena. Even though she's like, in Westwood. She showed up in Pasadena for my book launch. She and her husband both came and I thought that was so dear and lovely. I like, looked out in the audience and I was like, oh, my gosh. My old therapist who I haven't seen in, like, three years. And it was really lovely to see her again, but it is. It's complicated. Right. Because she's not really a friend. And so I couldn't, you know, like, I don't, like, carry on with her or anything or know anything about her life. I really. She really. She only knows a lot about mine.

A (5:35)

Right, right, right, right.

B (5:37)

Yeah.

A (5:39)

Well, we did hear from a therapist, actually, I'll read this now, since we're on the topic. Hi, Dora and Elise, chiming in, As a psychologist here, regarding the listener question about breaking up with your therapist, it's actually very important to understand why, when, and how therapy ends, because all of these things have meaning in the context of your overall therapeutic intervention. We need to know if you're ending it because you feel you've met your goals or because of financial strain or because it isn't working or because you need a different kind of medical service or because you're avoiding it for anxiety reasons, et cetera. It's all clinically relevant and will determine how a therapist will write up their reports or their notes, how they would approach potentially resuming, whether they would feel ethically obligated to note that termination in this current situation is not indicated. It's not just about the client. It's about our professional, legal and ethical obligations in practice. However, it's also my experience that the kinds of mental health professionals who care about termination are the ones crafting their interventions thoughtfully and deliberately, which this caller's therapist isn't. Given that they're a trainee and under supervision, I would actually contact this person's licensed supervisor and provide that feedback directly to them. Because when you're still a trainee, it's an ideal time to correct bad practices. If they're doing it with this caller, then they're doing it with other clients. And this person should absolutely not be passing the course that this training is a part of. This is egregious enough that it would warrant a fail if they didn't correct it.

B (7:10)

Wow.

A (7:11)

Love you lots. And then they end. FYI, the therapists in your life are not okay, I can tell you that much.

B (7:19)

Yeah, because we mentioned, like, God, how are the therapists? How are the therapists doing out there? Because it's so awful. Yeah, we hear you.

A (7:27)

All right, on a totally different note, before we take a break, we are just going to get to a voicemail from someone very near and dear to the podcast, Sammy Junio.

B (7:38)

Hey, y', all, it's Sammy Longtime producer, first time caller. Shock. I know. I've got a question here.

A (7:45)

Have we talked about back stuff like exfoliating?

B (7:50)

Because I've got some things going on back there and I'm really curious if anybody has any exfoliation tips or anything like that. Like, I have a long handled pad for lotioning my back, but as far as cleaning it up back there, I've got nothing. Okay, love you guys. Bye. Good question. I don't know. I don't know what y' all have covered in the previous years of this show. So have you taken this on before?

A (8:20)

There was an ongoing discussion, a long. A long discussion over several episodes about but knee. Butt acne.

B (8:29)

But knee. Okay, but knee.

A (8:33)

I think the general consensus is that you need to be washing with, like, salicylic. Some sort of salicylic acid cleanser or body wash, and that they. Those certainly exist. So I would load up your back loofah or whatever it is that you have with some of that cleanser and start using that on your back. Benzoyl peroxide might also be good. Just like, whatever. I think whatever your skin can kind of tolerate.

B (9:07)

So from butt knee to back knee. I think this is a back knee question. They weren't specific, but it could be like I have on my arms, like, some. It's just genetic. It's. What do you call it?

A (9:20)

Carrot.

B (9:21)

I think it's called keratosis or keratosis pilaris.

A (9:23)

Keratosis. Pilaris. Yeah. I have it on my arms.

B (9:26)

Bumps. Yeah. And there's that lactic acid lotion. That's really good for it.

A (9:33)

It's called amlactin.

B (9:34)

Am lactin. Yes. And I remember when I was young, like in high school, my dad was a hospital pharmacist. And we haven't talked a lot about how my dad's a hospital pharmacist, but my dad's a hospital pharmacist, and he was able to just like, bring it home from the. From me because it wasn't over the counter yet at that time, I think. But I love it. I think it is very effective. And then the other thing is, I have those Italy towels they use at the Korean spas. They're like little mitts. They're not mitts because there's no fingers or anything. But it's that, like, really rough scrub stuff that the ladies, the ah jumas use on you at Korean spas to. To rub off your dead skin cells. And I have a pack of those, and I love them. Rob loves them.

A (10:16)

Too.

B (10:17)

My daughters are grossed out by them because they look kind of sad and raggedy in the shower. They share our shower, but I love those too. So the Italy towels, you can get them on Amazon or Common Places and then that amlactin's pretty good. If we're talking about Keratosis Pilaris. If we're talking about back back knee, it sounds like the butt knee solutions would apply.

A (10:41)

I think so too. All right, we are going to take a short break and we will be right back with a range of emails, texts, questions, comments, concerns. So we will be right back.

B (10:58)

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C (12:21)

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Shifting a little money here, a little there and hoping it all works out well? With the name your price tool from Progressive, you can be a better budgeter and potentially lower your insurance bill too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance and they'll help you find options within your budget. Try it today@progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

A (12:55)

All right, we are back and before we get to our emails, just a reminder, you can call or text us at 781-591-0390 and email us at forever35podcastmail.com to please reach out and we our Patreon. There's a lot of bonus content on our patreon@patreon.com forever35 so head over there and check it out. And also if you don't like listening to ads or even bothering to fast forward through them, you can join our patreon at the $10 level and get ad free episodes. So it's a good deal just putting that out there. It's a good deal. Elise, do you want to take this first email? It's a listener weighing in on the more than one child conversation.

B (13:36)

Yeah hi Dorian, Elise, Long time. First time here. I felt compelled to write in regarding the number of kids debate. I have two kids, a boy and a girl and also come from a family of two and have a younger brother. My brother is intellectually disabled so we don't have the traditional sibling relationship I see and envy with some of my friends. He is an adult now and my parents are still his legal guardians. When they pass away, I will be his guardian. Because of these dynamics, I was scared to have my own children, let alone multiple children. But I'm so happy with my decision. I hit the jackpot with my children and my son and daughter get along incredibly well and have a special and close relationship. I truly believe they will be close for life. As I face down the barrel of aging parents with health concerns and elder care issues, I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I myself were an only child. That I have a disabled brother who can't help with these things and who instead I need to help out with a number of things certainly complicates matters. At the moment. My parents spend a lot of their time managing his life, but of course they will not be able to do so forever. So basically my point is there are no guarantees in life. You have to make the decision that is right for you and your family about how many children to try for and don't listen to others who are projecting their own values and decisions onto you. Of course any choice means being clear eyed that you are taking a chance. I took a chance and I'm thrilled that I did. I could not imagine life without my kids and their special relationship and that is something I never had. Good luck with. Whatever you decide. This reminds me of our episode about aging parents and caring for our aging parents that we had with Vanessa Gregoriadis and she talked about how she's an only child and so everything is on her. And I do have to say like as my father kind of enters a, like he's has signs of dementia and as we're all sort of stressed out about it and worried about it and his condition, cuz it's just gonna deteriorate. Like it has been, it has been rather fortifying that my brother and I have each other because like when he's panicking he's like, oh my God, somebody needs to make sure dad doesn't have access to his credit card. You know, and it's like nice that we can both and that we can talk about our other parent, we can talk about our mom with each other and we understand. So like when he's in a beef with my mom, I can commiserate, you know, I can like he can commiserate with me and, and I can relate and, and the other way around. So, so that's a good point that hasn't come up in some of our discussions so far.

A (15:59)

Yeah, I mean I think about this all the time with Henry and it just like I'm like bummed for future him. Like I'm sorry dude, so. But what are you going to do? All right, next question. On a totally different note. Hi, I. I need ideas on how to reduce snoring. My snoring has gotten increasingly worse and it is interrupting the whole house in one way or another. I've tried nose sprays and strips, various pillow positions and been tested for sleep apnea, which I don't have. And yet I just snore on. Any listener advice, suggestions? Thank you.

B (16:38)

I always assumed that snoring and sleep apnea were connected. You can snore without having sleep apnea.

A (16:46)

Yes, you can. 25 to 50% of adults snore regularly. People who are overweight, men who are middle aged or older, and postmenopausal women are more likely to snore. Snoring isn't always sleep apnea. Research suggests that about half of people who snore loudly have obstructive sleep apnea. The other half do not.

B (17:11)

Well then our doctors out there, and I know we have many physicians among us in the Forever 35 community, call in and or you know, record a voice memo and email it in forever35podcastmail.com we want to hear from you any snoring advice or solutions if you, if it is not sleep apnea and you want to stop snoring.

A (17:35)

So we'll link to this article I found from the American Medical association because they have a few tips for like non sleep apnea snoring, one of which is mouth taping. Keeping your mouth closed will help your snoring. There's also like oral, they call oral appliances and you can see a dentist for that. They say snoring strips sometimes work. They say limit alcohol. So you know, there's, there's a few, a few things that you can try. Um, and I know you did a sleep study, but is there, have you talked about this with any other sort of doctor, Maybe an ent? I don't know who would address this Listeners, let us know. Okay, Next Email hello Dorian Elise, I wanted to share a not so short comment about something that was said during the most recent casual chat Teen Girl tour of New York. Elise, you said something along the lines of content creation or being a content creator is the only job Gen Z has. I want to push back on that and ask is it the only job they have or the only job they want? Our society is facing crisis level shortages in several industries. Nurses, anyone? Dental hygienists are also in high demand. Typically this certification is a two year affordable associate's degree which you can obtain from many community colleges. A Ford CEO just came out and said they can't hire enough mechanics. Boomers are trying to sell their trade businesses, but the pool of trades people is getting smaller. Plumbers, electricians, masonry workers, carpenters, blacksmiths and other metal tile workers. Even landscapers and house painters who don't necessarily need formal trades training but some apprenticeship to learn the craft. I understand that not everyone is physically able bodied to do this kind of work. For those of us who are, it's going to take a while before we have AI bots doing this work for us. In the meantime, it's meaningful, often very well paying work. I'm a burned out lawyer who's seriously considering entering some sort of trade as a second career. I enjoy refinishing slash repurposing old wood furniture. Have you ever wanted to get a couch reupholstered? It's so expensive. Repurposing furniture slash refinishing furniture is a way we can be environmentally conscious and make a living. Again, not sexy, look at me. Content creation work, but useful tangible skills. Also not to go too dark, but for all the people screaming burn it all down. Who's going to rebuild it again? Content creators or people with physical tangible skills?

B (20:05)

Love that this has been a theme. This has come up in our mini episodes before about how you can go to trade school and learn a trade and how so many trades actually need need us. Carpentry, welding and yeah, just to be clear, I don't think all of the, all of Gen Z is working in content creation. I think. I did not think you is wanting to be a content creator. Like there's a shocking stat about how many kids are saying they want to grow up to be a content creator, but that's not easy. Like the more people who want to do it, the harder it is to become one, you know. So I don't, I don't think that's like a really promising way forward. To say nothing of how much work it is. It's a, it's, it's a treadmill. It's a treadmill.

A (20:52)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a good conversation. All right, we're going to take another short break and we will be right back.

B (21:05)

Looks like we have a hair question. All right, we'll be right back.

C (21:13)

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D (21:33)

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B (22:32)

Foreign.

A (22:38)

We are back. Elise, you want to take this one?

B (22:42)

All right, I'm gonna take this. And apologies in advance for butchering any pharmaceutical names. Okay, drug names. I have some advice for your listener about. Oh, this is regarding hair loss. About spironolactone and oral minoxidil. My hair really thinned in my late 20s and I used spironolactone and topical minoxidil for a decade. It stabilized the situation, but I was never that happy with the results. My hair was still very thin. Three years ago, I started the oral minoxidil with the spironolactone and it made a huge difference. I started on a very small dose, one quarter of a 2.5 milligram tablet, and began seeing real easy to see results. In three to six months. I have gradually ramped up the dosage. The doctors say the spironolactone helps counter unwanted body or facial growth. I didn't see any side effects until I started to take a full pill this year. And it's still worth the trade off for me. My hair is so much fuller now. I have chunks of new growth. So if you are thinking about it, you could start on a very low dose and see. Dora, you only tried the oral minoxidil, right? Not this other drug.

A (23:53)

I did not try the spironolactone. I tried in the beginning. I was doing the oral and the foam, and I found the foam to just be like, like too messy. And I didn't think the trade off was worth it. And I think that the oral has worked really well. And I don't have unwanted body slash facial growth, so I didn't. I never. I don't know, maybe if I did, I would have pursued this. Spiron, Spironolactone, spiralax. She refers to it three different ways, so I'm not sure which is correct. But, yeah, I take. I now take the full two and a half tablet. I. I did anecdotally hear from someone I know who was taking two tablets a day, and she had unwanted facial hair growth.

B (24:51)

So it sounds like so much more than, yeah, what, what you're taking and what, this color.

A (24:57)

But my hair is so much fuller. I do have chunks of new growth. Like, I can see it because those hairs are not as long as the rest of my hair. And at first you're like, oh, did these hairs break? And then it's like, no, this is new growth. This, these are new hairs. That's why they're not as long. But yeah, I highly recommend. And again, you can get it covered by your insurance. And I think I pay like $3 a month for a monthly supply. So go forth. Okay, last question, which I love this question because I feel like I am perpetually searching for what this listener is asking for.

B (25:40)

Okay, okay.

A (25:41)

What are we wearing for pants when we fly? I have a pair of joggers that are from a popular fast fashion store. They are a slick material. They are comfortable and have pockets that are deep enough to throw my ID or phone into. But they don't breathe well. When I stand up after sitting for hours on a plane, I feel a little damp and no one wants that. I don't travel often and when I do it's just for leisure. But I still like the idea of having pants that I know work for this purpose. And I would still prefer affordable options if possible. Thanks so much.

B (26:13)

I swear by my Lululemon high rise joggers that I bought like 10 years ago and I still travel in, but it feels like it's kind of like that sweat wicking material, not just traditional legging fabric. Fabric. It's like it kind of has that scuba feel to it. I just don't know if they exist anymore or what the name of it would be. But I do love those joggers and I travel in them frequently. What about you?

A (26:43)

I have a pair of joggers from Somersault and I'm looking at their website and a lot of stuff is like very on sale right now. Oh, the ones I have are kind of old, so I don't know if they have the exact ones that I have, but they're legit. They're just like cotton joggers and they're very comfortable and. Oh, I think this might be them. The softest French Terry jogger. Now I'm like, is this company going out of business?

B (27:20)

Huh?

A (27:20)

Some of their stuff is like really cheap and they have like no sizes left of anything. So I don't know, maybe Somersault. Are you okay? Blink, blink once if you're okay. Vuori also has really nice joggers.

B (27:38)

One more recommendation is Barley. My Rob's mom, Susan got me for Christmas this like, pullover. What are they called? The Zip? Yeah.

A (27:49)

The half zips. Yeah.

B (27:50)

Quarter zipper half zips from their, from their, like sweatset collection from their. And I imagine the joggers are the same material and I love it. It's so comfy. Really good for those early mornings when I have to be at volleyball tournaments. So the brand is called Varley. I don't know where if they're stores or if it's online or what, but like them.

A (28:12)

I have tried their sweatshirts and I, I thought they were like a really nice heavy quality. Not heavy. Like I felt like they were too heavy, but like a, like a, like if they felt substantial is what I mean. So yes, I think that's a good. I think that's a good. I have also been intrigued and they're kind of expensive, but the Spanx Air Essentials line has intrigued me, but I, I have yet to actually pull the trigger on those because they are a little bit expensive, but they look super comfortable.

B (28:48)

Cool.

A (28:49)

Cool. So.

B (28:50)

All right, so there's a few different options for you to try there.

A (28:53)

A few different options. And we would love to hear from listeners about what you all are wearing on planes because like I said, I feel like this is my, like, perpetual white whale. Like, I like the somersault joggers, but they're also getting kind of old and I, like, need. I. I probably need to, like, replace them. So let us know.

B (29:14)

Okay.

A (29:15)

All right, we'll talk to you soon, everybody. Thanks so much for listening. Take care.

B (29:18)

Talk to you next time By.

C (29:28)

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